HI EVERYONE! Wave! Agent Kayleigh here - you know, from Bad Slash. That’s the Department of Bad Slash, in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, which is this organisation which BUT YOU KNOW THIS.

Anyway! I had this idea a year or so back, and it’s ended up really popular, so I thought I’d take the time to tell you about it. You know, in case you haven’t heard, though of course you should have, because it’s really popular. So maybe I’m wasting my time. Do you think so? Well, if you’re going to be like that, maybe I won’t tell you after all!

Kay, just tell them already. The console’s going to start beeping again if we take any longer preparing for the mission.

Oh fine. Okay, so sometimes, we agents get sent to another department to help out. Not permanently - that’s a transfer, that’s different - but temporarily. And when we do, how does anyone know where we’re working? Normally I have a lovely flashpatch of a rubber ducky, but what if I’m on assignment in the Department of Out-of-Character Hobbits? What do I do then?!

Kay, no-one gets assigned to DOOCH. Seriously.

Shows what you know. So I was also thinking about afterwards: how do you remember which departments you have worked in? I mean, obviously my own memory is perfect-

Hah! Where did you put my computer, then?

In a very safe place. But some poor souls keep forgetting important things! Like the difference between raindrops, roses, and whiskers on kittens! Of course, this will never do. My innovative new ‘PhysiTag’ system will ensure you never confuse Your Favourite Things again!

… Kay, this is a bit of card with a pin stuck through it.

No, it’s a bit of card with ‘Salamander’ written on it and a pin stuck through it. Hold out your hand for me to stick it on.

… I’ll pass, thanks. Are you going to tell them about the mission badges?

Sal! That’s a brilliant idea! So I’ve created these pin-on badges which are like simplified versions of the flashpatches. Whenever you’re working outside your department, you wear one of these to show what sort of mission you’re taking on. So if I were working with someone from the DOOCH-

Which you wouldn’t be.

-I’d wear my DBS flashpatch, and a DOOCH mission badge. She would wear her DOOCH patch, and a DBS mission badge. You see? It’s so simple. All you need to do is keep a stock of badges for your own department on hand, and you can pass them out to anyone temporarily assigned to you!

Are you going to tell them it’s completely pointless?

Headshake! If I do, they won’t want them, and they’re so cute. Look, everyone!

… you’re holding the tray up to the console screen, aren’t you?

Well done! Have your eyes started working again?

No, I just know you. Kay, they can’t see them.

No, you can’t see them. Most people’s eyes work just fine.

I mean that consoles don’t work that way.

Oh. Really? Oh. Well, I guess I’ll upload these pictures I made, instead.

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They’re so simple to make - just little bits of gold and silver wire. I’ve got heaps of them around the Response Centre, just waiting for you to come and pick them up!

She does, too. I keep tripping over them. Hang on a minute… Kayleigh?

Yes, Sal?

You haven’t made any for Out-of-Character Hobbits.

Of course not, silly! No-one gets assigned to the DOOCH.

~Agents Kayleigh and Salamander, Department of Bad Slash