Clapcast 02: Post-Annie Recordings Transcribed by: Steph (@Downsnowing)
JACK: This is the first post-Annie recording, right?
JANINE (exasperated?): Yeah… I would be okay with having her in my room except she has a bell on her collar. Uhm -
[JACK laughs]
JANINE: Because we need to know where she is sometimes.
JACK: Yeah, that’s fair.
JANINE: So I don’t know that she’s gonna be a podcast adjacent cat. (chuckles)
[ALI laughs]
JACK: Unless we all just have a small bell on our desk that we agree to ring periodically.
ALI: Nope.
[JANINE chuckles]
JACK (chuckling): It all just blends in.
AUSTIN: No, Ali? That’s bad?
ALI (overlapping): I will not do that. Mmm-mmm (negative).
JACK: You’re sure Ali? I don’t see why you would be anti-this, Ali. This is like we’ve invented a machine that’s the opposite of Griffin’s cough button.
[ALI laughs]
JACK (chuckling): It’s just a bell. I’ve got like a scented candle here that I can -
[JACK proceeds to hit on his scented candle repeatedly]
ALI: That’s not a bell, but okay.
JANINE (overlapping): People don’t -- people don’t normally use scented candles as audio equipment, but I like that you’re thinking outside the box.
[Someone starts using random things on their desk to make noises into the microphone]
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN (with his mouth full): Okay
ALI: Thirty? Five?
AUSTIN: Thirty’s fine.
ALI: Okay
JACK: Kay. (pause) Oh wait, I’m not looking at time.is.
AUSTIN: Oh, well..
JACK: I’m good I’m good I’m good I’m good.
AUSTIN: Mmkay.
[Long pause followed by three very distinct claps]
ALI (amazed): Wow, wow what was that?
JANINE (overlapping): Wait, wait, wait...
JACK (overlapping, chuckling): What, what?
JANINE: I thought, weren’t we doing thirty five?
AUSTIN: No.
JACK: No?
JANINE: Oh.. I -- Why did I think that we were doing…?
AUSTIN: Ali said thirty five and I said thirty’s fine and -
[ALI laughs in background]
JANINE: Oh...
AUSTIN: Cause we had like fifteen seconds.
JANINE: Uh I didn’t clap at all.
AUSTIN: I thought we had a really -- I thought we had a super good clap and instead we did not.
[ALI laughs]
JACK: We actually had the bad one, yeah.
ALI: Let’s do top of the minute.
AUSTIN: The top of the minute.
JACK: Top of the minute?
JANINE: Okay.
JACK: Okay.
[Long pause followed by one single clap]
AUSTIN: That was good.
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: That was pretty good. I’m into it.
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Uhm… Alright.
[NEW CLIP]
AUSTIN: Uhm, before we continue, we need to time.is again cause I fucked up by recording when I was making Foley sounds.
JACK: How did you do that?
AUSTIN: I don’t wanna talk about it. We just need to time.is again, I don’t wanna talk about it.
[JACK and ALI laugh]
AUSTIN: You and everyone can keep recording. Everyone can keep recording. It’s fine, everything‘ll be fine.
JACK: Rupert is such a terrible bird that he actively broke one of our recordings.
[JACK laughs]
AUSTIN (laughing): He broke my recording.
JANINE: What Austin’s not telling us is that he recorded a voice macro for like his computer so, so that his computer thinks that whenever he makes a bird sound it’s time to like disconnect the microphone or whatever.
AUSTIN (recovering from laughter): Uh-huh. Uh, can we clap at twenty seconds, please?
JACK: Yup.
JANINE: Yeah.
2:30 AUSTIN: Sorry, Ali. This should be fine, it should be fine.
[Short pause followed by a spattering of claps]
JANINE: I clapped a little early.
AUSTIN (chuckling): Thanks.
[JANINE chuckles slightly]
[NEW CLIP]
AUSTIN: Get me a map.
JACK: Okay. I’m going to bring one up on my phone.
AUSTIN (overlapping, gleefully): Oh hi Annie. I just heard a cat.
[Spattering of laughter]
JACK (chuckling): Hey Annie.
JANINE (in background): Nope. Nope. She’s not…
ALI (overlapping): I think that’s one of mine.
JACK (overlapping): I think… no?
AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, is that - ?
JANINE: Wait, is she…?
[Rustling]
ALI: No, that’s definitely one of mine.
[JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: Okay. [Annie meows] Okay.
ALI: No, that’s Annie.
JANINE: Oh, it’s also, it’s also Annie.
[Everyone laughs]
JANINE (to Annie, laughing): Honey, no..
[ALI laughs, followed by JACK]
[Annie meows again]
JACK: Okay, I’m gunna…
[JANINE laughs]
JACK (laughing): Are you back Janine?
JANINE (chuckling): No, one second.
[ALI laughs]
JANINE: She’s up under the…
AUSTIN: Aww Annie.
[Pause]
JACK: This is Annie, you can find her on Twitter at…
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Not Quite Cat.
[Laughter and groans]
JANINE (sighing): Okay.
[Pause]
AUSTIN: Oh buddy.
JANINE: Okay.
AUSTIN: Okay.
[NEW CLIP]
AUSTIN: Fiasco’s pretty good.
JACK: It’s so good.
[Laughter]
AUSTIN: It’s a really good game.
SYLVIA: This was so good.
AUSTIN: Let’s time.is.
JACK: We’re just gunna - Sorry, everyone. Sorry for suggesting those great systems.
[AUSTIN laughs]
JACK: We’re just playing Fiasco, now.
DRE: Yup, it’s all fia -
AUSTIN (overlapping): It turns out - Welcome to the Fia -
DRE (overlapping): Fiasco all the way down
JACK (overlapping): Friends at the Table, The Fiasco podcast.
AUSTIN: Fiasco at the Table. We get to keep the acronym, which will be really useful.
JACK: Uh-huh (affirmative)
[Spattered laughter]
AUSTIN: Welcome to FatT.
SYLVIA: Say goodbye to the Veil, it’s all Fiasco now too.
[Everyone laughs]
SYLVIA (unapologetically): Sorry.
AUSTIN (overlapping a bit): Alright, fuck, Alright, let’s clap at, um, forty five? Give us some time to work out some feelings?
JACK: Mmm.
JANINE: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Oh, I’m hungry.
[Pause]
AUSTIN: And sad.
JANINE (dolefully): Yeah.
[Pause]
[Claps]
[NEW CLIP]
[Annie meows]
JANINE (to Annie): Go downstairs.
[AUSTIN chuckles softly]
ALI: … hot. And I can’t turn my air conditioning on.
AUSTIN: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
ALI: And it’s like hot out.
AUSTIN: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
JANINE: It’s sucks.
AUSTIN: It’s sucks.
ALI: Hoo. (pause) Do, uh, do we wanna consider like not making a podcast during the summer at all?
JANINE (exasperated): Mmm
AUSTIN: And take summers off? Yeah, that sounds good.
ALI (enthusiastically): Yeah.
[Soft chuckling]
[Short pause]
ALI: We just gotta regroup for a little bit folks.
AUSTIN: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
[AUSTIN chuckles]
[Short pause]
ALI: I wish we had like a studio.
JANINE: It’s just - ugh.
JANINE: I hate when it’s room temperature outside.
AUSTIN: Yeah, it sucks. I mean, it’s worse than that here but -
ALI: Yeah, it’s like nineties here.
AUSTIN: It blows.
JANINE: I just wanna like open a window and have a breeze happen. That’s all I want.
ALI: Oooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Mm-hmm (affirmative)
JANINE: I think it’s like the stillness too.
ALI (yawning): Uh-huh. You can -
JANINE: It’s like warmth and stillness is bad.
ALI (still yawning): Get a fan, yo. (pause) It’s fan time.
[Long pause, and sounds of someone eating chips]
JACK: Hey, I’m back.
JANINE: Hi.
AUSTIN: Welcome back.
JANINE (overlapping): Welcome back.
JACK (strained): I’m just sitting down.
AUSTIN: Hmm
AUSTIN: (big sniff in) Okay.
JACK: Mmkay
[NEW CLIP]
AUSTIN: I should -- I should give y’all a link to this.
DRE (laughing): Please.
ALI: I would, yeah, I would love to give this to the people paying for the privilege to watch this.
KEITH (overlapping): I’d love it.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Hmm. (pause) Hmm. Let’s see if it’s actually going. Let’s see.
[ALI chuckles]
AUSTIN: Yeah, it’s going. Alright, copy the new URL.
DRE (overlapping): Hey.
AUSTIN: I wanna put this a-right ‘dere.
[ALI laughs]
DRE (laughing): Okay, fuckin’ Borat. Alright
AUSTIN: It sounds like Borat, if Borat had a livestream. And was on Discord and was linking stuff on Discord.
DRE (in Borat voice): I’m playing da battlegrounds. Very nice.
AUSTIN (overlapping, laughing): Nope. Oh no.
ALI: Whew.
AUSTIN (still laughing): We have to delete Friends at the Table. We have to shut down the Patreon.
ALI: Yeah, the show is over now.
AUSTIN: Or. We could invite that jerk.
[Long pause]
KEITH: You mean, we could invite Borat?
ALI (overlapping): Borat? Oh my god (inaudible because of laughter)
AUSTIN: Yeah, Borat.
DRE: Austin, you know who you could also invite to our stream?
AUSTIN: (sighs) What voice are you about to do? Who could we invite?
DRE (overlapping, in another Borat voice): A-my wife.
AUSTIN (laughing) Oh no-oh. Wait, did you get -
DRE: Alright, that’s it, I’m done.
AUSTIN: Dre, did you get married?
DRE: That’s the only two Borat voices I know.
KEITH (underneath Austin and Dre): I can, I feel like -- I feel like -
DRE: Uhm, I did. Thank you.
AUSTIN: Congrats!
DRE: No, not really.
[Laughter]
DRE: Now, if [Borat Theme plays for two seconds] you could set this up so that, you know, we could play the soundboard through the -- through the
AUSTIN (overlapping): The top one is -
ALI (overlapping): We still have the (inaudible) by the way.
AUSTIN: Is -
[ALI tries to say something, but starts laughing]
AUSTIN: Borat theme. Loop. [Borat Theme continues for two more seconds] That’s music that I played two seconds of. These are bad. Borat’s bad.
DRE: Wait. Is there a Borat theme? Like a -- like an iconic theme song to Borat?
ALI: Don’t think so.
BORAT (from video): Should I tell people that I am a-good at sex?
AUSTIN: Bad.
BORAT (another video): A-my name-a Borat. I like-a -
AUSTIN: Bad. Hey, Borat’s racist.
[NEW CLIP]
AUSTIN: I’m Austin Walker, we should do a clap. We should do a clap.
ALI (laughing): We should really do a clap.
DRE: Hey, thanks for money everybody.
[ALI and AUSTIN laughing]
AUSTIN: Uh -- time dot is.
ALI: Yes, yeah that’s the -
AUSTIN: I’m 2.2 seconds ahead.
ALI (elongated): Oh.
KEITH: My time is exact.
AUSTIN (over Keith): I think -
AUSTIN: Yeah, well
[DRE laughing]
AUSTIN: Not all of us can have exact time, Keith.
KEITH: Sorry. Hey, I mean everybody could have exact time if they worked hard.
DRE: So, forty three minutes on the dot?
AUSTIN: That’s far.
ALI: Oh.
AUSTIN: No.
DRE (overlapping): Like, fifty?
AUSTIN (overlapping): Forty five seconds.
ALI (overlapping): Like, fifty. Fifty.
DRE (overlapping): Okay, forty five.
AUSTIN: Fifty? Okay, fifty.
KEITH: Fifty? Fine, fifty. I can wait.
AUSTIN (somber): I’m not sure I can.
[ALI chuckles]
ALI: Are you fucking -- okay.
[Pause followed by 4 separate claps]
ALI: See, we did it.
AUSTIN: That was bad.
ALI: (sighs) I don’t care.
AUSTIN: Let’s do one more.
KEITH: It sounded great for me.
AUSTIN: Let’s do one more at the top of the minute.
ALI (laughing): It took us so long to do this one.
[Pause followed by four separate claps again, but more spread apart than the first try]
AUSTIN: Okay.
DRE: That was worse.
AUSTIN: The first one was better, I take it back.
[ALI sighs]
[EPISODE END]