Transcriber: thedreadbiter (intro), robotchangeling
Ali: Hello everybody, it’s Ali here, and I have kind of a big announcement. This weekend, July 3rd and July 4th, Friends at the Table is going to be doing a fundraising livestream marathon for the National Network of Abortion Funds. Given the recent decision to overturn Roe vs. Wade, and just the ongoing threat to reproductive rights in the States right now, we wanted to do something to raise support for organizations that need it right now, and the National Network of Abortion Funds is one that we are happy to support. Um, happy. “Happy” in quotation marks, um. The National Network of Abortion Funds not only serves as a resource for people to find support in their area, but also the money that we raise will be allocated to smaller organizations across the country, um, who do things like fund abortions straight out, will cover travel and lodging for people who need to seek an abortion, the sorts of things that people will increasingly need support with.
So yeah, we’re looking forward to doing this. We’re gonna be playing some video games, we’re gonna be playing some tabletop games, sometimes we’re not gonna be playing some games and doing something very different. Um. We might do a Marielda oneshot if we reach kind of a high goal? Y’know, just for fun! Um. So. So, join us over at twitch.tv/friendsatthetable on July 3rd and July 4th from 12 PM Eastern time to 8 PM Eastern time both days. Again, that’s gonna be over on our twitch, not on the youtube, so twitch.tv/friendsatthetable is where you’ll find the stream. And yeah! Come hang out, come ready to support, come ready to have a good time. Tell your friends about this, anyone who you think might be interested in like a funny and good video game livestream on top of supporting reproductive rights. Again, that is July 3rd, this upcoming Sunday, and July 4th, the following Monday. Come hang out with us instead of being patriotic! Um. And. Have a good day! Make the best of it, and, um, enjoy this episode of Bluff City! Bye!
[music begins: “America’s Playground”]
Austin (as Pluperfect): Apologies for that. With the big race coming up, I just have so many interviews. Heavy is the head. Now, where was I? Since I am Absolute Pluperfect, I suspect I was saying something absolutely perfect, plu. Ah, yes, Old Bluff City. I was telling you about my last visit to the upper crust’s Tri-City History Museum, where seasonal memberships are available to all discerning citizens of the upper city, for just a reasonable donation to be made in credits or data rights. In any case, when I last visited the museum, there was a new exhibition, The Real History of Old Bluff City. Now, I normally scoff at such titles, “The Real History.” They are lures to draw in the un- and undereducated, those who want a quick fix of heterodoxic information. But I must say, this exhibition was delightful. Along with my AI tour guide, I saw the sights of a town that could never be today. I rode on the hard light Somers Wheel and I saw a perfect pink, blue, orange, red, white, blue horizon. I had little treats, little delicious treats made of sugar and other things I think, just like they did in the old days. Except in the old days, it was better for many reasons. Even the— even the underclass was better back then. Today we have, ugh, all kinds of lessers, but back then it was just little rapscallions and ragamuffins and tatterdemalions. In fact, there was one exhibit about the year 1899 and a band of lovable miscreants looking to save their corner of the boardwalk. It brings me to emotion as so few things do, since emotion is a vulgar defect. But we are allowed such a vice when in the sight of the sublime, are we not? And all of that is why I am asking you, my adoring subscribers, for just a small donation to a fund I've set up, the Kingfish Pier Children's Boardwalk Beautification Project, parentheses, Bring Old Bluff Into Atlantic City Insurance Fund, a 501(c)(15) organization. [rushed, as music winds down] I have a few more things. Don't stop— [music ends] Don't stop the music!
Austin: Welcome to Friends at the Table, an actual play podcast focused on critical world building, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends. I'm your host. Joining me today, Janine Hawkins.
Janine: Hey, I'm Janine Hawkins. You can find me at @bleatingheart on Twitter.
Austin: Jack de Quidt.
Jack: Hi. You can find me on Twitter at @notquitereal and buy any of the music featured on the show at notquitereal.bandcamp.com.
Austin: Keith Carberry.
Keith: Hi, my name’s Je— Keith J. Carberry. Said my name wrong.
Austin: Jeith! [laughter]
Keith: J. Carberry. You can find— that’s a (??? 2:59)
Austin: [laughing] Was Jeith there?
Jack: [laughing] Was Jeith there? [Janine and Keith laugh]
Keith: It’s Jeith K. Carberry.
Austin: K. Carberry. Not Jarberry? It’s not Jeith K. Jarberry?
Keith: Mm-hmm. You can find me on Twitter at @JeithJCarberry, and you can find the let's plays that I do at youtube.com/jumpbutton. [Austin and Art laugh]
Austin: And Art Martinez-Tebbel.
Art: Hey, I’m Art. You can find me on Twitter at, I think pretty soon, @JeithJCarberry, [all laugh] if it's available.
Austin: If it’s available.
Art: I’m gonna check it out, but uh, until then, I’m on Twitter at @atebbel.
Austin: [sighs] Love it. We are here today to play Mall Kids, a game about teens in malls by Matthew Gravelyn with art and design by Kaitlin Bruder. We made characters last time and then got sleepy. I’m not gon’ dance around the bush.
Keith: We somehow are not able to create characters in less than five hours, so.
Austin: I don’t want to even talk about it. We are just— we're already like, we started late today, because I needed a nap, and then later than what I said I wanted to start, which is on me ‘cause I had to get coffee ‘cause of the nap I took, and then now we bullshitted for 30 minutes somehow [Janine laughs] about currency symbols that no one uses and the international standards holiday. So, it's really on us. Let's actually start with, uh…wait, who's playing who? Where— now that it's been a minute, I forget who is who, so we should really go over this. Who is on the top left here? Who is—?
Jack: I think I am.
Austin: You're Melinda. So let's start with you, Jack. Can you introduce us to your character? Just read the— just read the sheet as it is written in front of you.
Jack: Yeah. I'm playing Melinda Guppy. Her pronouns are she/her. She's tall and thin. She has two tight braids and a scowl. She's wearing a simple navy blue dress and a gray apron. She works for her father's elaborate beachside inventions stall. He's selling just like weird garbage to tourists.
Austin: Mm.
Jack: That like is like sunshades and little periscopes to see the fish and things. I've written down that she's a scene kid barrel organ fan.
Austin: Right.
Jack: She's like… [Janine laughs] She's like very into the barrel organ culture up and down the various beaches and piers of Bluff City.
Janine: Who isn’t?
Jack: And she wants to quit.
Austin: Fair enough.
Jack: I’m sorry, Janine?
Janine: I said, who isn't?
Austin: Mm.
Jack: Yeah, who isn't?
Janine: [laughs softly] Into the barrel organ culture up and down the pier.
Austin: Uh, and then you have three and three in Corp and Cred, our two stats. That's what we should all be starting with.
Jack: Mm-hmm.
Austin: I am playing Eloise Salt, pronouns she/her. Big freckled cheeks, light brown skin, curly hair in a kerchief. White blouse, deep blue skirt with small white, like, dots. I work at my father's— sorry, I work at [laughs] Father's Candy Shope, [Keith and Jack laugh] the name of my dad's candy shop. I'm a nerd slash a tryhard, and I would love to slack off here on our last day of the summer.
Janine: I'm playing Cattie Pontecorvo.
Austin: [laughs] You made it bigger so we can see it. Thank you.
Janine: I did, so it didn't look like cattic or whatever the…whatever…
Keith: Cattle?
Art: Cattle.
Austin: [laughs] Cattle.
Janine: Cattle, right, it was cattle.
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine: Pronouns, she/her. Her look is that she looks bored slash tired. She has sort of cropped fluffy-ish blond hair that she wears pinned up so it doesn't look conspicuously cropped. Dark eyes. She's petite and has a pale-fleshed complexion. I kind of likened it to sort of rosacea in the cheeks last time. She's wearing a striped dress that sort of I imagine is kind of like a…kind of there's like a wraparound sort of look to it, but there's like a blouse and a necktie underneath, but will also occasionally be spotted in a bicycle suit, although I think the timing for that— I think those are probably a little bit old at this stage of things, but whatever. They’re cool.
Austin: Bluff. It’s Bluff.
Janine: Yeah, yeah.
Austin: Bluff can be a little off in this way.
Janine: Cattie works at Arvo and Stacks Photography Studio. She is a, quote, unquote, “stoner” with a sort of loose definition of what that means in this context. And she wants to get promoted.
Austin: Hell yeah. Who's next?
Art: Um, I'm playing Pomp Circumstance, pronouns he/him.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Art: A preppy kid working at the funnel cake stand, wearing what I think would be a funnel cake stand uniform of shirt and tie, apron, and paper hat. [Austin laughs softly] You know, if you know better about what turn of the century funnel cake people wore, you write in. [Austin laughs softly] Good hair, bright eyes, narrow build, fair skin. And what he wants to do is discover a secret. I've given him Corp two, Cred four.
Austin: I think you have to do that with a scene as soon as we start.
Art: I thought you could start…
Austin: Can you?
Art: Oh, you start at three.
Austin: You start at three. Everyone—
Art: What am I thinking of?
Austin: Lasers and Feelings.
Art: Mm…
Austin: Maybe. Which is…
Art: What does the bear one do? Did Honey Heist let you start different?
Austin: Honey Heist. Honey Heist may have let you start different. That feels possible.
Art: Well, I’m gonna abide by the rules then.
Austin: We'll just get a scene for you early on that lets you change that, ‘cause that's what you're doing.
Art: Sure.
Austin: All right, Keith.
Keith: Hello. My character's name is Sank Gettliffe.
Austin: Great.
Keith: Pronouns he/him. Three/three Cred/Corp like everybody else. For my look, I've got finger-combed brown hair, pale, almost gaunt, and clean shaven. He's wearing a warm colorless buttoned shirt and new suspenders and wool pants.
Austin: Mm.
Keith: He works at the carnival or at least the like little pier, like—
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Games area. Oh, we talked about that there is a carnival. Okay, so.
Austin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keith: There’s a Somers wheel.
Austin: It’s an amusement pier. Yes. Yes, you got it.
Keith: Right. And, uh, he's an entry level conman, a runaway, a stoner. And he wants to do a crime.
Austin: Got it. And then the name of our pier is Kingfish Pier. It's, quote, unquote, an outdoor mall. Our event is the end of summer slash mall closing. We have some angry customers to deal with. And also, as I recall, we're doing a special thing today where we are doing a hot air balloon rides, which we are kind of rotating to some degree who is like manning that booth so to speak. I don't know that any of us are going up on it necessarily, but we'll see. We'll see what hijinks ensue. Presumably there's a hot air balloon expert, who I'm sure we can find a good name for, who's actually going up there, you know, each, each time. Alright, to repeat as last time, [reading] the game takes place during a single day and is broken up into a series of beats: Opening, Morning, Lunch, Evening, Closing, and After Hours. During each beat, you'll each take turns being the active player. When you're the active player, you will frame a scene: what to focus on, where the scene takes place, and at least two characters involved. Those players then describe how their characters play out the scene. Below are some ideas to consider during each beat. I’m not gonna go read through all of these, but I’ll read through them at the top of each beat when we get there. And so, Opening: define a group goal, talk about what's happening, make promises. That's our general direction here.
Play the scene as short or long as you want. If the action seems to be getting stale, it is okay to suggest to end the scene. Always keep it interesting. The beat ends after each player has framed a scene. This is also a great time to ask clarifying questions or discuss scenes that may have taken place outside of these scenes. When everyone's happy, keep on moving. Move on to the next beat. And then there are some things to roll if we want to like add some chaos to a scene here. That's on page, uh, eight, it looks like, of my PDF. And then, as a reminder, when you do something risky or uncertain, that's when you roll dice. You roll one die, comparing it to your relevant stat. If the result is less than the stat, you— I guess, sorry, you have Corporate and you have Cred. Use Corporate when you want to do good work, when you want to impress a customer or deal with management or follow the rules. Use Cred when you want to fit in with other employees, do something sneaky, abuse your power, or break the rules. And then, you succeed if you roll under your stat. If you're equal to your stat, things are complicated, and if you're greater than the stat, things go wrong. If you roll a six, things are much, much worse. So you want a high stat, and you want to roll under that high stat if you're rolling on a thing. The, uh, you get bonus dice by having something related to your background. So, for instance, if Sank…Sank is right? Sonk? Sank.
Keith: Sank.
Austin: Sank Gettliffe. Wanted to run a con on somebody, he would get a bonus die because of being an entry level conman. Con man. [laughs softly] And, uh, if someone helped, you would get another die. The most dice you can roll are three. If things went bad, they would also go bad for the person helping you. And then, last thing is it's always good to roll a die in a given scene. So, so keep that in mind. Try to move towards a reason to roll dice. And finally, if you hit six in either thing, you give everyone the finger and— well, I guess Corporate is you buy into what the man is selling. You sell out. And if your Cred hits six, you give everyone the finger and walk out. You no longer work with the group. You may even actively be opposing them. You become a chaotic and unpredictable force in the mall. Does anyone have a kick off scene, a scene to kick things off?
Keith: I love the idea that one of us hits a six and give the finger and everyone is like, “Oh my god, what is that? That's so cool. [Austin laughs] What a great thing.”
Jack: [laughs] We invent it.
Keith: What a great new motion. I don't know when the— I don't know when that was invented, but.
Austin: I only know an apocryphal thing. I don't know the real thing.
Art: It has to be older than 100 years. It has to.
Austin: The apocryphal thing is much older.
Keith: Yeah. I would bet that it's older, but.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: In Bluff City, a teen invented it when they quit the mall.
Austin: [laughs] Yes. Where do we open? I'm happy to start, but I'm also…okay, I can frame an Opening scene, but I need someone to help me. Who wants to come try to convince me to slack off immediately? While I'm opening up Father's Candy Shope.
Jack: I’ll come. I’ll come.
Austin: Okay. I think when you see— when you…uh, the door is locked when you show up, right? I mean, it's super early in the morning, right? We're talking about like 5:45 a.m., 6. Do you know what I mean? Like, because people be going outside early. It's a resort town, and you gotta be ready to sell them Salt water taffy as soon as they wake— people just love to get that water taffy right away in the morning. It's a nice breakfast.
Jack: [laughs softly] With a coffee.
Keith: Well, and there's no TV, so you just go to bed at 7 p.m.
Austin: Right. It's dark out, I'm going to bed.
Jack: Get up really early.
Austin: Yeah, exactly.
Art: Are there lightbulbs yet? Where are we at in that?
Austin: I don't think so.
Keith: I think lightbulbs exist, but no one uses them.
Janine: Yes, there are lightbulbs.
Austin: I guess so.
Janine: I’m gonna say gas lamps and stuff got replaced like late 1800s.
Austin: [laughs softly] I want to give a little evidence.
Janine: Around when the lightbulb was invented.
Austin: Everyone just scroll down to the bottom of the page we’re on and look on the right hand side [Austin and Jack laugh] for this giant, super illuminated Gillette safety razor advertisement.
Janine: Yeah, that's the thing, is like we're…well, we're sort of in the area of like, what were they… [Art laughs] Were they called electric parks or something? Where it was like basically a garden full of like, plant stuff, but also like lightbulbs and then a few rides, like.
Austin: Right. This photo is from 1900 on the dot.
[0:15:02]
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: So we're right around here, for sure.
Art: Just giant letters, not many people have probably seen signs this big, just [menacing] “Shave Yourself.”
Austin: [laughs] It's so funny that it says “Shave Yourself,” because like, yeah, I guess so. Yeah, okay. Get your safety—
Art: Yeah, that’s that they’re offering you.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: That's what they are offering you, for sure.
Keith: Ads used to be extremely blunt.
Austin: Yeah. Uh huh. This is a great photo, ‘cause there's like a Woolworth on the boardwalk. That's not there anymore, let me tell you.
Keith: I wonder what…does it say…in the background, does it say Helmar Cigarettes?
Austin: It does say Helmar Cigarettes.
Art: I think it does, yeah.
Austin: And Brady's Baths. So we got a lot going on here. Anyway.
Keith: It just says, “Smoke Yourself.” [Austin, Keith, and Art laugh]
Janine: Is one of those— one of those, I think, just says Shourds.
Austin: Yeah, Shourds. What’s wrong? [Keith laughs] Shourds.
Janine: I don't know what that is.
Austin: Shourds Atlantic City.
Jack: Beachwear.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Shourds. [Austin and Janine laugh]
Austin: Um, when you come to see me, I am straightening the candy out. [laughs] Um, dusting it.
Janine: The sticks, like the peppermint sticks and stuff.
Austin: Yeah, exactly.
Janine: Gotta put ‘em in the jars all straight.
Austin: And make them all—
Keith: You're dusting the candy?
Austin: Like the— [laughs] yes, I'm dusting the candy, uh…
Janine: No one buys our candy.
Austin: No one’s buying that candy. [laughs] It’s been a while.
Keith: Dusting it with like a feather duster or dusting it with like confectioners sugar?
Austin: You know, a cloth. No— [laughs] That’s smarter. Let’s do that.
Janine: Polishing it.
Austin: Maybe I misunderstood the— my dad was like,
Austin (as Mr. Salt): Go out there and dust the candy!
Austin: And thought… [Austin and Keith laugh] Yeah, uh huh. I've been confused. Anyway, I see you at the front door, Melinda, and like come over and unlock it and open the door with, uh, speed, and the bells ring as you come in. And in the back, I think my dad yells like,
Austin (as Mr. Salt): Customers already?
Austin: And I go:
Austin (as Eloise): No, it's just— it's Melinda. It's Melinda. [hushed] What are you doing here?
Jack (as Melinda): Balloon’s arrived.
Austin (as Eloise): What? What—
Jack (as Melinda): The balloon’s arrived.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh.
Jack (as Melinda): Uh, some guys. They brought it out to the beach like 40 minutes ago.
Austin (as Eloise): [confused] That's great. That's good. I'm glad it's here. I was surprised it wasn't here last night. What are you telling me about it for?
Jack (as Melinda): Well, look.
Jack: And I like, I like lean close.
Jack (as Melinda): [hushed] They’re like, they're like, you know, getting it all ready. They're getting it set up. And it looks like your work’s done here for like just a bit. And I reckon we could just…we can just nip out and they'll let us go up in it before it starts. And it's work ex— [louder] It's work experience, right, Mr. Salt?
Austin: Someone should play…I was typing, “Does anyone want to play Mr. Salt, Elouise's father in this scene?”
Keith: I could be a Mr. Salt.
Austin: Yeah, be a Mr. Salt.
Keith: What was the question just asked of Mr. Salt?
Jack (as Melinda): Uh, it's work experience, right, Mr. Salt?
Austin (as Eloise): Uh—
Jack (as Melinda): For, uh, Eloise and I to go up in the balloon before it starts?
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Dusting the candy is work experience. Balloons is balloons.
Austin (as Eloise): Balloons is balloons, Melinda. He's kinda right.
Jack (as Melinda): Right, but if it's our responsibility during the day to tend the balloon or to draw people to the balloon and stuff, don't you think it's like prudent of us to travel up in the balloon? So we can say—
Keith (as Mr. Salt): It won’t be Eloise's responsibility to tend the balloon. It will be her responsibility to dust the candy there instead of dusting the candy here.
Austin (as Eloise): Well, it would be—
Keith (as Mr. Salt): And selling the candy, and, you know.
Austin (as Eloise): But what— I mean, If I go and I go up in the balloon, maybe I would know which candy to bring which would best pair with the balloon experience.
Jack (as Melinda): Uh, it's true. She's right. And Mr. Salt, you know, what are we supposed to say if someone says to us, “Hey, what's the view up there like?”
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Say it's magnificent!
Jack (as Melinda): How will we know? I can't tell a lie, Mr. Salt.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): You just say it is. [Art laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): No, I can't. I can't, I can't tell a lie.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): It says it right on the thing.
Keith: And there's a— I have a pamphlet, and it says, [Austin laughs] “Go up in our balloon. The view is magnificent.”
Art: I just want “Balloon: It’s Magnificent!”
Austin: [laughs] It’s magnificent! [Keith and Jack laugh]
Art: Balloon yourself!
Austin: Balloon yourself!
Austin (as Eloise): It does say it on the brochure, but… [pleading] Come on, Dad, please.
Austin: I think this is a roll. I think this is a Cred. I think I’m rolling Cred. Melinda’s helping.
Jack: Yeah, I'm helping.
Austin: I unfortunately do not think that my nerd slash tryhard makes me particularly good at this, so I'm gonna only roll two.
Jack: No, because you feel like you have a compulsion to help dust the candy.
Austin: I roll a two!
Jack: Oh.
Austin: Two is under.
Keith: Oh, that's wrong though, ‘cause you want to roll below, right?
Austin: Two. Yeah, two.
Art: Two.
Keith: Oh, it's not— it’s just—
Austin: It’s not the total.
Keith: Yeah, it’s lowest.
Austin: If it was total, this would be impossible. [laughs]
Keith: Right. Sure.
Austin: Yeah, it’s lowest.
Keith: Well, close to it, yeah.
Austin: It would be…it would be really rough. It would be really hard.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: So I think I've convinced Mr. Salt to let me go in the balloon.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): [sighs] Alright. Balloons is balloons, but maybe balloons is candy. So, fine.
Austin (as Eloise): Balloons is— we do have those little balloon candies! We should bring the balloon candies.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Oh. We never sell any balloon candies at the store. Maybe they'll sell at the balloon.
Austin (as Eloise): In here, I think people see them and they think of the outdoors and the bright sky, and they think, “We could be outside instead of in this stuffy candy shop— shope.”
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Shop! It's just shop. It says shop. [Art laughs]
Austin (as Eloise): Why does it— why is there an E on it, then? I don't understand, Dad.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, why is there an E on the end, Mr. Salt?
Keith (as Mr. Salt): The E is classy. That's why they call it classy.
Austin (as Eloise): Class-e.
Art: Class-e.
Jack (as Melinda): Ah. Ah, class-e.
Austin: All right. I’m gonna give my dad a big hug.
Austin (as Eloise): I'll be right back. I promise the balloon will be quick, and we're gonna have a good time.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Just write…take the icing, write “magnificent” on the balloons, and then go.
Austin (as Eloise): You want— on each little balloon? [Jack laughs softly]
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Is that too much work?
Austin (as Eloise): I don't know how I’m gonna fit that many letters on the little balloon candies. I'll try my best. Do you have the extra fine—
Keith (as Mr. Salt): I looked at the balloons, and I thought, I could do that. But hey, if you don't think you can do it, you can't do it. But.
Austin (as Eloise): I mean, I can…
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Practice with the icing.
Austin (as Eloise): All right. Melinda, I’ll meet you there as soon as I'm done writing magnifi— “It's Magnificent” on all the balloon candies.
Jack (as Melinda): I don't think you're gonna be able to fit it on.
Austin (as Eloise): I can do it.
Keith: I do it.
Austin (as Eloise): He’s right. He could do it.
Keith: I do it immediate— I do it effortlessly, I write it. It looks so easy.
Austin: You take up like a little tiny icing paintbrush and write “It's mag—”
Keith: Yeah, it’s like a…it's like a piping bag, yeah.
Austin: How big are these—? Okay, Keith.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: How big are the candies in your mind? [Jack and Art laugh]
Keith: So, we hadn't defined how big they were. I was thinking maybe, uh, I was thinking maybe two inches tall?
Austin: Okay. Yeah, okay.
Keith: Two inches tall and maybe close to two— they’re almost round. It’s a balloon, so it's round.
Austin: Yeah, uh huh.
Keith: So it's like, it's like a two inch diameter thing.
Austin: All right, yeah. I'm gonna get—
Austin (as Eloise): Melinda, I'll be there. I promise.
Jack (as Melinda): I'll wait for you.
Jack: And just like, bing bing bing! out through the bell of the door. Like, you can see me like running off down the beach towards where like two tall men and a woman are like unfurling the balloon next to the basket or whatever.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: You did get the roll. I don't want to—
Austin: I did, but what I’m going to do—
Keith: —narrative this to take all day.
Austin: Now, wait a second.
Keith: That was you. You did that to you.
Austin: No, no, no. You introduced a really great thing, ‘cause what I want to do is, in this moment, move a point from Cred to Corp, as Eloise, despite getting explicit permission, gives herself over to the task her father gave her.
Keith: Mm.
Austin: And tries to perfectly write “It's Magnificent” on these balloons for the rest of the morning.
Keith: That's longer than what I even said! [Keith, Jack, and Austin laugh]
Austin: So, that is—
Jack: Although, wait.
Austin: Uh huh?
Jack: Hang on. If you succeed…oh, no, it's only if you succeed by perfectly executing a plan or following the rules, move one point from Cred to Corporate.
Austin: Right.
Jack: When you find success in chaos or impulsiveness or by breaking the rules, move one— have you just evened yourself out again?
Austin: Maybe I've just evened myself out again. Do you think that that was chaos or impulse? I think it was impulsiveness.
Keith: When…by…
Austin: Asking to go for per— ‘cause here's the thing. I don't think that every roll falls into these two categories.
Keith: No.
Austin: Do you know what I mean?
Keith: Right, I agree.
Jack: Mm. No, right.
Austin: I don't know that that wasn’t…was that— but it was kind of impulsive, in the sense that I didn't wake up with that plan. You came over and were like, “Let's go ride the balloon,” and I was like, “Yeah, let's do that,” and then I didn't. So maybe it does even out in this case. Maybe that was impulsiveness. I did find success in that. And then I’ve since…
Keith: No, I…taking this holistically, you have…you have rolled yourself into the ability to go and have then been like, “No, I'm actually going to work extra hard instead.”
Austin: Right. So you're saying…I mean, that was my original intent. My original intent was to end up with four Corp two Cred.
Keith: Yeah. Yeah.
Austin: But what we're trying to figure out is: did we— did I succeed in convincing Mr. Salt via impulsiveness?
Keith: No.
Austin: You think that that was success just by being a daughter and being like, “Please!”
Keith: Yes.
Austin: Which is not impulsiveness.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: All right, yeah, I'll take it. So then I'll raise my Corp to four and my Cred to two. Sorry to Melinda. I thought about sitting on that scene where I just no-showed, but I think it's probably better, Jack, to just give you the I'm going to no-show on you, and you can frame that when we get there.
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: And that's my scene. [brief pause] Who's up? Who's got a scene?
Art: So do we have— we have to move forward in time?
Austin: No. Everybody does a Morning scene.
Art: Every— er…
Austin: Or an Opening scene, sorry. An Opening scene.
Jack: An Opening scene.
Art: An Opening scene, okay.
Austin: Define a group goal; talk about what's happening; make promises.
Keith: Did we mention that the, uh, that the issue here is that everyone hates our mall?
Austin: We only said angry customers, but yeah, you're right. It's specifically that our, quote, unquote, “mall,” our little corner of the boardwalk is not…is not as fancy as the much fancier Golden Fortune is. Kingfish Pier just doesn't have it anymore in the kind of surrounding shops.
Keith: Um. I've got an idea for a scene. Wait, did I interrupt someone who also had an idea?
Austin: I don't think so.
Art: I didn't hear anyone else talking.
Keith: Okay. Um. [sighs] I am…I think I’m gonna need at least two people for this. So, my…I'm going to be doing a…I'm gonna be doing a shell game grift. I’m gonna be doing some three-card monte on the pier for a crowd, and I would like one person to be the person playing the game who's gonna lose, and another person—
Austin: You don't know that yet! [Jack laughs]
Keith: Uh, Sank knows.
Austin: Okay.
Keith: Basically, I want to— I need a mark, and I need a second— I need like a backup, like someone in the crowd who's like, uh…
Austin: Is this another kid helping you with your…
Keith: Right, so, so the person who I'm playing is a stranger. The other person can be a stranger or can be one of your characters.
Austin: Right.
Keith: If someone was like, oh, I would definitely be helping with some three-card monte.
Art: Keith, I would be so thrilled to— you know, not as my character here, but I would be thrilled to play your mark.
Keith: Okay, sure.
Art: I would just be overjoyed.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Does Cattie or Melinda want to be the aid in Sank’s scam?
Janine: I don't think Cattie would help…would help him scam someone, but I do think she would stand by passively while he was scamming someone.
Austin: Mm, mm-hmm.
Janine: If that— I don't know if someone can make a bolder offer than that, but.
Austin: Melinda?
Jack: I think I might be in a balloon?
Austin: Oh, right. [Art laughs] I didn't know if you'd gotten there quite yet.
Keith: Oh, yeah, that’s fine.
Austin: Or if you were still waiting for Eloise to get there.
Janine: Could be on the way to the balloon.
Austin: True.
Jack: Yeah, it could be on the way to the balloon.
Keith: That’s true. Could be on the way to the balloon.
Austin: My impulse here is to not introduce a third kid or a sixth kid that we all now—
Jack: Yes.
Austin: Do you know what I mean? That’s Sank’s partner in crime.
Jack: [laughs] Yes, you're right.
Austin: But to keep us focused on us, if that's possible.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Yeah. I can deal with a passive, with a passive observer. I can put…I can, yeah, I can work with that. But the mark’s more important, so you—
Austin: Right, we got a mark.
Keith: Art, you're gonna be a mark.
Art: Yeah.
Keith: You're gonna be Mark. No, you can be whoever you want. You can be whoever you want, as long as you pick the right cup. Playing shell game. I've moved the cups all around.
Art: Oh, we’re doing shell game. We’re not doing three-card monte.
Keith: No, well, it's the same thing, but. I mean, it's the same basic principle, right?
Art: Sure, yeah. I'm just trying to see… [mumbles]
Austin (as onlooker): [yelling] Nah, the shells—
Austin: I’m one of the people in the crowd.
Austin (as onlooker): Shells got, uh…they got, they’re from the ocean. And you put a little thing under there, or you—
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Mm.
Austin (as onlooker): Or you use a coconut, you cut it in half.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Right.
Art (as mark): Mm.
Keith (as Mr. Salt): Well, that's cup and ball.
Austin (as onlooker): Which, I always thought that was a waste, ‘cause you got…it's three. You only got the three halves. What happened to the fourth half?
Keith (as Sank): You eat it, so it's not a waste.
Austin (as onlooker): [unconvinced] Mm…
Art (as mark): Well, see, that's what I— that's what I mean. See, ‘cause three-card monte, everyone knows that's a scam. But the shells, this is from the ocean!
Austin (as onlooker): Ocean’s pure.
Art (as mark): The ocean always tells the truth.
Austin (as onlooker): The ocean’s a truthteller.
Keith (as Sank): The ocean always tells the truth.
Art (as mark): That’s what they say.
Austin (as onlooker): Nothing purer. That's why I come down here.
Art (as mark): All right.
Keith (as Sank): Mm.
Art (as mark): And I appreciate you still playing with me, 'cause I won the first two, and you could just shoo me off. But you…
Keith (as Sank): Hey, I'm an honest businessman. I play, I play this— I play here all day. And I'm good.
Art (as mark): You wanna keep going.
Keith (as Sank): But you can't win them all.
Art (as mark): Yeah, I'm…and now I've, I'm—
Austin (as onlooker): No, I'm pretty sure...I'm pretty sure you could.
Art (as mark): I'm upping my wager. And, you know, they say don't spend money you can't afford to lose, but I'm not losing. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Keith (as Sank): Oh, that's a…that's a…
Austin (as onlooker): That's a nice watch, buddy.
Keith (as Sank): [quietly] That’s a nice—
Austin (as onlooker): You sure you want to put that down on the table?
Keith (as Sank): I think—
Art (as mark): It was my grandfather's watch, and he gave it to my father who took it through the whole Civil War!
Janine: Pocket watch, right?
Art: What’s that?
Janine: Pocket watch, right?
Art: Yeah.
Art (as mark): You could see this dent. It took a bullet at Gettysburg! [Jack laughs]
Keith (as Sank): Wow.
Art (as mark): It still runs. Don't you worry, mister. It's a good wager, huh?
Keith: I hold it up to my ear, and it's still ticking.
Art (as mark): You gotta wind it though. I think we're still in that time.
Keith (as Sank): Yep.
Austin (as onlooker): Yes, certainly in that time, I believe! [Jack laughs]
Janine: Uh huh.
Art (as mark): But it's a good watch. It's so important to my family, uh, but I'm gonna— I'm gonna double it. I’m gonna end up with two watches. A watch for each pocket is what I'm gonna be!
[0:30:13]
Jack: [laughs] I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than for Keith to lose this roll. [Austin, Keith, and Janine laugh]
Janine: I, uh, I want to like complicate this by Cattie is like standing to one side. She's got her— I don't think the timing quite works out on this. I think the Kodak Brownie Camera came out like a couple years after this, but maybe she got an early version.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Janine: Maybe it’s a professional version for…
Austin: That’s right.
Janine: For taking shots out on the boardwalk, and then you can advertise with them and sell to the newspaper.
Austin: 1900!
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: Introduced in February of 1900. So easy to imagine you got a prototype six months earlier.
Janine: Yeah. Yeah. Or the, you know.
Austin: You work in a camera shop.
Janine: Yeah, they're having people test it out.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: They’re having photographers test it out. Who knows? So she's got her little prototype Brownie box camera thing, and she's sort of snapping up pictures. And I think Cattie shouts out:
Janine (as Cattie): Sank, this time, can you go a little slower? You're gonna— [Austin laughs] you're gonna mess up the photos if you go too fast.
Keith (as Sank): It is…the rule of the game that I should go fast.
Art (as mark): Mm.
Janine (as Cattie): You want a good photo or not?
Keith (as Sank): No. Well…
Janine (as Cattie): Good photo makes you look good. Good photo advertises your business. People see the photo. They come down. They say, “I wanna play a shell game with that photo guy.”
Austin (as onlooker): Can I sit in the photo? Just next to the cards.
Janine (as Cattie): Sit where?
Austin (as onlooker): Or, the shells.
Janine (as Cattie): On the table? What cards?
Art (as mark): It’s shells.
Austin (as onlooker): Not cards.
Janine (as Cattie): On the table? I don't think so.
Austin (as onlooker): Next to it. I’ll just…
Keith (as Sank): Who are you?
Janine (as Cattie): Where are you gonna sit next to a table?
Austin (as onlooker): I…
Janine (as Cattie): Where are you gonna sit, sir?
Keith (as Sank): I don't know this person. [Austin laughs softly]
Austin (as onlooker): I just want to be in the photo. I've always wanted that.
Keith (as Sank): Okay.
Janine (as Cattie): I mean, hey, if you want to be in a photo, uh…
Keith (as Sank): Okay.
Janine (as Cattie): Come on down to Arvo and Stacks Photography Studio. I’ll set you up. We’ll take care of it.
Austin (as onlooker): No, I want it to be a sort of photo where something's going on.
Keith (as Sank): Okay, here it is. Here’s the shot.
Art (as mark): A candid, they call that.
Austin (as onlooker): A candid? What's that? We're not doing a can game.
Art (as mark): No, no, you can't play a can game. It rattles around too much.
Austin (as onlooker): You’d be able to hear it.
Art (as mark): Yeah, you gotta…
Austin (as onlooker): No skill in the can.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, I could do a can game.
Art (as mark): No skill in the can. That's what they say.
Keith (as Sank): Okay, here's the shot. It's gonna be a candid, but it's gonna be a massaged candid. So here's…here, does this work? I’m gonna go fast.
Art (as mark): I don’t need a massage.
Austin (as onlooker): Let me fix my tie. [Austin laughs]
Art (as mark): I’m not working that hard, here.
Keith (as Sank): I'm gonna go fast. It's gonna be too blurry. But now, we've got you there, and you're gonna look at me doing my thing.
Austin (as onlooker): Should I put a face on?
Keith (as Sank): Yes, you put an extremely impressed face on.
Austin (as onlooker): [exaggerated gasp]
Keith (as Sank): Yes. And now, does that work? ‘Cause now it's an attraction how fast it is.
Janine (as Cattie): [laughs] Yeah, sure.
Art (as mark): Like the Cyclone, out in Brooklyn.
Janine (as Cattie): Sure, Sank.
Keith (as Sank): Like the Cyclone out in Brooklyn.
Austin (as onlooker): Can I oooh?
Art: Which I think won’t exist for 30 more years. [Austin laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): If it doesn’t turn out, I can chuck it in the garbage.
Keith (as Sank): Okay. And sir, you said you had a third watch?
Art (as mark): No, I'm trying to win a second watch.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, I thought you were betting two watches.
Art (as mark): No, no. I have one watch. Then when I win, I'll have two watches, a watch for each pocket.
Austin (as onlooker): I could spot you a watch, buddy.
Art (as mark): You got a watch?
Austin (as onlooker): I got a watch. It’s no big, fancy…
Keith (as Sank): Well, if you lose, you're gonna owe this guy a watch.
Art (as mark): Does your watch have a lot of personal and emotional significance?
Austin (as onlooker): It’s no Gettysburg watch, don't get me wrong, but it is a Centennial watch. It was there at the year of the Centennial, wound by the President. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Art (as mark): That’s a ‘76 presidential watch?
Austin (as onlooker): That's right.
Art (as mark): Wow!
Keith (as Sank): Are those— is that encrusted?
Austin (as onlooker): It’s— [Austin and Keith laugh] Yeah, it's encrusted. [Keith laughs] Uh, gem encrusted.
Keith (as Sank): Right, that's what encrusted is.
Art (as mark): Wow!
Austin (as onlooker): Varying gems.
Keith (as Sank): I think encrusted is always gems.
Austin (as onlooker): It’s various gems. [Austin laughs]
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin (as onlooker): Of various sorts.
Keith (as Sank): [impressed] Ah.
Austin (as onlooker): It doesn’t tick right now.
Keith (as Sank): The other guy’s watch was only filigreed.
Austin (as onlooker): It doesn't— you'll hear it. You can hold it up to your ear. It doesn't tick right now, but, uh, it's 'cause I—
Keith (as Sank): When you wind it.
Austin (as onlooker): I didn't wind it this morning.
Janine (as Cattie): That’s 'cause only presidents can wind a watch like that.
Austin (as onlooker): Yes, in general…
Janine (as Cattie): So you've gotta wait for another one to come around.
Austin (as onlooker): I gotta— we gotta get a new president, if you ask me.
Keith (as Sank): President or general you said?
Austin (as onlooker): Or a general. A president in general, or a president that is a general, or…
Janine: [laughs softly] I’m sorry, did you say we got another president— we gotta get another president, if you ask me? [laughs]
Austin: Maybe.
Janine: Is that what you said? [Keith laughs]
Austin: [laughs] I'm stumbling into this guy's politics, and they're not good. [Keith, Janine, and Austin laugh]
Keith (as Sank): Okay, well, shell game time. You're sure— okay.
Art (as mark): All right.
Keith (as Sank): So you're, you're gonna borrow this guy's…so I'm gonna owe you two watches.
Austin (as onlooker): That's right.
Art (as mark): Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): You're gonna owe this guy one watch.
Art (as mark): Well, I’m— yeah.
Janine (as Cattie): [exaggerated concern] Wow, Sank, better be careful. You don't want to…you don't want to lose this one!
Keith (as Sank): Eh, well, you know, I'm down a…I'm down…I’m 0 and 2. No. Yeah, I’m 0 and 2.
Art (as mark): Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): And so I think I’m due for a win.
Art (as mark): I don't think that's how that works.
Keith (as Sank): Nah, I’m due. I’m due.
Art (as mark): All right, we’ll see.
Keith: I put the— I put the shells down over, uh…hmm, let's see, is there something fun? Nah, just a ball. Just a... how about a die, like a single die?
Austin: Mm.
Keith: And I'm moving it around. You can hear it rattling around. I’m going faster. I'm going frustratingly fast for a camera of the era. [Austin laughs softly] And, uh, I stop.
Keith (as Sank): Take your pick. One, two, three.
Art (as mark): [confidently] Well, I know you're good at this, but I think I'm better, and I think it's this one!
Austin: Let’s roll some dice.
Keith: This literally has to be a roll, right?
Austin: It's gotta be a roll, right? It has to be a Cred—
Keith: All right, what am I rolling?
Austin: This is a Cred roll, two D6. You're looking to get under a three.
Janine: There's a more fun way to do this, but this is the one that confirms the…
Austin: Wait, what's your fun way? Oh, yeah. You're saying we should do it.
Janine: I’m saying the fun way is that Art picks left, middle, or right. Then Keith rolls three dice.
Austin: [laughs] That's very fun.
Janine: And that determines success or failure. [laughs]
Austin: But the thing—
Janine: It’s not the rules of the game, but it is funny.
Austin: Yeah. The stakes are is Keith a good enough…it's not up to chance, right?
Keith: Right. This is my skill versus…
Janine: [laughs] So, I mean, it's still kind of up to chance, still.
Austin: It’s two— yeah, but two D6 versus…I guess, what are the chances? What's better? I don't know math.
Art: Wait, you roll one die. It's two die if you're getting helped.
Austin: It's three die if you're getting help and you have a background. Keith has a background. Sank is a…
Art: Background, there we go.
Austin: Sank is a conman and runs carny games, which I'm gonna say this is.
Keith: Yeah.
Art: Yeah, definitely.
Janine: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Art: I was trying to…
Keith: So I’m looking for under a three. Under a three.
Austin: Under a three. Two D6.
Keith: Oh, I just— [all laugh] I just typed “two D6.”
Austin: Sank just says, “two D6.”
Janine: No one knows what it means. No one has any idea.
Keith: Ooh, double!
Austin: Aces! God damn! Two and a one.
Art: Well, in my head, I had picked the one on the right.
Austin: Ah.
Janine: But there’s only two dice, so it doesn’t count.
Keith: I had them— I had put it in the middle.
Art: Mm.
Keith: So, that's why this didn't work out.
Austin: So you open it up?
Art (as mark): Oh no!
Keith (as Sank): Ah, one out of three chances! So, I guess you lost on this one. That makes total sense, and is—
Austin (as onlooker): Now, now, now, now. Wait a minute. No, yeah, okay. Yeah, uh huh.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin (as onlooker): I was trying to figure out if there were any rules I hadn't considered.
Keith (as Sank): No, just one out of three chances.
Austin (as onlooker): Huh.
Keith (as Sank): And I put the die under, and I move it around, and it never comes out of there.
Art (as mark): It's weird that you're saying that.
Keith (as Sank): No, I…the gentleman asked me for the rules.
Austin (as onlooker): Those are the rules. That seems…
Keith (as Sank): Those are the rules.
Austin (as onlooker): That seems correct.
Keith (as Sank): I will take the watches. Thank you. They're beautiful watches.
Art (as mark): Oh no!
Keith (as Sank): And I am sure that you two can figure out who owes who, what you owe this…you owe the gentleman a watch.
Austin (as onlooker): I would love—
Art (as mark): I think my pops might just flat kill me for this.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, not your pops! Was this— did you take this watch from your pops?
Art (as mark): Yeah!
Keith (as Sank): Oh.
Austin (as onlooker): That wasn't your watch?
Art (as mark): No, I—
Keith (as Sank): [clicks tongue disapprovingly] You borrowed two watches on credit for…? on faith? Two watches on faith for your gambling?
Art (as mark): I heard that someone can make a quick buck out here.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah. Yeah, me! [Austin and Jack laugh]
Art (as mark): Oh. Well, bye then.
Keith (as Sank): Sorry. Yeah, bye.
Austin (as onlooker): Now, wait. Wait, wait. I'm gonna follow you, ‘cause you gotta give me a watch back, buddy.
Art (as mark): I don't have a watch!
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, he lost his watch.
Austin (as onlooker): Come on, pal. Don't you know, uh, you must— [Austin laughs] You must be able to give me a different presidential watch. It doesn't got to be a Grant or a Hayes or whoever was president in 1876. It could be, uh…
Jack: In Bluff City.
Austin: [laughs] In Bluff City.
Austin (as onlooker): I would take, uh, I would take a different pres— I would take a Abraham Lincoln if you got one, even.
Art (as mark): Okay.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, yeah, just a Abraham Lincoln laying around.
Art (as mark): How ‘bout this? I hear that there's a heavily armed truck coming through with a bunch of valuable watches. [Jack laughs] Why don't we just try to rob it later?
Austin (as onlooker): Okay!
Keith (as Sank): Wow!
Art (as mark): All right. We'll do that! [Keith laughs] I'm sure we'll get some watches and not get gunned down in the street horribly.
Austin: Well, Sank, your goal was to do a crime, and I think you've just learned about a crime. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Jack: It’s the most Bluff City. Everybody in Bluff City talks like an NPC in [Austin laughs] like a large open world game going, “Boy, I do hear about that vault down the street.” [Austin laughs]
Keith: Sure would love to steal a truck full of expensive watches today.
Austin: Keith, do you believe that you have, uh, you have successfully done, uh…what's the rule? What's the rule for sliding this around? Uh, you broke the rules.
Keith: Well, here’s—
Austin: You broke the rules.
Keith: Here's the issue.
Austin: You move Corporate to Cred.
Keith: It's…I have chosen a really weird one, because my Corporate is also…is also street crime.
Austin: Well, I think your Corporate is running carnival games for the carnival.
Janine: [crosstalk] Legal.
Keith: Right, yeah. Sure.
Austin: You pocketed those watches, right?
Keith: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Austin: You were doing this instead of putting out the stuffed animals and like adding the water to the water guns that you have to now rush to go do before people…right?
Keith: Yeah. Yeah.
Austin: This is a you thing. I think that that counts.
Keith: Okay, that's fair. Yeah. So that’s—
Austin: And that’s the line we can safely draw between the two. All right. Cattie, Pomp, Melinda.
Keith: I turn the little— I have a little cardboard sign under shell game and I turn it. It’s on a string, and I just turn it from Open to Closed. [Austin laughs] The crowd of people goes like, “Aww,” and I'm like:
Keith (as Sank): All right, everybody, clear out.
Austin: All right. Cattie, Melinda, Pomp. What are you doing during the Opening, the Opening of the day?
Jack: Um, I think I'm— I am gonna go down to the balloon. And, and I want to meet the balloon manager, the person running the balloon. But I don't know that I'm going to go up in it. We'll see, I suppose. I'm weirded out by the fact that Eloise hasn't showed up. And, you know, Eloise said that she was gonna do this thing with me, so I'm like, what the hell's going on here? But I will absolutely introduce myself to the balloon owner, if anybody wants to play a balloon owner.
Janine: I could do a balloon owner. Like, are we thinking like an uptight balloon owner or like a really loose balloon owner or are we just gonna find it in the moment?
Keith: I would love to see a really loose balloon owner, honestly.
Austin: Yeah. [Janine and Jack laugh] Yeah.
Jack: Potentially sets us up for trouble, which I think is, yeah. [Janine and Austin laugh] If you've got a loose balloon owner in you, Janine? [Austin and Keith laugh]
Janine: I'll try. I'll find one. I'll try.
Jack (as Melinda): Uh, hello, are you…is this your balloon?
Janine (as balloon owner): Uh… [Austin laughs] I mean, can one really own a balloon? [Keith, Austin, and Jack laugh]
Keith: Wow, this balloon owner is loose.
Austin: Ohh.
Jack (as Melinda): Sorry, what did you say?
Janine (as balloon owner): Can anyone really own a balloon?
Jack (as Melinda): [excited] Wow. That’s a real—
Keith: A horse girl, but it's a balloon. [Austin laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): That one's a…that one's a puzzler. Is that your name on the side of it?
Janine: [laughs] Yeah, sorry, I saw…I saw “loose balloon owner,” and I thought that was the name, because Jack said, “Is that your name?” as I was reading it. [Austin, Jack, and Keith laugh]
Art: Oh, like L-U-C-E.
Austin: Yeah, Luce.
Art: Balloonowner, one word? [Keith and Janine laugh]
Austin: There. Got it.
Jack: Is Luce, like…
Jack (as Melinda): I don't mean to be rude, but like, when I do think about balloons, I like…I do like it that they're attached to the beach by a big rope. Does that cause you any trouble? [Keith laughs]
Janine (as Luce): What? Why would it? Having it…having it on a rope? It’s…
Jack (as Melinda): No, I mean, your…
Janine (as Luce): Opposite of trouble.
Jack (as Melinda): Well, you see how your name is Luce?
Janine (as Luce): Trouble’s when it's not on the rope. Then you gotta run after it. [Keith laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): Mm.
Janine (as Luce): You gotta…wait it out. [Janine laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): You know what, don't worry about it. [Austin and Keith laugh] My name’s Melinda. I work over there.
Jack: Points at like stall, where like two people are now standing outside the stall, and they're angry ‘cause they don't know where the proprietor is. [Austin chuckles]
Jack (as Melinda): I work over that, but I think you spoke to the beach supervisor, the beach superintendent, and, uh, he said that you'd get some help during the day, and I'm one of the kids who's gonna come and help you. [chuckles sheepishly] I'm talking too much. I'm just really excited about the balloon, Luce!
Janine (as Luce): Hey, great. So am I. Uh, how strong are your hands? [Austin laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): [taken aback] What?
Janine (as Luce): You have strong hands, right? Like, pretty strong?
Jack (as Melinda): Why do I need— why do I need strong hands?
Janine (as Luce): Here, shake my hand. Shake my left hand first, and then shake my— like, we'll swap. We'll check each one.
Jack (as Melinda): Okay. This is…yep, this is my left hand.
Janine (as Luce): Mm-hmm.
Jack (as Melinda): And this one's, now this is my right hand.
Janine (as Luce): Eh, you're okay. You're okay. It's not the strongest, but you know. You can grip.
Jack (as Melinda): Why do I need strong hands? Why do— what?
Janine (as Luce): I mean, you know, in case the rope, uh, gets loose or, um, you gotta catch something. You know, things happen around balloons. You just gotta be on your toes. I need to know you're ready.
Jack (as Melinda): I'm 12. [Keith and Art laugh]
Janine (as Luce): Yeah. Listen, I was catching things from balloons when I was six. This is my family business. [laughs softly] You just gotta— you just, you know, it'll…you gotta roll with the punches. You'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Don't— especially don't worry. Don't think about it. Don't get in your head around a balloon. You just gotta like feel it, and then it'll work out. It'll all be good.
[0:45:02]
Jack (as Melinda): How many people go in the balloon at once?
Janine (as Luce): Depends.
Jack (as Melinda): Uh huh?
Janine (as Luce): Sometimes a lady's got a big hat, so we don't put as many people in there.
Jack (as Melinda): You'll put as many people in there because a lady has a—
Austin: Oh.
Janine (as Luce): No, don't put as many people in there if the lady's got a big hat.
Austin: You said depends. I thought you said tens. [laughs]
Janine: [laughs] No. Depends.
Austin: And that’s too many! [Austin and Jack laugh]
Janine: Depends how big people's clothes are.
Jack (as Melinda): Can we— uh, can we go up in it before…? Like, I want to get a sense of the view so that I can like sell the balloon. Not sell, you know, sell tickets to the balloon and be able to speak with authority.
Janine (as Luce): Yeah, relax. I didn't think you were gonna sell my balloon.
Jack (as Melinda): Well, okay. [Austin and Art laugh]
Janine (as Luce): I mean, we’ll go up a little bit. We can't go all the way up, ‘cause that takes quite a while. It takes time. I don't know if we can…but, you know, I don't want to…I don't like being a no man. I like being— I don't like being a yes man either. I like being an in between man, so.
Jack (as Melinda): What's in between yes and no?
Janine (as Luce): It's like, [ambivalently] sure. [Keith and Austin laugh quietly]
Jack: Uh, what does the balloon look like?
Janine: Um…
Austin: Oh. Well, it said— does it say “magnificent” on it? [laughs]
Jack: [laughs] It could be. Maybe it does. I don't know. Janine?
Janine: Hang on. I have to google [typing] 1900s hot air balloon, ‘cause I want…they didn't look as like zany as the 1800 ones, which is a real shame.
Keith: Zany how?
Jack: Ah, the 1800s ones looked…
Janine: Ballooning at the 1900 Summer Olympics. That’s not a…
Austin: I gotta see these.
Janine: That's not a sport.
Austin: What, that’s not a sport? Is that not a sport?
Janine: Oh, they're very, like, orbular. They're like perfect spheres.
Art: What are these, racing balloons?
Austin: You could race a balloon.
Janine: I don't know.
Austin: [mumbles]
Keith: Yeah, they still race balloons.
Janine: Yeah, this is wild. This was— this wasn't— I thought this was just gonna be like a thing. This was an actual event.
Austin: Oh, wow. Yeah, it's like a whole thing.
Janine: Um, anyway, so I guess it's like, it's like a—
Austin: They went far.
Janine: It's like a huge-ass sphere. I think it's probably, uh, the classic like red, white, and blue stripes. And I think the name, like…oh, I think the thing…I think the thing on the side, I think the words on the side are like Luce’s Goose or something, or like…
Austin: Uh huh? [Jack laughs softly]
Janine: Something, something like really, it has to sound like rhymey but also like…oh man, I found a big balloon that says “La Coquette” on the side, and I love it. I actually changed my mind. I want it to look like this thing.
Austin: Does it still say Luce’s Goose?
Janine: No, it says La Coquette. But this could say, like…
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Art: Mm.
Janine: This could say like, the Luce Goose or something. But then it still has like the banner pattern and the like weird floating cherub cloud person? There's like a horse chariot or some shit on there. It's…it's great. It’s gotta be this.
Austin: Does it say The Loose Goose L-O-O-S-E or L-U-C-E?
Janine: No, like the name.
Austin: Okay.
Janine: Like the name that we've decided is the name.
Austin: That we’ve now said. Okay.
Janine: Mm.
Keith: Now, is goose spelled also G-U-C-E?
Austin: Good question. Great question. Yeah, it is. [Art, Keith, and Janine laugh] Got it. Thanks, Keith.
[they begin pronouncing it with bad French accents]
Keith: Guce.
Austin: Guce. The Luce Guce.
Jack: By the same (??? 48:38)
Art: Luce…Guce!
Austin: [laughs] Sorry, it's actually— it's actually L-E. It's Le Luce Guce.
Janine: The Luce Guce. [pronounced loo-chay goo-chay]
Austin: Right, yes.
Jack: Oh.
Austin: Of course.
Jack: Um, and I guess as we get up, the view is just— the view is just tremendous, right? Over like—
Janine: Oh, we’re not going that high.
Jack: Oh, how— oh. [Art, Austin, and Jack laugh]
Keith: I have, uh…has anyone been in a hot air balloon before?
Jack: [laughs] No.
Janine: No.
Austin: Only— not very high. Yeah, but not very high and only when I was very young.
Keith: Yes, I—
Art: It seems terrifying.
Austin: It was terrifying.
Keith: I was in a hot air balloon. I was probably like 14. And yeah, it…it is probably exactly what is happening here. It was a RE/MAX balloon, the realtors had…
Janine: Oh, sure.
Keith: And it went up like, yeah, maybe 80 feet?
Austin: Oh, that’s so high. I hate it.
Keith: Tied to, you know, a series of thick ropes. It was not loose. And they just like let a bunch of people up, and they would bring it back down and let people back up, and it would come down. But yeah, 80 feet, that seems maybe pretty high for…although, I don't know. It is the…it's the early 20th century. Maybe they were like, “Eh, let ‘em up as big— what's the biggest rope we've got?” [Austin chuckles]
Art: Yeah, safety hadn't even been invented yet. [laughter]
Keith: Yeah, they hadn’t invented safety.
Janine: Yeah.
Jack: Uh, I'm putting a picture in the Bluff City chat. This was a balloon that landed accidentally in like behind my house, like two weeks ago.
Janine: Oh.
Art: What?
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: Wild.
Jack: ‘Cause you know how they kind of just come down where they want. [laughs softly]
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Austin: Right, sure.
Keith: Right. Yeah, you just have…yeah, you just gotta come down sometimes.
Jack: When you're a balloon. It was wild. This thing was huge.
Keith: Yeah, they're really big.
Austin: They’re big. They're big.
Keith: They're way— if you've never seen a hot air balloon, it is a lot bigger than you think.
Jack (as Melinda): Luce, I can't see anything. I can't even see over the laundrette.
Janine (as Luce): Yeah, you can. Look, it’s—
Jack (as Melinda): I’m shorter than you.
Janine (as Luce): Okay, I’ll…well, get on your— well, don't get on your toes probably. [Keith laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): How high does it go?
Janine (as Luce): Yeah, I can— I’ll give us— you know what, I’ll give us a couple more feet.
Austin: Oh no.
Jack (as Melinda): Okay, yeah. Nice. How did you get into the ballooning business, then?
Janine (as Luce): Family business.
Jack (as Melinda): It's a family business? Your parents do it?
Janine (as Luce): Yeah. Yeah.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Janine (as Luce): Dad had a balloon.
Jack (as Melinda): Mom was a…was a balloon walker lady, one of those like, you get two balloons up there. You put a rope between ‘em. You walk between the rope.
Austin: [horrified] No.
Jack (as Melinda): Whoa! That’s amazing.
Janine (as Luce): It's…that's a job you need strong hands for.
Jack (as Melinda): If you take us up five feet, we can see into the hotel swimming pool. [Austin laughs softly]
Janine: [laughs in surprise] What?
Jack (as Melinda): Just five more feet. Like, it's a swimming pool from above. It looks really cool. It's 1900. We haven't invented television yet. [Janine and Austin laugh] Just take us up five feet, Luce.
Janine (as Luce): All right. Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Jack (as Melinda): This is great. You into barrel organs? [quiet laughter]
Janine (as Luce): I mean, what kind of…you got some…what's the art you got on it?
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, what's the art you haven't got on it? There's like art that just says Bluff City. There's like art of a…
Janine (as Luce): Mm-hmm.
Jack (as Melinda): I bet you could take us up like 10 more feet, while I tell you about this.
Janine (as Luce): I'll take us up one more foot for each cool thing you tell me is on that barrel organ.
Jack: Oh my god! I mean… [laughs softly] I think I can roll for this.
Austin: Yeah, this is a roll. I was waiting for the roll. Here we go.
Jack: I mean, the thing is, I know everything that there is to know about barrel organs.
Austin: You do. [laughs] Unfortunately, that only gives you one more die.
Jack: [laughs] Yeah, that’s true. [Austin laughs] How high are we by now, Janine?
Janine: Um, I think we're probably like, above the buildings. Like, above the tallest buildings in the area by, like, a bit. Um…I bet we're like…you know the Gillette “Shave Yourself” sign? [Janine and Jack laugh]
Austin: Boy, do I! [Jack and Keith laugh]
Janine: We’re probably like just out of frame on that picture.
Jack: Oh, wow, that’s—
Art: They're photographing it right now. It's…
Jack: Yeah.
Art: It's very early this is opening. This is, uh, staged.
Jack: Oh! I rolled two ones!
Austin: That's a complete success, presumably.
Keith: Perfect roll.
Austin: Perfect roll.
Jack (as Melinda): All right, open her up, Luce. Let's see how high we can go.
Austin: Well, wait, what are the details? [Janine laughs softly] I want to hear the facts.
Jack: Mm, how many? [Art laughs]
Austin: However many you want to give us. You succeeded, but like, that just tells me that you did a good job at it enough to convince Luce, but you have to still tell us the fun art and—
Jack: Hey, fine.
Jack (as Melinda): Look, the first barrel organ was invented in 1811 by Handel Strauss. He had two composers for his name, and that was like, aus— that was— that was auspicious, as far as the barrel organs were concerned. You know, back then the barrel organs were pretty rudimentary, so they made up for it with like interesting colors on the side. You know, my favorite is like a classic from like, 19—
Jack: Sorry. 19? [laughs] From the future?
Austin: [laughing] From the future.
Jack (as Melinda): My favorite’s like a classic from like, uh, 1811. It's red striped. But there's also a really nice one from 1819 that has like, it has an image of the old king on the front, and he's like smiling and laughing. You know, it's very exciting to think about what barrel organs could be like in the future. You know, maybe as we move into the 20th century, you know, we move into the 1900s, what kind of new innovations are going to happen to barrel organs? Now, me, here's what I think: a second crank. [Art laughs] ‘Cause right now, the barrel organ is what we call crank limited. You turn that crank… [Austin laughs] And think about this. A second crank, you could get second, a second person involved. People would be way more excited to see a second person turning the crank. You could get…okay, in barrel organ lingo, we call it polyphonics, which is like two notes playing at once. But with two cranks, the amount of— wow, we're really quite high up now, aren’t we? [Art laughs]
Janine: No, we only went up like one foot. You didn't answer their question. [Art and Janine laugh] I just need you to answer their questions.
Jack: What question’s that?
Art: Crank Limited is my next…
Janine: They wanted to know the kind of stuff that was painted on the barrel organs. [laughs] And you had the classic enthusiast’s dilemma of…
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine: What if I just tell you everything about barrel organs? [Austin and Jack laugh] I mean, you succeeded, so you have to go up higher, but.
Austin: I asked what your favorite Pokemon was, and you started telling me about EV values, and I was like, all right. [laughs] I just wanted to know which weird rat you like best. [Jack and Keith laugh]
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, I think I’m ready to go down now.
Keith: Oh, of just the rats, it’s Raichu, obviously.
Austin: Raichu gets— Raichu’s good.
Janine: I think maybe the thing that happens…
Austin: Sorry, continue.
Janine: Maybe the thing that happens, 'cause obviously you succeeded on that roll, so like, we have to have gone higher. I think, at the point where there's only like one or two examples of like stuff painted on the barrel organs, [Jack chuckles] Luce just lets the balloon go higher anyway, and is then like:
Janine (as Luce): Hey, look how high we are. [Janine and Austin laugh]
Jack (as Melinda): Ooh.
Janine (as Luce): It’s pretty cool, right?
Jack: Like, white knuckles gripping the side of the basket.
Jack (as Melinda): [a little nervous] Ooh. Yeah. That's my stall down there. Okay, let's go down.
Janine: Luce like taps the back of Melinda's hands, like:
Janine (as Luce): See? Strong hands. Need ‘em.
Jack (as Melinda): [quietly] Mm-hmm.
Janine: And then brings the— starts to bring the balloon back down.
Austin: It takes a while, right?
Janine: I believe this kind of balloon, um…I don't think they had the like, gas heat-y flame thing that we think of now.
Austin: Ah, okay.
Janine: Like, if you look at the pictures of these balloons, the bottom of the balloon is all sealed up.
Austin: Right.
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Janine: The ones— I'm not a hundred percent familiar with like 1900s balloons, but I know the 1800s regency ones would be like, on a rope usually, and they'd heat the gas up periodically, but I think it was more about like using the rope to raise and lower it.
Austin: Right. Gotcha, gotcha.
Janine: Again, I could be wrong. I'm not a balloon-spert.
Keith: [reading] “In 1960, Paul E. Yost and three others formed Raven Industries in Sioux Falls, South Dakota and developed the modern hot air balloon [Austin: Huh.] and the propane gas burner, which made sustained flight possible.”
Austin: Gotcha.
Janine: That's a lot more recent than I would have expected.
Keith: Really, really recent. Yeah.
Austin: Yeah. [laughs] Sorry about what happened where, uh, planes.
Janine: Wait, so—
Austin: Planes kind of beat you there.
Janine: So, wait, the RE/MAX thing is actually like…the RE/MAX balloon marketing was actually like, hey, look at this sick technology. We can have balloons that fly around now.
Austin: Yeah, uh huh.
Janine: That's weird.
Austin: It is weird.
Jack: They did that, and then nine years later, they put people on the moon.
Austin: Uh huh.
Jack: Time is really weird.
Austin: Time is weird.
Keith: Yeah. Apparently, it's really hard to get a balloon to fly you around where you want to go.
Austin: Yeah, I bet.
Jack: Yeah, it seems like it.
Austin: I bet.
Keith: The balloon was—
Art: And it’s sort of also hard to get a rocket ship to fly you where you want to go, but (??? 57:48) work on both.
Keith: But only nine years harder. [Austin laughs] Actually, a lot fewer years harder, because they were trying— they were do— they'd been doing balloons for a couple hundred years in the 1960s.
Austin: Yeah, uh huh.
Keith: And they had not been doing—
Janine: I bet they— I bet it was one of those things where like, they weren't taking it seriously. You know, like…
Keith: Right.
Janine: At the point where you have Zeppelins and stuff, who gives a shit about the hot air balloon? It's just, people just want to go high up and look at stuff and then come back down.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: I think I…
Austin: Go ahead.
Jack: I succeeded with impulsiveness, so I think I can move a point.
Austin: I'm not gonna fight that.
Janine: Eh, it's true.
Austin: All right.
Jack: Also, Keith, I think you need to update yours, if you…
Keith: You're right, I do.
Austin: You do.
Jack: Or did we agree that you didn't last time?
Keith: No, no, I did.
Austin: Yeah, you did. You did. [amused] Janine, I like that you've used the dollar sign for Corp and the unaffiliated currency symbol for Cred. I appreciate it.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Austin: Um, Cattie? Pomp? Scenes?
Art: How do you follow that?
Austin: Eh, you'll find it. You’ll find it. [Janine laughs softly]
Art: It feels so boring. I mean, I think it's just— I think I want to just paint Pomp opening the funnel cake stand, sort of maybe talking about the balloon with someone. Is there anyone who has balloon thoughts or wants to be a balloon hawker?
Austin: Oh, I thought that was the end of the sentence.
Art: Who’s the balloon’s hype team? The street team for the balloon.
Austin: I thought the “who wants to be a balloon,” I thought was the end of what you were saying, [Janine laughs softly] and it was not, I guess. Um, who's around? I guess Cattie is still around.
Janine: Yeah, I've painted Cattie as like being out on the boardwalk at the moment, like getting candids of the people who work there and stuff. So it makes sense to me that she might pop up to take pictures of Pomp.
Art: Just mixing up a batch of funnel cake batter.
Janine: Yeah.
Art: Which I assume you had to make by hand back then.
Austin: Sure.
Janine: I would—
Art: Now I bet it comes in a weird gel tube.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: Ew.
Art: You know, like a…
Austin: [laughs] A gel tube?
Janine: [laughs] Gel?
Austin: Art is exactly right, in fact. [Keith laughs]
[1:00:02]
Janine: What?
Austin: [laughs] It's actually— one second. I'm gonna link it.
Keith: God.
Janine: I would have thought like a powder.
Austin: Okay, this is— it’s more of like a, this like a… [laughs] I would use this to water plants is what I would say.
Janine: What?
Austin: Click through. [laughs] It's like pancake mix.
Keith: Oh! [laughs]
Austin: Yes.
Keith: This is for home use. This is not…
Austin: Oh, they probably do the same thing.
Keith: Right. But it's— this is not— you don’t buy a gel from—
Austin: Sorry, industrial funnel cake mix, [typing] all right? Let me, let's see.
Janine: Yeah, this isn't gel.
Keith: Right, you're not buying—
Janine: This is just pancake mix with a spigot.
Austin: It’s pancake mix. It's pancake mix.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Yeah, you're right.
Keith: 'Cause, uh…
Janine: You can just buy these on their own.
Keith: I thought you meant like you're getting a tube of gel from a distributor, and I was like, there's no way [Austin laughs] that they have turned water, flour, sugar, and egg into a gel and that's easier.
Art: No, I don't mean that the substance is a gel. I mean it's like one of those like, um…ooh, no one's gonna get that. Has anyone ever seen like what movie theater butter comes in?
Austin: Oh, I hate this.
Keith: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Art: Like that.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Not a fan. Just like a thing…
Keith: Not a fan to think about it or not a fan to eat it?
Austin: I'll eat it.
Keith: Yeah, okay.
Austin: I don't want to think about it. Anyway, what's the scene? You're making your funnel cake mix.
Art: Yeah, I'm making a big batch of funnel cake…uh…
Janine: Batter?
Art: Batter, yeah. You don’t— you can't pre-make the funnel cake. It gets, uh, cold.
Keith: [laughs] Yeah, if you do the batter first, it stays hot. [Janine laughs]
Art: You can't make the batt— if you start making the batter when someone orders, it takes a long time.
Keith: [laughs] Right.
Art: Well, and the balloon just went up, right?
Austin: Yeah. Presumably.
Janine: Yeah.
Art: So I think it's like—
Austin: Or it’s going up now.
Art: It’s like:
Art (as Pomp): Holy shit.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: It's, you know…I don't have this.
Austin: You'll get there. We'll slow it down. What is—I’ll ask some questions.
Janine: I mean, the thing you want…the overall thing you want as a character, right, is to discover a secret. Right?
Art: Right, yeah. But like, you can't start— you can't say the phrase to someone, “I want to discover a secret.” [Keith laughs]
Janine: No.
Art: And you also can’t, like, really start there either. I think, like, this has to be like a slow burn.
Austin: What if, uh…
Art: Slow burn to a secret.
Austin: What if— what if Cattie overhear— not overhears you, but sees you eavesdropping on people?
Art: Sure, like making funnel cake batter and like leaning over at the…
Austin: [laughs] And the batter is…
Art: …kimono tent next door.
Austin: Right. And the batter is like not getting made right. [laughs] It's drying out too quick or something.
Art: The flour’s not getting in.
Austin: Yeah, ugh.
Art: I’m just like essentially making, um…
Janine: It’s all lumpy.
Art: Uh, yeah, or, um…what is it? Meringue? I’m essentially making a meringue.
Austin: Funnel meringue.
Art: I’m just beating the eggs. Is there eggs in funnel cake? Am I wrong about this?
Keith: Yeah, no, there’s eggs.
Austin: There’s gotta be eggs in there.
Keith: There's not—
Art: All right.
Keith: It's not meringued eggs, but it’s like, you know.
Janine: I would guess like eggs, oil…milk, flour.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Like an egg with a pancake thing.
Art: An egg with a pancake.
Keith: Right, it's just— I mean, it's just like fried pancake with a little extra sugar, right?
Austin: Yeah, I think that that's right.
Art: I have no idea.
Austin: I think that that's correct.
Keith: Actually, now that I say that out loud, funnel cake is so— why have I not ever had funnel cake on purpose, except for—
Austin: You've never had funnel cake?
Keith: No, no, sorry. Like, I've been to a carnival and gotten funnel cake there.
Jack: [quietly] I’ve never had funnel cake.
Austin: [outraged] You’ve never had funnel cake?
Keith: We— to be— okay, to be clear.
Austin: No, Janine just said she's never had funnel cake.
Keith: Janine, have you had fried dough?
Jack: I’ve personally never had funnel cake.
Janine: Um, I've had like donuts.
Keith: Um, no.
Austin: It’s not the same. It's not the same. It's not as airy. I have funnel cake maybe…I can count on two hands how many times I’ve had funnel cake in my life, but they’re good times.
Keith: I have never had funnel cake, because where I live doesn't do funnel cake; they do fried dough. It's the same thing, but it's a disc instead of a funnel.
Art: Oh, like in, uh, in New York specifically, you get zeppole instead, which is…
Austin: Yeah, you can get zeppole, and it's not the same thing. It’s close.
Keith: What is it? Zeppole?
Austin: Zeppole.
Art: Zeppole. It's an Italian version of this.
Keith: Is that—
Art: It’s a ball.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Yeah, people have been frying dough for as long as dough and oil.
Keith: And fry.
Austin: Yeah, uh huh.
Art: Yeah, every culture has fried dough what we put sweet things on.
Austin: Yeah, ‘cause it's good.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: But the funnel cake, the shape…
Janine: I’ve just never been to like a fair or a carnival or anything like that, so.
Austin: Can we please go to Bluff City? I'm begging us.
Keith: You’ve never been to a fair or a carnival?
Janine: No. They're not really— I've been to like a farmers’…
Austin: No.
Janine: …exhibition?
Keith: Where do you see giant gourds?
Janine: I have no— I don't.
Austin: The farmers’ exposition— exhibition. [chuckles]
Janine: No, they had like horses. It's just kind of not a thing as much.
Austin: Oh, I love this.
Janine: I mean, I'm sure it's a thing in places. I've been to like a Scottish festival, but again, that wasn't really a food kind of thing.
Keith: I've talked to people who have not known what I meant when I say fried dough.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Austin, I heard you say it's not the same as funnel cake.
Austin: It’s not.
Keith: But I do want to just double check. It is just literally the same thing, right?
Austin: Yeah, but I think the shape and the function.
Janine: The dough and the batter aren’t the same thing.
Austin: I think that the function or like that there's something different about pulling a string of funnel cake off of the grouping. Do you know what I mean? It's like the difference between drinking from a can and a glass.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: You're not wrong that they're the same thing. It’s the difference between onion rings and onion strings.
Keith: Sure.
Austin: There's a difference.
Keith: Yes. Yeah, there’s a— yeah.
Austin: The phenomenal experience of eating these things is fundamentally…you're not wrong that it's fried dough or whatever with sugar on top. Like, it really is just that same thing. But that experience of unpeeling the funnel cake is part of it for me. It's like the difference between like a cinnamon roll that you kind of like eat and like you kind of un—
Janine: I’ve had a churro?
Austin: Yeah, okay.
Janine: Does that…okay.
Austin: Yeah, this is all in the same space. We're all in the same….
Janine: All right. Okay.
Austin: You know. I'm not taking away. I'm just, I wish I could get everyone on the funnel cake train.
Janine: Sure.
Austin: I wish I could have some funnel cake. It's been a long time.
Janine: I would love to get on a train with a bunch of funnel cake.
Art: You should buy one of those things.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: No, I'm not gonna make funnel cake. At that point, I don't…it's not the same.
Keith: Well, this is what I was saying, is that you just could make it. I mean, I make pancakes all the time.
Austin: Yeah, you could. You could.
Keith: The only difference is that I pancake it instead of fry it.
Austin: Right, instead of frying it. Yeah.
Janine: I mean, I bet— you're in New York. I bet you could just find a place that—
Austin: The street fairs—
Janine: Top 10 best funnel cake in New York, like, it’s…
Austin: Once they bring back street fairs, I can get funnel cake at a street fair. That's probably the last place I had it.
Art: San Gennaro was happening when I was there.
Austin: See, I should have gotten funnel cake. Eh, that’s not gonna have funnel cake.
Art: But that’s zeppole. It’s Italian.
Austin: They're gonna have zeppole. They're gonna have zeppole. Yeah. But the ones that happen in my neighborhood absolutely have had funnel cake before. I've smelled it. I've seen it. I just haven't gotten it, ‘cause like, I don't wanna be the person who's like, give me the one— I'm alone at the street fair, and I would like a funnel cake, please.
Keith: [gently sarcastic] Yeah, they're gonna fucking hate you for that.
Austin: Well, listen.
Janine: You're definitely not gonna be the 50th person who is…
Austin: I don't want to be in public ever, let alone be [Keith: yeah] in public and eating funnel cake by myself. It's a…it's a hard world out here.
Janine: Which part of— hang on, which part of New York do you live in, in terms of the shape?
Austin: What?
Janine: The— I don't remember which area of New York you're in.
Austin: [laughing quietly] In terms of the shape? Do you have a quick reference?
Janine: I don't know. I just…I just…
Austin: Tell me the shape—
Art: Tell me some things via shape that you know.
Austin: [laughs] Yeah, tell me the shape in your mind that you think New York is.
Janine: [laughs] I just wanted to see which funnel cake place was closer to you, okay?
Austin: [laughs] Okay! I'm in the—
Janine: Bu I don't know New York.
Austin: Uh huh. I mean, I know where I would get good funnel cake in this neighborhood. I've been to that place recently.
Janine: Okay. Okay, so you can achieve it. Okay.
Austin: Funnel cake is not a hard thing to achieve in the world, as Keith has pointed out.
Janine: Okay?
Keith: Right. I do just— I want to know…and I get, I understand the question, but I do just want to know what word, Janine, you were looking for from Austin when you said what shape.
Austin: [laughs softly] Yes.
Keith: Like, if…the round part? [laughs]
Janine: Oh. Like the island or like the top part—
Keith: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Janine: Or like the bottom one or like the other bits. You know, whatever.
Austin: Uh huh.
Art: Austin’s in the other bits, from this descriptor. [Janine laughs]
Austin: From the descriptions that you’ve said, I'm in the other bits.
Keith: Yeah.
Janine: Okay. [laughs softly]
Austin: The middle bit is Manhattan, and not there.
Janine: Yeah, that’s like expensive town.
Keith: The strip.
Austin: Right, it’s the long strip, right, that has the two rivers. I'm across the rivers to the east.
Janine: Okay. Well, that, yeah.
Austin: In the big bit that no one wants to admit is Long Island but it's Long Island.
Janine: It’s fine. If you already have a funnel cake place, then all of this is moot. Also, most of them seem to be in Manhattan for some reason.
Austin: Yeah, well.
Janine: Anyway.
Art: That’s why they call it Funnel Cake Island.
Janine: No.
Austin: Y'all want to start a business called Funnel Cake Island? [typing]
Janine: One of them’s called Dough.
Austin: Yeah, that sounds like Manhattan.
Janine: Which, again, it's batter, so.
Keith: Yeah.
Janine: It’s a difference.
Austin: Funnel Cake Island exists. It's in Cincinnati. [Keith laughs] It’s not a joke! [laughs]
Art: Well, we found a place for our next live show.
Austin: We did it, everybody. Also, I don't think that their funnel cake looks very good. It is a very Cincinnati way of doing funnel cake in my experience, in my opinion.
Art: It’s got chili on it?
Janine: It’s like a deep dish funnel cake?
Austin: It's so a Cincinnati thing of like…look at how much shit is on this funnel cake.
Keith: Oh, yeah.
Austin: It’s just too much!
Keith: This looks like a shitty diner’s most expensive pancake.
Austin: Yeah, I hate this. This is way too much.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: I just want…ugh, anyway.
Keith: You're just gonna have soggy dough under there.
Austin: That's exactly it, isn't it?
Art: Yeah, this is…
Austin: That’s exactly it.
Art: Unless it's like those like weird Japanese pancakes. People like those.
Keith: Do you know this about Cinc— is that a Cincinnati thing, is that they have too many toppings on everything?
Art: No, I think Austin's just stereotyping about Cincinnati.
Austin: I think this about Cincinnati chili. I don't like chili very much, but Cincinnati chili is this exact thing. Have you not seen Cincinnati chili before?
Keith: No.
Austin: Let me see.
Art: Oh, it's…they put like noodles in it.
Austin: It's— they put noodles under it, and then they put all of the cheese in the world on top of it.
Keith: Oh, what? Ew.
Austin: This is—
Janine: Oh, I love…I love the look of that, to be honest with you.
Keith: Really?
Austin: But this is the same theme. This is the same theme, to me.
Keith: I saw this picture and immediately hated it.
Austin: Yeah, I'm with you. [Art laughs]
Janine: I like a really spicy chunky pasta sauce.
Austin: Sure.
Keith: Okay.
Janine: So there's an appeal here to me.
Austin: I can see this.
Keith: I can see that.
Janine: Anyway, we should probably do this scene?
Austin: I would love to do this scene. I think, also, I'm gonna make the call that we're going to play the short version of this game, where we eliminate Morning and After Hours or whatever and Evening, and we just do Opening, Lunch…we do only— we do one, two— we do four instead of six. Because it's already been an hour, and we have— we're not even out of the first day. [laughs softly]
Janine: Uh huh.
Austin: Or the first…
Art: Austin, it's been 90 minutes.
Austin: Oh my god.
Art: Um, so yeah, trying to like eavesdrop over with the…I said kimono stand, because there’s like two kimono shops in the picture. [Art and Austin laugh] But it could be anything really. The workers at the stand next door, who aren't talking about anything secret, it turns out.
Austin: They’re just talking about prices or something, right?
Art: I guess we should get to that. Yeah. And is just trying to like spin the— not spin, stir the thing. But you know when you’re trying to stir something and it's a little sticky and you're not paying enough attention, so all you are doing is just spinning a bowl? That, but with a really big spoon [Austin laughs] and a really big bowl, ‘cause it's all day worth of batter.
Janine: So, there's a click and like a…Cattie’s been standing nearby but hasn't said anything or gotten close enough to interrupt. So there's a click, and then she winds her film and then walks over and says, uh…
Art (as Pomp): [surprised] Huh?
Janine (as Cattie): Eavesdropping?
Art (as Pomp): [bluffing] Oh. Nope, nope. Just, um, um, I…someone lost an earring, and I was looking for it.
Janine (as Cattie): In the air? [Art chuckles]
Art (as Pomp): Well, you don't know what height it fell from. [Austin laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): [laughing] Or if it stopped falling. I don't know how long ago it fell, so.
Keith: It fell from the balloon.
Janine (as Cattie): Could till be on the way.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah! Be any of those, really.
Janine (as Cattie): Uh huh. I’ll let you know if it turns up in the photos.
Art (as Pomp): Now I'll see if it's in the bowl here.
Art: Goes back to stirring the…
Janine (as Cattie): I fucking hope it’s not! [Austin laughs]
Art (as Pomp): I mean, weirder stuff has happened. You know, they haven't invented food safety laws yet.
Janine (as Cattie): Whose earring is this? There's no one else…I mean, is it one of theirs, at the booth over there? Should I ask them about it?
Art (as Pomp): No, no. It was, uh, someone came by and said she was about to lose an earring, and that's why I was looking in the air. She's gone now.
Janine (as Cattie): You okay today, Pomp? [Keith laughs]
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, I’m doing fine! I don’t know what’s weird about this. [Keith laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): [laughs] You seem a little edgy, that’s all.
Art (as Pomp): Well, um…you know, the summer’s winding down. It's…it's feeling, uh, nostalgic.
Janine (as Cattie): Uh, sure. I mean, that's fair.
Art (as Pomp): I’m not gonna get to do this forever.
Janine (as Cattie): No. It's a pain in the ass taking photos in the snow, too. Kind of blows everything out.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, and I imagine that it freezes your little windy thing and you can't move the film. You just take all the pictures on the same spot.
Janine (as Cattie): It's not wet.
Art (as Pomp): No?
Janine (as Cattie): No.
Art (as Pomp): Look, I don't know how cameras work.
Janine (as Cattie): You think they're full of water?
Art (as Pomp): Well, they're like— it's like, you gotta— you gotta lubricate the mechanism.
Janine (as Cattie): Sure, but…
Art (as Pomp): What stops it from just rusting up on you?
Janine (as Cattie): The lubrication.
Art (as Pomp): Well, so that can— if that freezes, you got a trapped bit there. Look, it’s…
Janine: Cattie is now wondering about like how well the funnel cake machinery is maintained.
Austin: [laughs] Yeah.
Janine: [laughs] Or how well the bits and pieces there are…
Art (as Pomp): Well, there’s not a lot going on here. It's, you know. We got the big thing of oil. We got the funnel. End of list.
Austin (as customer): Um, hello, is my morning, uh, cake ready?
Austin: This is Mr. Willacker who's here.
Art: Mm.
Austin: Local teacher. You probably have— you were probably in Mr. Willacker's class at some point. And comes by and asks, you know, gets a little funnel cake in the morning.
Art (as Pomp): Ah, just a minute. The batter's almost ready.
Art: Stirs it a little harder. Gets the flour off the side finally.
Janine (as Cattie): [rotely] Good morning, Mr. Willacker.
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): [enunciating in disapproval] It is almost 6:45. Why is my morning funnel cake not ready yet, Mr. Circumstance?
Art (as Pomp): Oh, you know, it's really…the mechanism’s very complicated. You gotta…you gotta warm it up, et cetera.
Janine (as Cattie): Gotta get it wet.
Art (as Pomp): Gotta get it wet.
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): [disapproving] Hmm.
Art (as Pomp): You test— that's how you test the oil. You flick a little bit of water in, and if you get a small grease fire, you know it's ready.
[1:15:02]
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): I don't want my funnel cake burned. It’s a very important day.
Art (as Pomp): No, that’s why you gotta test. Here, here. It's ready, it's ready. Let's just get that in.
Art: I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't know how you put the batter from the… [laughs softly] from the…
Janine: You saw the spout, the thing with the spout. You spout it into the thing.
Art: [laughing] Yeah, but is there like a giant bag, do you think?
Janine: What?
Art: Well, 'cause how’s it go from the bowl to the spout?
Keith: You pour it or spoon it.
Janine: Spoon. You spoon it in, yeah.
Austin: You spoon it in.
Art: Spoon into the thing.
Austin: I think thing that that makes sense. You spoon it in.
Art: And it probably isn't a trigger mechanism yet, so it’s probably a…
Janine: Could be…it could be a bowl with like a spout on it, you know?
Austin: Yeah, and you pour it in sheets.
Keith: And, you know, this is early days. I bet they have not…the, uh…the funnel cake spout industry hasn't blown up. I bet people just pouring it right from the bowl.
Austin: Right from the bowl.
Art: Yeah, I bet we wouldn't find these…
Janine: Or a ladle would be another option.
Art: Sure.
Janine: A little…
Art: Well, you think you need a funnel. That's why it's a funnel cake.
Austin: You do need a funnel, 'cause…
Janine: Sure, but you could ladle into the funnel.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Sure. Yeah, I like that. It's a big ladle— it’s a big funnel, and a big ladle, and you just put it in and you drop the thing.
Art (as Pomp): All right, it’s only gonna be another minute or so.
Janine: Cattie takes a photo of Mr. Willacker frowning.
Art (as Pomp): You wanna—
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): I did not tell you you could take my photograph! You know I don't believe in the device.
Janine (as Cattie): Well, it’s here whether you believe in it or not.
Art (as Pomp): [crosstalk] Oh, don't worry. It's not gonna freeze up.
Art: Oh, sorry.
Janine: [laughs] No, it’s fine.
Janine (as Cattie): It also won't freeze up.
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): [grumbles] I want you to destroy that photograph.
Janine (as Cattie): Well, it's on film, Mr. Willacker. So it's a…it's not a plate that I can just smash for you. It's in the reel now. [Austin laughs softly]
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): I'll tell you what's in the real, the trouble you'll be in when I talk to your manager. [Janine laughs softly]
Janine (as Cattie): My manager sent me out here to get candid photos of patrons and visitors and…
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): Hm.
Janine (as Cattie): Upstanding members of the community.
Austin (as Mr. Willacker): Hm!
Art (as Pomp): All right, all right. Here you go. Uh, medium powdered sugar, just how you like it. And one cup of coffee.
Austin: Snatch, snatch. Turn, walk.
Keith: Does he always say snatch like that? [Austin laughs]
Art (as Pomp): [calling after him] That's 15 cents!
Austin: [laughs] I was gonna say “Find it on your report card,” but that doesn’t mean anything. [others laugh] But he says it anyway.
Art (as Pomp): I can't believe— one, it's summer. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Janine: Summer report card. Keeps ‘em in his head.
Art (as Pomp): Two, I graduated last year. [Austin and Jack laugh] And, three, it's only 15 cents! It's one of the cheapest things on the boardwalk!
Janine: 15 cents is like the cost of a dress at this time or something insane like that. [laughs] Like, it's…right? No, maybe that’s like two dollars.
Art: Well, it’s one of the luxury goods on this boardwalk, ‘cause it's brand new.
Austin: It's a lot. It’s a lot. It’s a lot. Yeah, it's uh, let's see here. 15 cents.
Keith: Currency calculators don't even go back this far, actually.
Austin: Oh, really?
Keith: I think they go back about five or six years later.
Austin: Mm.
Keith: So I don't know what happened in like 1906, but I think that's when all the currency calculators start.
Austin: Oh, I hate this. I did a search for— I put it in on this website, and then it automatically said, “Here for Red Dead Redemption? See all converted item prices.” [laughs]
Jack: Nope.
Austin: [laughs] You know, they must get a lot from that. They must have gotten a lot of people here being like, why— like, a lot of people are picking the same 1899. Weird. I wonder why. And the answer is because of Red Dead Redemption, presumably. So, that's funny. Anyway.
Janine: Okay, actually, I— well. I found a menu from some time. This looks…oh, this is from 17 January 1900. Coffee would’ve cost you five cents.
Austin: There you go.
Janine: And wheat cakes with maple syrup would have been 10.
Austin: Wow!
Keith: Perfect.
Janine: So 15 is right on the fucking money, basically.
Keith: Perfectly priced.
Austin: Wow. Wow, nailed it. Nailed it!
Janine: Cold ham, 10 cents. Cold ham with beans, also 10 cents. Why would you get the cold ham without beans? [laughs]
Keith: How much is the hot ham charge? [Art laughs]
Janine: [laughs] Uh, I don't think it's on here. You can get ham cakes. That would probably be hot.
Keith: Yeah…
Austin: Prove it.
Keith: I'm worried that that would be some kind of bread product.
Austin: Me too. Me too.
Keith: [laughs] I do not want a ham cake.
Janine: You could get hominy and milk for 10 cents.
Austin: Mm-mm. Anyway—
Janine: Anyway.
Austin: He walks away.
Janine (as Cattie): You just seem a little distracted this morning. That's all.
Art (as Pomp): Oh, I'm gonna shake it off. Don't you worry. What's going on later?
Janine (as Cattie): Balloon stuff. At the docks.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, I saw the balloon!
Janine (as Cattie): Uh huh.
Art (as Pomp): It's huge!
Janine (as Cattie): You gonna go up? You gonna try and go up in it?
Art (as Pomp): [intimidated] I don't know.
Janine (as Cattie): I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
Art (as Pomp): Uh, it could float away. It could fall!
Janine (as Cattie): Well, if it doesn't do that before you get on it, why would it do it after?
Art (as Pomp): I guess. I just don't want it to get in the way of my lunch, cold ham with beans and a boiled egg on the side. [Janine laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): You gettin’ the special today?
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, I saved up a whole quarter.
Janine (as Cattie): Damn.
Art (as Pomp): Not like, you know, if it was my birthday or something, I would do creamed chicken on toast.
Austin: Gross.
Janine: Yeah, I don't…sorry, I got hung up on…I got hung up on soda crackers and milk, 10 cents. It’s bleak out there.
Keith: Hey, there’s nothing wrong with soda crackers.
Janine: And milk?
Keith: I don't know.
Janine: For the same cost as pancakes? God.
Keith: Soda crackers, they’re just crackers made with baking soda, right? That's not like a…
Janine: I don't know. I have no idea.
Keith: That’s what soda bread is, anyway.
Janine (as Cattie): You, uh…you gonna do anything about Mr. Willacker stealing from you?
Art (as Pomp): What's to do? You know how powerful the school board is in this town.
Keith: [quietly] Intrigue.
Janine (as Cattie): Well, I got a photo of him. You could probably do something with that.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, I guess when it gets developed, bring it over. I'll talk to my boss, Mr…
Art: I just wrote funnel cake stand, huh? [Janine, Austin, and Keith laugh]
Janine: Mr. Funnel Cake Stand.
Austin: German.
Janine: Mr. Stand.
Art (as Pomp): Mr. Stand. Funnel cake by Stand. That's what we call this place.
Janine (as Cattie): That’s not really what I meant by do something with it. I bet we could, you know, we could adulterate it and then post it.
Art (as Pomp): Well, you're gonna have to tell me what you mean by adulterate in this context, [Austin and Janine laugh] and then, uh, I’ll tell you what I think of your plan.
Janine (as Cattie): Well, you know, a thing that we do—we usually do it for portraits—is, you know, sometimes…it's all, you know, it's all light and dark, right? So sometimes if you need to make an area lighter, you just kind of, you can just sort of scratch off the stuff or you can black it out if you want it darker.
Janine: Or I forget which— I truly forget which one does which. Me, Janine, I forget which one does which, but like you can like put acrylic paint on it to like…I think that makes it darker.
Janine (as Cattie): So you can kind of like, you know, we could make him look real weird. We could like make his face bigger, or…
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, I love this. Let's make his face so big.
Janine (as Cattie): Make his hat look like all banged up.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, it'll look like shit next to his giant face! [Janine laughs softly]
Janine (as Cattie): You could make his suit look like it's dirty.
Art (as Pomp): Mm-hmm. Dirty suit giant face. That's what they'll call him when I'm done with him. When we're done with him.
Janine (as Cattie): Great. Good. [Janine and Austin laugh softly] Problem solved.
Austin: Problem solved, yeah. That'll get him.
Keith (as customer): Hey, can I get my funnel cake now? [Austin, Janine, and Jack laugh]
Art (as Pomp): Oh, sure, yeah. Whatever. [Keith laughs] I mean, right away, sir.
Austin: All right. I don’t—
Art (as Pomp): How much sugar do you want?
Keith (as customer): Full. [Austin laughs]
Art (as Pomp): Full sugar. All right. It's gonna be 11 cents.
Keith (as customer): 11 cents?
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, it's…it's one— there's a one cent charge for full sugar.
Keith (as customer): That's more than creamed oyster and toast! [Janine laughs]
Art (as Pomp): Well, then go get some creamed oyster and toast!
Austin: Geez. [Janine and Keith laugh]
Keith (as customer): Fine. [laughs softly] Find it on your report card.
Janine: What the fuck is dipped toast? [Art laughs] “Find it on your report card” is still really good. [laughs softly]
Austin: [laughs] All right. We didn’t get a roll that scene, but I kind of think that's okay. Four out of five so far— or three out of four so far had rolls.
Janine: I kind of want to do a roll. I kind of want my scene to be a follow up on that that has a roll in it.
Austin: I'm good with that.
Janine: I kind of want Cattie to like… [sighs] I mean, I'm sure there's some setup that she could be doing at the…at the photography studio, but I kind of imagine her like she's been out on the boardwalk taking her pictures; she's gonna go develop the film, goes into the dark room.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Janine: I don't know if anyone's there for that or if this is a thing where like one of her bosses is there who's like checking out her work. Or if it's a thing of like, she'd have to convince them that what she was doing was like a…was like a professional exercise and not like weird petty bullshit. [laughs]
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Jack: Yeah, I could be a photog— I could be a photography boss.
Janine: Sure. Do you want to be Arvo or Stacks?
Jack: Uh, I—
Janine: And we already have— oh, wait, no, it's Stand, sorry. Okay. I thought we doubled up on names. [laughs softly]
Jack: Uh, I mean, in that case, I'll be Stacks, a man so gigantic that he's positively square. Um, he's an extremely big guy, and he just says:
Jack (as Stacks): [deep voice] Ah, those are the editing tools you've got there.
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah. I, uh, I wanted to get some practice in on some, you know, non paying clients work, just to make sure my skills are up to snuff when we've, when we've got the, you know, families in for their portraits and all that.
Jack (as Stacks): Did Mr. Arvo say you could touch the editing tools?
Janine (as Cattie): Well, he told me to make use of my morning to further my skills and also get some promotional images. And I figured the editing tools would be a part of that, in terms of getting the best images possible.
Jack (as Stacks): Now, young Miss Pontecorvo, [sighs] the editing tools are a site of great responsibility for the photographer.
Janine (as Cattie): Mm-hmm.
Jack (as Stacks): Why, with tools like this, you could make a man look like a fool. You could make his face gigantic.
Janine (as Cattie): [laughs softly] I’d never do that. [Art and Austin laugh]
Jack (as Stacks): You can't just say that to my face, Miss Pontecorvo. I have to— I have to know it, and I have to believe it. Why is it wrong to make a man's face look absolutely gigantic in a photograph?
Janine (as Cattie): Um…
Keith: [laughs] The early ethics of photography.
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine (as Cattie): I mean, you should do in every individual case what is the most flattering to a given client.
Jack (as Stacks): Yes.
Janine (as Cattie): If a client's head is very small, then it would actually help them quite a lot if we made it look a little bigger.
Jack (as Stacks): Well, yes, of course. You got me there, Pontecorvo. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Janine (as Cattie): I've been reading your book, sir.
Jack (as Stacks): Oh, How to Take a Picture by Stacks?
Janine (as Cattie): Yes.
Jack (as Stacks): Ah.
Janine (as Cattie): It’s very edifying.
Jack (as Stacks): Ah, thank you. I took all the pictures in it. Uh…where was I? Using the editing tools. Now, obviously, if someone has an extremely small face, then yes, in that context, it may be considered right to make the face a normal size. But all kinds of—
Janine (as Cattie): And it would be up to our discretion. Yes?
Jack (as Stacks): Well, it would be up to…to my discretion. Uh, what are you working with, there? What’s this a picture of?
Janine (as Cattie): Uh, it's a picture of Mr. Willacker, the schoolteacher.
Jack (as Stacks): Oh, oh! Old Willacker. Yes, I know the chap. Now, perfectly proportioned face that man has. What kind of an edit were you thinking of making, then?
Janine (as Cattie): Uh, well, I was thinking that, um, his suit could use some touching up.
Jack (as Stacks): Mm, yes, yes.
Janine (as Cattie): It's, uh, you know how it is with a schoolteacher. They can’t always afford a steam every day.
Jack (as Stacks): Yes. Yes.
Janine (as Cattie): They don’t usually have the staff around to manage it for them, and you know.
Jack (as Stacks): Mm.
Janine (as Cattie): So I was thinking of some touching up around the suit. And also, he was moving slightly while I was taking the picture.
Jack (as Stacks): Yes, I can see.
Janine (as Cattie): So I wanted to clean up the edges on the face a little bit, just to make them crisper, since that will draw the eye naturally.
Jack (as Stacks): Now, the face. Now, the— what did I tell you about these editing tools?
Janine (as Cattie): But I'm only going to make the edges a little bit clearer so that it doesn't look too smudgy. If it looks too smudgy, then his face will look large anyways.
Jack (as Stacks): And now, what are you going to make sure that you don't do?
Janine (as Cattie): Um…make him all goofy looking?
Jack (as Stacks): You're not going to make his face impossibly big, Miss Pontecorvo! [Art, Austin, and Keith laugh] Do you understand? And I’ll want to see this work when you're done. Look, look. This is the editing tool work that you've been asking for. [Art and Keith laugh] You know, maybe when you're done here, I think you'll be allowed to use these editing tools whenever you want. How does that sound? [Janine laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): That sounds wonderful, Mr. Stacks.
Jack (as Stacks): Good work. Well. [laughter]
Janine: My plan is to make two prints.
Austin: Let's go. [laughs]
Keith: The spin doctors.
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine: One print before alteration and one print after alteration. [Austin and Jack laugh] This is what I am rolling for.
Austin: All right, that's two dice.
Keith: I love that this guy, Mr. Stacks…
Austin: Uh huh.
Keith: He's like, [imitating voice] let me tell you about photography. There’s one thing very important about photography is [laughing] don't make someone’s face extremely— I just imagine that this is coming up all day every day for this guy. [laughs]
[1:30:10]
Austin: All day, all the time. All the time. Well, I actually—
Art: It’s the sign in the window.
Austin: I know why, but I'm not going to tell you why quite yet.
Janine: Uh huh? What a weird thing to say. [Austin and Keith laugh]
Austin: Uh, we’ll have to wait for a little bit. Just trust me.
Art: Well, I’m sure that’s normal.
Austin: And no one introduce Arvo yet, 'cause I have plans for Arvo. [laughter]
Janine: I was gonna surmise that it was like something to do with everyone wearing high collars.
Austin: Mm, mm-mm.
Janine: So you could get the opposite problem where everyone looks like their head’s too big.
Austin: Mm-mm.
Jack: Did the…
Janine: I failed.
Art: Oh no!
Jack: Didn’t the Concern wear like—
Janine: I think, right? That’s a failure.
Jack: Oh no! [laughs]
Austin: Oh, buddy!
Keith: Failed big.
Jack: You needed to roll...
Austin: You goofed it. You rolled a five and a six.
Janine: Mm-hmm, I got a five and a six.
Austin: You sure did. You sure did.
Janine: So the question is, like, which half of this did I goof?
Austin: Yeah. Well, okay.
Keith: What do you mean? Did you goof the editing or did you goof the getting away with it?
Austin: What was your intent when you set out to roll? Was to—
Janine: My intent was to develop two photos.
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine: One I was going to develop as is.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Janine: Like, plain.
Austin: Right.
Janine: And say like, “Here's the cleaned up work. Isn't it great?” and then I was going to use the negative to— and edit that and then develop a second one that was altered.
Austin: Mm. Mm-hmm.
Janine: I might…my suggestion is that honestly, because I am just an apprentice still, the one I developed first doesn't develop correctly. But because it takes time to develop, I've already started editing the negative by the time I realize that the first one is botched.
Jack: Oh no.
Janine: Because I, you know, did the chemicals wrong or didn't leave it in the one long enough or something. So that one ends up useless, and then all I have is the edited one.
Austin: Right. Yeah, I like that. Wait, I need to— I need to read a rule for a thing. You must take the best dice, right? You don't have to…
Keith: Right, yeah.
Austin: Right? It doesn't explicitly say this. But it must be your best die. ‘Cause you rolled a six, so I wanted to make sure that that six rule did not happen no matter what if you rolled a six. You know what I mean?
Jack: Right, yeah.
Janine: Mm, mm-hmm.
Austin: Which I’m not. I think that’s silly.
Keith: Oh, well, in that case, wouldn't it say if you roll all sixes?
Austin: No.
Art: Well, if you only— you can only roll one.
Austin: Right. I think it's just not clear on…I think we have to be a fan of the player here and say that, unless—
Keith: What is the six rule?
Austin: If you roll a six, things are much much worse.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: And I think that should be something you opt into in a situation like this.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Not something that you're forced into. Yeah, I—
Janine: I’m not sure what much much worse means in this context either, when the stakes are still relatively…
Austin: We could figure it out. Mr. Willacker could walk in.
Jack: Oh, I know what much much worse would be.
Austin: We could get there, trust.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: But yeah, I think— I like your thing of, uh oh, you've now developed two, or developed— the only one that is working right is the edited one. I think that that's a fine immediate consequence to deal with. Um, do you think this changes one of your stats? I mean, I guess you didn't find success, so no.
Janine: Yeah. Yeah, success is the thing that changes stats, so I think no.
Austin: Yeah, no.
Jack: Do you wanna play out an immediate consequence here or shall we let that discover— you know, has Mr. Stacks gone off for his like morning…
Austin: Oh.
Jack: He’s gone out for breakfast and is gonna come back to this?
Janine: Oh, yeah, is this maybe like a noon, like a midway thing?
Austin: Wait, I can immediately give you a consequence, which is that I think Mr. Arvo comes in finally.
Jack: [intrigued] Hoho!
Austin (as Arvo): [shouting exuberantly] Well, what do you got there?!
Janine: Oh, god.
Austin (as Arvo): Wow, this right here, this is a great edit! Let me tell you! What, you’re making his face gigantic! [others laugh] Look how big his face is! This would go great in my next edition of Arvo’s Antics. I think a face like this on a— this is Mr. Willacker, isn't it?
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah.
Austin (as Arvo): His face, I've always thought, perfect face! Which makes it extremely funny how big you've made his face in this photo! [Jack laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): Um, that's…thank you.
Austin (as Arvo): I cannot— you know, I'm— can I— I'm gonna take this from you, and I'm gonna go show it right now to Stacks, because I think this is a great illustration of my photography philosophy! I just thought of that. You like that? Photography philosophy!
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah, that's, um…you should put that in your next book.
Austin (as Arvo): I'm gonna! Photography Philosophy by Arthur Arvo, Antics Genius. What do you think?
Janine (as Cattie): I think it will sell very well, sir. [Keith and Jack laugh]
Austin (as Arvo): We should put this on the front door so that people know how skilled we are at the art of antics and anticked photography!
Janine (as Cattie): I don't know about that one. Won’t that scare off our portrait clients?
Austin (as Arvo): It'll bring in comedy clients! [Keith laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): Do they pay better?
Austin (as Arvo): Clowns are all the rage, Miss Pontecorvo!
Janine (as Cattie): I…I guess.
Austin (as Arvo): And clowns need portraits! Am I not always saying this? [Jack laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): You do say it quite a lot.
Austin (as Arvo): Clowns need portraits. And a clown wants a big face, but many clowns, they have small faces. And a circus will not employ them without a big face.
Keith: [laughs] Why?
Janine (as Cattie): I didn’t realize that the…
Austin (as Arvo): I'm gonna take this from you right now, actually. This is beautiful.
Janine (as Cattie): I didn’t realize clowns were being hired at a distance, by headshots only.
Austin (as Arvo): It's a new world, Miss Pontecorvo!
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah, it seems very modern, sir.
Austin (as Arvo): Turn of the century!
Janine (as Cattie): Sign of the times.
Austin (as Arvo): The twentieth one! Can you believe it?
Janine (as Cattie): It's such a…it's tremendous, sir.
Austin (as Arvo): Two zero! Sure, the number is gonna say 19, but we know it's the 20th one!
Janine (as Cattie): Do we?
Austin (as Arvo): We do.
Austin: And takes the photo from you.
Austin (as Arvo): I gotta find a frame for this.
Janine: Okay.
Keith: It really colors the initial suggestion to make the face big.
Austin: [laughs] Yes!
Keith: That her bosses are number one for and number one against big face photos. [Keith, Austin, and Janine laugh]
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Jack: She wants to get a fucking promotion! She's gonna have to pick a side if she wants that promotion. [Austin laughs]
Janine: Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Truly between a rock and a big face.
Art: Oh, the drama we’ve built here.
Austin: In the simple opening of a day, you know?
Keith: Uh, hey. Hey, funnel cake guy, I have an idea out of nowhere.
Art: Yeah, what’s going on?
Keith: Why don't we [laughs] make the face big?
Austin: Ahh.
Jack: [chuckles] So, is that now the end of Opening?
Austin: That is the end of Opening.
Art: We've only taken the whole time they think the game will take to play. [Art, Austin, and Keith laugh]
Austin: Welcome to Friends at the Table, everybody.
Keith: Someday, we’ll play a game developed by someone who has the same concept of pacing that we do.
Austin: It's impossible.
Janine: I mean, no, 'cause we are never going to not want to know the price of creamed oyster on toast.
Austin: [laughs] It’s true. You know John Harper runs Blades in the Dark and gets through an entire score in like 35 minutes?
Jack: Bullshit. [Janine laughs]
Keith: I don't even— you’ve said this several times before.
Austin: It's unbelievable.
Keith: I don't even understand what that looks like. Where is the…
Austin: Me neither!
Keith: Where is the play in the—
Janine: I can only imagine there’s a lot of like…
Austin: [laughs] I don’t— it's incredible. It's incredible.
Janine: I can only imagine there's just a lot of like shouting, “Go! Go! You, next! Go!”
Austin: [laughs] I thought you were doing like a “Go ninja, go ninja, go.” Like a “Go! Go! Go! Go!”
Janine: No. No, like turns.
Jack: Blades! In! The Dark!
Austin: Right. Um, there are people who do multiple scores in a Blades game in a single session. I don't understand.
Jack: (??? 1:38:50)
Austin: They're running a different fucking game than us. Anyway, that's Opening. So, we do have a— we have a choice to make here, which is: do we want to roll into Morning or do we want to cut Morning and jump to Lunch? I don't like the idea of cutting Morning, but…
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: It did also take us 90 minutes to go through one scene or one segment.
Keith: My feeling—
Art: Well, we did a lot of Morning, right?
Austin: That's— we did a real mix of Opening and Morning.
Keith: Yeah.
Art: We did a lot of Morning and not a lot of Opening.
Jack: Ha!
Keith: Fair.
Austin: I guess so.
Art: No promises were made, nor did we define a group goal.
Austin: I made a promise. And broke it.
Art: We did get to work and learn some stuff.
Austin: Yeah. And I think we could probably blend a Morning and Lunch, maybe.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: You know what I mean?
Art: I'm more concerned that we don't have a group goal.
Austin: That's fair.
Art: Because that's how we push toward the rest of the stuff, right?
Austin: You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not wrong.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: Right now, we have…what do we have right now?
Keith: I know the…I know what I think. ‘Cause I was, as we were establishing new things, I was thinking in my head: how are these things connected?
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: And, to me, the connection, I don't know if…I mean, I have a way that I want to see these things connected. And that is the…that becomes a group thing, if it becomes a group thing, I don't know.
Austin: What’s the thing? What's the pitch? What's the…?
Keith: Uh, I think that the balloon rides can be used to help the watch heist. Although I don't know the…
Austin: Right.
Jack: Ha!
Austin: Uh huh. Of course.
Keith: I don't know the exact shape of that.
Austin: Right, no, I think that that's fun.
Keith: Right.
Austin: I think that's a fun thing that I think Sank should start to work toward. That's a fun thing for Sank to walk— to certainly work towards, in terms of like trying to get that to be a group goal. I don't…I'm curious how that would go, [laughs] in terms of convincing all of us to do this. But if we want to start on a scene there, it's easy to imagine that we've all timed our lunch together or something, even if we're still only moving into the Morning slot that we've gotten, or that you frame a scene with someone to start making that pitch, you know?
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: ‘Cause we're working under the assumption, by the way, I think that's fair. We're working under the assumption that we all know each other and like generally like each other, or at least consider each other coworkers of this general area and like know each other on the first name basis and like have hung out after hours and et cetera.
Keith: There also is a version where, uh, I'm thinking there's a hard version, a soft version, and then a like, what is it called, like a six, a maxing out version of this for me. Where it's like, I don't necessarily have to convince everyone, hey, do you want to steal a bunch of watches, teenagers?
Austin: Right, right, right.
Keith: But more of like a maneuvering things into a place where I can do whatever's happening to get that done.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: But it also could just max me out, and then that would narrow…‘cause it really is—
Austin: That would change a lot, yeah.
Keith: It would change a lot, because it would mean…and it would mean that we didn't establish two totally separate, [chuckles] or not two totally separate, but like, uh, yeah, two separate like things, the thing with the teacher and the hanging out at the balloon and then also the watch heist thing.
Austin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Art: I want to just clarify that I intended the watch heist as not a thing. I described it as a—
Jack: The problem is you said that there was a watch truck that two adults are planning on robbing.
Austin: You said there was a— yeah.
Keith: To the character that's planning to do a crime.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: Yeah, whose goal is to do a crime.
Art: But I described it as a heavily armed watch truck. [Art and Austin laugh]
Jack: Well, then, we got to work. That's why we might need a point man in a balloon.
Keith: When you come from above, they’ll never see it coming.
Austin: This is why we need a plan. This is why we need a plan. We should do this stuff in character if we can help it.
Keith: Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Austin: We should just do this scene.
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: I think this scene could be fun if we play it hard and fun.
Janine: Group lunch?
Austin: Group lunch. I think we've…this is a thing we've done, is I think we’ve…we have like figured out a way to meet for an early lunch, group lunch, you know, three times a week or something all summer.
Janine: At Child's Lunch Rooms.
Austin: Exactly. [Austin and Jack laugh]
Janine: We’ve got the bill of fare in front of us.
Austin: Uh huh. Wait, the what?
Janine: It says bill of fare.
Jack: The bill of fare is what the menu’s called.
Austin: Oh. Oh, I…
Janine: [reading] “The Milk used in this establishment is fresh from my own Dairy every morning.”
Keith: Oh, it's farm to table.
Jack: Yeah, it is. [laughs softly]
Jack (as Melinda): Eloise, where were you?
Austin (as Eloise): Oh, I'm…Melinda, I'm sorry. It turns out it's really hard to write “It's Magnificent” on all the balloon candies. I kept getting it—
Jack (as Melinda): You can't do it like your dad?
Austin (as Eloise): I guess not. I was doing my best.
Jack (as Melinda): And it—
Janine (as Cattie): You should have just gone with “It’s mag.” It would catch on. [someone chuckles]
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): It’s mag. I like that. It's mag.
Janine (as Cattie): Mm-hmm.
Jack (as Melinda): It's like new slang. There's all kinds of— did I ever tell you about the barrel organ slang that I learned last summer from the organeers?
Austin (as Eloise): Yes.
Janine (as Cattie): Yes.
Austin (as Eloise): You did.
Jack (as Melinda): [disappointed] Oh. Oh. Okay.
Austin (as Eloise): You always kept telling me that thing. You kept saying “It's cranking,” and I never understood what you meant, no matter how many times you tried to explain it.
Jack (as Melinda): That's what we say in the barrel organ community when something's really good.
Austin (as Eloise): I prefer “It's mag.”
Jack (as Melinda): Anyway, the view from up there was…it was pretty good.
Austin (as Eloise): [shocked] You went up in it?
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, I went up! Like, that was the plan, Eloise. If you had come, we'd have gone up in the balloon together. The lady’s called Luce.
Austin (as Eloise): [sighs]
Jack (as Melinda): She's pretty weird, and she didn't want to go up at all, but then I told her all— [laughs softly] I told her lots of like…I told her important information in exchange for going up, and she went, we went up. We went up really high. It was great.
Austin (as Eloise): What information did you have that would convince her to let you up?
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, you know, barrel organ stuff.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh, okay.
Keith (as Sank): She wanted to know barrel organ stuff?
Janine (as Cattie): I bet she was hoping you’d pass out from the thin air.
Jack (as Melinda): No, it's great to meet a true organeer. It's cranking.
Keith (as Sank): Luce is a true organeer? [Art laughs]
[1:45:00]
Jack (as Melinda): I mean, I don't want to go that far. She didn't know as much as I did, but it was, yeah, uh huh.
Keith (as Sank): Hmm. That's mag.
Austin (as waiter): What do you kids want?
Jack (as Melinda): Uh, let me check the bill of fare. I would like, please…uh… [Janine laughs softly]
Jack: I’m just opening it up. I'm peering close.
Jack (as Melinda): I'll get, uh, the cold ham with beans, please. And could I—
Austin (as waiter): Cold ham with beans.
Jack (as Melinda): Could I get a glass of milk?
Austin (as waiter): With milk.
Jack (as Melinda): Mm. And that’s good for me.
Austin: Scribble, scribble.
Austin (as waiter): Rest of you’s?
Art (as Pomp): Well, I've been talking about it all day. I’d like the cold ham and two boiled eggs, please.
Austin (as waiter): Cold ham, two boiled eggs for the funnel cake boy.
Keith (as Sank): I will have the sirloin steak.
Jack (as Melinda): Whoa!
Art (as Pomp): Whoa!
Keith (as Sank): Mm-hmm.
Jack: Whoa! That even on the bill of fare? It is.
Keith: It is on the bill of fare.
Jack: It’s 35 cents?
Keith: 35 cents.
Austin (as Eloise): [hushed] Sank, that’s really expensive.
Keith (as Sank): It's, uh, it's nothing. It's not too bad. I had a—
Austin (as waiter): You want it well done or weller?
Keith (as Sank): Uh, yeah, please cook it well, yes.
Austin (as waiter): Well. Got it.
Janine (as Cattie): Um, I would like some french fried potatoes and some cocoa.
Austin (as waiter): French fried potatoes and a cocoa.
Jack (as Melinda): He was only kidding about the steak. We can't afford that.
Keith (as Sank): Uh, no, I'll get the steak.
Janine (as Cattie): Oh, he can afford it. [Austin laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): What? How— wait, did you…did you… [hushed] Did you scam someone again?
Keith (as Sank): No, I just won at playing games.
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, yeah, sorry. I mean, [mockingly feigning ignorance] yeah, did you play the game? [laughter]
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, we…you know.
Austin (as waiter): [sighs, impatient] Candy girl.
Janine (as Cattie): I got photos. I'll show you later.
Austin: Eloise orders the, uh…
Keith (as Sank): Hey, don't make my face all big in those. [Austin and Art laugh]
Austin (as Eloise): Can I have the ham or corned beef sandwich, please? [Jack laughs]
Jack (as waiter): Yeah, which one would you like?
Austin (as Eloise): Oh, whichever…whichever.
Janine (as Cattie): Half ham, half beef?
Austin (as Eloise): No, no, no, no, just one.
Keith (as Sank): Eloise, which one do you like?
Austin (as Eloise): Either is fine.
Keith (as Sank): No. Which one do you—
Janine (as Cattie): Mix ‘em into a paste?
Jack (as waiter): Yeah, just—
Austin (as Eloise): Either is— it doesn’t—
Jack (as waiter): Just pick, kid.
Keith (as Sank): Just pick.
Austin (as Eloise): [anxiously] Um, mm…can I just get, uh, just the butter cakes then. Thank you.
Keith (as Sank): You don't— I know you don't like corned beef. What was that?
Austin (as Eloise): What if they only had, uh…I just…it's fine.
Art (as Pomp): They clearly have both.
Austin (as Eloise): Why didn't they put them on different lines?
Janine (as Cattie): ‘Cause they cost the same, ‘cause one of them’s garbage.
Art (as Pomp): Why would they ask you which one you wanted if they'd only had one?
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, he'd have said.
Austin (as Eloise): Well, what if…I…it's fine. The butter cakes are fine. I like butter cakes.
Art (as Pomp): Oh my god.
Jack (as Melinda): Anyway, yeah. What, did you…did you get, like…you got some money from this guy?
Keith (as Sank): Uh, yeah, something like that.
Jack (as Melinda): Something like that. What are you—
Janine (as Cattie): Watches. He got watches.
Keith: I’ll take them out. I’ll take them— I’ll hold them both up by the chains.
Austin (as Eloise): [awed] Are those real?
Keith (as Sank): Oh, yeah.
Art (as Pomp): [amazed] Whoa, that a centennial watch?
Keith (as Sank): That’s a centennial watch.
Jack (as Melinda): That’s a centennial watch?
Keith (as Sank): Yep.
Jack (as Melinda): I hear they were wound by the president. That can't be right.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah. Whoever was president then. [Austin and Jack laugh]
Keith: Yeah, I haven’t checked, and I don't know.
Janine: It's Bluff City, so it's like different anyway, right?
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Probably.
Keith: It's different here.
Austin (as Eloise): Is that one—
Art: It’s George Bush Senior.
Austin: Oh no! [Jack laughs] Is that—
Janine: Random name generator.
Jack: Or is that one of the points of similarity? Is that what you were gonna ask, Austin?
Keith: Between the watches?
Austin: [laughs] George Bush Senior was the president during this…?
Jack: No. I thought you were gonna say, oh, are all the presidents the same?
Austin: Oh.
Jack: I didn't know if you were about to say…
Austin: I don't know. I have no idea.
Janine: It’s President Nahuel Titus.
Austin: That's right. Nahuel Titus.
Jack: Whoa! Where did you get that from? [laughs]
Art: President Titus.
Austin: President Titus. [Keith laughs]
Austin (as Eloise): [impressed] President Titus wound that watch?
Jack (as Melinda): President Titus wound that watch?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, President Titus I heard wound this watch. Well, so this one I got. This is a—
Austin: Actually, here, it's pronounced Tee-tus.
Keith (as Sank): This was a—
Jack: Shut up.
Art (as Pomp): Do you think he used his giant biceps that he's famous for to do it?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, President Titus used his giant biceps to wind this watch.
Austin (as Eloise): [sighs]
Keith (as Sank): And this watch was in the Civil War. It was—
Austin (as Eloise): It has a bullet dent in it!
Keith (as Sank): It was shot with a bullet. It still worked. It saved a man's life. And I also think that it's gold and it is encrusted with jewels.
Art (as Pomp): No, the centennial watch is encrusted with jewels. You can clearly see that.
Keith (as Sank): Ah…
Art (as Pomp): The other one, I think, is just a gold watch.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, no, it’s filigree.
Austin (as Eloise): The other one seems to be filigreed.
Keith (as Sank): It’s filigree.
Austin: [laughing] Yes.
Jack: Hey.
Janine (as Cattie): Also, if you touch it, you can tell it was really important to someone.
Keith (as Sank): [Keith laughing] Yes.
Austin (as Eloise): I get the sense.
Keith (as Sank): It does have a heavy psychic aura. [laughs]
Janine (as Cattie): Mm-hmm.
Austin (as Eloise): Those must be worth $5, $10 each.
Keith (as Sank): I think more. I think actually more.
Austin (as Eloise): Okay.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, like $15. Waiter, I—
Janine (as Cattie): That’s a lot of cream toast.
Jack (as Melinda): I want the steak too. What— this guy… [mumbles]
Keith (as Sank): What? You didn't win any watches today. [Janine and Art laugh]
Jack (as Melinda): We could…we could buy a house with this, Sank.
Janine (as Cattie): Also, you do still need the money to pay them now. I don't think they're gonna make change for two watches.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, no, I have the…you know. I'm liquid.
Austin (as Eloise): Did you say you’re liquid?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, I'm liquid. [Janine laughs]
Austin (as Eloise): Is that new slang too?
Keith (as Sank): It means I go with the flow.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh.
Jack (as Melinda): Oh.
Art (as Pomp): Mm.
Austin: Okay. Not that your wealth is only caught up in…
Keith: Right.
Austin: [laughs] Solid assets that you have to flip first. Okay.
Keith: Yeah.
Janine (as Cattie): Or that you freeze up in the cold.
Keith (as Sank): I do freeze up in the cold. I hate the cold. [Janine laughs]
Austin (as Eloise): Like a camera’s water.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, like the water in a camera.
Janine (as Cattie): Ehh…
Keith: In the cold, I freeze up like the water in a camera. [Janine laughs] [as if presenting something] Hi, my name is Sank Gettliffe. [laughter]
Austin (as Eloise): Ah, well, um, I guess, congratulations, Sank.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, thanks.
Austin (as Eloise): This is the big win you've been wanting, huh?
Keith (as Sank): This is step number one.
Austin (as Eloise): Wait, you're telling me you got a centennial watch and a Civil War watch and that's not…that's not the big win you've been talking about?
Keith (as Sank): No, this is the stepping stone to the big win.
Austin (as Eloise): What's the big win?
Keith (as Sank): The big win is a thousand watches, stacked in a box.
Jack (as Melinda): What?
Austin (as Eloise): The same box?
Keith (as Sank): In a truck driving downtown this afternoon.
Austin (as Eloise): What are you gonna do with a thousand— you gonna trade these two watches for the thousand watches? Who's gonna take that trade?
Keith (as Sank): No.
Jack (as Melinda): Nah, they won’t.
Keith (as Sank): I'm gonna take the watches. Take, steal them.
Jack (as Melinda): [laughing] You're gonna…
Art (as Pomp): [too loud] You're gonna steal a thousand watches?
Jack (as Melinda): You’re gonna steal a thousand—
Keith (as Sank): Shh, shhh, shhh.
Jack (as Melinda): [hushed] All right. You're gonna steal— you’re? You? You are gonna rob a truck?
Keith (as Sank): [whispering] I’m going to rob a truck.
Art (as Pomp): [hushed] How do you rob a truck?
Jack (as Melinda): You can't rob a truck.
Art (as Pomp): Well, of course you could.
Keith (as Sank): I can rob a truck.
Janine: Do trucks exist?
Austin: Yes.
Janine: Is a real question.
Keith: Yes.
Austin: Trucks exist.
Keith: Trucks exist.
Janine: Okay.
Jack: [laughs] Yes, trucks have been around. They actually invented trucks before the Fords.
Keith: Before cars.
Janine: ‘Cause this picture…
Keith: Trucks have been around before cars.
Janine: This picture of Atlantic City in 1900, the streets are just lined with carriages.
Austin: Okay, the first motor truck was born in 1896.
Jack: Was born?
Janine: Wow, okay. [all laugh]
Art: So it's a kid right now. It's a three year old. It’s a toddler truck, but it’s doing its best.
Austin: But that’s in truck years. That’s in truck years, isn’t it?
Jack: [laughing] Oh, truck years, I see.
Keith: Right, and if you're transporting a big shipment—
Austin: The first semi truck was invented in 1898 by Alexander Winton in Cleveland, Ohio!
Keith: Stone’s throw.
Art: Well, it’s not a semi truck. I’m thinking like a…
Keith: A stone's throw.
Austin: Okay, well the—
Janine: Mack Trucks, 1900 to 1909.
Austin: 1900.
Janine: These are like…
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: These are like little wagon trucks. These are adorable.
Austin: Yeah, we're good.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Like, yeah.
Janine: Early 1900s Packard truck.
Austin: See?
Keith: Okay.
Jack: Look.
Janine: This would— this thing's— this thing'd be real fucking easy to rob. [Janine, Jack, and Austin laugh]
Keith (as Sank): The truck moves fast.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Austin: Okay, does it? Wait, are we sure?
Keith (as Sank): But it’s got no roof.
Art (as Pomp): But it could have— there's gonna be guards.
Keith (as Sank): They aren’t looking up. They're looking around.
Austin (as Eloise): You're not that tall, Sank.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah, you can't like reach over the— that’s a silly idea.
Keith (as Sank): You come from above.
Austin (as Eloise): Like from the— from a building?
Keith (as Sank): No.
Austin (as Eloise): I mean, I know the hotel’s tall, but…
Keith (as Sank): What's going on today?
Austin (as Eloise): It’s the last day of summer.
Jack (as Melinda): [simultaneously] It’s the last day of summer.
Art (as Pomp): The last day of summer.
Keith (as Sank): What happens every year on the last day of summer?
Austin (as Eloise): People are mean to me. [Keith laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): The swimming race.
Keith (as Sank): Who's mean? Hold on. Who's mean to you?
Austin (as Eloise): Customers. Everyone yelling at me about the candy we have, the candy we don't. They all say, “Oh, it's really important I get the saltwater taffy I want, ‘cause it's the last day of summer. I’m not gonna come back down to the shore until next year, and if I don't get to go home [escalating] with a good supply of saltwater taffy, I won't have good thoughts in the cold of winter, and then I'll probably end up doing something mean to the people in my life, and that's on you!”
Keith (as Sank): Do people say that to you?
Austin (as Eloise): You should try to taking their pictures.
Art (as Pomp): More than one person said that to you?
Keith (as Sank): Has one person ever said that?
Jack (as Melinda): Sounds exploitative.
Austin (as Eloise): Philadelphia's really bad, and the people there need candy to feel good. [Keith laughs]
Art (as Pomp): I’ve heard that.
Jack (as Melinda): I've never been to Philadelphia.
Keith (as Sank): No. I guess I don't want to go, either.
Austin (as Eloise): They call it the City of Brotherly Love, but that's not my impression based on the customers we get.
Keith (as Sank): City of needing candy or you're a real jerk.
Art (as Pomp): Well, has anyone else had Mr. Willacker come to their shop and tell you to put it on his report card when you ask him to pay for stuff? [Austin laughs]
Jack (as Melinda): Mr. Willacker’s here?
Janine (as Cattie): It was…it was “check your report card,” not his report card. He’s a teacher; you wouldn’t give him a report card. [Austin laughs]
Keith (as Sank): Mr. Willacker shows up to the carnival and says that if…he keeps saying if I don't clear out he's gonna call the cops, but. [Austin and Jack laugh] But I work there.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, you do.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): He takes little candies, and he says they're taste testers. And that's not a thing. We don't do that.
Art (as Pomp): So we're agreed. We're gonna steal these watches and frame Mr. Willacker.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, okay.
Jack (as Melinda): Wait, wait, wait. No, wait, no. No, look. We have fun. We've all had fun in our lives, and I like fun. We can’t…we can't rob a truck containing 1000 watches. We’re like 12.
Art (as Pomp): Well, I don't think anyone said 1000 watches. I think that’s a speculation at best.
Keith (as Sank): No, I did say a thousand.
Austin (as Eloise): Sank said a thousand.
Art (as Pomp): But who told… [Austin laughs]
Keith (as Sank): I didn’t— I'm just imagining.
Janine (as Cattie): That's a number of watches that could be in a box.
Keith (as Sank): Right, I mean, it's…I'm thinking of what is the number of watches you would need a truck for.
Austin (as Eloise): Maybe they’re big watches.
Janine (as Cattie): More than ten.
Jack (as Melinda): This is a heist for grownups.
Austin (as Eloise): We shouldn’t be doing heists. It's really fun to talk about. I like to plan them.
Keith (as Sank): Wait.
Austin (as Eloise): But I wouldn't do one.
Keith (as Sank): But you didn't hear my plan, because we got distracted by the really sad thing that you told us.
Austin (as Eloise): I'm sorry.
Jack (as Melinda): What was your question?
Keith (as Sank): It was how are you gonna— well, it wasn’t really a question. It was, “You're not that tall. The buildings aren't that tall.” [Janine laughs] And I was like, but what— oh, it was my question. I asked a question, and the question was: what happens on the last day of summer?
Jack (as Melinda): People are mean.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): And I said I get really sad. People are mean to me.
Jack (as Melinda): People are mean. Yeah, to Eloise.
Keith (as Sank): Right, and that was the wrong answer.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh.
Jack (as Melinda): The swimming competition.
Keith (as Sank): No.
Austin (as Eloise): The sandcastle competition.
Janine (as Cattie): Take a lot of pictures of babies.
Keith (as Sank): No. No.
Jack (as Melinda): The baby pictures.
Keith (as Sank): No.
Austin (as Eloise): Uh, 10% off at Woolworth’s.
Keith (as Sank): No.
Art (as Pomp): Mm, that’s a good guess.
Jack (as Melinda): My dad makes me stay on the stall until the sun goes all the way down.
Keith (as Sank): No.
Austin (as Eloise): The Somers wheel breaks?
Art (as Pomp): I try to make the biggest possible funnel cake.
Austin (as Eloise): [gasps] Yeah!
Art (as Pomp): One that fills the entire thing of oil.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): That's my favorite day!
Keith (as Sank): I love the big summer cake— funnel cake.
Jack (as Melinda): I try and eat it.
Keith (as Sank): I call it the summer cake. It’s as big as the summer.
Austin: [laughs] It’s the same guy actually, invented the Somers wheel end the Somer cake. [Keith laughs] And we're trying to give him credit.
Keith (as Sank): Okay. Think of something…okay. I'm trying to get you to think of something tall, right?
Jack (as Melinda): The Somers wheel.
Keith (as Sank): So, all that stuff you said wasn't tall, except the funnel cake.
Austin (as Eloise): A clock tower.
Jack (as Melinda): The clock tower.
Keith (as Sank): No, no.
Art (as Pomp): Some sort of stilt exhibit.
Keith (as Sank): No, the clock tower’s there on more than just the last day. What is tall and also only there on the last day of summer?
Austin (as Eloise): [thoughtfully] It's tall.
Art (as Pomp): It's tall.
Jack (as Melinda): And on the last—
Keith (as Sank): It gets tall.
Janine (as Cattie): Maybe this is like a metaphor, like friendship. Our friendship is…
Jack (as Melinda): We’re gonna rob it with friendship?
Austin (as Eloise): Oh, it’s a— this is a riddle!
Jack (as Melinda): It's a riddle.
Austin (as Eloise): It's a riddle! It's friendship is the tallest thing on the last day of summer.
Jack (as Melinda): Friendship. I'm submitting friendship.
Austin (as Eloise): ‘Cause we've all grown very close. That's my final answer, friendship.
Keith (as Sank): We’re friends. It's not a riddle.
Janine (as Cattie): You're such a nerd, Sank.
Keith (as Sank): It's not friendship. It is…round. It is tall.
Jack (as Melinda): The funnel cake. The big fun— uh…
Austin (as Eloise): The Somers wheel. Again, it's round and tall. [Keith laughs]
Keith (as Sank): Okay. But again, the Somers wheel isn't just the last day of summer. It's every day.
Jack (as Melinda): Is it friendship again?
Keith (as Sank): No, it's not friendship again. It's round.
Austin (as Eloise): Are you saying that the sun gets really big?
Keith (as Sank): The sun is not—
Jack (as Melinda): We can’t, so we wait till the sun goes down?
Art (as Pomp): Like it’s going down, and metaphorically it represents a lot to us?
Keith (as Sank): No. [Keith cackles]
Austin (as Eloise): Is it— I know. I know. I know.
Keith (as Sank): [weary] Okay.
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, uh huh?
Austin (as Eloise): It's Justin.
Keith (as Sank): No!
Austin (as Eloise): ‘Cause he got tall this summer.
Keith (as Sank): No!
Jack (as Melinda): Big Justin?
Austin (as Eloise): Big Justin.
Keith (as Sank): I said every summer.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh.
Janine (as Cattie): [crosstalk] I think it's the horse diving platform on the other side of town that we don’t talk about.
Art (as Pomp): [crosstalk] Well, Justin’s taller at the end of every summer than at the beginning.
Jack: What was that?
Austin: Say that again, Janine?
Janine: I said I think it's the horse diving platform on the other side of town that we don’t talk about. [Keith and Jack laugh]
Austin (as Eloise): I don't like to talk about that.
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, no, I don’t like to think about that.
Austin (as Eloise): Those horses look so scared.
Jack (as Melinda): They look so sad.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, and they did it every day last summer.
Jack (as Melinda): Are we gonna drop a horse on the truck?
Keith (as Sank): Which is really sad, but it also disqualifies it from this.
Art (as Pomp): I think dropping a horse on this truck is too cruel.
Keith (as Sank): Yes, it's not what I'm talking about.
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah, that's mean.
Jack (as Melinda): Well, I think that's everything that happens on the last day of summer.
Austin (as Eloise): That’s all the things I can think of.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): Okay.
Art (as Pomp): Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): Okay. [sighs] Where were you today?
Austin (as Eloise): The candy shop.
Jack (as Melinda): At the stand, and then I went to Eloise’s.
Keith (as Sank): And then? Melinda?
Jack (as Melinda): I went out onto the beach, and I met Luce.
Keith (as Sank): For?
Jack (as Melinda): We went up, and I took a look at the city.
Keith (as Sank): In?
Jack (as Melinda): We went up in Luce's balloon, and I took a look at the city.
Keith (as Sank): [interrupting] Right! There we go! Now, Melinda, what is tall and here only on the last day of the summer?
Jack (as Melinda): Oh! Oh!
Janine (as Cattie): Luce.
Jack (as Melinda): Luce! [laughter]
Art (as Pomp): Luce is pretty tall.
Austin (as Eloise): I didn’t— how tall— [Austin laughs] Wait, how tall is Luce? I didn’t realize… [laughter continues]
Art (as Pomp): Oh, Luce is easily six feet.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, she’s big! [Keith continues laughing] Nah, I'm messing with you. You're thinking of the Luce’s Guce, right? Sorry, [Frenchly] Luce’s Guce. [laughter]
Jack: [chuckles] The Guce. [Keith continues laughing]
Austin: We lost Keith.
Austin (as Eloise): A balloon isn't tall! I mean, it's pretty…
Keith (as Sank): [audibly struggling] I said it gets tall. [laughter]
Austin (as Eloise): It doesn’t get tall. It’s the size it is. I mean, it does get tall when you put hot air in it, but that's…you're saying high. It gets high.
Jack (as Melinda): It doesn’t go above the truck, Sank. It’s attached by a rope.
Keith (as Sank): Are you really…are you really saying that the difference between tall and high is greater than the difference between the balloon and friendship? [Austin and Jack laugh] Is that what you're saying to me?
[2:00:04]
Austin (as Eloise): Mr. Willacker's says that words have meanings and they're important to get right.
Keith (as Sank): Mr. Willacker is a son of a gun who comes all around and steals everything and threatens to call the police on us! And someone ought to give him a big head!
Austin (as Eloise): [shouting] But proof is in the pudding!
Janine (as Cattie): Says the guy—
Austin (as Eloise): And you said son of a gun and not son of a bitch! I mean— [shuts mouth abruptly]
Jack (as Melinda): Don’t say that!
Janine (as Cattie): Also, you have two watches. I don't know that you're Mister “Take Mr. Willacker down for being a weirdo thief” today, okay? [Austin laughs] I don't like the guy either, but.
Jack (as Melinda): Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): It's not weird that I have two watches. I took them from that guy and his weird audience friend.
Jack (as Melinda): Sank…okay, talk me through it. How do we use Luce’s Guce to steal one—
Austin: The food arrives, by the way.
Jack (as Melinda): Thank you. How do we…talk us through the plan. You can't just say, “I have a plan: the balloon.”
Keith (as Sank): [stammers, then sighs] Lower— go fly the balloon over the road.
Janine (as Cattie): [crosstalk] Gonna put a big magnet on the balloon and then suck all the watches out?
Keith (as Sank): The truck is there. There's no roof; it's open back.
Jack (as Melinda): So we steal the balloon?
Keith (as Sank): We use the balloon, and I didn't say that we had to steal it. But maybe.
Austin (as Eloise): We return the balloon.
Keith (as Sank): Yes. Lower a rope. The rope has a hook. You use the hook to secure the watches, and uh, you know, hit the gas. Wait, how does it work again? You do whatever—
Art (as Pomp): It’s not like that.
Keith: It’s Bluff City.
Keith (as Sank): Hit the gas, and [clicks tongue] pops up there.
Austin: [laughs] That's what they say. It’s Bluff City; hit the gas.
Janine (as Cattie): You know they’re not…you know a balloon’s not like fast, right? Like, it kind of just sits there and goes where the wind makes it go?
Keith (as Sank): No, but it’s unexpected.
Austin (as Eloise): Wouldn't they notice that we're floating above the watches?
Keith (as Sank): No.
Jack (as Melinda): And then wouldn’t they just drive a car to where the balloon comes down?
Keith (as Sank): No.
Jack (as Melinda): And arrest us and send us to jail?
Janine (as Cattie): Also, how are you gonna raise the balloon if you're…if the rope is pulled up so that you can move away from the place?
Keith (as Sank): Wait, explain this one. This is a good one.
Janine (as Cattie): Wouldn’t it just float up until it floats down?
Keith (as Sank): Yes.
Janine (as Cattie): Wherever it is, wherever the wind makes you go?
Austin (as Eloise): But maybe that’s…that would be far away, though.
Keith (as Sank): Right.
Jack (as Melinda): No, because they’d just be following the balloon. Here's how it happens.
Keith (as Sank): No, cars can’t go—
Austin (as Eloise): No, no, no, they could—
Keith (as Sank): Cars only go on the road. There’s not roads everywhere.
Austin (as Eloise): They can only go on the road!
Art (as Pomp): Mm, so we'll come down in the water.
Jack (as Melinda): So we come down in the ocean.
Keith (as Sank): Or the woods or something.
Austin (as Eloise): Well, only if we go—
Janine (as Cattie): We’ll drown with a bunch of watches.
Austin (as Eloise): We could be in the forest instead. Or the marshes.
Art (as Pomp): I don't think that water would break a windable watch.
Keith (as Sank): No, these things are…these things are…these things are solid as a rock.
Janine (as Cattie): I mean, it would rust it and freeze it up inside.
Austin (as Eloise): All the water in there.
Keith (as Sank): It's not cold enough to freeze.
Janine (as Cattie): [quietly] Just like a camera.
Keith (as Sank): You can dry it out.
Jack (as Melinda): How do we convince Luce to give us the Guce?
Keith (as Sank): I hold up the watches again.
Jack (as Melinda): I don't know why you— what does that mean?
Austin (as Eloise): You're gonna bribe Luce!
Keith (as Sank): Right.
Austin (as Eloise): I don't think that this solves the problem of all of the shops on the pier not really having enough money to pay the rent.
Keith (as Sank): Why was I trying to solve that problem? I don't…
Jack (as Melinda): We distribute the watches. Um, what he means to say is we distribute the watches. I quit my job. I, you know, get a job with Luce, maybe. She and I got on really well.
Keith (as Sank): I didn't realize I was supposed to be trying to solve that problem.
Austin (as Eloise): You're gonna move in with Luce? You're gonna go travel the world in Luce's balloon?
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah, absolutely.
Austin (as Eloise): [disappointed] I thought we were gonna hang out this year.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, you're 12.
Austin: No one's 12. Are we 12? We’re… [Janine laughs] We should have—
Keith: Well, I did think that we were older than 12, but Jack did say that Melinda was 12.
Austin: Oh, I didn’t realize Melinda was 12. Okay. I missed that.
Art: Well, it makes it all sorts of weird, because Pomp is like 17. [Austin and Jack laugh]
Austin: Yeah, we are…
Art: Pomp has graduated from high school.
Janine: I think Cattie’s also fairly…yeah.
Keith: Right, I think…yeah, I think Sank is also like 16, 18, something like that.
Jack: Now, look…
Austin: Eloise is in the middle, because Eloise does still have school this coming semester, so.
Jack: “I'm 12” is organeer slang.
Austin: Oh.
Jack: It means I'm feeling really relaxed. [Keith and Austin laugh]
Janine: Uh huh.
Austin: 12.
Art: Oh, like you're cranking it at 12 rotations per minute.
Austin: That seems slow. [Austin and Jack laugh]
Jack: 12 rotations.
Art: It’s a very relaxed pace.
Austin: Oh, right. Yeah, I see.
Keith (as Sank): You know, they don't have barrel organs all over.
Jack (as Melinda): No, that's why I'll bring them. I’ll bring them, and I'll— and you can come too. Here's my only concern, aside from the fact that this is absurd and I don't think we should do it.
Art (as Pomp): Mm.
Jack (as Melinda): I went up in the balloon. It's not connected to a sort of gas system where you— where a flame happens and you go shooting up.
Austin (as Eloise): Mm.
Jack (as Melinda): It's just—
Keith (as Sank): That’s a great idea, though.
Jack (as Melinda): It would be good.
Austin (as Eloise): You should write that down.
Jack (as Melinda): But it's just some sort of floating air, and it's attached to a rope, okay? So, she lets go of the rope, like, lets the rug go loose, and we go up, and then she stops the rope moving. So, if we cut it loose from the rope, we just go up to space. And that’s—
Austin (as Eloise): Maybe we can sneak a rope onto it.
Janine (as Cattie): [sighs] But then it doesn't do anything if it's just dangling down.
Jack (as Melinda): It doesn’t— yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): No, we tie it in the city to a different place.
Keith (as Sank): Mm.
Art (as Pomp): [thoughtfully] Mm.
Janine (as Cattie): Where are you gonna get a 600,000 foot long rope?
Austin (as Eloise): We don't need a— we're not doing this.
Jack (as Melinda): No.
Austin (as Eloise): To be clear. This is just talking. This is fun to talk about.
Jack (as Melinda): We’re just playing. It’s like a game.
Keith (as Sank): I'm doing it.
Austin (as Eloise): It's like a game.
Keith (as Sank): I mean, yeah, just talking.
Austin (as Eloise): We don't need a 600,000 foot rope. We need six 100,000 feet ropes.
Janine: Oh my god. [Keith and Jack laugh, Janine sighs]
Austin (as Eloise): That’s how it works.
Keith (as Sank): That's too long. I don't think…I don't think you know how long a foot is.
Janine: These fucking kids these days.
Austin (as Eloise): Well, we need…what I'm saying is we don't…all of us know someone with a long rope.
Keith (as Sank): Yes!
Austin (as Eloise): Everybody knows someone with a long rope.
Keith (as Sank): That’s how we met. [Jack and Keith laugh]
Austin (as Eloise): Well, I mean we all know a different person with a long rope. And we could go get—
Art (as Pomp): Right, that's how we met. [laughter]
Austin (as Eloise): Right! And I'm saying we could go—
Art (as Pomp): The blind item in the paper that said, [Austin laughs] “Will the friend of the long rope person meet at the pier at midnight?” and we all came, and whoever it was didn’t show up. [Keith, Jack, and Austin laugh]
Austin (as Eloise): Didn’t show up! It was a prank, I think. Anyway, if can we just get enough rope, and we could get a map of the area so we would know where we set down and where the closest way away from wherever we set down is, and maybe even an almanac that could tell us when to do it ‘cause of the wind or something. I don't know.
Jack (as Melinda): I don't understand how all the—
Austin (as Eloise): Heist things.
Jack (as Melinda): How all the ropes are gonna be helpful. I don't understand how having six ropes—
Austin (as Eloise): We’ll tie down, we'll have— okay. What they're saying is it goes up, balloon—
Jack (as Melinda): We steal the balloon from Luce.
Austin: I pick up a piece— I cut from a piece of—
Austin (as Eloise): Uh huh.
Keith (as Sank): We have the balloon. I don't know how we have it yet.
Austin (as Eloise): But we have it.
Keith (as Sank): But we have it.
Jack (as Melinda): And it takes off from the beach.
Austin (as Eloise): Right. And then we start to reel ourselves in across the city streets.
Keith (as Sank): Right, like a fishing line.
Austin (as Eloise): To wherever the truck is gonna be with the watches.
Jack (as Melinda): Which we don't know where that is.
Janine (as Cattie): If we have to—
Keith (as Sank): Oh, and by…
Janine (as Cattie): If we have to steal and learn how to control a vehicle, wouldn't it be easier to steal and learn how to control a truck?
Art (as Pomp): Truck’s not tall enough.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah. [Austin laughs] Yeah, 'cause you couldn’t come from above with a truck. We have to come from behind.
Austin (as Eloise): I think she means the watches truck.
Keith (as Sank): And I think there’s two other guys already coming from behind. [Art chuckles]
Austin (as Eloise): Wait a second.
Jack (as Melinda): What?
Austin (as Eloise): Wait a second!
Janine (as Cattie): I don’t mean we should fly a truck down.
Austin (as Eloise): Wait a second!
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): We don't need to steal from the truck. We need to steal from the guys.
Art (as Pomp): Oh, no, those guys are gonna fail.
Keith: [laughs] You don't know that.
Austin (as Eloise): I didn’t meet them.
Janine (as Cattie): We could enable them.
Keith (as Sank): We could be—
Janine (as Cattie): We could help them.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, we could be there waiting.
Janine (as Cattie): That's the thing.
Art (as Pomp): All right.
Janine (as Cattie): Actually, all we have to do— what if— okay. Now, I'm not, again, I'm not saying we should do this. I'm not saying that if I had watches that I could sell and then maybe self publish my own photography book that I might be able to elbow into Arvo and Stacks’s graces a little better.
Keith (as Sank): Right.
Janine (as Cattie): I’m not saying any of these things.
Keith (as Sank): I thought that you had an entire different photography philosophy from them.
Janine (as Cattie): I don't need to get into it right now. [Austin laughs softly] But, you know, if, for example, those two guys were planning that heist still, were planning to steal the watches, and we could offer them some assistance on the periphery. So, you know like a relay race, right?
Keith (as Sank): Mm.
Janine (as Cattie): Where you sort of pass the baton around. Maybe we have one person who's up in the balloon and they do a bird call when the truck is coming. And then the guys hear it, and then they can go to someone else and like a distraction—
Keith (as Sank): Sure.
Janine (as Cattie): A couple of us would start a distraction, and then they can—
Keith (as Sank): I like that.
Janine (as Cattie): It stops the truck, and then they unload the truck. And then once they have it, we could steal from them, because they seem very easy to steal from themselves, if what I saw Sank—
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Janine (as Cattie): You could just— here's the thing, just shell game them. [Austin laughs] You just— they get the box of watches, right? And then you just challenge them to a shell game, and we're done. We're out of there. No one saw us do any shit. Our hands are clean. We can publish whatever books we want, and we're good.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, just think of it. You can publish whatever book you want.
Janine (as Cattie): If we did it, which we shouldn't. Uh, it doesn't— again, it doesn't matter. We shouldn't do it. It's…
Austin (as Eloise): It sounds dangerous.
Janine (as Cattie): This is hypothetical, but…
Jack (as Melinda): No. This is how I would do it though, if we were gonna do it.
Austin (as Eloise): If we were gonna do it.
Keith (as Sank): Right. If we were gonna do it, this is how we’d do it.
Art (as Pomp): What if we lose the shell game, though? Then you would owe— we would owe them—
Austin (as Eloise): A thousand watches.
Art (as Pomp): A thousand watches.
Janine (as Cattie): Pomp. Okay, hang on. Sank, do you have your shells with you right now?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Janine (as Cattie): Can we— can we just do a best, uh, best out of three with Pomp?
Keith (as Sank): Yes.
Janine (as Cattie): Just like, boom, boom, boom?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Art: Okay, so…
Janine: Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. [laughs]
Austin: Are we rolling?
Art: No, I think Pomp just loses three in a row. I don’t…
Austin: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Keith laughs] Pomp doesn’t have it like that.
Janine: Yeah, this is illustrative.
Art (as Pomp): But like, I'm picking the wrong one ‘cause I think it's the right, but what if I like— like, couldn't someone accidentally pick the right one?
Keith (as Sank): Yes.
Austin (as Eloise): Well, that's not convincing.
Keith (as Sank): Well, that's why the whole thing, it's a game of averages. See, the chances that they're gonna pick the right one accidentally is low enough that I can, you know, when, you know, it's four or five out of six.
Jack (as Melinda): [crosstalk] It’s one in three, my friend.
Austin (as Eloise): Yeah, isn’t—
Janine (as Cattie): Sank, can you—
Art (as Pomp): Well, it's not if you’re trying. You're gonna do worse.
Janine (as Cattie): Sank, can you do me a solid right now?
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Janine (as Cattie): I want you to hold your arms out and make sure your sleeves are loose and then shake your hands over the table. [Jack chuckles]
Keith (as Sank): [sighs] Okay.
Keith: And I do it. And a bunch of dice fall out.
Austin: Uh huh.
Jack (as Melinda): Ah, that's how he— okay. Mm.
Austin (as Eloise): Oh. I think as a backup—
Keith (as Sank): Sorry for lying about how it's…saying that it's a real game a second ago. [Jack and Janine laugh]
Austin (as Eloise): We all know you’re a liar.
Jack (as Melinda): No, no, yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): It's fine.
Janine (as Cattie): It's a game. It's just not the game people think it is. [Austin chuckles]
Austin (as Eloise): We should be ready to stick them up, though, just in case.
Jack (as Melinda): In the game we’re playing? ‘Cause we're not gonna stick anybody up.
Austin (as Eloise): No, I mean, if— just in case Sank loses. ‘Cause what if they cheat?
Keith (as Sank): But you can't cheat. You have to pick.
Jack (as Melinda): What do you mean stick ‘em up? We need a weapon?
Austin (as Eloise): Well…
Jack (as Melinda): In the game?
Austin (as Eloise): We do have…we have candy revolvers at the shop. And I just think if we had one, it would be a little…hypothetically, in the game, in the…we’re playing pretend.
Keith (as Sank): And you have candy cigarettes too. That would go really good with the candy revolvers.
Austin (as Eloise): It would go really good, yeah.
Jack (as Melinda): ‘Cause we’d look intimidating.
Austin (as Eloise): I have some with me, actually. I was gonna— it was gonna be a surprise for everybody.
Jack (as Melinda): Oh, can I have one?
Austin (as Eloise): When we're done.
Jack (as Melinda): Okay.
Austin (as Eloise): They’re a treat.
Keith (as Sank): And then also I have real cigarettes here, because it’s 1900.
Austin (as Eloise): Shh, no, those are expensive. Save those. For after. [Austin laughs] We can smoke those after we get the watches.
Keith (as Sank): We can all smoke these after. [Keith laughs]
Austin: No one should smoke, kids. I’m opposed to this.
Keith (as Sank): Melinda, you're not— you're older than 12, right? [Austin laughs] Anything younger than 12, and you only get half.
Austin: No! [Austin and Jack laugh] Ah. We were fucked up as a society in many different ways for a long time. Um…
Austin (as Eloise): Well, this was a fun conversation, everybody.
Jack (as Melinda): If we were gonna do it…
Austin (as Eloise): Which we're not.
Jack (as Melinda): Which we're not, because again, we’re basically children, and the trying to rob…well, trying to assist in a robbery of a watch truck and then steal from the people we have assisted in? That's a thing that happens in…
Austin (as Eloise): Stories.
Jack (as Melinda): In stories.
Keith (as Sank): Right.
Jack (as Melinda): We’re not gonna do that.
Keith (as Sank): And not in a specific kind of story.
Jack: No, that hasn't existed yet [laughs] that they can’t say the name of, like movies. [Austin laughs]
Janine: It happens in, what are those things called? Penny whatevers? Where it’s like a—
Jack: Yeah, I was trying to— like penny dread— like broadsheets or something?
Austin: They don’t exist yet.
Janine: No, no penny dreadfuls are like the paper. I mean the ones that are like, it’s like a little thing.
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Keith: Oh, the Nickelodeons?
Janine: It's like a box. Yeah, Nickelodeons.
Austin: Oh, right, right.
Jack: It’s no barrel organ. What would the—
Keith: Snow barrel organ?
Austin: Oh, penny dreadfuls do exist at this point. So yeah, we're good.
Jack: What would the first—
Janine: No, penny dreadfuls do, but penny dreadfuls are…that's different. That's like a…that's like a tabloid newspaper.
Austin: Oh.
Jack: Janine’s thinking of the like, the thing where you put your eyes to a thing, and it’s like, “What the butler saw.”
Austin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking for…I was looking for like pulp stories.
Jack: Oh, sure.
Austin: Which, penny dreadfuls include that. There's fiction inside of that, for sure.
Jack (as Melinda): What would step one be?
Keith (as Sank): Get Luce on board.
Austin (as Eloise): Find those guys.
Keith (as Sank): Hmm.
Janine (as Cattie): Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): Well, I guess either those would work.
Janine (as Cattie): See if they still plan to do their thing.
Jack (as Melinda): Find the guys. Get Luce on board. To just like, what, go up in the balloon with a telescope and birdcalls?
Austin (as Eloise): I think we should get the rope just in case, also. That would also be a good step.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin (as Eloise): Early step.
Jack (as Melinda): Get a lot of rope. Yeah.
Keith (as Sank): Everyone, write down your rope guy.
Austin: Scribble, scribble, scribble. [Jack and Keith imitate writing sounds]
Jack: Rope writing noises.
Janine: Cattie looks over Eloise’s shoulder and just copies the name that Eloise writes down. [Jack and Austin laugh]
Art: But we still end up with four different rope people, right? That’s the thing.
Austin: Yeah, I think we still get some amount. Mine is Beatrice.
Janine: Oh, sure, the ropemarm. [Keith laughs]
Austin: Yeah, ropemarm Beatrice. Um, I think we should roll, and I have a specific thing in mind, which is like, have we been quiet enough about this heist? Or has like an off duty detective been eating a lunch and can't tell if this should be…
Keith: Or the teacher.
[2:15:00]
Austin: Is this just kids goofing around— I don't think Willacker. I think Willacker’s too much of a fucking…
Keith: You don’t think Willacker's gonna call the cops on us?
Janine: It has to—
Austin: I think it's more— go ahead. What were you gonna say, Janine?
Janine: Our mall story needs a mall cop.
Austin: Exactly. You gotta have—
Keith: Mm. Oh, that’s true. It is in the book.
Austin: That style of…yeah. And I would like to roll to see did we sneak one past ‘em. I think it's three dice, because we have…
Keith: Everyone’s helping on this.
Austin: Everyone's helping. You know, Sank is a criminal. Who wants to roll three dice? What are we rolling under? Who's rolling, I guess? Who's our best Cred person?
Keith: Uh, me.
Austin: Yeah, then let's have you do that.
Keith: Is anyone else besides me and you not three/three?
Austin: Yeah, Melinda.
Jack: I’m four/two.
Austin: Which is…four meaning Cred for you, right?
Keith: Okay, so we're this…
Austin: Yeah, the two of you are the same.
Keith: Oh, okay. We just have— yeah, we just have our numbers backwards. Six. Three.
Austin: We succeeded, right? Yeah, under four, right? So.
Keith: That was close.
Austin: That was close. You rolled two sixes. So yeah, our mall cop instead, I guess— I don't know who our— do we have a name for this mall cop? What's a good mall cop name? What's a good boardwalk cop name?
Janine: I can open random name generator again.
Austin: Please do. Give me a couple choices here.
Janine: [typing] My new favorite one is behindthename.com’s random one, because it's— you don't have to fuck around with settings as much as the other one to get names that aren't just like super generic.
Austin: Ah, I see, I see. Mm-hmm.
Janine: Um. It offered me someone with the last name Titus again. [Keith laughs]
Austin: Wait, who was our first Titus?
Keith: The president.
Austin: Oh, the president?
Keith: President Teetus.
Jack: President Teetus. [Janine laughs]
Austin: Well. [Keith and Austin laugh]
Keith: This is secret service.
Austin: [laughing] Maybe he’s vacationing.
Janine: [laughs] I have a…ok, I have…
Austin: Or it’s his child.
Janine: I have Hanke Christel, but it's Hank with an E, which endears it to me.
Austin: Hankey? Or Hank.
Keith: No, it’s just Hank with class.
Austin: Hank.
Janine: Hankeh.
Austin: [laughs] Oh, it’s Hank with class! Hankeh.
Jack: Mm.
Austin: Hanke Christel. We like this better than the president? [laughs]
Jack: I feel like…
Janine: That president is dead.
Art: Maybe it’s a— maybe they’re partners.
Austin: It’s only been 25 years. It’s only been 23 years, since they—
Janine: The presidents were so old back then, weren’t they?
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah, but they…I mean, younger than they are right now.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: That's true.
Art: ‘Cause everyone that age is dead.
Austin: I don't mind Hanke, Hanke Christel. That’s a fun name. Doesn't notice, though. So absorbed in, uh…let me…
Keith: Penny dreadfuls.
Austin: No, no, no. I think food, or like the menu maybe.
Keith: Oh, okay.
Austin: So absorbed in the bill of fare that, uh, Hanke doesn't notice us making this plan. But we've introduced— we have now introduced this new character, so that's important. There is a cop out there who could ruin future things. But it sounds like we break at that point, from…we finish our meal. How was your steak?
Keith (as Sank): Oh, it was a little overcooked. I specifically told them to cook it well, so I don't know what the deal is.
Austin (as Eloise): You did, so I think that that's fine. I mean…
Keith (as Sank): What do you mean? No.
Austin (as Eloise): You're not gonna complain, right?
Keith (as Sank): No, I'm not gonna complain. But they asked if they wanted me to— if they wanted to do a good job, and I said, “Yeah, do a good job.” And then it was overcooked.
Janine (as Cattie): You should’ve got the broiled ham, then.
Keith (as Sank): Yeah, I should’ve.
Austin (as Eloise): [regretful] I should’ve gotten the sandwich.
Keith (as Sank): What did you get? Did you get a muffin?
Austin (as Eloise): I got butter cakes.
Keith (as Sank): Butter cakes.
Austin (as Eloise): [quietly] I wanted the ham sandwich. I should’ve gotten the ham sandwich.
Keith (as Sank): You can get one to go.
Austin (as Eloise): No, I’ll get…
Janine (as Cattie): You could just get— you get a piece of cold ham for 10 cents.
Austin (as Eloise): I’m good. That doesn't sound good to me, actually. Thank you, though. I gotta get back to the shop.
Keith (as Sank): Cold ham doesn’t sound good to you?
Austin (as Eloise): Not…not to go.
Janine (as Cattie): Cold ham on a butter cake?
Austin (as Eloise): No. Don’t want cold ham.
Keith (as Sank): Oh, 'cause it’ll warm up.
Austin (as Eloise): It’ll get warm and gooey.
Keith (as Sank): Gooey?
Janine (as Cattie): You know, a nice warm ham. [Austin laughs softly]
Austin (as Eloise): Anyway, um, this was fun. I hope to see everybody later.
Jack (as Melinda): Yeah!
Keith (as Sank): Yeah.
Austin: Stands up first, and leaves.
Jack: I'm gonna get up.
Janine (as Cattie): You know three boiled eggs at this place cost the same as a small steak? Three eggs. Who cares? [Keith laughs]
Keith (as Sank): Well, they're probably from the dairy there. Farm fresh eggs.
Janine (as Cattie): I gotta get back to work.
Keith (as Sank): And they were organic free range, I bet, too. It costs extra now, but—
Janine (as Cattie): Those words don't mean anything.
Keith (as Sank): It'll cost extra in the future, but now it's just how people do eggs.
Janine (as Cattie): The only thing I care about when it comes to eggs is that no one made the chicken jump off a diving board, okay? [Jack laughs softly]
Keith (as Sank): God, that was a bad summer.
Austin: Is that that scene? That scene seems to be wrapped.
Jack: Yeah, I think so.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: That almost doesn't even feel like a— I mean, it's a lunch scene, but it's…but I think— or I guess we decided, right? We decided that was gonna be Morning, right? So we'll come back with five more Morning scenes or four more Morning scenes to do or something.
Art: Well, we did take a break. We did some venting about work. And I would say progressed our goals after we defined the goal.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: That was a very efficient lunch scene.
Austin: That's true, but is that— eh, I guess it was. Yeah.
Art: I think we're all the way to Evening.
Jack: Ha!
Austin: No, we need to—
Janine: Whoa!
Austin: No! We can't blow through to Evening. We're all— each of these is supposed to—
Jack: We have a watch truck to rob.
Austin: [laughs] Each of these beats needs five scenes, Art, one for each of us.
Art: Oh, this— we're gonna do this for the rest of our lives. [Keith and Janine laugh]
Austin: This is what I’m saying!
[music plays: “America’s Playground”]