BEHOLD THE BYLAWS

  1. BEHOLD these, the sanctified and holy bylaws of the great and wonderful [INSERT PARTY NAME HERE] (“the Party”), adopted in convention by ruling of CHAIR, the great and terrible, acting in that capacity by virtue of representing the initial certifying party of the Party under 15 Del. C. § 3302(a) and in that capacity and in accordance with historical practices.
  2. CHAIR, the great and terrible, is the highest executive officer of the Party, as defined in 15 Del. C. § 101(30).  BEHOLD THE POWER!
  1. No provision of these bylaws referring to CHAIR, the great and terrible, by any particular pronouns shall not be read as exclusive of any other pronouns which may be appropriate at the designation of CHAIR, the great and terrible, whose pronouns may not be assumed.
  2. No provision of these bylaws may compel CHAIR, the great and terrible, to maintain any particular party affiliation according to Department of Elections voter records.  The divine authority rises above such petty concerns to manifest the mighty will of the Party in all of We’s partisan forms.  This paragraph shall be void only to the extent required by [citation needed].
  3. CHAIR, the great and terrible, shall be vested with all powers and authorities known to Gods and men to execute the duties of protecting and defending the Party as well as the weak and the innocent, the deaf and the lame, the evil and the good, in perpetuity and forever or until the death of King Charles III last living descendant.
  1. COMMITTEE OF POWER shall be the regularly organized and constituted governing authority of the Party as its State Committee in accordance with 15 Del. C. § 101(31).  Its power shall not be questioned.  None may challenge it except as provided herein or as compelled by the two-party infested Babylon State of Delaware and its Pharisees of Electoral Discrimination at the Department of Elections.  It shall be comprised entirely and exclusively of:
  1. CHAIR, the great and terrible.
  1. CONVENTIONS shall represent the sovereign will of the Party as expressed by CHAIR, the great and terrible.  They shall have no beginning and no end and shall follow CHAIR, the great and terrible, as ze lawfully roams the Earth.  At the dawn of time before beginnings began, they selected CHAIR, the great and terrible, to serve as their highest executive officer, binding zim by blood and oath to defend the Party unto death, and that only by a sword pulled from a stone and transmuted into fissile uranium shall a successor qualify themselves for the awesome power and terrible burden which may befall her.
  1. Convention business shall consist primarily and ordinarily of the nomination of candidates for public office.
  2. Each representative district which requires delegate selection in accordance with 15 Del. C. § 101(21) shall be apportioned sufficient delegate slots for every resident in the district to become a delegate + and additional 20% in the event of out of state visitors or alien invasions.  Any uncontested delegate slot may be filled at any time during the convention for the duration of that delegate’s attendance by appearing before CHAIR, the great and terrible, and declaring his fealty to CHAIR, the great and terrible, the COMMITTEE OF POWER, as regularly organized and constituted governing authority of the Party, representatives of the sovereign and uncontestable holy will and perfect democratic structure of this CONVENTION and these BYLAWS.  Behold them.
  3. Delegate elections shall be supervised under the watchful and infallible eye of CHAIR, the great and terrible.  Zer rulings shall be questioned by no one upon pain of ultimate death by natural causes or unknown calamity.
  4. Proxies shall be permitted at the discretion of CHAIR, the great and terrible.
  5. Quorum is an affront to CHAIR, the great and terrible, and shall only be required upon petition by 100% of all eligible delegates and registered voters, as defined by 15 Del. C. § 101(24), to be maintained and to appear at a place and time which shall be determined and decreed from on high or from the Party’s assigned website, as designated and decreed by CHAIR, the great and terrible, for the conduct of COMMITTEE OF POWER elections, as permitted and required and decreed from on high by 15 Del. C. § 101(21).  The venue and light snacks shall be provided at the expense of petitioners, along with a nice shrubbery and a herring.  NI!
  1. All other business shall be conducted by eligible delegates, who shall be those immediately present, with no further quorum required.
  2. The other business shall be nominations when permitted by law as determined by an assembled review panel of the COMMITTEE OF POWER.
  1. There shall be no additional term limitations or mandatory elections for the COMMITTEE OF POWER.  The rules and historical practices and democratic structure of a political party demand complete and utter direct democracy for the election to the highest levels of regularly constituted governing authority of the Party.  To even suggest that even the CONVENTION could override the democratic structure of a political party would be the most egregious of heresies and must be punished by tickling.  With consent.  We’re not monsters.
  1. In lieu of tickling, the offender may submit to a small fine of $1, currency type optional.
  1. In elections for the COMMITTEE OF POWER, a ⅔ vote of all potential eligible delegates and registered voters, as defined by 15 Del. C. § 101(24), shall first be required to show no-confidence in the existing COMMITTEE OF POWER and permit elections.
  2. Following a successful vote of no-confidence, a new election shall be immediately called to replace the COMMITTEE OF POWER within 3,650.5 days, at the discretion of CHAIR, the great and terrible.
  3. Eligible candidates for the COMMITTEE OF POWER elections required by these bylaws must pass no less than three (3) trials as established by CHAIR, the great and terrible, to prove their worth and limberness, to the extent permitted by the Americans with Disabilities Act and similar provisions.
  4. Upon completion of their trials, all registered voters shall participate in the election of COMMITTEE OF POWER membership.  Winners shall be determined by successive runoff votes with the candidate receiving the fewest votes being eliminated and balloting repeated.  CHAIR, shall be entitled to appear on every ballot until a majority selects a single candidate.  Any petitioner failing to participate will terminate the election in favor of CHAIR, the great and terrible, except as excused by death or infirmity by CHAIR, the great and terrible.
  5. CHAIR, the great and terrible, may upon death or incapacity or boredom designate an immediate successor upon abdication by executing a notarized instrument and informing the State Election Commissioner personally.
  1. The BYLAWS, behold their power, shall become operative immediately upon completion of the Party being certified under 15 Del. C. § 3302(a) or retroactively to that date and time upon completion of their drafting without a qualified written objection submitted via donkey to the appropriate address within 15 seconds and may be amended or modified by a 26/32 vote of the COMMITTEE OF POWER effective upon publication.
  2. Any attempts to usurp the rightful and regularly organized and constituted governing authority of the Party shall be punished swiftly and brutally by farting in their general direction at any opportunity.  It is the entirely optional duty and God-given right of all Americans to participate in this collective ritual of shame and degradation.  Usurpers shall bear all court costs, legal fees, and dental plans incurred to resolve any disputes and such disputes shall be governed primarily by these bylaws or the principles of Shariah as applied under the laws of the State of Fredonia or Delaware.
  3. These bylaws are intended to preserve and document and formalize in accordance with all applicable laws the established rules and historical practices of the Party prior to their official adoption and to ratify any actions taken by CHAIR, the great and terrible, acting in that role while representing the first party to certify the Party under 15 Del. C. § 3302(a), a representative of the COMMITTEE OF POWER, the regularly organized and constituted statewide governing authority 15 Del. C. § 101(31).
  4. Under the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution and § 3 & § 16 of the Delaware Bill of Rights, the Party hereby reserves all rights not explicitly prohibited by properly adjudicated law to organize as the Party sees fit, free of abridgements of our rights and privileges as United States citizens and human beings, free to assemble and petition for the redress of grievances through democratic participation in public elections under clear terms equally enforced under the law.  Any provisions of these bylaws found in violation of applicable laws by a court of competent jurisdiction shall be presumed to have been intended in good faith and may be revised within 45 days to be brought into compliance in consultation with the proper authorities.
  5. Four random people in a library is no basis for a system of party governance.  If someone claimed supreme nominating power because some watery tart threw some minutes at them, they’d be put away!  Come and see the violence inherent in the system!