Good evening gents and germs and welcome to another edition of the VIP Room. All access passes have been checked and you name is on the list so allow me to open the velvet rope and allow you entrance into paradise. Take a seat and enjoy all we have to offer.
First off, let’s tip the cap to the again reigning and defending champion Jonesy as he gathered more hardware for his MOF trophy case with his 4th Dolan Trophy. At this point is seem like we are all playing for 2nd through 32nd because as long as Jonesy still has a desire to compete, we are all working with one hand tied behind our backs. With that said, the sun has set on another season, the shine is gleaming off yet another ring for the champ and now the optimism for next season sets in. So let’s dive right in.
First off: EVERYONE IS UNDEFEATED BABY!!! There were some big trades in the MOF this off-season to make Season 44 interesting. The chief move that shook the league was Cam, oh Cam Newton now takes snaps in KC with QPeezy. QB Matt Stafford was just a trial run for the Chefs and decided to move on down the road to the Bay Area and joined the 49ers, now coached by the returning former MOF Champion and lovable garden gnome to us all, JEFFREY DYPKO!!!!!! So speaking of off-season moves, is anyone winning the off-season bigger than JP and the moist chewy Brownies? Coming off what can only be described as a playoff motive for homicide when the game sealing interception was fumbled and recovered for a TD, JP has been dealing and wheeling (I say it differently, get over it) and has the moist chewies poised to make it back to back division titles and right the completely wrong ending of last year’s playoffs. Another big offseason move that came in at print time for the VIP is Carson Wentz packing up and moving to……...Cincinnati? The big bird is now a big cat in the jungles of The ‘Natti as the soul-less, ginger-haired rocket was sent packing by a returned MaddenUSA. There are some impact rookies et to make a splash with new teams, namely Nick Koutouvides and Case Spitz for the Cardinals and Broncos. Both teams run the football extremely well so the rooks will get alot of time to develop, well at least another season this edition. Lastly we look at the AFC East which saw an offseason move of Leetpenith retiring from competitive sports to pursue his career as a river dancer with Michael Flatley, leaving the division wide open for the taking. BHicks is the odds on favorite to pounce but with the rest of the division handled by good ballers we shall see. One of those ballers is the returning longtime veteran Hova. Pardon me, ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF MY NAME IS HOV!!!!! Now, that’s better. Season 44 is going to be full of surprises and twists as the cream does that rising thing and we see who is the king of the hill. I mean the answer is Jonesy but still we must play the games. Screw it, someone rise up and take down the norse leader and prove it is not about the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog and those Purple People Eaters back to the ships to paddle home a loser! Who's with me?!?!
Well that wraps up this edition of the VIP Room fellas. We only serve top shelf here so don’t be asking for Pabst Blue Ribbon or for room temperature hooch in this fine establishment. Bar is closing, settle up your tabs. The VIP Room is now closed.