- After seeing your face I'm considering taking up drinking.
- A goblin with one hand nailed to a tree would be more of a threat than you!
- Ah, I see the village idiots got into the armory again.
- Ah yes, that fabled wit I've heard so much about. Well, half of it anyway.
- All this magic in the world and none of it can make you smarter or less ugly.
- Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
- Are you sure you're holding that properly? It doesn't seem to be working very well.
- Argh! A hideous fiend! Oh wait, no, you're just ugly.
- A wet cat is tougher than you!
- By looking at you, now I know what you get when you scrape out the bottom of the barrel!
- Darling, that skirt with those shoes?
- Did someone leave your cage open!
- Did you just try to hit me? Because it didn't look like it.
- Did you rehearse that monologue? Oh what am I saying, you probably read it off of that napkin you call a spellbook
- Did your mother cast a Darkness spell to feed you!
- Does all that dirt and ugly make it harder to hit you or do you just look like that for no benefit?
- Do you brush your teeth with a hammer?
- Do you even know which end of that is pointy?
- Do you know what is the difference between you and a troglodyte? I am seriously asking here because you both smell so bad that no one can get close enough to find out.
- Even trolls find you repulsive.
- Everyone is allowed to make a mistake now and then, but I feel you're abusing the privilege!
- How does it feel that you're not worthy of anyone casting a decent spell on you!
- How do you manage to dress yourself in the morning?
- I'd call you a complete moron but I think you're missing a few parts.
- I'd call you a pile of dung, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
- I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.
- I'd like to leave you with one thought… but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
- I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my arse!
- I'd say you're as dumb as a rock, but rocks offer better conversation!
- I'd say you were a worthy opponent, but I once fought a flumph wielding a dandelion!
- I'd say you were dropped on your head as a child but 'thrown' seems more fitting.
- I'd teach you some manners but I doubt that you are capable of learning them.
- I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you are sure to understand!
- I'm afraid that you are experiencing delusions of adequacy!
- I'm curious, did it take practice to be this much of a failure or does it come naturally to you?
- I'm not angry. I'm just very disappointed.
- I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying a beholder would refuse to look at you.
- I'm so excited to forget you.
- I'm trying to insult you as much as your existence insults me.
- I'm trying to take you seriously but your constant blunders make it impossible.
- I've seen fungi with more charm!
- I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
- I've washed more brains off my boots than are in your head!
- I am always happy to have you around. Your aroma is a vivid reminder why I no longer enter owlbear caves.
- I can't believe you'd come out in public with a face like that. Have some decency and wear a mask.
- I can tell your reservoir of courage is fed by the tributary running down your leg!
- I didn't know excrement golems existed.
- I didn't think anyone could be wholly incompetent, but I stand corrected!
- I don't have the time or the crayons to explain why you shouldn't mess with us!
- I don't know what cursed thing your mother slept with under a full moon, but she owes us all an apology!
- I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce!
- I envy everyone you have never met.
- If a mindflayer ever attacks, you're safe!
- If I gave you a copper piece, how long before it ended up in your nose?
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive!
- If I throw you some peanuts, would you do a trick!
- If I were you, I'd go and get my money back for that Remove Curse spell!
- I fought aberrations and somehow you manage to be more disgusting.
- If stupidity ever becomes valuable, there will be wars fought over the mining rights to that head of yours .
- If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair!
- If you think I'm funny, wait until my friend with the <weapon> starts their "knock knock" routine!
- If you were anymore inbred you'd be a sandwich.
- If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
- I have met sharper loaves of bread!
- I love how you don't care what people think of you.
- In a world where anyone can be anything, I will never understand why you chose to be mediocre!
- I regret all the insults that I may throw at you. Half will be too kind, and the rest you probably won't understand!
- I see that you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?
- Is that a breath weapon? Or do you not own a toothbrush?
- I suspect it's safer to be in front of you when a fight starts, that's the one place you never manage to hit.
- It's pointless to make fun of you because it will take you the rest of the day to figure out!
- It's sweet how you pretend to try, but I doubt you know what you are doing.
- It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level!
- I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I hate to fight against an unarmed opponent!
- I’d agree with you, then we’d both be wrong.
- Let me guess, you have a great personality.
- Look at that ladies and gentlemen. It can speak.
- Looking at your face reminds me, I need to start carrying acid flasks.
- Looks like you fell from the ugly tree, hit every ugly branch on the way down then rolled onto the ugly road to get run over by the ugly cart.
- May every sock you wear be slightly rotated just enough to be mildly uncomfortable.
- My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! Damn right they're better than yours!
- No loot is worth having to look at you!
- Now I know what the opposite of awesome is!
- No wonder you're hiding behind cover, I'd hide too with a face like that!
- Now there's a face only an aboleth could love.
- Oh, that's your face? I mistook it for a gangrenous wound.
- Oh, that explains the smell.
- Should we contact the elemental plane of stupid? Something must be missing you.
- So does failure run in your family?
- Someday you'll go far and I hope you stay there!
- Someone is depriving a village of it's idiot!
- Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.
- Such a big sword. Are you compensating for something?
- The only thing uglier than your outfit is your face.
- There's a difference between you and a golem, one is a mind- less, shambling abomination that is a mockery of sentient life and the other is a golem.
- There are more holes in your capabilities than in Halfling cheese!
- There is no beholder's eye in which you are beautiful!
- The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes.
- They say the gods make no mistakes, but you are proof otherwise.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Ask your parents.
- Ugh what the hell is that all over your face? Oh.. that's just your face.
- Vacant expression, tattered robe, and a stain on your knees, Yup you're a cultist.
- Very impressive, are you available for children's parties!
- Was one of your parents an orc or are your teeth just that bad?
- Was that your own idea or did someone write it down for you?
- What demon did your mother consort with to have you!
- When I make the epic story of this adventure, I think I'll skip this scene. You're enough of an embarrassment to this generation, and I don't want to impose on future generations.
- Whichever god made you had a sick sense of humor.
- Who are you again?
- Why don't you go lick a branch or whatever a moron like you does in private!
- With aim like that, it would be more effective to just wait for me to die of old age.
- Would you like me to remove that curse? Oh my mistake, you were just born that way!
- Wow. You really look your age.
- You're about as useful as nipples on a breastplate.
- You're a disappointment to your ancestors!
- You're going to make an excellent belt!
- You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar!
- You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you'd make a spoon jealous.
- You're the reason baby orcs cry!
- You are aware that people simply tolerate you?
- You are maggot pie served from a dwarf's codpiece!
- You aren't important enough for a specific insult!
- You aren't pretty enough to be this stupid.
- You couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel!
- You couldn't win a fight against a fire elemental if you were underwater.
- You do know the pointy end is supposed to go in the other guy, right!
- You eat any good books lately?
- You fight like a dairy farmer.
- You fight with all the skill of a trained dog, without the training.
- You found your life's purpose. A warning to others!
- You have no more brain in your head than I have in my elbows.
- You look like a scab on a troll's wart!
- You look like something I drew with my left hand!
- You look like the armpit of an unshaven bog hag!
- You look like your face was on fire, and someone tried to put it out with a pick axe!
- You must be thrilled that you can bring joy to everyone in a room by such a simple act of leaving it!
- You must have worked hard to be this incompetent.
- You really have a lot of guts going into the open looking like that.
- Your mother is really disappointed in your life choices.
- Your parents should've known better.
- Your shoes don't match your belt!
- Your wit has never been matched. Exceeded, often, but never matched.
- You second-rate Shrek reject! Why don't you sod off and peel an onion somewhere?
- You would bore the legs off a village idiot!