Ireland’s first spree killer

Reporter

Yes it finally happened! Ireland is set to compete against the US for the biggest spree killing by a civilian ever! And what’s more, the killer didn’t off himself like those spineless yanks! We’re joined here today with the infamous perpetrator John Murphy! Tell me John, what motivated you to carry out this unspeakably horrendous crime?

John

I’ve been following American tv for years and I learned my moves from the best, I wanted to bring that kind of story to these shores, a tale of mindless massacre which is something we need to distract ourselves from the daily grind.

Reporter

But why kill all those people? Why throw away your life for the goal of mass murder?

John

You kidding? Have you seen our life sentence? 14 years for killing dozens? Hell yeah I’d take that trade.