THE LAST BANANA - INFOMERCIAL

By

Chad Carpenter


SUBURBAN KITCHEN

A man greets his wife as she enters the kitchen with a bag of groceries. As the voiceover starts, he helpfully removes a bunch of bananas from the grocery bag and sets it in the fruit bowl, on top of some oranges.

VOICEOVER

Do you hang your bananas? Of course! No one wants their bananas mixing with other fruit.

The woman realizes, in horror, what her husband has done. She screams at him and slaps him hard. The man holds his cheek, looking hurt and confused, as his wife grabs the bananas and dumps the whole bunch in the trash.

VOICEOVER

Everyone knows that hanging bananas keeps them from ripening too fast, avoids bruising, and keeps them away from the riffraff.

Calm once more, the woman removes a second bunch of bananas from the grocery bag and gently hangs them from the fruit tree. The man nods knowingly and sheepishly shrugs to admit his fault.

CLOSE-UP OF FRUIT TREE - BLACK & WHITE

A bunch of bananas hangs peacefully from the fruit tree while a number of oranges await menacingly below.

VOICEOVER

Fruit trees are great for hanging bunches of bananas, but what happens when you only have one left?

A quick-cut montage shows the bunch losing one banana at a time, each having been taken away for delightful ingestion by their humans. The bunch is down to two when a man reaches in and separates the last two bananas.

VOICEOVER

Utter chaos and despair is what. Whoever invented the fruit tree must have been a sadistic prick. That, or he always ate his bananas two at a time.

The man peels one banana all the way to the base. He simultaneously attempts to take a bite and hang the remaining banana on the fruit tree. The unpeeled banana falls into the oranges, and the man panics, realizing he's messed up once more. He scrambles to rescue the banana from the pit of oranges, but in the process his naked banana falls from his hand.

Not realizing he's lost his delicious treat, the man awkwardly attempts to hang the last banana back up. He bends the stem over the hook, but to no avail. He wedges the banana into the hook sideways, but it falls out. All attempts fail, and as he gets more and more frustrated with the task, the banana takes a beating. In his fury, the man also drops the empty banana peel. Finally, the man violently impales the last banana onto the hook and turns to leave.

Unfortunately, he steps directly onto the discarded peel and loses all control of his body. He is clumsily flung into the air and then crashes violently to the floor. Turning his head in pain, he sees the banana peel and knows it is laughing at him.

VOICEOVER

There's got to be a better way!

Still on the floor, the man nods to the camera in painful agreement.

VOICEOVER

Well, now there is.

KITCHEN - WIDE SHOT

The husband from earlier has just taken the second-to-last banana and clearly does not know what to do with the remaining one. He hesitantly goes to set it on the counter, but his wife steps in to save the day.

VOICEOVER

Introducing The Last Banana, a revolutionary banana adapter for your existing fruit tree.

The wife holds up the product for her husband to see. We get a close-up shot of an oddly shaped item in her hand. Then we see that the husband is as confused as we are about what she's holding. The wife moves to the fruit tree and attaches the item onto the hook of the tree.

VOICEOVER

With 44 patents and 3 infringement cases pending, The Last Banana will forever change the way you hang your fruit.

Simply snap The Last Banana onto any standard fruit tree...

ON-SCREEN TEXT - SMALL FONT AT BOTTOM

*The Last Banana does not fit the following fruit tree models: Hung Low Fruit Stand, Yellow Dangler Fruit Hanger, Hang 'Em High Fruit Solution, Sharper Image Sky Hook, The Fruit Savior, The Banana Hammock, Apple iBanana, Rachael Ray's Banana Stay, or Captain Banana Hook.

VOICEOVER

…and your single-banana problems are solved.

The woman takes the last banana from her husband and gently hangs it from the newly installed attachment. The banana floats majestically above the glaring oranges, and husband and wife grin, fist bump, and make it explode. Oh yeah.

PRODUCT CLOSE-UP

We are treated to a hypnotic, spinning, beauty shot of the product as it catches light in its voluptuous curves and reflects it back to an entranced audience.

VOICEOVER

The Last Banana is the result of decades of research into the field of fruit hanging. Don't be fooled by impostors - only The Last Banana offers the precision angles and high-quality steel required to hold a single banana.

If you're tired of bruised bananas, bananas hanging out with other fruit, or always eating two bananas at a time…

We are faced with unsettling scenes depicting each of the stated horrors. Mercifully, they are tempered in black and white, and they have large X's over them which indicate these are hardships we no longer have to endure.

VOICEOVER

…then don't wait, call now to order The Last Banana for only $15.

If you call within the next second, we'll add in 5 free banana adapters - that's one for each room of the house. But that's not all - we'll also throw in a lifetime supply of bananas, delivered up front with your order, as well as a concierge installation service to make sure your banana adapters are set up correctly.

 Only a monkey's uncle would pass on this deal!

SALES SCREEN

VOICEOVER

Call the number on the screen now to order The Last Banana banana adapter. Remember, $15 gets you 6 banana adaptors, a lifetime supply of bananas, free concierge installation, and assorted other broken promises. Call now!