To whoever may be reading this document, I hope you are well and I also hope that for many of those reading - especially from my community - that what I’m about to share will provide respite and clarity. For the past 4 months, in order to protect the “peace” of other creators, the communities involved as well as my own friends, I have kept things to myself that I often regret not sharing sooner. I ended up taking the fall for things that had nothing to do with me or were simply untrue from the “drama” involving Braxophone, Tectone and myself in February.

I have quit content creation for an indefinite period of time, and have been taking space away from this toxicity in order to seek peace and closure from all the bullshit I’ve had to put up with. Since February 11th, I have attempted to take my own life twice, failing miserably to do so on both occasions, and on May 9th I considered a final attempt after discovering that my wife and partner of 10 years was having an affair during the darkest period of my life. I lost my career to defamation, lies and being thrown under the bus by my own friends and I was betrayed by the one person I cherished more than anything. I have never felt so hurt and alone than in these past 4 months and I have never cried and screamed so much until now. Saying I hit rock bottom would be an understatement and I don’t want to live like this anymore. I am not a resentful or bitter person, but this experience has changed that and shaped me into someone I don’t like. The one silver lining was that I was able to reconnect with many old friends and meet new wonderful people who have no interest in me as a content creator or how I can benefit them. I have already started taking the steps to rediscover my happiness and I hope all that I intend to write can bring me some form of closure so that I can fully move on with my life.

On the 9th May, I discovered evidence that my wife Nekkopii was having an affair. I had already known for a few months that something suspicious was occurring, but even so, deep down I didn’t want to believe it or find evidence to confirm my doubts. I loved her so deeply and envisioned the rest of my life to be spent with her. She was the one constant in my life through all my ups and downs and that is something I will always appreciate. While the drama did take a significant toll on both of us in numerous ways, this does not excuse her actions and it’s not the sole reason our marriage collapsed. I know for our communities, families and friends, this will come as an enormous shock and disappointment. I know people have extremely strong opinions on adultery, and I do too, but I hope people can find it in their heart to understand that this is an incredibly nuanced and difficult situation for everyone affected including Nekkopii. I have forgiven Nekkopii and I know she is truly remorseful and her actions do not erase the past 10 years we have spent together filled with beautiful memories and joyful experiences. Although we are in the process of divorcing, I still consider her an important person in my life. She has erased her social media presence, but I hope people do not treat her with ill will and respect my decision to forgive her. Nekkopii is a good person that just made a series of poor choices and mistakes under extremely stressful circumstances. I do not want to be part of a world where people cannot give others the chance to make mistakes and learn from them, and I want to be able to welcome her back into my life as a friend and share happy times again in the future.

The month of May had been extremely difficult for me having to complete numerous sponsored and contractual obligations while pretending everything was okay to my audience and friends. Only a handful of people I could trust knew about the Nekkopii situation, but many people knew that I was not okay with the damage caused to me by Braxophone and Tectone. Amongst those people were several other content creators - some who were my close friends - who knew what Braxophone lied about and they knew it could have adverse effects on the entire creator space if I was to ever expose it. It felt like they were constantly trying to keep surveillance on me and guide me in a direction that would protect their best interests without ever explicitly stating so to my face. It felt unbelievably isolating knowing that so many creators - including my own friends - in this space knew the truth, but just expected me to take the fall and be okay with it and move on. I know that’s what would have been most convenient to everybody else and I tried my best to just outlast the pain, but it was just killing me inside every single day.

On February 3rd, Braxophone created a document making several defamatory remarks about my character and made extremely severe allegations against me. None of these claims were ever backed by evidence and to this day, they still remain as speculation, including the commentary from other creators that tried to bandwagon against me. I provided 55-pages of evidence and contextualisation but this arrived far too late, as the narrative had already been spun and set in stone by Tectone, as well as other creators looking to get involved like Box2, GachaSmack, Mr. Pokke, Mtashed, Mujin, the list goes on and on. So much disinformation was given a platform by massive drama creators like Asmongold and SomeOrdinaryGamers too which lead to the complete spiraling out of control of the situation. Lastly, but perhaps most influentially, my own friends such as Dish and Tuonto made very public commentary on the drama distancing themselves with words that would protect their own brand while utterly throwing me under the bus and painting me as the “bad guy”. Whether or not this was their intention is debatable and only they will ever truly know what went through their heads in those moments, but the result of their words and actions both publicly and privately caused irreversible damage. I confronted both of them in private at the time and their responses and “apologies” were extremely disappointing, with a sentiment that felt like they had excused themselves of any wrongdoing towards Braxophone or myself.

Before we go any further, I’d like to emphasise that I actually had dinner with Braxophone in April where we discussed a lot of the drama face-to-face. We talked in length and I would like to think we are on good terms, and I know he is not a horrible person nor was his intention to destroy my livelihood. I told him explicitly that I did not want to have to take this route of exposing something he was untruthful about as it would likely cause way more drama and be destructive to the wider community. At the same time, if I ever want to come back to content creation it is also impossible for me to move on without either him or Tectone clearing my name of all the false narratives and allegations created or driven by them. Everyone knows Tectone absolutely won’t do that, and if Braxophone was to explicitly retract claims he made against me, it would not look good on him either and likely cause an issue between him and Tectone at some point. With that said, Braxophone told me that whatever I chose to do or reveal, he would accept it and be able to handle the situation and I hope this does not blow up to be another unnecessary drama for his sake and my sake.

I have mulled over the decision to go public for a long time now and do not take it likely. I have held off on talking about this for months because I felt it was only right that I discuss this in person with Braxophone first. I know that Tectone will spin this into another content farm for drama and make life a living hell for several others including Braxophone too. I know for my friends this is going to be difficult to process and an uneasy time. I know I will be burning bridges to work with companies and brands that I would love to work with in the future should I return to content creation. I know that once I post this document I will be incredibly unwelcome in the creator community for not being able to hold my tongue and choosing to whistleblow instead. I know there’s a good chance I will regret this decision for the rest of my life, but it has been so bitterly painful and lonely for me to keep it all in.

One of the most absurd narratives and lies to come out of Braxophone’s document and Tectone’s mouth is that I have the power and influence to blacklist creators from working with Hoyoverse. That I have the control over who gets sponsored and contractual opportunities with this multi-billion dollar company. It is ridiculous. Yes, I have vouched for people numerous times and gave my recommendations of promising creators - and these are not limited to just my friends - I have vouched for creators who I have never even interacted properly with too (I will leave evidence of this at the bottom of this document). However contrary to what Tectone and his friends want you to believe, this is not something only I am capable of doing, every single creator who has ever worked or had contact with a Hoyoverse staff member can vouch for or recommend another creator. It is as simple as typing a name into your keyboard or opening your mouth and saying a name. It doesn’t mean they are going to take your recommendation on board, and it genuinely isn’t a big deal. However, due to Mtashed’s involvement, Braxophone’s document and Tectone’s manipulation of the narrative, my act of trying to help Mtashed connect with a Hoyoverse staff member somehow became equivalent to me being able to blacklist other creators at will.

This is not the only thing that got spun on its head to be something completely false. Braxophone messaged me privately in September 2022 to clarify how I felt about him and I told him bluntly that I cannot vibe with him on a friend-level. I do not like to play “fake-nice” or “pretend-friends” with anybody and I would hope that if I had asked the same question with such sincerity to anybody, that they would give me an honest response too. Despite this, Braxophone wrote a twitlonger on me soon after on his alt-account being disappointed that me rejecting his advances would lead to him losing out on opportunities whether that be monetary or community-wise. Considering the way this industry works, it was a reasonable assumption but nonetheless false assumption. I say this because the reality is a lot of people in this industry are spiteful or just horrible and would go out their way to ruin another person’s life, I have seen it time and time again over the past 13 years. However, assuming this of me in the first place was unfair and it has evidently led to this point we’re at today with all these false allegations.

In Oct 2022, Braxophone messaged me regarding a very special and lucrative career opportunity with Hoyoverse and I maintained professionalism and gave him the best advice I could. Prior to this conversation I had given a list of content creators that were guidemakers to a Hoyoverse staff member as recommendations and assumed that’s why Braxophone had messaged me. Braxophone never brought up this conversation in his initial document, and that seriously rubbed me the wrong way. From my perspective, I had helped him market himself for a life-changing opportunity and had always remained professional with him in private contact, and yet he blamed me for all his negative experiences he had faced in the creator space. This situation was then brought up on Asmongold’s stream (a large drama creator) to which he denied this opportunity happened and that it had actually fell through. This was a lie. That opportunity never fell through, Braxophone did land that contract and I would like to think his comments saying “I also would like to clarify that I don't think Atsu blocked that sponsor deal” was out of guilty conscience if anything. That wasn’t good enough though, as it leaves things ambiguous, in fact it just isn’t good enough because it was a complete and utter lie.

Tectone had been forcing the narrative that I could blacklist people and choose who gets sponsored to all of Asmongold’s viewers and Asmon was leaning into that trying to prove it true. Later during that Asmongold stream, he asked me if I had ever contacted Hoyoverse about Braxophone. I didn’t want to lie but I also didn’t know how to cover up after Braxophone’s lie. I knew Braxophone had a good reason to lie which I will touch on later, but I ended up saying I spoke to Hoyoverse about Braxophone’s contract which was a half-truth half-lie. As I said earlier Braxophone was on a list I gave to a Hoyoverse staff member, but because of Mtashed’s involvement in the drama and Tectone convincing people that vouching for someone is equal to being able to control Hoyoverse, I did not want to mention that I had given a list. I knew had I brought that up, this stupid narrative would get parroted and then people would demand I share the names of all the creators I had recommended. It would have just been catastrophic and caused so many other creators as well as Hoyoverse staff members to be unnecessarily dragged into this nonsense and catch strays. At this point of the Asmon stream, I had been up all day having hosted a stage at an anime convention, having hosted my friend visiting from Canada, and then having to deal with all the false allegations for over 8 hours on my own stream, I was exhausted. So I told a half-truth that I had spoken to Hoyo about Braxophone regarding this contract. As a result, naturally everyone started jumping to the conclusion I had sabotaged Braxophone’s contract with Hoyoverse and that I had blacklisted him. This is ultimately my fault, I should have just exposed this lie then and there and chosen my words better. Having spoken to Braxophone, my assumption was wrong and this list wasn’t related to those contracts, but it seems like it was just some generic market research being done by staff.

Braxophone has never been blacklisted from Hoyoverse, and if you just go on his channel and count how many sponsored videos he has with them, it’s even possible he has the most out of any creator in the space. I still cannot believe how so many people were convinced and brainwashed into believing this narrative. I understand why Braxophone lied, I understand why everyone who knew he lied kept it a secret too, and I don’t blame them for it. I truly mean that. There is absolutely ZERO benefit in going against or fact-checking Tectone, and you will be dragged into a lose-lose situation, because he has cultivated a fanbase that craves drama regardless of evidence. In Braxophone’s case, he has a non-disclosure agreement (NDA), which in simple terms means if he talks about it, he’s going to get in trouble. If he wanted to do the right thing, he should have just said he was NDA’d at the time instead of lying, but he panicked. If it was revealed at the time he had a contract with Hoyoverse and was earning a lot of money from them, Tectone would have ripped him to pieces, it’s exactly the kind of thing he’s been cultivating a hostile environment towards.

Tectone has for the longest time been trying to destroy the livelihoods of creators that have worked closely with Hoyoverse. His community is extremely toxic and hostile towards those who enjoy Genshin Impact and wish to continue enjoying the game in peace. Please, I urge people to think about this carefully. How has this become a community that demonises a creator for being able to work with a game or brand they love and earn a living doing what they love? Why is it bad that creators - especially guide makers - who contribute so much to a community are demonised for getting dream opportunities? It’s because Tectone keeps stirring the pot and brainwashing masses of people into believing creators are paid to feed their audiences Hoyoverse propaganda to sell characters. It’s a tinfoil hat conspiracy theory and I cannot believe how easily Tectone is able to manipulate mobs into turning on other creators. I have done plenty of contractual work with Hoyoverse and will be breaking my own NDA to reveal this, but I assure you, there is NOTHING of the sort where Hoyoverse forces you to lie about characters or their games in order to promote their sales. Tectone knows he can spew whatever bullshit he wants and get away with it because other creators aren’t going to break NDA to confront him or fact-check him, because that will burn their bridges to Hoyoverse. For those unaware, NDAs are found in 99% of contracts or deals in this industry, it’s a standard procedure to keep information private between contractor and contractee. Please stop letting ignorance of how the business world works let you be so easily manipulated. Breaking an NDA makes you legally liable to getting your ass blasted, of course people won’t want to speak up, it’s why Braxophone lied too.

As of writing, Tectone has convinced a large portion of this community that numerous creators must be contractually forbidden from playing a competitors’ game called Wuthering Waves if they don’t play the game. Are people so sheepish they cannot fathom that some people maybe just don’t want to play Wuthering Waves for other reasons? The game has a completely different aesthetic, the gameplay mechanics are different, the voice acting and story are subpar, the game is riddled with bugs and so many other issues, some people can’t even load the game. It’s like telling someone who loves oranges and wants a more flavourful orange to go and eat a fucking banana instead. Sure, they are both fruits, but they’re completely different flavour profiles, and some people might like both, but not everyone does. I can’t believe I have to use an analogy like this, but the saddest part is people still won’t get everyone has different tastes. The number of creators receiving hate comments since the launch of Wuthering Waves insinuating they are Hoyoverse shills or slaves simply because they don’t want to make content on a game they are not interested in is insane. It’s all stemming from Tectone.

So with all Tectone has done in mind and the influence he wields, why on earth would Braxophone admit to having a contract with Hoyoverse and being one of their prized creators? Why would he bring up the fact that I actually helped him with something so valuable? It completely dissolves so much of the nonsense that was put against me and would instead put a massive target on his back instead. I want to remind people what happened soon after this drama. The Honkai Star Rail Creator Server drama, where a select few privileged creators were invited to make content for a newly releasing character “Acheron” way in advance to their release into the game. Braxophone was invited to this - another example of how he isn’t blacklisted - and then what happened? Tectone went straight after him and the other creators who were invited, without rhyme or reason the first instinct was to create drama. This resulted in an on-stream discord call between Tectone, Braxophone and several other creators and incidentally this was one of the first times ever that Tectone’s own community did not echo-chamber him. He then rage-quit the discussion as his twitch chat kept disagreeing with him and it ended up requiring Asmongold’s intervention to calm him down. It is embarrassing this is how he operates, but there is absolutely no benefit to saying anything that would lure the attention of Tectone’s drama-farming towards yourself. So I understand why Braxophone lied and I understand why nobody else spoke up about the truth.

Moving on from the lie about the contract, I want to talk about this “blacklisted from Hoyo-creator events” remark Braxophone made. Although he changed the wording, it was far too late when he did. This was the sentence that people used to create the narrative in the first place that I blacklisted Braxophone from sponsored opportunities, which wasn’t even his main point.

This entire sentence should be rephrased into “I was not invited to private parties and gatherings which many creators - including my friends - who make Genshin Impact or Honkai videos were invited to, and Atsu is blacklisting me from them”. Yes the rewording for this makes it seem cringe, and to be honest, I do think it is still cringe and extremely entitled of Braxophone to have expected such things. I understand it is upsetting to not be invited to parties or gatherings - especially if your friends are being invited - but for almost every single party he mentioned to me when we talked in private, it had nothing to do with me other than the fact I was in attendance for some of them. So of course it makes me bitter and frustrated to be blamed for them. Regardless of that, I don’t agree with the sentiment that people are entitled in other peoples’ private spaces just because they have mutual connections present.

It is at this point Jake’s (Tuonto’s) involvement in the drama rubbed me the wrong way and he threw me under the bus. The biggest gripe regarding private parties Braxophone had was a party hosted by Jake in 2023. From my understanding Jake privately messaged Braxophone during the height of the drama to clear his own name and give Braxophone the idea there were never any issues between them. This simply is untrue as Jake did not like Braxophone and he had several valid reasons to dislike him, the main one being that Braxophone doxxed Jake’s girlfriend at the time and gave a poor apology to her. However, Jake cares immensely about his public image and would rather avoid drama where possible, so he opted to not be forthcoming in his explanations to Braxophone. I have already talked to Braxophone about this and shown him receipts proving Jake did have an issue with him. During the drama Jake contributed to this narrative that I had manipulated him and others into staying away from Braxophone by “confirming” parts of Braxophone’s document to be “true” despite it including misquotations or things taken completely out of context.

The reality of this private party situation is that Jake invited a cosplayer called Yashafluff who then invited Ying (a friend of Braxophone’s) and she told Braxophone about the party. For clarity, Ying didn’t leak the party for any malicious intentions, she was just talking to a friend generally. Braxophone then proceeded to ask people if they could get him into the party as their +1 and when Jake found out about that, he was not happy. After some digging he found out that Ying was the one who told Braxophone about the party, and so he gave Yasha and Ying a scolding, which then got relayed back to Braxophone and he interpreted it as him being uninvited/blacklisted from a party he was never invited to in the first place. The simple truth is this was a private party Jake was hosting and it was just poor etiquette from Ying to share private information about it in the first place, especially as someone else’s +1. The result of all this was that Braxophone blamed me for everything when it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I personally feel either Jake or Ying could and should have cleared this up publicly but neither of them did, just choosing to avoid the drama altogether and letting me take the fall for it. I did confront both Jake and Ying over this matter privately, and I also had to give this explanation to Braxophone, which is just disappointing to me as I find myself having to clean up after other peoples’ problems which will be a recurring theme.

Darragh (Dish) also contributed to this narrative that I had manipulated people into staying away from Braxophone and I believe her comments to be the most damning of them all. I also confronted her privately about the matter and I did not feel she really cared how much damage she had caused me. She denied her intention was to save face and protect her public image, but I cannot see from her explanations nor from the wording in her public commentary how this wasn’t the case. She made a remark saying that she was very confused by my distrust towards Braxophone after an OfflineTV party in 2022 where we had all crossed paths, and further challenged me to provide explanations. She implied that I had caused a divide between our “friend circle” and Braxophone, speaking for others without a thought and I could not believe what I was reading. There were so many outlandish claims in Braxophone’s document that she could have refuted but she chose to gloss over them completely. To this day I still get asked by friends in adjacent communities and even from my real life friends questioning why she wrote any of this or telling me she had stabbed me in the back. I know she cares a lot about her public image and I know she is extremely calculated with PR, she insisted on proof-reading and helping me write my 55-page document. I now start to doubt her intentions were to help me, but rather just to check there wouldn’t be anything damning written about her in that document. This has been the toughest part of the drama to process for me as Darragh is someone I deeply trusted and cared for. Amongst our “friend group” she is the one I had the most serious conversations about life and the future with, since we were at similar points in our lives.

For context, after the OfflineTV party in 2022, in a car ride home I confided in my friends to say I did not trust Braxophone and felt extremely uncomfortable. Why? Well it is extremely ironic considering the accusations Braxophone made towards me of spreading rumours, but he made a serious allegation against a presently active voice actor/actress calling them a sexual predator as the very first topic of conversation with me at that party. It was jarring to hear or be greeted in such a manner, but yet I still did not share that information with anybody in the car ride home, because these were unsubstantiated allegations. True or false, rumour-spreading especially to this degree can have such extreme outcomes.

Yes, I repeat, this voice actor/actress is still active in the community to this date, and I have spoken to people in the VA community and other creators to get a better idea of what the fuck is going on, but ultimately it’s been lots of he-said-she-saids. As a result I found myself just distancing myself from a lot of the VA community, even though there are several people there I think are awesome. I shouldn’t have to be dragged into this again by Darragh’s demands for an explanation, but if I didn’t give an explanation I’m just this horribly prejudiced person without a valid reason to feel uncomfortable around Braxophone. I have contemplated numerous times whether I should have just exposed everything Braxophone told me about this VA and let him deal with it instead, but that would be so disrespectful and likely cause more hurt to any victims involved. It is not my place to speak on their behalf, and it certainly shouldn’t have come from Braxophone’s mouth in the first place either. It’s another example of me having to clean up after someone else’s problems and taking the fall for it. I ended up looking like a horrible person because I chose not to spread this rumour Braxophone told me to my friends at the time.

Remaining on the topic of my friends, we had a discord server called the BOZOs which I created to play minecraft with friends and have a place to hangout (which has now been discontinued). I know a lot of other creators hold a deep animosity to this friend group and label it as a clique because they couldn’t get access to this server. It’s crazy to me that creators who are friends are not allowed to have boundaries and maintain tight knit groups without being called cliquey for it. Can we please stop acting like every single creator in the world has the purest intentions and there aren’t people who very obviously want to use others for their personal gain? Of course this does not apply to everyone, but it is obvious certain people are hungry for opportunities to grow their own brand. It’s extremely telling when people make such a big deal about others not “allowing them” into their friend circles. Why is that such a big deal? Why do these people have to be friends with specific creators? Does the world end for them or is it simply because it stunts their career progression? I always found it damning that by far the most common names mentioned to me from other creators were: Antonychenn, Dish and Tuonto’s (by far the 3 biggest creators I am commonly associated with), when there were so many other people in this “friend group”.

For transparency, the people in this “friend group” were: Akron, Antonychenn, BTMC, Bwaap, Dish, Enviosity, Fishywishies, Fobm4ster, Lowspro, Nekkopii, Tsikyo, Tuonto, Xlice. For those of you more aware of these creators’ romantic relationships, you will notice a lot of their romantic partners are not even in this discord server. The reason for this is simply because early on into establishing this discord server we all had an agreement to not expand the server no matter what the reason was, in order to preserve a safe space for ourselves. It had nothing to do with disliking other people or thinking we were better than them. I hope our firmness in staying consistent with this agreement is clear with the exclusion of even people’s romantic partners. Of course people are able to go and make friends with whoever they want and that was exactly the case for me, I was incredibly proactive and extroverted in reaching out to others and organising group hangouts, trips and events. However, because a lot of the people in this group are naturally introverted and are not the proactive type, Tectone amongst others were easily able to spin this narrative that I’m this ringleader controlling everyone’s free will.

Many things were shared in this friend group, one of which being my annoyance with Braxophone having contacted hoyoverse staff to complain about me, on 3 different occasions, to 3 different staff members. The first time I found out, I remained “professional”, bottled it up and kept it to myself. The second time I found out, I did the same thing, still bottled it up and kept it to myself. Finally, for the third time, I had enough, it had been 2 years at this point. I told my friends what was going on. Braxophone could have contacted me at any point over these 2 years in the same way he contacted me for advice over his contract, yet for whatever reason he chose to contact THREE different Hoyoverse staff to complain about me instead. I did not block him until I found out he had contacted a third staff member. Of course it leaves me bitter that people questioned my professionalism when it was he who chose to take such drastic measures, when I had just kept it private to myself entirely. I kept it a secret from my friends and even from my wife for so long.

Eventually when I did tell my friends that Braxophone was talking behind my back to Hoyoverse staff, I made it explicitly clear I did not care at all if they were friends with him. I was informed the issue Braxophone had was that he felt he was gatekept from all these people by me. I said the exact same thing about not caring if people remained friends with Tectone when he and I had a very public falling out. That message was received loud and clear, and the likes of Darragh and Jake remained on good terms with Tectone for a long period of time. However, when it came to Braxophone, that message was suddenly lost, and now it’s my fault that there is a rift between them and him according to Darragh. These people are all grown ups, why am I being blamed for their inability to communicate like adults? I am not their babysitter and I feel it was extremely disingenuous of Darragh and Jake to imply it was my fault for their avoidance of Braxophone. Here is the conversation from that time (if the image is unclear please zoom in):

Deleted user is my ex-wife Nekkopii (she deleted all her online presence following the cheating). The above reaction shows that Darragh was present and following the conversation at the time and she knew about what Braxophone had been doing to me.

I hope people read this conversation thoroughly. I never spread rumours about Braxophone or even told my closest friends the grief Braxophone was causing me for those 2 years. Fobm4ster was utterly clueless with what I was dealing with, and for whatever reason other people including Jake knew about the shittalking Braxophone was doing before I had even brought it up. What I said about any creator being able to contact the same Hoyoverse staff is backed up by the start of the conversation between Fobm4ster and myself, it’s literally just community managers, who are meant to talk with creators. The party situation I addressed earlier and Jake’s involvement and dishonesty towards disliking Braxophone is also clarified here. This is not a dig at Jake either, he had every right not to like Braxophone, and the way Braxophone had painted himself as some sort of victim with absolutely no friends was also incredibly disingenuous. Most of this came about specifically because some of Braxophone’s friends were invited to a party and he wasn’t.

Genuinely, I am so sad it has had to come to this, I can’t believe I’ve had to share private conversations from amongst my own friends just to defend myself because they threw me under the bus. I can’t believe I’ve had to burn bridges of being able to work with Hoyoverse and other brands because I had to expose Braxophone’s lie about this contract and break NDAs. I can’t believe almost all this grief stems from Braxophone feeling entitled to being invited to Jake’s party. I can’t believe I’ve lost my entire life over all this childishness because these grown ups cannot communicate transparently with one another. The only person who told Braxophone about not wanting to be friends truthfully from the start was me, and I got punished for it because others were playing “fake-nice”. I got punished because I chose to be professional and keep all this bullshit to myself for the last 2 years and suffer in silence. It was so fucking lonely and it’s even lonelier in this space now than ever before.

I hate all this “fake-nice” bullshit in this industry where people just suck up to everybody so that they can keep their options of useful people open. It is so disingenuous but so many people do it and are able to disguise it well to the general public. It’s exactly why so many liars were able to dogpile me with absolutely no evidence and get away with it, because surely not all of them could really just be fake and clout-chasing, right? I can’t believe even the likes of Sekapoko got away with being part of the dogpile, the man literally hates me because I exposed him for scamming children in another gacha game. People forget the past so easily and that’s just the way the entertainment industry works. It would have been fine for me if that was the case for all this nonsense and people moved on, but Tectone is the type that will reignite drama over and over and over again and he has done exactly that. He knows that he can incite his audience into harassing others on his behalf without specifically commanding them to do so, he’s not an idiot, he knows exactly what he’s doing and what kind of demographic he caters to. To this day I still receive so much abuse from his viewers and fans, and naturally those fall into the stereotypical package of death threats, but now there’s even AI pornography of myself or Nekko. How lovely.

A lot of what I wrote above is emotionally charged and people will likely find the following hard to believe, but I genuinely do not resent anyone I feel that wronged me. I am absolutely bitter about the situation, but I am bitter about the outcome, not towards the people. Resenting others is tiring and a complete waste of energy, and at the end of the day it does no good and is not a desirable characteristic to me. I know people took actions of self-preservation and I can’t fault anyone for doing that, it’s a natural and logical response. I mentioned already that I had talked to Braxophone in length and I told him I did not want to cause him any more grief. However, I couldn’t truthfully write how I felt without calling him out on a lot of the nonsense he contributed to and I know it probably comes off as angry or aggressive, but I don’t think of Braxophone as a bad person whatsoever. He ironically ended up as one of the people I trust the most and someone I told about the Nekkopii situation when it happened. Of course in hindsight a lot of this could have been prevented, but that’s always possible with hindsight.

Whether he chooses to address this at all, I do not know, but I would hope he clears up all the following allegations or narratives that came about from his document and the ensuing drama, specifically detailing whether it’s true or false and either providing evidence or retracting them.

1. Atsu has the power to blacklist creators from working with Hoyoverse
2. Atsu has the power to give contracts to creators working with Hoyoverse
3. Atsu spreads hate of Braxophone to other creators and industry professionals
4. Atsu discriminates against white-male creators
5. Atsu only games with people who are “bigger streamers, in his immediate friend circle, or specifically a woman”
6. Atsu befriended creators such as Ant, Dish, Tuonto, Lilypichu to use them and grow
7. Atsu had privately warned Tectone about Braxophone
8. Atsu blacklisted or had Braxophone uninvited from parties
9. Atsu brought people back for a photo to specifically exclude Braxophone at OTV party
10. Atsu is silencing people to protect Zy0x for undisclosed incidents
11. Atsu is covering up a sexual assault (not relating to above)
12. Braxophone warned Atsu about a Genshin Voice Actor/Actress at OTV party
13. Braxophone contacted 3 different Hoyoverse Staff regarding Atsu
14. Braxophone knew about paycuts Atsu was taking for other creators from Hoyo staff

If there’s any lessons to be learned from this suffering, it’s to not give so much of yourself away. Preserving your own mental wellbeing and happiness should be your biggest priority, but keep a lot of it to yourself and in only the smallest of circles you can trust. This industry is unfortunately one where people are driven heavily by greed and when someone has something nice going on for them, many will want a piece of it. If someone approaches you for whatever reason and you do not want any part of it, it really does put you in a lose-lose situation but the best way out of it is to just give a lousy excuse in a nice manner. Keep hitting them with the “sorry I’m busy” and hope they get the message, I guess. Because if you ignore them, they’ll start talking shit about you and get the wrong idea. Be blunt with them, and they’ll start talking shit about you. Play “fake-nice” with them, and now you’ll be stuck with someone you don’t want around and it will likely lead to bigger problems down the line.

I look back at the past 3 years I spent in this Hoyo-creator community with so much fondness, but now I also look back at much of it with regret. I gave away far too much of myself to others. So much of my time, money and energy, I used up to travel across continents repeatedly to see friends, resulting in me neglecting my friends back in the UK and losing time with my wife. I spent an ungodly amount of time planning trips, events or group gaming sessions in order to spend time with friends and bring people together who I thought would love each others’ company. I wanted the people around me to be happy and experience unforgettable moments, and that’s what I wanted for myself too. I realise now that I cleaned up after way too many people who had relationship/friendship/communication problems that would bleed into my friend circles and I took the fall for them repeatedly being painted as a “gatekeeper” or “ringleader”. People often referred to me as the “glue” of certain friend groups, but glue is only necessary if something is falling apart and needs holding together.

I realise now that a lot of what I perceived to be genuine “friendships” were actually just transactional relationships all along and it makes me so sad to see it that way now. I lost so much money taking pay cuts to make things work out and get others involved in cool things whether that was for ConQuest, HoYoverse events, sponsorships or other opportunities. It bothers me that Braxophone somehow knew about my pay cuts even though these should have been between me and staff only. I didn’t even tell people when I took pay cuts for them to increase budgets to get them involved unless they were being unreasonable with their demands. I think it’s so cringe to make people feel indebted to you. I vouched for so many people, including those I’m sure hold resentment towards me, which is honestly just laughable in hindsight. I don’t like tooting my own horn, I think it’s also incredibly lame, but I now see that you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t because people will spin whatever negative narrative about you otherwise. I wish I realised sooner what an idiot I was for giving so much of myself away and I hope people see what a waste it is to do so using me as a case study. I gave and gave and gave until there was absolutely nothing fucking left of me. I protected my friends’ public image and reputations at the expense of my own and what do I have to show for it? I lost my career, my income, I had to lay off my editors, I don’t know who is or isn’t my friend in this space anymore and I lost my marriage. My life became a complete and utter joke because I chose to prioritise others over myself. The thing is, prioritising myself and clearing my name at the expense of my friends isn’t going to make me feel any better either. I fucking hate this.

I have always wished during my 13 years in this industry there would be more people out there who would lend a helping hand and look out for others, because this is a dream career for so many creatives. When I started content creation you would get absolutely bullied into oblivion for wanting to be a youtuber, streamer, cosplayer or any creative path and be ridiculed nonstop. It is so hard to get into content creation of any kind and find stable footing, and it really breaks my heart that this specific community has become so hostile to those able to pursue their dreams and make a career out of it. Vouching and recommending other creators with the hope they’ll get good opportunities is not a bad thing and it shouldn’t be demonised. It should be celebrated when creators get a cool and fun opportunity to work with a brand they adore.

Yeah, you might hate Hoyoverse because they won’t give you “end-game” or more “free pulls”, but please take a moment to realise how much they’ve invested into the creative and the content scene. Compare them to 99.9% of other companies who would just spit on their creators, their creatives and their community instead. The free live events like Hoyofair, the free music, the free animations, the free cinematics, the free offline events like conventions and collaborations with cafes or universities, the games themselves are all entirely free. The ability to produce however much fanmerch you want to profit from, the list goes on. They actively support the artistic and cosplaying scene by giving so much creative freedom, unlike certain obvious companies that will copyright strike you down. They’ve invested so much time and money in trying to help all kinds of creators grow and become sustainable, sure it’s not perfect, but do you rather they do nothing at all? Mistakes are bound to be made when you’re at the forefront of change, but which other gaming companies have tried to pioneer, invest and set new industry standards? It’s pretty much only Riot Games and they’ve taken almost TWO DECADES to get to where they’re currently at and they are also still far from perfect. I hope for those reading that are possibly younger and inexperienced with how the working world works, that they realise trying to destroy things that allow creative individuals to thrive does more harm than good. We should be supporting one another and not trying to bring each other down for whatever political agenda or to farm drama from the downfall of others. It’s so saddening it’s turning out this way and becoming so incredibly toxic.

I really will miss doing content creation, youtube and streaming regularly on twitch. I hope that I can come back to it all one day with peace of mind somewhere down the line. Whether that be doing content on gacha games or even gaming in general I don’t know. I’ll face that when I get to that point. I feel a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders having written this all out. I will do one last farewell stream to speak live with my community to answer some questions, and I will probably make a video and include some things I haven’t mentioned in this document too. I know people will take this as an opportunity to farm more drama content, but I’m done with those individuals, they’re never gonna go away. It’s baby steps for now and one step at a time on this process of healing. I have some apologies to give and some short open letters I want to write, which I’ll leave at the end of this document. I know some people will be concerned about me because this document might read as a suicide note, but I assure you I’m doing okay. Thank you to those from my community and friends who stuck by me through this entire ordeal. I love you all so very much more than you could ever know.

P.S. if you see me on a dating app, no you didn’t.

Examples of vouches from page 3:

I was approached about doing a podcast style event for Hoyoverse, however I did not feel I was right for this opportunity and wanted to pass it along to someone else. Ashikai was my first recommendation as she is a great narrator and speaker. However, they wanted people who use facecam, so I suggested other good speakers such as Sevy, Braxophone and Doro44. I have blanked out sensitive information.

I gave recommendations regarding “lesser known” creators who might be suitable for a caster/host role for future events. While I was on friendly terms with most of the people here, I am not personally very close to most of them and these recommendations are based heavily on presenting, speaking skills as well as merit for in game-knowledge.

Hoyoverse was hosting a special event in the UK and they hired a UK based agency to take charge who reached out to me to participate. I offered to give them some recommendations for creators too, which they seemed eager to see. This email is how I typically speak when pitching myself or others to brands, of course, I included my wife at the time too since we’re both UK based.

There are of course several other occasions where I have vouched/recommended or even directly pitched my friends/peers to brands including Hoyoverse in the hopes of getting a cool opportunity for myself and others. Being proactive in this industry should not be considered a bad thing, and it’s absolutely not my problem if others are not being proactive. Sitting around and waiting for companies to always reach out to you first is not how the business world works. I think it’s ridiculous how Tectone tried to spin my proactivity in pitching myself and others into some narrative of how I could choose who to give Hoyoverse contracts to though. I did indeed succeed in pitching groups or ideas including myself to Hoyoverse a few times, but I would also say it wasn’t exactly difficult when I was the only one pitching people to them and nobody else was doing so in the same manner back then. This was the same for ConQuest, I ended up pitching a list of creators to them, and thankfully they wanted to give many of us a chance and it ended up being an unforgettable experience. That would have never happened if I didn’t choose to be proactive, so I absolutely refute this narrative that being proactive is “manipulative” or “being a snake/rat”.

Open letters & apologies

I intend to address people tied to this drama that hurt me and I wish to apologise to others who have been negatively affected by the “feud” between myself and Braxophone that spans all the way back to 2021. Although I did communicate with several of these people tied to the drama privately, many of those discussions turned out to be unfruitful or I later realised they were being insincere. For many of those I wish to apologise to, I simply do not know them well enough to contact them for a sincere and private conversation. That is not a comment on their character, but a remark on my own insecurity and paranoia.

If your name is here and you happen to be reading this, I would like you to know that I hold absolutely no resentment towards you. Even if I feel bitterness or sadness towards our individual situations, even if I feel you wronged or burned me, I do not resent you and I harbor no ill will. To those that I wish to apologise to, the sentiment is likewise, I have never held any resentment towards you, but I did keep my distance. I hope that you are able to forgive me for my actions, but I also know forgiveness is to be earned and not given so lightly. I really do just want to get things off my chest without leaving any regrets behind and seek closure.

In alphabetical order:

AaronHongry, Asmongold, BranOnline, Box2, Braxophone, Dish, DeeloTV, Fobm4ster, GachaSmack, GratisStatus, GooseEgg, Hai_Yun2, IslandXD, Mina_Aoyama, Minsleif, Mr. Pokke, Mtashed, Mujin, RinTaichou, Sekapoko, Sevyplays, SipSipStefen, SomeOrdinaryGamers, Tectone, TenTen, TheJonathon, Tuonto, Unreal_Dreamer, Ying, Zy0x.

First of all I would like to address AaronHongry, BranOnline, IslandXD, Mina_Aoyama, Minsleif, TheJonathon and Unreal_Dreamer. I would like to apologise to you all if you have ever been made to feel uncomfortable or unwelcomed by me. I have heard that such things were being spoken or experienced by yourselves, and the truth is, yes I was keeping everyone mentioned at arm’s length. I was very much aware that you were all friends or on friendly terms with Braxophone and I had no idea whether or not he had said negative things about me to any of you. When I found out he was complaining about me directly to Hoyoverse staff on multiple occasions I was convinced that every content creator he was in touch with in a friendly manner had probably heard the exact same narratives about me. I am a very guarded person and I am the type that would rather just not have a friendship or connection if it poses a potential risk of me getting burned or someone just having to play fake-nice around me all the time. I have never thought any of you were bad or malicious people, I hope that’s not something you guys felt. It really was just a matter of me being extremely paranoid and wanting to avoid any risk of getting burnt again from within this industry.

To Aaron, I know that you had a bad impression of me after we briefly spoke at Angeless’ NYC party, but I want you to know that my behaviour was nothing personal towards you. I don’t drink alcohol whatsoever and I don't like party/loud environments like the one we were in and I just wanted to go home. I was the first person to leave that party since it was so overwhelming and all my interactions that day were incredibly rushed. I’m sorry for leaving you with such a bad impression and making you feel uncomfortable.

To Bran, I have wanted to reach out to you personally and get to know you on multiple occasions. You are the only other full-time creator located in the UK that I am aware of that has actively shown some form of interest in connecting with me. To be fully transparent, I am not fond of channels solely based on reaction-content, because I feel they are incredibly low-effort and often artificial or exaggerated. That does not speak on the quality of your content though, people clearly enjoy what you do and your presentation is really strong. Above all else, I can’t fault anyone for content-style considering most of my content is just pulling and is objectively lazy/bad. I want to reiterate that this is not to say you fake or exaggerate your content either, and in wanting to find out more about you, I lurked in many  of your streams to get a better idea of your character. I recall very vividly that I eventually had the courage to hopefully befriend you because I enjoyed the stream vibe, so I raided you on twitch, but then at the last moment I pulled back from making any further contact because I was just overwhelmed with the thought that potentially you were just being fake-nice to me. One of the biggest fears and traumas from this industry I have developed is when people would play fake-nice to my face in person then shit on me behind the scenes. It’s happened time and time again with creators I had met in the UK from the FIFA and Call of Duty community back in the day and I couldn’t help but feel that might become a very real possibility again. At gamescom in Germany, I also considered reaching out to you, but I remember seeing you with Brax, and I was also aware that Brax was speaking to both Fobm4ster and Tuonto about me in person, so I wasn’t sure what he was telling you. I’m sorry for making you feel so unwelcome and weirded out.

To IslandXD, I’m sorry if I am confusing you with someone else, but I think you were the person who came up to me with a camera and asked me to be in your video at AnimeNYC 2021. I felt blindsided by that since I did not know you and found that experience to be very jarring, so I was never certain about your intentions towards me from that moment onwards. Having said that, from what I have heard from others, you’re a really nice person. I also recall meeting you again at another AnimeNYC event, where you asked me and Tuonto for advice alongside Unreal_Dreamer. I have regrets about it and cringe over that all the time. I know my feedback to you was utter garbage, but I was genuinely so sleep deprived that day and my brain was melting, it was nothing personal. So I wanted to apologise for that.

To Mina_Aoyama, I don’t believe we have ever interacted directly, but I am aware you made a couple of efforts to do so in the past on social media. When you and Rubee had joined GG Talent I was excited because I thought it would present an opportunity for us to interact organically, but unfortunately that never came. I tried to get you involved in a large group sponsor for the game “Is It You”, but it ended up being overcapped and I have always been quietly sad about that. Rubee would speak positively about you all the time and I lurked in some of your streams and thought you were a really hard worker. At the same time though, I also knew you and Brax were close, so I always had that same paranoia about how you perceived me or those around me. Still, I had some hope that maybe a chance would come along and recently there was an AFK Journey opportunity, but that also unfortunately fell through. I know you likely have a sour opinion of me now, and that is totally fine and I’m truly sorry for any negative vibes, but I hope if you were ever seeking some form of closure this helps. I have only heard really good things about you from Rubee and Tuonto, and I’m glad you’re with GG.

To Minsleif, I know we recently met in person for a creator opportunity, and although we didn’t talk much, I appreciate you a lot for taking that quesadilla away from me so I wouldn’t suffer the consequences of lactose intolerance. I was also very aware you made some efforts to interact with me in the past too, and likewise to Mina, I had only heard positive things about you, but I just didn’t want to risk the chance of getting burned or making someone feel they had to be fake-nice to me. I hope we are good now though, you are a very kind person.

To TheJonathon, I had been told you felt that I was unwelcoming of you because you are a white male creator, but please know that is not the case. I still recall the two occasions where we crossed paths in different years of twitchcon, and I know those were not pleasant experiences for you and I apologise for that. I want you to know that was nothing personal either, you just happened to catch me at two very bad times when I had to rush somewhere else. I could not give you my full undivided attention for conversation at that time, and I’m sorry about that. I was also informed about another incident around a crab-game lobby I had hosted and that someone deleted a vouch towards you. I genuinely had no idea or at the least any recollection this happened, which must have come across as extremely cold since you never received an explanation. To clear any doubt, that same person that vouched for you has never once spoken ill of you either, so I would like to assume it was some sort of misclick/accident. I’m very sorry you experienced all this, I was hoping to be able to cross paths with you during the Genshin Pop-up event and speak to you face to face and explain that it had nothing to do with your ethnicity and apologise about twitchcon.

To Unreal_Dreamer, you have always been nothing but kind, energetic, empathetic and embracing towards me and others. You messaged me some of the realest words during such a low point even though many of your friends were negatively impacted too, and I will forever appreciate you and respect your character for that. I know often, I have been extremely guarded in spaces we’ve shared and I apologise if that ever made you feel unwelcome. You are a real and genuine one, and I hope you know and will always carry pride in that.

I’m going to start sounding like a broken record here, and I would also like to reiterate there is no fault of Brax for confiding in his friends too if he thought someone was wronging him. I would have done the exact same thing, and eventually I did in late 2023 when I discovered he reached out to a third Hoyoverse employee about me. It was just shocking to me when I first found out he was speaking to Hoyoverse staff instead of just messaging me privately like he had done so before. I know I was blunt in responding to him, but I still remained professional afterwards and gave him advice when he asked me for it, so I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just message me again. From then on I could only see it as him maliciously trying to slander my name behind the scenes and turn people against me. It’s so ironic and unfortunate, because that’s exactly what he thought I was doing to him this whole time, and like many have said, this could have been avoided with proper communication. It’s easier to say that in hindsight though.

To Gratis, Rin, Sevy, TenTen and Ying, the above is especially true for you all. I considered you all my friends, and I enjoyed hanging out in your streams or watching your videos. I felt like the friendships were mutual and genuine, but I also knew you were all especially close to Brax. When I found out he was talking to Hoyoverse employees, I instantly made a very conscious decision to distance myself from each of you and pretty much stopped interacting with you all outside of liking tweets here and there. I knew you were all some of the closest people to Brax both publicly and privately. I couldn’t get over the idea that maybe you were all being fake-nice to me or would have to start doing so. I can attest from our 1 to 1 interactions both online and offline, that you are all extremely loyal types of people and good people at that. I’m not sure if you guys ever noticed a sudden distancing from my end, but it has been something I have always been sad and regretful over. You’re all lovely and bubbly people and I’ve always wanted to reconnect so I’m really sorry it turned out like this.

Lastly amongst the apologies, the one I owe the biggest to, I want to apologise to you Brax. I am frankly terrified of the repercussions and fall out you may face from all this whether that be from Hoyoverse or from Tectone or from other drama creators. We have spoken lengthily regarding all this nonsense and throughout it all you have been kind and transparent to me. I know I am putting you in an extremely difficult position having disclosed your NDA and I know you said you’d ultimately be fine with it, but I still do feel terrible it ever got to this point. I wish we could go back and prevent all the miscommunication from happening in the first place. I truly feel remorseful and stupid over not taking a genuine effort to understand how covid and lockdown did have a serious impact on you. I thought it was just an excuse, but the more I see how others who shared that same lockdown experience also struggle with social settings, the more I understand how damaging those years of lockdown were. As I told you, I genuinely believed we could have been friends in a different timeline, we share a lot in common especially in our interests/hobbies, and frankly that makes me sad. It also makes me sad that even if we did want to pursue a friendship following all this fallout, it would come under intense scrutiny from outside parties and it’s essentially a lose-lose situation. You’d be in the middle of irreparable situations between myself and other creators, and I also know there are people who would also never accept us forgiving or befriending one another.

I now want to address people who I believe got involved in this drama with the intention being to milk it for content and to gain from it. Again, I don’t resent anyone here, business is business and there is always a demand for creator drama. If that’s the approach to content creation you seek, then so be it, but I really hope that there is humanity in you to understand and emphathise with how much hurt your words and actions can cause simply from spreading speculation. I feel strongly that many of you don’t realise how much influence you wield and how that could seriously push someone over the edge one day.

To Asmongold, despite your intention being to expose me and label me as a “rat”, I still appreciate that you tried to remain impartial and that you constantly demanded hard irrefutable evidence from Tectone and Braxophone. I wish you had given me a chance to speak before so much damage had been caused and you platformed so much disinformation from Tectone and Braxophone first though. Just giving a voice to so much speculation for a lengthy period of time is going to naturally sway an audience, especially those ready and waiting with pitchforks. The video you uploaded surrounding this drama has a million views and even the first 5 minutes are just complete and utter disinformation created from Tectone’s viewers. Braxophone should have clarified how his words got decontextualised regarding this, but I also feel like you did not even attempt to fact check things until very late on. I did want to message you privately and have a conversation, but I don’t know you personally and I know you care deeply for Tectone so I decided it was probably a bad idea. I know drama content is only just one aspect of the things you do, but I really hope you realise you have such a powerful sway and influence on millions of people. I know it’s not your intention to have morons harass someone on your behalf, and realistically there’s not much you can do to stop it once it’s started. All I can hope to do is appeal to you in being more thorough with your fact-checking to prevent misinformation from spreading and not leaning into certain narratives if you truly claim to be impartial. It was pretty much a death sentence for me the moment you said you believed everything you had been told and you wanted to prove I was a “rat”, before even having spoken to me, received any evidence or allowed me to refute any claims.

To Box2, I have actually lurked in your streams and watched a lot of your videos. I think you’re a funny person and you don’t come across as deathly serious about the content creation game, but I feel like you got lost in the sauce during this drama. You made a lot of implicit comments about me on twitter and on streams running off pure speculation, especially around the photo incident. I was saddened to see you would so easily fall for decontextualised bait and give it so much traction. I remember during one of your streams you were half-jokingly talking about joining the army as a career path, and I just thought to myself what a waste of potential that would be. I also think it’s a waste of potential if you go down the path of becoming a drama creator because your shitposting style of content is actually funny. I know you didn’t go out of your way to shit on me, but you contributed to the hateful rhetoric and misinformation and I hope you realise your words hold more weight than you know. I genuinely wish you the best of luck in content creation though!

To DeeloTV, I have to thank you immensely. You openly retracted your comments towards me after I posted my 55 page document of evidence, even at the risk of facing criticism and public backlash. You were one of the only few people to do so, and it restored some of my faith back into this community. It really meant a lot to me and helped me feel I wasn’t going insane in thinking that people were actively turning a blind eye to evidence. You’re a real one and I hope your content creation journey also goes smoothly.

To GachaSmack, from my understanding we have never interacted in any way shape or form, yet you came after me and I cannot fathom why. During the whole Kendrick and Drake drama, I saw you post a string of tweets about how narratives get spun including: “Narratives. Not facts. I completely agree that these two grown men should be ashamed of themselves for how they are going about the beef. The internet is painfully gullible & biased & the allegations are severe. Pitiful to see tbh.” You are an utter hypocrite, this is exactly what you did and have been doing to me. You took what I assume were Braxophone or Tectone’s words or narratives spoken to you in private and spun it into defamation towards me on your youtube channel, so proudly thumbnailing that you “knew about it”. You didn’t once fact check or try to approach me to confirm anything but jumped straight into farming drama content. I don’t know how you can preach yourself to be a respectful figure when this is the kind of angle you take. Like you said on twitter about stirring narratives it’s “all fun and games until somebody loses their life”, so when do you intend to realise how much damage you’re able to cause others so irresponsibly? Are you sitting there rubbing your hands at this document thinking that it’s another juicy opportunity for content or do these words even mean anything to you? You had a public drama with Tectone and seemingly made amends, all of which benefited your career trajectory. So what is your genuine belief and what is just purely for content? Your actions confuse me immensely.

To GooseEgg, we talked and called in private and I thought we had cleared things up. I have since found out you’ve gone behind my back and been talking shit about me to Tectone and allowing him to spin a completely different narrative to what you told me. I let you proofread what I had written and you gave me the ok sign, twice. For you to then go back on that, is so disingenuous and two-faced. Both you and Tectone had a massively public falling out and I don’t really know specifically what you or he has shared to your communities regarding this. While I feel bad for insulting you and labeling you as a copy of Tectone back then, I don’t understand how that has anything to do with the doxing and security camera problem between you guys that he gave you a bollocking for. Maybe I don’t have the full picture and it’s all Tectone spinning this new narrative and rewriting history, but I don’t have any faith talking to you in private anymore. I would also like to remind you that you came swinging after me first. You and Tectone started running my name through your mouths on yours and his stream completely unprovoked back then. I made a general subtweet that included but was not limited to just you guys after that, and you ended up milking it for a drama video. I responded and insulted you by comparing you to a copycat of Tectone and was extremely harsh with my words, to which I regret and have since apologised for. However, you told me privately that you guys had a completely separate issue which led to you having to move out and cutting ties with him, and I believe you’ve even shared much of this story publicly to your own community. The fact that he was a grown-ass man at the age of 27 or 28 at the time and took you in as a very young adult to live with him, but then somehow you guys ended up not on speaking terms after this other drama, is not my issue. If you guys had communication problems, why is it my fault you couldn’t solve that between yourselves? I’m so disappointed in this, I really thought you had changed and matured from the conversations we had.

To Hai_Yun2, we’ve met once at an AnimeNYC event and we barely interacted, maybe we didn’t exchange any sentences at all. From my understanding, you are one of the biggest influences that has led to a lot of confusion behind the scenes and a cause for such rumours to spread. I know you tried to get in touch with me to “clear things up” after I discovered your involvement in all this, but when I found out you couldn’t even provide a name despite telling Braxophone that people were “warning” you about him, I wanted nothing to do with you. How convenient after I take so much hate and bullshit over this whole “warning” narrative that you suddenly forget who “warned” you. I know for sure your person couldn’t have been me, because we’ve never had a conversation in any capacity. So all I can conclude is either you’re covering up for someone who you know is the actual culprit or you for whatever reason lied about me to Braxophone. I would like to think it was the former rather than the latter. I also know you were aware that Braxophone lied about having a contract and that you’re one of the people that talked to others about him having one.

To Mike (Mtashed), I have considered you a friend for a long time now. You were the only person who was truly there for me and even tried to mediate when Tectone was blowing up a previous drama and being obtuse about it all. I ended up crying in front of you and I felt that you did genuinely care about my wellbeing. I can’t tell if your intention was to look out for me or to drag me this time around. I look at your channel during the period of drama and see you have two videos that did really well for you that are damning of me. As I write this and go to grab a screenshot, I have now realised you even deleted your video that was being impartial towards me and platforming my 55 page document of evidence. I am stunned. You contributed immensely to this narrative that just because I can recommend or vouch for someone to a community manager, that this somehow logically means I have the power to blacklist people. You even asked me if I had blacklisted or spoken against you. I was left speechless that you assumed that of me when I had only tried to help you, and in hindsight you know better than anyone how you got yourself blacklisted in the first place. I know I was unkind to you at the start of Genshin and I truly regret that, so I cannot blame you if this was you getting back at me. I still hold a lot of love and respect for you, but I want you to know that you seriously hurt me with the way you went about this drama and I don’t know what your true intentions are anymore.

To Mr. Pokke, I think you’re entertaining and I’ve also lurked a lot in your streams. It would be an understatement though to say you milked this drama to a completely different universe. I hope you’re also aware that going down the drama route and farming people for drama even as a joke - especially when they don’t want any part of it - is just generally unpleasant. People have cleaned up after you and covered for you more than you realise, and you are lucky to have good people looking out for you. On a more positive note, stay shredded, you give people like me motivation to hit the gym and I also wish you a lot of luck with full time content creation.

To Mujin, we’ve never interacted, and my only knowledge of you is that you’re a drama focused creator. Likewise to others, I don’t think you had it as an intention to cause shit for me, but you also made several comments and remarks that caused me grief. The way you went about it was quite childish as well and I hope you realise you also hold a lot of influence. If you’re gonna cover so much drama I’d also hope you go above and beyond to get all the facts properly otherwise you’re just milking speculation and causing hurt for so many people. There’s not much more to say than that.

To Sekapoko, there is no running away from your past, you know what you did and you should own up to it and grow from it. Scamming children isn’t a joke, especially when you are a father. The people of the OPTC community are not gonna forget your roots. There are far better ways of making money and I’d hope you are not a complete grifter anymore. Also, please don’t try and pin yourself being blacklisted from Hoyoverse on me, you literally covered so much leaker content and kept on doing so. It should be obvious they are not going to work with leakers.

To SipSipStefen, I still can’t comprehend how you so boldly wrote an entire fake sob-story defaming me to farm internet points without a single ounce of guilt. I genuinely considered suing you for defamation and libel, and frankly, you are lucky to be in another continent as that was the only thing preventing me from doing so as that complicates the legal jurisdiction and procedure. You’re also very lucky in my opinion that Hoyoverse hasn’t sued you for the exact same thing either, so I hope you do take this as a warning to change your ways.

To SomeOrdinaryGamers, I don’t know much about you other than that you’re also a very large and successful drama content creator. There was a time when the wave of hatred towards me spiked again, and I discovered it was coming from you platforming Tectone and you covering the Genshin drama. You did not fact check anything either and just milked the speculation. I don’t know you personally or even have the most basic idea what kind of person you are, and this will likely fall on deaf ears, but please do your research. You have such a huge audience and your words and actions will inevitably have massive influence for better or for worse.

To Tectone, we go a long long long way back now with plenty of ups and downs, but it’s been nothing but downs for the last 3 years. I already touched on this in Goose’s section, but I don’t understand how you are capable of spinning whatever happened between you guys privately into my problem. You are a grown-ass man and you chose to take him in as essentially still a kid, if you could not look after or communicate with him properly to the point where you guys refused to talk to each other, that is not my problem. I told you this before and I’ll tell you again seeing as you love to bring this up, but I never forced you to reveal your DMs with me. Goose did not convey my words properly and I still vividly remember you walking into his room with so much anger, and you asking him if I was going to “leak your DMs” and him responding “yes”. I never said such a thing. I said that if you wanted to share anything from your DMs you were always free to do so, because I knew exactly how there was a lot of sensitive information in there. From what I have seen, you flip-flop a lot over our past, always alternating between: we were good friends, just friends, acquaintances, not friends, etc. etc. it’s the whole spectrum.

For me you were the friend that dragged me out of a sad lonely place following all the Zhongli drama and I truly believed you were a good person. Loud and obnoxious sure, but a good heart nonetheless, we spent a lot of time talking and even hanging out in private calls which is not something I rarely did or even do now. I cared immensely about you and thought you were the kind of person that could take confrontation and be checked by your friends, and I was under the illusion you also viewed me as a close friend. I realised after the “Kelsey/Gaslighting drama” that wasn’t the case and you were completely different to what I had known. You couldn’t even spare 2 minutes to speak to this person, and I know it was an unfortunate understanding, but you have to see how bad that looked for you at the time. As someone who was publicly close to you I got so much flack just for being friends with you and every time you would get involved in drama it would cause myself and others grief too.

I remember the time you tried to make me feel bad about calling you out on some of your bullshit by saying Tuonto and Dish always backed you, but I’m sure it probably surprised you when I called them yes-men for doing that too. I have always been blunt and honest with my peers and friends, if I think someone is doing something bad I don’t have an issue confronting them about it. If they are truly my friend, care about me or not just some narcissistic asshole, having that kind of difficult or tense conversation shouldn’t be a problem between adults. People are terrified of you since you can genuinely destroy someone’s livelihood, and you are relentlessly involved in drama as well as getting others constantly involved in it too. I have always hoped you would change your ways to be less destructive towards others, but I realise now that was all in vain. You have succeeded in cultivating a community that actively craves and celebrates drama, harassing other creators on your behalf without you even having to command them to do so. I guess I can only congratulate you for getting to a place of sustainability now.

I know our bridges are completely and utterly burned now, nor do I expect you to want to repair them. I do not care for that either. The one thing I hope you one day realise is that I did genuinely care about you and had your best interests in mind. When I worked with Esfand at a shoot for Crown channel, he asked me my opinion of you and how you’re always involved in drama, and I vouched for your character saying a lot of it was unwarranted. When Rich Campbell put you into contact with Dr. K HealthyGamerGG I was so happy for you I even sent him a message, because I thought there would be some sort of genuine introspection and progress. Even after our falling out, I still wanted to game with you and Fream, because to me, it was just two friends butting heads, that was the last message between us. I know now that’s not how you ever saw our friendship, but both of you had always remained dear to me for a long time. You guys had done a lot for me, in ways you probably didn’t even know.

Since then you repeatedly insulted my intelligence and my character even after you cut me off from your end and publicly stated you never wanted anything to do with me and did not want to talk to me. I had always respected that and never mentioned your name again in any public setting until you started incessantly dragging my name through the mud on your streams. This then got eventually worse when you started streaming with Goose. Even after the Goose drama, you reverted back to the whole “I never want anything to do with Atsu again, he is dead to me” mentality, and again, I respected that. However, the cycle repeated and you kept slandering me completely unprovoked yet again, and it’s not just me, you kept doing this towards so many other content creators too like it’s some sort of irrepressible addiction. Even with the Braxophone/Genshin Boycott drama, I wasn’t even active at the time on social media or on my channels because I was so addicted to Palworld and Granblue Fantasy Relink. Yet I found out you were relentlessly lying about me and accusing me of controlling Hoyoverse and their contracts. Once again, completely unprovoked, and so I eventually took a dig at you back.

“Lost in the sauce” is the perfect description of how I feel about you now. I don’t resent you at all, but I am just really disappointed that you’ve changed or were just completely different from the person I thought I knew. You used to be a vocal advocate for mental health and seemed to be such a genuine and caring person, often sharing your difficult past and traumas to provide safe spaces for discussions in your community. Nowadays I keep seeing you getting involved in oversexualising characters and catering to a misogynistic environment, whether serious or satirical you must surely be aware what kind of individuals you’re empowering.

During the Asmongold mediation, you were far too excited when I mentioned there had been a sexual assault of someone in the community, because you wanted to use that as a “gotcha” moment and spin a narrative that I was covering up a sexual assault. I couldn’t believe that I had to explain it is not my place to speak over the victim and how much harassment that could cause them, and that it further took Asmongold to agree with me to stop you from trying to milk it. Considering the controversies of OTK as well as people you were associated with and your

very own traumas, I genuinely was stunned that you could even approach the situation in that way. That is when I knew you had completely been consumed by this obsession for drama content, when even a sexual assault was now just content to be farmed and serve as a narrative for your agenda.

I am sad that our friendship collapsed in the way that it did, and I am sad to see who you are today. I know none of this matters to you and it will fall on deaf ears. I know you will just sweep all this along with all your mistakes and wrongdoings of the past under the rug as “manipulation tactics”. You will likely make a video to milk this drama even further, cutting out and misconstruing information to serve your narrative. I have the slimmest of hopes that these words could even reach any form of humanity that is left with you to help you realise how much destruction and hurt you’ve caused for so many people. You’re not this woeful victim that you keep convincing everyone that you are, it’s not a coincidence you are always at the center of drama. Yes, you’ve been wronged and scapegoated on some occasions in the past, but you can’t keep defaulting to this excuse when things don’t go your way. You have people who care about you around you and I really hope you keep that in mind. Seeing the way you reacted to the Honkai Star Rail Creator Server drama when even your chat didn’t want to side with you was really disappointing. It shouldn’t always have to be Asmongold or a much larger creator disagreeing or explaining things to you for you to realise sometimes what you’re saying might be wrong, misinformed or harmful.

Tectone, you are one of the most influential creators in the space today. You cannot be oblivious and keep feigning ignorance on how your involvement has created such a hostile and toxic environment towards other creators. Why do you try so hard to destroy other people’s livelihoods? Is it not enough that you are able to farm drama content and make so much money from it? In the own stories you tell, you came from nothingness to success, yet for some reason you cannot empathise with other people still struggling to find their footing in the content creator world. These people aren’t even trying to harm you or bring any grief your way, yet you still get yourself involved in their business whether directly or indirectly with all these conspiracy theories. When will you be satisfied, when will it be enough?

I know writing all of this will likely fuel you to keep coming after me for an eternity. I genuinely want nothing but the best for you so long as it doesn’t involve you causing so much grief for other people. I hope this will be one of the last times I ever have to address something regarding you in a public setting. I am tired of the drama you keep dragging myself and others into, I don’t want anything to do with you, and I really thought that was the same for you, but you just can’t seem to stop yourself from putting my name in your mouth. You did it though, you completely and utterly destroyed my livelihood and sanity, what more could you possibly want from me? I really do wonder if you would have felt anything at all had I gone through and succeeded with my suicide attempts.

To my friends

To Darragh (Dish), you probably know already how much grief you caused me with your words and your involvement in this drama. I really don’t resent you and I still care about you deeply. That experience however has made me feel bitterness I have never felt throughout my entire life. I wanted to see you in LA to confirm to myself that I didn’t have some sort of repressed negativity towards you, and I can say I don’t. When I saw you and Joshua, I felt peace and comfort around you both. It has however been extremely difficult for me to act like nothing was wrong this whole time, and I’m sure you sensed that from me too. Every other day I would be tossing a coin in my head on whether I wanted to bury this hurt for the rest of my life in order to sustain our friendship. I would keep second guessing if any of our interactions were ever genuine or if they were all transactional. You were one of the few people to drop by London and actually hang out and I really appreciated that even if that wasn’t the main purpose of your trip. I hated how I started to doubt your friendship towards me, but I also was never able to truly get over the position you put me in and the things you could have refuted but chose not to.

I couldn’t fully agree with the negative things people started to say to me about you, because I know how your brain operates and I don’t want to believe you had an actual intention to harm me in any way. I know you were really saddened by Braxophone’s words and hurt, and I want to believe you genuinely felt a need to apologise to him. I still disagree that doing so in the public manner you did was the right choice, and I do firmly believe part of your judgment was influenced by a desire to protect your public image.

It bothers me a lot that you couldn’t even comment publicly about Braxophone’s insinuation that I had befriended you as a form of investment to grow my own brand. Of all the people in our friend group, you should know best that I am the laziest and least ambitious bastard when it comes to group collabs between us and my own career in general. You, Jake and Ant always grilled me on my thumbnails and the way I did things on my channel, and I always appreciated that you’d all try and push me to be better, but you know I don’t care about growth like that. It bothered me that we had talked about the tragedy happening in Palestine in person and you knew how I felt about the situation, yet you happily let Braxophone’s comments about the situation slide. It bothers me that he claimed I discriminate against white-male creators and you let that slide. It bothers me how you knew he was causing me grief and you let that slide. I know you were disappointed in my initial reaction to him, it was angry and it was bitter, but you are one of the people who should have known best exactly why I had so much rage over it.

Before publishing this document, I wanted to add that I saw that you sent me a ~10 minute voice message today on 8th June, and I apologise, but I cannot bring myself to listen to it right now. I have no idea what you have said in it as I couldn’t get past the first 5 seconds without feeling triggered. This is temporary, I’m extremely emotional after having written this document, and I will listen to it in due course. I still love you and Joshua lots, you guys are some of my closest friends, and I really wish nothing but the best for you guys. I hope that we can still be friends and share smiles and laughter once again, and I’m sorry for any hurt I have caused you guys.

To Fob (Fobm4ster), you are a fucking ape. I know what you wrote publicly was nothing to do with your public image, but you just wanted to be friendly to everyone. I know the drama was stressing you out and I know during gamescom you were also stressed out by the situation. I also know you did eventually post in a reply and state on your own stream that I don’t control who you befriend or manipulate your decisions, but I also feel that came a bit too late. You’re one of my closest friends too, but I do think sometimes when you sit on the fence or play neutral you’re sending a very mixed message to the masses. I still love you dearly and I hope that one day I can take you and Lily around Japan and go exploring together. Monkey.

To Jake (Tuonto), you are my best friend and I still see you as my best friend and brother. It’s exactly for this reason I really didn’t feel you would ever understand how much I have suffered in order to protect you unless I went through the extreme of publicly addressing you. When I see you now I fear that you are far too gone and lost in the sauce of the content creation game. You have big goals and big ambitions and I want nothing more than to help you achieve those things, but I cannot keep cleaning up after you or taking the fall for you anymore. I confronted you before saying that sometimes people including myself are fearful or struggle to communicate with you, and there has been a lot of janitorial work I have had to do around you and our friend circles as a result.

I do think you have become more cowardly over the past year and feel that you should be fearless in your choices and beliefs, instead of bending over backwards for the masses. I know getting “cancelled” weighs on your mind heavily, but you are definitely overthinking it at the expense of your own sanity and happiness. You have been a great friend to me for such a long time, but I feel our relationship has changed since the Braxophone drama and you’re always walking on egg-shells around me. I couldn’t tell anymore if you were genuinely concerned about my wellbeing or just wanted to maintain surveillance on me during the past 2 months about when and how I would be commenting on the way I had been wronged. Likewise to Darragh, I’m sure you sensed that something was amiss and it has also been hard for me to act completely normal around you.

I am sad it has had to come to this, and I was really disappointed in you and how you went about the Braxophone drama. You are the one single person who should have known far better than anybody else what I was putting up with, and you even knew about things leading up to it before I even knew about it. This open letter is by far the hardest for me to write since I care about our friendship the most, and realistically I know, this will damage your faith in me and change the way you view me. Perhaps I will truly regret this, but right now I feel this is necessary. We have shared countless unforgettable and wonderful memories, you’ve changed my life for the better and I will always love you as my brother for that. I hope that we can move on from this and repair things, but if that’s not a possibility, I want to believe I am prepared for that outcome too. I know speaking against you publicly will make not only both of us uncomfortable, but so many others too, as we have so many mutual friends. I am truly so very sorry that I ended up taking such drastic measures, I really did not want it to come to this.

To Nick (Zy0x), I’ve told you this in person, but I feel like you have matured a lot over the past 2 years since meeting you at Anime Expo. You and I are both aware that I have gone out of my way to clean up after you for a certain issue, but when I found out I was getting accused by Braxophone and people behind the scenes were saying I was protecting you over things I was completely unaware of, I was pissed.

I told you recently face-to-face in LA that he seemingly had dirt on you, and your reaction to this information was extremely disappointing to me. You repeatedly emphasised how you would never side with me publicly regarding drama, yet you still wanted me to clarify things and relay information to you, it felt like a slap in the face. Is he talking about X? Is he talking about Y? Was it Z? I don’t know, and I’m not your messenger and this was like insult to injury. I already know very well you care deeply about your public image and you specifically try to avoid all forms of drama, and I never expected you or ever asked you to side with me publicly at all. Your comments were totally unnecessary.

I don’t want anything to do with whatever skeletons you may or may not have in your closet and you need to work shit out with Braxophone privately. From my understanding neither of you have made any efforts to contact each other over it and planned to sweep it under the rug, which is just going to lead to more rumour-spreading. I hope this will prompt you guys to communicate and squash whatever this beef is, because I refuse to deal with this or take any form of responsibility for it later down the line. I am sorry for the grief this might cause you, but I am genuinely sick of getting dragged for other people’s problems.

Likewise to Jake I feel you’re also getting lost in the sauce and starting to go down a path of cowardice, bending over backwards for the masses. I want to see you grow and succeed, and I also want to go back to the days where you, Xlice, Zaj and I could just chill playing OSRS, but that’s never gonna happen if I just kept keeping this to myself. I know you likely won’t approve of the way I went about this or see eye to eye with me on it, and I apologise for that.

I’ll likely do a livestream or video within the coming days to address anything that is unclear or things I may have missed. I could honestly write 100 more pages on all this, there’s so many layers to all of this, but it’s such a waste of energy and I’m exhausted. I want to move on and just get on with my life. Thank you for reading if you got this far, I really do feel a massive burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I will continue to remain active on my alternate social media accounts on twitter and instagram, but I don’t think I will post frequently on my main accounts outside of special occasions. I will remain inactive on my youtube and twitch channels for the foreseeable future once I’ve done my farewell pieces on there, and perhaps I may stream sporadically on my 2nd twitch account. I really don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I don’t have any concrete plans, I want to heal and do some soul searching. I intend to travel to several places and work on my fitness, so hopefully if I am ever able to make a full return to content creation, I’ll have lots of stories to tell and have a chiseled six-pack. If you are a friend and wish to remain friends with me, please message me. If you wish to cut me off, please feel free to also just let me know with a message, I don’t want to play guessing games and I promise that I won’t take it personally whatever you choose. If it’s easier, please just soft-block/unfollow me on twitter or delete me from discord, I really don’t want to guess what someone’s silence means.