Seven Hells S04E06: The Laws of Gods and Men

Welcome to the Seven Hells Podcast and for our part we promise to observe guest right; but only because we are terrified of falling in love with Reek playing Theon, only to be disappointed when we gets down to business and definitely not because we respect and appreciate your listenership.  Above all else we pledge, I, Jim Chadman of NSFWatercoolers, I, Matt Leroy of Beardie and the Beast, and hound for the Horror Honeys,  I, Joe Chadman of House Chadman to enthrall and engorge you with all things Game of Thrones S04E05: First of His Name

General Revelry (Name House Sigil)

Guess Dan’s Favorite Part: (There are internet guesses)

Matt: 4000 points

Jim: -6000 points

Internet: 4000

Episode Recap: (Culled from: Game of Thrones Wiki) (Reddit discussion thread)

• Yara reads the letter from Ramsey to embolden her minions from The Iron Aisles before they assault the Dreadfort to gain access to valuable property located in the kennel.  All goes to plan until Ramsay badasses the shit out of that situation.
• Ramsay allows Reek to bathe and begins to hatch a plan after Reek demonstrates his loyalty. (am i the only one disappointed not to be seeing what’s underneath Reek’s britches.)

• Stannis and Davos visit the Iron Bank in Bravos - Davos demonstrates that Stannis is a man of his word. They agree to help because maybe the Lannisters aren’t on the level
• Davos once again recruits his old pirate friend Salladhor Saan (The Black Dude)  to Stannis' cause using some of the gold acquired from the Iron Bank

• Dragons fuck up flocks in Meereen and over 200 people are boohooing.  Daeny hears from the son of one of the oldest families in the city and learns about a ‘grey area’

• At King's Landing at a meeting of the Small Council, Tywin informs the councillors that Tyrion's trial will begin that afternoon. Lord Varys informs Tywin that Sandor "The Hound" Clegane has been spotted in the Riverlands, and Tywin orders a bounty on his head. Varys also informs the council of Daenerys's conquest of Meereen, and Tywin decides to take measures to prevent her from launching an invasion.
•   In the dungeon, Jaime has Tyrion shackled and brought into the throne room to begin his trial. King Tommen recuses himself from the trial, appointing his grandfather Tywin, Prince Oberyn Martell, and Lord Mace Tyrell as judges. Several witnesses are called for the prosecution, including Ser Meryn Trant (dick), Grand Maester Pycelle (clueless), Queen Regent Cersei, and Varys, all of whom give testimony backing the accusations against Tyrion.
• At recess, Jaime asks Tywin to spare Tyrion, offering to break his oath to the Kingsguard and return to Casterly Rock, to be his heir. Tywin accepts, telling Jaime that Tyrion will be allowed to join the Night's Watch after being found guilty of Joffrey's murder, provided he pleads for mercy

•  Returning to the trial, Tywin orders the next witness to testify: Shae. She testifies that Tyrion and Sansa planned Joffrey's murder together, claiming that Sansa wanted vengeance for the murder of her father, mother, and brother. She tells the judges of Tyrion's sexual desires, embarrassing him in front of the crowd. Before she can continue, Tyrion, enraged beyond sense, confesses his crimes. He angrily roars about how he saved King's Landings from Stannis Baratheon's forces and says he should've allowed Stannis to kill everyone in King's Landing, much to the horror and disgust of the people in the court.
•  Tyrion then claims to be guilty. Tywin assumes that he is guilty for murdering King Joffrey Baratheon. Tyrion denies, saying he is guilty in a "far more monstrous crime." which is him being a dwarf. Tywin scoffs at Tyrion's claims and says he is not on trial for being a dwarf. Tyrion angrily says he has been on trial for his entire life as a dwarf. Tywin asks if he has nothing to say in his defense. Tyrion then says he has nothing to say in his defense "but only this." He then reveals his true feelings about Joffrey, saying he wished to have killed Joffrey himself. Tyrion then turns his attention towards Cersei and says that watching him die gave him more relief than "a thousand lying whores." He then turns around to the court and roars that he wished to have become the monster they thought he was and would have gladly give his life to watch everyone die from drinking poison. This enrages everyone in the court and Tywin orders Ser Meryn to escort Tyrion back to the dungeons. Before being escorted, Tyrion demands a trial by combat.

To Note: 

• This episode was tagged with the strong sexual content warning because of how hard Shae fucked Tyrion.
• 

Women of Westeros aka Bewbs of thrones of bewbs

Dinkin around

Cards Against Westeros: (Used in Red) *

Episode Specific:

• Yara was glad Ramsey’s letter roused her troops into actions, she had tried _____ to no avail
• Reek may be a backstabbing, child killing, two faced eunuch, but at least he’s not _____
• It’s a good thing Davo accompanied Stannis to the Iron bank otherwise Stannis collateral of ___________ would have really been laughed out of the room.
• Apparently Daeny had never heard the old slaver’s bay saying ‘ one goat eaten by Dragon is worth ________
• What Varys lacks in physical genitalia is more than made up for by his ____________
•  If Cersei is willing to manipulate all this to have her brother killed imagine what she’d do if you _______________
• Tyrion Lannister’s family dynamic is akin to mixing _________________ into a sack of badgers.

• Hodor's genitals resemble a ______ holding a ________

• What some people consider violent sexual assault Geoffrey calls _______
• Tyrion Lannister began his ______________ in season 3 which he refers to as his ‘other watch’
• In King Geoffrey’s Westeros ___________ is next to godliness
• The Lord of Light’s expertise in fire elemental baby squirring and_____________
• When Jaime Lannister lost his hand it was extra devastating because it was his _________ hand.
• Petyr Baelish was not born with a house sigil so when he became powerful enough to warrant one it was curious he choose ____________,
• Varys genitals look like a ____________ choking the shit out of a _______________
• When Osha dropped her robes for Theon his ________ was forced to pay the iron price.
• Robb Stark and Jon Snow weren’t always so serious,  in fact they were a comedy troupe known as ________________ in their younger days
• Fire may not be the only thing that can slay a White Walker, in fact generations ago they simply _______________________
• A Craster family reunion can only be described as ______________
• When Daenery’s walked away from spending the night in a fire she not only revealed she was the queen of dragons but also ______________
• Khal Drago only loved his ________________ more than his horse or woman
• Milisandre can perform wondrous feat thanks to her faith; unfortunately it never helped her _______________
• Stannis Baratheon believes his is rightfully the owner of the Iron Throne, yet he still sleeps with a _________________
• Sandor Clegane aka the hound came to kick ass and ____________ and he all out of __________
• Yara Greyjoy may look like a half filled chloe sevigny blow up doll but she makes up for it by ________________
• Catelyn Stark finally warmed up to Robb’s new bride Talisa after a game of ______________ and the smell of wedding festivities in the air.
•  Samwell Tarley is able to maintain his rubenesque figure north of the wall by eating straight-up shortening and _______________
• Margaery Tyrell may be able to overlook many of her husbands faults but when he _____________ it crosses the line.