Matthew Barbieri

May 2016

Fresh King of Scotland

(rapped to the music of “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”)

Listen everybody I got something to say

It’s got greed and murder and witches and frays

I won’t waste thy time, I think it’s pretty grand

I tell you the story of my time as the king of Scotland

Was heading home from a battle with my friend Banquo,

When we saw some weird sisters that we didn’t know

When I asked who the were they hailed me “King that shalt be”

And said a long line of rulers my friend Banquo would bring

When my wife heard of this I guess she felt pretty blessed

But she feared I was “too full o’ th’ milk of human kindness”

She said I wouldn’t kill King Duncan ‘cause I wasn’t a man

So I stabbed him but I couldn’t wash the guilt off my hands

Wish I could undo the death that passed him o’er like a crow

Cause “will great Neptune’s oceans wash this blood clean... ? no.”

But there’s still people in my way like Banquo, my friend

Long line of kings, huh? Maybe not if thou art dead!

I can’t enjoy being king because of my enemies

But the sisters say I’m safe until I see moving trees

With that kind of insurance I can take more rivals out

But I hear they’re organizing an army in the South

Apologies Macduff, but thy family had to go

I mean, I meant to kill you, but I sent murders, ya know?

This shouldn’t be a problem, right? In this land I’m lord

But Macduff made “this the whetstone of his sword”

My subjects are abandoning me left and right

But those woods haven’t moved so I don’t have to fight

well back to my wife I guess those murders finally got to her

‘Cause next thing I know, I find her dead with blood all over

“Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow,”

Is that all it is? Thou merely say’st thy lines and goes?

But no time for thoughts now. Hark! I hear something

It’s the woods of Birnam and... they’re moving

Macduff and the army have finally arrived

And from his sword of my life I was deprived

Now I even though I’m dead, I know I learned a lot

you shouldn’t covet or try to mess with fate cause you always get caught