HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLDER

  1. It takes longer to rest than to get tired.
  2. You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor, not the police.
  3. Caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
  4. You’re now wise enough to watch your step, but you don’t go anywhere.
  5. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
  6. You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 p.m.
  7. You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.
  8. Your little black book contains names only ending in M.D.
  9. Your children begin to look middle age.
  10. You look forward to a dull evening.
  11.  You sit in the rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  12. Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
  13. Your pacemaker makes the garage door open when you see a pretty girl.
  14. The little old grey-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
  15. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  16. You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
  17. Your whole day is full of “Senior Moments.”
  18. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
  19. You could read better if your arms were longer.
  20. When you bend over to tie your shoes, you think about what else you can do while you’re there.
  21. You know you’re getting older when everything either dries up or starts to leak.
  22. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting older. Squash their toes with your rocker.
  23. There is always something to be thankful for. Just think. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
  24. Three signs of old age: First is loss of memory. The other two I forget.
  25. As you get older, you don’t have to avoid temptation. It will avoid you.
  26. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  27. The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  28. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  29. You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
  30. You never argue with your spouse because you can’t hear each other.