A formal, open letter:

To whom it may concern,

I am more than sure a handful of people have now seen multiple posts within circulation about @butchbat/@dykebat or Joey/Sven or possibly have seen posts that he, himself, have made to deflect any responsibility or wrongdoing through his continuous actions over more than the last decade. I am also more than sure everyone is truly questioning the context of what happened and how this came to be—as Joey has been a large(r) part of the fandom for over a decade. So, as the one at the center of it all, I felt like it was right for me to address it head on, to whomever may stumble across it and have questions relating to these sequence of events. I would write out how this all came to be, from the very beginning, but honestly, it’s a long and traumatic story with multiple pieces playing into a bigger picture—And I’m not sure if I can effectively convey everything that has led up to this point in time. So, I’ll skip to our current time and what happened within the last two years.

When Joey reached out mid 2023, I had been apprehensive about allowing him back into my life. He had a history of emotional and mental abuse (not only to me, but more than a handful of people) and it was hard to let go of what previously happened, and I love him. I’ve always loved him, very dearly. When he told me he had worked on changing, and blamed all of his previous actions on my ex metamor, I was quick to believe him because I failed to see the red flags that none of his elaborate lies truly held any ounce of honesty or love behind them—or, maybe I just didn’t want to believe that he could do that to me—honestly I’m still working that part out. Regardless, we began talking again every day, and it wasn’t long before he confessed feelings and expressed how I was to not tell his spouse. He told me constantly that Jay was aware he loved me, but didn’t like him to say it out loud to me “just yet”—implying the three of us would be in a triad in due time if I was “patient” and “played my cards right”. I don’t have proof of this, but I do have proof of him confessing his feelings to me. Where is my proof you ask? Well, when we had our first spat in June 2024, after I pleaded with him that I did not have the emotional capacity to pick him up off the ground if I am also on the ground—since my kitten died only 3 days earlier. In response to this, Joey lashed out at me, and contacted my partner placing blame on “BPD” and “aggression”. I also have screenshots proving this as well; and proof to show I do not have “BPD” but instead, I am a grieving autistic who just lost a kitten only 1 week after adopting her. I was upset and angry at the world, and I tried very hard to be kind to him due to the grief he has experienced almost all his life.

Before I continue you should know something about Joey and how he conducted himself around me. I was not allowed to have contact with any of his friends, hardly even his partners (even when we were dating). Some people have no idea who I am, while he was running into my DMs, telling me how I was “the one who got away” and how much he “loved” me. He even called his grandmother who was sick while he was visiting with my partner and I to boost about visiting in Canada… I never really questioned being sectioned off from the rest of his life, honestly, in the past when he had gotten too intense or too aggressive with me—I had an act of fleeing the internet and hiding face, because I was so terrified of what he could possibly do to me. I think this stuck in his head, since it happened two very stark times when he felt he needed my support. I don’t believe what I did was the best course of action, but honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to do. When I had ran the first time, he made all of our mutual friends and loved ones delete and block me for the sake of being right.

Now back to the proof. When this situation happened, with my kitten, Minmo, I had fled my discord and created a new one, set for my original to delete. During this time, Jay, his husband reached out to defend his actions, and plea to me to give him a second chance. I should have told Jay right there what he was doing behind their back, but I was hopeful that something could happen between Joey and I, where I could experience what I so desperately wanted almost a decade earlier, so I didn’t. And I recognize this makes me a sleaze bag, this makes me the other women, the cheater, just as bad as him. I recognize that. But I also recognize that he manipulated me into thinking that this was a possibility and it was not all for nothing.

I forgave Joey, and we talked things out—but things were not the same. He was cold, and distant constantly—unless I was providing around the clock support to his every need. This slowly wore on me, I wouldn’t sleep and I stopped eating because the stress was so intense from constantly walking on eggshells and begging for him to genuinely care about me when I wasn’t providing a direct currency he was craving. Finally, after about two months, in August, I decided to test the waters to see if this was still a core of his personality—and as soon as I offered sexting he was quick to begin replying in a timely manner and giving me all of his attention. Nothing went far, no pictures, and no true sexting, teasing at most, but I had concluded that I was only there to provide comfort, sex, or money. If I could not provide these 3 things, he wanted nothing to do with me. After a week or two, he approached me via DMs and asked me what he “did wrong”, to which I replied, what is going on? Instead of facing this question head on, Joey ignored me for a full 5 days, then came and tell me that he and his spouse were victims of a hate crime in their neighborhood. I took a moment and wrote out a paragraph, explaining how I did not appreciate how he treated me, but if he said he was “sorry” – I would provide the comfort he was seeking, no questions asked. Joey ignored me AGAIN for another 12 hours, only to jump into my DMs claiming how “peaceful my life is at home” and how I could reply at work… While on break. Honestly, after this exchange, I had enough of his behavior and basically told him to have fun with that, and he told me he gave up on me. My partner and I approached both Joey AND Jay to ask for 0 contact. When my partner, caught wind he was friends again with someone he claimed had sexually assaulted someone in his life, and spilled on this person’s secrets to us, he snapped and left a comment on Joey’s art—and also contacted his said “friend”. We received no reply from either of them, but Joey did publicly say “Okay Theo” in response to the comment, only to reupload and lock comments. Kind of weird that he knew it had to be myself or my partner that was calling him to be friends with someone who he claimed committed a very serious CRIME to someone he loves. Jay contacted me, in which I gave my partners contact information because I had not spoken or mentioned either of them to anyone. Because frankly it was embarrassing, I let my ex into my life to tamper with my friendships and relationships only to come to the conclusion I was his side-bitch. But moving on. Jay and Andy BOTH agreed to not mention each other again and let sleeping dogs lie, and I had absolutely no intent on ever telling anyone anything that transpired between us.

But this wasn’t enough, and close to Christmas, he posted a tweet with our song, Talk me down – Troye Sivan. If anyone knows furries, it’s that we sure are a sentimental bunch, so, in the same breath he said how much he hated this song, threw up, and how he hopes I suffer. No, my name was not displayed anywhere, but no one can convince me this was not directed at me. He never drew anyone else to this song, or linked it to anyone else. I messaged him from my bluesky and asked him, if he has something to say, and he told me “ewww didn’t you say no contact?! Ewww bye! Gross”. I contact Jay AGAIN to ask for no comments, and Jay was quick to defend and deflect. This is when I revealed more information that he was cheating behind their back, in a vindictive way, but it was done, nonetheless.

After this happening, it had been quiet for over 8 months, no contact, no comments, no communication. I have all of Joey’s accounts muted, not blocked, and I mind my business. I fell asleep and woke up to him not only view my Tiktok account but leaving a comment of “lol” under a speed paint I did for my friend JJ. This is where I have had enough, and all of these posts come in. I had asked 3 separate times to stay away and stop taunting me, I just wanted to enjoy the community on my own side and do as I see fit. At that time, I released a flurry of tweets, to which he was combative and down right rude to me about, only to quickly delete the subtweets AND the account completely to save face.

Vindictive or not, this lead me to allowing my partner to post all and any information he had told me about ANY and EVERYONE in his life and tag them all in a thread, to ensure every single person would see it, and have no option but to take what I was saying seriously. And although I regret my actions of spilling sensitive information for the internet to see—I was scared that at the end of the day, no one WOULD believe me. I had contacted people before, and I HAD been outcasted or blocked. See, Joey spins a web closely full of lies and barriers so people who he talks about to one another, never talk or realize that this is going on hidden behind the scenes. Everyone in his life is placed into 2 categories 1) beneficial and 2) nonbeneficial, and if you are hitting category 2, you can guess your information has been told to someone, somewhere, with spite and venom in his throat. Joey never learns how to be nicer, just learns how to be sneaker and more manipulative to save face. Right now, I can imagine he’s painting the story of mental illness and how it ruined his life; or how no one ever gives him a chance to be better. So let me say this directly:

Joey,

Mental illness or disability, you made these choices. You chose to treat people as disposable toys, and you chose to disclose information that was not yours. You decided to be mean, and vindictive, and even when I gave you the option to stop: you didn’t. Because that’s who you are at your core, a mean, sad, person. When people care about you, and give you time, affection, love, and support, you don’t treat them like chess pieces to win this “game”, and when you’re done chuck them off the board to ensure you have all the shiny new pieces who don’t what you’re doing when no one’s looking. I’ve talked to more than a handful of people who you’ve ran through, all of them good, honest, working people and you have absolutely no remorse for a single action you’ve committed or continue to commit. When you’re laying awake, and wondering at the end of the day what caused this, I hope you look yourself in the mirror and take a good gander—because you did this all by yourself. No one made you do this, I sat in a call, and you told me every secret, and every nasty thought you had about everyone in your life, because you thought I wouldn’t tell. You we’re wrong, I’m not that same scared little girl you met in college, and I’m sure as hell not going to let you talk shit about me or anyone else when you’re the most problematic, manipulative, mean spirited person I’ve met. I hope with ALL of my heart that you can find a way to genuinely be nice, thoughtful and considerate with your thoughts and actions, because you have painted a terrible picture of yourself that no longer resembles the boy I fell in love with.

Below is proof of everything said, I’m not really going to take time to put everything into chronological order, but feel free to view if you need to see it.

(this specific screenshot is proof that I knew he was going to court his husband a year before they got together, because he told me how cool it would be to date a popufur)

(above comments were made on this post)

 (I tried to help him multiple times get on disability and offered to fill out paperwork or make calls)

 (talking badly about his spouse

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