Should you date Katja Grace?

This is long and not as edited as you might hope, but you don’t need to read it! Read as much as is helpfully evocative, then if interested skip to the end.

Basic dating facts

• Female, bi
• 38, relatively unfussed re age of partner
• Want kids iff it is the impartial best thing to do. Hoping that it is. Enough eggs frozen to have ~5 children (or 90% chance of 3-10 children) after the end of normal fertility.
• Bay Area, willing to travel, open to long-distance things
• Currently polyamorous but open to monogamy. Seeking primary partner, open to other things.

Traits I like in partners

Open to many kinds of people, but these things are important:

• Honesty
• Interest in making the world better
• Potential for close and collaborative relationship (e.g. willingness to talk about problems, eventually be open about feelings, treat one another as equals, do a lot of things together)
• Good judgment

Note: a friend says this doc might seem intimidating. Please don’t count yourself out prematurely! If you think you might like dating me, get in touch—I expect to like hearing from you, even if our chances are low.

Notes on what I’m like

• Smart, kind, blunt, sweet, ambitious
• Loyal to the good
• Unusually into explicit discussion, laying out arguments carefully, being able to explain oneself, prediction markets, spreadsheets, etc.
• Also unusually into the inexpressible, the true way being the way that cannot be spoken, raw experiential reality, poetry, etc.
• Deeply serious and surfacely lighthearted. Queering the serious-ridiculous binary.
• Not into personal identity: I think your experiences are not metaphysically different from mine. This makes a difference to me and I try to act in accordance.
• The lifestyle which most evokes the phrase ‘living the dream’ involves going on trains, staying in hotels, lounging in cafes, chatting, writing insightful and poetic things in notebooks and then on blogs. Stopping in churches. Reading books carefully and writing lots of notes in the margins. (But I like a lot of things.)
• Approximately into utilitarianism, but it has the wrong vibe.
• Blogger and blogging enthusiast. Some posts: Mine-craft (deconstruction of the ego in a procedurally generated sandbox game), Claudius Emanuel G-S (the time I rented a robot baby), Home: up and down, colder and warmer (warmth, coldness, sincerity of historic advertising, why negativity is deep), England: Attunement and borders (taking in the world, companionship, and a visa), Let’s think about slowing down AI (on limiting artificial intelligence development to save the human race; quoted in the NYT and Vox), Self-fulfilling values of time (if you think your time is worth nothing, you might become right), Moloch in whom I sit alone (failures of collective action in being together).
• Committed to spending most energies on forwarding the good. Not sure what that means in theory, but doesn’t seem high priority to figure out right now. In practice, current allocation favors avoiding existential risk from AI, and (various poorly-figured-out epicycles later) a decent amount of being nice to myself, e.g. copious bubble tea.
• Pro sincere enthusiasms. I listen to hymns a lot (here’s my favorite). I like patriotic anthems, and poems about going to war. I don’t like irony or use of the word ‘cringe’.
• Haver of spicy takes
• Tend toward thinking from first principles, and away from deferring as much as many think one should.
• Truth-oriented, honest, open.
• More into gossiping and low-mental-exertion conversation than you may think at this point in a relatively philosophical dating doc
• Won the (inaugural? only? unofficial..) EA pickup line contest.^[1]
• Co-founder and current lead researcher at AI Impacts
• Lead author on purportedly the 16th most discussed paper in the world in 2017.
• Not political, interested in policies
• Find it hot when people make arguments for one side of a debate then casually make arguments on the other side as well.
• Excited to the point of frisson by institution design and neat mechanisms.
• High variance. Very happy sometimes. Very agentic sometimes. Very dysfunctional and inert sometimes. Very good at some things. Very bad at some things.
• Like understanding things at a mechanistic level.
• Often on the internet, especially: Twitter, Manifold Markets and YouTube
• Uncertain. But well calibrated regarding things other than own behavior:
  
• Fan of love. I’m not into loving less out of concern for looking lame. I think loving is cool, even if unrequited, or ridiculous, or in the face of a mountain of flaws. If I loved everyone, that would be great IMO.
• That captivating combination of arrogance and crippling self-doubt
• Considers basically all things to be improved by the addition of cuddling.
• Loves chatting about everything. If we watch a thing, I probably want to either pause to discuss throughout or debrief extensively afterwards.
• Into ‘spirituality’. Very unsure what’s up with that. Sometimes everything seems amazing in a spiritual way. (I’m an atheist.)
• Like making and doing things with partners. Ideal scenario involves being capable and agentic partners in (non-)crime.
• Mental health problems (anxiety, OCD, probable depression). I'm neurotic across topics ranging from obviously stupid so my partner has to keep being like, 'no, you are not dying of a pulmonary embolism right now', and 'yes, the people who liked you last week haven't suddenly started hating you for no reason', and things that are extremely hard to dismiss, such as that everyone is plausibly going to die.
• Probable ADHD: I’m bad at doing things I’m not interested in, which includes a lot of things that it would be strategic to do.
• Very averse to death.
• Co-founder of reciprocity.io, involved in early impact certificates effort effort. Has a crappy wiki about institution design. 
• Unusually bad at consuming information in all forms (except maybe songs by Lin Manuel Miranda) but having succeeded, unusually good at insightful analysis (“Extremely good poetry reader” - Friend)
• Tend toward trying to help strangers and animals. I find it very hard to walk past worms in need of assistance, co-pulled a guy out of a river one time, and maybe saved a guy I found unconscious in the gutter. This sits uncomfortably with my aggressive consequentialism and its love of those vague and abstract more impactful things.
• Tend to either do things in a twenty hour blaze of action or a dispirited three month slog.
• Into self-improvement. Into feedback.
• Strong aesthetic views about design of food packaging
• Low key theodicy hobby

Some things I might like to do with a partner

Suggestive examples, not super precise or necessary:

• Cuddle in bed and read a book aloud together, with much chatting
• Hang out with other people together, then chat about what to make of them afterwards alone in our underwear while we brush our teeth
• Save the world
• Go on writing retreats
• Ride electric bikes together while chatting
• Go to some obscure cafe or pub and order delicious drinks and chat in a lighthearted manner about institution design, intermingled with sitting companionably and writing in notebooks or on laptops
• Experience existential wonder at being in the world
• Have a child (probably followed by more children)
• Make glinting eye-contact across crowded conversations
• Be spiritually something or another together
• Snuggle next to each other while we read our own things, e.g. emails
• Do domestic things together and have a nice domestic time

More pictures

(Pictured: a substantial part of what is on offer here—this woman using her laptop in your bed)

How to proceed

If you think you maybe should date Katja Grace, and want to run that idea by her, write to katjasolveig@gmail.com. If you don’t hear back in two weeks, feel free to try again, or try other means. If you liked this but don’t want to date Katja, you may enjoy worldspiritsockpuppet.com.