Hello, my name is Jay, I'm a roleplayer and artist with almost a decade of writing experience and I'm tired of the Persona 5 roleplay community being haunted and oppressed by literal children (and those who act like children) who think themselves equipped to police adults.

All of my troubles in the rpc began back in November of 2019; literally as soon as I joined.

It was my first time roleplaying seriously on tumblr, and I had just recently gotten my hands on a copy of Persona 5. The original game, because as many of you know, I own and have completed Royal as well, but at the time, Royal was unreleased in North America.

It was my first roleplay blog that I intended on using. I'd snagged the URL crimsongloved, and I was nervous, but excited to make new friends and enter the community for a franchise I loved! I'd dabbled in tumblr roleplay extremely briefly when I was maybe fifteen years old, but that only lasted a day. I roleplayed mostly on other sites, for other fandoms, and I am currently 20 years old. I was very excited to begin my tenure on the site as a Joker roleplayer! I wrote my rules, about and other pages, spent a lot of time on my blog-- the rpc was very nice and low-key when I first joined, and I was ready to hop right on in!

That peace didn't last.

Here's a quick explanation of who's who, because this is EXTREMELY long, and these Pego's gang changes URLs and blogs at least once a week, and ALL use the same PSD and dash layouts, so it's honestly pretty fucking hard to tell them apart sometimes. In fact, as a favor, I'll do my best update this document with their new URLs as I find them (because they'll probably be out in the wild harassing me as soon as this is published), because chances are, they're going to run. if there are no updates, that's a good sign, because it means they're all far the hell away from me.

@crimsongloved / foolarmed / adultdefy / catwhiipped - me (jay)

@cendrllon / infaith / godkin / soytea - lavenza/mishil (first person i encountered from this group)

@antiholy / antifoil / histopia - pego (second person, twitter stalker)

@maskedetective / idealmadman / nab-flavor - red (my best friend)

@encoffiner - OP of the Hamilton Bullshit (twitter stalker, pego friendgroup)

@nonjust / undistort - paz (pego's writing partner, twitter stalker)

@chakrabit - 'damage control' and nonpologist after @encoffiner said some shit they couldn't take back

This is a serious matter, but due to how fucked up it has left me, I've tried to make it at least SOMEWHAT entertaining. That's how I cope. Grab your snacks, grab your drinks, and enjoy the read. You're in for a ride.

EDIT (6/6/2020): Lavenza/Mishil's initial response to the matter was to go "NIGGER WHAT MIKU BINDER, YEE HAW!!!" pretty much. The n-word here isn't being used in a reclamation manner, but in a HATEFUL way because he disagrees with what I have to say and hates me.

I do not give a rat's ASS if you are black and 'can use that word!!!11!'

I am NOT your nigger.

I am NOT your nigga.
I am NOT a coon.

If you're going to waste your time further proving my findings and experiences true, call me by my name. JAY.

EDIT (6/6/2020): amended lavenza / mishil's pronouns (he/him). when i first met him, he went by violet / lavenza and she/he/it were their valid pronouns. called him they to play it safe, and that was wrong. has been corrected now, because paz (@nonjust) and mishil (@soytea currently) are using it to devalue my experience and call me transphobic, lmao. however, i will leave them as lavenza for the majority of this callout for continuity's sake, because that was their alias when they first attacked me, and they change names and pronouns every other week. i can promise you that within a month, MISHIL will not even be a valid name anymore, lmao. The post commenting on the amendment, featuring TIMESTAMPED EVIDENCE that the name and pronouns I used were at once valid, and taking responsibility for my mistake can be found HERE. i had no way of knowing his pronouns and name changed, because i don't keep tabs on the people i block. i block and move on, which is the healthy way of handling things. apologies, mishil. that's the only thing in this callout that i'm sorry for. the rest is completely on your friend and you's shoulders and is justified. here's a shovel. keep digging.

EDIT (6/6/2020): Post made on the blog (@pegocallout) addressing claims that I drew porn of real life people and teachers. TL;DR: The teacher I drew and hyperfixated on is a pedophile currently behind bars, with proof attached in the post. People are defending a pedophile who manipulated me and my emotions to put me down. So that is very very very awesome. Thanks.

FINAL EDIT (7/1/2020): Twitter thread detailing all the controversy surrounding me, containing mostly the information that is already presented in this document. New additions include irl hatemail. The tumblr side of things has been pretty quiet (frankly because I'm not listening because I don't give a rat's ass.) As stated, I'm not interested in a conversation of any sort with my accusers or anything that they may have to say about me. This is intended to be the FINAL update to this document and ANY social media under/tied to the @Umbrony alias, because more than anything, I DESPERATELY want to move past this and leave this part of my life behind. People have shown no intention of allowing me to do so despite me growing, educating myself and changing, and would rather dig up shit from my past (the WORST of which from when I was an actual CHILD, then ALSO turn around to be like "bUuUuuH u called out a minor!!" when these harmful behaviors are happening at PRESENT so) to watch me burn just for fun, so I have to do what I have to do for my own mental state, and well, life. Thanks to everyone who bothered to hear my side of things! I will never stop drawing, despite this driving me pretty damn close. Nor will I stop writing. Art is the only thing that I have, a coping mechanism, and nobody will EVER take that away from me.

Also, friendly reminder that being a certain age, abuse victim, mentally ill, etc. does NOT excuse you from accountability for your actions. Being underaged didn't pardon me from accountability for the awful shit I did and said. And I'VE changed. So why should it pardon these people, being toxic at present day? By that logic, can they be called out in 2 years when they turn 18? It didn't liberate me from my ills, and I have taken accountability NUMEROUS times for what has basically been my ENTIRE history online. The events documented to prove that I should be 'canceled' are from ages 15-now, and the only problematic thing I've done as of recent was misunderstand ACAB. That has been rectified, and I have researched and educated myself. This entire crusade against me was never about accountability. I cannot count all the times I've explained and contextualized my actions and apologized. No, this was all for fun and laughs, and for people that don't like me to get the pleasure of watching me suffer, because cancel culture is the internet's new favorite pastime, especially with people being unable to go outside. I've already taken accountability for all the things I've done wrong, and I'm changing. It was NEVER about accountability, growth or an apology. All of which I've provided.

However, writing teenage characters is not wrong. I am not sorry for this. I never wrote a word of smut with ANY Persona 5 muse. Or ANY underage muse SINCE turning 18. And I'm not sorry for this document, or the blog dedicated to the callout. It will remain up, and hopefully, Pego, you and your group (if you're even still friends by then seeing as you didn't like them then, but you have GROWN to. keyword GROWN) will look back on it someday and realize why it was made in the first place. And for once, grasp that perhaps, maybe just PERHAPS some fault lies among you. And then maybe you'll go out and actually buy an M-rated game legally. There's a reason that these franchises are not marketed towards children. There was NOTHING hateful in this document. Every claim made against me was debunked and had substantiated EVIDENCE backing it. Unless honesty supported by evidence is 'hate' now? Is 'hate' when situations are multi-faceted and certain sides don't make you look that good? Do I need to define 'hate' alongside doxing now?

Once more, for the people in the back: being a MINOR does not EXCUSE you from being called out for what you are doing PRESENTLY. This is affecting people RIGHT NOW, right this minute. It's not like I went back and dug up something some of these people did when they were 13 in the Undertale fandom. That'd be wrong, because people grow and change, right?

Don't let ANYONE ever drive you to being afraid to speak your mind or enjoy something. If you see people mistreating, hurting others and being toxic, speak up. Doing and saying nothing is understandable, but also is part of the issue. You may not be a part of the drama now, but when people like this get bored after beating their current victim into the ground, I can guarantee you will be, sooner or later, if you bear even the SLIGHTEST smidge of individuality or freethinking. This kind of thing affects the whole community.

Hopefully this absurd level of hypocrisy is just a 'minor' thing and it will be grown past.

MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH LAVENZA/MISHIL (cendrllon) AND THEIR GROUP

tw for mentions of pedophilia

It was around my second week on tumblr, and I was having fun threading with the new people and interesting muses I met!

I briefly brushed shoulders with Lavenza / Mishil on his Kasumi (with the URL cendrllon at the time), and we were mutuals for maybe .2 seconds before he unfollowed me. I didn't notice because I don't keep track of my followers Like That, but I soon learned that I'd done SOMETHING to set him off, because a mutual of mine with access to both of our blogs warned me that my name was going around in association with a pedophile warning. This greatly confused me, so asked for screencaps of the post--

and I was horrified. As some of you may know by now, this was not my first rodeo when it comes to defamation of character and cancel culture. Blocking someone and then namedropping them behind their back while insulting them is not warning your followers, it is being a mean and spiteful person for no reason, which, as shown later, seems to be a trend within this circle of friends. My friend Red (@maskedetective, now inactive) actually got in contact with Lavenza and tried to reason with him about the situation, as seen below.

HERE is my response to the situation. At the time I was very patient, pretty damn confused, and mistakenly actually thought Lavenza was a minor at the time (he is not, he is 18, or at least were the last time I checked), as you can tell by some of the things I said. I apologized for not thoroughly reading his rules and if I'd made him uncomfortable. I was careful and concise in my approach and patiently explained why cancel culture is harmful. Instead of approaching me about the situation and trying to have a discussion, or just blocking me and moving on, Lavenza chose to namedrop and mar my involvement in the community practically right as it began.

After failed attempts to reason with him from both my response and Red's replies, I added an amendment in my rules that clarified that the aging-up thing was not for smut, but was to fix Atlus's wrongs. What I meant by that is that yes, at the time I was entertaining MAYBE writing with the adult confidants in a romantic sense, but in a future TL where Akira had LONG graduated HS and was returning to Tokyo on business, or something. I didn't know then, and I truly don't know now. But you have to remember, Persona 5 is a game targeted for ADULTS in which you, playing as a child, can SLEEP with adults. I obviously wasn't down with that. I thought 'this is the best way I can fix this and STILL write with everyone and maintain canonness'.

Even AFTER adding that amendment I never wrote ships with an adult muse. EVER. In fact, even to this day, I've only ever shipped with like… the same three or four people. And honestly, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by just deleting the rule altogether. It really wasn't worth all the trouble, and now I just have a strict NO ADULT CONFIDANT SHIP policy altogether, which can be seen in my current rules, found here, with the screencap pictured below;

While your blog should be your safe-space in which you can technically do and say whatever the hell you want, and writers retain the right to warn their peers/mutuals, insulting people and then speaking to them as though they can see after you've blocked them and spreading blatant misinformation is immature behavior and slander. It's okay to not be open to discussion, and it's okay to block people you don't want to interact with for no reason. But it's not okay to do this kind of thing to defame and spread misinformation on someone you've literally never spoke to or seen write the kind of thing you're claiming, and then claim further down the road 'i want u to change ur behavior!' which brings us to…

MY SECOND ENCOUNTER WITH LAVENZA, FEATURING PEGO (@antifoil),

AND THEIR HARRASSMENT OF LUCKY (@charismastatic)

Of course, the last part should have been the end. But naturally, it was not.

The first situation with Lavenza left me so drained, and the fact that he didn't listen at all to reason or anything that I or anyone else said led to me taking a long hiatus. It was tough and ugly and messed with my mental state, but I didn't receive THAT much hate outside of Lavenza's echo chamber, so it wasn't the end of the world.

I was off of tumblr for a long period of time, and I did not truly return to my Joker blog until around maybe late April, around the time when I was almost done with Royal. Before I went away, I mused Leon from Pokemon (@champizard) and tried my hand at a couple other SWSH muses. If you are active in the PKMN RPC, you may have seen me around.

Upon my return to the P5 RPC, and thinking everything had calmed down, I rebranded my entire blog and aesthetic, and changed my URL from foolarmed to adultdefy. I started writing with a sweet person who went by the name of Lucky (@charismastatic, now defunct), who ran a multimuse and primarily mused FF characters, but had only recently gotten into the Persona/SMT franchise through Royal and was giving musing Maruki a try.

We hit it off and began to plot together, and I approached them in DMs asking if it was okay that my Akira, who is bisexual, had a crush on Maruki. Lucky said that this was fine, as we both understood as adults that it was perfectly normal behavior for teenagers to have crushes on their teachers and misplace emotions as being those of romantic interest-- if I may be blunt for a second, I had quite a crush on one myself, and maybe that was a spot of projection on my part. A simple unrequited crush on a student counselor is NOT that farfetched. NOTHING SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC was ever involved with anything we ever plotted. Just Maruki steering Akira AWAY from him. Lucky and I both agreed and expressed that this was solely one-sided and that Maruki grasped the position of power he was in as an adult and a teacher, and that no weird shit would be going on. Not on the dash, nor behind the scenes. Neither of us were looking for that. We just wanted to write normal interaction between our muses.

Now, Lucky and I never actually got the chance to write.

Lucky tagged me in a meme she posted, pictured below;

Prior in our IMs, we had been discussing that post of the white dog named cumlord. There's a tumblr post where someone's like 'that's cumlord' on a picture featuring the dog and someone replied 'that's what' and we were joking that that confused person was Maruki and the person saying 'that's cumlord' was Akira. That's just context on that last part.

Literally IMMEDIATELY after that post, a new player entered the theater of the living.

Meet Pego (@antiholy), who is friends with Lavenza and extremely similar in personality, page layout and mannerisms. SO similar in fact, that I initially mistook them for Lavenza and preemptively BLOCKED them before we even got to interact.

Here are the caps from the parts in my second set of rules (DIFFERENT from and UPDATED from the ones that were on crimsongloved) in question which clearly Do Not Say Anything That Pego Said That They Said.

And here's the part of my rules that Pego blatantly ignored.

Even though I mistakenly thought they were Lavenza at the time, this exact rule is why I preemptively blocked Pego. Because in their rules, they basically said that they LOVE callout culture, and by their actions this has been proven true.  Keep in mind that for Pego to have seen ANYTHING that was going on on my blog, they had to log out and INTENTIONALLY keep tabs on me. Which does not surprise me. Lavenza, Pego and their group have a penchant for obsessively stalking the blogs of those that they do not like.

So when this happened, I went in guns blazing, initially unaware that I was dealing with a minor. As usual, I found out through a mutual who had access to both of our blogs that my BRAND NEW URL had been namedropped by the exact same people on what was literally my first day or two back on the damn blog. It was almost as if they saw me rebrand and waited to strike.

My response, which can be found HERE, is nowhere near as nice as the one I wrote in November, and I vividly remember writing it around 9 AM during one of my online classes. As you can tell, I was livid.

Now is the time for me to add that I have INTENSE TRAUMA with callout culture. So much so that I practically BEG people to keep it away from me in my rules. It's kind of ridiculous, I'm aware and I can even be shown being TOLD that I need to get a grip by a friend further down, and I'm working on it. This will be explained later, in far greater detail. So naturally, I had a knee-jerk reaction. In fact, I was so ashamed by how poorly articulated my initial post was that I amended it to address Pego instead of Lavenza, and made a follow-up post, pictured below;

When Pego got online to see the posts, they did not hesitate to victimize themselves because I maintained the part of the post where I called them a 'penis wrinkle' and claimed that I doxed them by … sharing their tumblr URL, which is public information on the platform and ENTIRELY relevant to the situation. Pego literally had just done the same to me, with a nice, sneaky backslash so that I would hopefully not get pinged about what was being said behind my back. So they could dish it out, but just not take it. Apparently, I was wrong for even responding in the first place to defend myself, because they are a minor, with trauma, and minors with trauma cannot be wrong.

TW: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, CSA, PEDOPHILIA AND POTENTIALLY OTHER DODGY SHIT

I vented to my friend Red (@maskedetective again) about what was going on, as the entire situation took place for me between the hours of 9am-12pm. It was very short, but within those couple of hours I rode a trauma induced emotional gauntlet, in which I had a full-blown panic attack, laid in bed crying, contemplated relapsing, and then finally went to sleep to try and reset my body and bounce back from the overall unpleasant experience that could have entirely been avoided.

Red, despite being a friend of mine, is also an advocate for truth, and didn't hesitate to tell me to calm down on Discord and go on his own to try and have a rational conversation with Pego and try to learn why they did what they did and communicate with them why it was harmful and try to reach an agreement with them so that my involvement with them and their group could end.

Here are some caps from my private conversation with Red, showing EXACTLY how I was feeling, panicking and spiraling in those moments. I didn't have to attach them, but I'm going to anyways because I have nothing to hide.

As you can see, I was effectively benched and told to cool it while Red tried to sort this nonsense out with Pego because he truly believed I was somewhat out of line. Here are caps of the whole conversation with Red, and of course, Pego did not listen. They're collapsed in an Imgur Album because it is a lot, and they can be found HERE.

As expected, Pego took to the dash to post out of context caps of the conversation they'd had with Red. Red actually responded.

Despite all that went down, I decided to REMAIN on tumblr and continue writing Joker, despite the SECOND awful experience this group of people put me through. I watched Lucky devolve from being this happy, kind, outgoing person to being eaten away at by Pego's words and the anon hate they received, and they were made so miserable by it all that they abandoned their account and made a new one. Here is the statement concerning their departure. To this day, I still don't know where she is. So I lost both a friend, and Persona 5's RPC lost an EXCELLENT writer and the franchise lost a new fan. All because of the actions and baseless accusations from someone who was TWELVE when the original P5 came out.

This is a repeated trend with Pego and their group. They block evade and stalk people they don't like, target them relentlessly with hate, anonymous asks and submissions, and attack them until they break and leave the fandom and no longer threaten them by… existing, I guess.

More proof of this can be found in an interaction I had literally a day after with Lavenza (yep, he's back!), after making a new Ann blog to try and expand my muses. Ann had been a blog for literal hours and since I'd just made her, I'd forgotten to transfer over my block list, much less turn off my inbox. It was, frankly, incredible how quickly Lavenza found me and found an opening to slip into just so that he could have the last word. Here is that foolishness.

I was entirely rational within that conversation and willing to hear them out, have an actual discussion and try to put an end to all of the nonsense, because I was stunned. Lavenza and his group's devotion to me and people they deem 'problematic' is godlike and borders on pure obsession. Especially since, as I said, I literally had them all blocked EVERYWHERE else and they found me that fast. I was fooled, it wasn't for an actual discussion. It was just to throw the cap (the same one from the FIRST picture in this document. from November) from the rules on my crimsongloved blog from last year in my face as though they were still relevant, and combine them with caps from my newest doc (found here and unedited since conception if you want to see for yourself) to make them fit a narrative that they've formed for me alongside Pego and their friends that doesn't even exist.

To recap this second encounter, while my initial response could have been handled better (I even said as much myself as shown prior), I believe Red was entirely within his rights to say what he did, because people do NOT seem to understand that your trauma is NOT a shield from facing consequences for your actions… just like being black isn't a shield from facing criticisms for your opinions on black issues.

Which leads us to June 3rd, almost exactly a month later, and at the time of writing this callout, two days ago. Fresh on my mind.

MY MOST RECENT AND FINAL ENCOUNTER WITH PEGO AND THEIR GROUP: THE HAMILTON, ACAB AND BLM CONTROVERSY.

tw: mentions of suicide, self-harm and other dodgy stuff

DISCLAIMER: Before you start, NO, I am NOT saying that anyone is responsible for my mental health/what I chose to do to myself, or trying to guilt-trip anyone. This is what happened. This is my experience. I need MY VOICE to be heard.

Time to talk about me. Usually I don't. I hate it. But this context is CRUCIAL to understand why what happened on June 3rd of 2020 was so messed.

A story of no second chances and denial of growth past something I did when I was a teenager that I never meant to affect people the way that it did.

My hatred of callout culture and everything associated with it began when I was seventeen years old. And I'm tired of having to retell this over and over and it getting buried constantly because nobody wants to hear it because I am infamously immortalized in internet history, but here I go again.

At the time I was a senior in high school. I was struggling with a lot of things, including but not limited to my sexuality and gender. I was a confused, lonely child with no friends and no hobbies outside of school aside from drawing, playing video games, and watching YouTube.

I'd recently gotten out of an institution, and I was on the road to recovery. I discovered the musical Hamilton through some friends, and I was hooked. I'd never really been into anything on broadway before, or musical soundtracks-- anything like that. But Hamilton stuck with me, and touched me, because not only was it a beautiful retelling of American history… as a black person, it stunned me to see people who looked like ME onstage, portraying people from and reclaiming a part of the country's history that is often glossed over and not mentioned. 

It was quite easy to start drawing fanart for the musical. I did it all-- I made animatics, comics, and eventually, I made that infamous ask blog on tumblr where I AUed all the characters from the musical (the CHARACTERS, not their historical counterparts, there is a difference and I don't know why people don't grasp that) into a college setting. I remember when I first made the blog.

That fall, Hurricane Irma had made landfall on the coast of Georgia where I live, so some family and I evacuated further inland to Atlanta. Despite being further from the eye of the storm, evacuees to Atlanta did not manage to escape the effects of the storm, and many lost power regardless, along with residents. I had my laptop and Wacom tablet with me, and managed to occasionally charge it while downstairs in the lobby of my cousin's condo, where they had a generator supplying power to just the first floor so that operations could continue.

I must have sat glued to that chair for hours. I began doodling artwork for the brand new blog. An icon. And then I got to cracking on those character sheets.

Oh, those INFAMOUS, awful, HORRIBLE character sheets. Whenever I see them it takes me back to that time in my life and I'm that scared teenager again. Unfortunately, the Internet does Not Forget. Nor does it forgive, apparently. Or think that my trauma or the VERY real pain I felt and faced (mentally AND physically) is valid.

Anyway, long story short, I drew those sheets. For Alexander Hamilton. John Laurens. And then Thomas Jefferson. The last one became the most well-known. (if you have literally no idea what I'm talking about, just google 'thomas jefferson miku binder', or 'weeaboo drug-dealer thomas jefferson'-- you will get plenty of hits lol. There's apparently a whole fanlore wiki page. Most of you are probably already choking if you didn't already know that this was where this was heading. I'm sorry.)

The backlash was hard, and it was FAST. My socials-- tumblr, Instagram, Twitter-- all inundated with HATE from all corners of the internet. It was kind of beautiful, actually. People off of lolcow, 4chan, reddit, tumblr, twitter… parts of the internet that usually don't see eye to eye, banding together as one to unify their voices and scream, "HEY! WE FUCKING HATE THIS!"

When approached in the right context, and by people who are willing to listen to how negatively this affected me, I can… actually laugh about it.

But teenager Jay did not think that it was funny.

I'm quite experienced with being the cancel culture test-dummy NOW. But three years ago, I was not.

The hate was so much. I was being threatened, the school I was attending to was being sent out, my own classmates and peers were denouncing me and dunking on me.

I was being told to kill myself, called slurs, names-- everything awful that you can imagine happening to me, happened.

I was being told that I deserved every last bit of it-- that I DESERVED to not exist, that I deserved to die.

That the playground bullies didn't try hard enough. I never forgot what that comment on Reddit said to me. That's exactly what it said. I remember.

So I figured I'd fix that and do everyone a favor.

I dealt with all the hate while away from home, then as soon as I got back home, I relapsed and I relapsed hard. I harmed myself worse than I'd ever done before. There was so much blood. And then I took about five painkillers-- I was a bit scared, I wasn't sure if it would work-- and maybe, deep down, I was scared to die and didn't WANT it to work. So I went to sleep, fully expecting to not wake up the next day, thinking that my suffering would finally end.

Well, I woke up. And aside from feeling pretty sick and like my stomach was slightly on fire, I was fine. I was alive. It's also worth mentioning at this point that I was almost 300 lbs, so maybe I didn't take enough to SEVERELY negatively affect someone of my BMI.

Needless to say, I didn't want to go back to drawing Hamilton after that shit. The trauma was too great, I was still having panic attacks and suicidal urges and harming myself pretty much daily, as soon as the old wounds would begin to heal. I turned to GameGrumps; the YouTubers I'd been watching since I was literally twelve years old, and I started primarily doing YouTuber fanart. I tried to grow from what I went through, understand why what happened happened, and try to move past it.

But that's the thing.

Three years later, and I am STILL NOT being allowed to move past it.

I'm sure a lot of you know that the internet likes to cycle back on its old loves. Whenever the well of things to talk about and people to cancel dries up, we turn back to the things from the past. And my artwork of Trans Thomas Jefferson in a Miku Binder is a popular candidate for discussion! And naturally, whenever the drawings return to circulation, my name and art tag is thrown in as well. Even though I've made statement after statement, deleted accounts, left messages and posts telling people to leave me alone, talking about how it affected me negatively and how I just want it all to stop (check out the instagram kingdededeleted) because I almost DIED, all I get is a general consensus of "I don't care lol" and it doesn't ever end. On TOP of that, people who I used to call FRIENDS as a minor, who I TRUSTED, have also come forward with 'evidence' to further damn me. Of things I did, wrote or said as a literal child, and have since matured past. So that is also very amazing and awesome and not at all weird or out of line.

To be on the internet and post things, you generally need a thick skin, and I get that. I worked my ass off for YEARS to develop one. It's a lot harder when you're mentally ill and you have such low self esteem. And you also need to know how to fully utilize the tools available to you. I block and blacklist and mute words and phrases on every platform I'm on. So for a long time, even when the drawings would resurface and I was @ed and namedropped by people looking for quick clout and a reaction, I did not see it. Of course I knew it was going on, and of course I knew it was there. And occasionally, some smartass claiming to be my friend will DM me like 'hey isn't this you lol!!!' knowing fully well it's me, and I spiral again, but outwardly I calmly explain that I don't like talking about it and that I want them to delete it. They apologize, and I continue my life with the fanbase I'd built, ignoring the existence of the art I'd created as a disillusioned teenager. I'd already made post after post owning it, explaining things, and begging to be allowed to move past it.

The court of public opinion takes no holidays.

My Twitter has now been deleted, because my old alias needed to die anyway. Even though I usually didn't see much of it, I could see my follow count fluctuate every now and then and know why that was. Because I am a flop. It's not even the drawings anymore, but my entire existence. It's not because people are interested in what I am creating now, seeing that I have changed. No, I'm being laughed at. And around a month ago, Miku Binder Tjeffs made his rounds again. And I resolved within myself that I was going to delete my Twitter and completely leave social media. It was just a bit hard to let go, because I'd worked my ass off for YEARS to build up my online identity, to get the support my art had, to build my portfolio and connections. And to restart would mean throwing that all away. But I knew deep down it was something I'd HAVE to do sooner rather than later if I wanted to maintain my mental health, and… well, not die. Because everytime it's thrown in my face, I'm taken RIGHT BACK to three years ago.

Well, two days ago, I had it thrown on my face. Here. On tumblr, in the Persona 5 Roleplaying Community. Why?

Because Pego (now nested comfortably over @histopia) and their gang saw a chance to do what they've failed to do entirely since November of last year, now.

Completely alienate me from the RPC and stomp me off of tumblr completely.

This chance came in the form of me speaking out about BLM and ACAB on Twitter, and my opinions on it as a black person. I won't get too much into that, because this has already gone on so long already, but I will say that I had some pretty misguided opinions on the ACAB movement because of how a lot of people online have misconstrued the meaning. My only exposure to it had been on trending Twitter threads and posts, in which I saw protestors encouraging the destruction of local businesses, even black-owned ones. And it was easy to get confused, because I'm from down south. Most of our cops are black.

After being politely educated on the matter in the comments of my tweet and having genuine polite conversations (and pointing out someone who didn't read my post was WHITE and further proved my point by NOT fucking reading it by sharing a picture of their face that was PUBLIC INFORMATION on their profile that they shared PUBLICLY…), I logged off because I was already getting the obligatory comments by people chasing clout who weren't exactly interested in having any semblance of a discussion and just wanted to poke their head in and yell 'bootlicker' for their hundred or so likes. I did more research and further informed myself on the topic. I deleted Twitter off of my phone and logged all my devices off, and had no intention of probably going back at all. I knew it would get bad. But not as bad as it did.

Before I knew it, I had friends and mutuals messaging me, texting me, from irl and online both, asking if I was okay, if I was okay. And then, the next day, I received this cryptic ask. Immediately, I knew.

What I hadn't known but WISH I'd known is that Pego and their lackeys likely were laying in wait on my Twitter in the shadows, waiting for something they could use against me. And they got it in the form of my takes on BLM/ACAB. They made their move. Immediately. Hard and FAST.

Yeah, it's real funny! Right? Let's bring the harassment off of Twitter to tumblr and completely BREAK this person, for teh lolz, for the clout!!!! You betcha Lavenza, we go WAY back. Back to November of last year, in fact! I remember, you're welcome.

I was inundated with anon hate, and had to shut down my entire account's submission, ask and IM system for my own safety. How FUNNY!!!!!!

Yes, hello Pego. It's me.

The asks kind of make me laugh now, because they're all so obviously the same three or four people (Pego and a couple others, and they've PROVEN they are not above anon hate in the past with Lucky). It's not even worth including the anon hate I was sent in its entirety. It's all so petty and stupid.

But at the time, I was in full-blown panic mode, and wasn't thinking rationally. I was at a point where I was seriously talking about committing myself to an institution-- the only thing that stopped me was my prior experience being in an AWFUL place with staff that didn't care and made me feel worse, and being unsure if my insurance would cover it.

Red came forward in my defense and got his fair share of hate, too.

He compared the actions of OP (encoffiner), Pego and their posse to those of Kamoshida. For those of you who are familiar with Persona 5, you know that Kamoshida leaked Protag's criminal record to damn his chances of having a good reputation at any point during his new high school career. Which is literally what encoffiner, Pego and their group did by stalking my Twitter without my knowledge and waiting to do this so that they could eliminate me once and for all.

Well, they REALLY didn't like that. Not ONCE did Red mention Kamoshida being a sexual predator (he obviously is), because that was not the point, but he still received this VERY eloquently worded DM from OP shortly after posting his defense of me, and as per usual with this group, they say their piece and then hide behind a block, because what is an honest discussion? No, we just want to talk AT you. No listen! Only talk.

Seems familiar, huh? To this day, I still don't know what their actual name is, and to be frank, I don't care. It killed you that I had even ONE ally, a friend I knew LONG before I even CAME to this hellsite, that you failed to alienate me even FURTHER from the rpc than you already had, so you resorted to blind HATE toward people you don't even fucking know. Amazing!

Shortly after, I guess someone went WHOOPS! because Red got another DM from someone in the group trying to clarify things while also giving the greatest nonpology ever seen. They must have taken some notes off of YouTube videos. The caps of the convo that Red had with @chakrabit can be found HERE.

Well, that didn't last long. Honestly? Getting all the truth out has been cathartic for me. I've kept quiet for so long. So here's the attention y'all wanted! I hope it's everything you needed and more. :)

After being told by Red to man up and come off anon, Pego did just that, revealing what we knew all along.

Yes, Pego. You're so BRAVE, sacrificing your sweet comfort to justify this. A hero among men… we salute you. Braver than any US Marine, look at you go.

You're right about one thing, though. This most certainly is serious.

Nothing Red said was unreasonable. Nothing he asked for was too much. Yet you could not, WOULD not let go, even after you realized it was too late.

The hate from my statements were already spreading around the internet, and I did not need it here as well, where none of it even matters. You could have easily kept all of this on Twitter, but you did not. Again, this was ALL for clout and to take down someone you don't like. Don't try and pretend like it isn't. This evidence of your group's maltreatment of me goes back all the way to over HALF a fucking year ago.

And speaking of comfort…

In my blog's rules, I EXPLICITLY tell minors and people like you to pretty much STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. It's practically ALWAYS been that way. But you people won't even grant me that. You follow my EVERY move online with your elitist friends, And then you play victim when you get caught with your foot in your mouth. It's worth reiterating that I have not written with you or even SPOKEN to a SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MISERABLE LITTLE CLIQUE a day in my goddamn LIFE outside of this discourse that YOU started. 

What about MY comfort? MY peace of mind? You and your friends SNATCHED away my safe space because of ENTIRELY unrelated things with NO connection to one another, JUST because you and your group decided that you DIDN'T LIKE ME AND YOU DISAGREE WITH A TWEET THAT ISN'T EVEN RELEVANT ANYMORE!!!

You would KNOW I'd logged off of Twitter and didn't see your 'long response' if you'd 'do research…' in your OWN words, and read my Twitter. You just didn't care. You saw an opportunity to further attack my character and integrity as a person, contacted your friends, and y'all TOOK it.

(posted on @histopia, asked by @pinkorb / @kirmthekirm on Twitter, who is apparently blasting me)

I don't need to address the sexualizing minors crap again, because this entire document has disarmed that wholeass argument. Any other sexualization of minors that DID happen occurred when I WAS a minor in rpcs. As a minor, I was way into Homestuck and various anime and comics and shows, such as Doctor Who, Supernatural, and video game franchises. I mused minors AND adults as a minor, and I wrote smut with other minors. I own that and confess that, and if you can believe it, that's not that outlandish. I was not a sex repulsed teenager when it came to fiction. I am NOT sex repulsed now, either, but I DO NOT write smut with my muses who are minors. 

And I will be the first to admit I wrote some FUCKED up shit as a minor. And that I was probably an INSUFFERABLE person to be around. Again, I didn't know any better. I own it 100%. I like to think that I am now a better person than I was when I was 16.

Addressing the REAL LIFE PEOPLE!!! stuff. Okay, let's chat!

I used to roleplay YouTubers and musicians along with the same ex-friends off of DeviantArt who did the EXACT same thing and are coming forward, throwing stones in houses made of glass. Real people roleplaying was quite popular on the DeviantArt community, and contrary to popular belief, it was NOT just me. And like any cringey teenager in the mid 2010s, I was OBSESSED with Markiplier. Gerard Way and MCR, too. I did the roleplaying, the fanart-- EVERYTHING. Of course it was Not Cute, lol. This went on between the ages of 14-18, when I was a minor and did not know any better. I ditched as I stopped being comfortable with it, around late 2017, EXACTLY when the Hamilton drama started up. I have grown past that. It has nothing to do with anything.

But let's dig it up anyway, sure! I follow!

I also drew Egobang as a comfort ship up until like … over a YEAR ago, now, with which the Grumps have LITERALLY said they are FINE with, and I was mutuals with Arin on Twitter before deleting, AND have met Dan irl alongside doing extensive charity work for them both within the past year and a half. It is not your place to judge that or use it as evidence for your smear campaign, and I've ALSO outgrown that and matured past that too, as in I don't DO it anymore, thanks!

( posted on @histopia )

I will reiterate; never did I ONCE defend cops. I even said in the wholeass Twitter thread (that you didn't read) that defending cops was not my intent. And quickly I was educated on ACAB. As usual, Pego utilizes selective blindness to see only what they want to see.

In fact, I can rewrite that using your EXACT same argument against me against YOU and you hiding behind the fact you were abused as justification that you CANNOT be wrong. No, it is NOT me comparing race issues to abuse issues. I just want you to perhaps GRASP why what you're doing and saying is HYPOCRITICAL and wrong.

' ppl rlly think being an abuse victim means what you're saying abt ANY issue is automatically correct or if you're corrected or asked for proof to support your accusations that you're being silenced. news flash from someone who is an abuse victim, not only CAN you be incorrect abt issues pertaining to abuse, but when you ARE and are FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS it is twice if not thousands of times more harmful than if a non-abuse victim is misinformed or fabricating things because you're sending out dog whistles and giving apologists ammo to justify their shit because " look! even an abuse victim can make up shit, so why can't we! " read up and fucking educate yourself because you're spitting on the graves of abuse victims who never got to speak up about their abuse and did not fucking make it. '

Before this is misconstrued, yes. I too am an abuse victim. It just never came up literally anywhere because it did not fucking pertain to anything that was being said. I reiterated being black so that the WHITE people on my Twitter didn't POLICE me. Not to say I was right, but to say I was entitled to my opinion without being policed.

I don't CARE that you're black. I don't CARE that you are a minor. Nothing you can say will EXCUSE your actions and behavior. The same goes to your adult friends.  I don't CARE what ANY of your group's justifications are for the abhorrent, HATEFUL, manipulative behavior that has been displayed by you all in this RPC. Just like being black didn't excuse my 'shitty takes' in your eyes. You PUSH and you PUSH and you PUSH to further victimize yourself. It's almost like YOU DON'T GET RESPECT IF YOU DON'T GIVE ANY!

Your actions are those of a VILE, DISGUSTING human being. You went from HATING Lavenza's group and talking shit about them behind their backs TWO MONTHS before JOINING it and becoming one of the literal worst members of the clique. Yeah, I knew about that too! Did they?

Regardless, before you try to alienate me from MY friends and writing partners, analyze your OWN friendships and how much of a manipulative snake you are. You still call Lavenza and crew whenever you get in over your head with shit that YOU started!! Bet. You all look the same, talk the same, act the same, and treat people you don't agree with like DOGSHIT underfoot, all the same.

And after this? Whether you change or not is up to you. I won't follow you everywhere you go and track down your other socials. I won't hack or do anything like that. All I know is that I want you AND your friends to stay the fuck away from me.

My stance on ACAB (which has since been updated, as aforementioned) was brought into a COMPLETELY UNRELATED space where it did NOT matter, had JACKSHIT to do with ANYTHING, and was mixed with my Hamilton artwork from THREE YEARS AGO that I drew as a teenager out of SPITE. I was namedropped and harassed to the point I was considering HOW I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF THAT NIGHT, and none of them cared. encoffiner even said, in response to Red's reply to their post 'i'm not reading all that lmao'.

If you don't agree with me or my stances, just BLOCK me. I don't know how many ways the exact SAME thing can be resaid. Over and over and OVER again to people who REFUSE.

Even when told after sending in a cave canary to do damage control with Red because OP had already blocked him, they STILL refused to even say as much as a 'sorry' or 'my bad' or 'okay maybe that was out of line'. Instead, they went 'b-bUHHH that's GUILT TRIPPING!!!!!!111!' when it's not. It is the blunt truth.

People are literally TERRIFIED to write things that they want now because of this awful group POLICING people on dash and their manner of spreading lies and manipulation. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.

One more thing, since Pego ALSO likes to throw around the word 'dox' but does not seem to know what it means.

Pego claimed that I doxed someone on Twitter by sharing a picture OFF OF THEIR TWITTER PROFILE, AND by namedropping their URL after they namedropped me.

Allow me to educate you. I don't mind taking the time! You REALLY need to grasp the difference before you embarrass yourself.

Doxing IS NOT;

• sharing information that is ALREADY on the internet (posted photographs of any sort, TUMBLR URLS)
• disagreeing with someone's opinion
• calling someone out and providing EVIDENCE that they have shared online
• sharing conversations because we are accountable for our own words, and I know you may try and use that one so don't. I am telling you RIGHT NOW.

Doxing IS:

• leaking photos of someone that they did NOT post online
• leaking someone's personal information, such as real name, contact info, etc
• leaking someone's ADDRESS or where they attend school before they are public with it
• publishing harmful information that was NOT ONLINE and was never INTENDED TO BE ONLINE that may affect a user OFFLINE longterm

Pego, Lavenza and their friend group (@nonjust, @encoffiner, etc) are MASTER liars and manipulators who omit information and warp the words of others to fit whatever bullshit narrative or cancellation of the day they're trying to push at any given time, have seemingly a good chunk of the active RPC cowering in the palm of their hands because they KNOW what they're capable of and how awful they can be, and are no better than people who pick on those weaker than them in high school, despite believing they are always right and always just with their actions.

You, to be frank, are entitled ELITISTS who lack concern and care for the feelings and mental health of anyone who isn't them or in their group. You have been corrupted by cancel culture, became the VERY thing you claim to hate and rebel against, and throw buzzwords around without even knowing what they mean. You are unstable, spiteful, HATEFUL people who love to harass, stalk, insult, bully and ruin lives, who have no place on this site in any capacity, and probably should instead be seeking some serious therapy and help forming actual coping mechanisms for the things that make you uncomfortable if you are not already.

Attacking the things and people that make you uncomfortable is NOT the move. You BLOCK and you move on, that's what a normal fucking person would do. NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN.

For the THIRD time, before ANY of you even start, NO, this isn't a guilt-trip over me being suicidal. I don't know HOW many times this has to be restated, but I'm doing it anyways BEFORE you get it twisted. If you still manage to gather that from me sharing my experiences, that is on you. You are not responsible for my mental illness, but you DO play a role and are held fully accountable for what you've chosen to do in this situation these past few days and with the information you found by literally STALKING my entire online history. This shit is VERY triggering to me and almost COST ME MY LIFE, and you all viewed it as a joke, and it is too late to take that back. Because you've done it before. And you will do it again. And again. To more people. You have NOT learned.

Not only is this a recap of my experiences, but a WARNING. I know you're like, extremely illiterate, and never read ANYTHING, but I suggest you read this one;

Pego, Lavenza and co, if you do not leave me, my blogs, and my internet presence as a WHOLE alone, I will take legal action and file a restraining order. 

I came to tumblr to escape my shitty life outside of the site and the stigma tied to my name that people will NOT let go. And you brought that HERE, and took away any peace of mind I had, because you are SPITEFUL PEOPLE ON A SMEAR CAMPAIGN AND IT KILLS YOU THAT YOU CANNOT GET RID OF ME. I KEEP COMING BACK. HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT MAYBE THERE IS A REASON?

I'VE ALREADY BLOCKED YOU ALL. Pego and Lavenza… You've BEEN blocked for AGES. Stop visiting my page and stalking everything my friends and I do, even OUTSIDE of tumblr. Persona 5 is NOT YOUR franchise to police. You do NOT get to say who can and cannot do what. You do NOT own the series, nor the characters. You do NOT get to tell other people who they can and cannot interact with. Despite your heavy projection and alteration of the fanart of others WITHOUT the artist's permission to make Joker, an Asian teenager, look MORE like YOU, you are NOT Joker.

Make a goddamn OC and LEAVE ROLEPLAYERS ALONE.

STOP GRASPING AT GODDAMN STRAWS AND LEAVE ME ALONE. LEARN AND ACCEPT THAT YOUR BEHAVIOR IS HARMFUL AND THAT YOU ARE HURTING PEOPLE.

And you do NOT get to tell other people how they should THINK and FEEL! If you TRULY played/beat P5 or its sequel, you SURE as hell missed the ENTIRE message of the fucking game. And it's ironic. But mostly, very, VERY sad.

I am not asking you anymore.

I am telling you.

Thank you for reading. I hope this sheds some light on the whole situation for all of you who are confused. And hopefully, my words and experiences inspire you to not let Pego nor any of their friends or PEOPLE LIKE THEM manipulate you or hurt anyone else ever again. If you believe them, that's on you, but PLEASE scrap up whatever pity you have left in your heart to just block me, and leave me alone.