“SIR RIX-A-LOT”
By Charles Oberonn
“Rick and Morty” © Adult Swim
Created by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon
INT. SMITH FAMILY DINING ROOM. [a]NOON.
RICK, looking a bit more well adjusted than his usual drunk self, is eating lunch with MORTY and SUMMER.
SUMMER[b], wearing her usual pink tank top,[c][d][e] is unimpressed with the lunch Rick prepared: Leftovers from Medieval Times.
SUMMER
It’s not as good as yesterday at the
arena.
RICK
Don’t blame me. I’m not the one who decided
to sell a wastel made by a college
dropout with no tongue.
MORTY
Wastel? What’s that?
RICK
You wouldn’t know, wouldn’t you, Morty? Not with
this trash bread as a reference.
MORTY
It tasted fine in Medieval Times.
RICK
Nothing is “fine” in Medieval Times, Morty.
They have more in common with Kalandixian Cockfighting
than a medieval kingdom.
SUMMER
What do you even know about medieval times? I thought
you were more of a sci-fi guy than a fantasy guy.
RICK
I dabbled in the fantastic arts. I spent 3 months in a
medieval fantasy kingdom once.
I told them I’m a wizard.
I was hot shit. I lived with the king and shit.[f][g]
SUMMER & MORTY (SIMULTANEOUSLY[h])
And? – Cool!
RICK
You’re underestimating my experiences?
SUMMER
You have the same boastful face my gf
makes when she tells me about “real”
Mexican food when we’re at Taco Bell.[i]
RICK
A bit Freudian, isn’t it, Summer? Also,
who takes their girlfriend to Taco Bell?
MORTY
Haha, yeah.
SUMMER & RICK (SIMULTANEOUSLY)
Shut up, Morty.
SUMMER
I’m just saying that authenticity isn’t all
it’s cracked up to be.
RICK
I’ll prove it. Then. We’ll visit
Hussielot[j][k] right now.
RICK opens a portal without looking, the portal slices off a corner of the table.[l] MORTY and SUMMER are taken aback.
MORTY
Woah, right now?
RICK
Blame your sister, Morty.
MORTY
Since when do you care what Summer thinks?
SUMMER
Yeah, since when do you care what I think?
MORTY
Besides, we’re eating lunch.
RICK[m]
We’ll finish it in the royal dining room.
RICK steps in to the portal. MORTY and SUMMER[n] trade befuddled stares and follow him inside. The portal closes.
EXT. FOREST OUTSIDE OF HUSSIELOT. NOON.
RICK, MORTY and SUMMER[o] walk through the heavily wooded area. Tiny alien-looking animals[p] run away as they step. Rick pulls out a laser machete and cuts their way through.
RICK
Huh, this place was a slum last time I’ve
been here.
MORTY
And when was that?
RICK
30-31[q] years? I was on a lot of frog-extract
back then.[r]
SUMMER
Figures. Maybe they reforested since then.
RICK
The king of Hussielot isn’t[s] into
environmentalism and helpful shit, Summer.
He was a brutal man[t].
MORTY
Was?
RICK
He was like 25[u] back then, he’d probably be dead by now. Hussielot is a… it’s a real shithole, Morty.
RICK cuts through the last batch of vines and reveals the kingdom beyond. It is a technological paradise, with tall buildings full of hanging forests. High-tech ships and laser walkways extend through the sky. A giant metallic ring hangs above the city, with ships coming and going in droves through a portal in its center.[v]
SUMMER
If this place is a genuine medieval shithole
than[w] Medieval Times is an 11yo’s fanfiction.
RICK grumbles.[x]
EXT. HUSSIELOT MAIN STREET. AFTERNOON.
RICK, MORTY and SUMMER are walking through the stone paved streets of Hussielot. The people in the marketplace are clean and healthy looking, and aliens walk among them.
RICK
Looks like Hussielot had quite
the renaissance since I’ve been here.
MORTY
Maybe you inspired them to become
better than they used to be, Rick.
SUMMER
Or maybe they just needed some
time away from you.
RICK
Shut up, Summer. I’m like a celebrity here.
A few GUARDS approach. They’re wearing high-tech looking medieval armor and carrying laser swords.
GUARD
Halt. You’re a stranger in this city.
RICK
I’m no stranger, bucko. I’m fucking Scientos.
The GUARDS do not react.
SUMMER
Pff… Scientos?
MORTY
“bucko”?
RICK
You know, the legendary wizard?
I’m friends with the king.
The GUARDS whisper among themselves. They seem a bit worried.
GUARD
Come with us, wizard. The king
would like to see you.
RICK
Told you.
INT. HUSSIELOT ROYAL PALACE. THRONE ROOM. AFTERNOON.
RICK, SUMMER and MORTY, accompanied by the GUARDS, walk through the royal palace. Paintings are hanging off the walls alongside holographic images depicting various events from the history of Hussielot. The events include their first encounter with aliens, and how the aliens helped build their new improved society. One of the paintings depicts a young Rick in a wizard outfit standing over a slain red dragon with testicle-like growths on its chin.[y]
The KING walks in surrounded by guards. He is wearing a techno head brace and sports a healthy head of red hair and beard.
His granddaughter, PRINCESS DOWRY, walks besides him. She is wearing a cute sci-fi-fantasy fusion dress.[z]
MORTY is smitten with the princess.
KING
Scientos! My old friend!
RICK
Hello, your majesty. I actually
go by Rick these days. And these two
are my uncouth grandkids Morty and Summer.
They didn’t believe I used to be in
your majesty’s royal court.
KING
Scientos here was the wisest of my advisors.
His inventions brought us prosperity
and allowed us to vanquish the dragon race
once and for all.
SUMMER
Genocide, huh? Your fantasy life had
the same problematic trappings as your
sci-fi one.
KING
Rick left us with the bounty of his inventions.
It was then that we realized he was not
magical but rather a man of natural philosophy.
And thanks to his improvised space
beacon we encountered our alien allies
who helped us build our new modern society.
RICK
Yeah…
RICK looks around the advanced surroundings.
RICK
You’re welcome for that.
Say, you wouldn’t be having lunch soon?
I told my grandkids they’ll get to try
authentic Hussielotian cuisine.
KING
For you, my friend. We’ll be holding a feast![aa][ab][ac]
INT. HUSSIELOT ROYAL PALACE. DINING ROOM. EVENING.
The KING is sitting at the top of a long table. RICK is sitting to his right and his granddaughter to his left. SUMMER sits next to RICK and MORTY sits next to the PRINCESS.[ad]
PRINCESS DOWRY
My grandpa told me a lot about
your grandpa[ae].
MORTY
Yeah, he’s been… he’s been doing
some wild stuff in his years.
PRINCESS DOWRY
So I’ve heard.
MORTY
I’ve been on a lot of adventures
with him, actually. I could probably tell you a
lot more stories than your grandpa did.
The PRINCESS smiles a cute royal[af] smile[ag][ah] at MORTY. MORTY blushes.
PRINCESS DOWRY
I’m sure I will love hearing them.
MORTY
Y-you think so?
PRINCESS DOWRY
If grandfather wills it.
MORTY
Mr. mr. your majesty.[ai]
Can I spend some time with Dowry?
KING
If Scient- I mean Rick confers.
RICK is prodding at his synthetic-looking alien food.
RICK
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
KING
Is something the matter, old friend?
Is the food our authenticators produce
not authentic enough for you?
The KING chuckles. RICK doesn’t seem pleased. SUMMER is sporting a cat-like grin.
SUMMER
Yeah, Grandpa Rick. Is it not
what you expected?
RICK
It’s just things used to be more…
organic back in our days.
KING
Ah, yes. When I was a younger man.
RICK
Exactly.
KING
A foolish man. Obsessed with conquest.
Easily taken in by the most obvious of ploys.
Of magic and mystery.
RICK
I mean, maybe. But that’s what made this place so
um… charming.[aj][ak]
KING
So easy to exploit. To leave defenseless.
The KING’s face grows serious.
KING
When you left, my old friend. I swore to
keep this kingdom safe, forever.
The KING smiles again.
KING
And I have.
SUMMER
I think what you did with this place
is amazing, your majesty.
RICK gets up.
RICK
Well, this slog is delicious
and certainly not something we could
have eaten in any half decent starhop stop
in the Milky Way.
SUMMER
Grandpa Rick. Don’t be rude!
KING
Don’t be too harsh on your
grandpa, child of the season. He is just
nostalgic for the olden days.
The KING turns to RICK.
KING
You know. We haven’t given up
on all of our old institutions.
RICK
The Pit of Champions?
KING
You and I think alike, my old friend.
You and your family shall sleep
in the castle tonight. Tomorrow we’ll
travel to the Pit.
INT. HUSSIELOT ROYAL PALACE. BEDROOM. NIGHT.
SUMMER is preparing her bed, ready to go to sleep. RICK fidgets with his portal gun. MORTY seems anxious to leave.
SUMMER
You know, Grandpa Rick. I didn’t think
you could be good for anywhere.
I always thought you just left every
place in shambles.
RICK
Shambles would be an improvement to this
place, trust me. Now they’re just like
every other colony in the universe[al][am].
MORTY
I did notice that almost every society
we visited was basically the same.
SUMMER
The one time you leave a world
better than you found it, and you
think it’s wrong?
RICK
I’m not responsible for this cultural
genocide.
SUMMER
No, just the Dragon Race’s genocide.
RICK
You’ll get your chance to see dragons in a second…
And… there.
RICK shoots his portal gun at the balcony, opening a portal.
MORTY
What is it?
RICK takes MORTY and SUMMER in his arms and pushes all three of their heads through the portal. The land they see below them is a savage and dirty medieval city, very unlike the technological utopia they’re currently in.
RICK
The real Hussielot.
The genuine article.
SUMMER
What, is the Golden Gate Bridge blue
in this version or something?
RICK
Close. This version never got introduced
to modern technology and remained true
to themselves.
MORTY takes his head out of the portal. RICK and SUMMER do so as well.
MORTY
Actually, I promised the princess
I’ll meet her later.
RICK
Summer?
SUMMER
Whatever, I don’t need to mack
on a royal doormat. I’ll come with you.
RICK
So we’re off.
RICK jumps into the portal. SUMMER turns towards MORTY.
SUMMER
Be careful not to spoil her for marriage, virgin.
MORTY
SUMMER jumps into the portal.
INT. ALTERNATE HUSSIELOT. ROYAL PALACE HALLWAY. NIGHT.
RICK and SUMMER are sneaking through the halls, trying to avoid detection by guards wearing a much more simplistic version of the same outfit worn by the guards in the other Hussielot.
SUMMER
Why are we sneaking around?
We’re supposed to be guests here.
RICK
Not here. Here we really are strangers.
SUMMER
So? Just introduce yourself to the king
as a wizard again like you did last time.
They’ll be extra impressed this time
since you’re so old.
RICK
Great jab, but it’s not what I’m aiming to do.
SUMMER
Which is?
RICK
Getting thrown in the Pit of Champions.
RICK kicks in a door. SUMMER covers her face.
SUMMER
Oh god!
Inside the room, the QUEEN, an older looking and much less healthy version of DOWRY, is covering her naked body with her bed covers.
QUEEN
GUARDS!
INT. ALTERNATE HUSSIELOT DUNGEON. EARLY MORNING.
RICK and SUMMER are sitting in a dungeon with a bunch of other brutes and prisoners. SUMMER is crouching in the corner in plain medieval clothes.
SUMMER
I hate you.
RICK is fiddling with an iron sword, moving it from hand to hand and judging its weight.
RICK
Don’t worry. It’s gonna be fun.
We’ll do some killing and after that
we’ll storm the castle and take back my portal gun.
And if not, I programmed it to find us.
SUMMER
We’re not going to survive that long!
You’re not a swordsman! I’m not a swords…
girl.
RICK
No, you’re a whiny swords baby.
But by the time we’re done, you’ll grow
up to be a sword woman.
SUMMER
I don’t wanna grow up in Hussielot!
RANDOM PRISONER
Yeah! Me neither!
I wanna grow up in a fair and just society!
A society that can develop plenty and bring
it to her people! A society that tolerates
us all from the meek to the mighty!
RICK
Great, you started a cultural revolution,
Summer. Now I’m gonna have to kill him first.[aq]
INT. HUSSIELOT ROYAL PALACE. PRINCESS DOWRY’S ROOM. NIGHT.
MORTY rings an electronic doorbell
PRINCESS DOWRY
Come in, Morty.
MORTY opens the door and enters. He is surprised to see the princess crying.
MORTY
Oh, ooh boy… Is it a bad time?
I was hoping I could tell you some
some… Rick and Morty stories.
PRINCESS DOWRY
It’s okay, Morty. I know why you’re here.
You got your patriarch’s blessing. You
got my patriarch’s blessing.
MORTY
Patriarch? I don’t think Rick is much
of a family leader. Heck, my mom is
more of a patriarch than him.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Y-your mother?
The PRINCESS sniffles.
MORTY
Yeah, she calls the shots around my house
not even my dad argues with her.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Is that really how life is like in the house
of Scientos? If that’s the case, then maybe…
The PRINCESS resumes crying.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Maybe after I give birth to your
children it won’t be that bad.
MORTY
Woah there! What are you talking about?!
PRINCESS DOWRY
Just do your vile deed and get it over
with, Morty.
MORTY
What did you think I came here for, Dowry?
PRINCESS DOWRY
Earlier at dinner. You claimed me as
your wife. And now you’ve come to
use your property and consummate our union.
MORTY
W-what! No! I mean, I was kinda hoping that… but
like, not like this. I didn’t come to “claim” anybody!
PRINCESS DOWRY
Did you not have coital intentions toward
me at the dinner table?
MORTY
I mean, I did. But I was hoping to get to
know you first so… y’know… so you could return
those feelings. Or not.
PRINCESS DOWRY
I didn’t know refusing even was[ar] an option.
MORTY
Oh boy…
EXT. ALTERNATE HUSSIELOT. PIT OF CHAMPIONS. MORNING.
The PIT is packed to the brim with hungry and sick looking peasants. The QUEEN is sitting on a chair overseeing the arena, she is breastfeeding a baby while two slightly older children sit by her side.
Four KNIGHTS exit the four corners of the arena, in four different colors. They’re riding on horseback and are traveling in circles.
A platform rises in the middle of the arena. The prisoners are huddled together on it, including RICK and SUMMER.
RICK and SUMMER are dolled up in some basic chainmail armor, each pick up a sword. SUMMER is shaking, but RICK seems confident. He inserts a USB-drive into the pommel of his sword, reprogramming it, and allowing him to kick ass. He slices and dices the other prisoners while the knights continue to circle them.
SUMMER in the meantime tries to maintain a distance, only occasionally hurting or blocking anybody, until she accidentally stabs the prisoner that was preaching revolution earlier in the dungeon.
In the end,only SUMMER and RICK remain. RICK turns to her. SUMMER looks at the QUEEN.[as]
SUMMER
Are you not entertained?!
RICK
Wrong era, Summer.
The QUEEN seems bored, she’d fiddling around with RICK’s portal gun while her children play with the sci-fi machete.
ROYAL ANNOUNCER
The prisoners must leave ONE champion to
try and claim his place among the four horsemen.
RICK
You heard the woman, Summer.
SUMMER
Grandpa! I’m not fighting you.
RICK
You wanted a genuine medieval experience,
well here it is.
SUMMER
No, I didn’t. You wanted a genuine medieval
experience. I was fine with acting.
SUMMER inserts a similar USB-drive into her sword and swings at RICK. He is surprised by her tenacity.
SUMMER
That’s all you seem to care about. You want
us to live in reality so much.
SUMMER swings at RICK again, he blocks her.
RICK
Shut up, Summer.
SUMMER’s tenacity takes the upper hand on RICK. The QUEEN seems to be quite entertained.
SUMMER
But this isn’t reality. This isn’t my
authentic life. It’s a fantasy scenario
you created. And after this match is over,
we’re gonna go back home and forget this ever
happened, while these people will live with
the consequences of our vacation and their shitty lives!
SUMMER defeats RICK. As he is lying on the ground, the four knights surround them. SUMMER raises the sword above his neck.
SUMMER
Authentic enough for you?
A roar is heard from up in the sky. Everybody looks up.
RICK
Oh yeah, I forgot. Dragons are still alive
in this universe.
INT. HUSSIELOT ROYAL PALACE. OUTSIDE SITUATION ROOM. NIGHT
PRINCESS DOWRY and MORTY are standing outside of the room. PRINCESS DOWRY is walking back and forth while MORTY approaches.
MORTY
Don’t worry, princess.
I’m sure your grandpa will clear
all of this up.
PRINCESS DOWRY
I hope so, too.
MORTY comes to knock on the door, but before his hand lands, the door opens, and the KING is standing there.
KING
Is there a problem, grandchild of Scientos?
MORTY
Hello, your majesty. We were actually
here to ask you a question. Can we
come in?
MORTY looks inside the room. The KING’S ADVISORS are inside, and they quickly turn off their holograms and documents.
KING
But of course.
MORTY, the PRINCESS and the KING enter the room.
MORTY
So previously, during dinner. When I
asked you if I could spend some time
with princess Dowry, and you said yes.
You didn’t mean that in the Marriage
Blessing way, right?
KING
Of course not, young one.
I would never give my granddaughter
in marriage to somebody like you…
MORTY
Well, there’s no need to insult me…
PRINCESS DOWRY
Phew…
MORTY
Oh man…
KING
…who would be dead the next morning.
The KING reactivates the holograms, showing the details for the execution of RICK, MORTY, and SUMMER in the pit of champions.
EXT. ALTERNATE HUSSIELOT. PIT OF CHAMPIONS. MORNING.
The four knights are evacuating the people and the QUEEN and her children from the premises as the roars of the DRAGON get closer.
RICK
Huh, I guess the life of a royal
Hussielot knight are less exciting
than in legend.
SUMMER
Grandpa, what are we gonna do?
RICK checks a holographic watch inside his wrist. The hologram shows a timer counting back 5 seconds or so.
RICK
Relax, I taught you my lesson, it’s time
to go home.
The countdown reaches 0. RICK’s Portal Gun flies off of the QUEEN’s hands and he catches it in a cool action pose before catching the laser machete in a similar manner.
SUMMER
No, grandpa! We’re not abandoning these people!
SUMMER grabs the laser machete off of RICK. She puts on the Black Knight armor that was prepared for the winner in the pit. She struggles with putting it on.
SUMMER
Fasten my armor, please.
RICK sighs and helps her out.
The DRAGON flies down onto the arena. It looks a lot like the dragon in the painting of RICK in the other Hussielot, except blue instead of red.
SUMMER puts on her helmet and rides to battle. The scene turns into the style of an oil painting before fading to black.
EXT. HUSSIELOT PIT OF CHAMPIONS. NOON.
The technologically advanced Hussielot’s pit of champions is a lot like the primitive one, except bigger and with aliens and holograms and other advanced technologies. But other than that, it’s exactly the same, with the four knights and the rising platform with prisoners on it.
The KING rises and speaks into a floating megaphone. PRINCESS DOWRY is standing next to him, looking worried.
KING
Today we have a special guest here in the
Pit of Champions. Morty, grandchild of Scientos!
The crowd boos.
The KING begins detailing the story of why MORTY is being judged. As he speaks, holograms depicting the events show up in the stadium. MORTY cringes every time he sees something terrible his grandpa was responsible for.
KING
30 years ago, our kingdom was left in
chaos. The Dragons were gone, and with
them absent the rat population grew. And so did
the snake population as they fed on the rats.
KING
The Wizard Scientos abandoned us, and left
his highly corrosive and dangerous lab behind.
KING
Which then exploded and left our people
in an even more dire situation as radiated
mutants roamed our streets, eating the healthy
citizens of Hussielot.
KING
It was because of him that I was forced
to concede my kingdom to the Galactic Federation
Which has enslaved us and eroded our culture.
KING
And so now, with this last of our proud institutions.
We shall punish the grandchild of the wizard![at]
The crowd cheers.
PRINCESS DOWRY stands up and waves towards MORTY.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Grandfather, stop!
I’m in love with him!
MORTY
You’re not in love with me. You’re just
convinced you’re into me because I’m the
first person who treated you with respect
and you’re grateful I didn’t rape you[au][av].
PRINCESS DOWRY
Oh yeah, that must be it.
PRINCESS DOWRY seems much happier now.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Still, I hope you don’t die!
MORTY (SIGHING)
Thank you, princess.
KING
Let the battle of champions begin!
Just as the battle is about to begin and MORTY is about to get wasted by a bunch of alien prisoners, a green portal opens[aw].
SUMMER exits the portal and slices the alien about to kill MORTY with the laser machete.
KING & PRINCESS DOWRY
The Black Knight?!
MORTY
Summer?
SUMMER
Did I hit her?
SUMMER takes off her helmet and looks at the alien head impaled on her sword.
SUMMER
Dang, you can’t see anything in this thing.
I was hoping to hit the royal slut.
PRINCESS DOWRY
Hey![ax]
RICK exits the portal, drinking.
RICK
Are we done here? What is here?
MORTY
They were about to kill me because of
what you did 30 years ago.
SUMMER
Wow. You really are the worst,
grandpa Rick.
RICK
Yeah, I figured.
MORTY
You left them at the mercy of mutants
and the Galactic Federation.
The KING interjects
KING
What is going on here?!
Continue the trial now that they’re all here!
RICK
Listen, kingy. Your majesty.
I realized today that I tend to be
kind of a hypocrite sometimes.
SUMMER
Yes, so let us make it up to you!
RICK
What? Summer! I was just gonna apologize.
KING
Making up to us, how?
SUMMER
We’ll liberate you! We killed the
Federation once, we can do it again.
KING
No.
SUMMER
No?!
KING
You and your family did enough
damage to this kingdom already.
KING
If you’re not gonna die. Then just leave[ay][az][ba].
PRINCESS DOWRY
I think that’s for the best, too, Morty.
RICK
Great, let’s fuck off, then.
MORTY
Oh, before we leave. Please let your women
marry whoever they want from now on.
SUMMER
They have forced marriage too?
Stuff like this is why I think
authenticity is shit, btw[bb].
SUMMER gets off her horse and the three of them leave through a portal.
INT. SMITH FAMILY DINING ROOM. MORNING.
SUMMER, MORTY and RICK arrive at their home. SUMMER leaves her helmet on the table and sits down. Their lunch from Medieval Times is still there, and very cold.[bc]
SUMMER
I’m starving again.
MORTY
This is cold.
RICK
Want me to heat it up again?
SUMMER
Ew, no.
RICK
We can always go to Medieval Times to get new ones.
SUMMER
Or we can go to Waffle House.
MORTY
Yeah, that sounds good.
RICK
Perfect, let’s go.
Post-Credits Scene:
INT. WAFFLE HOUSE. MORNING.
RICK, SUMMER and MORTY are sitting at the table, eating very inauthentic Belgian waffles and pancakes.
A ROBBER wearing a wizard hat and halloween mask barges into the building, waving his gun around.
ROBBER
I am Belgos! The Waffle House Wizard!
Give me all your money!
Every customer in the building proceeds to aim their own firearm at the ROBBER.
RICK
Now this is an authentic
Waffle House experience!
END
Comments:
Great job holding back on more homestuck references than “Hussielot.” When I saw that country name, I just about groaned aloud, and said Oh, it’s gonna be one of THOSE pieces… but you really stayed your hand; which I applaud! That being said, the first thing that jumps out to me is the scene where it’s revealed that the King planned on killing them all. His delivery comes off as really stilted and awkward. Also, his plan for ending their lives is really silly, considering all he knows about Rick’s abilities from the past. Someone who defeated a massive dragon with his wits and steel would SURELY have no problem breaking out of a gladitorial match; no matter HOW technically advanced. Since he’s had 30 years and the help of ALIENS, I’d imagine he could dream up more than just “throw them in a pit with swords and watch people try to stab them.” It’s kind of weak. He has advisors around! Someone poison a meal; have rick be rude and throw it out for morty to scoop it up and try to feed someone-- like, have a peasant eat it, then burst into hives and vomit fiery bees or something. That’d be a more interesting way to find out that someone’s trying to murder rick. The cardinal rule is “show, don’t tell.” Show us that the king has been planning his revenge for decades; only to have it fail for something silly like an unappealing culinary presentation. Was it supposed to be short? because if not, that might pad out the second act a bit; which you probably need. It’s a bit on the short side.
[a]Slug lines are formatted INT/EXT. LOCATION - TIME
[b]You don't need all caps after first introduction.
[c]Unless this pays off somehow, i think this sentence is unnecessary.
also i hope i'm doing this google docs beta thingie right !
[d]I agree, everyone who has watched Rick and Morty already know that Summer wears a pink tank top.
[e]her outfit here is unimportant because it's the 'standard Summer outfit'
[f]Every sentence in this piece of dialogue starts with "I [verb]", and it feels rather bland and passive. Mix up the sentence starters maybe?
[g]Agreed, too many I's. Feels repetitive.
[h]Formatting error. Parentheticals go below the character name unless it's somethung (CONT'D) or (O.S.).There's others but I can remember them off the top of my head. Also, I reccomend copying over to a screenwriting program such as w writer duet (first 3 scrpts are free). They have a dual lingo function that will format this correctly.
[i]Maybe you can rephrase this to something like "You make the same face as my GF when..", "You have the same face my gf makes.." or "You make the same bragging face.."
you could also replace "bragging" with a variety of more Summer-esque words. Like "blowhard", apparently that's a synonym to bragging, and it'd certainly add to the humor.
[j]Why are you like this?
[k]Love you really Charles
[l]This could just be me being stupid lol, but I don't recall any episode where a portal Rick made could physically damage or "slice off" material like that. I dont think it's been established in the show that they've got destructive potential like that lmao.
[m]Unneeded space above
[n]No need for all caps
[o]All caps unnecessary.
[p]Would add all caps here
[q]Spell out
[r]I feel like this line is too specific for Rick's character and it feels open to a condescending joke on Rick's behalf
[s]**wasn't, past tense, mate
[t]Feels unnecassary after last sentence.
[u]Spell out
[v]Condense. You never want a paragraph longer than 4 lines. Partial sentances are okay, I.e. removing it is from the beginning of the second sentence. Being visual but succinct is key.
[w]**then xD
[x]just seems unnecessary if you're going to cut away
[y]Was away to long. I know all this formattong rules I commentonv about can be annoying but, as my professors have drilled into my head for the past 2 years, you have to prove you can follow the rules before you're allowed to break them.
[z]Maybe you wanna be more specific about her dress.
[aa]Don't end a scene on dialogue
[ab]Why not? That's not a rule I've encountered (although I will add transitions if I want to emphasise the speed/pacing of the transition)
[ac]It's something I was recently told in class by a professor. The way he worded it made me think it was a hard and fast rule. Could very well be that it's just something he sticks to though
[ad]So one thing I was told recently os that you shouldnt use verbs ending in ing when writing a screens play. I'm still a bit unsure how valid this is myself but I would try to limit it as much as possible.
[ae]This may sound nitpicky but I feel like she should say grandfather. It's more formal sounding and given that she's a princess the informalness of grandpa sounds wrong. Also, everyone sounds kinda similar. Give a strong dialogue pass and make sure everyone has their own, unique voice.
[af]Not quite sure why the "royal" is here, the sentence'd be better off without it
[ag]This feels super clunky to me
[ah]it does, perhaps it would be better if more emphasis was put on Morty's reaction in this line
[ai]If Morty is stuttering here, put some dashes to signify it. More like:
"Mr.-- Mr.-- your majesty"
[aj]This feels very un-Rick to think or say
[ak]I agree with Marissa. He'd be a bit more.. I think abrasive about it. You could rephrase it to:
"Yeah, but that's the only thing that made this damn place charming!", or something a tad more aggressive like that.
[al]I don't think Rick would actually care though
[am]Maybe not, but it's also plausible for Rick to hate it because of the uniformity of what he thought was a unique place with everywhere else. His character is pretty fuckin nihilistic in general especially when it comes to "not being special" (hence the millions of other Ricks and millions of other family members from other dimensions, they're symbolism of how no one is special and how everyone is replaceable).
So it would be pretty in character for Rick to be anxious about this.
Sorry for the long reply xD
[an]I'd suggest a line for summer suggesting that Morty would have to face the king if he did anything mischievous with the princess
[ao]I thought Morty already lost his virginity tho? With the sex robot that mothered Morty Jr.?
[ap]Also, I agree with lamn0twill. Maybe something like:
"Don't mess around with her enough to piss His Royal Redness off", or perhaps "Be careful Morty, don't let the King catch you macking on your girlfriend(/his granddaughter)."
[aq]👍
[ar]*was even
[as]This feels really chunky which in turn nake it feel a bit slow. This in action sequence. Make it fast paced and have fun with it! I do love Summer accidently stabbing the prisoner from before though. It's a nice plant and pay off.
[at]Why are these all seperate? Also of he's speaking and is the next character to have dialogue there should be a paraphrases with cont'd in it beside the name.
[au]On the nose
[av]Very on the nose
[aw]Show don't tell
[ax]Would she even know the term slut? Maybe who're, but slyt feels like a modern term. I'm not well versed on its origin though.
[ay]Way too informal for a king.
[az]actually, having him be informal could be a demonstration of the king just prioritising getting rid of the Sanchez family over the royal pomp
[ba]I'd imagine the king would be a bit more intent on killing the fam instead of giving up that easily
[bb]Unless she's actually saying, "btw" spell out by the way
[bc]Show don't tell