#12

July 31st I downloaded an app,

Simpsons Tapped Out, what is this crap?

I clicked on the icon on my new iPad,

Saw Homer playing Little Elves on his MyPad.

And so it began with my first tap,

The addiction of this young charming chap.

I placed the Simpsons house in level one,

And then Bart told me that was done.

On to level two, I placed the Kwik-e-Mart,

Clearly for the game I thought don’t have to be that smart.

Yet still I found the game quite interesting and fun,

Just as I do watching any old Simpsons rerun.

Lisa and Apu joined Homer to start level three,

and asked me to be green and plant a shrub and tree.

Soon the Flanders house brought about Ned,

So many characters started messing with my head.

Why so many people play, I could finally see,

An addict of the game, they started to make in me.

Curiosity wondered what’s next to place down,

Turns out it was a house of the colour brown.

In mere moments I was done with level four,

Couldn’t wait to keep going and complete more.

I eagerly awaited the arrival Krusty the Clown,

The man who could turn my frown upside down.

As level five began, Apu raised the alarm,

He needed food, and asked me to build a farm.

And so came into my game a yokel named Cletus,

Whose intelligence rivaled that of an unborn fetus.

Yet I still can’t help but love his charm,

Even though I have more intelligence in my forearm.

And thus my tutorial came to an end,

I was on my own, not even a friend.

Each passing level brought characters strict and silly,

In the shape of Krusty, Millhouse, Skinner and Willie.

Tap on characters, to task I would send,

Gaining XP and leveling up was the trend.

Addicted I was, stop playing I can’t,

Not when Level 11 came with the Power Plant.

Mr Burns arrival affected my heart,

but not nearly as much as the arrival of Bart.

With the treehouse built, I yelled out an exuberant chant,

I was as excited as Jasper with a new penile implant.

While Skinner was busy looking at birds,

Next level brought about the king of the nerds.

Martin had arrived followed by Comic Book Guy,

Stop playing I couldn’t, no matter how hard I try.

My addiction I couldn’t even put into words,

I was a shepherd, these characters my herds.

Speaking of shepherd, guess who was next,

None other than Lovejoy, he of the Text.

Not being Christian, what followed I didn’t fear,

When next came Marge and Moe, carrying Duff beer.

If beer wasn’t bad enough, time to gamble checks,

Along came Springfield Downs, beer, gambling, what next, sex?

It seemed EA was starting to lead people astray,

Much to my parents and grandparents dismay.

It was time for justice in the form of a copper,

Unfortunately Wiggum was more interested in a whopper.

Luigi was next, a walking Italian cliché,

But man does he know how to make a mean soufflé.

With Wiggum busy eating burgers and cake,

He needed a villain, a villain named Snake.

Addicted I was, that real life was a hassle,

My priority was building the Retirement Castle.

While Wiggum dealt with Snake’s jailbreak,

I lay in bed, playing addicted and awake.

The following levels brought Quimby and Nelson Muntz,

But how I wished for the deceased Lionel Hutz,

With so many kids, they needed a teacher,

So came Krabappel, and a new in-game feature.

EA had an update, awaited for months,

This was a doozy, one of their best stunts.

The ability to search characters, make them easy to find,

This new feature simply blew my mind.

Keeping track of so many characters made me insane,

Making sure I didn’t miss anyone became my bane.

I could now click in the top left and get out of a bind,

I felt I was no longer playing this addicting game blind.

Curious to see if I was the only hardcore fan,

I searched for TSTO and guess what my eyes scan.

TSTO Addicts a website I found,

How much joy ensued, in happiness you could drown.

Excited I was to find my common man,

Who had written each level walkthrough and detailed a plan.

Armed with this tool, everything looked sunny,

Helping me were Alissa, a Wookie, and even a Bunny.

Levels flew by, characters would unlock,

Also began growing my seafront and dock.

With each task I collected more money,

How addicted I was, friends thought it was funny.

Brockman, Hibbert, Smithers, Ralph, Lenny and Carl,

With each new character I smirked and let out a snarl.

Fat Tony, Legs and Louie made up my mob,

Kumiko was brought in tied to “Married with the Blob”.

Agnes made Principal Skinner panic and ensnarl,

While I needed more task for my Norwegian named Carl.

The military antique shop brought about Herman,

but was a mention of war without a German.

So next came Wolfcastle who shouted Austrian not German am I,

A parody of Arnold Sschwarzenegger if I don’t lie.

Who was next it was time to determine,

but wouldn’t be revealed til after Lovejoy’s sermon.

After the sermon, the religious boys arrived late,

Rod and Todd at Miniputt, but of course no date.

Lou and Eddie arrived and trained at the wall,

Followed by Chalmers who walked the school hall.

Each new character came with its own personality trait,

Some that I love, but some that I hate.

Guess who arrived next, much to Homer’s chagrin,

It was a woman named Patty and Selma her twin.

Nerds and hags outnumbers bullies and bimbo,

So along came Dolph, but without Kearney or Jimbo.

Donuts are scarce, being a fermium player is sometimes a sin,

Can’t get cool stuff, and don’t ask about my luck on the Christmas wheel spin.

But no matter how bad, I know I’m luckier than Kirk,

Who struggled next level to find some work.

My luck has changed from when I began,

For Christmas brought Mr Costington and Yes Man.

Finally level thirty eight, I let out a smirk,

Take that Homer, you big fat jerk.

Armed with TSTO addicts, I have all the info I need,

I check everyday for a good article to read.

Walkthroughs and captions, where did that come from,

Character guides, and how to’s, just to mention some.

TSTO Addict writers, I thank them for their great deed,

Keep running this website forever, I plead I plead I plead!

What future levels bring, only time will tell,

Will it be Cat Lady, Manjula, or even Sideshow Mel.

To tell us what’s next, EA can’t be coerced,

But I know TSTO Addicts will tell us first.

Because these guys are cool, awesome and swell,

I wish them the best and I wish them well.

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