Non-Fatal Sodium Nitrite (SN / NaNO2) Attempts: Member Methods & Experiences
Last Updated: 2020.02.17
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THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR IMPROVEMENT SO LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE. PLEASE, INSTEAD OF SUICIDE, GIVE RECOVERY A CHANCE! YOU CAN REACH OUT TO THE NUMBERS BELOW:
CRISIS / SUICIDE SUPPORT SERVICES – CONTACT INFO | ||
Australia | LifeLine (24/7) | 13 11 14 |
Brazil | 141 | |
Canada | [Various, see website] | |
China | Landline: 800 810 1117 | |
France | Suicide écoute (24/7) | 01 45 39 40 00 |
Germany | Telefonseelsorge (24/7, Free) | 0800 111 0 111 (Protestant) |
India | AASRA (24/7) | 91 22 27546669 |
Ireland | Samaritans (Free) | 116 123 |
Italy | Servizio per la Prevenzione del Suicidio (0930–1630 Mon–Fri) | 112 |
New Zealand | Lifeline (24/7) | 09 5222 999 (Auckland) or 0800 543 354 (Outside Auckland) |
Poland | 89 19288 or 89 527 00 00 | |
Russia | Moscow Residents (24/7) | 051 (or 8495051) |
South Africa | Suicide Crisis Line (24/7) | 0800 456 789 or SMS 31393 |
Spain | Teléfono de la Esperanza (24/7) | 717 003 717 |
Sweden | Självmordslinjen (0600–2400) | 90101 (Phone) |
United Kingdom (UK) | Samaritans (24/7, Free) Shout (24/7, Text/SMS) | 116 123 |
United State (US) | National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24/7, Free) | 1 800 273 8255 or 988 (ESP): 1 888 628 9454 |
LIST CREDIT: Neville1 and everyone who alerts us of new attempts. Thank you. |
Respect for all members who took the time to share their experiences. |
DISCLAIMER: These accounts are purely anecdotal; they may be partially or wholly false. Do not expect your experience to match any of the accounts below. Some accounts elicit scepticism from other members that I haven’t included in this document; reading the whole thread (clicking on the Date link) is advised.
TOTAL: 26 attempts. 16 members reached unconsciousness. 9 members vomited. 11 members found too early. 6 members alerted or requested alerting emergency services. 💟 RECENTLY ADDED: VoloFataliDoce, MysticPerception, Calavera, bpdme / bpdandme, Johnrio. |
Name | Date/Time (UTC+08) | Method Details | Experiences |
I’d like to share a personal experience. I did not take any anti-emetics, I just drank the SN. (Though I did fast 24h) | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - mother called ambulance.] My lips turned blue very quickly and I fainted about 10 minutes later. Though my attempt ended in the intensive care unit of the hospital, I’d likely have died if the ambulance wasn’t called. So in my case, anti-emetics weren’t necessary. ———— Lifeisatrap said: "How long were you out for before you were found?" REPLY: "I was already found before that, as my lips had turned blue far sooner than I had anticipated. Stupid me, I know."
Codieb1 said: "Did you use an acid reducer like Tagamet? How much SN did you take? What did those ten minutes feel like?" REPLY: "I did not use an acid reducer, though I did fast for ~24h. I took about 10g of SN, didn't finish the glass as I was still drinking it bit by bit when I was found. Those 10 minutes I physically felt just a bit dizzy when I walked, other than that fine. Mentally though, my fathers crying destroyed me inside and thinking of it still makes me so sad."
thedutchguy said: "Were you found or called them you’re ?" REPLY: "I will was found, my mother called the ambulance." ———— Soul said: "What did they do to you on the way to and at the hospital?" REPLY: "From the very beginning I was supplied with oxygen and I was attached to a ton of IV’s. SN works very, very quickly so my oxygen % in my blood was dropping rapidly. The ambulance raced with sirens on, so we were at the hospital rather quickly. Once there, I was rushed into a room full of doctors and medical staff who continued to put shit into me. I don’t know what it was exactly - I was bound to an oxygen mask and it really was near chaos in that room. My arm has over 30 spots now where needles were stuck into. They then put me into a narcosis, after which they pumped me full of methylene blue, the antidote of SN. That’s all I know." ———— Oblivion said: "How were you found? what time did you do it? why were you found? Why did you drink bit by bit? does it taste bad???" REPLY: "I was found because family came home early and my lips had already turned blue after a minute and only a couple of grams. I drank it bit by bit because of the extremely salty taste."
I just got out of the ward, lol. They did want to put me in a ward, but currently there's no beds available except for a clinic that my psychiatrist does not want to send me to because I'd only get worse there. Today I'm going to get a call if I can go back to the first ward I stayed at for a couple of days, voluntarily.
ItIsTime said: "where did you buy SN? Im from Holland." REPLY: "eBay." ———— Oblivion said: "Why didn't you do it at night after they slept? how many grams did you use and in how much water? this is troubling, i thought it was not that salty" REPLY: "Well it seems easy looking back doesn't it? But reality is different - I had been at such a deep, low point for long enough that I just couldn't hold out one more second, literally. To answer your other question: I dissolved 20g in 150ML water." ———— Oblivion said: "150 ML and it remained very salty?? damn! could you chug it down in 3 large sips for example? any idea how to drink it all?" REPLY: "Well 20mg is a lot regardless. Look, I’m a gigantic loser. I’m a pussy. I’m sure you’re not as weak as me, so don’t worry about the salty taste." ———— thedutchguy said: "how are you recovering? Hopefully every symptom vanished?" REPLY: "Physically I’m fully recovered." ———— lofistos345 said: "What does SN taste like?" REPLY: "The saltiest thing you'll taste in your life. Really." ———— Mainlænder said: “What do you think about using capsules to mask the salty flavor and retard the effects? Could it be a good way to allow a benzodiazepine helping to fall sleep before the SN kicks on?” REPLY: “I don't think you have to go through the pain of getting benzos to pass out. I passed out about 10 minutes after drinking the SN, no benzos needed. I'm not sure if the method allows the use of capsules to mask the flavour, so I can't answer that question.” ———— heylightiforgot said: "Can you describe how passing out felt? Was it 'relaxing', like going to sleep? or did you just suddenly go unconscious?" REPLY: "Like going to sleep. No pain." ———— Mainlænder said: “A last question, don't want to bother you now you are recovering... If you were to try to catch the bus again... would you drink SN again or would you change your method? Sorry but your opinion is an important point for me.” REPLY: “I am unsure, sorry.” ———— khw777 said: "Did you call the ambulance!!!" REPLY: "I did not, I was found" | ||
i Take 17g from SN antiemetic (meto) 30min before like 10 benzos of quick action 45 min before tagamet for reduce stomach acid 8 hours fast | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - brother called ambulance.] i was ready to go and i wait to be alone in my house but this never happens so i did it when i was only with my brother i take the SN and i start to puke immediately after 2 pukes i was just out, all black, my brother call the ambulance and i wake up in intensive care unit with a tube helping me to breath. Now after 25 days i am fine but still in psychiatric, i can go out 3 hours every day ———— OfficerK said: "How much metoclopramide did you take? Were you on an antiemetic regimen prior to taking the main dose? How much water did you use? How long did it take before your brother found you? Do you think you would have been dead if he didn't find you?" REPLY: "- The recommend in pphe i dont remember. - Yes but just one day before. - i dont know. - i guess yes the good thing is that it was not painful" ———— OfficerK said: "How long did it take before you blacked out? How long is "2 pukes"?" REPLY: "like 10 secs i feel nothing bad but maybe benzos helped" ———— What you should take into consideration is that you only have the testimonials of those who failed. But since those who succeeded can't really comment, it gives you the impression that most fail.
Also, never neglect the fact that the person telling the story can't be 100% objective and can't be trusted. Take everything that is said with a grain of salt (me included). Many will hide what they did wrong on purpose, it is simply humane to not put one's self down.
But I appreciate to see that many people are not just taking this version as hard facts and asking the right questions. ———— Ashpac said: "How do you feel after these 25 days? Has it made you want to go into recovery or are you still focused on leaving this life?" REPLY: "i want to die" ———— i will try again before 2019 ends, i will try to keep you update. But it will be hards because i live with my father and cant get again it easy. next time i will try full antiemetic regimen instead of just 30 min before ———— MAIO said: "SN can be moderately painful." REPLY: "i KO in like 3-4 seconds 0 pain"
tlcmi said: "hope you’re doing better. what are he repercussions of taking sn?" REPLY: "in my case none since I was intervened quickly by the ambulance. they used something called blue "xxx" dont remember the name. I was also intubated for respiratory failure" ———— spanishguy22 said: "3-4 sec KO after intake is imposible. what do you mean?" REPLY: "i mean i was unconscious in 3-4 seconds. SPANISH: Como también soy español, te escribo así que me explicaré mejor. Básicamente en cuestión de 3-4 segundos, tuve tiempo a darme cuenta de que algo iba mal pq empecé a vomitar, entoces andé como 15 pasos hasta el pasillo y ya no recuerod nada más, sólo levantarme en la UCI con un tubo en los pulmones por insufciencia respiratoria. Luego pregunté que había pasado, y me hermano llamo a la ambulancia, tengo el hospital como a 4 min en coche por eso sigo vivo ———— spanishguy22 said: "Siento la experiencia. Quizás tengas amnesia episodica porque todas las decenas de casos que he visto de ingesta de SN la gente sigue consciente hasta los 10-15 minutos." REPLY: "Pues no lo había pensado, nunca he hablado del tema con mi hermano, pero vamos no recuerdo nada solo recuerdo esos 3-4 segundo de andar hasta el pasillo y al volver a casa había manchas negras en el colchón, del vomito. GOOGLE TRANSLATION: Well, I hadn't thought about it, I've never talked about it with my brother, but come on, I don't remember anything, I only remember those 3-4 seconds of walking to the corridor and when I returned home there were black spots on the mattress, of vomiting | ||
I took SN and overdosed in November. I did not take any anti emetics, only fasted for about 12 hours. ———— SpaceForGrace said: "I hope you don’t mind a question - just want to clarify, aside from the fasting, you just took pure SN and nothing else?" REPLY: "I only fasted then had the SN mixed with water with no anti-emetics or regimen. I think everyones reaction will be different, I was quite underweight at the time so think it affected me a lot." ———— martin8383784 said: "Did you not take benzos/sedatives? They surely would have calmed you down. What did you take exactly, just meto and SN?" REPLY: "Nope, not even meto. I didn't think I'd need to calm down because I was so adamant I was going to die and didn't think I'd care." ———— Terminally ill said: "Can Iask how come you only took 3 sips of SN and not take the whole drink as a shot? Only 3 sips means you had a minimal amount of SN in your system, that is why you had not vomited I believe." REPLY: "I think I was apprehensive and knew if I took the whole thing I was dead. I just kept hyping myself up to take more and remind myself why I was drinking it. Because of the taste I could only do it in mouthfuls rather than downing the whole thing. When it tastes that gross and you know you're going to die, it's scary to take the whole thing. I kept trying to push myself to take more. I got to three mouthfuls and started to feel bad, then panic set in and I shouted for help. The measurement I had out wasn't a shot size, I'd say it was about 5 shots. If I had a couple more sips I would have finished it all. | [NOTE: Semi-found - member called ambulance.] It's so scary wanting to take your own life, I have a massive fear of death and I was scared that I knew I could go through with it. I was scared because I knew I was going to do it.
SN tastes AWFUL to me, salty beyond sea water. I'm not fussy and can drink spirits straight with no issues but SN is gross!! I only had about 3 sips of the solution (following Stan's regimen). In about 10 minutes my heart rate was through the roof. I was already anxious about CTB and tried to not shout for help. I felt light headed, sick, nervous and went scarily pale. When the ambulance came it was blue lights, my heart rate was 190, I had to be put on 100% oxygen because my oxygen levels were very very low (I think 65%), I turned blue and my blood was dark brown when I saw them take my blood. A paramedic told me I was going to make it and if I wanted them to tell my mum. I was put in HDU, had to drink charcoal, stay on oxygen, be on a drip and take methanyl blue through an IV.
SN is very dangerous even in small doses. It is not painful, but very very scary. I did not feel like I was dying. I regret that I didn't go through with it, hence why I'm back. I feel like I'm meant to kill myself. I can't believe I was so close but asked for help. I hope I can go through with it for real soon. ———— brokerofsecrets said: "The only comparable experience I have is I dissolved hundreds of aspirin tablets in a large pint glass and chugged that, it instantly made me throw up because the taste was so rank. I can't imagine SN being much better." REPLY: "SN is definitely the worst thing I've ever drank but its also easily reversible in comparison to hanging if the regret kicks in like it did for me. It was comforting knowing if I chose not to go through with it I could easily contact an ambulance." ———— aloneintheworld said: "Were you the one who called for the ambulance after you took the SN? How are you doing now?" REPLY: "I planned it for when both of my parents were out, but I heard some noise from my brothers room, turns out he was off work that day and I just went it and told him I overdosed and he phoned the ambulance. The hospital had never heard of it, mental health crisis team turned up 48 hours later and when I went to the doctors I got dismissed as usual because I don't "look" depressed - my male doctor said to me "you're good looking and have a nice figure, what do you have to be depressed about? come back in six months if you're still feeling bad."
I need to CTB asap, but unsure on what method I would choose. I guess I know SN has an effect on me but also it wasn't a good experience and don't want to get saved again in my panic. ———— mpnf said: "You got all those symptoms but didn't feel any pain? Being sick? Sick in the stomach, maybe? What kind of "sick". And you didn't pass out not just for a moment only? You were all time awake or aware of everything?" REPLY: "I think panic overrode pain, my heart rate was so high I think adrenaline must of kicked in, I felt very very light headed and thought I was going to pass out. I was trying really hard to stay awake. I felt sick but it wasn't and insane urge to feel sick, I actually tried to make myself sick but couldn't do it. The sickness wasn't notable in comparison to the panic."
RoseyBird said: "Your heart rate was more likely your fear of the situation than the SN itself. I would expect Mild to Moderate tachycardia from anything that causes that much stress to the system, but it sounds like you had quite an adrenaline reaction going." REPLY: "I had it note that I had sinus tachycardia but it did not say at what level! I definitely agree my anxiety was the point of fear! They shouted cardiac in the ambulance and I got myself into a massive panic too. [I]t is kinda comforting to know it is reversible but also very tempting to in the state of panic and SI to reverse it." ———— Quarky00 said: "Your ctb sounds scary anxiety-ridden traumatic blowup :aw: I think because it was so scary visually and physically, and your heart was racing, you've had to call for help. I'd do the same. So I hope you feel okay about it. What happened in recent months, are you okay? :heart: Some here used a straw, would that solve taste? Others reported stinging throat, did not happen to you? Did you use anything to calm your nerves? Would that helped? Just wondering, you do not have to answer:)" REPLY: "I'm not sure about the straw personally, maybe if it was pushed further down the throat. I did not get any burning sensation. I didn't have anything to calm my nerves but I thought no matter how nervous I was that I wouldn't get help, but it was too much for me even though I had planned it for so long."
Yaalya said: "did u vomit? after what time did the ambulance arrive after taking SN?" REPLY: "I did not vomit - I even tried to induce vomiting! I felt more light headed and nervous than sick but I had much lower than the suggested dose so maybe that's why. SN just seemed to effect me even with a small dose. The ambulance arrived in 25 minutes I'd say, which they said was a close call and lucky they got there when they did. After the methanyl blue, I was stable completely." ———— Defenestrator said: "This is why antiemetics are recommended... I get the urge to puke when things taste gross too, most of us do. Wait so the follow up from your attempt was nothing? You've literally been left to it? You're in the UK, right?" REPLY: "Yep UK, no follow up. HDU for two days, mental health crisis team turned up 42 hours after I arrived in the hospital, got a doctors appointment told I didnt look ill enough and shouldn't be depressed because I was stereotypically attractive , thrown on anti depressants and not given the option for therapy." ———— peacefullpainless said:"Did you feel any discomfort or suffocating feelings? I mean i could take level 7 out of 10 pain in order to have freedom from pain forever that death will bring., but it's the 9/10 , 10/10 pain or suffocating as in drowning i haven't come to terms with yet and still fear" REPLY: "It's really hard to place the experience on one aspect because there was a lot going on at once, I'm not sure how to explain it. Panic 10/10, Physical pain 5.5/10, Nausea 8/10, Sickness 3/10, Uncomfortableness 7/10" ———— S1mpleme said: "Did you lose consciousness? How long you've been in hospital?" REPLY: "I did not lose consciousness but I felt very light-headed and felt as if I was going to pass out, but I was convinced if I passed out I would die so I was trying so hard to stay awake. I was in hospital for 2 days and one night then discharged after seeing a "crisis" team." ———— purplemoon said: "Do you have any lasting or residual side effects? Or do you feel / look basically the same way you were before you tried SN?" REPLY: "I think any suicide attempt has some effect on you mentally. But physically, I was stabilised around an hour after having the methanyl blue IV. I was BLUE like I was being called a smurf by the staff! But the next morning I looked exactly the same, felt very tired/drained and needed to go to the toilet a lot (being on a saline drip for 24 hours is a lot of liquid!). But there was no long lasting effects on my physically, it is very easily reversed if you are found in time and the doctors know how to treat it. The hospital staff were panicking as they had never heard of it before and they were running out of time. I was at a deadly stage after 30/40 minutes but I did not feel like I was dying. I don't feel any different and went back to "normal" in a couple of days!" | ||
2days ago I drank 20g of sodium nitrite mixed with water, the taste was so awful I drank 1,5l of water with it. I remembered that I have 50mg of quetiapine, took it and fell asleep. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness.] Sadly I woke up after an hour and vomited, but mostly water. Slept again hoping I won't wake up this morning... I did. The worst day of my life. Out of desperation took about 20g of sodium nitrAte, didn't vomit just slept all day, and woke up with severe head pain. Now It's the second morning and I feel fine physically, just a little dizzy. What do I do now? I feel so hopeless.. How much time before blackout do you have in partial suspension method? How painful is it? | ||
[Borrowing from NextSummer's Post]
Used: He guesses it was around 50g SN | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - member’s mother called ambulance.] [Borrowing from NextSummer's Post] I was at my parents' house with my girlfriend and I was impatient to do it, had gotten the stuff in the mail earlier that day. I figured since they are in a very rural area that help would be far enough away that I was unlikely to be saved. Forgot there was a local volunteer fire brigade. :/
I took the stuff, I didn't fast or take any acid inhibitor other than the baking soda. It was really salty, I think I may have put too much sn in the water. I drank as much as I could but wasn't able to finish the entire glass because of the saltiness and the sn itself making me drowsy. Got up to go outside, then walked a few steps before I started feeling very weak and collapsed. I don't know how long I was lying on the ground but it can't have been long. My girlfriend came out to check on me - I assume because she heard me collapse but it could've just been worry since I hadn't come to bed yet - and found me lying there.She asked me what happened and I told her that I took something, I don't think she realised it was serious at that point. She helped me into the spare bed and sat with me for a while, I started getting nauseous and was clearly pretty out of it she started freaking out about what to do - didn't want to call an ambulance since she'd seen how bad the psych ward was for me last time - saying she didn't want me to go etc. I hated seeing her like that so I made myself throw up a bit.
Anyway I passed out soon afterwards and I guess she thought I might be okay? Apparently a little later I started having seizures while unconscious, gf came in to check on me and saw this so she told my mother who called the ambulance.
There was no permanent damage as far as I know.
50g was too much just because it made it harder to get the stuff down having it be so concentrated, it tasted very salty like drinking seawater. As far as passing in and out of consciousness goes I guess I was too out of it to really worry much, I guess the euphoria from oxygen deprivation probably contributed there.
I was worried about brain damage but there's none that I know of. There was no cognitive testing done at the hospital that I remember though, so shrug. The doctor who treated me in the er didn't seem concerned about permanent damage when I asked him. I took some metoclopramide but the stuff I took was just the (lower dose) liquid kind for dogs so I don't know if it did much. I was nauseous before I threw up but I don't think enough that I would've thrown up involuntarily while conscious, maybe if I passed out. It was hours before I got the methyl blue, again rural area so quite far from the nearest hospital. I had oxygen via mask and later tube in the meantime, though. Ended up being seen at home by the home-based treatment team instead of going to the ward.
"Did the cyanosis hurt? Are the parts of your body that cyanosed numb or dead permanently?"
No, the cyanosis was not painful for me. I don't know if this is typical. From what I overheard it sounded like cyanosis from methemoglobinemia is possibly caused by a different mechanism than other sources of the symptom but I can't remember the details. My entire body was blue-grey. I haven't experienced any permanent numbness or necrosis or anything like that. Colour started slowly returning quite soon after they started me on the methyl blue, there was some lingering discolouration - I noticed it particularly in my feet - for a few days after I left the hospital.
Oh also the methyl blue IV caused me to throw up profusely almost immediately even though I wasn't nauseous at all before they gave it to me, and the vomit was blue. Doctors and nurses seemed to think it was pretty cool, strange it was able to travel from my bloodstream to digestive system so fast. Also it tasted horrible. It changes the colour of pretty much all your bodily fluids, I was peeing blue-green for upwards of a week
50g was too much just because it made it harder to get the stuff down having it be so concentrated, it tasted very salty like drinking seawater. As far as passing in and out of consciousness goes I guess I was too out of it to really worry much, I guess the euphoria from oxygen deprivation probably contributed there.
I was worried about brain damage but there's none that I know of. There was no cognitive testing done at the hospital that I remember though, so shrug. The doctor who treated me in the er didn't seem concerned about permanent damage when I asked him. I took some metoclopramide but the stuff I took was just the (lower dose) liquid kind for dogs so I don't know if it did much. I was nauseous before I threw up but I don't think enough that I would've thrown up involuntarily while conscious, maybe if I passed out. It was hours before I got the methyl blue, again rural area so quite far from the nearest hospital. I had oxygen via mask and later tube in the meantime, though. Ended up being seen at home by the home-based treatment team instead of going to the ward. | ||
Sup, survived an SN attempt last night. N is the gold standard and I have no idea why the fuck you would want to use ANYTHING else if you have it already. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness.] TimeToBiteTheDust said: "What happened? Could you make a thread with that experience?" REPLY: "TL:DR — zoning out on benzos after fasting, blacking out for 2 hours, waking up very sweaty, confusion/dizzy, turning blue around the lips and fingers, spewing up a lot of blood I don't remember, took more benzos did a line of coke and slept it off for a few hours. Woke up cold and shaking 6 hours later and seemed ok. I've died of a deliberate heroin OD before and bear in mind my body can take vastly more abuse than most. It was calculated correctly but my body somehow survived. ———— There isn't much more to tell. I just got up and walked it off and did a load of blow the next day. Took a trip to the doctor yesterday and and I'm flawlessly healthy. I'm terrible at dying ahaha ———— blue lips, blue hands, lot of blood thrown up, organs scrambled, SN you failed me. Kikoo Loool said: “Omg why? Didn't uoi follow the regimen?” REPLY: “Nope just have a very stubborn body, not the first fatal encounter I've somehow survived lmao” ———— I've died of a deliberate heroin OD before and bear in mind my body can take vastly more abuse than most. | ||
and | Attempt failed, was "institutionalized" for a bit afterwards. Requesting to undo ban. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness.] Attempt failed, was "institutionalized" for a bit afterwards. Requesting to undo ban. I took SN and other than the burning sensations (minor to me), I can't remember much after laying down. The burning is similar to acid reflux in the esophagus and stomach, slightly worse since it lingers. Like multiple people have stated it taste pretty bad, but if you've had hospital cocktails before it's a minor drawback.
I'd have like to hear if stomach coating meds like Sucralfate could work with SN, but Stan and Ginger are gone. Meto and SN are a bit rough on the stomach.
Compared to blowing my skull open, 100 runs of extreme hangman, parachuting w/e the parachute, drinking round-up, kissing moving transport vehicles, snorting excessive quantities of water, or a 9-5, SN was pretty peaceful. Only reason I survived was because someone called the cops after I was under, woke up handcuffed to the hospital bed. | |
Okay so, I'm writing this just for research and harm reduction's sake. I no longer want to die.
Booked an hotel. Fasted for too long, more than 8 hours for sure. Did a stat dose of 30mg of Metoclopramide one hour before, 22 minutes later took 225mg of Zantac and then took ~17g of SN. | [NOTE: Member called ambulance.] Tastes like car tires with salt. The taste remains in your mouth. Around five minutes after taking it I started feeling like puking. Salivated a lot and felt really bad. I finally puked three times. After 15 minutes without even feeling drowsy when I was supposed to be unconscious already and feeling really really bad, called emergencies.
They came 45 minutes after intake. Was conscious and felt really bad until I came to the hospital and they drugged me to sleep. They were googling what SN was and how to medicate me.
Woke up with tubes in every hole I have. They said they don't know how i am still alive and that I was so close to death, they wouldn't have bet a cent on me being alive. I'm still at the hospital with tons of free time, AMA ———— Walilamdzi said: "Hello, how are you feeling now? Thanks for telling us what happened. Are you going to be put in a psych hospital? What do you think went wrong with the antiemetic? Do you think the reason you didn't become unconscious was because of being sick? Does the fact that you were close to death mean it can still be regarded as a way to ctb?" REPLY: "I'm in a normal hospital, feeling good so far, let's see what happens when I leave, that's what scares me the most. I wasn't sick at all and I don't know what happened... Used real meto from the eBay Greek vendor and SN from APC" ———— Walilamdzi said: "did they know it was a suicide attempt or did you say accidental ingestion? I meant sick when you puked three times?" REPLY: “Yeah I told them that it was a suicide. Hard to hide it."
Xaphous said: "Thanks also for your story. Can you rate your pain/overall severity of suffering /10? I ordered sn but I know it will still take a lot for me to endure more suffering. REPLY: “I don't know. There are a lot of things in this world that would hurt more. Maybe 6/10" ———— deatheminimises suffering, nvoy said: "What exactly have you felt?" and hunter_lewis said: "What were your symptoms exactly after taking it? Nausea, headache, stomach pain?" REPLY: "It's hard to explain... First, a lot of anxiety, then I was kind of mildly dissociated, and felt really really bad, but it's a new feeling for me like I can't describe it, but yeah it was bad. Also, at one point, I was blind. It was the first time I experienced being blind. It lasted until I was in the hospital" Vegrau said: "Remember he didnt took any acid reducer." REPLY: "I took zantac" Raggas said: "Bottom line: don't call emergencies." REPLY: "Easier said than done... I tried to wait some minutes until I couldn't bear with it anymore and called"
Done182 said: "What caused the pain eg headache, stomach ache? Was the pain bad enough that you would yell? This is a concern of mine as it would alert people and they would rescue me. Any advice for not calling the emergency services? If you could answer those that would be really helpful, hope you're okay." REPLY: "I wouldn't yell but cry, but I've never yell in my life so… About not calling... There isn't much I can help you with"
NextSummer said: "What I don't understand, if you puke your SN partly out, why do you still expect everything will go according to the plan and you can fall unconscious after 15 minutes? You did the right thing by calling the ambulance, this wouldn't have killed you anyways and you don't need to torture yourself for nothing." REPLY: "Yeah, I still waited some minutes just in case, but that's why I called" ———— NextSummer said: "I don't think there is a lethal dose in the body if one pukes 3x around 5 minutes (and before 15min) after ingestion. My personal hypothesis is that they noticed that he wanted to live (he called the ambulance and openly says he doesn't want to die anymore) and that they tried to scare him. I can not imagine a doctor saying "Oh don't worry nothing serious happened" after a failed suicide attempt."" REPLY: "I mean, they told that to my parents and I don't know why would they scare them. Also my methemoglobin was really high, I recall they taking blood from me and it was dark chocolate color lol"
jayfox said: "Yes that makes sense, but as he says he has " tubes in every hole" hes probably in ICU. That goes with some other cases that puked and got still messed up bad. Botttom lime SN might not be as straight forward as we once thought but still very dangerous." REPLY: "yeah they carried me to ICU. Stayed only one thay there tho"
Kta1994 said: "How is he now?" REPLY: "Im fine, thanks for asking. I'm being watched out very close by my parents, so privacy is an issue for me right now, but I have to gain their trust back and that will be hard. It's understandable. Also I have to take benzos and that sucks, I hate them, I'm a zombie and withdrawals can be hell."
NoOneKnows said: "sorry to hear it didnt go the way you planned. What I dont uderstand is how you mention you didnt feel drowsy AT ALL ,even after all the time until they came. Thats very strange, is it possible it was weak quality SN?....17 grams is not a small amount, I think its better to play it safe, on the other hand I would like to know if the risk of vomiting isnt greater with large amounts like 20g for instance...I think it must be quite a sudden shock for the stomach to handle" REPLY: "I started feeling a bit drowsy once I was in the ambulance. It wasn't weak SN since it was APCpure's."
Vegrau said: Dont forget we are consciously ingesting poison. Even if our body dont act. Our mind will force us to puke it out. Survival instinct and everything. Not to mention without using acid reducer. It really affect the SN effectiveness." REPLY: "I took zantac"
spanishguy22 said: "So what Op didn't do correctly i think: -Not having a antiemetic regimen. -Not using antiacid correctly. -not redosing after puke (hard). -calling emergency (but he did the right thing after puking so much). Also I take away from this that fasting for more than 8h does little to nothing" REPLY: "how haven't i used antiacid correctly?"
spanishguy22 said: "We're you very nervous when taking the SN? Benzos help a lot to reduce vomit by calming you down but you didn't take em, still sucks you gvomited three times:( When you say you felt really bad you mean you were having headache and stomach aches? Did you have shortness of breath or could you breath normal? Shame because I'm considering this too :s" REPLY: "I wasn't nervous, in fact I was kinda happy and excited, until there was like 20 minutes left. Started feeling uneasy and I don't know if it was because the meto or the zantac, and my stomach was making some noises. I could breath just fine. Neither my head nor stomach hurt, iirc." ———— royM said: "would have been ctb without help?" REPLY: "Probably, but would've taken a lot of time. And I don't know what I would have done at the point of being blind without having called ER to be honest, good thing I called already"
JoeFailure said: "I’m more curious about what changed that you no longer want to die. That’s great, and I’m glad you’re still here now that you want to be." REPLY: "Well, I still low-key want to die, the desire won't go that easily. But I won't try. But having experienced this and the pain of my closest ones and family makes me rethink everything. Also, it seems like a second chance, let's see how life behaves now for me" ———— Dragon said: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to call bullshit on this one." REPLY: "Why for?" ———— Oblivion said: "I think this account is a fake pro lifer account trying to deter us from the SN method, why did he hide his profile?" REPLY: "I hided my profile because I don't want anyone from outside peeking through my posts since there are friends that know that I've been here. Honestly fuck off if you come here just to say that, I'm just telling my experience with SN and I have more posts here asking a lot of things about SN before doing it, changing my method of ctb from jumping in front of a train to SN thanks to an user on this thread too and me saying that I had a bad experience with SN won't change the fact that someone wants to die. If they want to do so they'll find a way, it doesn't matter if it's SN or jumping from Beachy Head. And it would be really stupid to make 180 posts on this forum just to end up being a prolife trying to lie to you." ———— lifeisbutadream said: "What repurcussions did you get from the hospital from telling them you tried to ctb? Didn't they want to put you in a psych facility for a while after you got better? Did they keep you under some sort of special security?" REPLY: "From the hospital not much, they only wanted one familiar to stay with me 24/7. I was already seeing a psychologist so they added a psychiatrist to that, nothing more." ———— Sha70 said: "What caused you to go blind? Do this indicate you were near death?" REPLY: "lack of oxygen i guess." ———— purplemoon said: "How long were you blind or severely vision impaired??" REPLY: "Thanks. I don't know, started noticing I couldn't see when I was in the hotel elevator, and could start mildly seeing again at the ICU" ———— purplemoon said: "Thank you, I appreciate your helpful input. So you don’t think you were blind for more than a couple of days at the most? Was it very painful in your eyes?" REPLY: "it wasn't painful for my eyes i think. And no, when I woke up I could see perfectly so no more than a day for sure." ———— Guizin239 said: "did you get blue?" REPLY: "I don't really remember. I think it was yellow. My pee was blue from the cure tho. Was funny" | ||
Took amount of SN recommendated (15g) didn’t take anti-nausea meds because everything was rushed. Ordered SN on Thursday from eBay. Didn’t expect it to arrive so soon. The following day. Hadn’t booked hotel as I was waiting to get paid the following week. Then I could book hotel as planned. Went into my overdraft instead. Measured out how much SN I needed. Hid the rest. Booked a room at a hotel not too far from me. Did this at reception. Went to my room, I was exhausted, but had a shower first, then lied down and fell asleep. Woke up late Friday evening. Dark outside. Emptied SN into a glass of water. Gulped down glass of water with SN. Layed back down. I felt drowsy at first, but I felt this way prior to taking anything and hadn’t slept since Wednesday. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - hotel staff called ambulance.] Started feeling sick. Couldn’t keep myself from vomiting. Thought this was normal though. Passed out for a while. Woke up on my side with vomit all over myself and the bed. Every time I tried to sit up, I felt like I was goung to pass out. I wasn’t concerned at this point. Just annoyed that I hadn’t died yet. Looked at myself in the bedside mirror. Fuck me!!! I knew something wasn’t right. My complexion had changed colour and my lips also. Tried to get off the bed to get some water. That’s when it went black. Next thing I know I’m being taken out of an ambulance and rushed into resus at a hospital.
Apparently hotel staff had let themselves into my room due to reports from another customer next door, who said that they heard things crashing to the floor in my room. When I was found I was on the floor. Out cold. I kept gong in and out of consciousness. Put on oxygen and started on iv of sone sort. I told them in the ambulance about the SN, when I came round briefly. Don’t remember this. It all still feels like a dream to be honest. I’m been on a heart monitor since I arrived at the hospital. The oxygen mask was annoying the hell out of me. Refused to speak to the mental health team when they came to see me this morning. The woman that came to speak to me had the nerve to say “why didn’t you contact us before it came to this, we are here to help you.” Told her to fuck right off. Too little to late morone. Told the doctor that it wasn’t intentional. If I’m discharged tomorrow, I will be taking more SN. Go to hotel out of area. ———— OfficerK said: "Are you certain that you measured up the right amount of SN? Did you use a scale?" REPLY: "I measured the SN with scales. If I wasn’t rushing, I would have took the whole 2kg that I ordered, with me and would have taken more when I hadn’t dropped dead yet in the time I thought I would have, instead of experiencing a physical pain that matched my mental pain. My “voices” think this is hilarious. Only way I can shut them up and stop feeling fucking depressed all the time! I know I was close and now know how much more I need to take, along with the anti-nausea meds. It was on impulse. If I had properly planned this and not rushed it then... we’ll it would have the outcome I wanted. I won’t fail next time." ———— Mental health team came back to see me again. After a discussion with the consultant psychiatrist, they feel that it would be in my best interest if I am admitted to a psych hospital, once I am physically well enough to be discharged from where I am now. The psych doctor hasn’t even spoke to me yet. I told them n to the o (no). This didn’t go down well and I have been told that they have the right to detain me under the mental health act until I am assessed tomorrow morning by a doc and social worker, who will decide if I am admitted involuntarily. Where the fuck were these people over the last month or so, when I have phoned them, explaining that I was struggling and had made plans to ctb due to how am feeling and being told to phone them back the following week if I was still struggling to cope. Wtf!!! ———— Sinbad said: "We know so little about SN's effect after consumption." REPLY: "I wasn’t in any immediate pain after taking SN, until I fully came round in the hospital. I’m assuming due to lack of oxygen. Pain mainly generated in my head and lower part of my back." ———— Trashcan said: "Was the pain severe? Moderate? Mild?" REPLY: "The pain fluctuated between moderate to severe, but lucky for me I have a high pain threshold. The longer I was receiving oxygen and whatever was in the iv, the pain began to subside." ———— OfficerK said:"Do you mind me asking how tall you are and approximately how much you weigh?" REPLY: "Height 5-foot 7 inches. Weight 61kg" ———— ChemicallyCalm said: "A question if I may. Do you think you’d of ctb if you weren’t found despite the extreme vomiting?" REPLY: "I really do think I would have ctb if I wasn’t found. The only reason I was found was probably due to trying to not fall over, which caused me to bang into stuff, causing shit to fall to the floor, disturbing others in the hotel room next door." ———— Lara Francis said: "I have been thinking of you" REPLY: "I’m okay, whatever okay is. I didn’t get sectioned (horray) admitted voluntarily. Kept my head down, as advised and was discharged yesterday. I think that was down to all the questions I was constantly asking the staff at the hospital such as, “why are you all always sat down on your back-sides in the office?” “Why do you never ask the patients if they are okay?” Why to some of you walk around with an air of superiority?” “What experience and qualifications do you have that allows you to do this job? which is doing nothing basically.” “Have you ever thought of a career change?”
Also atbnight they would do the bed checks, which meant flashing a torch in your face. By the third hour, I had my torch on my phone waiting for them to pull back the curtain. See how they like a bright light shone in their faces. They didn’t do that again. I’m really am not a horrible, childish person, but they infuriate me that much, even a good girl can go bad lol" ———— I acted on impulse. Didn’t have all the stuff I needed. I will soon | ||
I took SN in capsules. I took about 8 or 9 full tablets. I didn’t take anything else as I couldn’t get hold of the antiemetics. I basically just filled the capsules and swallowed them with water. I then made the mistake of going outside for a cigarette. Within 10mins I was found because a neighbour walked past. ———— [POST-RELEASE] Finally got all the stuff I need. Thanks for the recommendations on where to get SN from. About to attempt again. Wish you all well. Shouldn’t get found this time ———— Thanks. Just putting the SN into capsules and then I’ll be off | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - member went outside, alerted neighbours with appearance who called ambulance.] Apparently my lips were blue and I was ghostly white. My only symptoms were a massive headache. I didn’t feel sick or anything. My neighbour called an ambulance. When they turned up they put me on oxygen. My saturation’s were 78% on oxygen. I was rushed to hospital on blue lights. When I got to the hospital I was taken straight to resus. My O2 sats were still dropping. I was on oxygen through a nose bit and through a mask on the highest setting. They gave me that blue medicine. Last thing I remember is them saying my sats were 60%. Apparently I then basically died. I woke up with a tonne of doctors around me and wires everywhere. I was in pain from being zapped by the paddles. I improved over the next few days. I spent 5 days in hospital and 5 days in the psych ward. I haven’t got any more SN left so if anyone knows of a place that sells it and will ship to the UK let me know please. Any questions please ask. ———— calendulo said: "I am so sorry about your incident. 60 saturation is dead, noone reaches that number." REPLY: "I did reach that number because that’s the last thing I heard before my heart stopped and I stopped breathing."
Bagger said: "How do you pass out? How it feels like? Do you remember the moment?" REPLY: "It just went black. I just remember the monitors beeping and the nurse or doctor running over and shouting that I was at 60% sats. It was painless." ———— Death_Loverr said: "Why do you still wanna ctb with SN?" REPLY: "Because it worked I guess. It was almost painless and if I don’t get found then it will work."
CURSED again said: "i'm so sorry also - roughly how many grams equivalent?" REPLY: "Not sure about grams equivalent but it was the massive capsules. The 5 days were horrible but at least it was only 5 days"
irrelevant_string said: "How comes the idea of using capsules isn't spoken about more often? I heard that it tastes awful so it seems like a good idea. Do you know how much that is in grams? And you didn't vomit? Well that's odd. But the fact that you're willing to try again using the same method is quite reassuring." REPLY: "I think I didn’t vomit because I am on an antipsychotic that reduces vomiting, chlorpromazine."
21Neberg said: "I do have one question if you don’t mind: how bearable was the pain after you took the SN?" REPLY: "It was just like a really bad headache but I was able to cope with it no problem."
Roger said: "What was the total amount of SN in your eight (or nine) capsules ? Were the capsules the standard gelatine bombes ? It is quite remarkable that they dissolved to release SN and give you noticeable symptoms within 10 minutes. No antiemetics, no antacids, yet you only suffered kopfschmerzen - no nausea, no other pain. Is that a fair summary of your experience ?" REPLY: "I didn’t weigh it out. But it was the massive capsules. I was found 10 mins after going out for a cigarette so about 20mins after taking them I would say. I think my other med stopped me vomiting. Just a headache, that was the only pain. I did have a big bag but when the ambulance staff turned up they found the bag on my bed and took it with them and then disposed of it in hospital."
onlyinsleep said: "My only question is...how did they even know you took SN that fast? Most ER docs I have met are stupid. Do they get training now that turn blue=sodium nitrite?" REPLY: "They found the bag when the ambulance staff picked me up so they realised. Plus my blood test came back pretty quickly showing the cause"
littlelady856 said: "You said it was painless yet you had a headache? How bad was it?" REPLY: "They headache wasn’t too bad. If I moved then it made it worse but sat down it was bare able. I did have some paracetamol for it in A&E but that’s it." ———— Was sick so doubt it is going to work. I’ve got enough to try again tomorrow. ———— Feeling oky. Bit of a headache but I expected that. Still a bit blue but otherwise I don’t feel too bad. ———— Oh it all came out lol. I’m going back to a kind of normal colour now. I’m sure I’ll feel shit tomorrow! ———— Still here. Been feeling rotten. Managed some tea and biscuits and a doctor pepper. Sleeping helped ———— Feeling fine thanks. Desperate to attempt again | ||
I tried to CTB with SN. It almost worked except for I didn’t realize how fast it would work and someone found me. I would recommend this method and I will be trying it again this weekend. The recovery was interesting but not hard. Not long term side effects or anything like that. ———— I threw up part of it actually and the just felt like I needed to sleep and I also got really hot at first. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - member’s boyfriend (presumably) called emergency services.] I woke up in the hospital with some blue anti poison stuff. I ended up being found by my boyfriend and not breathing a few hours after I took 2 gulps. They cut my shirt and did CPR and put in a breathing tube. I was of course 1013’d into a mental hospital and released 7 days later. I am going tomorrow to get DNR form signed and have a DNR bracelet arriving tomorrow as well. It would have worked had I not been found or had a DNR. My boyfriend was not supposed to come home but he did. He’ll be hours away this weekend so I plan on doing it again then. ———— Raggas said: "Did you take any anti emetics or acid reducers? Did you fast?" REPLY: "I did not take antiemetic and I did not purposefully fast, though I don’t have an appetite or eat much anyways. I took a lot a threw up and it still worked. It still soaked in to my bloodstream."
Raggas said: "Is it euphoric to have seizures with SN?" REPLY: "I don’t remember any though I’m sure I had them" | ||
Failed Feb 2019. Reason: mixing with orange juice (vitamin c cancels SN). Still became very ill. Still have minor health problems but I am alive | [NOTE: Member suspects orange juice’s vitamin C cancelled efficacy of SN.] AsexualBarbieBoy said: "Are the health problems related to the Sn? If so, what are they?" REPLY: "Alopecia. Attempted in February, hair started coming out within that same week and continued until June. It's slowly growing back now, thank god. I'm female and of child-bearing age. My cycles stopped completely so I believe it can mess up hormones/endocrine - not sure about long term fertility or male fertility etc. Immediately after taking it and the whole two weeks after, my kidneys and bowels just werent functioning - I also couldn't feel hunger. I ate an apple and two bites of a hospital sandwich for a whole week or so (drank as normal) but I was so not hungry. There you have it, those are my long term symptoms from s n failure. Not so severe but still a pain." | ||
Anyway, last night, I mixed up 25 g (just over 4 teaspoons) into a little less than half a pint of water. I took 500mg of ibuprofen an hour or two before. I tried not to eat as much (I can’t really fast, I’m a big baby) so it would absorb faster. | [NOTE: Vomited, but only ~5 hours post-SN.] It took me a long time to take the first sip. I just kept being like, wow, this is really happening. I started by just tasting it, like with the tip of my tongue. It was salty but didn’t actually seem that bad, not as bad as I thought it’d be. So I took 3 sips total. Barely got ANY SN. It was way way more gross to sip it than taste it. It felt like weirdly thick in my mouth. I realized that there’d be no way I could drink the whole thing, no matter how bad I wanted to go. So! I laid back. I had gotten a garbage can out so I could puke if I needed to. I was in my bed. I tried to close my eyes but my body was Goin Thru Stuff lol.
I just got a Fitbit a few days ago and kept it on for this so I could watch my heart rate. Here’s the progression, to the best of my memory. Especially when I realized I probably would live, I wanted to at least observe to share with you.
After my body's triumphant and dramatic expulsion of the toxins, I emailed my boss and said I'd need another sick day. And I went to sleep, totally out, for 3 hours. | ||
After setting a day and time to CTB I sat down with 20g of SN diluted in 100ml of water put on my favorite album and drank the solution. I must stress I did not take any benzos or anti emetics. Although the mixture was quite salty I managed to get it down. ———— I had fasted since breakfast about 9am and took the SN around 10pm I had however had a few beers before taking it. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Police were alerted to attempt by playing of loud music.] I have just came back home after being sectioned in the UK for two weeks after taking SN, I thought I would share my experience of this method. I remember feeling a little nauseous and dizzy but remained in my chair so help ease the symptoms. I don't remember much after that until the paramedics arrived apparently I had slumped in my chair onto the remote and turned the volume of my stereo up so as to generate a noise complaint and police visit. Apparently from what I have been told this was around an hour after I had ingested the solution, once in the ambulance I was resuscitated and taken to hospital where I was stabalised and moved to HDU. When I woke up the next day according the doctor if I had arrived 30-40 minutes later I would have died that is approximately so roughly two hours after drinking the solution. I was then assessed for 24 hours and moved to a secure unit. ———— I couldn't really put a time line on taking the SN and passing out but would put it at about 20-40 minutes there or there abouts. I have no idea how I didn't throw up but I didn't, maybe it was a one off I have no idea. I would ha e taken anti emetica but they didn't arrive in time for me to CTB. I would recommend to take them however as the nausea was quite bad. The really worrying or good thing depending on how you look at it is I can't remember any serious pain other than the symptoms I have mentioned, and looking back it just seems memory wise like a heavy night on the drink. As in I can remember things here and there but can't put a timeline together. I will be attempting this again but will be taking my anti emeitics this time. I am already omeprazole for an haiatus hernia. | ||
As the title says, the SN didn't work. ——— I want to be able to give people the information they want but I think they forget that 3 days ago I was convinced I wasn't going to be alive anymore and yet here I am and I need time to come to terms with that.
- I took 15g of SN in 100mls water. - I didn't 'admit' I didn't take antiemetics, I couldn't because of the medication I am on already. - I don't know when I was found. I stated multiple times I was unconscious. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Found - member’s boyfriend called emergency services.] I know I vomited, and my heart was racing one minute. And the next thing I know I'm in the hospital on an IV. I don't know what happened really. Apparently my boyfriend found me lying on the bathroom floor and I was blue. ———— Yes sorry, it most likely was because I was taken to hospital that it didn't work. It probably would have worked if he hadn't found me when he did. He apparently finished work early. I didn't take anti emetics because I was on antipsychotics. I don't know how long it was from when I took them until I woke up sorry. I wasn't in pain except for my head hurting a little and my throat from being sick. I just remember lying down on the bathroom floor and being really focused on my heart rate and then that's it. Oh and no I wasn't admitted for the attempt. I was expecting to be. Im being seen by the crisis team tomorrow ———— Okay, I'll try and respond to everyone's questions. I thought I'd planned well. My boyfriend works late and it's very rare that he finishes early so I didn't think I'd be found before I ctb. I had antiemetics but another member told me that I shouldn't take them with my antipsychotics. When I found that out I'll be honest I rushed into doing it because I didnt 'have to wait it out' anymore. I wasn't conscious in the ambulance so I can't tell you if they had methylene blue or if it was administered at the hospital but I live quite close to a hospital so I guess that's a factor I didn't think about. I was scared after I first drank the SN and when I vomited but I led down and put some music on and I nearly felt peaceful. Like I said I personally wasn't in pain other than headache and my throat hurt from being sick. I did leave a note, I also did leave the bottle out by accident. I planned to put it back where id been hiding everything but in the moment I guess I forgot. I will be trying again once the crisis team is off my back. I'm also going to come off of my antipsychotics so I guess I'll be here until they're out of my system at least. | ||
I guess some of you read my previous thread about getting a bad reaction from meto. I was very ready to ctb with SN, so I felt like I didn’t have the time to find an equivalent medication. Although disappointed, I realized I couldn’t do the 48 hour regimen. I looked further into doing the stat dose, and that is also what I did. It happened 18 hours ago. | [NOTE: Found - likely that member’s psych alerted member’s relative who called emergency services.] I was feeling relaxed in my hotel room. I had fasted all day. It felt like this is it. I poured myself a glass of SN, according to Stan’s guide. I had one extra glass just in case I would throw up. It was really salty indeed, just like others have described it before me. Just immediately after my last sip, the police rushed into my room after someone calling the ambulance. I was kind of freaking out, but I remember the kind police officer said to the two others: «Everything is alright, she’s just hanging out with her computer». They waited until the ambulance and the doctor showed up. I was still feeling good, and they allowed me to pack my luggage. I was about to check out of the hotel until I wasn’t feeling all that good anymore. That damn hotel worker was such a newbie, and couldn’t handle the system properly. He was using what felt like forever. I said I had to sit down for a little. After a few seconds I poured my guts out at the hotel floor, just beside the ambulance. After a little while, I was like: «OK, I’m ready to check out». And I did. The next thing I remember is me lying on the floor. Apparently, I was still at the hotel. I said to the ambulance that my vision was getting more and more blurry.
The next thing I remember is thinking: «Am I dead?». Then I felt someone touching my leg and putting something in my mouth. «No, I can’t be», I was thinking. But I couldn’t move or talk. After talking with the doctors after waking up after 12 hours, they said that I was put in narcosis. Even tough i was throwing up like crazy my methaemoglobin level was about 60, and they told me I was extremely cyanotic. Obviously, I’m still at the hospital, so I have to check my medical records later. Also, they offered me a different kind of antiemetic which I handled well, so I will go and get a prescription of those by my general doctor when I’m released.
Right now I’m feeling confused and sad. Nobody knows that I’m here, and I don’t know if I will tell my family or not yet. Even though this was a complete failure, I wouldn’t have been here right now if I wasn’t found. I hope that is somewhat calming to know by those of you that are considering the SN method. Now I’m just peeing blue, and I have a security guard outside my door. ———— Rallyon said: "Did you experience any pain? Are you really peeing blue?" REPLY: "I didn’t experience any pain after I ingested it. Now I have the worst migraine ever though, but I usually have migraines. And yes, my pee is completely blue."
Hopeindeath! said: "How's your vision?" REPLY: "My vision is all good now. Thanks." ———— When I woke up earlier today I was completely naked with tubes covering both my arms, ECG on my chest and a urethral catheter. They’re now «untubing» me. I heard that my lactate and calsium is still high, but my metheamoglobin and heamoglobin is back to normal. ———— Bzrluvtriangle said: "How and why were you put on suicide watch? Did you tell someone you wanted to CTB?" and Broken Chimera said: "Ik you were on suicide watch, but how did they know you were actually going through with it?" REPLY: "My psychiatrist is well aware. I haven’t really been on this site for that long. I really appriciate my psychiatrist, and he’s been trying to help me for several months. I was willing to try to get help at first, until I wasn’t anymore. I suspect that I left him worried after the last session by being calm and kind of in a «goodbye state», without saying it if that makes any sense? I think he reached out to my sister (because she lives somewhat near me), and when I didn’t reply to her message the police and ambulance showed up at my hotel room. I’m not completely sure that this is what happened, but I think it’s pretty accurate. ———— NextSummer said: "I still wonder: 1) you didn't experience any pain right? increased heart beat rate? shallow breathing? 2) what was the time you first felt the effects and when did you puke? 3) would you repeat ctb via SN?" REPLY: "I didn't experience any pain or some sort of shallow breathing. I remember my heart was beating faster and faster, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. That was the first sign I experienced after I had ingested it, and it happened fast. I think it took like 20 minutes before I puked. After I puked I felt completely fine and was able to check out and pay for my hotel reservation, until I suddenly woke up laying on the floor. Then I was experiencing loss of vision, and then I don't really remember much. And yes, I'm going to use SN again if I will attempt to ctb again. I will not repeat my mistakes though. Even though I was very ready to ctb, I realize that I was prepared for doing the 48 hour regimen, and not the stat dose. Now I have time to get the antiemetics that I can handle though, if I want to go for the 48 hour regimen." ———— Daffodil said: "I'm curious how they found you at the hotel? Did they call every hotel?" REPLY: "They called the hotel, yes. I don't really know how the system works, but I'm surprised by how effective they are to find someone. But yeah, as someone else was talking about, it's wise to turn off your phone. Other than that I think the police in my country has a routine where they contact all the bus companies, hotels etc. when they are trying to find a person. If you're not being treated for any mental illnesses you're probably safe though." ———— NextSummer said: "Didn't you say that the police and ambulance showed up after you drank SN? Didn't the doctor check you? Why did they let you check out? what was the plan? that you go home?" REPLY: "I was still very calm and in a good state when they showed up. The situation wasn't dramatic until I got to the hotel reception, so I don't think they understood that I already had ingested it. I think that they just wanted to cooperate with me and handle the situation quietly and with ease. They were supposed to bring me to the hospital for a general check up, until things escalated and I was rushed to the hospital. " ———— I'm at home and feeling very empty right now, but I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow. Hopefully he will show me some of my medical records from the hospital. I'll update here when I have them. Physically I'm OK, but I have lost all sensation in my left upper arm. I'm going to ask my doctor about it tomorrow, but I'm guessing that it's permanent damage. It's not the worst damage to get, but I kind of have to get used to it and process what has happened." ———— So, I've just been to an appointment with my GP. I have to get the full medical records from the department itself.
My suicide attempt was classified as extremely severe. My methaemoglobin level was 68% (above 70% is considered lethal), and I received 50 mg methylene blue as antidot twice. My methaemoglobin level then quickly reduced and my oxygen saturation got more normalized. My BP was measured to 70/41. I was pale, unconscious and my airways were blocked. As I've said already, I'm physically fine now except for loss of sensation in some body areas. I didn't get to ask my GP about it, and I don't know if there's any point of doing it either. I know it's not a big deal, but it somewhat bothers me anyway. I got a prescription for ondansetron after I told about my experience with meto. My GP was a little worried that I will use it for another CTB attempt, but since I have chronic migraine he said it was OK. They took away my SN, so I'm waiting to receive a new bottle. | ||
[SN + DMSO] Just drank SN + DMSO ———— Minudah said:"How much did you take?" REPLY: "20g of SN dissolved in 100ml of DMSO. I vomited. I don't know how much I have that in my stomach now, but I think that much of them has been puked." | Ahh, what I have done?! ok, ok, keep calm, keep calm. Horrible taste, but I did it.. ———— I feel similar to partial hanging. Vision want to turn black, but it don't. I hear some noise.. Now I feel that im going to pass out. Oh no. ———— I don't have control about them. ah. ———— Ok, I was in the bathroom now (I didn't vomiting, i didn't need to - ok, I was sitting on the toilet...). I've heard another noise, like a hiss, but it wasn't in my head. I heard that like a normal sound. I don't know where did come from - in my bathroom I didn't hear similar noise ever. I think so. When I was walking to my room, I was convulsing - like in partial hanging - it was very similar! Convulsing with a low frequency.. Or how can I say about that. Then I was thinking that I'm going to pass out, but now I do not feel it - convulsing as well as going to pass out (im sitting on chair now). I feel bit tingle also now. I feel that at first after drinking that substances. I have also high bit rate. And deep bt reath' (I cant' aim ———— CameronCandie said: "you still alive? if so hope you see this and pass in peace" REPLY: "Yes but I don't feel Ica==-h-s--][nva[ ve mcij time.[]tee/" ———— Do you think I can drink apld juice? I wanna drink it badly. 40minutes leef Sorry, but I can;r aim on keys. ———— I was typing strange letters on keyboard because my hands were convulsing and my vision was kind of moving from right to left. I don't know why typing on keyboard was so hard, because I even couldn't look for my hands. I might add I'm generally type without looking on keyboard (if you thinking about 'How he was typing at all?'). When I stood from chair I fell down and hit window but I didn't pass out. Generally I was not really conscious. When I was walking to bathroom I was doing it on my hands and knees. I didn't call for ER. I dealt with it on my own. I have vomitting a lot. After time I felt bit better and went to (trying) sleep. Now I don't feel very good but it's ok. And it isn't troll. I'm not here for fun. I won't do this method again. When I see rest of DMSO on my desk for example I'm feeling a bit ill. ———— Roberto said: "Did you feel pain?" REPLY: "There wasn't any pain. Nausea was actually the biggest problem. Maybe due to my almost immediate going to bathroom and vomitting. I don't know how to better prove that's not fake. Photos I took before drinking (with regard to some posts about my calm)." ———— Kingkelly said: "How long before you were unconscious? Also did it hurt?" REPLY: "I wasn't unconscious. I mean that I was not really conscious but I didn't black out." | ||
[SN + DMSO] I'll be taking SN with DMSO, 1/2 a cup of DMSO with 5 teaspoons of SN, with 3/4 of the mix first going on veiny parts of my skin. I couldn't get antiemetics, meanwhile I could buy pure DMSO at the local vitamin shop/natural health store. Since Xerxes used less than that in his experiment and almost died, I think it should work for me if I put more on my skin and drink the same amount.
I'm going to take it in about an hour and a half, then I'll make individual posts noting how I feel. It's faster to make individual posts than it is to edit my last one, and I wouldn't want to pass out and barely not send something just because I didn't want to double post. ———— Mixing everything together now ———— I kept the DMSO near a 90F heater and stuck the glass in front of it for 5 minutes, but the SN is still really slow to dissolve in the DMSO. I've been swishing it around ti stir it without a spoon. Is this normal? How long until either the DMSO or the SN in the mix goes bad? ———— The SN is just sticking to the bottom. I stuck the glass in front of the heater and the SN started dissolving, but the glass was so hot it worried me. Should I stick it back in front of the heater? ———— Put on at 10:30. Put on half by 10:40,bug flew in it and died. ———— This is weird. This time I mixed the DMSO and SN, and they mixed together fine, but this looks almost like lemon juice. It's yellow with pulp-like in it. Should? Is this a probkem? ———— I do not want to drink this... This mix looks so nasty compared to the last one too. Ugh. Good thing I have a story ready if I have to go to the ER ———— I couldn't make self drink. So slathered rest on. About 3/4 a new mix. Help abdominal ain | [NOTE: Member admitted self to hospital?] My mouth was dry from drinking so little over the weekend and from drinking nothing today but tea early this morning, yet my mouth just started salivating really badly. Would be a problem with the DMSO? ———— I don't see hoq I could've possibly put more on anyway. Burns my skin. I'm too tiny to get it everywhere. I feel a little dizzy and have the DMSO taste in my mouth plus something else weird. ———— A little lethargic and weak. Yeah it's been half an hour now and while putting on the skin definitely did something, it'd take way too much to die off of it alone. I might have to drink this, ugh :( ———— Middle of mixing when my vision started going black and I felt this weakness like being hit on the head. Still not severe though. This feels weird. Just gotta throw the SN back in the DMSO. Then I guess I have to drink it. Now I'm getting a headache ———— I started having really bad chest and muscle pain, was shaking really badly, my skin turned pale and bluish, and the dizziness, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, and nausea came back with a vengeance. The chest pain was the worst part, it made it really hard to move forward and get up. I got stuck for over an hour because I couldn't get up because of the chest and muscle pain, which both were their worst when I tried to get up. I probably would've thrown up a bunch if my stomach hadn't been so empty (because of the DMSO I intended to drink but couldn't -_-).
I went back to the hospital and made up a more detailed story. I said that I meant to pour a little bit of DMSO on myself but spilled it on accident, then just casually cleaned it up with paper towels because I didn't think there would be any harm. Then I got something to drink, cleaned up a mess in the kitchen, handled dog food and a bunch of other things, then the abdominal pain came on. And basically got really detailed but was vague about the things I touched.
The first doctor believed me and seemed concerned about it, and was talking about poison control. The second doctor and last doctor I explained it to wouldn't even talk about the possibility of it being related to the DMSO or even a poison issue at all. He rolled his eyes and said DMSO is naturopathy (it's not, DMSO is a pharmaceutical) so it can't do anything. I tried to show him articles online about people getting hemlock poisoning through gloves from having DMSO on their hands, but he wouldn't even look at them. He flat out would not believe that DMSO is a solvent. He asked about why I was using the DMSO and I told him it's for chronic pain. He interrogated me about my chronic pain and thinks I'm neglecting it, so he started making it all about my chronic pain and not the reason I was in there. None of the tests he ordered would do anything to detect SN poisoning. They said my temperature was low but didn't elaborate, and I didn't even understand what they said about my heart.
Fortunately I've been feeling a lot better over the past hour or so, now it's just chest and muscle pain, stiffness, weird taste in my mouth (kind of like DMSO and kind of like some other taste I can't describe), and I'm shaking a tiny bit. I feel better than I have in 8 hours, so I think I'll be okay regardless. Never had any seizures or anything when it was at its worst either.
At least on the bright side it was a learning experience, even if I would still have really rathered that bug have not decided DMSO would be a good idea to drink. Next time I'll make the mixture in a bottle since that would solve both of the main issues that wasted my time, trying to mix it uo then having a bug fly in it. Shaking it around in a bottle makes so much more sense than swirling it around in a cup and sticking it by a heater. Also helps keep things from getting in it and keeps the mix from spilling out. Still don't know what the mix is supposed to look like though, I don't know if the first or second mix was right. They looked and smelled way different, the only difference was different brands of DMSO that otherwise mostly smelled the same.
Are bugs attracted to DMSO or is my luck that awful? It died straight away too. It died instead of me. | ||
I'm going take my SN without meto(because fuck waiting I'm tired of that) on 2/4/20 at like I don't know 10AM? 11? I'm not good at being on time so I'm just going to say in the morning.If I wake up too late I missed my window. I very much expect I may screw up before even getting a chance so don't be surprised if I end up canceling this goodbye.
My regimen is pretty simple. 1 hour before I drink SN I take two tylenol 30 minutes before I take a tums(or nothing not sure on this one) Then I drink about three glasses of SN with 1 tablesoon in 50ml of water each. I'm gonna drink the first glass, probably throw up and then drink the other two. | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Member called ambulance.]
HadEnough1974 said: "You’re taking the SN hoping to get caught and get treatment?" REPLY: Close but not quite right. I want to die equally as much as I want to honestly get help. My urge to ctb is real this isn't just me hoping I get saved. I very much hope I don't wake up just as much as I'll be okay with waking up if I do. ———— I'm taking [SN] in the morning actually. I'm going to sleep in a minute though. I need to sleep for my fasting since I'll miss my window otherwise. ———— Gonna go pour the SN now. I want to spin the roulette and let fate decide if I live or not. I'm too tired to take action myself anymore. ———— Okay time to drink up. I might still screw up so I'll wait to close the window just in case. If I stop responding for the rest of the day or whatever feel free to ban me as I don't trust myself with the self ban button. ——— [POST-ATTEMPT (THREAD) - 14/02/2020]
I'm finally home after my wild gamble. I'm going to detail how things played out and if anyone wants to ask me questions about it feel free to do it here. I suggest you do it here instead of PMing me so other people don't ask the same questions over and over. Anyways here's how things played out:
After making my thread and going to sleep to fast I woke up on time. After waking up I ate two tylenol and then 30 minutes later I ate one tums. 30 minutes after that I said my supposedly possibly final words then poured and drank my SN. Not an exact time frame as it took me about 10 minutes to pour it and get to drinking it finally. It tasted like pool water. I mean like if you have ever accidentally got pool water in your mouth it's like swallowing multiple swallows of that. It was awful, like insanely bad. The taste still haunts me so yeah. Pinching my nose helped me get it down though so for anyone having trouble with the taste try that I guess. A few seconds later after drinking it my stomach started to hurt like hell. It was as if I dropped a hot coal into my stomach and it was just there and there was nothing I could do it about it. Oddly enough I waited while doubling over in pain and talking to @Jean4 and @Kirbster and kept thinking I'll throw it up I'll throw it up then I'll drink more if I have to. I did not throw up. I didn't throw up, instead I got extremely dizzy. I then panicked because I realized I'm clearly not ready yet(thanks Kirbster) and decided to call 911 while dizzy. I told them where I live and they picked me up and took my SN away with them. I told them what it was what I had drinken said I had tried to kill myself over the phone and in person confirmed what I said and then while they were taking me away in the ambulance I promptly passed out.
It was nothing. It was pure pitch black nothingness. The closest thing to oblivion a complete black out with no thoughts or feelings. It's as if time had stopped yet I hadn't realized it anyway. I felt nothing, I thought nothing, it was actually fairly peaceful. Then I woke up clearly in the ICU surrounded by my family who kept batting away my hand as I tried to reach for the mask that had tubes going down my throat. Being in the ICU was horrible not gonna lie. Luckily I soon after got a room and was able to think things through properly and say I need help/want help to the psychiatrist assigned to me. I told them all about my gamble(I in fact had to repeat this countless times) I admitted to buying SN before as a back up plan in case everything goes to hell, a last resort if you will. Luckily they believed me as I was telling the truth and thought hiding things would just overly complicate the help I needed. I was in the hospital for about 5 days then I was moved to a psychiatric hospital/ward whatever you get it. ———— Shinbu said: "Did you do the 48hr regimen?, or did you stat dose?. Did you take a antiemetic?" REPLY: "I had no anti-emetic so I took none. Just tylenol and tums. That's it. Didn't throw up either which was really strange and surprising to me. Whoops forgot to add that it was stat dose obviously. 7 hours of fasting then tylenol then 30 minutes later tums then 30 minutes after that the SN. So 8 hours of fasting overall."
Circlingthedrain said: "I feel almost rude for asking but the stomach pain, what sort of pain we talking? Like intense stomach cramps or something more?" REPLY: "Not the worst stomach pain I've ever had but also nothing like I've ever felt before. It's strange, I can't really describe it over than heavy and burning because that's what it was. It was like an intense burning that was attacking my intestines. Throat and head were fine though so at least there's that. If one wanted to ignore the pain to die it's perfectly reasonable to do that. It's not painless but it's still not even close to the worst." ———— Kirbster said: "how would you rate the pain from 1 - 10? And can you describe more of the feelings involved and how they progressed when you took the SN?" REPLY: "This is more a personal scale but 8 for me probably 6-7 for most other people. Maybe even less I'm not sure. My stomach gets into a knot when I'm stressed out and my stomach is very sensitive(not when it comes to throwing up but any pain really) so it was probably worse for me than most people.
As for the feelings...Definitely fear and pride while pouring the SN. Didn't think I would even have the courage to do that with the way my body was shaking before hand. After pouring it, an odd feeling of melancholy mixed with happiness. I knew things were about to change since pouring the SN means I'm not all talk that's for sure. After drinking it, mostly just disgust. Disgust with myself, disgust with the taste, and then pain. ———— Yaalya said: "did you have difficulty breathing? was this method peaceful except for stomach ache?" REPLY: "No trouble breathing really. I was very dizzy and my stomach hurt but otherwise pretty bearable. Pretty peaceful method really definitely when compared to most. Just drink it, take a bit of pain and then quietly go to bed very fast and never wake up again." ———— RoseyBird said: "that is the problem with pain before CTB. if you ever did try to ctb again would this be a method you would repeat?" REPLY: "If I did this method again it would be after quite some time to get the taste to stop haunting me. Oddly enough the pain isn't even that scary now just the flavor being so godawful that it makes me want to just rinse out my mouth with something to stop thinking about it. Otherwise though yeah no real other method would be good for me since this one is so easy. Fenatyl(or however you spell it) would be the only other choice for me because that blackout was perfect. I apparently slept for a whole day and it didn't feel like that at all it was just peaceful nothingness. ———— foreveryoung said: "so you drank all three cups which is approximately 51 gms of SN (given that one table spoon is about 17g)?" REPLY: "I only drank one cup and that was enough because I didn't throw up. It's still the best method next to N and F. Still the easiest to get compared to those two as well. 20 minutes of stomach pain then you're out cold. I just know it hurt more than I expected but if I had known I was just going to pass out and that's it I might have stopped myself from calling." ———— Loner said: "What made you call 911? The unbearable stomach pain?" REPLY: "I realized I'm clearly not ready to die so that's why I called them. The pain just helped that along."
APharmaDestroyedLife said: "I would hardly call a burning coal in your stomach peaceful, and again I say Exit International has been very reckless with the promotion of this method. May I ask. At anytime did you feel like you were suffocating? I have some concerns on SN also interfering with the ability to expel CO 2 from the body properly. Or was it just intense pain, dizzy, then nothing?" REPLY: "Just pain dizzy and nothing like you said. Breathing was normal though maybe the lack of oxygen is what made me instantly dizzy." ———— Rdc said: "Do you know how long it took for you to lose consciousness after drinking the SN? Other than the stomach pain and dizziness did you have any other symptoms like headache or rapid heart beat?" REPLY: "No fast heartbeat I noticed and no headache at all. Probably took around 20 minutes as far as I could tell." | ||
I’ve started my fast I’ll finish a few things before I head home. Getting some timed emails ready and then I’ll be heading home and hopefully in a few hours I’ll be taking the SN. I’m prepared for nausea and throwing up, if it does happen. ———— I wasn’t able to get the recommended anti emetic I have the generic for Zolfran and the anti acid. I have a scale to measure the amount by the gram, so I’m setting up my messages to be sent. Quickly rewriting and writing some letters and then it’s bottoms up. I figure I’ll chug it and hold my nose. Plus I’m gonna make sure when I mix it there’s nothing left and it completely absorbs it. And I have had the sn since last two weeks of last month. ———— About to drink it just finished mixing, no smell but I’m worried about the taste. I kinda feel lame of all things I’m worried about is how bad it’s gonna taste. ———— Also I gotta say I definitely recommend having a scale, 25 grams is a lot. I wouldn’t trust just using a spoon and guessing. But at my old job I would measure stuff and we had to be precise so part of me investing in one for this is that reason. | [NOTE: Member called emergency services.] Hoping SI won’t kick in before I take the SN but I am ready to go. It won’t be until about 8-9 my time I take it, and I started the fast about noon and I’ve been chewing on ice chips at work. It’s weird cause I’m talking to people in horrible positions, but I have to pretend to be happy myself knowing I’m gonna go home and end it tonight. ———— I failed SI kicked in, at hospital I will update later. ———— I’m still in the hospital, I got out of ICU yesterday. I’m gonna write up something about my experience, and part of me is so mad at myself I didn’t get a full dose so I thought I would be okay. If I hadn’t of called I would be dead, I didn’t expect to puke right as drinking it. It burned like hell going down, the taste being salty is an understatement. If I think about it too hard I remember it. And it burns going down the throat. Also, when they think you are dying at least my experience they make sure to not care about how many times they stick you, and other stuff. Almost felt like they wanted me to feel every painful blood draw as punishment for even attempting.
Psych is twisting my words in my assessment, I’m looking into laws that protect people with ptsd and the scandal with the Florida hospital. They didn’t like the studies I had brought up and examples of th stuff not working. Having some solid reasoning and examples of things from other cultures and asking how holding me longer than the required amount would be beneficial long term. And went through every situation in detail asking for a solution and not some “magical cure” of what they would do and adding another bill. I’m not sure they were ready for my questions. ———— They are really pushing it to me if I hadn’t of called I would have died. I can see where something to knock someone out would be necessary. But the taste is I don’t even know how bad it did taste my body just wasn’t even letting it go fully down my throat. I’m guessing gag reflex but with that it wasn’t too much that I had.
After drinking what I could, I immediately through up and felt the burning in my throat. And I thought since I threw up I could just tough it out and I had not had enough to be lethal I mixed 25gm (measured with scale) in 100ml. It looked clear and had no smell to it. I stared it down for awhile before I finally got the courage to drink it. I also had my sad soundtrack of “last songs” going.
When I drank it, the taste was the saltiest salt (I will not be eating my favorite sea salt and vinegar chips for a long time). Like I stated earlier I puked and my throat burned like I assume acid would feel like. The taste was so much I dumped out the rest, I figured I did not get enough to do anything. I got up and tried to sleep it off, I had seen another post about sleeping something off with symptoms like a hangover and I was just gonna lay down.
My body then started to break into a sweat and I felt like I was burning up. I felt dizzy and saw floaters. Then it stopped and I felt okay for a minute. And it kept switching between the two of those. I was slowly going more and more out of it. There was a slight soreness to my body (kinda like when you start to have the flu). My SI then kicked in, if I had been asleep and not tasted it, I would have succeeded. I didn’t time my sleeping pill right as well. The thing that got me a lot was the taste, I don’t think I could have prepared for it. For my taste buds and I tried to get to the back of the mouth, but like I said I also puked automatically. ———— I had Zolfran, but it felt hot going down my throat, and my body just rejected it. I was not prepared at all for the taste. Even with what I threw up I had enough that it would have killed me had my SI not kicked in. I know it’s not the recommended anti emetic. From what I understand people have thrown up with and without it. I could be wrong, but I know my experience with it kinda helped but didn’t. I made lots of salty jokes at the hospital and I have been using less salt on stuff because the memory of the taste.
I can confirm the sweating, and burning up, also dizziness. I was okay at first after I through up. It kinda hits you, quickly once it gets in your system. The doctor (psych) tried to tell me it is used for fireworks but I’m pretty sure she was talking about another thing. I felt like an experiment for a minute with how many nurses and students went around and by my room | ||
I mixed 15g with 60ml of water, half hour before I took really weak antiemetic ———— To add to all of this I'm 20yrs old and 147lbs ———— Jane8334 said: "Did you fast beforehand?" REPLY: "I fasted for 6h" | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness. Member had family member call emergency services.] My heart was beating like crazy, probably because I was scared as fuck and it was going to be the end of my miserable life. I can't compare taste to anything, but it's not so bad, although nothing enjoyable.
20 mins in, I felt like vomiting and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom doing that. Then,, after ten minutes I felt unbearable pain, like I've felt worse, but still it was hard to go through this, so I went to my sis and told her to call emergency asap and that she hasn't much time.
An hour in, I got blackout and I can't remember anything from that time, not even that they reanimated me. Now it's 11 hours after this, I'm in hospital and I'm completely fine, I told docs that it was stupid of me and of course I wouldn't try again, so they won't keep me there for long.
I'm sure if I didn't go to my sister, I would go through it and most likely be dead by now. To add to all of this, I was in psych ward for 6 weeks, but I've been training all this time/reading books/went to group walks/talked with folks there so it wasn't too bad. I'm enjoying my life now, but I know that sooner or later I will attempt again, but for now it's chill. ———— anna said: "Do you remember what anti-emetic you took and how much?" REPLY: "Yeah, it was apap night, I'm not sure if you can get it out of Poland, took 2tabs,which is 1g paracetamol if I remember correctly" ———— Jackblade said: "Where did the "unbearable pain" were located ? Head ? Stomac ?" REPLY: "It was mainly in the stomach" ———— Strumgewehr said: "Can you describe the pain in a bit more detail? Did it feel like having a bad gas? Or like having a diarrhea perhaps?" REPLY: "I can't compare it to those, I'm more likely comparing it to the mental pain I've felt since 6th grade till I was 19 years old, couldn't get out of bed or do anything, since then I don't remember the last time I've cried, I've been feeling numb since then." ———— creatureoflight said: "On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate the pain? And what kind of pain can you compare it to?" REPLY: "Something like plucking the root of permament tooth, 6-7, but after I puked it was mostly fine, so I guess good antiemetic would do the job." ———— creatureoflight said: "Is there maybe something else you could compare the pain to, like a migraine, broken bone, really high fever, back pain, etc? and was the pain like a crampy or stabbing feeling (similar to gastritis?)" REPLY: "More like stabbing feeling, growing pain. I would compare it to stomach pain, but much stronger, high fever isn't the case, back pain too, never had broken bone, migraine too soft (or maybe I've never had strong one) never had gastritis." ———— Q:So you didnt take antiemetics with a dopamine blocker? A:Seems so, bad research/no availability
Q:You also didnt take an acid regulator like f.e. tagamet to raise your stomache ph? A: As above, no
Q:No painkillers? No sleep meds? A:Again answer is no
Q:You only took the sn in 60ml water with a weak antiemetic? A:Yes
Q:How long do you think would dying without intervention have taken? A: I blacked out after 1h, I think another 30-40 mins and I'd be dead
Q:You wanted to ctb, now you are enjoying life after the ctb, but you expect to ctb again sooner or later. Why does this go up and down so extremely if i may ask? A: I'm lone wolf now, I'm participating in society the least I can, I know that some day all of this may go to shit, I know that someday I can CTB and no one can judge that. ———— mattwitt said: "So in Querry1's case peacefulness was a 1 and reliability was a 0 ?" REPLY: "I wouldn't say it was peaceful haha" ———— Ready to go. said: "Did you experience any breathing issues?" REPLY: "Not really.” | ||
About to take 3 benzo's and and a beer. Then i'll get 100ml of cold water with 3 teaspoons of sn take it all in shot glasses. ———— No dont have any [antiemetics]. I saw one thread where a guy said he used and didnt have any [antiemetics] so im hoping to have the same luck. ———— Im going for it | [NOTE: Member suspects not enough SN taken. Also vomited, but only 3 hours after SN consumption.] I'm already drunk hopefully that helps i can lay down and be out like a rock in seconds. ———— Its so salty maybe a drop of hot sauce before would help ———— I mixed in some tabasco and im sippin. Damn tastebuds ———— Hot sauce helps me with nausea. ———— F this its to damn salty. Rather drink vodka straight. Maybe i drunk enough to get the job done. ———— xMacy said: "How are you feeling?" REPLY: "Just tired" ———— Laying down under the fan. Some say that can prevent vomiting. Working so far. ———— Doubt i took enough. Going to sleep hope i dont wake up.
Lilith666 said: "Is it advisable to stay online until the very end? if the attempt works now or fails, it is not good that one has the side open and whoever finds one also on the side and it is reported separately or that one is still logged in and anyone else gets access to it?" REPLY: "Yeah i got ya'll im signing out" ———— k75 said: "Yeah. I doubt he drank enough. Probably will just wake up with one hell of a hangover." REPLY: "Yep. Worse. Hangover. Ever." ———— Slept for a few good hours and woke up feeling like i was made of steel. Head was ringing and eyeballs pulsing. Vomited 3 times back 2 back and my heart felt like it was about to burst threw my chest and run away. Hopefully the worst side effects are over so i can pretend like nothing happened. ———— I feel like a corpse right now. Fingernails blue and lips are blue with a massive headache. ———— Yep slept half the day and everything is almost back to normal still feel a little off. Probably puked about 20 times today. ———— Lilith666 said: "So you feel reasonably good again? is the blue color of lips and fingers gone again? could you at least hide it from the family?" REPLY: "Everything is back to normal."
Codieb1 said: "So you mentioned having small sips. How much do you think you had overall, in the end?" REPLY: "Not that much the taste was so bad. If you can handle the taste youre good to go."
jake3d said: "Like not fucking getting drunk before an important decision? :heh::ahhha:" REPLY: "Wasn't that drunk it was more like a buzz."
Shamana said: "How would you rate your experience on peacefullness?" REPLY: "The vomiting was the worst part but that's my fault so besides that its not that bad." ———— k75 said: "I have to say though, the hot sauce was a nice touch." REPLY: "It actually helped with the taste lol taking it straight is awful imo. Just looked in the mirror a few minutes ago and noticed both of the corners of my eyes have a lot of redness. Don't know if this is random or some late side effect." ———— malummo said: "Did you puke before or after you got dizzy? If you were dizzy." REPLY: "I puked after i woke up early morning."
littlelady856 said: "Any pain besides your headache?" REPLY: "Just the headache and the rest of your body just feels sick. I think the headaches was due to all the vomiting." | ||
[SN + DMSO] I have a scale and measured out close to 15g (it was a little over, not by much) and poured enough DMSO to mix. I didn't measure the liquid although I said I would. | [NOTE: Member reached unconsciousness – found and taken to hospital.]
I'm still alive. The SN worked well enough but I was found and taken to the hospital. They stabilized me and I'm home now. No lasting physical effects; I'm just very tired. ———— Othermind said: "How did they find you? What went wrong?" REPLY: "Evidently my neighbor thought something was wrong and decided to come check on me. When I didn't answer the door he looked in my living room window and saw me. I should have closed the curtains. I don't know why I didn't."
throwaway777 said: "could i ask u if u had lost consciousness before they found u? and if u know after how much time they found u?" REPLY: "I was out. He said he came by around 930? That would have been roughly an hour and a half after I took it. I think. I don't remember excactly when i took it." ———— Trulysorry said: "How long did it take you to pass out (if you can remember), and what kind of symptoms did you have leading up to passing out?"
Redt2go said: "What did you feel emotionally/physically? Was it hard to fall asleep bc of nervousness/pain? Also were you certain to die? Also how are you feeling now? Also if you were certain to die, what was your regimen?" REPLY: "Not long before passing out. I don't know exactly how much time passed but it wasn't much. I felt nauseous but didn't puke. Had a headache but it wasn't nearly as bad as a migraine. I've had migraines before so was expecting that. Felt drowsy/dizzy and that was that. Woke up in the hospital on a breathing machine.
Had nervous feelings but it didn't stop me from gulping it down. I have a scale and measured out close to 15g (it was a little over, not by much) and poured enough DMSO to mix. I didn't measure the liquid although I said I would. The past few days have kind of ran together. I can't believe it's already Tuesday. I'm just tired now. No other effects that I can tell. ———— Othermind said: "What did they ask you when you woke up? Did they make a fuss about you attempting to ctb?" REPLY: "The ambulance driver found the bottle of SN by me and took it in. After they took the tube out they asked why I took it and I lied and said I thought it was a supplement to help lose weight. I think they knew I wasn't being honest but they didn't push the issue too much. They wanted to know how much I took and I told them I didn't remember. They weren't too nice to me in ICU but when they moved me to a regular room those people were better. ———— Sickman75 said: "How are you doing mentally with all of this? Do you think maybe it's just not your time to go yet? @Xerxes was the last person to report anything and he's invisible right now." REPLY: "Not too well mentally. I'm pretty numb. I have no idea what I'm going to do going forward. Depressed and upset with myself for failing a "foolproof" method because I was too stupid to make sure the curtains were closed."
Failed in life said: "How much do you weigh?" REPLY: "More than enough."
throwaway777 said: "was it easy for u to dissolve the sn in the dmso? do u remember how long did it take?" REPLY: "I didn't have problems dissolving it." | ||
I took SN in a liquid solution last July after taking a regiment of Meto and survived to talk about it. I had about 20g dissolved in water, which I drank over the course of an hour. Maybe less. I don't exactly recall. I was judging how strongly the Xanax was affecting me as I drank it, because I didn't want to consume the full dose without the sedative effects being fully engaged. (been binging on alcohol the week before, so I didn't know how much tolerance my brain built up to GABA) | [NOTE: Lost consciousness for ~1h40m. Found - by police, who were alerted by member’s loved one and let themselves into member’s hotel room.] I failed because the police found me way too soon. A loved one had called the police on me fearing my attempt. It took a while before they actually let themselves into my hotel, not under a welfare check, but because of criminal reasons. ———— Cookiedough8956 said: "Did you take a stat dose? or 48 hr? How did it feel afteryou took it?? Did you pass out?" REPLY: "The benzos endured I was loopy af by the time I took anything. I remember the clock in my phone showing 5pm as I took it, then 6:39, the cops bursting in the door. I didn't vomit. It didn't hurt. I remember this euphoria similar to waking up from a dream. (also how I wake up from a post-ictal state; post seizure). I was EXTREMELY out of it the next few hours while I received treatment. I took the stat dose." ———— Cookiedough8956 said: "I'm just glad you didnt feel pain.." REPLY: "All I felt was sleepiness and a tingling in my extremeties. Not unusual for me though, as I usually fall asleep just right to cut off circulation to my arms. It felt completely natural?" ———— Johnnyk said: "How long did it approximately (in hours) take for you to be found after taking the SN? Are you contemplating the same method again- another one- or have you given up on catching the bus?" REPLY: "My next attempt will be the same, but with zero chance of being caught. No partner, no indication to anyone that what's underway is happening.
If I had to guess, it was less than two hours since I had dosed and took it. I didn't fast. I ate some pizza right before "nap time." | ||
Didn’t realize the effects of sodium nitr[i]te were as strong as they were. I dissolved 2 table spoons of SN into 1.5 cups of water (roughly a large glass) Had only 2 sips before pouring the rest out. ———— Merith said: "Did you use any anti-emetics?" REPLY: "I took 2 Ondansetron tablets after drinking the SN when I felt nauseous. I think the were 4mg tablets." | [NOTE: Reached unconsciousness.] I felt fine but every time I burped, it burned my nostrils. Next thing I know I’m in the ER with a breathing and feeding tube. Apparently my roommate wanted to ask me something and he found me passed out with a blue/gray face on the couch in my room. The doctors claimed that if I wasn’t found, I probably would have died. Oxygen level was at 83% when the EMT did a reading. I wasn’t trying to kill myself although I didn’t really care if I did. I thought that I might become drowsy or pass out for a little while since i was experimenting with only 2 tablespoons. Just a warning I guess that you should probably make sure you want to kill yourself before experimenting with SN. ———— 1. Sodium Nitr[i]te 2. Conventional spoon used to eat food with 3 & 4. I poured an entire glass of water (same amount used originally into a measuring cup) and it was 1.5 cups (US system here) 5. Exactly 1.5 cups of water to 2 -2.5 tablespoons of sodium nitr[i]te. I didn't level each spoonful out so it wasn't super exact.
It took probably 20 minutes to lose consciousness. EMT said I was sweaty and blue. Happened on a Monday afternoon, and I didn't wake regain consciousness until Wednesday morning. No pain or discomfort except being intubated. Body weight is 145lbs. I guess I didn't read the SN mega thread correctly. I definitely would not "experiment" with this stuff unless you are ready ctb. Had I not been found, I'd probably be dead which would have been okay with me since it ws just like going to sleep, but I still wanted to live for tomorrow and still do as of now. ———— I was given methylene blue since they diagnosed me with methemoglobinemia. | ||
it took 5 minutes for the effects to kick in, i started hearing ringing sounds and muffled noises, then i had an anxiety induced psychotic episode which made me scream - my landlord called the police and since then i was put in a&e and then a mental hospital. i’ve been put on two different antipsychotics and prozac. in a&e i woke up with vertigo and i couldn’t even stand on my own to go pee for 24 hours, i had mouth sores too - so i was in the observation unit for a few days until i could actually consciously talk to a mental health worker. i’m left with the effects of constant gagging and for a week i had random chest pains.
no i’m not happy i survived but i had to clear it up. ———— Suicidal4Ever said: "Only 5 with capsules? Well this is going to suck" REPLY: "i took 24 [edit: sorry i read that wrong! but yeah it was so instant, i couldn’t hear anything and people were like oh she logged off so quick and honestly i felt like i was going to pass out that fast]"
sleepy dog said: "You might want to be careful what you say when talking to mental health people, any of them. Maybe just pretend to be making progress, tiny steps. What antipsychotics do you use? Are you court ordered? Did they search your home, take the SN?" REPLY: "i’ve been with the mental health team for years, my therapist knows i don’t want to get better. they don’t care, they just discharged me and i was back home again." |