Transcriber: norveir
Art: I'm going to settle this because I'm looking around at what I can get delivered to my hotel here. And I'm going to order from New York Pizza Department, here on the Postmates, [cross] yeah, here in Phoenix.
Keith: [cross] It’s a good lookin’ pie.
Janine: Sorry, the New York Pizza Department?
Art: New York Pizza Department.
Jack and Dre: Yeah…
Sylvia: Oh, the NYPD? [Keith and Art laugh]
Jack: There is a…
Dre: I feel like I saw a restaurant called NYPD, not in Joshua Tree, but in the little town outside of it.
Keith: [cross] Oh, weird.
Jack: [cross] There is a pizza place in Ann Arbor called NYPD, and it's really good, which makes its name all the worse.
Austin: I hate it. I hate it.
Jack: You can't have really good pizza and call yourself NYPD. It's not allowed.
Keith: Unfortunately, shitheads can make good pizza. There’s nothing stopping them.
Jack: Yeah, they need to figure out how to stop them doing that. [Keith and Jack laugh]
Art: I think, yeah, unfortunately, yeah, I think there's a rich tradition of shithead cop-loving in the New York pizza world.
Austin: [cross] Yeah. For sure.
Keith: [cross] Yeah, yeah, sure, I believe that.
Austin: There's cheese in this pizza that you posted.
Ali: Oh, the…
Keith: It's few and far between.
Ali: …the exposed tomato sauce is part of it.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Right, well it’s just the tomato sauce is on top.
Keith: [cross] You think so?
Ali: [cross] Sometimes it's like, striped.
Sylvia: Yeah!
Keith: Oh, I've seen the stripes, yeah, I’ve seen the stripes. This just feels like an offshoot of what is big in Philadelphia and Rhode Island, the church pie or the tomato pie that we've talked about. The red bread. Party pizza, we call it.
Austin: Oh, right, right, right, sure, sure.
Keith: Uh, where it's like, cold slices, they're a thinner Sicilian style and it's just like sauce with like, some parmesan on top and that's it.
Sylvia: Mm.
Austin: Mm-hm.
Keith: That's definitely cheese, that’s full of cheese.
Austin: Yeah. Keith, yours looks more like a Detroit slice, [cross] is actually what it looks like…
Sylvia: [cross] Yeah! It is!
Austin: [cross] …but it looks thinner.
Keith: [cross] It looks like a Detroit slice but it's not.
Austin: It’s not?
Keith: Yeah. No, it’s not, it’s like…
Sylvia: It’s got the right pepperoni and everything for it though!
Keith: I mean, maybe you're looking at the wrong thing, I'll show you, [cross] this is the one I’m thinking of…
Sylvia: [cross] The one you sent!
Keith: …Oh, no, that's my, that's my buddy’s pizza.
Sylvia: [cross] Ohhh, I was talking about your buddy’s pizza.
Austin: [cross] That’s what I’m talking about. I’m saying your buddy’s has a sort of Detroit style.
Keith: Oh, it does have a sort of Detroit style, for sure.
Sylvia: That is Detroit style pizza, 100%.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Sorry, the second thing I was talking about was this, that I just sent.
Sylvia: [cross] This, I don’t know what this is.
Austin: [cross] Oh, this is the…
Keith: This is party pizza.
Sylvia: I’ll tell you, this is something I don't want, is what this is.
Austin: [cross] This is the opposite of what Art’s mother-in-law wants, this is literally…
Keith: [cross] This is church pie, this is red bread, this is…gravy pie.
Sylvia: Church bread?
Art: Yeah.
Keith: [cross] Church - yeah, church pie, tomato pie, red bread, party pizza.
Sylvia: [cross] Those are called communion wafers and they are the body of Christ. [Jack laughs]
Keith: I think it's big in Quebec too.
Sylvia: That would not shock me.
Austin: The church, yeah.
Janine: Yeah, they love church.
Keith: [laughs] It's not called church pie because they love church!
Sylvia: You sure?
Keith: It’s because they serve cold pizza after church.
Austin: ‘Cause they love church so much! Why do you think they’re eating after church?
Keith: [cross] [laughing] ‘Cause they! Okay, sure. Well, the people who call it church pie love church.
Art: [cross] Yeah, people who don’t love church don’t eat the after-church snack.
Keith: But that’s why there’s so many other names for all the non-church-loving, y’know, you gotta call it party pizza if you don’t like, uh, church.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: That sounds like you’re tricking me into going to church, though.
Austin: I think you’re -- yeah, you’re like ‘oh come over to -- yeah, I’m having a party on Sunday morning.’
Keith: Oh is it like the Super Bowl commercials, what were those about? The like, uh…
Austin: The what commercials?
Keith: The church—like, tricking people into thinking God’s cool. In the—during the Super Bowl. I didn’t watch the Super Bowl so I only heard about it after. There were like, there were like…
Austin: Oh, there’s like an ongoing series of these commercials about how God was the first cool guy.
Keith: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was a…
Janine: [cross] God or Jesus?
Austin: [cross] Jesus. Y’know, sorry, you can’t take the Catholic out of me.
Keith: [cross] …I first heard about it as...Jesus, right.
Janine: Oh, that’s patently not true!
Keith: [laughing] Right, they’re the same -- [gruff voice] Well, they're fundamentally the same, Janine. [Art laughs]
Austin: But I want to be clear, it's like... It's... the commercials are like...not just cool guy, but like criminal. [Sylvi laughs] It's like the, the ads are like, ‘you thought you could judge a book by its cover’ and it's like, people doing graffiti and like, a bunch of people from, you know, a bunch of Black and Latino people doing, getting up to no good. Well, it turns out they're not getting up to no good. They're getting up to handin’ out bibles and giving people cookies.
Sylvia: [cross] Ohhh. I thought it was the…
Austin: [cross] It's like that. And then it's like, Jesus would be one of them.
Keith: Throwing a big ad that says, ‘Jesus Christ loved heroin.’
Sylvia: Yo, he’d be cooler if he did.
Dre: Yeah!
Austin: It's called—this new series of ads is called ‘He Gets Us.’ That's what it’s called.
Jack: Oh my god. [Keith laughs]
Sylvia: I don’t think he does!
Dre: Oh, those fuckin’ things! [cross] They’ve been around forever and they’re the worst.
Sylvia: [cross] Who let them cook?
Jack: This is exactly the kind of thing that will produce a 48-page detour in Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose. As everyone is like, ‘was God cool?’ and then they all discuss it for ages.
Dre: Jack, wait until you find out about the foot fetish episode they aired during the Super Bowl.
Jack: The fuck? What? I don't want to hear about this. Let's make Friends at the Table.
Janine: Wait, the foot fetish episode of Name of the Rose?
Austin: For Jesus? Of ‘He Gets Us’?
Dre: Yeah, yeah. It was like, [Art: Oh, yes!] it was everybody, it was commercials of like two opposite people, [Austin: Oh right, yes.] so it was like, a cop washing the foot of a Black protestor.
[Heavy cross chatter]
Keith: [cross] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that.
Art: [cross] But it was all AI generated.
Sylvia: [cross] Oh, okay. I thought it was like, Jesus would have been on Wikifeet too!
Dre: Yep.
Sylvia: I thought it was that kind of thing.
Austin: Yeah. Last year CNN wrote it up by saying, [reading] ‘the campaign is arresting, portraying the pivotal figure of Christianity [Dre makes a disgusted groan] as an immigrant, a refugee, a radical, an activist for women's rights and a bulwark against racial injustice and political corruption.’
Sylvi: Cringe…
Austin: ‘The ‘He Gets Us’ website features content about, about of-the-moment topics like artificial intelligence and social justice,’ quote, “whatever you're facing, Jesus faced it too.” I don't think that’s true.
Janine: [shouting] Jesus did not face artificial intelligence!
Dre: No. Also, like, none of the stuff on their website is anything. [Austin: Of course, of course.] It is the most, like, mealy-mouthed bullshit. It is a church that puts on their website, “Everyone is welcome,” but refuses to say the word “gay people.”
Austin: Huh?! Sorry—
Keith: Isn’t this—I think this is just a PragerU shingle, also.
Austin: Of course it is, of course it is, of course it is.
Dre: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think Hobby Lobby money is in there, too.
Austin: Sorry, sorry, I just did a search, though, for ‘He Gets Us’ and this—well, yeah, my featured link is different.
Keith: Are they pouring oil on to the floor of… or is this water?
Sylvia: That’s water.
Keith: It looked like it maybe was oil.
Austin: That’s water.
Keith: Okay, it’s water.
Austin: I mean that would be appropriate, right? You anoint with oil.
Keith: It’s still—yeah, it’s still weird to pour water on the floor of the hallway at school.
Sylvia: I don’t know how else to describe it, but this thumbnail has such Wattpad energy.
Austin: This page. Oh, it 100% does, you’re not wrong. This whole page has multiple such images.
Keith: I’m imagining—I hit play, and what happens is we see the pouring of the water, someone walks by, slips on the water, and breaks their coccyx.
Austin: Right, uh-huh.
Jack: Wow. That’s gotta suck, to break your coccyx, especially in a commercial. ‘Cus then the commercial becomes about that, it’s very embarrassing. I was just signed on to do a Jesus foot fetish commercial and now I’m in the hospital.
Keith: Yeah, imagine you accidentally get seriously injured on set, filming a commercial, and they air that take. They air the take you ruined by really hurting yourself. [Laughing] And it just says, ‘Look at This Guy’, they erase ‘He Gets Us.’
Ali: And then you get an Emmy before Leonardo DiCaprio.
Austin: Wow.
Jack: Wow… Leonardo DiCaprio’s first Emmy.
Ali: [laughing] Wait, he wants an Oscar, right? Sorry.
Keith: He does not, yeah, I don’t think he wants an Emmy.
Ali: [cross] Think about it, maybe he could get an Emmy.
Austin: [cross] Him getting an Emmy would be so choice though, he’d be so pissed.
Jack: He’s won an Oscar—he has already won an Oscar, though.
Keith: He’s already mad about having to stoop to television.
Austin: Right, I guess he has, okay.
Jack: I think he got one for The Revenant or something.
Sylvia: I think so. I saw The Revenant in theaters with my mom. [cross] That was stressful.
Jack: [cross] Is it good?
Sylvia: It’s fine.
Dre: It’s stressful.
Keith: Is that the one where he gets eaten by wolves or something?
Austin: [cross] Bear.
Jack: [cross] No, he fights a bear.
Sylvia: It’s just a bear attack, Tom Hardy’s there…
Art: He fights a bear. [cross] Liam Neeson kills bears. Kills wolves.
Keith: [cross] Tom Hardy’s the bear?
Sylvia: No, Tom Hardy’s… I mean, maybe metaphorically, but…
Keith: Is he talkin’ normal now, in that one, or talkin’ weird still?
Sylvia: Oh, no, he’s talkin’ real weird. Tom Hardy’s never talkin’ normal.
Keith: Yes! Yes! If I can understand Tom Hardy in a movie [gruff voice] something’s gone wrong. [laughing]
Sylvia: You shouldn’t be watching that movie.
Jack: All-time great weird voice man. All-time great weird voice man. I love to see a movie where a guy shows up and he’s got a weird face, or he’s got a weird voice, and if the movie doesn’t have one of those, you’ve messed up—what’s the point? Coen Brothers are great because they do this every time and they do both of them.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Should we clap?
Art: That’s why they love Steve Buscemi, he’s got both.
Jack: Yeah, and uh, Javier Bardem.
Art: Yeah.
Keith: Two massive talents!
Art: [cross] They’re great at finding the double threat.
Ali: [cross] Can we clap? Or else, I’m gonna start talking about Dune.
Sylvia: Oh, man.
Austin: [cross] Did you see the second one yet?
Dre: [cross] Let’s clap, let’s clap!
Jack: We gotta clap, we gotta clap.
Sylvi: [cross] I haven’t seen it yet, so we gotta clap.
Austin: [cross] I have the first one up in my browser.
Dre: 25.
Art: [laughing] We better be pretty far from 25—[jumbled clapping] nope.
Sylvia: Nope. [erupts with laughter]
Janine: That was not…
Keith: What?
Ali: 35.
[synchronized clap]
Austin: I hit 25. [cross] That was a clap.
Jack: [cross] That was beautiful.
Keith: [cross] I feel like it’s only right that I read Dune finally, after owning it for 23 years.
Sylvia: What are you redoin’?
Austin: Well, shut the fuck up.
Keith: Read Dune?
Austin: Shut the fuck up.
Jack: Austin, say it. Say the words, Austin.
Austin: “Be a yardstick of quality.”
Jack: No! Not those ones! [laughing]
Austin: “Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected. - Steve Jobs.”
Ali: Wow.
Austin: He sucks, that’s not even a time quote. That’s—nothing about that is a time quote. Nothing.
Sylvia: That’s weird, my quote is “More like Dune your mom - Frank Herbert.” Um… Weird.
[laughter]
Austin: He did say that.
Art: Wow.
Keith: Yeah, this is maybe the least time-related quote I’ve ever seen on here.
Jack: “Be a yardstick of quality?” Fuck are you talking about?
Ali: [cross] Do you just not want to do this today? [laughing]
Sylvia: [cross] I don’t know, I really don’t know.
Austin: [cross] I’ve got the words, I’ve got the words.
[Art laughs]
[Transition jingle plays]
Janine: [fade-in] …fight guy, who was just always naked.
Dre: Is Baki a caveman?
Austin: I don’t think he’s a caveman, no.
Janine: And then… and then, he was just like “Woah, I can fight this guy?” and they were like in fight-love. It was really gross, it was just so upsetting. [laughing]
Austin: That makes sense. Troy Baker voices Baki.
Sylvia: Eugh, that’s the worst part of this.
Janine: Gross.
Austin: It’s the worst part of it. It’s the worst part of it.
Dre: [Sighing] Which one’s Troy Baker?
Sylvia: Oh, he’s the man in The Arena.
Janine: He’s the one with the guitar.
Austin: [laughing] That’s right.
Dre: None of this is helping me differentiate between—
Sylvia: Joel from The Last of Us.
Dre: —okay, thank you.
Austin: Uh, yeah, you got it. The person, Janine, who, on the left here, is Pickle.
[laughing]
Dre: Looks like Pickles the Caveman.
Austin: He is a primitive man found perfectly preserved in saline rock formation, hence he is Pickle. This giant humanoid lived originally—
Sylvia: Hold up.
Austin: —in the Jurassic/Cretaceous area—er, area? Jesus—era.
Sylvia: This is that Seth Rogan mini-series, or movie? I don’t remember if it was a movie or a mini-series. This is An American Pickle.
Dre: [laughing] Jesus Christ.
Austin: Is that what we’re calling it?
Sylvia: That’s what that movie—or, that, I don’t know if it’s a movie or not.
Austin: Or is it… is it…
Dre: American Vandal. American Vandal is the movie that Sylvi’s riffing on I think.
Sylvia: No, American Pickle is a real thing.
Dre: Is it?
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: It is.
Dre: What?
Austin: Yeah.
Sylvia: I saw—I swear to God I just saw commercials for it everywhere in 2020.
Austin: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah, [reading] “Seth Rogen is an Eastern European Jewish immigrant who gets preserved in a vat of pickles and wakes up a century later in modern-day New York City, attempting to fit in with the assistance of his last remaining descendant (also played by Rogen).” I thought you were suggesting that it was a… what’s the Pauly Shore?
Janine: Encino Man?
Austin: Encino Man.
Sylvia: [cross] Oh, no, I’ve never seen Encino Man.
Austin: [cross] I thought you were talking about Encino Man. Brendan Fraser—
Sylvia: I’ve seen Eco-Dome [sic].
Austin: —one of the Brendan Fraser flicks, where he plays a guy who isn’t from around here, and has to get used to being around Los Angeles.
Sylvia: Yeah. He plays a Canadian. [laughs]
Austin: [laughing] Yeah, he’s Encino Man from Encino, Ontario.
Sylvia: Yeah, yeah.
Janine: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Austin: Different than George in the Jungle [sic], where he’s just a Tarzan.
Art: And then this sort of peaks at MonkeyBone, where he plays a cartoon character who takes over a person.
Austin: Oh, is that what happens in that?
Art: Oh, yeah, sorry, spoilers. I mean, I think this was the trailer, but yeah.
Janine: [laughing slightly] Ugh, this is all so—what is wrong with this show?
Austin: You know, people have thoughts about bodies.
Janine: Oh, is this how—this is how normal people feel about like…
Dre: You?
Janine: Fuckin’, uh, uh… wow.
Sylvi: Whoa.
Dre: The Ents and the shit that we do? [laughing]
Janine: Like, Tomie and Amigara Fault [Austin and Sylvia: Yeah.], and like Junji Ito stuff, like this is…
Sylvia: No, this is like, this must be what my mom feels like when she sees a Cronenberg movie, is like.
Dre: Junji Ito makes me feel bleugh sometimes, so… I think it’s well-established that I’m the babiest amongst us when it comes to gross things.
Austin: I’m spoilering this. This is presumably from the sex scene.
Dre: [bursts out laughing]
Austin: But it is like a full-body x-ray kiss.
Sylvia: That is so fucking funny.
Austin: It’s so funny.
Dre: Good thing you spoilered that, it’s way too erotic.
Janine: That’s hilarious.
Austin: It’s very erotic, it’s very, it’s extremely…
Sylvia: [cross] I love the eyelids that are still visible.
Austin: [cross] The eyelids are still visible.
Art: Is there an x-ray that shows, yeah, your brain but not your tongue?
Austin: Yeah, but only when you’re fuckin’. [cross] It doesn’t work otherwise.
Sylvia: [cross] You can see tongue, you can see tongue. Zoom in.
Janine: [cross] Yeah, it’s sort of an MRI thing.
Dre: Oh yeah, you can see tongue.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Dre: They’re like fused together.
Janine: I find it creepy that her eyes are open.
Sylvia: Yeah, me too.
Dre: There are two, sort of.
Art: Shouldn’t his lungs be here?
Sylvia: No, they’re lower.
Dre: They’re lower.
Sylvia: [cross] He’s built different.
Dre: [cross] His lungs are enormous.
Austin: [cross] Uh, yeah, he has a fucked up body, and I was going to say that like as a joke, but then I thought about it, I think that’s part of the pitch, isn’t it?
Sylvia: I have no idea.
Austin: I think he literally has a fucked up body, I think that’s truly part of it, is he has extra bones or something.
Sylvia: [bursts into laughter] [cross] Wait, I think you’re right! I have heard that, hold on.
Janine: [cross] Extra muscles?
Austin: Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m thinking of a different thing.
Janine: I feel like he has stuff where he shouldn’t have stuff, that’s definitely true.
Austin: Yeah, but like, that’s like—I do think that that’s true…
Sylvia: He has extra—Countless Joints is a special fighting skill.
Austin: There we go. There it is, he has Countless Joints.
Dre: Oh.
Keith: Countless Joints.
Janine: Eww…
Sylvia: I don’t know if it’s the main guy who does it, but…
Austin: Oh, I’m not recording and I’m kind of glad I’m not recording, this is all too gross to say out loud.
Sylvia: I’m recording.
Art: Um… I think, with some effort, you could count those joints.
Austin: Count? Well, he makes new ones all the time. Maybe it’s like [cross] an on-going joint—
Art: [cross] Oh, I don’t like that idea.
Austin: He like, generates new joints.
Janine: That might be true.
Austin: That’s what I think it is.
Janine: Oh, it’s so nasty.
Keith: When he really needs a new joint, when things are really dire.
Jack: Hello. [Austin, Sylvia, and Janine: Hi.] I’m sorry I’m a little late. Are we talking about things being really dire?
Sylvia: [cross] We’re talking about gross anime.
Austin: [cross] Talkin’ about gross anime.
Jack: Ohh… I watched some Hunter x Hunter today for the first time in ages. It was great!
Dre: Yeah, that’s not gross at all.
Janine: That’s baby shit.
Austin: Yeah, that’s baby shit compared to [gruff] Baki the Grappler.
Jack: Woah, is there grappling in that?
Sylvia: There’s countless joints.
Austin: There’s countless joints.
Jack: Yikes. Yikes.
Austin: Oh, my God, do you want to see what his brain looks like?
Sylvia: [cross] Austin… yes, of course I do.
Keith: [cross] I can see it right now.
Austin: No, you have to look at it straight-on.
Sylvia: [shrieking and laughing]
Jack: Woah…
Janine: Ew, what!?
Sylvia: [clapping] Let’s go, Baki!
Austin: And, do you want to see something worse?
Sylvia: Yeah.
Janine: That’s not even how brains go.
Austin: Do you want to see his back?!
Sylvia: [cross] Yes, of course!
Keith: [cross] Does he have joints in his… in his brain?
Jack: [cross] Is it also gonna have a creepy face?
Austin: It sure is, it’s the same creepy face!
Janine: Yeah.
Sylvia: This is… Wait, I might need to watch this now, they might be cooking.
Dre: Damn.
Janine: [cross] This is so…
Keith: [cross] Is the back his abs?
Dre: [cross] You can see his neck, his back, his pussy, and his crack, and they’re all in the same spot.
Sylvia: It looks like… and it also looks like a chest-burster kind of.
Dre: It does, yeah.
Austin: He… how is the demon back used?
Jack: Yeah, great question, how is the demon back used? Here’s my proposal: it opens its horrible mouth, like the mummy in The Mummy, and just bites and lunges.
Austin: I’m just gonna… I need to read this cbr.com post for y’all. [reading] “How is the demon back used? So far, only three members of the Hanma family have been shown manifesting the Demon Face. The first to do it on screen was Yujiro Hamma in the original anime. His son, Baki, would eventually follow in his footsteps. Yuichiro Hanma, Yujiroi's father, also manifested the Face. Jack is the only male Hanma with an ordinary-looking back.” So far, so good.
Austin: [cont.] New paragraph. “Unfortunately, no one can have a Demon Face in real life. It's not a matter of how toned or muscular they are. It's anatomically impossible because the muscles needed to form such a visage don't exist.”
Jack: That’s what they say.
Austin: “The Demon face is also impossible because of its unique properties. When the user manifests it, their strength, speed, endurance, and durability are all multiplied. It's effectively a shonen anime power-up.” I don’t know who this was written for. I don’t know who was like “I gotta get a demon back!”
Keith: This is gotta… is it AI?
Sylvia: [cross] It’s gotta be.
Austin: [cross] It’s gotta be AI, right?
Dre: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Is this David…
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: [cross] It says it was Mark York, written last summer.
Jack: [cross] David Productions?
Sylvia: Oh, I hope not. I don’t think so.
Austin: What was your question?
Jack: Oh, is this David Productions?
Sylvia: It’s who made JoJo.
Austin: Yeah, right, right.
Jack: This, like, thick linework on some of these lines looks like them.
Keith: Big, beefy boys.
Janine: [cross] And the sheen, the plastic fleshness of it, yeah.
Sylvia: [cross] Uh, no. Group TAC is the… okay, the executive producer on this show is named Dynamite Tommy.
Austin: Great, great, great.
Jack: Whoa!
Sylvia: [cross] Oh, he’s a Japanese punk vocalist.
Austin: [cross] Look at this image.
Dre: [cross] You know what the back looks like? The back looks like the face from that Homestar Runner game Strong Bad Zone.
Sylvia: Oh my God, it does!
[Laughter]
Jack: Who is this, Austin, is this the director?
Austin: That’s Dynamite Tommy.
Sylvia: That’s Dynamite Tommy.
Jack: [cross] Who was the… Sylvi, who was the…
Austin: [cross] Oh, shit, Dynamite Tommy might fucking go. Hold up, this is also Dynamite Tommy. Shoutouts, Dynamite Tommy… Oh, my God, this band that Dynamite Tommy’s part of.
Sylvia: Huh, where? Yeah.
Austin: Oh my God.
Sylvi: And then this guy went on to be the executive producer of this… this anime.
Austin: Incredible.
Jack: Whoa.
Keith: [cross] Great work.
Art: [cross] The one in front.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, here’s all of them. Oh yeah, you’re… yeah, uh-huh.
Sylvia: [flat, droning] Your head a splode.
Jack: Oh my God, look at this!
Sylvia: That’s… I love this.
Keith: Do you think his head a splode in, uh, in whatever this show is called.
Austin: What, Baki the Grappler?
Sylvia: I assume someone’s head a splode. [groans]
Austin: [groaning] That’s a bad image, Janine. [Janine laughs] I hate it. It’s cursed. It’s so…
Janine: That’s what this show looks like when it’s being normal.
Austin: [cross] I know, it was nice to me actually.
Sylvia: [cross] Yeah, he looks like one of those influencers who got, like, trapezius implants or something.
Janine: Mm-hm.
Jack: [cross] This is what I would make aliens look like.
Austin: [cross] Oh, Drake?
Sylvia: Yeah. Yeah.
Jack: In a horrible movie about aliens.
Austin: Oh, it’s so bad.
Jack: Do people like this anime?
Sylvia: There’s a weirdly rabid fanbase.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Rabid’s a good word.
Jack: [cross] That shot of the guy…
Austin: [cross] Oh, it’s the villain who has too many bones, I think.
Sylvia: Oh.
Dre: I’m always saying this.
Keith: And by too many—is too many like when something has too much salt it’s not, it’s like…
Sylvia: His ability is Countless Joints.
Austin: Wait, no, cause it’s Bogie Woods, it’s a different guy.
Sylvia: Bogie Woods? Hold up.
Austin: Bogie Woods, alright, so I want you to look at this guy, you tell me how many bones you think this guy has.
Sylvi: Oh.
Keith: Well, I think it’s gotta be in the five hundreds, right?
Sylvia: I would say like… thousands.
Art: [cross] Are those extra teeth or are the standard number of teeth?
Keith: [cross] Cause normally there’s like 240 bones, right?
Art: What am I looking at here tooth-wise?
Sylvia: [cross] I’m gonna say 1,232 bones.
Austin: [cross] How many bones and how many joints? You said 1,200?
Jack: 5,000 bones.
Sylvia: 1,232.
Austin: Alright, here it is.
Sylvia: I’ve seen this image before.
Austin: 4,000 bones, 4,600 joints.
Keith: Ok, so Art’s right, it’s not countless. I could count that. It’s just very many.
Austin: It’s just very many.
Janine: He’s just made out of spines. [cross] That would be bad. Yeah, he would…
Austin: [cross] Yeah, this seems like it would be a weakness.
Sylvia: [cross] This is the guy who mocapped all the x-ray stuff from Mortal Kombat.
Jack: Oh, they got him involved!
Janine: You’d be so fucked.
Sylvia: Also, it has this vibe.
Janine: Oh, yeah.
Sylvia: Party city spider skeleton, but a human.
Jack: It’s the Tim Robinson bit, except he’s saying 500 bones, 500 spines, 100 nerves, [cross] 600 muscles.
Sylvia: [cross] Oh, no.
Jack: Who is this? Okay there, Austin?
Austin: [groaning] Ahhh, I don’t want to tell you what he does, but it’s the grossest thing you’ve ever heard of.
Sylvia: Oh, no.
Jack: Does he like dislocate his shit?
Austin: You couldn’t get there. I would pay a hundred, genuinely a hundred dollars to anyone who could get to what he does.
Keith: To what this Donald Trump does?
Austin: Well, no, no.
Janine: Does smoke come out of his urethra?
Austin: [cross] No, no, the bone guy, the bone guy.
Keith: [cross] That’s Donald Trump. Oh, the bone guy.
Sylvia: [cross] Oh, the bone guy.
Austin: [cross] What’s the bone guy do?
Dre: I’m sorry, that’s Tramp.
Keith: Does he shoot bones out of his, like, body?
Austin: No, incorrect.
Janine: I think I might have seen the…
Sylvia: Is it… [laughing]
Dre: That’s an X-Man, that’s too boring for Baki.
Keith: That’s also Naruto.
Austin: It’s the grossest thing he could possibly do.
Keith: Does he… eat bones?
Jack: Does he vomit bones?
Sylvia: Does he go to time prison, like Shadow the Hedgehog?
Austin: It’s so much grosser.
Jack: Y’know, I’m sort of reaching the depth of—
Austin: No, you’re not. You’re not. Your imagination isn’t gross enough for this. Janine might be able to get there.
Sylvia: Does he like…
Keith: Does he do it with the bones?
Austin: The bones are an important part of it!
Sylvia: Does he, like… extrude them? Like, do they, like… shift inside of him?
Austin: No, no, no, pull them out or something, that would be too simple.
Keith: Does he transform his body by moving the bones around, like a Michael Bay transformer?
Sylvia: That’s more what I mean.
Austin: I mean, yes, but that’s only half of it.
Dre I have a question, I have a question.
Austin: Yeah?
Dre: Does he… pee bones?
Sylvia: [groaning] No…
Austin: He doesn’t pee bones. [Dre: Okay.] I think that would be less gross than this.
Dre: Okay, interesting!
Sylvia: I just am thinking of like… the chair from Crimes of the Future, and like, what if that was a person.
Austin: Well. [reading] “Hunting method: Bogie relies on the fact that he has 4000 bones and 4600 joints to target a creature.”
Sylvia: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Austin: [reading] “He has entered the bodies of all the wild beasts he has prepared, and has become familiar with the internal workings”—
Keith: So, he’s like the Darwin of fucking animals.
Austin: —”and systems of living things. He has developed techniques such as revitalizing organs and tissues, understanding the flow of neural transmissions, and deciphering the hippocampus.’ Let me post an image here for you… He go into animals with his bones.
Sylvia: He’s Ace Ventura in The Rhino!
Jack: Woah.
Dre: [cross] He’s Ace Ventura in The Rhino.
Austin: [cross] He goes in there and matches and matches their bones with his bones.
Sylvia: [cross] That’s so funny! [laughing in the background]
Keith: [cross] So he’s like a parasite? Like a human parasite?
Austin: “The name of this power is ‘Lodge’.”
Jack: Oh, no!
Austin: “A technique that allows Bogie to enter another creature and use it as a shell.” It says up top here: “He has a motif of being like a hermit crab, "lodging" in other creatures and manipulating them like puppets with his skeletal abilities.”
Keith: Why does he do this?
Sylvia: [cross] He is, uh, inflatable-arm-man.
Janine: [cross] Also, what animal is that supposed to be?
Jack: That’s an octo… oh, yeah, good question.
Janine: That’s not an animal.
Keith: Also, is he a good guy or a bad guy?
Sylvia: No, he’s the bad guy.
Janine: Bad guy.
Austin: He’s gotta be the bad guy, right?
Janine: [cross] That’s not the guy who seems bad, but…
Austin: [cross] He also just kinda has… he kind of just has Mr. Fantastic abilities, like stretchy-arm stuff.
Keith: But they give him the bones to back it up.
Austin: Yeah, that’s right. Yeah.
Janine: The thing that’s wild about this is that like… as I look at GIFs of this, I’m finding GIFs of the original, and I’m kinda on board with the original. The original seems cute.
Austin: The original seems cute?
Jack: Seems cute!?
Keith: Oh, yeah, that does seem cute.
Janine: [laughing] He seems cute and nice.
Austin: Aw, there’s a little kiss.
Keith: He goes like, mwah. [kisses the air]
Janine: Yeah, yeah!
Austin: Yeah, that’s great.
Jack: [cross] Why is he doing a little kiss?
Janine: [cross] And there’s one where he’s got drinking a coke.
Keith: Is that the same guy, the guy who’s kissing the bone guy?
Austin: Mmm, see, no, but you can see it creepin’ in, can’t you?
Keith: Oh, he’s drinking a cola.
Janine: Ah, yeah, but that’s like… that’s like, uh, Berserk-adjacent, it’s whatever, it’s just a guy.
Austin: Yeah, that’s just the thing, right, like it’s… you go to Fist of the North Star and Berserk and the original Baki, and it’s like, okay I get it. But you keep pushing, you get to new Baki…
Sylvia: Oh. You don’t want to go to new Baki.
Austin: Never go to new Baki.
Sylvia: It’s an evil Realis moon.
Austin: That’s right.
Sylvia: Nubaki.
Austin: Nubaki. I’m writin’ it down. Uh, d’you want to see this guy’s stat chart, and then we’ll be done?
Sylvia: Always, yeah, I wanna learn everything about this possible freak.
Jack: What’s this guy’s luck?
Keith: Special ability, sure.
Austin: Power, speed, intel, special ability, and appetite.
Keith: Low intel for someone who spends time in a hippocampus.
Austin: That’s… I agree.
Art: Fucking got ‘em.
Jack: He does have a very high special ability, and I would say that is accurate. The ability is undeniably special. [Austin: Yeah.] It’s awful.
Austin: Think this guy is an enhancer? What do you think?
Keith: Um.
Austin: I know it’s easy way to go specialist, but, like, most of the people who I think are specialists turn out to just be other types of shit.
Keith: Okay, but he’s got 5,000 bones. That’s special.
Austin: He’s very special.
Jack: He’s an enhancer or manipulator.
Austin: Mmm…
Keith: I love the power chart, I finished watching season 3 of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, [Sylvia: Oh, hell yeah.] and I love watching all the little power charts, it’s like—it’s always the most fucked up, most dangerous thing that is like, full in one and dogshit in every other thing in JoJo’s Bizarre—where it’s like, oh this thing has like full durability and has nothing in anything else, and it almost killed everyone.
Sylvia: Yeah, I love it. I love that.
Janine: I’m sorry, is that dude a Baki, a JoJo, or a Hunter?
Dre: Which one?
Jack: [cross] Ooh, this new fella has just arrived.
Keith: [cross] This guy’s… that’s gotta be a Baki.
Janine: [cross] The one Austin just posted.
Austin: I’ll read you the description, you have to tell me—only Janine can answer this.
Sylvia: Yeah, ‘cause I know.
Austin: ‘Cause those of us who know, know. [reading] “Alfaro is the waiter of the Gourmet Corp., and another character’s personal aide. Despite his position as waiter, he is, in fact, one of the strongest members of the Gourmet Corp., and was one of the first select few capable of entering the Gourmet World without a GT Robo before the Gourmet Corp.’s rise in power.”
Dre: Sure.
Austin: [cross] Janine, which—
Janine: [cross] Which one am I answering?
Austin: I just read the little description. Is that Hunter x Hunter, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, or is that Baki?
Janine: Hunter x Hunter.
Austin: I have bad news.
Janine: Oh.
Austin: It’s none of them, I think. I think this is Toriko. I think this is Toriko?
Sylvia: Wow. Oh, no, not Toriko!
Janine: I assumed, ‘cause you needed some sort of special little thing to get into a special little thing to meet some special people that it was Hunter x Hunter.
Keith: It does sound like a gourmet hunter from Hunter x Hunter.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: Right, yeah, no, this is apparently—and also, that bone guy is not Baki, that bone guy is also this other thing, Toriko.
Sylvia: Oh, okay, we should pull away from that, just, given some things about the author.
Austin: [drawn out] Oh…
Keith: I thought these were all…
Sylvia: Some Rouroni Kenshin-like things about that author.
Janine: Oh…
Austin: I see. I see.
Dre: Mm.
Austin: That’s great, that’s good to know. Eject.
Sylvia: At least to my knowledge.
Dre: Is that the Baki author?
Austin: Different, different, no, no, no, no.
Sylvia: No, the Toriko guy.
Dre: Okay, okay.
Jack: And it couldn’t be Hunter x Hunter, because there’s only one other realm in Hunter x Hunter, and that’s the Demon World, which, as we know, is inaccessible to humans—you can’t go there and you never will.
Austin: Yeah. All right. [cross] Is Ali here and eating, is what my guess is?
Keith: [cross] Can’t wait for the next arc, demon-world-realm-arc.
Ali: [cross] I’m here, yep.
Austin: Hi, Ali.
Jack: I think Ali is here, but…
Sylvia: [laughing] Has Ali been here for all of that?
Janine: We cannot hear you, though.
Ali: Oh.
Janine: [cross] Oh, there you are. You just weren’t saying stuff.
Ali: [cross] Hi, yeah.
Keith: [cross] You were muted this whole time, I thought you were not here.
Ali: No, I’m here.
Dre: Womp, womp.
Austin: Uh, time.is?
Ali: Yep.
Sylvi: Oh, I gotta get that up.
Jack: It’s International Jazz Day today!
Austin, Sylvia and Dre: Oh!
Janine: Yesterday was International… actually, no, yesterday was just Dance Day, not International Dance Day, just Dance Day.
Jack: Oh, that’s nice.
Art: Canadian Dance Day.
Janine: I don’t think it was Canadian. I don’t think this is a Canadian website.
Art: Well, it knows where you are, so maybe it knows what your days are.
Dre: Yeah, it personalizes it.
Sylvi: [cross] Mm.
Austin: [cross] Oh! Dancing.
Janine: It doesn’t know where I am, it just puts that there as an example of a place you could be. [long pause] [laughing] That’s a joke for no one—no one is—
Austin: Was that a reference to… that’s for me, I watched that video today. I watched that video today. I watched that video today. That was a—yeah, that joke was for no one.
Janine: Teenage Engineering made like a bad—virtual assistant box,
Keith: [cross] Oh, the R1 Rabbit?
Austin: [cross] The R1, yeah.
Janine: [cross] And if you ask it… Yeah.
Keith: I now know what we’re talking about, I also watched that video today, but I didn’t hear what Janine said.
Janine: Well, if you ask it…
Austin: Well, it’s a short, it’s not the main video. Marques put out a short, that, in which he’s like, “what’s the weather like?” And it tells him what the weather is like where he is, but it’s not supposed to know where he is, and he’s like “why did you say in New Jersey?” And it was like, “I was just naming a place, it was just a random place.”
Keith: It was a guess, I just guessed. That’s funny.
Austin: “As an example,” and Janine, what did you say? “It was just an example of a place it could be.”
Janine: Yeah, yeah, it was just an example of a place where there’s weather.
Jack: [cross] That’s so funny.
Keith: [cross] That’s funny.
Jack: Did you see the thing recently where they asked—I think it was just ChatGPT—how to solve the, like, fox-sheep-grain man-boat-river riddle, except they just said “How would you cross the river most accurately, if you had a man, a boat, and a sheep. The boat can fit the man and the sheep in it?” And it offered this extremely convoluted method that involved going back and forth like four or five times. ‘Cause it’s like, yeah, it needs to be long, right?
Sylvia: That’s why I’m not afraid of robots.
Jack: Yeah, no. Fuckin’ get ‘em.
Austin: All right, time.is, let’s do a clap. Top of the minute?
Jack: [to a tune] Top of the minute.
Janine: Sure.
[one extremely early clap]
Ali: Oh, what? [laughing]
[Repeated, desynchronous claps]
Keith: Massively…
Art: I fucked up one of my pre-claps.
Janine: Did someone say “whoops” right as we clapped?
Ali: Yeah, I clapped [cross] at like 58 for some reason.
Jack: [cross] I also heard a “whoops”.
Austin: All right, you wanna do another one?
Ali: Oh my god. 20, yeah.
Austin: 20.
Art: Oh, shit!
[sporadic, cluttered clapping]
[Sylvi quietly laughing in background, intensifies slowly]
Austin: Art?
Ali: It’s all fine.
Dre: It’s fuckin’ Ali.
Ali: It’s Art.
Art: Ali does these quick ones!
Dre: Oh, man. Yeah, she gets you.
Austin: It was pretty good.
Keith: Okay, okay, we’ll do one more. 31.
[others join in laughing]
Jack: Wait ‘til you hear what Keith does, Art.
Austin: I got it!
Sylvia: I did too!
Keith: I got it, too, I was ready. [cross] We’ve been talking about this for a minute now.
Dre: [cross] Fastest clap in the west.
[laughter winds down]
Austin: Ali, do we need another one or are we good?
Ali: No, no, no. This is fine.
Keith: Extremely lukewarm quote today.
Jack: Yeah, it’s not—
Keith: Don’t just make your years count. Oh, wait—
Austin: Nope!
Keith: —don’t just count your years, make your years count… [cross] Sorry, I did it backwards, I read it backwards.
Sylvia: [cross] No, don’t just make your years count.
Keith: Don’t just make your years count—waste ‘em!
Austin: That’s right.
Keith: Waste ‘em, burn ‘em.
Jack: Squander ‘em!
Austin: All right.
Janine: They’re shit, anyway.
Jack: Yeah.
Dre: It do be like that sometimes.
Austin: Where’s my… where are my notes? Here they are. Wait, these are not my good notes. Oh, I see what happened here.
Janine: [cross] You have good notes and bad notes?
Keith: [cross] Do you have like secret bad notes to trick yourself?
Austin: Uh, no, what I was looking at was… I have, like, intro notes. I have like, doing the intro monologue notes, and I have a separate doc that is like, the actual season notes, d’you know what I mean? Like, I have one that’s just like, intros and dossier descriptions and stuff, and ones that are like here’s ideas.
[outro theme plays]