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I should probably go ahead and munch some healing items, first, actually.

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This is a bad sign. After all, as we all know, evil is purple.

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Given the rating of this game, I’m not surprised the art team wants us to take the writing team’s word for it.

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The game lets you spin the wheel, because… because.

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That does bring up a good question. Who built this? Was it built for the knights? Did they often need such a room? I mean, I guess this is a less enlightened era, so maybe so.

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I have a harder time understanding why they’d need this, though. I mean, yeah, it’s intimidating, but otherwise kinda pointless. And if anyone is sleeping in that room for whatever reason, their groggy trip for a glass of water could end up very tragic, indeed. And anyone who’s thinking of trying to escape such a room, if that’s its purpose, will likely not be deterred by these oversized, easily-avoided spikes. In short…

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Well said.

Er, wait, “hide”? Is that the reason? Huh. I admit, that’s kinda clever. But shouldn’t they also have put in a genuine Iron Maiden, for when they, y’know, actually need an Iron Maiden? And why the spikes? If the door is closed, the spikes are not visible. If the door is open, it’s rather clear that it’s a door.

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Looking it up, it means wrist bones.

There is only a single, intact, skeleton in the room.

This joke has failed.

For that matter, how is that skeleton so neatly intact, with nothing left to keep the bones together? I mean, if it were animated, we could just say “a wizard did it” and call it a day, but in this case…

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It’s easy! I’ve been doing it this whole time!

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That is unlikely to work any better here than it did in third grade.

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Is that all he has, in terms of comebacks?

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He’s gonna give you a noogie!

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Ah, I see. So, he stopped the insults so he could be the one who ultimately gave the last insult. Clever.

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Quite the haul!

Nothing else here. However, after some more searching…

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Woo!

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I call foul! This room is clearly green! The doorway was false advertising!

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Not a chance! You haven’t even the decency to provide crumpets along with it! The nerve!

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Given how much it stinks, I think he may be the one who ate my homework.

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Actually, it looks like you’re wearing an ugly green swimsuit.

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Alien invasion!

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One too many days in customer support, I imagine.

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He’s our new pet!

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And then Garland will knock you down!

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For all you know, he’s going to smack you around with his blood.

His blood’s gonna punch you in the FACE!

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One of his attacks (I missed the name, because combat goes too fast) made Stinger glow white, which is a sign of… the Glow-In-The-Dark status effect? I dunno.

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Nor did it matter. Grimsmeer went down like a pansy.

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All three? Wouldn’t Harv-5 give your cartoonishly-bloated-by-that-point stomach splinters if you tried that?

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She barely did anything. Heck, I forgot to have her cast any spells during that fight. I just had her fire an arrow. One arrow was all she could get in before the fight was over.

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So, gloating to a corpse, who can no longer hear anything. Okay, then.

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Poof!

That smoke effect looks rather horrid, really.

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That bodes ill. Windleaf may have to fire two arrows, during the rematch.

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True. Militia isn’t very useful in this sort of situation. By which I mean the over-the-course-of-a-JRPG situation.

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I’m pretty sure most lawyers would sooner retire than get within the same hemisphere as that thing and his ugly swimsuit.

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Does that mean we don’t get to leap out of the windows dramatically?

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Until next time, readers!