Transcriber: @robotchangeling
Austin: Ugh, I'm forgetting Hieron character names.
Jack: [chuckles] Who are you thinking of?
Austin: The fucking orc.
Jack: Morbash? Devar?
Austin: Nope, neither. The other one.
Jack: Elgash Or?
Austin: The other— the third one. Those are the three I've got.
Jack: Uklan Tel?
Austin: Uklan Tel.
Jack: [chuckles] Okay, I'll be right back.
Austin: Thank you.
[musical transition]
Art: Have you seen the music video for the song “Judas”?
Austin: ...No.
Art: I watched it today. 'Cause I wanted to—
Austin: Which song “Judas”?
Art: The Chris Jericho song for which the Judas Effect is named.
Austin: Okay. I wasn’t sure if it was that one or a different one. I was— you know. There’s a Lady Gaga song called “Judas”.
Art: Sure. but it’s like—
Austin: Sorry, you mean the Fozzy song.
Art: The Fozzy song “Judas,” yes.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Where it’s just like, him and the band behind him, and he’s just like singing into a fisheye lens, and then just like they have like odd stuff happen in the background.
Austin: There’s some clowns.
Art: Some clowns come in, or some...
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Some people in furry suits.
Austin: Sure. Someone’s on fire.
Art: Mm-hmm.
Austin: Also, everyone’s—
Art: It’s just a very strange 2018 music video.
Austin: Well, it’s also...one, this is a 2017 music video.
Art: Oh, shit.
Austin: May 2017. Two, I was gonna say: he is doing the thing that was like big on Tik Tok about the start of Tik Tok, which is that this is clearly like lip-synced…it’s like fast motion, right? It’s like...either high framerate so that they’ve been able to make it look fast motion or whatever, or like shot slow motion but sped up, you know?
Art: Mmm.
Austin: The thing that early Tik Toks did?
Jack: Oh, the Tik Tok— like the animated…
Austin: Yeah, the animated effect.
Jack: [unclear ??? 1:47] stuff?
Austin: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Jack: It’s a clever effect. Well done, teens.
Austin: Good job, teens. The boomer discourse is bad.
Jack: Is there discourse?
Austin: There was a New York Times piece today.
Jack: Oh, sure. But like…
Austin: That led to internet...
Jack: People complaining about it other than just like...what’s the complaint?
Art: Is that why someone—
Austin: Well, the complaint isn’t about— I mean, the complaint is about the piece, because the piece frames it as being like hostile in a way that erases the hostility of actual baby boomer policy.
Jack: Oh, sure. [chuckles] Okay.
Austin: You know? [chuckles]
Jack: Okay, sure. Right. It’s the thing Rami said about like…
Austin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Jack: They made a shirt.
Austin: Yeah, yeah.
Jack: Ugh, god.
Austin: Alright. We can wait for people to start filtering in.
Art: Alright.
Austin: We should time.is while we wait.
Jack: Yeah, let’s do it.
Art: [chuckles] You gotta be real quick on the link if you wanna catch the clap on these.
Jack: If you wanna catch the clap. Yeah.
Austin: Oh, yeah. I mean, I don’t even have time.is up for people to see. Too many Uber Eats ads on here today, so.
Jack: There’s lots of Uber Eats ads? Are we running Uber Eats ads now?
Austin: Time.is is. Three of them.
Jack: Oh, shit, really?
Austin: On my screen.
Janine: I don’t…
Austin: Four of them.
Art: Uber Eats. If you hate restaurants and employees... [Jack chuckles]
Austin: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Art: Use Uber Eats!
Jack: That’s the Uber slogan.
Austin: 25?
Art: Use the promo code “friends at the table.”
Austin: Nope! Don’t. 25.
Jack: No!
Janine: Mmm.
Austin: 25.
[they clap]
Art: Alright, but I had more joke.
Austin: I bet. [Jack and Austin chuckle] Uber Eats does not have any more money for us, so. [Art chuckles]
Jack: Yeah, where did all their money go? Was it just that they didn’t have any in the first place?
Austin: It’s like a whole fuckin’ thing. It’s a whole thing. With...it’s...there were two— ugh, it’s a whole thing. Because there’s kind of like two major...I wanna way European? investment firms that were like...that are tied to a couple of major U.S. endeavors?
Jack: Okay.
Austin: WeWork and Uber?
Jack: Oh, shit!
Austin: And Softbank. Softbank is like...I think they’ve hit the point where they’re like, “We’re not going to give you any more money until your money is good,” basically.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. I had no idea that WeWork and Uber Eats were the same...were…
Austin: Right, yeah.
Jack: You know, drinking from the same well.
Austin: Yeah. Yes. I think the WeWork situation is much worse.
Jack: Yes. That stuff is just on fire.
Austin: Or, in terms of— yeah, in terms of it being on fire. Not in terms of it being a good business. [laughs]
Jack: [laughing, sarcastic] Now, Uber Eats. Those are some real stand-up folks compared to WeWork.
Austin: Jesus. This whole— ugh. Ugh! It’s all fucked. Alright, we should—
Jack: How you doing there, Austin? [chuckles]
Austin: I'm fine. We should do a podcast. Or whatever this is. What is this? A livestream. It’s also a podcast, right?
Jack: Yeah.
Art: Eventually.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: Eventually.
Austin: Alright.
[musical transition]
Austin: Any other questions, here?
[A few seconds of audio plays from someone’s computer]
Voice 1: WHAAAT?
Voice 2: She’s ziplining with Little Jon?
Austin: Okay. Sylvia[1]…
Sylvia: Alright. Draw one card.
[musical transition]
Jack: Hello?
Austin: Well, I'm gonna end speaking into the microphone.
Janine: [overlapping] Ghostly.
Art: Oh, so it happened to everyone else?
Austin: And we’re just gonna cut it anyway.
Jack: Oh. Oh, I thought...
Janine: Thought it was just me.
Jack: I thought it was just me. I was just… [chuckles]
Art: I also thought it was me. It was Austin.
Janine: Spooky.
Jack: I wasn’t saying anything for fear of...oh dear. Well.
Austin: What I was gonna say is there’s a Mapmaker update for Armour Astir also coming soon. Hopefully this week. I'm just saying this to myself now, because I've lost connection to the internet, but that’s okay! Who cares. Let’s call it there. [chuckles] Have a good night, everybody. Peace.
Janine: [overlapping] I know it’s not how the internet works, like I know that if Austin’s connection is bad—
Jack: [chuckles] Then we can’t…
Janine: Then he can’t just stream and do an awkward outro, but it would have been really funny if the connection to us was the only problem, and he like went through the full outro and then was like, “And, [Jack chuckles] Art Martinez-Tebbel!” and then just silence. “Jack de Quidt!” Silence.
Jack: Dead silence.
Janine: “Janine Hawkins!” Silence.
Jack: [chuckles] Well, goodbye.
Art: Well, I have no idea how far back the stream is, but the stream chat hasn’t…
Janine: They...it’s...
Jack: No, the stream chat has. There’s Fs in the chat.
Janine: Yeah.
Art: Oh, I was up. Whoops, I missed so much chat. [chuckles]
Jack: Alternatively, we do the outro, and it somehow makes it through the connection to the stream. [Janine chuckles]
Art: I don’t think that works. [Jack chuckles]
[musical transition 0:6:31]
Ali: How was the Patreon thing? [Austin groans] [Austin and Ali chuckle]
Austin: It was good. The actual— there was like— there were lots of high points.
Ali: Uh huh.
Austin: I was— I had a great conversation with the rapper Sammus and her husband—
Ali: Oh!
Austin: Who was very nice. They’re both from Philly. And like...they were like a handful...they were two of a very small number of Black folks at that thing, and so we got to talk, and that was good. And like… [chuckles] be like, “Were you side-eying during this? Yes? Me too.”
Ali: [chuckles] Oh no!
Austin: There was a woman there, who doesn’t have a Patreon as far as I can tell—
Ali: Mmm.
Austin: Who gave like a thirty-minute talk—
Ali: Mmm.
Austin: About her journey as a creator that was the most white feminism like shitty…
Sylvia: Lean in.
Austin: Lean in. So, she was working for a construction company, and was...I don't know what she was doing for the construction company, but it felt like something in operations or logistics. Because she noticed that they had a big order or whatever, a big contract with the Navy. [chuckles]
Ali: Hmm.
Austin: The U.S. Navy. And noticed that the wood that they were bringing in, the wood that they had, was a special wood from South America that was very dense and very strong, because they needed it to be that way because it’s underwater building stuff. When you build stuff underwater with wood, it has to be able to like not rot from the water. It has to be able to not get termites, et cetera. And so there’s like, “Wow, this is special wood from South America,” quote unquote. And so she became determined to go to South America and find the wood and see if there was a way that she could become a private source for that wood instead of, like, the government. You know?
Ali: Mmm?
Austin: But when she got there, I gotta tell you, she just fell right in love with the people and the jungles and the beaches. [Ali chuckles] And she thought to herself, there has to be a way. There has to be a way to get the wood out of here that’s sustainable, that doesn’t hurt these people and these places. And so she found out that when trees get— when they fall, they leave stumps behind. And they just burn those stumps. They dig up those stumps and burn ‘em, but what if she took the stumps instead?
Ali: Mmm.
Austin: And so went eight miles into the jungle— not eight miles, sorry. Eight hours into the jungle to a little community where there were some trees that had fallen, and she and a bunch of people gathered up all of the stumps. They dug up the stumps, put them in the back of a van, and drove them back to a container of a cargo ship and shipped them back. And you have to understand, there’s no paperwork for this. Because, you know, this isn’t...this isn’t a big lumber company. This is small sustainable business.
Ali: Mmm.
Austin: And she brought it back and then, you know, it was all— she got her uncles to come and help her unload the container and load it back into a van. And then she thought, “What am I gonna do with this wood? I'm not a woodworker. I'm not a carpenter.”
Ali: Oh.
Austin: And she just had the know-how and the stick-with-it, stick-to-it-ness of an artist. [Sylvia chuckles]
Ali: Oh!
Austin: And so she learned. She, you know, went to different people who could have cut the wood up, and she learned that you have to cut it with metalworking equipment and not woodworking equipment, because it’s so strong, this wood. And now she makes...now she makes very expensive furniture out of this South American wood.
Ali: [chuckles] Hmm!
Austin: And very expensive other things. Let me show you her website, here. Her name is Al—[bleep].
Sylvia: So you’re saying she gave you guys a stump speech. [Ali chuckles]
Austin: [sighs] That’s what I'm saying, yeah. She— I will say, she currently cares a lot about...the forests, the jungles—
Ali: Oh, I bet.
Austin: And planting new trees. She’s planted a couple hundred new trees in a farm, where she’s— well, the thing is, she’s worried about the species. She doesn’t want the species to go away. And so she’s— hi!
Sylvia: Hi.
Austin: So she’s taking...so she’s taking seeds and growing them on her friend’s farm and returning them. Now, I don't know— I wouldn’t know from this speech why there’s a deforestation problem. She didn’t say why any— why the forests or the jungles are under threat. She couldn’t quite, you know, [chuckles] get to a reason for that.
Ali: Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Austin: But what she did tell us is that while some of her tables cost, you know, $10,000, $9,000...
Ali: Wow.
Austin: She did want, you know, people of lesser means to be able to enjoy this wood. Which is why she makes eggs. She makes worry eggs. [Sylvia chuckles]
Ali: Oh! Yeah, that’s, mm-hmm.
Austin: How much do you think this egg costs? Also, I want to be clear, that’s a bowl. She’s calling them eggs, 'cause they’re kind of egg-shaped, but there’s a concave center.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: How much do you think these are?
Keith: Um, $85.
Austin: On the money. A hundred percent exactly right, Keith.
Keith: Yeah! [hits the mic in excitement]
Ali: Wow.
Keith: Oh, I fuckin’— yeah, oh, trust me, I live and breathe this stupid bullshit. [Austin chuckles] Not buying them, but worrying about worry eggs.
Austin: [chuckles] How would you— how much do you think this bowl is? I'll read you the description. “All items are handmade in Brooklyn by Al—[bleep].”
Ali: Oh my god.
Austin: “When not working in the shop, Al—[bleep] spends her time in the jungles of both Central and South America, searching for very rare woods that have either fallen from storms or that have been taken from stumps required to be cleared by the forestry commission in order to plant more trees in the future. Many of the species are unknown to most, as many have never been exported for design.”
Keith: So this is reclaimed wood.
Austin: That is—
Keith: They’re trying.
Austin: That is— that is the claim.
Keith: They’re spinning it, at least, as reclaimed wood.
Austin: Yes. So, how much do you think this bowl is? I'll give you, uh...it’s four and a half inches in diameter, three and a half inches high. It’s constructed from the heartwood and sapwood of Wamara.
Keith: Can I ask a question about it?
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Is it bigger than the worry egg?
Austin: I believe it is. It is four and a half inches in diameter, three and a half inches high.
Keith: I have a guess, but I don’t want to guess first again.
Austin: You don’t want to domi— okay. Someone else guess first on this bowl. [Sylvia sighs]
Ali: 220.
Austin: If I sh—
Sylvia: I was gonna go like 150.
Austin: 150, 220.
Keith: I was gonna say 135.
Austin: 135. 135. Okay. Can I show you— I'll show you a cup. This cup here— I know it says bowl in the image title, but this is a cup. This is constructed from the sap of Wamara. This cup is $225.
Ali: Oh. [Keith whistles]
Austin: Does that make you want to change your answer for the Borealis Bowl? Also, it’s called a Borealis Bowl.
Keith: Yes, I'm changing my answer to $375.
Austin: $375, okay.
Ali: I'm changing it to 415.
Austin: Okay. Okay.
Keith: Is this Price is Right rules or is this closest rules? [Ali chuckles]
Austin: I think it’s closest. It’s Price is Right. It’s closest without going over.
Keith: Okay.
Ali: Uh huh.
Austin: Sylvia, do you have a second guess? For the Borealis Bowl.
Sylvia: What were the guesses? Like 400-something?
Ali: 415, and…
Keith: Ali guessed 415. I guessed 375, I think.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Sylvia: I'm—
Keith: And, you know what, I joined a little bit late, so I think I might have missed out that these woods are more rare than the worry egg woods.
Austin: Uh, the worry egg wood, also rare. She makes the eggs so that “people of lesser means” can enjoy the wood.
Keith: Okay.
Sylvia: I'm gonna go with...300.
Austin: These are all good guesses. $475. [Keith whistles]
Ali: Wow.
Austin: For that bowl.
Keith: [unclear ??? 14:00] [Ali cackles]
Austin: Uh, we’ll do one more. We’ll do one more here. Just one more. Do you want furniture or art? Which category?
Keith: Which one are these? Are these— is this furniture or is this art?
Austin: Those are bowls. Those are bowls. Okay, so there’s art, bowls, boxes, furniture, and miscellaneous.
Keith: I think…
Ali: Let’s do furniture.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Wait, and uncategorized— that’s worry egg. Okay, furniture. Furniture?
Keith: The good thing about the furniture is that I have an idea of how much is too much to spend on the thing that you sit on all day?
Austin: Okay, so you would like a sitting— you would like a thing to sit on.
Keith: Well, just furniture in general. Like, I know that it has a practical use, and I can try to evaluate it based on a practical use.
Austin: Sure. So, a bench. How do you feel about a bench?
Keith: I love it. That’s a great idea.
Austin: Okay. So, this is a bench.
Keith: Did you just come up with that?
Austin: Uh, yeah. I just— this is— I came up with this. This is the bench. This is the Jack Tower bench, constructed of...constructed of purpleheart and lemonkalli. I'll note, there is an asterik—asterisk—asterisk between every word in that sentence. Constructed asterisk of asterisk purpleheart asterisk and asterisk lemonkalli asterisk. Uh, five feet long, sixteen inches wide, eighteen inches high. So, as long as a person.
Ali: $12,000.
[0:15:18]
Keith: That’s gotta be over a grand, right? That’s gotta be more than a thousand dollars.
Ali: 12.
Austin: We got 12,000 from Ali. We got a grand from Keith. [Ali snorts]
Keith: No, no, no. I said mi— like, has to be over a thousand.
Austin: Okay, okay.
Keith: We can’t— we’re not even playing in the hundreds anymore.
Austin: We are not playing in the hundreds.
Ali: [chuckles] No.
Austin: I'll give you— that’s a gimme. [Sylvia sighs] As before, I'm going to send you a follow-up. Sylvia, do you have a guess here?
Sylvia: 2,000.
Keith: I'm gonna say 8,500.
Austin: So we have 2, 10,000, we have an 8,500. Alright. So, here’s— I'm gonna give you a follow-up here and see if this changes your thoughts. This might be an interesting one. [Ali chuckles] This is the Eye of—
Keith: This one’s half the size.
Austin: This is the Eye of Jupiter.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: It is constructed of lemonkalli wood with purpleheart edges. [Ali chuckles] It’s 3 feet long, 16 inches wide, 18 inches high. This piece is $9,500. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Wow. Oh my god. Well, then, the big bench has gotta be...it’s gotta be 17,000.
Austin: Any other guesses here?
Sylvia: Um...no, I'm just mad now. [Austin and Ali laugh]
Ali: 13,000?
Austin: Okay.
Ali: I've gone up a thousand.
Austin: You’ve gone up a thousand.
Ali: Uh huh.
Austin: Sylvia, no guesses 'cause of the anger?
Keith: I feel like Bernie Sanders guessing shoe price on Desus and Mero. [Austin laughs]
Sylvia: Yeah! [Ali laughs] [someone claps]
Austin: I will give you— this is a swerve, a little bit, to me.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: The Jack Tower bench—only $4,500.
Sylvia: Oh, only...
Keith: It’s less than this one.
Austin: It’s less—
Keith: Oh, so the lemonkalli must be the really expensive…
Ali: Oh.
Austin: The lemonkalli must be the expensive bit, and also, I think it’s called— it’s not called the Eye of Jupiter, a thing we would come up with as…
Keith: I was actually going to say that it’s the Ring of Saturn.
Austin: It’s the Ring of Saturn of…
Keith: It’s the [unclear, possibly “sequel or bootleg of” ??? 16:56] [Ali laughs]
Austin: Yes.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: It literally is. Just for fun, I'm gonna click on “Art” and cry, 'cause I have no idea what these are gonna be. [dismayed] Fuck off. [chuckles]
Keith: I just love the tone of somehow this person is saving the rainforest by charging so much for…
Austin: Uh huh.
Keith: This furniture. Okay, so that’s just a—
Ali: Oh, this is of course hard, yeah.
Austin: This is Standing Wooden Sculpture #7. 25 inches in diameter, 13 inches tall.
Sylvia: 15,000.
Keith: So this— so, they found a stump.
Austin: Yes.
Keith: And they cut a jig— they used like a jig to cut a weirdo puzzle piece…
Austin: Well, that is the natural— she’s polished down the edges of the stump.
Keith: Okay.
Ali: Uh, 820.
Austin: 8,000?
Ali: 800— no, no, no. $820.
Austin: $820. Okay.
Keith: No, 'cause you could make three fuckin’ bowls or some shit out of this. [Austin chuckles]
Ali: Yeah.
Austin: 8—
Keith: This is three bowls worth of wood.
Ali: This might be like—
Austin: But is that also less labor? But is also that less labor, these are the questions.
Keith: Mmm.
Ali: Well…
Keith: The labor is valueless to this person. The labor is not anything.
Austin: [chuckles] You’re right. I do believe this person does not value labor. [Ali laughs] I will give you— I will give you another one of these to, you know, give you the cost. This is an Annular Platter. Constructed of a cross-section of a rare purpleheart.
Keith: Oh.
Austin: So it’s like a shiny purpleheart, presumably. 22 inches in diameter. [Keith chuckles] This is $10,000.
Keith: It is shiny.
Ali: Oh. Then I think the...the big brick above it is… [chuckles]
Austin: Uh huh?
Ali: [sighs] Let’s say…
Keith: 7K.
Ali: Mmm...9,000.
Sylvia: I'm sticking with 15. I think this one’s gonna be a lot, but I'm happy to be wrong.
Keith: Well, that is...'cause if you’re paying, you might be paying for the actual shape of the tree.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: Maybe that costs extra.
Austin: Mmm. This is an interesting thought. [Ali chuckles]
Keith: Because if you—
Ali: 22,000.
Keith: 'Cause this platter here, which is—
Austin: Wow, you just jumped by… [Ali laughs, Sylvia gasps in horror]
Keith: Honestly, this platter...I think this platter is the best looking...like this is the closest thing to something that I think actually looks good.
Austin: Mm-hmm. Agreed.
Keith: I guess I like that first bench. It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that bench.
Austin: Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with that bench, yeah. But I did— it’s also not—
Keith: Well, I actually kind of like this fuckin’ plate here.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: But you know what it doesn’t look like? It doesn’t look as much like a tree, and really, isn’t that what I'm buying is the…
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: This person values the medium—
Austin: The tree, right.
Keith: More than…
Ali: Are we live yet?
Austin: No.
Ali: Okay. [laughs]
Keith: More than anything. [laughs] More than anything else by a mile, obviously.
Austin: No, we will go live in a moment, but I want this, because we’re gonna need to bleep this person’s name out, because—
Ali: Yeah.
Austin: They were on a panel with me.
Ali: Ah. [Keith, Sylvia, and Ali laugh]
Keith: I missed that part!
Ali: For the service we’re uploading this to!
Keith: I fucking missed—
Austin: [slowly] $25,000!
Ali: Wow!
Keith: For the tree shape.
Austin: For the tree stump.
Ali: What did I say? 22?
Austin: 22.
Ali: Did I say 20?
Keith: Wow.
Austin: $25,000.
Keith: So, I think my— I guessed—
Ali: I think I won.
Keith: I was way off, yeah. I was way off.
Austin: Yeah, you were way off.
Keith: But I think that...after my guess, my thing about valuing the medium more than anything that you could ever actually do with it is pretty spot on.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah. Alright. We will not walk through this person’s Instagram, but please know: you could! [Sylvia and Ali chuckle] Alright, I'm gonna go live.
Sylvia: I'm so glad we found another Panama hat person. [Ali laughs]
Austin: Yes, a hundred percent. It was wild to...I'm going live now.
Keith: What was the panel? I know that you already talked about this.
Austin: I was on a panel this weekend at Assembly? I'm also gonna post this to Patreon and then to Twitter. It was...
Keith: This person’s web shop, you mean, you’re gonna post. [chuckles]
Austin: I was at— right, yeah. [chuckles] There was a place called Assembly— or, there was an event, a Patreon event, called assembly this weekend, for people who run Patreons in a couple of cities in the states I believe. And it was like...I was on a panel with like someone who does a true crime podcast and someone who does like an MST3K-style podcast. It was like answering questions about process and growth and...you know, community and shit like that, and then answering Q&A from the audience. That part of it was really— when it was like 45 minutes of doing that, and that’s not any time to answer questions about this thing we’ve been doing for years? [chuckles] So, that was easy. And then there was like some good networking in terms of like talking to people who were cool, and like— again, I met— there’s a great rapper named Sammus who makes kind of like...I guess what we would call like second or third wave nerdcore where it’s like not corny anymore?
Sylvia: Yeah, it’s like actually good.
Austin: It’s actually just good rap music.
Keith: They got the corny out of it?
Austin: They did.
Keith: How did they get the corny out?
Austin: You get people who can rap.
Ali: [overlapping] [giggles] It took a couple years.
Austin: Yeah, you get people who can rap, and...she and her husband were like two of the only Black people there, and so it was good to be like, “Hmm, this is some Brooklyn white shit, isn’t it?” and, yep! [chuckles] Tips at the Table now. Sorry, I had to do this tweet before I think more. Boom. So, yeah, it was overall good. Did I lose connection? I did. That’s really funny.
Keith: Oh, I didn’t realize that we’d gone live.
Austin: Before the tweet went out.
Keith: How’s everybody else?
Ali: I'm doing okay. I'm just gonna— if Austin comes back, I'm just gonna make sure my family acknowledges that I am working. [chuckles]
Keith: Okay.
Ali: ‘Cause I...they have just left, and I just wanna check.
Keith: God, stuff like that, stuff like the plates and whatever, it makes me feel so much better about the stupid shit I spend money on.
Sylvia: Yeah! Absolutely! Like…
Keith: I'm like, oh wow, I am so within a normal range of buying things.
Sylvia: [chuckles] I'm not spending $25,000 on a gentrified stump.
Keith: I— that’s the thing! I could go make that stump. I could do that.
Sylvia: And it’s pretty! Like, it’s a pretty stump.
Keith: Yeah, sure.
Sylvia: I don’t got anything against it.
Keith: But the camp— the day camp— the nature day camp that I went to as a kid had shit like that that they made themselves.
Ali: Well, this specifically— you missed the first part of the story, which was that she was working for like...she was working for a company that was making special wood things from the Navy from special wood, and then she like went to [chuckles] South America to like get the wood.
Keith: To like steal their wood.
Ali: Right.
Austin: Hello, I'm back. I'm back, I'm back.
Ali: Hi. [laughs]
Keith: Hi!
Austin: Remarkable timing on that. I literally hit “Tweet” and then lost connection. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Ugh.
Austin: Hopefully that’s the—
Keith: But the difference is—
Austin: It gets it out of the way.
Keith: Sorry, not for you, Austin. I'm still yelling about this wood.
Austin: Yes.
Keith: The difference is like...I don't value the special rare wood. I could go make that fuckin’ jigsaw thing out of a maple tree, and it would look the same.
Austin: Yeah.
Ali: But you’re not her customer. [laughs]
Keith: Right. I mean, if I was, I wouldn’t be yelling that I could do this. [chuckles]
Ali: Yeah, fair. [Austin groans]
Keith: I don’t think anybody has ever meant it as much as I mean it now, which is: this isn’t art, I could just do that. [Ali chuckles]
Austin: God.
Keith: Nope!
Ali: One of her instagram posts: “The healing properties of the jungle are very strong, and my intention is [Keith gags] for you to feel both the energy and the life that comes from this magnificent hothouse. Made from nature by hel— nature herself with your worry egg. [Austin laughs] Each egg comes with an individual—” [chuckles]
Keith: Oh my god.
Ali: “—box with a note explaining its uses and a handwritten quote about the rainforest.”
Keith: Oh my god.
Austin: Thanks.
Keith: Can I—
Sylvia: Well that’s usually my problem, is when I get an egg they don’t tell me how to use it. [Austin and Ali laugh]
Austin: You don’t know how to use it.
Keith: Can I share an analogue?
Sylvia: So, I'm glad they’re including instructions.
Austin: God.
Keith: Can I share an analogue to this from my own life?
Austin: Yeah, please.
Sylvia: Absolutely.
Keith: My fam—
Austin: Also, I think we’re back to being live now, actually.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Actually.
Keith: I'm always looking for new places to try tea from, and I found this website called Wild Tea Chi. And at no point did I think “Oh, this is maybe a place to buy tea.” I just clicked on the link. And I went to see what kind of tea they were selling, and here’s how you can find tea on their website. Most places, it’ll be like, “Here’s a list of all the black tea. Here’s a list of all the oolong tea. Here’s a list of all the green tea.” Here, it’s, “Shop by farmers. Shop by five elements. Shop by four seasons. Shop by emotions.”
Ali: Mmm.
Austin: Love it.
Keith: There is no way [chuckles] to just see all of the green tea. You have to see like, well, I guess I want a focused— [Austin chuckles] oh, no, I probably want a playful tea. [Ali laughs]
Austin: Ooh.
Keith: Are there any green teas that are also playful teas?
Austin: [laughs] Perfect.
Ali: I appreciate that so much more than tea companies that are like, shop by a health thing that you want the tea to do that it probably won’t.
Keith: Oh, sorry, that’s the five elements, is…
Ali: Oh. Sure, yeah. Okay.
Austin: Ohh.
Ali: Fair enough.
Keith: Sorry, “Metal element tea for kidney and bladder.”
Austin: Gotcha. Okay. [Ali laughs]
Keith: “Wood element tea for heart and small intestine.”
Sylvia: Okay.
Keith: “Water element tea for liver and gallbladder. Fire element tea for stomach and spleen.”
Ali: [dismayed] Oooh.
Keith: “Earth element tea for lungs and large intestines.” And, you know… [Ali chuckles] I don’t wanna...if you...this stuff is used to sell tea in a way that is pretty much always dishonest.
Ali: Mmm.
Keith: There is no like...there are people who, you know, maybe feel that there are five elements that they connect to their kidney, bladder, heart, small intestine, stomach, spleen, liver, gallbladder, lungs, and large intestine.
Austin: Yeah, uh huh.
Keith: But they are not the people that sell these kind— that run these kinds of sites and sell like really gaudy teapots for, you know, $1,200. [Ali chuckles]
Austin: God. What a scam.
Keith: Yeah, total scam.
Austin: Love it. [chuckles]
Keith: Lot of scam in tea.
Austin: Lot of scam in the world. We should clap. We should do a clap.
Ali: Oh, sure. 35?
Austin: Sounds good.
Keith: Sure.
Sylvia: Sure.
Keith: Oh, oh, oh. Sorry. [one person claps]
Ali: Not recording?
Keith: “Dear valued customer, congratulations.”
Ali: Oh. [laughs]
Keith: “You are one of the 100 users we have selected. You can receive an [shouting] Apple iPhone XS!” What?!
Austin: What— that’s not— wait, are you getting ads on t—
Keith: Time.is! Time.is redirected me to this!
Austin: [dismayed] No!
Ali: Oh my god!
Keith: In the middle of...in the middle of trying to get ready for the clap.
Austin: No!
Ali: Wow.
Austin: Alright, well, I'm gonna send you a new link. Time.is/just is where we gotta go here.
Ali: Really?
Austin: That’s the safe one. There’s no ads.
Ali: I guess I had my like adblocker on time.is. [chuckles] Sorry, time.is.
Austin: Damn. You’re costing them money.
Ali: Yeah. 10 seconds?
Keith: 10?
Ali: 15?
Austin: 15. Uh, uh...15.
Ali: 10— 15. [chuckles]
Austin: Let’s keep it safe. Let’s keep it safe. [Ali chuckles]
[They clap out of sync]
Austin: Mmm…
Keith: Mmm…
Ali: [chuckles] 25.
Austin: 25. [chuckles]
[pause, then clap]
Austin: Okay.
Keith: That was a much better one.
Sylvia: I think I did great. [Austin chuckles]
[musical transition 0:27:39]
Austin: Good answer! [Ali laughs, someone applauds] Oh, that’s a different thing. I cannot stop watching Steve Harvey—
Jack: Oh, it’s so good. [Keith and Jack laugh]
Austin: Not know what Fortnite is. That clip is from like January or something, but I don’t care.
Jack: It’s dropping with the boys.
Austin: Dropping with the boys.
Ali: I watched it last night.
Art: Did you see my follow-up link?
Austin: No.
Art: Which is Steve Harvey standing next to fuckin’ Ninja?
Austin: Oh my god.
Ali: [sighs] Oh, I did see that.
Keith: At this point, does Steve Harvey know what Fortnite is?
Austin: Steve Harvey knew what Fortnite was then.
Keith: You think so?
Ali: Oh, oh oh oh oh oh!
Austin: Right?
Ali: Oh. Family Feud news is that I belive the Bella family is gonna be on Celebrity Family Feud this weekend?
Austin: Ooh. Up against who?
Art: What iteration of the Bella family? Which five? Who are the five?
Ali: Um…Nikki, Bri, probably the brother, the mom, and then there’s probably another one.
Keith: Who is this?
Art: Is it the brother’s wife?
Austin: Wrestling family.
Ali: I don't know.
Keith: Okay, got it.
Art: Mmm.
Austin: Well, that’s a...yeah. Yeah, wrestling family. I'll say it. [chuckles]
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: Thanks for joining us on our episode. It’s not a… [Ali and Jack chuckle] It’s not a podcast about American quiz shows, it’s a podcast specifically about Family Feud.
Austin: Yep!
Keith: It’s a podcast about eight months worth of Family Feud news.
Ali: I watch an hour of Family Feud every day, so.
Austin: Honestly? Congrats, like… [Ali chuckles]
Jack: You’re our expert!
Austin: That sounds okay to me.
Keith: Why?
Austin: Is there any other game show in the mix?
Ali: Um, I also watch Let’s Make a Deal in the morning.
Keith: I like Wheel.
Austin: Ohh.
Ali: And Wayne Brady is killing that show.
Austin: Is that Wayne Brady? That’s a Wayne Brady joint now.
Ali: [chuckles] Yeah, it’s a Wayne Brady joint. And one of the...he’s with like two other comedians, and I'm not sure if the other dude was also used to be on…
Austin: Whose Line.
Ali: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Keith: No, Wayne Brady is the only one of those people that Hollywood cares about.
Austin: [sighs] Yeah, but that’s also—
Keith: Including Drew Cary.
Art: Do you mean the guy who does like the music?
Austin: [chuckles] Wait, who—
Ali: Wait, what’s up?
Art: Do you mean the guy who does like the music?
Ali: No, that’s...something with a K. There’s the redheaded dude who looks like he could have been on that show.
Austin: Uh…
Ali: He looks like the other tall dude on that show, but he’s not that dude. [chuckles]
Austin: Jonathan Mag— Mangum? Jonathan Mangum? Is it that guy?
Ali: That’s Whose—
Art: That’s who I meant as the music guy.
Austin: Okay.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: I don't know who it is.
Ali: He’s— [chuckles] [typing] Who’s on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Austin: Wikipedia doesn’t— hmm.
Keith: You’re talking about Colin Mochrie. You’re talking about—
Ali: I am.
Austin: Oh, is he on Let’s Make a Deal?
Keith: I don’t think so, no.
Ali: No.
Austin: Oh. And not the other one.
Keith: Ryan Stiles is the other guy. Ryan Stiles. And then sometimes—
Art: Ryan Stiles is on Let’s Make a Deal?
Keith: No, Ryan—
Austin: No. [Ali laughs]
Keith: We’re talking about who’s on Whose Line.
Austin: Third base! [Keith, Ali, and Jack laugh]
Keith: And then—
Art: I would watch both those people on Let’s Make a Deal, for the record. [Austin chuckles]
Keith: Who’s the guy that I actually think is the funniest one of those guys? Greg pr
Austin: Greg Proops.
Keith: Yeah, Greg Proops, yeah.
Austin: Greg Proops is the one you think is the funniest. It’s bad that we— we know each other really— we’ve been doing this show for a long time! [chuckles]
Ali: Yeah!
Austin: [laughing] That I know your favorite Who’s Line is it Anyway comedian.
Keith: Yeah, well. I mean, I also think: obvious choice, Greg Proops.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: As, you know.
Ali: Wait, who’s who? I don't know, we don’t have to do this.
Keith: Greg Proops is the guy that looks like, uh...shit, who’s the guy that he looks like? Or at least reminds me of.
Art: The guy who looks like shit! [Ali chuckles]
Keith: The guy that played Dex. Who’s the guy that played Dex?
Ali: Who’s the tall one?
Keith: He’s in Bob’s Burgers now.
Austin: That’s—
Keith: That’s Ryan Stiles.
Austin: Colin Macherie. No, that’s Ryan Stiles. Ryan Stiles.
Art: No, Ryan Stiles is...
Austin: Colin Mocherie is bald and…
Ali: Oh, okay.
Art: The one that was on Drew Cary.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: He was actually on— yes.
Ali: Oh! Oh.
Austin: And the other guy. Who’s the other guy from Drew Cary who I always like didn’t understand why he wasn’t on Whose Line?
Keith: Oswald.
Austin: Yeah, why’s Oswald not on— why was Oswald never on Whose Line?
Art: That dude’s super rich. He like—
Austin: Oh!
Art: His dad invented scotch tape or something, so like, he might only have to do what he wants to do.
Austin: [overlapping] Yes! Wait, have we done this? Have we done this before? Have we gone down this rabbit hole before?
Keith: No. But I mean—
Austin: Diedrich Bader?
Keith: Uh…
Austin: He— we have. Or maybe this group hasn’t, but, but, but—
Keith: But!
Austin: His patrilineal great grandfather was Edward Lawrence Bader, who was the mayor of Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Keith: Right, Diedrich Bader.
Austin: And the local airport where I'm from is called Bader Field, named after Diedrich Bader’s great grandfather. So the guy from Drew Cary’s great grandfather has a airport named after him from where I'm from.
Keith: That is so weird.
Austin: When I moved to Canada, I flew out of that airport. [Ali snorts]
Keith: Although, to be fair, Nick Kroll is also super rich, and he’s on Netflix or whatever.
Austin: Wait, is Nick Kroll super rich?
Keith: Nick Kroll’s parents are like...like hedge fund managers or some shit.
Ali: Ugh.
Keith: Yeah, it’s...it makes his asshole guy persona a lot less funny. [Ali laughs]
Art: And it’s he and Amy Schumer are both related to shitty New York senator Chuck Schumer?
Austin: [surprised] Are they?
Keith: Oh, really? I knew Amy Schumer was.
Ali: Wait, they both are?
Art: Amy Schumer is a hundred percent, same last name. I thought Nick Kroll was. I thought that Nick Kroll and Amy Schumer were like cousins or something, but…
Austin: [sarcastic surprise] Same last name and a relation?
Art: Yeah, uh huh.
Ali: [chuckles] You don’t often see that. [Austin and Jack laugh]
Austin: What’s their relation to Chuck?
Art: It’s not like close.
Austin: Second cousin. Third cousin?
Ali: Oh, I should— I don't know his full name.
Austin: No, okay. Her dad—second cousin to Chuck Schumer.
Keith: So she’s second cousin once removed.
Ali: Wow.
Austin: Is that how that works?
Keith: [very confident] Yes.
Austin: Okay.
Jack: Spoken extremely confidently.
Keith: Yes. And if it’s not true, I'll cut off my pinky.
Ali: Wow.
Jack: Wow!
Ali: [excited] Oh, I can’t wait to read Kiryu’s blog tonight. Okay, let’s start. [chuckles]
Keith: Oh, is this not just what we’re doing?
Austin: Wait, whose blog? [Keith laughs]
Jack: Kiryu?
Austin: Oh, Kiryu’s blog?
Ali: So, Yakuza 3 released today.
Austin: Yeah.
Ali: Surprise, it’s released today. And Kiryu has a blog in that game? [chuckles]
Austin: That’s very cute and good. [Ali chuckles] What if we just stream that instead of doing…what if we just streamed that and then said that was Bluff City?
Keith: Okay, so—
Ali: Download it. Let’s go. [Austin chuckles]
Keith: Here’s where I am. I played 0 and loved it, after playing 1—original 1, not the remake—which I didn’t love. And I'm debating whether to play— also I loved Judgement. I'm debating whether to go to the remake of 1 and try that out or just skip the 1 and 2.
Ali: I would watch all of the cutscenes that you missed from the remake of 1.
Austin: Mmm.
Ali: And then play 2, 'cause it’s honestly pretty good.
Austin: There’s a Kiwami 2 , right?
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Yeah.
Austin: Yeah.
Ali: And I think that like closer you get to games that were written...you know, more recently, they’re gonna get better. 'Cause like, Yakuza 1 is just horseshit.
Keith: Thank you! [laughs]
Ali: They added all of that stuff to like make it better, but it’s just like a horrid game.
Keith: Ugh, thank god that someone has said that to me, finally. [Ali laughs]
Austin: God. Alright.
Ali: It’s okay. Okay, yeah.
[ending music]
[1] The name in the audio recording is no longer in use, hence the audio/transcript discrepancy.