More to Life
Testimony by Jimmy Smith
I was born in Dallas, Texas and was raised in a small town called Duncanville. My parents did have a nice piece of land and we had chickens and a garden. But, I don’t ever recall being considered ranchers or farmers. Mom always said we were “just poor country folks”.
Comin’ up, it was pretty rough. My dad was never around much and when I did see him, he was drunk, He and my mother spent most of their time together cussin’ and screamin’ at each other. My father never could hold a job because of his drinkin’ and because he never learned to read and write. So this put most of the work on my mother.
My mother, at times would work two jobs, cook, clean, help with my homework and see to it that I got to school. But no matter how much my mom did to please my father, it never seemed to be enough. Never was church or God mentioned in our house as a kid.
I loved my father but he never failed to let me and my mother down. he constantly cussed and screamed at both of us. As a young boy, wanting so badly to have his father’s love, I clung to any male figure that would spend time with me. My cousin and his wife lived just down the street and would occasionally come over to the house to visit. I remember them coming to the house and how my cousin would play ball and take me places. I also remember how he and his wife sexually abused me time after time. I remember how they threatened me, that if I told anyone how I would get in trouble. I also remember my cousin made fun of me after he would sexually assault me.
The sexual abuse went on from the time I was six years old until I was nine years old. And then, they just stopped abusing me and stopped coming to visit. I guess they thought that I would finally tell if they kept on abusing me. I was too scared of getting in trouble and too ashamed to ever tell anyone.
After the abuse stopped, I had so much anger and fear inside of me that I couldn’t or wouldn’t trust anyone. By the anger of twelve, I was sniffing gasoline and glue and smoking marijuana. I became a kleptomaniac and a bully by the time I was 13, and started using cocain, acid, crystal meth and any other drug I could get my hands on. I tried to commit suicide at the age of fourteen by taking 150 extra-strength Tylenol with codeine. But this just caused more pain and several hours in the hospital with a tube up my nose and down my throat to pump my stomach.
By the age of sixteen, I had been in jail at least half a dozen times for shoplifting. At eighteen, I received a ten year sentence for robbery and was on my way to a Texas prison because of my new habit, crack cocaine.
At 22 years old, I was released from prison. Upon my release, I got a job, got married and had two beautiful children. But I was still living a life of hurt, pain, anger, and distrust. Eventually, my marriage ended, my drug addictions increased and I became a total monster, not only in my own eyes, but in everyone’s eyes that knew me. I was literally trying to kill myself with drugs.
In the summer of 2002, that would all change and my life would take a much needed dramatic turn. While sitting in a hotel room waiting on my drug connection to bring me more drugs, I decided that I didn’t want to live another day the way that I was living and that I was gonna blow my brains out with a Ruger 9mm. I remember looking in the mirror and hating the man I had become. At that point I remember putting the gun in my mouth and putting my finger on the trigger. I began to cry and asked God to help me end it. I squeezed that trigger with all the strength I had, but the gun wouldn’t fire.
You see, He already helped me end it. But, He didn’t do it that summer in 2002 with a bullet. He did it in the form of His son on the cross over 2000 years ago (John 3:16).
I carried the anger and hurt of being abused around with me for 30 years. Now, at 37 years old as I sit in a Texas prison with a life sentence for yet, another robbery, I can honestly say that all the pain from a life of physical, mental, sexual, and drug abuse is gone. You see, God is a father to the fatherless (Psalms 68:5). He is a light in a dark place (Romans 2:19). He is the only One who can end your life the way it is now. He can end the hurt and the pain and replace it with His peace and joy (John 14:27, Psalms 30:5).
Don’t spend the rest of your life running from your past. Because if you don’t have a past, you won’t have a future and if you don’t have a future, then you will eventually return to the past. God says in His Work, that He has plans and a future for us (Jeremiah 29:11-14). He says that He came to set the prisoner free (Psalms 146:7). That means you!
Today, I am no longer a thief and a drug addict, but for the rest of my life I am a child of God. I thank God for the things He has done in me and I thank Him in advance for the things He has done in me and I thank Him in advance for the things that He will do for you if you will just ask for His help.
I can finally breathe easy, thing logically and have peace of mind.