HYYH STORYLINE - LINEAR TIMELINE 

ly her | ly tear | ly answer
 smeraldo/teaser | save me (summary)
the notes 1 | the notes 2
mots persona | mots 7

credits: 
@ktaebwi [her] @doyoubangtan [tear]  @BTSxPANDA [answer] 

@acejeongkook [the notes 1]  @Aeonian_V [persona]  @tteokminnie [7]  @koonaikoo [the notes 2]

helpful summary blog

[important]: i’ve compiled a list of trigger warnings and sensitive content found/seen in BU right here.
please go over it before continuing reading. no-spoiler version here. I regularly update both lists.
I also want to note that in no way are any of the topics trivialized or romanticized in BU. 

~ feel free to tell me your questions and theories at @softkoo on tumblr or @heartskoo on twt ! ~

Hoseok

30 August YEAR 9

I woke up and rubbed my eyes. The hyungs seemed to be gesturing for me to quietly follow them. I actually wanted to sleep some more, but I listened to what the hyungs said. I tiptoed out of the room and past the hallway. The area was dark. I wondered what time it was, but there was no way to know if it was long past bedtime.

I climbed up the stairs and opened the iron doors that led to the rooftop. Creak. The hyungs startled and froze at the sound, and so did I. I looked around the place. We all huddled together on the rooftop. "Why did you tell us to come here?" At my question, a big hyung answered, "Just wait a bit, Jung Hoseok." It was at that moment. The north-side sky lit up with a boom. Surprised, I closed my eyes and shrunk in on myself. It also smelled like something was burning. Someone yelled, "Wow!" and the big hyung scolded him, telling him to be quiet. Through half-opened eyes, I looked up at the northern sky. With another boom, stars appeared in the night sky. "They're not stars, they're fireworks," hyung told me. The fireworks continued to bloom*. I laid down on the floor of the rooftop and looked up at the stars, the fire, the fireworks in the sky. "Jung Hoseok is crying, he's crying." I could hear the hyungs teasing me. "Hey." I wiped around my eyes with my sleeve. Without any reason, more tears came out.

[TRANSLATOR NOTE: fireworks literally translate from korean as fire flowers]

Seokjin
10 October YEAR 9
        "Let's go, we have to get out of here!" I grabbed my friend’s hand and ran to the rear door of our classroom. As I looked back while running down the hall, I saw the men spilling out of the classroom chasing us. "Stop! Stop right there!" Their voices seemed to seize us by the back of our necks.
We frantically thought of where to go as we darted down the stairs. The first destination that came to mind was the hill behind our school. We just needed to cross the playground and go out to the school gate and we would hit the bottom of the hill. Although it wasn't that high, it was pretty rocky and rugged. After running through the gate and rounding the corner at full speed, we ignored the walking trail and jumped right into the bushes. We waded through the dense limbs and kept running. We ran for what felt like forever, finally stopping when the footsteps behind us were gone.
        We collapsed on the ground covered with layers of dried leaves, sweat dripping from our faces. "They won't be able to follow us here, right?" My friend nodded, breathing heavily. We lifted our T-shirts to wipe our faces with the hem. My friend's face was wet with sweat and tears. His wrists were bluish black with bruises. The neck of his T-shirt was ripped.
        "Dad hasn't come home in over a week. Mom just keeps crying. The cleaning lady and driver stopped coming. Aunt says that Dad's company shut down. Those men came to our house last night. They kept pressing the bell and yelling for Dad. We stayed inside with all the lights off, and they kept swearing in front of the door. We couldn’t sleep at all.” My friend cried through his whole story. I couldn’t think of anything to say. All I could do was to tell him not to cry.
        It was shortly after the class had started when the front door swung open and four or five men burst in. They were unruly and rash. "Which one of you is Mr. Choi's son? Come on out with us." Stunned, our teacher asked them to leave immediately, but they simply ignored her. "We know you're here. Come on out right now." Some of the kids leered at my friend sitting next to me and began whispering. The men noticed and came towards us. "Can't you see that we're in the middle of class? Please leave." Our teacher tried to block them but one of the men pushed her hard to the whiteboard. She fell to the ground.
        The man who had shoved our teacher walked towards us in a threatening manner. All the students' heads turned towards us. The man snatched my friend's arm. "We'll take you to your dad and get the money from him. Surely, he won't turn away his son." The men were menacing, and the atmosphere was intimidating.
        I looked into my friend's face. He was trembling. Trembling hard with his head bent low. He was my friend. I reached under the desk and grabbed his hand. He looked up and I pulled his hand. "Let's run."
        The sky was getting darker and darker. No one seemed to be chasing us. We pushed our way through the tree and bushes to the walking trial. An empty lot with exercise equipment appeared before us. I leaned against the chin-up bar and my friend perched on a bench. "I'm afraid you'll get in trouble because of me." My friend seemed uneasy when I told him I would be fine. All I could think of in the classroom was to get my friend out of there. I had to get him far away from those men. But, as we started running away, I realized we had nowhere to go.
        "Let's go to my place." It must've been around 9 p.m. as quite some time had passed since the sun went down. I was starving. He must have been, too. "Aren't your parents home? Won't you get in trouble for taking me there?" "We can sneak in. If we get in trouble, then we get in trouble." My house was not that far from the foot of the hill. Soon, my house came into sight in the distance. "Go in right behind when the gate opens and hide behind a tree. I'll open the window for you later."
        Mom was sitting on the couch in the living room. "Where have you been? Your teacher called." Instead of answering her question, I told her I was sorry. It was usually the quickest way to end a conversation. Mom said Dad would be home any minute and went into her room. My room was opposite their room with the living room in the middle. I quickly went into my room and opened the window.
We heard the front gate open while playing a computer game after a snack of bread and milk. My friend looked at me with frightened eyes. "It's okay. Dad never comes into my room." The door of my room burst open before I finished speaking. We both sprang up from our seats with fright.
        "Are you Mr. Choi's son?" Dad continued without waiting for an answer. "Come on out. Someone is here to take you." There was a man standing by the door. I thought he was Mr. Choi at first but quickly realized he wasn't. He was one of those men who had marched into the classroom earlier. I looked up at Dad. He looked exhausted, with knitted brows and subtly quivering eyelids. It was better not to bother him when he was in that mood. While I was trying to read his face, the man came into my room and grabbed my friend's shoulder. I got in front of my friend. "No, Dad, don't let this man take him away. He is one of the bad people."
        He just kept looking down at me and did not budge. "Please help him, Dad. He is my friend." The man tried to pull my friend outside. I held onto my friend's arm, and Dad grasped my shoulder. He grasped it and pulled it hard. I had to let go of my friend's arm. He was being dragged out of the door. I squirmed and writhed to break free, but Dad strengthened his grip. "It hurts!" I screamed, but Dad didn't let go. He just grasped my shoulder even tighter. Tears ran down my face.
        I looked up at Dad. He was like a massive gray wall. His face was expressionless, with even the exhausted look now gone. He slowly opened his mouth with his eyes fixed on me. "Seokjin, be a good kid." He still had that blank look. But I knew what to do, what to do to stop the pain.
        “Seokjin." I turned my head at my friend's cry. He escaped the man's grip and was running towards my door. He was in tears. Dad, with his one hand still gripping my shoulder, slammed the door shut with his other hand. I apologized to him. "I'm sorry, Dad. I won't make trouble again."
        The next day, the seat next to mine was empty. My teacher said he transferred to another school...
        [THEORY: i think the flower Jin tries to protect in 'Fake Love' M/V might represent him trying to protect his old friend in this note, and eventually his new friends (BTS)]

28 February YEAR 10

Someone was sitting crouched down in front of the supermarket. It was a hyung I had never seen before. He was playing with Doobu. He was petting him and giving him what looked to be bread. We met eyes for a second and, surprised, I faced forward and just kept walking. I hid myself in an alley and watched. ‘Crap. Who was that?’ I pulled my hands out of my pockets and touched the plastic bag containing the ham and toast. "Crap. I worked hard to save these without mom knowing."

"Oh, Taehyung is here. But what are you doing? Didn't you come to play with Doobu?"

I jumped up in surprise. It was the supermarket uncle. The hyung from earlier had lifted his head and was staring at me. "Crap. It's your fault, uncle." Having been seen anyway, I ran up to the hyung. "Hyung, who are you?"

"Me?" he looked at me with an expression like he did know what to say.

"Why are you playing with Doobu? Huh?" Again, he didn't say anything. That was how hyung and I came to talk. "My dad earns a lot of money so he said we can get a dog when we move to a big house. I'm gonna take Doobu to live with me. So don't you dare get greedy."

While nodding, hyung said, "That must be nice."

"Does hyung's family not have money? Is that why you can't get a dog?" At my words, hyung replied, "Money?" and then looked at me. Then he turned his head and answered, "I can't get a dog."

"Try begging your dad. According to my mom, dads are weak to begging." Hyung just stroked Doobu while nodding his head. And then he mumbled, "That must be nice." I asked again, "So, who are you? What's your name?"

He answered without looking, "Me? Kim Seokjin."

Hoseok
23 July YEAR 10
        Mom handed me a chocolate bar. “Hoseok, close your eyes tight and don’t open them until you count to ten.”
        [NOTE: shown in 'Highlight Reel 起承轉結']

30 September YEAR 12

I walked toward where a crowd of people were gathered. I wonder what happened. It felt like that was the first time I saw so many people gathered in one place that wasn't at a playground or at school. The sound of all the people made me feel scared.

"What's happening? This is so scary, how am I supposed to live?" Someone said as they walked past me. I pushed my way past people's legs and came forward. I was scared, but I was also curious. There was an incredibly huge hole. The hole was in the ground. They said it was a sinkhole. I slowly went forward. I wanted to see what was inside that hole. Even in the broad daylight, I couldn't see inside the hole very well. There were only what seemed to be roots sticking out from the side where the earth had crumbled apart. I took one step forward.

"Be careful," someone warned from behind me. The tip of my sneakers went into the hole. The soil fell apart and I lost my center of gravity. Surprised, I stepped back. It was at that moment. Something from inside seemed to shine sharply. It was like a light, but it was also like another hole had been pierced inside the hole.

Namjoon

21 May YEAR 15

I snuck toward the front door. Grabbing the door handle, I turned it carefully while paying close attention. I didn't hear any sounds. Peering my head inside, I saw the house was dark. I stepped one foot in the house. I called out, "Mom," but nobody answered. I turned the lights on and looked around again. The time was past nine. There was no way the house would be empty. "Mom," I called out one more time but there was only silence. It was true that I was home later than usual. Normally I would come home to help my mom as soon as school ended, but just this once I wanted to go out with my friends.

So I ended up coming home late without telling them. But no one was home. Feeling weirdly chilly, I held my arms with my palms and stood in the dark living room. Suddenly, a phone started ringing. The chill sunk in. The phone was going off, but for some reason I got the weird feeling that I shouldn't answer it. A feeling that if I answered, everything would change and I won't be able to come back as the person I am now. But the phone kept ringing and I ended up walking up to stand in front of it. And then I picked up the receiver.

Yoongi

25 July YEAR 15

"Yoongi-ya." I sat down in front of the piano as soon as I entered the living room. I didn't even have time to wipe my sweat. I wiped my sticky hands on my T-shirt. My mom opened the sheet music. I couldn't see the sheet music very well. I blinked my eyes.

Until now, I had been running under the scorching sun for an hour. I couldn't hear my own breaths over the sound of my heart pounding. The sweat ran down my spine and my back was clammy. My fingers trembled erratically. "Min Yoongi." I snapped out of it at the sound of my mom's voice. "You can't even play Chopin properly, and you think this is time for you to be composing?" My mom hit the sheet music as she spoke. What have I been playing until now? I couldn't really recall.

"Again, from the beginning," Mom said in a low voice. "Again. Again. Again." She kept hitting the same page over and over. Sweat kept pouring from my body that hadn't cooled down yet. My mind was blank and I felt like throwing up. I don't know if that was why. I ignored the sheet music, ignored my mom, and let out the emotions that were about to burst out of me into my fingers. My mom grabbed my hands and pulled them away from the keyboard saying, "This is not the emotion!"

"Please stop!"I screamed as I stood up out of the seat. My mom stared at me as if frozen in place. "Stop! Just stop!" I just let out whatever words came up. I even jumped where I stood and tore at my head. Then in the end, I threw my mom's trophy at the piano. One piano key broke and popped off, skimming past my cheek.

Namjoon
21 June YEAR 16
        I darted down the stairs from the 13th floor. I was out of breath and my legs were trembling. I collapsed in the shadow of the entrance to the apartment building. I started late today because school got out later than usual. I had to go full speed to post fliers in all four apartment buildings by the deadline. If I didn't, my boss would be waiting for me with a long lecture. I had laboriously coaxed him into hiring a middle school student. Surely, I couldn't let myself get fired at this point. Mom quit her job at the restaurant last week. We had to pay for the doctor's bills for Dad, not to mention the overdue electricity and gas. I kept nodding off in the shadow. There were kids playing basketball in the far distance. I got up again. Time to run. I recited to myself. I must do it. I can do it.

20 August YEAR 17

It was a mild day. The sky was blue and the air was cool. With my mom and dad, I got in the car and left the house. Exciting music filled the car and I opened the backseat window to reach my hand out. Yellow ginkgo leaves came down like rain. I moved my hand quickly to try and catch the falling ginkgo leaves, but I wasn't successful. My mom turned around and said, "Jimin-ah, you're going to get hurt doing that. What are you going to do if you get hurt and can't go up on stage?" I walked up on the stage. A bright, white spotlight shined down on me from above my head. The floor echoed to the booming beat. I danced amongst many of my friends. We soared up together, then landed together, and turned to the left to face each other. My friend and I were both out of breath. But still, we looked at each other and smiled. People bursted in applause. We went out toward the audience and bowed our heads. Some distance away, my mom and dad were standing and clapping. They looked at me and smiled.

I opened my eyes to see the ceiling of the hospital room. Tears welled up. I knew it was a dream, but I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay just a little longer in that applause, and under those ginkgo leaves — but the morning came inevitably, and the dream disappeared.

Jungkook
11 September YEAR 17
        I waited for ten days, but the birthday card never came. I opened the bottom drawer and lifted a notebook to find four cards. Jungkook, Happy Birthday, from Dad. I read these five words over and over again.
        It was winter, and I was 7 years old. The voices from the living room woke me up. My room was in the attic, and I could reach my parents' room by going down five stairs and opening the sliding door. I reached out to open the door and stopped. Although I was still young, I could sense from the heavy atmosphere seeping through the door that this wasn't a good time.
        Dad said that it was too difficult to go on and that the world was too heavy for him to bear. Mom didn't reply. She was probably crying silently or not moving at all. A long silence ensued. Dad said he'd be crushed if he went on living like this and he should leave now. Mom vehemently protested, calling him the most irresponsible man. Then, I heard my name. "What are you going to do about Jungkook?" I waited for a long time behind the sliding door, but Dad didn't answer. Then I heard the sound of the front door opening. "I'm completely empty, and there's nothing I can do for Jungkook." Those were my dad's last words.
        I ran back up the stairs to the attic. I moved my chair against the wall right under the window and stood on it. Dad was walking down the sloping road. First his legs disappeared, and then his waist, chest, and shoulders. It seemed as if an unknown world beyond the road was slowly swallowing him whole.
        Someone jerked the door of my room open, and I instinctively pushed the drawer with my foot. It was Mom. She said no birthday card will ever come and Dad was just that kind of person. It was her usual repertoire. Dad was feeble-minded, incompetent, and most importantly, a social misfit who deserted us… Mom was right. No birthday card will ever come. I was the world that was too heavy for him to bear - that world that he gave up on. A child who can never be a reason to endure it all. That was me.

Jimin
10 December YEAR 18
        I wiped off the steam that was on the car window as mom was telling me that we almost arrived. Outside I was able to see a sign that said "Songjoo Jaeil Middle School." Mom told me there were no more schools in Moonhyun that I can attend and it was a big relief that Songjoojaeil Middle School accepted me. After multiple times of being hospitalized and getting discharged, I moved schools many times. How long can I last in this school this time? While thinking, we passed the gate and entered the field. Guessing it was due to the cold, there was no one. Mom parked the car next to where the pull up bar and swings were.
        As I got out of the car, I looked at the pull up bar. If I look back at my childhood, there is one memory I remember clearly more than others. A blue sky that would probably come out in fairy tales and white clouds that came towards me at a very alarming speed. Before what happened at Grass Flower Arboretum I loved the playground to the point it was extreme. According to mom I went out in the morning and played till it was night time. The favorite was the swings. If I kicked the ground hard I was close to the sky to the point it was dizzy. Although it was scary I liked the giddy feeling.
        One day I wonder what it feels like to have a full spin riding the swing. It was also something no one in the town was able to do. I told my friends to push as hard as possible, put strength in my body, and got higher and higher. The blue sky and white clouds ran towards me. When I flew the highest, I got dizzy and fell off the swing. When I woke up I was laying on the sand. A handful of sand went in my mouth, I scraped my knees, bled, but for some reason it wasn't painful. I was just frustrated at how I couldn't swing a full circle.

Jungkook
25 June YEAR 20
        I stroked the piano keys, smearing my hands with dust. I put some force into the tips of my fingers and the sound that came out was nothing like what hyung had played before. It’s been 10 days since he last went to school. I heard he was expelled today. Neither Namjoon nor Hoseok told me anything, and I couldn’t ask them, as if I was scared of something. That day two weeks ago when the teacher opened the door and entered our hideout place, there was only hyung and me here. It was parents visiting day. I didn’t want to be in the classroom so I blindly headed to the hideout. Hyung didn’t even look back, he just kept playing the piano and I moved two desks together, lying on top and closed my eyes pretending to sleep. Hyung and the piano seemed different but at the same time they were also one, so much that I couldn’t even think of separating them. Somehow listening to him playing the piano made me want to cry.
        Feeling my tears about to fall, I rolled over, but then the door slammed open and the piano sound cut off. I was slapped in the cheek, staggering backwards and ended up falling down. I curled up to endure the abuse, but then the voice suddenly stopped. Looking up, hyung was pushing the teacher’s shoulder and standing in front of me. Over his shoulder was the teacher’s stunned face.
        I pressed the piano keys. I tried to mimic the song hyung used to play. Did he really quit school? Will he never come back? Hyung said a few hits, a few kicks was just common to him. If I hadn’t been there, would he not stand up to the teacher? If I hadn’t been there, would hyung still be playing the piano here?
        [NOTE: scene is from Save Me webtoon ep.7]

"Favor? What favor?" That was when my phone rang. I held up one hand to shush him and turned around. It was Mom. Dad had tried to go out alone and fell. She asked me to take him to the hospital. I shut my eyes. Anger rose from deep within me. I clenched my teeth. I could feel my annoyance slowly surging from my stomach. Snowflakes, now noticeably larger, fell on my face. I was going up and down that slippery road in this weather to earn almost nothing. The cut on my left ankle hurt and my thighs were burning. But I was setting out to ride that scooter again. It was the only way to earn that little hit of money today.
        I could understand why he tried to walk alone. It was his last pride as the head of our family and his attempt to keep his dignity as a parent. But we couldn't afford such luxuries in the face of poverty. Dignity, pride, a sense of justice, and morals just led to a greater burden and more money to spend. When I opened my eyes, Tae was staring at me. I handed him the key.
        When Dad and I got off the bus from the hospital, the sun had already set. The large snowflakes from earlier had continued to grow and created snowdrifts. The bus crawled along. It took twice as long as usual to get to the hospital and back home. I walked home carrying Dad on my back with no one in sight to hold an umbrella for us. My hair was damp and my hands holding him were numb with cold.
        I took a break under a zelkova tree past the road on the embankment. I caught my breath and looked up. A panoramic view of the village met my eyes. The village blanketed under snow appeared tranquil and peaceful. Warm yellow lights streamed through the windows of different houses here and there. The smell of steamed rice and stew sharpened my appetite. When we entered the alley after crossing the bridge, dogs started barking. Although we had lived in this village for several months now, the dogs still barked at me like a stranger. Mom sprang up when we came in. "He needs to receive outpatient treatment for at least three more days." I laid Dad in his room and went outside. Still no sign of the snow letting up. “Why do you hate me so much? Let me at least know the reason." I yelled at the dogs barking their heads off. I heard about Tae’s accident the next day.
        When I dropped by the eatery along the stream, I saw the owner talking with a police officer. I instinctively froze. I thought he had come for me. I had damaged the scooter the previous day. I could get in trouble for driving under age and without a driver's license. Should I run back home? But the bus wouldn't come for hours. It just wasn't possible to run away with Dad in his condition.
        "Did you hear?" It was the owner of another eatery next door. She said the accident happened when Tae was driving downhill after the delivery. His body was just lying there for more than three hours until someone in a passing car found him. A resident in the town with the rest area called the eatery owner, but no one set out to find him.
        The police officer said Tae was an unskilled driver. He also blamed him for not wearing a helmet. I saw a helmet, which I'd never seen before, placed on the counter of the eatery. The owner kept saying that he never forced Tae to go out delivering and even tried to talk him out of it. It was true. Tae and I had insisted that we were okay with it. The neighbors all chipped in. It was a small village where everyone knew everyone else. They had at least a memory or two about everybody there, whether it was about a fist fight, backbiting, or betrayal. A series of episodes about him came flowing out. He lived with his mom and sister and had no dad.
        Tae’s mom writhed in agony on a bench in front of the eatery and wailed. Bring my son back. Bring my poor, poor son back. It's a wrongful death… At first, the neighbors tried to soothe her and wept with her. But it was cold and the sun set early. In the evening, Tae’s mom was left alone, and the smell of dinner cooking flowed out through the windows as always. Everytime wind blew on the trees lining the stream, snow fell in lumps. She just sat there in the middle of it.
        I saw her sitting alone while I was taking Dad home from the hospital. Without realizing it, I stopped walking and remembered the spot of the accident. After hearing about Tae’, I walked along the trail by myself. My breath froze and fell to the ground as ice crystals. Tae’s shape drawn in a white outline on the road was half erased. I stopped at his feet. Damp leaves were rolling around, and the grayish traces of calcium chloride were still left behind. That could have been me lying there. If I had made that delivery, if it had been me instead of Tae, then this would be my outline. It could've been my family wailing on that bench instead of Tae’s.
        I bent my steps after Dad coughed violently. "Namjoon." Dad called me when we were about to enter the alley after crossing the bridge. As soon as I slowed my pace, the dogs started to bark. Dad continued in a feeble, frail voice. It was hardly audible, lost amidst the fierce barking. I pretended that I had not heard him.
        One more week has passed. The village quickly returned to normal. Tae's mom sometimes cried bitterly in front of the eatery, but no one shared in her sorrow, people just snubbed Tae's sister until she took her away. Some said it was just a traffic accident. I began to work at another eatery. In fact, I was charged with all deliveries to the village with the rest area. One more heavy snowfall followed, and the trail continued to freeze and thaw. Delivery orders were only trickling in now, but no one applied to do the delivery job. I made five or six deliveries a day, and my income increased that much. I always made sure to wear a helmet and protective gear. I never took my eyes off the road with every nerve at attention.
        Last night, I made my last delivery. I didn't know it would be my last at the time, but it was. The rest area closed down for the winter months anyways. When I went up there, people were gathered in the office. They seemed to be discussing the sales of the facility. I didn't recognize some of the faces. They must be strangers who just moved in. While I put down the food and took the money, one of them began to talk about Tae’s accident. Another stranger clicked his tongue and mentioned how dangerous it was to ride a motorbike on a snowy day. The stranger who first mentioned Tae’s accident warned me to always take extra care. I thanked him for worrying about me. But I didn't mean it. If he was so concerned about the snow-covered slope and my safety, he shouldn't have ordered food in the first place.
        “You know what's really dangerous?" the stranger blurted out right before I dosed the door behind me. "Calcium chloride and wet leaves, not the snow itself. Unless you're a very good driver, you'll skid if you step on them. Didn't it snow that day? Then, he must've...." His last words went unheard as the door dosed. I cut across the empty, dismal rest area. I passed the narrow snack bar and the local specialty discount counter and headed for the exit.
        I walked down the stairs one at a time. It was below zero, but it didn't feel that cold. The key kept slipping from my fingers, and I kept turning it to no avail. I clenched and unclenched my fist. The old scooter rattled like crazy and finally started. I pulled out of the rest area slowly. A curve began at the rest area signpost. I made a right turn in a wide circle, ran down a short straight section, and came to another curve that wound to the left. This was the spot where I slipped first and then Tae ran into trouble.
        I kept my eyes forward and rapidly passed the spot. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't taking my eyes off the road to stay safe, but it was guilt. Guilt for surviving alone. Guilt for feeling relieved that I was the one who was still alive. Guilt for not being able to come forward. Guilt for not speaking up to defend his driving skills and for not confessing that I'd never seen a helmet at the eatery. Maybe I was just a hypocrite pretending to have a guilty conscience.
        I had scattered the wet leaves on the spot where Tae went down. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I was responsible for all of it. I was the one who'd sprinkled the calcium chloride. With giant intentions, to prevent the road from icing over. In fact, I did it for myself because I truly believed that I'd make the next delivery and the one after that. “Do you know what's really dangerous?" What I'd heard at the rest area replayed in my mind. "He must've ridden over it and slipped." If I'd removed the leaves, if I hadn't sprinkled calcium chloride, would he have been safe?
        Several people were already at the bus stop, waiting for the first bus of the day. I nodded my head in greeting and then kept it bent. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. The first bus of the day came into sight.
        The bus gradually came to a stop. With my head bent low, I boarded it after the other passengers. I didn't have a specific plan. I was just sneaking away. From Mom's exhausted face. From my brother going astray. From Dad struggling against his illness. From our family's fortune going downhill. From my family requiring sacrifice and obedience from me. From me trying to resign to my fate. And, most of all, from poverty. Poverty eats into the heart of life. It turns what’s precious into something meaningless. It makes you give up what shouldn't be given up. It makes you doubt, fear and despair.
        Last night, I left the rest area, dropped by the eatery, and then went home. I don't remember who I met and what I talked and thought about in between. My entire body and mind felt numb. I couldn't tell whether it was windy, whether it was cold, how it smelled, or who I ran into. My brain seemed to have frozen. I was moving mechanically like a zombie oblivious of who I am, what I've done, what I'm doing, and what I'm thinking. It was the barking dogs that shook me out of it at the mouth of the alley leading home. In that moment, all my senses, which had been paralyzed, awoke at once and countless scenes from my past spread out before my eyes: the days of hopping from one place to another, the moment I slipped on the road, me crawling to the eatery owner and competing with the other boys to land the delivery jobs, the boys who laughed at me, and me looking at my peers in their school uniforms waiting for the bus. The sound of barking dogs and the sight of their threatening eyes filled with hatred were added to these scenes.
        I almost screamed, "Stop it! What do you want me to do?" But I held myself back. Dad's voice rang in my ears. Dad's feeble, frail voice. I thought of what he had told me that night when we came home from the hospital… what I pretended not to hear but heard clear as day through the barking of dogs. What I had dwelled on over and over since that day. What I had tried not to think about. "Go Namjoon. You must survive."
        The bus departed, set to arrive in Songju a few hours later. I didn't leave a message when I left Songju one year ago. Now, returning to the city without any notice. I thought of my friends. I haven't kept in touch with any of them. I wondered what they were doing and if they were still there. I couldn't see outside through the window covered with frost. I slowly wrote on the window with my forefinger.
        "I must survive." [NOTE: this phrase is written on the mirrors in 'Prologue', 'REFLECTION - Short Film', and 'I Need U - JPN Vers.']

Seokjin
1 February YEAR 22

The broadcast announced that we would be landing shortly. Outside my window, I still only saw foggy clouds. I looked back over my time in LA. I liked it because there was the ocean. Other than that, nothing really came up.

The plane seemed to circle around, and in a moment the land came into view. Coming back to Songju was a sudden situation. My father said over the phone, "Come." Of course there has to be a reason. My father is not the kind of person who acts without reason. But he didn't tell me what that reason was. Knowing I'll find out when I get there, I didn't ask him. No, it could be that coming back to Songju isn't a sudden thing. It could be that everything was planned in advance, and I was the only one who didn't know.

"Is that our home?" I heard the voice of the little kid sitting in front of me. I looked outside the window. "No, our house is across that river there," someone who seemed to be the father answered. Home, I repeated to myself inside. It didn't feel like I was going back home. But then again, it wasn't that LA was home either. LA and Songju. Both places were my address, but neither of them were home.

Hoseok
25 February YEAR 22 
        My world has completely changed once again after my nineteenth birthday passed. I was no longer a child under protection and I was not allowed to stay at the orphanage anymore. I got a room with the independence fund provided for kids who 'aged out' along with the money I saved up by doing part time jobs. I could even dare to look near ‘Two Star Burger’ for a place. I tried to look at places near Songjoo station but there wasn't much difference. In the end I had to go up the hill. The rooftop room is located all the way in the dead end of the street.
        I went up the steel stairs carrying the trunk. Although I was leaving the orphanage where I stayed for more than 10 years, there were not many items. I finished by organizing a few clothes and sneakers and placing small furniture brought from the recycling store.
        But I guess moving is still moving, when I finally straightened my back it was already dark. My back was sweating in the February weather. As I opened the steel door with a creek the late winter wind came in. I walked out and leaned against the railing. From the view I was able to see Songjoo. Just with my eyes I tried to find the orphanage. The clover shaped sign that you see on the left following the river. Through the neon sign and lights it was hard to see the orphanage.
        I turned my head and looked at the rooftop room. Just a small one room. A poor shabby room which is steaming hot during summer, cold wind comes through between the window sill during winter. But it's the only place for me on Earth. The place where I can be myself. The place where I can open up. No matter how stupid the fear is or if it's a hope people would laugh at. A place I can laugh and cry my heart out. “Let's do well!” I screamed towards the rooftop room. The highest floor in this city, the point that meets the night sky the closest, this place was my home from today.

Seokjin
11 April YEAR 22
        When I opened my eyes it was April 11th again. Sunlight shone through the open curtain. When I got up I got so dizzy that I closed my eyes again. The surroundings turned red and Taehyung came to my mind. He was standing alone on top of the observatory platform at the beach. This happened on May 22. It was the past and the future, something that happened before and could happen in the future. It all happened when I thought everything was solved.
        It was around when the sun was setting when I saw Taehyung climbing up the platform. The sky was still blue but the dark red atmosphere was creeping in. I was looking around and saw Taehyung climbing up. When Taehyung reached the top he looked down at us for a short time. Then he jumped. Like a bird, he flew as if he had wings. It seemed like he was in the air for a second, then it felt like glass shattering, the curtain opening bringing a wave of cold air.
        Then when I opened my eyes again it was today, April 11th

(chapter 1)
> Seokjin comes back to town after 2 years since he was sent abroad by his father. It’s April 11th.
> Whilst driving around, he sees Jungkook at school and starts thinking about how he hasn’t been in touch with any of the boys for those 2 years he was sent away. He sees Namjoon working at the gas station later as well, yet he makes no effort reaching out to any of the boys.
> May 22nd. Seokjin finally decides to reach out but he’s too late. Namjoon is in a detention center for beating up a customer who spoke down to him and threw trash at him because he’s poor.
> While visiting Namjoon at the detention center, he learns that Yoongi and Jungkook are dead. Yoongi commited suicide via fire. Jungkook jumped off a building. Hoseok had an accident and was hospitalized.
> When leaving the detention center Seokjin hears a crowd shouting. He sees Taehyung, handcuffed, being taken away for the murder of his father.

--timeline resets--

(chapter 2)
> When Seokjin wakes up, it’s April 11th again. He goes through his day just as he had the first time. Passing Namjoon at the gas station. As he drives on, Jungkook falls on top of the hood of his car. Jungkook had jumped up the building Seokjin was driving past.

--timeline resets--

[NOTE: Seokjin doesn’t realize he’s going back and reliving April 11th over and over again yet, hence why he’s confused and just keeps doing what he did the first day he was back in town.]

> Seokjin sees Jungkook at school like he did that first day. He feels his hand clench and heart throb, but he doesn’t remember seeing Jungkook die in the last timeloop.
> This time, as he drives away from the gas station at night, he actually sees Jungkook fall to his death onto the pavement.

--timeline resets--

> When Seokjin wakes up on April 11th once again, he finally remembers little shards of memories from the first few timeloops and realizes he has the chance to save his friends.

(chapter 3)
> Seokjin drives to Namjoon’s workplace and pulls up to greet him. When the rude customer mocks Namjoon, Seokjin restrains him from starting a fight and stands up against the rude customer.
> He remembers that Jungkook died that same night so he rushes off, telling Namjoon that the 7 of them will go to the beach once more.
> It’s Namjoon who spots Jungkook walking across the road. He yells for him but Jungkook can’t hear.
> Seokjin comes to realize his memories might not be 100% accurate as he runs toward the building he thinks Jungkook jumps from only to see no sign of Jungkook anywhere.

(chapter 4)
> Jungkook bumps into some strangers as he walks alongside alleyways. Pissed, the strangers grab him and start beating him up. When they leave and Jungkook can finally stand again, he wobbles toward a high building and goes to its rooftop.
> Seokjin recognizes he’s in the wrong place and rushes toward the building he caught a glimpse of in his memories.
> With his arms stretched out, Jungkook stands at the ledge of the building’s roof. Shakily walking along its edge. Namjoon sees him and shouts for him to not move a muscle.
> Jungkook nearly falls to his death but Seokjin grabs him and pulls him into him, away from the ledge.
Namjoon joins them at the rooftop, worriedly asking Jungkook questions along with Seokjin, but Jungkook brushes them off claiming he was enjoying the view. Internally though he thought of his mother and step family scolding him and making him feel small.
> At that moment, Jungkook’s phone rings. It’s Yoongi.

(chapter 5)
> Jungkook, Seokjin, and Namjoon rush to the hospital where Yoongi was taken to after he lit his motel room on fire.
> It’s too late though, and they witness Yoongi die on the hospital stretcher.

--timeline resets--

> This time around, Seokjin drags Namjoon along with him as he searches for Jungkook. He finds Jungkook by the alleyways and grabs him right before Jungkook bumps into the strangers.
> Namjoon gets a phone call from the police station. It’s Taehyung. He was caught vandalizing again.
> While Namjoon and Jungkook go get Taehyung, Seokjin runs over to a motel and tells the staff that someone’s about to set a fire so he can attempt to get Yoongi out of there.
> Namjoon asks Taehyung if he’s been in touch with Yoongi. Taehyung says he’s seen Yoongi in his dreams. They hear a police dispatch call nearby about a fire threat at the motel.

(chapter 6)
> Seokjin and the staff have been checking the surveillance videos but he can’t spot Yoongi in any of them. However, when he looks out the window, the motel across the street is set ablaze.

--timeline resets--

> Seokjin tries a different approach by finding Jungkook before nightfall when he typically went to Namjoon’s gas station. He finds Jungkook walking to school like he did that first time. He rushes over and asks Jungkook if he knows where Yoongi is.
> Jungkook tells him about their last encounter. He was in Yoongi’s motel room as Yoongi laid on the bed flicking his match. Jungkook tried to speak to him, but Yoongi told him to piss off.
> Namjoon pulls up and tells Seokjin he can’t find any trace of Yoongi either. Just then, Taehyung spots them, overhearing the convo, and tells them he saw Yoongi.
> They all drive towards the part of town that Jungkook had his last encounter with Yoongi at. But Taehyung said it wasn’t the right building that he saw Yoongi at in his dream. The one in his dream was across the street.
> Seokjin hurriedly turns and cuts through the traffic. Him and the boys get distracted and a large semi-truck crashes into them. Killing the boys in Seokjin’s car.

--timeline resets--

> When Seokjin once again wakes up on April 11th, he begins drawing out a map on his wall. He labels the places where he spots each of the boys, when, and starts keeping a record of how he can save them and which order he should get them in.
> That night when he saves Jungkook, he makes him call Yoongi. Yoongi is at a bar getting drunk, he hangs up on them when he here’s Seokjin ask for his whereabouts. On edge, Yoongi starts banging the table and breaks a beer bottle.
> The owner sends him out and Yoongi heads to his motel room, playing with the match he found in his pocket.
> Yoongi lights his sheet music on fire and proceeds to drop to the ground, setting his whole room aflame.

(chapter 7)
> *flashback* Back in high school - the day Seokjin told the principal about the boys secret room. Yoongi was playing piano in their secret room while Jungkook laid on the bench next to him. A teacher bursts in, seeing the boys. He smacks Jungkook across the face, and is about to strike him again when Yoongi grabs him and defends Jungkook. Yoongi was promptly expelled that day. *end of flashback*
> Seokjin finds the motel Yoongi’s at and rushes to his room.  He breaks down the door with an emergency hatchet and drags Yoongi out from the suffocating smoke and flames, carrying him to the emergency room.
> Seokjin thought he did the right thing and saved Yoongi, but Yoongi is cynical and broken. He tells Seokjin that when he was surrounded by flames, he thought that must be what Hell felt like. Only to wake up and realize he was dragged into Hell - the real world he suffers in - by Seokjin. He tells Seokjin he should’ve left him to die.
> Time goes on though, and it’s May 11th. Taehyung is running from cops as they spot him spray-painting the side of a building.
> Taehyung runs and hides in Namjoon’s container that he lives in. He asks Namjoon if he can stay the night, not wanting to go home.

(chapter 8)
> Taehyung’s dream changes. Instead of seeing Yoongi in flames, he sees Jimin drowning. He shudders awake from the dream, still in Namjoon’s container. He asks Namjoon where he thinks Jimin could be.
> Jimin is at the hospital. He’s been there for about 2 years, ever since Seokjin had left and the boys fell apart. A young boy approaches Jimin at the hospital, asking him why he’s in the ward, because he doesn’t look sick.
Jimin says he doesn’t know. The little boy doesn’t know why he’s in the hospital either, and asks to be friends.
> The young boy promptly passes out, frightening Jimin, but when he calls for help, the person that answers is Hoseok. Hoseok explains that the little boy is narcoleptic just like him. Hoseok was temporarily in the hospital because when he passed out from his narcolepsy, he hit his head and got a concussion.
> It’s been 2 years since they saw each other, their last encounter having been at the bus stop when Hoseok had to help Jimin while Jimin had a seizure.
> In the bathroom, Jimin keeps having flashbacks to the day at the Grass Flower Arboretum. Jimin stimulates drowning by shoving his head in a sink full of water.
> Back with Taehyung and Namjoon, they’re walking by the crossroads, Taehyung tells Namjoon about his strange dreams. Yoongi in the fire, Jimin drowning. He says maybe it’s because he misses them so much. Namjoon suggests they visit Hoseok at the burger joint he works at.
> As Taehyung excitedly runs past Namjoon, Namjoon spots bruises at the back of Taehyung’s neck.
> When they get to Hoseok’s workplace, they’re told that Hoseok was at the hospital after he fainted. Namjoon and Taehyung head over there.
> Hoseok is roaming the halls at the hospital, before he turns a corner he hears doctors talking about Jimin and eavesdrops on them. The doctors mention that Jimin was forcibly hospitalized by his parents, and that ‘something bad happened to him as a child’.

(chapter 9)
> Seokjin contemplates if he’ll ever be able to save them. Especially Yoongi, who doesn’t seem to want to be saved. He decides he’s not going to give up though, and he’ll figure out a way to get the boys safe no matter how many tries it takes.
> He asks the staff at the hospital about Yoongi, but they tell him he was discharged for a month now. It’s May 22nd.
> Namjoon calls Hoseok in the hospital and tells him he brought the boys to see him. Hoseok tells Jimin, but Jimin fears what they’ll think of him being put away in a hospital for 2 years and doesn’t want to face questions he can’t answer, so he tells Hoseok not to let the others know he’s here.
> Namjoon has to leave early for his job, on his way out he runs into Seokjin and asks if he was here to visit Hoseok too. Seokjin however didn’t even know Hoseok was in the hospital.
> The next day Hoseok sits on the stairwell thinking about what the doctors said about Jimin. While pondering he hears a woman’s voice and follows it towards the doorway.
> He believes the woman is his mother who abandoned him as a child, he rushes down the staircase shouting “mom!” but trips and tumbles down, breaking his leg.
> Meanwhile, Seokjin runs into Jimin at the hospital. Their meeting is short-lived as doctors rush by them carrying a screaming Hoseok on a stretcher.

--timeline resets--

(chapter 10)
> Seokjin wakes up in a shock. It’s April 11th again. He knows he can’t give up. He starts writing out sticky notes of where the boys are at and sticks them to the dashboard of his car.
> It’s May 10th and Seokjin finds Hoseok walking on the bridge, he manages to catch Hoseok before he faints and hits his head.
> *flashback* Hoseok was dancing around and making the boys laugh back in their secret room at school when he suddenly collapsed to the ground. The boys huddle around him as he quickly regains consciousness and he brushes aside their worries, holding out the pills he seemingly forgot to take. *flashback ends*
> Hoseok wakes up in Seokjin’s car, bewildered to see Seokjin after 2 years, wondering how he even found him. Hoseok claims he doesn’t need to go to the hospital, that “they’ll just say what they always say” as he pops 2 pills in his mouth.
> Seokjin asks if he even knows what caused the narcolepsy. Hoseok falls silent, then tells Seokjin to drop him off at the intersection so he can go to work.
> Before then, Hoseok notices the scattered sticky notes covering Seokjin’s car. He asks Seokjin if everything is okay, but Seokjin just drops him off saying he’ll see him next time.
> While working, Hoseok thinks about how off Seokjin seemed. After his shift he talks to Namjoon. Namjoon mentions that he’s noticed Seokjin seemed weird too. But there’s nothing they can do.
> Hoseok announces that he has someplace to be and hops on his scooter. Namjoon warily warns him to be careful because scooters can be dangerous. Hoseok just laughs and says he borrowed it anyway.
> Hoseok had sent Seokjin a text asking if they could meet up and talk but was left without an answer. However as he approached the red light he spotted Seokjin in his car a few lanes away. As the light turned green, Hoseok hurriedly sped across the road to chase after Seokjin.

(chapter 11)
> Being that he was lanes away, Hoseok nearly got in an accident. He caused commotion in the middle of the intersection as drivers yelled at him.
> Seokjin was driving further away but was momentarily distracted by the commotion behind him. Because he was distracted he drove right past Yoongi.
> Yoongi checked himself into another motel.
> Hoseok was at a convenience store waiting for Seokjin to reply to his texts. As he looked out the window wondering where Seokjin could be, he saw Seokjin’s car race past.
> Hoseok runs out of the store and chases the car in the direction he saw it rush in. When he reached the place where Seokjin’s car was parked, he witnessed Seokjin carrying Yoongi on his back out of the motel.
> They get Yoongi to the emergency room. Hoseok is perplexed. He thinks about the sticky notes he saw in Seokjin’s car. He asks Seokjin, “you knew didn’t you?”
> Hoseok starts yelling at Seokjin, about how odd he’s been acting, he demands to know what Seokjin is hiding from him. What he knows.
> Seokjin pleads with Hoseok to just go home for today. He’s not ready to talk about it. Seeing his distress Hoseok tells him he’ll be waiting in the lobby.
> While in the lobby, Hoseok thinks he spots Jimin and rushes after him up the stairwell. He sees it isn’t Jimin and nearly falls backwards down a flight of stairs but is caught - by the actual Jimin.
> Jimin and Hoseok sit in the lobby together. Hoseok asks if Jimin has been at the hospital ever since his seizure 2 years ago. Jimin says his clock stopped, he’s frozen in time. He’s spent so long in the hospital and still has an unknown amount of time in the future there. Hoseok tells Jimin he knows how it feels to be frozen at a specific time.
> *flashback* Hoseok was just a child when his mother took him to the carnival. She had him stand in front of the carousel, a chocolate bar in Jihand, and had him cover his eyes and count to ten. *end of flashback*
> Hoseok asks Jimin, “You wanna get out of here or what?”

(chapter 12)
> Hoseok calls Namjoon that night and tells him there's something going on with Seokjin. He invites Namjoon and Taehyung to the hospital to sneak Jimin out.
> Seokjin goes looking for Jimin, but runs into Taehyung, Namjoon, Hoseok and Jimin coming down the staircase.
> Taehyung asks Seokjin to help them sneak Jimin out before the staff start doing night rounds. But Seokjin is hesitant because there’s no way of knowing Jimin will be better or worse outside of the hospital because they don’t know why he’s there in the first place.
> Seokjin tells the boys this, that it’s too dangerous and risky and that they don’t even know what illnesses Jimin could have.
> Taehyung reports saying if Seokjin really knew anything he’d know how much Jimin wanted to leave.
> Tension rises, Seokjin asks if Jimin was simply tagging along and grabs Jimin’s sleeve. Taehyung and Hoseok push him away. Hoseok tells Seokjin that Jimin has been stuck in the hospital for 2 years, locked up by his parents.
> Namjoon notes that while none of them had it easy the last 2 years at least they weren’t locked up. And Taehyung adds that there are no choices there, it wasn’t even Jimin’s choice to be there in the first place.
> Ultimately Seokjin asks Jimin for a definite answer. Leave or get out.
> *flashback* Jimin thinks back to when he was first put into the hospital. His mother told him there’s nothing more for her to do to help him, that he’ll just have to stay there until he’s ‘better’. Jimin wants to run after her as she begins to leave, begging her not to leave him there. He sees himself covered in mud. He feels dirty. Like there’s something grabbing him. He thinks of the nights he spends  in the bathtub rubbing his skin raw, scratching at it until he is ‘clean’. *end of flashback*
> Jimin looks at the boys, his friends. He tells them he wants to leave. He wants to get out of there.
> As they rush towards the doors they’re caught by Jimin’s mother. She forces Jimin back into his hospital room. She berates him for being with the troublemaking boys that attended school with him during high school.
> Jimin asks his mother why he’s even there. “Do you even know how I’m doing, what I’m doing here?” He loses his patience and asks his mother if she’s tired of showing up and blaming him for his trauma. He asserts that he’s okay and wants to leave but he’s locked up because she’s embarrassed of him.
> Jimin’s outburst results in him getting slapped across the face by his mother. She reaffirms that it’s not her fault he gets seizures and that Jimin has no idea what he puts her and his father through. She leaves him.
> Jimin sobs quietly. It was the first time in 2 years he’s ever gotten visited.
> It’s May 12th when Seokjin is walking through the hospital halls alone. He hears yelling down the hall “Mr. Park!” He rushes over to see the hospital staff breaking open the door, behind it Jimin is submerged in a bathtub filled with water. Seokjin rushes forward to grab Jimin out of the tub.

(chapter 13)
> Fortunately, Jimin wasn’t underwater for long when Seokjin pulled him out of the tub and shook him awake. Jimin starts crying and asks Seokjin to get him out, he wants to escape.
> While driving away with Jimin in the car, escaping the hospital staff and security guards, Seokjin passes by the Grass Flower Arboretum. Jimin sees the sign and starts freaking out, thinking he’s being taken near it, and he jumps out of Seokjin’s car.

--timeline resets--

> April 11th. Seokjin is exhausted and discouraged, he thinks of all the pain and suffering he’s witnessed, all the times he failed. He wonders if he can even save them or if it’s hopeless. He pulls out the polaroid photo of him and the boys at the beach. Seokjin begins to sob, and remains sitting on his floor throughout the night.

--timeline resets--

> He wakes up, and it’s April 11th again. Inaction has the same consequence as failure.
> Seokjin hears his door ring, and opens it to find Taehyung. Taehyung tells him that he saw him in his dreams.
> Despite how much it hurts him when he fails, Seokjin realizes he can’t give up on his friends.
> Seokjin finally gets Jimin out of the hospital and takes him to Namjoon’s container. All the boys are there ready to welcome Jimin back. Namjoon offers for Jimin to stay at his place since he isn’t ready to go home or face his parents yet.
> Seokjin suggests that the seven of them go to the beach.

(chapter 14)

> Even though they all still struggle and have to face/overcome many adversities, Seokjin thinks, at least we can be happy when we’re all together.
> The boys have a bonfire and play with sparklers. Seokjin thinks he’s finally fixed everything. But, ‘not all things can be seen...and that’s why I couldn’t see their misery’.
> May 20th. Taehyung is released from police custody after being caught spray painting again. He walks into his home and hears a crash. He sees his father hitting his sister and pulling her hair.
> *flashback* Taehyung and his sister were still kids when the abuse started. They were covered in bruises and Taehyung wept, but still his sister consoled him and told him that when their father gets like this he must run and hide and let big sis protect him. *end of flashback*
> When his father slaps his sister, Taehyung grabs an empty glass bottle. He rushes at his father and stabs him.
> Taehyung hides away after the incident in an abandoned area. He shakily looks at his blood covered hands and shirt.
> Namjoon and Seokjin are talking on the rooftop of Namjoon’s container. They mention how Jimin looks happier, and that they did good in breaking him out.
> Seokjin asks Namjoon how Taehyung is doing. Namjoon mentions that he missed a call from Taehyung the other night. Seokjin’s smile drops. Namjoon says that he’s actually worried.
> *flashback* Namjoon thinks about not long ago when Taehyung ran into his container after being chased for vandalizing. He let Taehyung spend the night, and while he was sleeping he noticed bruises along Taehyung’s neck and back. *flashback ends*
> Namjoon tells Seokjin how it aches to see Taehyung smile sometimes, because they never know his personal baggage, he doesn’t let anyone into his vulnerable side.
> Just then, Hoseok speeds up in front of them on his scooter yelling. He tells them Taehyung just murdered his father.

(chapter 15)

> Seokjin drives to a familiar scene. Crowds of reporters are swarming as police escort Taehyung. Seokjin pushed his way through the crowd reaching out toward Taehyung and shouting his name, but it was too late.

--timeline resets--

> It’s April 11th. Seokjin thinks of how he let Taehyung’s misery and family circumstance completely slip his mind. He let his guard down for a second and everything fell apart.  But this time he’s gonna stay on the right track.
> This time, on May 20th, Seokjin finds Taehyung walking out of the police station he was taken to after being caught spray-painting again.
> Seokjin offers to drive him home. Taehyung is eerily quiet. Seokjin asks if there’s something going on at home but Taehyung tells him to let it slide. Taehyung tells him, “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”
> Seokjin thinks if there’s really any way he can help Taehyung’s predicament. He tells Taehyung, “I’m not asking you to tell me everything you’re going through. I just want you to know that when you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you, and the others feel the same way too.”
> Taehyung talks about his recurring nightmares. Very odd dreams he’s been seeing. Yoongi in a burning room. Jungkook falling from a building. Hoseok was injured. Jimin is locked up in a hospital. Namjoon in prison.
> Seokjin is taken aback, not sure how it’s possible that Taehyung could know what each boy has suffered in past timelines. Except Taehyung doesn’t realize he knows, he thinks they’re dreams.
> Taehyung says he sees himself in those dreams too. Seokjin asks what happens to him, but he claims he can’t remember because he always wakes up.
> They reach Taehyung’s building and he tells Seokjin to head home. A loud thud is heard and the boys can hear Taehyung’s father shouting, telling Taehyung’s sister to bring him booze and not talk back to him.
> Taehyung runs toward the building and Seokjin chases after him. Taehyung enters his family’s apartment and sees Father slap his sister. He grabs a glass bottle and breaks it against his father’s head.
> Seokjin runs into the apartment and tries to restrain Taehyung so he doesn’t kill his father this time around. Taehyung tries throwing Seokjin off, but he turns around and stabs Seokjin with the broken glass bottle.
> Stunned, Taehyung starts crying. Seokjin says to Taehyung, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Seokjin thinks that maybe this time around he’s saved the boys, at a hefty cost of his life. Before Seokjin fully loses consciousness, Taehyung holds up his body and lets out a teary cry “Come back!”

--timeline resets--

> April 11th. Seokjin realizes he can’t do this alone. He hears a voice again, it tells him their destiny’s are entangled and he’ll never make it out alone.
> He thinks back to that day they all met in detention in Year 19. He thinks back to that day at the beach. Petals start to fall, and Seokjin realizes it was never only him. They were always there for each other. “Just like that first day, together with you..”

When I opened my eyes, I was at a hospital. Mom was over in the corner talking on her phone. My mind whirled for a while. I didn't know where I was or how I got there. I gazed around and discovered windows with metal bars. Then, it all came back to me. The blue sky I saw on my way home, the silly games we played at the bus stop, the arboretum shuttle bus coming closer, and the glares through the bus windows.
        I shut my eyes. But it was too late. The front gate of the arboretum appeared before my eyes. It was school picnic day in first grade. I was running through heavy rain with my backpack over my head. A warehouse came into sight. The door was left open. I stepped inside. The sticky, musty smell, the sound of my heavy breathing, and screechy, metallic sound. I sat up in my bed and screamed.
        "No! I don't remember! I forgot!" Mom came running, calling out to someone. I shook my head violently. I swung my arms in every direction to get rid of that smell, touch, sound, and sight. But the memories came flooding in. The dam that had held them back the past ten years collapsed and every detail of that day surged through my mind, eyes, cells, and nails as if it was happening again. I had a seizure and was given an injection. The drug flowed through my blood vessels, and I quickly dozed off. I closed my eyes and wished that this was all a dream and that when I awoke again, I wouldn't be able to recall anything.
        That wish was just a wish. Instead, a cycle of seizures, injections, and injection-induced sleep that felt like falling off a cliff continued. After I awoke from sleep, my whole body felt like it was covered with mud. Mud that looked like blood. No matter how hard I tried to wash it off, that warehouse smell lingered. I scrubbed until I bled, but it still felt dirty.
        When the doctor asked me about it in a concerned tone, I trembled and apologized at first. I repeatedly said that I was sorry. It was all my fault. Please let me forget all about it. Then, I tried to pretend nothing had happened. I didn't know what he was talking about. I didn't remember anything. So I gazed at the doctor and smiled. "I don't remember anything." Did the doctor actually believe me? I wasn't sure. But what was important was that I became a good kid. My life at the hospital was peaceful. It was an ideal place to idle my time away. I didn't long for anything and didn't feel constrained, scared, or lonely. That was, until last night. Before I met Hoseok again.
        I was transferred to the surgery ward because I fought with the idiot who kept trying to get to the door at the end of the hallway despite the nurses' constraint. Both of us were injured and were put into two different rooms on the fifth floor of the surgery ward. I was put in a six-person room. My bed was in the middle, and patients on either side changed frequently.
        I woke up in the middle of the night. The patient next to me seemed to be having a nightmare and continued to groan. The groaning sound came from the bed on my left. I pulled the blanket over my head. I was sick and tired of nightmares. I didn't need to hear this. I tried to put up with it for a while, but his nightmare went on and on. Finally, I got up and stepped over to his bed. I tapped his shoulder and tried to help. "It's okay. It's just a dream."
        I found out this morning that that patient was Hoseok. I drew the curtains for my breakfast, and Hoseok was sitting on the bed next to mine. [NOTE: The scene in 'Run' M/V where Hobi hits Jimin with a pillow actually represents this part.] He seemed glad to see me again. Was I glad, too? Probably, in one corner of my mind. He had hung out with me and taken care of me, a transfer who was a complete stranger at school. He also took the long way home with me after school. I still recall the days when we used to walk home with popsicles in our hands. But he was also the one who saw my seizure at the bus stop before I came here. He was the one who brought me to this hospital. He must've run into Mom. I didn't want to explain my situation to him.
        I got out of the room with my meal left untouched. Hoseok seemed to follow me, but I knew every corner of this hospital. He couldn't catch up with me. I roamed around the hospital all day long. From the stairs, I saw the others, even Jungkook, when they came to see Hoseok. They hadn't changed much.
        All that afternoon, I climbed up and down the stairs and hung around on the other floors. I leaned against the window at the end of the hallway and counted the passing cars. I grew upset. I had skipped all my meals, and there wasn't anywhere to sit and relax comfortably. It was annoying to hear the peals of laughter coming from my room. I got angrier because I couldn't figure out why I was so angry. I came back to my bed late at night. "Where have you been?" he asked me casually. Then, he handed me a piece of bread.
        It must've been because I was starving. The bread was warm and delicious. I couldn't help confessing to him. That I'd long been confined in the psychiatric ward. I was briefly transferred to the surgery ward but would be sent back soon. That I wouldn't be discharged in the near future. That, as he witnessed, I was a person who had seizures on the street. That I was a patient who might be dangerous. I didn't want to add the last part. But I thought it'd stop him from criticizing me.
        He paused for a minute. Then, he took away my bread. "Jimin, don't exaggerate. Don't you know that I have narcolepsy? I can blackout anytime or anywhere. Am I dangerous, too?" He took a bite of my bread. I just froze, not knowing what to say. Then, he said, "What? You want this back?" He bit into the bread again and returned it to me. I took it back right away. He asked me again. "Are seizures infectious? Narcolepsy isn't. Don't worry." He hadn't changed a bit.

Jimin
19 May YEAR 22
        In the end, I had returned to the arboretum. I had to give up on the lies – that I did not remember what had happened there. Hiding out in the hospital, having seizures – I had to stop all these things. And to do that, I had to go to that place. With that decided in my heart, I had come to this bus stop for days on end. But I had not been able to ride the shuttle bus to the arboretum.
        Yoongi dropped down onto the seat next to me after three buses had already come and gone. When I asked why he’d come, he said it was because he had nothing to do and was bored. And with that, he asked why I was sitting here like this. With a bowed head, I hit the ground with the edge of my shoe. I thought about why I was sitting here like this. It was because I had no courage. I wanted to pretend I was okay now, pretend to know something now, pretend that I was able to easily deal with such things now – but I was actually afraid. What I’d run into, whether I’d be able to bear it, if I wouldn’t have a seizure again – I was afraid of all these things.
        Yoongi looked at ease. As if there was nothing in the world deserving to be rushed, he said that the weather was good, and other useless things. Only once I heard this did I realize that the weather really was good today. I had been so anxious that I had not been able to survey my surroundings. The sky was so blue. A warm breeze blew intermittently. And the shuttle bus to the arboretum was coming. The bus stopped and the door opened. The driver looked at me. I impulsively asked.
        “Hyung. Can you come with me?”

Taehyung
22 May YEAR 22
        I had seen this all before. In a dream that felt too vivid and real, I saw this sea, the seven of us, and the towering observatory. I stood in the observatory at the end of the dream. Everyone looked up at me. They were far away, so their faces were hard to see. Still, I smiled at them. As if I was bidding them farewell. And then I jumped.  [NOTE: his dreams are past timelines that Jin restarted. He DID jump before - see 'Prologue'.]
        “Seokjin?" Hearing Jungkook, I turned my head to see Seokjin climbing the observatory. At the very top, he turned his body towards us. He seemed to be trying to photograph us. The others waved at him, but I couldn't. It was like the last scene in my dream. The only difference was that Seokjin was up there instead of me. [NOTE: this is the ending scene from 'Euphoria'.]
        At that moment, it felt as if the ground sank under my feet and my body floated in the air. I shut my eyes tightly, fearing my body might plummet to the ground. I didn't clench my fist, but the wound on my palm began to hurt. The wound seemed deep but healed more quickly than I expected. It left a red scar. Sometimes it hurts intensely. Like I was being punished. Punished for all my wrongdoings. It hurts now.

Taehyung
22 May YEAR 22 
        “Hyung, is that all? Isn't there something else you are hiding from us?” [NOTE: this phrase is at the VERY end of 'Euphoria.']
        The surroundings got quiet at once. Everyone's eyes turned on me. I looked straight into Seokjin's eyes. Hyung looked at me. From the stare showed a little bit of tiredness, annoyance, and shame mixed together. I tried to ask again, but someone stopped me by grabbing my arm. I didn't turn around but I knew who it was. It was Namjoon.
        “What does it have to do with you hyung? You are not even my real brother.” I felt Namjoon's stare. Even without turning my head I shook off hyung's hand. I knew. I knew that I was getting mad at hyung for unnecessary reasons. That it was my way of saying I was showing my anger by repeating the same message he delivered to someone on the call. There was nothing wrong about what he said. I was only a year younger than hyung. I wasn't even his real brother. He was right that I had to do my things by myself. But I was sad. I was so mad that I couldn't say anything back. I wanted him to know how I feel.
        “Taehyung, I'm sorry. Let's stop talking about this issue here.” Seokjin was the one who broke the silence. The person who called my name and the person who said sorry were all Seokjin. Namjoon didn't say a word. “What do you mean stop? Tell us everything while we are on the topic. Hyung, you have something you are hiding from us.”
        “Let's talk about this outside.” Namjoon spoke as he grabbed my arm again. I tried to let go of his hand but this time held my arm tightly and tried to pull me outside. I tried to resist. “Let go of me. What gave you the right to stop me? What do you know? You don't know anything! Hyung you think you are something great don't you?” It was that moment. He let go of my arm. From that I stumbled from the reflex. No, I didn't stumble because of the reflex. The moment hyung let go of my arm it felt like the mid ring broke. It felt like everything I relied on started to crack and crumble down. Maybe I didn't want hyung to let go of my arms, lest drag me out while getting mad at me. Like you would do for a real brother, because it's a person who is so important that you can't let go. I wished that he’d scold me more.
        But he let go of my arm. It just made me laugh. What's so important about being together? What are we to each other? In the end we are all alone. That was when Seokjin hit me. 
        [NOTE: Fight scene between Tae and Jin in 'Blood, Sweat & Tears - JPN Vers.']

I heard faint voices and opened my eyes to find Hoseok and Jimin gazing at me. Every time I blinked, their faces kept disappearing and appearing again. "Are you hurt? Are you in pain?” Jimin asked. "I'm fine. I'm not hurt." It was a lie. It was a serious accident and I almost died. The doctors kept warning the others for days that they should be prepared for the worst-case scenario. I regained consciousness after ten days and began to recuperate at an astonishing rate.
        “You should've called us. What are we to you?" Hoseok sounded mad. “Hoseok, it's not that I…” I began to talk but couldn't finish the sentence. As soon as I came back to myself in the hospital, I thought of them. If I would've been able to think straight, I would've called them first. But my mind was blank, and I was in pain. The sedative they gave me was so strong that reality, dreams, memories, and illusions all seemed to be knotted up in my head and were impossible to disentangle.
        The unbearable pain finally subsided. But the strange images that flashed before my eyes while suffering from fever and insomnia kept coming back. I wasn't sure whether those scenes had actually happened or they were just twisted nightmares triggered by severe pain. I couldn't trust my memory. But I still couldn't contact them. I didn't know what to say or even how to start talking. I just smiled at them. Or I tried to smile at them. My face must've looked like it was all twisted up and I was about to cry.

Hoseok
13 June YEAR 22
        I walked out of the room because I felt tears welling up. Jungkook saying he was fine was heart-wrenching. I had just heard of Jungkook's accident that afternoon. The burger joint was packed with pedestrians taking shelter from the rain. Some of them were Jungkook's classmates. "How come Jungkook doesn't show up anymore?" I didn't ask this question for any particular reason. I'd lost contact with all the others after returning from the sea, including Jungkook. Then, an unexpected answer came my way. "Oh, he was in an accident, so he's been absent." "An accident? Is he hurt badly?" "We don't know. He hasn't been to school for what, twenty days?"
        I called him immediately, but Jungkook didn't answer. I was about to call again but decided to open our group chat instead. No new messages over the past twenty days. The last message was from when we were at the sea. Was it then? That night when we all parted and went back home. Was it that night?
        I left a message that Jungkook was badly hurt. And that, whatever everyone was up to, it was ridiculous not to know what had happened to him for over twenty days. The number next to my message didn't budge, meaning none of the others opened the chat to read my message. Did our days together mean nothing? Were "we" fair-weather friends? I got mad at myself. Mad for not contacting him earlier. Mad for letting him return home alone. Jungkook was not a child. But he was the youngest. He was still just a student.
        I strolled up and down the hallway a few times and stopped in front of his room. Through the cracked door, I recognized Jungkook's face. He clearly wasn't fine. He looked as pale as a sheet. Suddenly, the image of Jungkook coming through the door of our empty hideout came into my mind. He was just in his third year of high school. His naive face showed a sense of loss, as if he'd realized something had come to an end. Did our existence remind him of that sense of loss? Four of the others hadn't checked my message in the group chat yet. I posted another message. "This is disappointing."
        "You? Dancing?" When I stepped into the room, Jimin and Jungkook were talking about a dance crew. Jimin said it had only been about two weeks since he joined the crew and turned his head bashfully. "That's right. You were a good dancer. We should all go and see you dance."
        Taehyung's call came through at that moment. "What have you been doing? Why didn't you check my message earlier?” I tried to sound angrier than I actually was. Taehyung stuttered in a croaky voice as if he'd been crying.

        The lights grew brighter and more boisterous, and a busy street soon appeared in front of us. It was far into the night, but the brightly lit street was crowded with people and cars passing by. It was three-thirty in the morning. We sat at an outdoor table outside a convenience store.
        Jungkook said he was thirsty as we were about halfway through our instant cup noodles. I went into the store to buy drinks. When I came back, someone was standing in front of Jungkook. He had his back turned to me, so I couldn't tell who he was or what he was doing. Jungkook was looking up at him with an alarmed face. I ran to Jungkook's side and looked at the man.
        The man was wearing a dark khaki overcoat in the middle of summer. He had a dirty mop of bushy gray hair, and his scraggly beard was stained with ramen broth. He reeked of alcohol. He was greedily devouring my instant noodles. It'd be no use asking him who he was or why he was eating my noodles. I was surprised but not angry. Actually, I was scared.
        At that moment, someone from a group of troublemakers coming out of the convenience store shoved the man's shoulder, and another tripped him. The man in the overcoat lost his balance and pushed the table as he fell down. Jungkook's instant noodle cup toppled over, and the broth spilled all over his legs. Jungkook sprang to his feet and hastily shook it off his pants. He said he was OK and wasn't burned as the broth had cooled already.
        The group of troublemakers were walking away, snickering. The man in the dirty khaki overcoat was staring at the toppled cup. His fingers were on the table and covered with noodles. I couldn't bring myself to ask if he was OK. "Shouldn't you apologize? You just made this mess. screamed at the men. They looked back. "No, we didn't. He did. And no one told you to sit there. Little punks out at this hour." The men cursed inarticulately.
        The man in the dirty overcoat looked at me. Our eyes met in the air. He had yellowish eyes and a face covered with age spots. He reminded me of someone. Someone who was always on the drink, swinging at everything with his fists, and living like a dictator and a loser. What I expected to happen happened. I flung myself at the men, and two from the group threw punches at me. I dodged the first punch, but the second punch grazed my chin. Jungkook stepped in to stop me but got caught up in the fight as well. The plastic tables and chairs were turned over, and the "No Parking" sign got kicked down. The part-timer at the convenience store had already called the police, as if he were used to such rows. We could hear the siren a minute later. We all leapt to our feet and ran in opposite directions, shouting at each other that they were lucky to get away this time.
        I was particularly good at fleeing. I sometimes got caught on purpose, but now was not one of those times. I continued to lead the way, checking whether Jungkook was keeping up. A silvery car passed by us at full speed. Its side mirror brushed against Jungkook. Stunned, he sank down. He'd just been discharged from the hospital after two months because of a traffic accident. It was natural that he was stunned. The car came to a screeching stop, and one of the men who'd hit us earlier stuck his head out of the passenger seat window. "Watch it. We're letting you go just this once. There'll be no

mercy next time." And the car vanished with a roaring engine.
        Jungkook slowly picked himself up, holding onto my arm. He looked uncomfortable. He must have hurt his leg when he fell. The inside of my mouth throbbed. Blood smeared on the back of my hand when I wiped my mouth with it. "Where should we go?" JungKook asked. "With this leg? We're going back.” Jungkook began to walk, saying that he was OK. "Look! I'm fine." I stood there and watched Jungkook drag one leg from behind. "Let's go back!" I shouted at Jungkook. I checked my phone. It was four-fifty in the morning. We still had some time to kill until the first bus came. I looked around and found a low hill behind the entertainment district. "Have you seen the sunrise?"
        I propped up Jungkook as we walked up the hill. I sank down on the stairs at the end of the gentle slope. They say the sky is at its darkest right before the sunrise, and it was true. No stars were visible in the pitch-dark sky. But neon signs of different shapes and colors were radiating bright lights in the city down below. I turned my eyes northward. I roughly guessed the neighborhood that Mom must be living In. There, that must be it. She must be eating, sleeping, and cleaning in that apartment.
        "Jungkook, I followed Mom then." Jungkook stared at me. I fixed my eyes on the lights streaming out of the windows of the apartment complex. Then. That night. That night ten years ago when Mom left home. That night when Mom, my sister, and I were beaten to a pulp by Dad and we cried ourselves to sleep. [NOTE: this is shown in 'STIGMA - Short Film'.] I couldn’t recall why he beat us so hard. But I distinctly remember thinking, I’m supposed to go swimming with my friends tomorrow, and I guess Mom won’t be able to pack a lunch for me. Will my busted lip heal by tomorrow? If not, they’ll make fun of me. My shoulders hurt. I shouldn’t have tried to avoid his punches. My sister is weeping quietly. It was even more distressing to hear it today.
        Half asleep, I caught a glimpse of Mom standing at our feet and looking down at us. She was leaving. She was deserting us. I knew it instantly. I pretended to be asleep, got up, and followed her. I didn’t have any plans. I wasn’t thinking of living with her. I didn’t feel bitter or scared. What it’d be like to have no mother, what it’d be like to live without one - it wasn’t something you could just understand.
        I followed her for quite some time. In my memory, I walked all night. But my memory must be exaggerated as I was a little child back then. Was she really unaware of me following her? Maybe she was struggling to look forward for fear of having to take me with her if she looked back. “Of course, that thought came to me afterwards. When I struggled to grasp an understanding of her. Now? I don’t know why I came this far.”
        “Hey.” I looked up at Jungkook’s voice. “I’m sorry.” I gazed at him. “What are you sorry for? Why are you sorry?” “You couldn’t go see your mom because of me.” Jungkook answered. “Are you an idiot?” I flared. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. But my voice got louder on its own. My tongue continued to trip as I wasn’t good at speaking and didn’t know how to express my feelings. “Why do you feel sorry? People should be sorry for you. What did you do wrong? I should be sorry for bringing you here. My parents, who made me bring you here, should be sorry. Those guys who picked the fight in the first place should be sorry.” I continued to raise my voice. “You are a good person. You are as good as you can be. It’s not your fault. It’s not YOUR fault!”
        The sky, which seemed to remain pitch dark forever, began to turn bluish in a flash. The light that permeated the sky from the furthest end sucked in the glimmer of the neon signs. We watched in surprise without a word. The huge red-hot sun surged up over the apartment complex. Is Mom watching the sunrise too?
        The two of us sat in the back of the bus next to each other on our way home. It was before dawn broke over us. The road was empty, and the bus continued to race along. I turned my head and looked towards the north once again. That night, Mom had stopped walking. She stood there motionless for some time. She didn’t look back, either. If I had continued forward at that point, I would’ve reached her. I could’ve held onto her hand and asked her where she was going, where she was headed while leaving us behind, and when she was coming back. I could’ve cried, thrown a tantrum and maybe pulled her back home. But I just turned around and returned home alone. My entire body ached and I couldn’t go swimming with the others. I lay on the floor, sweating and trying to sleep. I didn’t know why.
        “It’s that man again.” Hearing Jungkook’s voice, I looked out the window. A stooped-over man in a khaki overcoat was walking alone.

The scenes in the photos lying on the floor suddenly seemed to be moving. I thought I heard Hoseok and Jimin's laughter, and then Jungkook turned around to look at me. The next moment, the sound of Yoongi's piano started flowing out. Namjoon and Taehyung were smiling and running across the beach. All these moments shot up out of the photos and into the air like a video. Music was flowing and laughter was bursting and sunshine poured out.

Moments overlapped with moments, videos compiled with videos, and something indecipherable was freed from inside me. It spread everywhere in my body through my veins. Something that had been blocking my mind crumbled away and memories burst out like exploding fireworks. Once these memories were freed, they whirled around uncontrollably. The room itself was lit up with memories. Sad, lonely, painful, and joyful memories all swirled around.

I felt like I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could I have forgotten all of these moments? Then I realized. Light was flooding out from something inside my fist.

Namjoon
7 August YEAR 22
        I switched on the light and looked at the flier that was attached to the door of my container. It read "redevelopment" and "demolition." People must be talking about the redevelopment of this area again. There was always chatter about tearing down the containers lining the railroad and the squatters buildings across the railroad. I crumpled up the flier and threw it into the trash can. The talk of the redevelopment didn't begin yesterday. But it always boiled up as if the demolition would take place the next day and then subsided after a short while.
        I put down my bag and lay on the floor. It'd been a while since the sun set, but the inside of the container was still hot. I spent every night here after I visited Jungkook. It felt exhausting. My nose bled from time to time when I was washing my face. But I always came here instead of the tiny back room of the gas station.
        No one else had opened that door and stepped in here. Maybe no one ever would. All those who meet must part, without exception. It could've been our turn. But, if someone still felt the need for "us" to be together, I wanted to send him a signal that I was here. I wanted to show him that "our” hideout was still here and still lit.

Hoseok
13 August YEAR 22
        I dropped by the ‘Just Dance’ practice room for the first time in a while. I was met with the pounding sound of music, the air filled with the smell of sweat, and the room full of adrenaline. My heart fluttered every time I came here. After a round of loud, noisy greetings from the members, I sat against the wall and watched them practice. When would I be able to dance again? I was both impatient and thrilled. I thought of the man's dance. Would I be able to dance like him someday? At that moment, someone came close and sat down next to me.
        It was the girl. She tapped me on my shoulder, smiling, and said, "Where have you been? Were you having fun all by yourself?" The two of us in the mirror were sitting side by side leaning against the wall. "How've you been?" She made an expression that seemed to reproach me for such a rhetorical question. I continued, gazing at myself in the mirror. "Have I told you about my mom?" I must've repeated it a hundred times. But she always listened to my story enthusiastically. "She must be living happily somewhere, right? Then I'm OK. Even if we never meet again, it'd be OK if we're both happy."
        She stared at me. "And I thought you looked like my mom. But you didn't. I've been busy finding this out." She looked confused. I chuckled and continued to speak.
        “So, when do you depart? No, that's not what I was going to say. Congratulations. It was your dream." She bowed her head and raised it again. "Sorry. I should've told you first." "If you're sorry, buy me a meal. I'll throw you a really nice farewell party later."
        I deliberately smiled a big smile and made a fuss. "Let's meet again someday as famous dancers. Work hard. Because I'm not gonna let you outdo me." She nodded. The two of us in the mirror sat next to each other leaning against the wall.

The fireworks are tomorrow. I'll be able to make it on time if I leave as soon as I finish my shift.

If only, huh.

Namjoon
11 April YEAR 22
        I was groping around some T-shirts when Taehyung reached out from behind and grabbed one. It was a t-shirt with the same printed quote as the one I was wearing. Taehyung laughed sheepishly, taking off his torn shirt. Under the dim light hanging on the trailer box, for a second, I saw his bruised back. Hoseok looked at me in shock. Taehyung looked at himself in the mirror wearing my t-shirt. And he laughed.
        “Dude’s doing some graffiti or something, got caught by the cops while running around. Had to get him out so I was late.” I pretended to smack Taehyung and Taehyung in turn made an exaggerated expression of fake apology. Yoongi-hyung, who was sitting at the corner of the trailer, slowly approached and tapped Taehyung’s shoulder.

Seokjin

4 June YEAR 22

If you enter my father's study, There's an interesting painting. A precarious wooden raft atop the surging waves of the open sea. People abandoned it. With neither food nor drink. Neither compass nor hope. People who, out of thirst and hunger - fear and loathing, horror and greed - suck each other's blood and kill each other and in the process, kill themselves too.

When I was young, I was so afraid of this painting that I didn't go into the study. I even wondered why my father would have hung such an awful painting on the wall. But as time passed, the painting gradually became just a part of the study, not the subject of fear or concern.

Instead, I developed a different fear. That was the fear of the room on the other side of the door inside the study. Neither the door nor room was anything special. It wasn't locked with a padlock or code, and what lay behind was only an extension of the study. If there were anything special about it, it was only that it had a lot of books - the bookshelves were packed with papers and books from my father's high school days and onward. I called that room the 'interior room.'

The interior room was a place where my father could go alone to gather his thoughts or come up with new ideas, and other than him, nobody else went inside. I had gone inside the room only once. And even though I was young, I had known. That it  wasn't simply a study full of books. At a glance, the books placed in no particular order and the carelessly stacked boxes and documents only seemed to be human. I felt no warmth from the paper, and there was no emotion even in the paintings or photographs. Even just standing in the center of the room and looking up at the bookshelves, I felt a sense of intimidation that made my whole body feel as if it were crumbling.

I don't remember there being any commotion over me having entered (although there may have been one) but from some point onward I stopped going into the room. Once or twice, I went as far as to stand in front of the door. But I only looked up at it for a second, and didn't even think of turning the knob.

On the way here, on the bus, I told Taehyung about an incident that happened a few years ago during winter. The competition in the riverside restaurant, the snowflakes falling down from the frowning sky, Taehyung's face that had injuries, the feeling of all the hair in the body stood up as the scooter slipped. The accident and the death of Taehyung. How easily the incident wrapped up so easily and got forgotten. But there were some parts I couldn't say. The expression Taehyung had when he said he has a favor to ask and every moment I lived in this countryside town, and the fact that I thought about the friend with the name of Taehyung.

"Hyung. Let's not die" As I looked back I saw Taehyung who was looking up at me while putting his palm on the asphalt. I was trying to find a word to reply but nothing came to my head. Under Taehyung's palm, the white lane where Taehyung laid, not the friend from the countryside town, I felt as if I was looking at him. There is no one in the world who is ok to die like that. A person died and no one took responsibility nor sincerely mourned. I was also the same. "Let's go down" Taehyung stood up as I said that. "Where are we going now?" Instead of replying to Taehyung's question I replied "You said you had a favor to ask me back when we went to the sea? Tell me about it. Whatever that is, let's try to solve it together."

Surprisingly the person who created the group chat was Jimin and it seemed like the topic was already discussed, the conversation started from the middle abruptly. Taehyung asked everyone. "Do you know what 'Map of the Soul' is?" It was quite after when Hoseok replied "What is that"

Taehyung replied, "Hyung, if I knew, would I ask?"

"Ah right. But why?" After those conversations went back and forth, Jimin explained the situation. He went to the hospital and saw Seokjin by chance and saw how he was searching for something called 'Map of the Soul'. It was way after Namjoon appeared in the group chat. "Before Seokjin hyung also asked me what 'Map of the Soul' was, back then Hyung told me how this 'Map of the Soul' will be the method to end all this." Then the conversation didn't continue for a while. Everyone was probably lost in their thoughts. What was "the thing" Seokjin had to end? Everyone already noticed hyung was acting weird.

Then if the 'map of the soul' was found would hyung be better. What was that and where can we find it? The conversation that started after longtime was this. "Did you not invite Jungkook into this group chat?"

Jimin replied, "I thought about it, but Jungkook is still sick..." Jimin slurred his words as if he wasn't confident.

The promised time passed. I turned around and deeply breathed in. There was no one in the container box. Only the hot air that was heated up from summer sunlight poured out as if it was waiting for me. Even though I was 10 minutes late, I was the first one to arrive. What happened to others? Did something come up for them? Are they even coming? As I turned on the fan, I looked around the container. Namjoon's container box, that I returned to after a long time, was too dead silent for it to be a party. I found a few papers from the table drawers and wrote with a ball per written letter by letter "Jungkook-ah Congratulations on discharging" and put it up on the walls of the container. It didn't remove the shabby feeling but it was better than not doing anything.

About another 10 minutes passed while checking that everyone was on their way through group chat. When a train passed by the open doors, the container vibrated. Looking at the rumbling and shaking world I thought about the day I opened the hospital door and ran out. If it wasn't for hyung, Taehyung, and Jungkook would I have been able to open the door and walk out? Just because there is a door there, just because the door is open, that doesn't mean everyone would walk out. Perhaps Seokjin is locked in some place like that? Perhaps he is waiting for someone to knock on the door? There was nothing certain for sure. It was certain that it would really help. But if the small pieces we found could be a small clue.

When my thoughts reached till there the door opened and Yoongi entered.

In the quick second that Seokjin went out, Taehyung quickly followed and the others looked at each other and followed. Taehyung said something but it didn't look like Seokjin was listening. I saw Seokjin get in his car behind the other hyung. The car lightly backed out and turned the direction to the side. The light coming out from the container scanned the car. For a second there was a trace of accident on the bumper of the car and got swallowed by the darkness.

The strange thing was that I didn't feel anything looking at that. Even if it was just confirming something I already knew, when you stand in front of the solid truth, it wouldn't be strange to feel complicated or get shocked but reality was not like that. On top of Seokjin's car that was disappearing into the darkness, the headlight that came towards me that night overlapped. The feeling of my body getting lifted, the moment I couldn't swallow saliva nor could I breath, the fear that shook my body like a seizure. The unbearable chills that I felt while my consciousness was fading. The shadow of death. The trace of the accident that I saw on the bumper.

I went inside the container. I sat while looking at Jimin's message "Jungkook congratulations on getting discharged". The leg I injured from the accident ached. Hyung didn't seem to come back in. They were talking about something I didn't know.

Can I trust my hyungs? The bus took off right after I got off. Dust rose up. I slowly walked to the place where the accident took place. The night came to mind. A big moon rose in the night sky, the world that was flipped upside down, the light of the headlight that came into my flipped vision, the silhouette of the car that went past me, the red light from the tail lamp, and the sound of the engine that was somehow familiar. I laid on the asphalt road like that day. Tilted my head and looked up at the sky. The day was getting darker but the moon was not visible. It was a pretty empty road but if the car was coming and couldn't see me there could be another accident. While thinking I asked myself again.

If I couldn't trust the hyungs, who do I trust?

Seokjin
11 April YEAR 22

Again, I opened my eyes in the pouring sunshine. On the inside of my eyelids, there were still images of flames enveloping the container and Namjoon dying. This time was a failure too. I lifted my arm to cover my eyes and thought. What ways are left to save Namjoon? I thought slowly back over what happened on September 30th. No new or sudden feelings struck me. I wasn't in a hurry or scared. After the first accident at the container village, I was in a loop countless times. But I still don't know why the loops continue or how to break out of them.

No, before that, I haven't found what the key to ending all of this is, the "Map of the Soul". The map of the soul. The first time I heard those words were after I had a series of failures. "Find the map of the soul. You will be able to end all of this."

The map of the soul? What could that be? I pressed for an answer but got nothing. Instead, these words were left to me: "This hint will come with a price." Namjoon's gas station came into view a little distance away. I slowly turned on my blinker and changed lanes. I only thought of one thing. I need to stop the accident that happens on September 30th to end the loop. I'm going to go forward with only that one goal in mind.

It can't be helped— even if it causes problems, even if someone gets hurt or excluded during the process. I can't lose my goal of attachment or frustration. Saving at least myself and escaping is more important than saving everyone. That was the lesson that these repeating loops gave me.

13 June YEAR 22

I had a dream. I was looking down on the hospital room like I was floating in the air, and lying in the hospital bed was another me. The ‘me’ that was in bed looked to be asleep. Whatever he was dreaming about, the pupils inside his black eyes twitched, and without any warning he opened his eyes.

The next moment, I was lying in bed. I had dreamt of the night of the accident. The headlights turned into moons, and suddenly turned into green and blue marbled lights. Then when I opened my eyes, floating in the air was another me. The version of myself in the air and I met eyes. Our two sights crossed over and our two consciousnesses reversed. I became the one in the air and the one in the bed over and over. The pace of my sight and consciousness changing got faster and faster. I felt dizzy and nauseous.

Then I woke up with a cry. The sheets were soaked with sweat. My breath was short and I felt like throwing up. I suddenly recalled everything that had happened until then. Someone's voice. Living seems to be more painful than dying.

"Are you okay?" My mom called the doctor and checked over me. The doctor said I was recovering quickly and that she doesn't need to worry. I had bruises and a fracture, but almost no bleeding. He said I was lucky despite the car accident. I looked to the doctor and asked him. "But who was the person who hit me?"

Yoongi
13 June YEAR 22

I thought of Jungkook's words.

"It's because I like hyung's music. It's because when I hear hyung's piano, I tear up. I... wanted to die, I thought about it multiple times in a day. But when I hear hyung's piano, I want to live. That's why. I'm saying that's why. I'm saying hyung's music is really like my feelings."

I kept thinking of those things Jungkook would say to me repeatedly every time I would get drunk on alcohol and fall onto the floor.

Jimin

18 July YEAR 22

I wandered around the convenience store to pass the time. The back side of Songju Jaeil Middle School. I used to climb over this side of the wall to escape from school, or wait for the hyungs at the small park across the street from the convenience store.

I looked around. Not much had changed in this neighborhood after a long time. I even remembered that Yoongi and Jungkook's houses were near here. I walked while looking around the area, and saw something like graffiti inside an alley on the right. It looked like Taehyung had drawn it. I shifted to walk toward it. Involuntary, I came to a stop in front of the drawing. Scrawled roughly in black lines was someone's warmth-less face.

I say "someone", but I knew. The owner of that face. It was Seokjin. The second I thought of hyung, it overlapped with yet another face. Looking closely, it was a face that was nothing like his. But those faces looked the same. Those two people have the same eyes. Eyes without spirit. At last, I think I know.... who I must go and find.

Namjoon
18 July YEAR 22

I looked up at the building. Lights were turned on here and there. Maybe it was because we were close to the city hall, but there were lots of accounting and legal office signs. And on the uppermost fifth floor, every light was turned on.

During these past few weeks, Taehyung and I had gone around to see the top of every tall building in Songju. We didn't know what we were looking for either. Our only clue was Taehyung's dream. The canned coffee and four leafed clover from the dream. With just those two clues we've gone up and down buildings through the nights. Some days it even rained. In the beginning, we would use umbrellas while searching, but by now we just let the rain hit us.

Now that I think about it, we even got mixed up in some fights. There was a time when we walked up the building steps soaking wet and got mistakenly kicked out by young delinquents. The doors to the rooftops were usually locked, and we wouldn't be able to check anything through the window of the landing. I looked up at the building again. I wondered if in the end, this is what we were supposed to find. There was a familiar name written on the window. Office of Kim Changjun, member of the National Assembly.

"Who is that?" Taehyung asked.

"You don't know?" I looked back at him. He looked at me with meek, naive eyes like he didn't know anything. Kim Taehyung sometimes made me at a loss for words. There were a lot of things that made me wonder, How does he not know this? Kim Taehyung would look into things that I'm scared to look into. When nobody offers a hand, Kim Taehyung will firmly grab your hand and not let go.

I answered. "It's Seokjin-hyung's father."

Taehyung

23 July YEAR 22

We walked up and stood in the middle of the classroom. Old desks and chairs, as well as rolled up placards appeared under our phone flashlights. The classroom that no one came into anymore was much more worn down. I looked around. What happened here?

Jimin was squatting down in front of the wall in the distance, and Yoongi was sitting straddled on the piano chair. Namjoon wrote something on the window with his finger. Namjoon spoke after a while, "It feels like when we were in high school. Doing this at school in the middle of the night."

Snickering, Yoongi said, "High school? I refuse."

"Why is the world shaped this way? This world, it's not even something we created. By the time we were born, it was already shaped like this. But why do we have to be thrown without any means into a world like this and live?" Namjoon said.

"Oh. Look at this," At that moment, Jimin spoke while sitting up. "This has Seokjin's father's name on it."

I went toward where Jimin gestured. There were a few people's names amongst the dense scribbles on the wall. All of our phone flashlights skimmed through the names. Jimin gestured at another name, "It's the man from the mental hospital. I don't know the other names.”

Yoongi pointed out a different name. "Choi Gyuho. That's the person who went missing, right?" Namjoon read out the sentence written under those names.

"This is where everything began."

Hoseok

24 July YEAR 22

"Seokjinnie hyung, could you say just one thing to your father? Hyung, you know. How much that place means to me. The orphanage is home to me. And the kids that live there are going to be scattered if the orphanage is gone. The redevelopment can be done without including the orphanage." I walked into the container while ranting without any context.

Everyone looked at me with surprised eyes. Seokjin alone showed no change in expression. Even though I was close to tears, hyung looked at me indifferently.

"It's something that's already been decided. There's nothing I can do for you."

Hyung's every word came to me slowly. I could see how each and every single of those words drew a firm line between us. Hyung belonged to the world of that decision, and I belonged to the world where I couldn't protest. I had thought Seokjin was my friend, but I wondered if maybe in the real world our friendship was something that wasn't established.

I became a little angier with him. I screamed at him, asking how he could do this to me, and even begged for him to help me. But even then, I knew. They were just empty words. There was nothing I could do. The words I said and the anger I had weren't toward him— they were toward myself. Me, who can't do anything, and who is nothing.

Taehyung

24 July YEAR 22

How long had I been sitting there like that? I saw someone walking out into the third story hallway. I couldn't see their face because they were so far away, but it seemed to be a skinny, middle-aged woman. The woman put her two arms on the hallway railings and looked down toward the playground. Then she lit her cigarette. The flame of the lighter flickered and disappeared. The cigarette smoke spread into the blue, early morning air. I didn't make even a slight movement, and only looked up at her form. The place started lighting up, perhaps because the sun was rising. The woman still had her arms on the railing in the same position as before, and after finishing one cigarette she pulled out another one to smoke.

I wondered if that person saw me too. Even though she wouldn't see my face from that distance, what would she think of seeing someone sitting on the playground swings at dawn? I put strength in my hands and legs to support the swings and keep it from creaking. The cigarette flame repeatedly switched between withering down and getting bigger. The sun was coming up. The woman smoked a last cigarette while under the sunlight that was brightly streaming down. Then she turned and disappeared inside. I counted the doors from the left corridor one by one. 304, 305, 306. In other words, that door was my mom's house.

Hoseok

31 July YEAR 22

My first impression of Hagok was that it was similar to Songju, except a little livelier. I lagged slowly behind the people exiting quickly off the platform. It wasn't like me to move slowly. But I moved so slowly to the point of obstructing the flow of people.

I acted as if I was someone who had pledged not to do anything Jung Hoseok would do. I moved however I wanted without considering the people around me. I ate spicy food that I normally don't eat, and didn't greet the owner saying I enjoyed the food while paying for it. When there was no one around, I even tried spitting onto the street.

While looking at the online map, I arrived at my destination as planned. It was on the first floor of the shopping mall near the high school. In front, there was a stationary store and even a 24-hour kimbap store. It was remarkably similar to the two-star burgers in Songju. While looking around and wondering where I would buy a house if I were to move to this place, I bumped into somebody who was passing by.

"I'm sorr—" I started to say, and stopped. Pointlessly, I hardened my eyes and glanced up at the person out of the corner of my eye. "Watch where you're going."

The Jung Hoseok in Hagok for 24-hours was a rude man, a bastard, an asshole, a jerk. I kept up the delusion for about five seconds.

"Hoseokie hyung. It's you, right?" It was a face I knew.

Yoongi
2 August YEAR 22

I sent the music file to Seokjin and laid down. While turning over the sheet music I took from the storage classroom, I saw the notes written in the margin. "If we're together, we can smile." It wasn't my handwriting.

A day came to mind. It was a day full of fog. Somehow, Seokjin and I ended up going to the sports field together. We were both awkward. I shoved my fists in my pockets and walked slowly on purpose. I wanted him to go ahead of me but he didn't. Instead, he would keep trying to clumsily start a conversation and every time it would get awkward for a while. I don't know why but I asked, "When was the last time you genuinely smiled, hyung?" He didn't answer. I didn't ask anymore either.

If we're together, we can smile. In a way, this saying seemed like it might have been the answer to my question. I wasn't confident that it was hyung who wrote it. I didn't need anything like that. The melody written on the sheet was childish. Even though it was only two years ago, my music back then was incomplete and wild. It didn't come together smoothly nor was it beautiful. Looking back at when I was in high school I could only think of staggering around while drunk, but it wasn't like that every single day. I started going over and fixing my music from back then all through the night. I gave it this name. If we're together we can laugh.
[NOTE: the line “If you and I are together we can smile” is also from Yoongi’s verse in the song ‘A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone”

Seokjin
3 August YEAR 22

The scenes in the photos lying on the floor suddenly seemed to be moving. I thought I heard Hoseok and Jimin's laughter, and then Jungkook turned around to look at me. The next moment, the sound of Yoongi's piano started flowing out. Namjoon and Taehyung were smiling and running across the beach. All these moments shot up out of the photos and into the air like a video. Music was flowing and laughter was bursting and sunshine poured out.

Moments overlapped with moments, videos compiled with videos, and something indecipherable was freed from inside me. It spread everywhere in my body through my veins. Something that had been blocking my mind crumbled away and memories burst out like exploding fireworks. Once these memories were freed, they whirled around uncontrollably. The room itself was lit up with memories. Sad, lonely, painful, and joyful memories all swirled around.

I felt like I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could I have forgotten all of these moments? Then I realized. Light was flooding out from something inside my fist.

Jungkook

3 August YEAR 22

"Why aren't you killing them?" I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of someone urgently shouting.

Laid out on the screen was a shooting game. A team member was yelling through my headphones that the enemies were coming from over there. I shot at them like I was crazy. Once shot, the opponents fell over one after another like deflated dolls. I moved the mouse and looked over the map. The railroad went across the middle of the map. Huge containers were scattered in front of the railroad. It was as if I was looking at Songju station and the container village.

I switched weapons. It was a machine gun that I could fire rapidly. An enemy wearing a black bandana appeared in the distance. I aimed my gun, but for a moment I thought that it was someone I knew. The enemy went down in one shot. Continuously, I shot my gun at the enemies without a second thought. Not knowing why myself, I thought of the hyungs. I chuckled. Now that I think about it, they resembled the hyungs.

I moved forward, beating all of them. I ended up shooting an opponent that came out of the container as soon as I saw him. For a moment I looked down at the enemy that fell to the floor. While I was wondering if it was Namjoon, I was shot in the shoulder by someone's gun. I moved my gaze with the mouse and saw the enemy holding a gun.

It was Seokjin. Instantly, I boiled over with hostility.

Jimin

12 August YEAR 22

I hugged the young me who was shaking. I felt his damp body and his fast-beating heart. I said while stuttering, "Just wait a little longer. When you grow up, you'll meet really great friends. Being together with your friends, you're going to become a better person. Around then, things might even get better. So just a little longer, be strong for just a little longer."

I held myself tighter while speaking. Tears were flowing. Unable to hold back, I cried like that. How much time had passed? When I opened my eyes, the young me had disappeared and gone away. I got up where I was and looked up at the sky while wiping my eyes. In the broad daylight, the sky was sunny without a single cloud and the place was quiet. In the distance, I could see the exit of the Grassflower Arboretum. There were no traces of rain.

Namjoon

25 August YEAR 22

I tumbled to the floor of the container. The iron structured container was so full of heat that I couldn't open my eyes. Frowning, I looked around the place. It was ten minutes ago that I had said to wait while I left to go buy some ramen. I heard a cough and turned to see Woochang hunched over inside. I wetted a blanket with water and covered him up.

I pointed at the door and told him, "You need to run toward there, Woochang-ah. You can do it, right?" There were red-hot flames flaring up outside the door. I held Woochang's hand tightly. "When I count to three, you're gonna run. One, two..."

At that moment something collapsed in front of the door. It seemed like the pile of material that had been in front of the door had burned down and fallen over. The flames roared up in the dust. Woochang and I stepped back, surprised. Just like that, our way out was blocked.

Seokjin

30 September YEAR 22

        The container was ablaze. I covered my mouth and nose with my sleeve and looked around. I had to find Namjoon, but with the smoke rising in front of me, I couldn’t see a thing. People with black masks and hats suddenly appeared in the smoke. Their metal pipes rent the smoky air. Someone collapsed grabbing his bleeding head. Drum cans on fire rolled between those people. The place seemed like hell on earth.