Perfect Harmony; a play in three acts
Written and Performed by Starswirl the Bearded's 'Introduction to Omnipotence' class
Act I, in which the Princess is troubled
We see Princess Prettyface (played by Princess Celestia, age 5) in a tower.
Prettyface: I'm bowed, if onwy my pwince in shining awmow would come an' wescue me fwom this dull day.
Enter Queen Meanie (played by Lady Chrysalis, age 3)
Meanie: Go to youw woom, Pwincess Pwettyface. You have pwincessy stuff to do dat's weally weally weally bowing. An' if you don't do it, I'll make you eat bwoccowi fowever!
Exit Queen Meanie
Prettyface: Awwwww...... expresses a frowny face
Enter Lady Starshine (played by Princess Luna, age 4) and Count Chaos (played by Discord, age √-Q). Lady Starshine is holding a ball.
Chaos: Look, Starshine! Princess Prettyface is trap-ed in her room! It must be really really really really boring in there.
Starshine: Maybe she'd wike to pway wif us. Pwincess, do you want to pway an' have fun wif us?
Prettyface: I'd wuv to, but Qween Meanie won't wet me. She'ww make me eat bwoccowi if I don't stay hewe.
Lady Starshine and Count Chaos make 'Ewww' noises with accompanying faces. Count Chaos snaps his fingers, making a staircase to the window Princess Prettyface is looking out of
Chaos: We won't tell her. Let's go have fun!
Princess Prettyface goes down the staircase, joining Lady Starshine and Count Chaos. All giggle, and exheunt.
End Act I
Act II, in which fun is had
We see Princess Prettyface, Lady Starshine, and Count Chaos sitting under a tree, rolling a ball between the three of them. After a set of passes, they get up and join hooves/claw/paw and begin the child's game 'Ring Around the Rose Bush'
All: Wing awound da wose bush! Twy not to faww on youw tush! Giggles, giggles, an' bweak apart!
All fall backwards, giggling.
Starshine: Wet's pway Hide an' Seek! I caww not seeking!
Prettyface: Not seeking!
Chaos: Alright, I'll count to 20
Count Chaos places his head against the tree and begins counting upwards. Lady Starshine and Princess Prettyface begin moving about attempting to hide. Enter Queen Meanie with an angry expression.
Meanie: You'we in biiiiiig twouble, Pwincess. Now you'we going to eat bwoccowi FOWEVEW!
Queen Meanie begins dragging Princess Prettyface away by her ear. Lady Starshine attempts to stop her.
Starshine: Weave hew awone, you big meanie!
Meanie: Dat's Queen Meanie! An' now I needs to punish you too!
Queen Meanie grabs Lady Starshine with her other front hoof and drags the two away. Count Chaos finishes his counting as the others exit.
Chaos: Ready or not, here I come!
Count Chaos searches nearby, then gives a startled look to the audience.
Chaos: Oh no! Queen Meanie must have capt-ur-red them! I'll need to res-cue them!
Exheunt Count Chaos
End of Act II
Act III, in which the day is saved
Queen Meanie, Princess Prettyface, and Lady Starshine are sitting around a table. Prettyface and Starshine are tied to their chairs. A large bowl of broccoli is on the table.
Meanie: Now eat youw bwoccowi, ow dewe won't be any food fow you two. Ha ha ha ha!
Prettyface: But I don't wanna! It tastes tewwibwe!
Starshine: An' why do I need to eat it? I'm not even hungwy.
Meanie: Quiet! Now eat it 'cause I'm a big meanie an' stuff.
Queen Meanie forces a piece of broccoli into each of their mouths. Both give 'retch' faces. Meanie continues to laugh.
Meanie: And no one wiww stop me!
Chaos: Not if I stop you!
Enter Count Chaos. He pushes Queen Meanie once and she falls over. Count Chaos moves to untie the sisters.
Chaos: I have sav-ed you two.
Prettyface and Starshine: Yay!
Queen Meanie stands back up.
Meanie: It's not ovew yet!
Chaos: pointing offstage He dis-ag-rees.
Meanie: Ahhhhhh!!
Exheunt, followed by an Ursa Major
Chaos: And now, to kiss the Princess that I have sav-ed.
Count Chaos embraces Princess Prettyface, pulling her closer as they-
“Hold it!” Twilight interrupted.
“What? That's how the story goes.” Discord replied, standing up from behind the counter at Sugarcube Corner.
“You expect me to believe that not only did you go to kindergarten with the Royal Sisters, but that you kissed Celestia without her trying to interrupt you in any way?”
“Yes.” the draconequus replied flatly.
“And the sock puppets?”
“Completely vital. You can't tell a flashback without them. Ever.” With a snap of his claw, the puppets vanished. “As a side note, this story is also why the changelings hate ponies.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Because their future, as in 'not currently', queen was once cast as the laughably poorly written villain in a kindergarten play?”
Discord grinned widely. “I didn't expect you to pick up on it so quickly. I had more puppets lined up to explain it fully.”
“Well, I liked it, even though Queen Meanie was a really big meanie mean-pants,” Pinkie Pie piped up, having been surprisingly quiet for the show, “But where did the Ursa Major come from?”
“You know, Pinkie, I'm not entirely sure myself. I was acting that day, not in the props department.” A paw ran under Discord's chin, musing to himself.
“Really? Because I remember that day quite differently.” A smug yet regal voice spoke up from behind them. Everybody turned to look at the door, where Celestia herself stood. Hooves darted to the floor.
“Princess Celestia, with all due respect, why have you come here?” Twilight asked.
“My faithful student, I came here for two main reasons. Firstly, we have a missing draconequus, though you seem to have found him for us.” Celestia spoke, casting a glance as Discord that made him recoil.
“Well, we've certainly got that situation under control. Please don't tell me that you two met that way.” Twilight looked pleadingly up at her mentor.
“Very well, I won't tell you.” Celestia smirked. Twilight's face went into spasms, shifting quickly between starting several different words. Pinkie filled the silence.
“And you said that there was another reason, Princess?”
“Yes, Pinkie. There is another reason I'm here. One that Twilight should respond to.”
Pinkie gave Twilight a tap, snapping her out of her confusion. “Yes Princess Celestia? Did you need something of me?”
“Just a single answer Twilight.”
“Of course, I can have that for you instantly. What did you want to know?” Twilight beamed up at Celestia, eager to show off her knowledge.
Celestia paused, then spoke not as a mentor, but as a friend. “How come you never write anymore?”