Project Title: Blank Suit
Production Company: Plucky Culprit
Creative Team:
Producer – Christina Mellor
Director – Megan Hyland
Assistant Director – Jake Smeeton
Writer – Megan Hyland
AUDITION INFORMATION
PLEASE NOTE: Profit Share Opportunity with free video footage to use for showreels!
For this audition you are required to film your audition and send the self tape to us directly.
Please submit your audition tape to us via our email, Pluckyculprit@gmail.com by 11th January 2026 11:59pm.
Any issues please contact us by email.
Project Description:
On a slow Tuesday night in a dive bar, two women sit at a table playing cards. This is the first time they’ve met, but they’re competing for far more than aces and spades.
By the end of the week, one of them will have to kill the other. Both highly skilled assassins caught competing for the highest kill count in order to get the answers they have been searching years for, Dana and Nia will stop at nothing to win…or so they think.
Upon meeting, they find that they’re far more interested in each other than they are in the competition at hand. But can they both still get what they want without having to kill the other?
Developed as part of Northern Broadsides’ Theatre Company’s Young Writers’ Forge 2022, Blank Suit is a camp, surreal, female-focused dark comedy that is fundamentally queer and character-driven. With killer outfits, narcissistic radio hosts, and unexpected twists, it is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser filled with hilarious and can’t-look-away moments.
Content Warning: violent themes, sexually suggestive scenes, police brutality, racism, swearing, homophobic remarks, and weapons.
DANA
20s-30s, she/her, white
Dangerous, flirtatious, and outrageous. A highly-skilled assassin that will stop at nothing to get what she wants – and has fun whilst doing it.
Please note: there will be some physical intimacy between Dana and Nia required for this role.
DANA My last kill.
Beat.
I was wearing my best Versace Meduse Aevitas platform pumps – fuchsia, obviously.
Beat
I was driving to the bank – which wasn’t easy in those shoes, of course, but let’s just say that breaking wasn’t an option. I was sailing through red lights faster than an MP’s mistress to the newspapers – wind in my hair, Vivaldi on the radio – I was in the zone, you know?
Beat
I pull up at the bank – parked across the double yellows because that’s a law that doesn’t exist for the rich and I was about to make a rather large withdrawal anyway. It was still about the amount of kills – of course – but whose to say I couldn’t boost my bank balance in the process? Besides, I’d been watching this bank for months and they were into some dodgy dealings.
Beat.
I step out of the car, look down at my suit, and the damn thing is creased. So now I’m pissed, right? Because I spent the whole drive as far back in my seat as my grandparents during my coming out and – (looking down at her suit) fucking creases.
Beat.
So, I’m thrown off. I figure, these things happen – but I’m not in that zone anymore, you know? I take out my Valentino Garavani clutch, and I’m heading towards the bank. I reach into the clutch for my gun, and then I see her.
Beat.
This woman, walking towards the bank in the most beautiful, printed dress I’ve ever seen that just fits her perfectly. It’s long, and floral, and the sleeves are just the right length, and it comes in perfect at the waist and guess what?
Beat.
No fucking creases.
NIA
20s-30s, she/her, black
Strong and still with a sharp sarcasm. A stealthy and expert assassin who keeps to herself and likes it that way.
Please note: there will be some physical intimacy between Dana and Nia required for this role.
NIA I want to run away with you.
Beat.
I want to start a new life somewhere new with new names. I want to get a job working in a coffee shop, or a bowling alley, or – or driving a fucking bus, I don’t care. I want a new life that’s so boring it makes my brain pour out of my ears, but it feels safe.
Beat.
I want a shitty little apartment in a shitty little town where I can hear the screech of train tracks every night while I’m trying to sleep and I’ll fucking hate it but at least it would feel like home. I want a shit-load of plants that I can’t seem to keep alive, and maybe even a hamster called Ron who I’d hopefully keep alive better than the plants.
Beat.
I want to borrow each other’s clothes when we’re running late for things and get pissed off at you for stretching mine out with your fucking long legs.
Beat.
I want to drink cheap whisky in shitty bars where you’ll force me to get up and dance with you, and I’ll pretend to hate it, but it’ll be the happiest I’ve ever been because you make me feel like Simi. And I haven’t felt like Simi in such a long time.
Beat.
I want us to see if this can work out away from all of this.
Beat.
I want a life.
ENSEMBLE
20s-30s, she/her, black
WAITRESS (primary role) – Hilariously ignorant and ignorantly hilarious. A dissatisfied waitress that loves to gossip but crumbles when it catches up to her.
REMI – The older sibling that everyone is jealous of. Astoundingly brilliant and frustratingly ambitious.
WAITRESS Ugh, I hate her, she’s so gross! Don’t look at me like that, I’m not fucking homophobic or anything, I just don’t think she should be so obvious about it, you know? It’s disgusting.
Beat.
I just don’t like being around her. I mean, what if she, like, fancied me? I just don’t feel safe…
Beat.
I mean, be honest with me – do I actually give off, like, lesbo vibes or something?
Beat.
No, I’m being serious! I mean, she’s clearly a lesbo, right? The way she sits there playing with her hair and pouting her lips, wearing that t-shirt that hugs her curves suggestively, and the way she looks at me like she wants to…
WAITRESS gets carried away and seems to be enjoying the thought.
WAITRESS It’s disgusting! Not being a lesbian, obviously that’s fine! I’m an ally, you know that! I love Ellen, and I’ve been to Pride, like, at least twice. Maybe once accidentally. You know I think people should be able to do whatever they want, or whoever they want, but…I just wish she wasn’t so in my face about it, you know?
WAITRESS starts playing with her hair.
WAITRESS Do you think she does fancy me, though? Like, am I her type? I mean, I hope I’m not, but…do I give off lesbo vibes?
Beat.
Because if I do, you know, I really want to do something about that because I don’t want her to think that she, like, stands a chance with me because obviously she doesn’t.
Beat.
Why are you looking at me like that?