PPC HQ Hunger Games: Season 2

Full Transcript

Day 1

Hello and welcome to the second annual PPC HQ Hunger Games!

Is it actually annual if there's two years between--?

I'm sure you all remember the ridiculousness of the first Hunger Games; none of us want to see that again, so we here at Radio Nutmeg have taken extra effort to ensure everything goes smoothly.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why are you forcing agents to kill each other? And, by the way, didn't half of this year's Tributes die last time round? And you're perfectly right! That's why we've made us of an extra large holodeck (hidden in an undisclosed location, so don't get any ideas!) to simulate the Hunger Games for your pleasure. We know, we know - you can thank us later.

It was my idea.

But we're a team.

Only when you--

SO! Right now, night has fallen over the Arena, signalling the end of the first day. The cannon has fired four times - but who were the fatalities? Let's take a look back at this action-packed start.

When the starter horn sounded, the Tributes leapt from their podiums - but it seems most of them have read the books! The expected bloodbath never materialised, with nine of the Tributes ignoring the plenty altogether and making a run for cover!

The others seemed perfectly willing to cooperate, too, with a dream team of Acacia, Dafydd, Mara, and Zeb emerging as strong contenders. There were some squabbles - Jay Thorntree distinguished herself by drawing first blood by breaking Drake's nose to claim precious food supplies - but overall it was remarkably peaceful.

Which seems to be what Foxglove wanted everyone to think. We all saw her grab those throwing knives at the cornucopia, but who noticed her also snatching up a parcel of explosives? Certainly not Ilraen, Mara, and Paddlebrains, who made a very early exit!

With Mara gone, the Dream Team fractured early. Seeing Dafydd receive sponsorship, Acacia and Zeb both sought other allies - Zeb heading back to the cornucopia to hole up with Selene inside, perhaps bonding over a shared love of lightning!

Some agents chose to hide - Diocletian and the Aviator did some excellent camoflague work - while others sought to initiate violence. Was Naomi's pursuit of Jay an act of revenge for the assassin's attack on Drake?

Not that Drake was worried: he can't have expected that medical package from the sky, but he sure did appreciate it. Which is more than can be said for Fritz… the poor Floater must've been sick before he went in, to succumb to infection so fast.

So that was Day 1! Four deaths, alliances made and broken, the Tributes scattered to all corners of the Arena. How many of them will still be there when night rolls round again? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd

Selene

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 2

So, how about that first night, eh? I bet all our Tributes were glad to reach the safety of darkness. Certainly we saw a LOT of teamups for the night - remember Drake and Laburnum cuddled up together, Acacia, Suicide, and Trojanhorse's conversations late into the night? I almost felt bad for Lore, singing to himself all alone!

But not too bad; he could've ended up like Aster. Do you think she felt safe when she went to sleep with Selene watching over her? Do you think she felt it when the sickle bit in? She should have stuck with Acacia!

Not that leaving Selene's company was a great deal of help to Zeb. The sun was barely up on the second day when he got into that fight with Supernumerary. Lightning versus knives - it should have been no contest. If only the PPC's favourite Luxray hadn't stood so close to the cliff-edge…

And it was kind of an up-and-down day, wasn't it? It seemed like a lot of the fights weren't entirely serious, with Supernumerary letting Diocletian get away (maybe he was worn out after the duel with Zeb?), and Trojanhorse actually sparing Selene. I don't know about you, though, but I thought Laburnum's attack on Foxglove - our first partner-on-partner violence! - was in deadly earnest. And that sprained ankle may yet prove deadly for Foxglove!

But most of the Tributes seemed happy to spend the day strengthening their positions. Skyfire headed for the hills, Acacia found that cave, Isaiah added a fishing spear to his rod (now if only he could find fish!). Lore chose instead to stick with the camp he had; that turned out to be a bad idea when Drake, Naomi, Suicide and Jay happened on him and made off with his sais!

But the star of the day was most definitely Dafydd. The hatchet he received during the night set speculation buzzing as to who his mysterious sponsor was, but there's no doubt he put it to good use. Stormsong's medical kit won't do him much good where he's gone!

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (1)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (1)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 3

The second night wasn't an easy one. It seemed like no-one could sleep - the Aviator tried singing Gallifreyan lullabies, Dafydd simply stared at a tree, Suicide tossed and turned all night before waking up screaming. With Drake suffering from infection and Selene lost in the forest, it was a harsh time for...

... well, not absolutely everyone. Isaiah had befriended Skyfire, Stormsong's partner - a need for company, or a sinister ploy? Diocletian and Trojanhorse were positively intimate. Silas found time to cook himself a meal, and... some Tributes were on the hunt.

Foxglove continued her stealthy tactics, destroying Supernumerary's supplies while he slept. Naomi scored a kill, sticking Lore with a poisoned dart so carefully that he never woke up (and claiming the first eradicated 'District'). Jay was less subtle, clubbing Laburnum to death with a log from her firewood.

Dawn brought a measure of relief. Most of the Tributes spent the day apart - some foraging for food or firewood, some simply hiding. Skyfire, separated from Isaiah, stumbled across the Aviator's camp and pillaged her supplies, but the star thieves were Trojanhorse, Suicide, Dafydd, and Acacia, staging an audacious (or just cruel?) raid on the injured Drake's camp. It looks like only the fact that he was off hunting saved his life!

And yes, we only count four Tributes in this successor to Acacia and Dafydd's original Dream Team. We watched with interest as Acacia merged her two former teams - the Dream Team for the cornucopia, now down to Acacia and Dafydd, and her camp-mates from the first night, Suicide and Trojanhorse. Diocletian tagged along, to be sure (still following Trojanhorse from the following night), but when she tripped off that cliff and injured herself, the others simply left her behind. Never mind, Diocletian - they can't all be winners!

Finally, one curious note: the mysterious Hatchet Sponsor blessed Silas with their attentions as night fell. For technical reasons, we here at Radio Nutmeg aren't aware of the identity of the sponsors, but we would rather appreciate it if people stopped sending in weapons...

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (1)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (1)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (1)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 4

Whatever happened to the Dream Team?

At nightfall yesterday, Acacia, Dafydd, Trojanhorse and Suicide looked set to carry on through to the end of the Games, but then they simply... split. We know why Dafydd left - his sensitive hearing caught Selene's movements in the woods, and he went to find his partner and fill her in on the remaining Tributes. But what drove Acacia to abandon the team she had put together and masterminded?

Could it have been mistrust of her remaining teammates - or lack of confidence in their abilities? Certainly her new team, featuring the explosive-wielding sabateur Foxglove and the skillfully stealthy Aviator (who had not to that point actually been seen by another Tribute!), seems calculated for a program of theft and infiltration...

The night was not a quiet one. Isaiah (in receipt of free food!), Silas, Supernumerary (now suffering an infection from the poison thorns he stumbled into yesterday), and Diocletian set up their separate camps, and Acacia and Dafydd's new teams seemed content to wait out the dark hours, but there were still two teams on the prowl. Naomi, Skyfire, and Drake were driven away from both Diocletian's and Acacia's camps before morning, and as the sun rose they turned away from a smoke plume spotted by Naomi.

And what of the other team - the fourth of the night, featuring the rump of the Dream Team in an alliance with Jay? Well, it can hardly be called an alliance, can it? Trojanhorse must have pilfered those explosives from Diocletian during their snuggling session, and now she used them to take out Jay and Suicide at a single stroke!

The teams remained largely intact through the day. Foxglove found a river for Acacia's group, but they were driven away by Isaiah, now an expert with his fishing line and spear. Dafydd and Selene stayed in the forest - Dafydd seemed to be trying to sleep the day away - and Selene managed to fend off an incursion from Naomi's group. The other Tributes mostly stayed apart, though we did see Trojanhorse spying on Diocletian after the latter ran into Silas...

And. Okay. Look. We get it. Flooding the Arena with hatchets is funny. But please stop. The weapon balance in there is carefully calibrated; you're messing things up, whoever you are. It's not like it's going to do Supernumerary much good, anyway.

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (1)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (1)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (1)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 5

Oh my Legal, the slaughter!

There was a bit of turnover in the teams as night fell. Dafydd and Selene separated - Dafydd teamed up with Diocletian and Trojanhorse, snuggling down with Diocletian while Trojanhorse set up the camp, while Selene found herself joining with Supernumerary and his illicit hatchet. They were soon joined by Naomi, after her team also scattered: Skyfire to form a new group with Isaiah and Silas, and Drake to hide by himself.

Given Drake's firelighting woes, I would call splitting up a mistake - but given Skyfire's merciless hunt for Naomi, and Naomi's team's ruthless killing of Skyfire's new group after the failed ambush, he was probably best to get out while he could.

And what of the Dream Team? More like a nightmare! The Aviator's attack with cold-blooded and brilliantly executed, cutting down her teammates when they were at their most vulnerable. Goodbye, Acacia the teambuilder! Goodbye, Foxglove the explosive!

With the number of Tributes dropping, and several injured, we decided to throw a Feast. Supplies were dropped into the Cornucopia, and the Tributes were notified. Drake, perhaps wary of Naomi, chose not to attend. On both of the two teams, one member insisted on holding back to guard the camp. Everyone else dove in.

Which was apparently exactly what Selene wanted. While her partner Naomi was rifling through the supplies, she expertly slipped the poisoned darts out of Naomi's pockets and jabbed one into her neck. Naomi never saw it coming, and Selene racked up another kill.

Dafydd and Trojanhorse stuck together... but the Aviator was waiting for them. Did they know about her murder of their former leader Acacia when they chose to attack her? If so, they didn't take the right lesson from it: she fended them off easily, and down they went - bringing the Aviator up to four kills, the highest total in the game!

The rest of the day was quiet. Supernumerary went into hiding, fearing Selene might come after him next, but she seemed content to wander around picking flowers. The Aviator, spotting the smoke after Drake /finally/ lit his fire, chose not to continue her attacks - that was left to Diocletian, whose ruthless assault and sparing of Drake seems to have been some kind of warning.

Eight Tributes died today. Eight! Now there are only five of them left! Will the PPC Hunger Games make it into a seventh day? Find out tomorrow!

(PS: To the Hatchet Sponsor: thank you for stopping. That wasn't too hard, was it now?)

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator (4)

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (2)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (3)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (2)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 6

Anyone watching last night might have thought our few remaining Tributes were getting lonely. Selene and Diocletian sat up long into the night trading stories - strangely, Selene failed to mention the tale of how she assassinated her last teammate - while the Aviator practically propositioned the clueless Drake. Only Supernumerary stayed in hiding, and his long rant about 'the madness of it all' is already being repeated in meme form.

But the morning proved there was no friendship in the Arena. Selene and Diocletian went their separate ways at dawn, Diocletian finding safety in the hills, Selene prefering to use camoflague. The Aviator left Drake sleeping, too - only to return with Supernumerary, a few hours later, to hunt and kill him! We don't know what to think about that - was the increasingly-ruthless Time Lord afraid he might share her moment of weakness from the night before? Was this connected to Diocletian's mercy yesterday?

The cannon fires. There are four Tributes remaining. At least there's no more hatchets.

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator (5)

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (3)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (3)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (2)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 7

Okay.

Look.

I know we kept saying 'hatchets'. That's because you kept sending in hatchets. But we thought you'd got the message that we didn't want you sending in weapons.

So why did you give Selene and Diocletian explosives? What made you think that would be a remotely good idea? You want to see people get blown up? Go back and watch Foxglove's superb kills from Day 1! The Tributes have other ways of killing each other.

Not that, admittedly, they seem interested in doing so. Diocletian and Selene (pre-explosives) spent the night together again, and the Aviator and Supernumerary seemed content to stay in their separate camps. Was the Aviator's sleeplessness some form of Time Lord trance? We don't know. Certainly her archery skills were much improved when day broke.

If there is some kind of Arena-wide truce, we have Supernumerary to blame. He spent the day tracking down the other three - the Aviator shooting arrows at trees, Diocletian and Selene simply camping out - and having whispered conversations with them. There is something going on here, and we're not sure we like it.

But we still like it more than the Hatchet Sponsor flooding the Arena with explosives. Come on.

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator (5)

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (3)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (3)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (2)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 8

Okay, that was admittedly quite funny.

Selene and Diocletian decided in the early hours to test out those explosives (which we still don't want them to have, but at least the Hatchet Sponsor has stopped again). That didn't go too well for Diocletian, who managed to practically blow her leg off. Serves you right for taking illicit weapons!

But the truce is even more blatant now. The Aviator and Supernumerary spent the night together, and when the bombs went off, they sought out the other Tributes. There they were, Diocletian injured, Selene trying to tend her wounds - but did the Aviator and Supernumeraru attack? No. No they did not.

Instead, we were treated to the sight of all four remaining Tributes working together: Supernumerary tending Diocletian's injuries (was that medical kit taken from Drake when they killed him?), the Aviator and Selene hunting up food for the quartet.

It's appalling. Don't they know they're supposed to be murdering each other?

We shall have to do something about this.

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator (5)

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (3)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (3)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (2)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas


Day 9

Well, that could have gone better.

Okay, we admit it: we messed up. We could've let the Games come to a natural end. But in our defence, that was not obvious until this morning.

Think about it: all four Tributes shared the same camp. When Supernumerary was sent clean water, he shared it with the three women. When the Aviator received yet another ****** hatchet, she declared it communal property for chopping firewood. Diocletian felt safe enough to sleep straight through till morning.

But then there was Selene. Selene stayed up all night, not talking, looking thoughtful. Every so often she would glance at one of the others as if evaluating them. We - like most of you - ignored it; we knew they were all getting along just fine.

The unnatural friendliness continued after daybreak. The Aviator set about making slingshots, and gave the first to Supernumerary to hunt for their food. It seemed like we were going to see a repeat of Days 7 and 8 - right up until Selene struck.

It was the explosives, of course - those ridiculous explosives that should never have been allowed into the Arena. She laid her trap carefully, and then - when all three of the other Tributes were in the shelter - she lit the fuse. It should have worked perfectly, winning her the Games.

Except that Diocletian heard the fire start. Except that somehow, the injured Tribute got the others out through the back of the shelter, then lured Selene inside, all before the bombs went off.

We're still not clear how Diocletian survived the explosion. Is there such a thing as immunity to going boom?

So Selene was dead, the Tributes were watching each other warily, the killing had started again - we could sit back and watch the final battle-to-the-death. Great TV, a great end to the Games.

Yeah. Except that we had already unleashed the squirrels.

The winner of the second season of the PPC HQ Hunger Games was decided by random chance. Our carnivorous squirrels attacked all three Tributes with brutal ferocity. The Aviator lashed out with her hatchet, Supernumerary tried to pick them off with his slingshot, but ultimately, they died faster than Diocletian. And that made her the victor.

The instant our systems detected that only one Tribute remained, the squirrels were automatically recalled. Yes, Diocletian was badly injured, but you saw how fast we got the medical team in. It wouldn't do to have our victor die of blood loss, would it?

So congratulations, Diocletian. In keeping with the precedent set last season-

Last 'season' was a thirty second pirate broadcast of a ludicrous crossover badfic.

But we did give Agent Dawn a trophy for it.

And she was completely baffled by it.

Doesn't matter. In keeping with the precedent set last season, the trophy will be sculpted based on the events of the Games. Naturally, that means it will be-

It's a hatchet.

What? No, I had them make a map of the Arena, and add all of Diocletian's-

It's just arrived. It's a hatchet. A quite pretty golden hatchet, but it's still a hatchet.

But that's… not… we didn't…

Curse you, Hatchet Sponsor. Curse youuuuuuu!

And that's a wrap, folks!

District 1 (Mary Sues)

Zeb

The Aviator (5)

District 2 (Implausible Crossovers)

Ilraen

Supernumerary (3)

District 3 (Geographical Aberrations)

Dafydd (1)

Selene (3)

District 4 (Mary Sues)

Jay (1)

Acacia

District 5 (Mary Sues)

Laburnum

Foxglove (3)

District 6 (Bad Slash)

Stormsong

Skyfire

District 7 (Mary Sues)

Aster

Lore

District 8 (Mary Sues)

Drake

Naomi (2)

District 9 (Bad Slash)

Paddlebrains

Trojanhorse (2)

District 10 (Technical Errors)

Mara

Isaiah

District 11 (Mary Sues)

Suicide

Diocletian (1)

District 12 (Floaters)

Fritz

Silas