Clapcast 006: On Dogs and Bullfrogs

Transcribers: Ben Roswell [@roswellwrites] [0:0:00-0:3:57]

Nathaniel [@freyquinn] [03:57-end]

AUSTIN: Ahh, we should—we should time.is and then we should do one of these games. We are not going to stay on the recording for all of this because that would be ridiculous.

JACK: Uh, a bunch of us—a bunch of us get to leave class.

AUSTIN: Yeah!

ART: Or! You could cut that out and just leave me saying, “And now everyone’s gonna be really quiet unless they’re in this next section.”

[Austin and Jack laugh]

AUSTIN: For the next three hours. Alright, let’s—

KEITH: Sit patiently and then it’s your turn.

AUSTIN: And then it’s your turn. Uh….

SYLVIA: You can just cut in, like, the noise of my chair creaking every now and then.

[Everybody laughs]

AUSTIN: Just cut in the noise of ominous thunder every once in a while.

SYLVIA: Yeah….

ALI: [under her breath] Oh my God. This is fucking crazy.

AUSTIN: We should leave that in.

KEITH: I can do a couple—I can do a couple isolated, like, laughs from far away from the microphone and you can drop those in.

[Everybody laughs again]

ALI: Oh Yeah! Just give me like a few .wavs and I’ll just intercut them.

[Austin laughs]

AUSTIN: Get me a soundboard, please, Keith that I can—

ALI: [laughs] Oh my God.

SYLVIA: [deadpan] I’ll record my phone vibrating on my desk and send you that.

AUSTIN: Okay, good. Alright.  

KEITH: That thing’s crazy! [pause] What’s happening is crazy!

[more laughter]

AUSTIN: Keith Carberry, his own greatest critic!

[Keith cackles away from the mic]

SYLVIA: This is just going to sound like 2k18’s commentary.

[Art laughs]

AUSTIN: Alright let’s clap at 25 seconds.

ART: Woah, woah! I’m not there I was still making jokes about—

AUSTIN: [loudly over Art] Oh my—Jesus Christ! 30 seconds?

ART: I could have made it.

AUSTIN: [mumbles something that sound suspiciously like] fuck him.... Okay…

[A lot of distinct claps]

JANINE: I was early again…

AUSTIN: No that was a good clap!

JANINE: Was it?

AUSTIN: That was a damn good clap. Yeah.

ALI: Yeaaaaah.

KEITH: Yeah, that was a good clap. Yeah, that was really good.

SYLVIA: I’ll take your word for it.

AUSTIN: That was so good.

JACK: Was that?

JANINE: I felt like I was a full minute ahead of everyone.

SYLVIA: Yeah I feel like I’m always super off.

[Clip ends - New clip begins]

AUSTIN: Do you want to hop into Roll20?

ALI: [sarcastically] We could do that, yeah.

AUSTIN: Oooh.

[Ali laughs]

ALI: Are y’all like waiting for me over at…

AUSTIN: Over at Roll20, you know? Everybody’s—you know? How’s that song go?

[Austin starts making doot doot noises but is cut off]

JACK: [in a sing-song voice] Everybody's waiting for you at the ol’ Roll20…

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: [while Jack is singing] No. That’s not—That’s close. [Starts talk-singing] Come and knock at my door… [Stops talk-singing] It’s the Three's Company song is what I’m thinking of.

ALI: Right. Oh have we “time.is”ed? ‘cause we haven’t done that either.

JACK: No, we have not.

AUSTIN: No, we have not.

JACK No, we have not—That’s my favourite Frasier theme.

AUSTIN: [incredulous] Time.is?

JACK: [also incredulous] No, the song you were singing.

AUSTIN: It’s not a Frasier theme!

[Jack laughs like they know something Austin doesn’t.]

AUSTIN: Frasier only—

ALI: Frasier only has the one.

AUSTIN: Frasier—

JACK: Frasier—Don’t they change their theme every season?

AUSTIN: [sarcastically] Yeah. Uh-huh. It gets really bluesy that one time.

JACK: Yeah… I guess… I’ve only see like two episodes of Frasier so my, like, internal understanding of what that is a show about is, uh….

AUSTIN: Tell me everything you know about Frasier in a weird American accent.

JACK: No….

[Ali cackles in the background]

[There is a long pause in which Jack huffs their indignation]

JACK: [resoundingly defeated] No….

AUSTIN: Ha!

JACK: There is a small dog— There is a dog who looks like its a cardboard cutout of a dog.

AUSTIN: Is that true, Ali?

ALI: There is a small dog, but he’s alive in— you know?

AUSTIN: I have seen four episodes of Frasier… maybe.

ALI: [mumbling] I don’t know Frasier is so good..

JACK: So you’re two episodes ahead of me, Austin.

ALI: [mumbling] You’re are out of your minds...

AUSTIN: Between the two of us we got this.

JACK; There’s someone called Niles.

ALI: Uh hu.

AUSTIN: That’s a brother. That’s his brother.

JACK: He’s the brother.

AUSTIN: Niles. Niles Crane. Correct?

[Ali makes an affirmative noise]

JACK: Niles and Daphne.

AUSTIN: And he is played by like a little man, who is like —

[Ali laughs]

JACK: [in agreement] A small man….

AUSTIN: —like a man who also auditioned for every role that David Spade auditioned for but was like a little too smarmy for each of them.

ALI: Yeah.

JACK: Yeah, Niles is really smarmy but he’s only matched in his smarminess by the brother— the brother who is on the…

AUSTIN: Beast!

ALI: [sounding like a fan starting up] Whuuuuuuhhh

AUSTIN: From the X-Men—Beast from the X-Men? Kelsey? Kelsey Grammar?

JACK: The raadiooooooo? He’s a radio brother?

ALI: He’s—

AUSTIN: He’s a mutant I’m pretty sure.

ALI:—He is a radio brother.

AUSTIN: He does like a radio show— He does like a therapy show. Uh Wait!

JACK: [under Austin] He’s like a therapist?

ALI: It’s—

AUSTIN: It’s a therapy show? Is actually a therapist or….

ALI: [getting frustrated] No, no that’s the whole thing! That the whole thing!

AUSTIN: [interrupting] But is he actually a radio therapist or is he like a radio therapist?

[Ali shrieks in frustration]

ALI: [in a mother knows best voice] They’re both actual therapists…

AUSTIN: [interrupting] That seems….

ALI: Niles is like a therapist at an office, and --

JACK: [interrupting] Alternatively --

ALI: Frasier is a therapist on the radio. So Niles dislikes Frasier’s practice like a lot, cause he thinks it’s like --

AUSTIN: [interrupting] Yeah! Same.

JACK: Ohh, he’s like a fake, he’s like a fake, he’s, he’s --

AUSTIN: Yeah.

JACK: He’s a fake!

ALI: He helps people.

AUSTIN: [at the same time as Ali] He is what Adaire is called.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: When you’re like a fake, like a medical fake --

JACK: Like a quack?

AUSTIN: Nah, a different one. That one too.

JACK: Like a charlatan.

AUSTIN: That’s the one.

JACK: Umm, so who is Daphne?

ALI: Daphne is --

AUSTIN: Ex-wife?

ALI: No. No. What? Oh my god.

AUSTIN: [at the same time as Ali] Friend. Who’s the ex-wife? Who’s the wife?

JACK: His sister.

AUSTIN: Isn’t there a wife?

ALI: The ex-wife is Niles’s, they both have ex-wives.

AUSTIN: Okay.

ALI: Frasier as you might know was from a show called Cheers [laughs].

AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah.

ALI: And then he got his own show.

AUSTIN: Ted Danson, he has a bar, Norman and… together guys, there’s the -- yeah. Mhm.

ALI: [overlapping] Right.

ALI: So, Niles had a wife like the whole time. I forget her name right now --

AUSTIN: She has a name.

ALI: She does have a name.

JACK: Daphne…

ALI: Daphne is the live-in nurse of the father.

JACK: What?

JACK: Oh the father --

AUSTIN: [overlapping with Jack] And she’s the ex-wife, that’s wild --

ALI: No no no, she was never a wife [laughs].

AUSTIN: Are you sure?!

JACK: [at the same time as Austin] There’s, there’s the old man --

ALI: She gets married to Niles in the last season and that’s the only time she’s a wife.

JACK: [at the same time as Ali] -- and the old man is exasperated.

AUSTIN: That’s, like the -- so, the whole most of the show she’s not married to him, making, making her his ex.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Obviously.

ALI: That’s how that works.

JACK: Who’s the Frasier in the -- Who’s the Frasier in the -- Okay.

AUSTIN: In the relationship. Which one is the Frasier in the relationship.

JACK: Well. I thought Frasier was their surname, but I’ve just remembered that that’s his first name.

[Austin and Ali laugh]

ALI: This is… This isn’t easy for me.

AUSTIN: Wait! This thing I’m reading says that Frasier is a Freudian and that Niles is a Jungian, no they’re not! You don’t get to be --

ALI: [interrupting] Oh that might be a joke.

AUSTIN: [disapproving noise]

ALI: You know how they write about smart people on TV. [laughs]

AUSTIN: I do… [loud sigh]

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: What’s the -- What’s the ex’s name? They’re always complaining… S… Ssss…

ALI: Wait what?

AUSTIN: Isn’t there always… There’s a name that I hear a lot in relation to Frasier. And everyone… They always complain about --

JACK: Is it Niles?

ALI: I… God. He has -- He has like a manager who is a weirdo and then --

AUSTIN: Maris! Maris

ALI: Maris is Niles’s wife.

AUSTIN: That’s the one I was thinking of!

ALI: Yes. Yes.

AUSTIN: Maris. But you’re never seeing her, right? Or do you.

ALI: You do, you do see her sometimes.

AUSTIN: Okay.

ALI: So the whole thing, so the whole thing is that like, first three seasons Niles is in like, in love with her but in this way that’s like, for the audience to laugh at. Like, he makes her tea to the exact temperature, she’s like really uptight, yadda yadda yadda, and he’s also secretly in love with Daphne.

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Okay. Ohhh, I see.

ALI: Right. And then as the series goes on, affection for Maris is up and Daphne is like, twenty percent, and then there’s like. Slide. And then they get divorced.

AUSTIN: Maris and… Daphne do.

ALI: [inhale] Yeah- Of- Yes. [laughs]

AUSTIN: [laughs] In very progressive --

ALI: In Frasier as told by Ali West.

AUSTIN: Right.

ALI: Yeah.

AUSTIN: I’ve read this fanfic.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Daphne Moon is a good name.

ALI: It’s so good.

JACK: I’ve just been looking at these names - Bob Bulldog Briscoe…

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Oh good.

ALI: Oh he’s-- yeah, fantastic, he’s another radio show guy. He like, has a sports show, and he’s really loud, and Frasier doesn’t like him.

JACK: Great news everybody. I have made it to the Frasier wiki.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Me too.

JACK: The quote for Bob Briscoe is: “This stinks. This is total BS.” And the caption for that is: “Bulldog getting wound up, as he often does.”

[Ali and Austin laugh]

AUSTIN: GUYS LOVE ME, says Bob Bulldog Briscoe, CHICKS PRETEND NOT TO.

Ali: [knowingly] Mmm. Mhmm.

AUSTIN: Great. Good.

JACK: I love this because the first sentence of his description on the wikipedia page is like Austin’s character notes for like very quick characters --

AUSTIN: Uh-huh.

JACK: “Bulldog is first introduced as being a sports fan, and he’s very loud.”

[Austin laughs]

ALI: [laughs] Told you. Listen, I told you.

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  Yeah.

ALI: I’m giving you all the facts.

AUSTIN: Uhh man, all these other TV shows, other, there’s other radio shows on this network.

JACK: [overlapping] He’s first seen on an episode of Space Ghost.

ALI: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. So, so they switch the --

AUSTIN: So Bob Bulldog --

ALI: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Go ahead. I’ll let -- You’re the expert.

ALI: [laughs] They, they like switch the studio, or like Bob’s, I think there was like an episode where like Bob had to use Frasier’s studio one week…

AUSTIN: Oooh.

ALI: And he like, kept wheeling in this like big tambourine or whatever --

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  Right.

ALI: And Frasier was so mad about it.

AUSTIN: Alright. So there is Gonzo’s Sport Show, Restaurant Beat, Religion on the Line hosted by Father Mike Mancuso, cancelled by Kate Costas, spoilers! [Ali laughs] Pet Chat with Nanette, Amber Edwards’s Book Chat, Health Watch, Storytime Theater, Teen Scene… That’s good, uhh, The Morning Zoo with Carlos and the Chicken, extremely on -- yes, good, uh huh [Ali laughs], Let’s Go Camping, hosted by Dan and Jenna, disappeared inexplicably -- [chuckles] I can tell you what happened! [Jack laughs] They went camping!

JACK: [overlapping] Killed by a bear!

AUSTIN: They went camping and they got killed by a bear! Aww man. Happy --

JACK: [overlapping] Oh wow.

AUSTIN: Happy Chef is a good name for a, a radio - Whoa, no, it isn’t. Radio chef shows don’t make any sense to me.

JACK: No.

ALI: [contemplating sound]

AUSTIN: You have to see the food.

JACK: Actually, no, I’ve heard some really good chef shows, like um --

AUSTIN: On the radio?

JACK: Yeah yeah yeah, the um --

AUSTIN: Huh!

JACK: Just like, really good, you know how like, there are shows about video games?

AUSTIN: [hesitantly] No.

JACK: Like pod- Like gaming shows.

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  Never heard of it. [laughs]

JACK: It’s like, I don’t know. It’s like, you don’t need to pl- There’s just people who are really smart about food, talking about food.

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  My relationship - My relationship with food is just not good. [Jack laughs] Like I just don’t have a developed enough one to enjoy a radio show about food I think. Like --

JACK: Hmm.

AUSTIN: My radio shows - The radio shows that I can enjoy are about things like -- money and depression, [Ali starts laughing] things I’ve had like first hand experience not having, or do or absolutely having, and like food is just like -- Yeah okay, like that sounds like a good -- but I wanna see it. Like it doesn’t get my--

ALI: Yeah yeah yeah.

JACK: Yeah, you wanna see good food.

AUSTIN: I wanna see it. I wanna smell it --

ALI: [overlapping]  You can’t like visualize or like get the taste of someone like, describing a really good pepper corn or whatever.

AUSTIN: Maybe I could though… Cause I remember like hanging out with a friend and they were like, yo this pepper corn that I had last night.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: I’ll go, we should get some pepper corn -- and then they’ll say, I just had some last night, that’s the whole story I was telling you why are you being so rude.

ALI: Oh yeah. [laughs]

AUSTIN: Let me live… Um… Okay. We should time.is.

ALI: Yeah I’ve had time.is.

JACK: Alright.

AUSTIN: [mumbling]

JACK: Just got it open.

AUSTIN: Um, thirty?

ALI: Thirty is good.

JACK: Mhm. This is like you A/B testing who can clap, right Austin?

AUSTIN: Uh huh!

JACK: Getting these little groups…

AUSTIN: Mhm!

[three separate claps]

AUSTIN: Mmm… That sounded okay.

[Ali laughs]

JACK: I only heard… My clap and someone else’s…

ALI: Oh, same.

JACK: So that’s really good.

AUSTIN: Yeah, two people were iden- I think it was me and then you two and I think I went a little early, so let’s do fifty, and then we’ll be good.

ALI: Okay.

[clap]

AUSTIN: Ah that was really good. To my ears.

ALI: [overlapping] Yeah! We’re the ones.

JACK: Yeah! We’re the - we’re the skillful ones.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Turns out! Nice work.

[end of clip]

AUSTIN: This is bullshit!

JACK: [???]

ALI: [laughing] What?

AUSTIN: This list of things. 50 things that Carmen Sandiego stole…

ALI: Oh lord…

JACK: Alright, new podcast starting now --

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  Alright.

JACK: -- let’s play the theme music here.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: How does it go? Jack do you know how it goes? How’s the theme music go.

[Jack starts singing the melody]

AUSTIN: Okay. Ah… The Khyber Pass, which is a mountain pass that connects [Jack stops singing and laughs] the town of Landi Kotal near the Afghanistan and Pakistan --

JACK: Ah… What’s that about? What’s that about?

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Here’s another thing that she - that she stole, uhh… The steps to the tango?

JACK: What is that?

AUSTIN: It’s the steps to dancing the tango, Jack! [Ali laughs] It’s the eight steps that you, that you… No one can do it anymore, cause she stole it!

ALI: I’m deleting this, so we can do this. [laughs]

AUSTIN: The Olympic flame? She stole?

JACK: That’s some pattern magic bullshit. Sorry, we should get back to --

AUSTIN: Casablanca. All the kiwi birds! Is - This is what it says here. All of them.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: K2! Which I believe is one of the largest mountains on Earth?!

JACK: It’s the, it’s the… it’s the…

AUSTIN: It’s the second highest.

JACK: It’s the second largest, yeah.

AUSTIN: After Everest, right?

JACK: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Hmm… Every anchovy from the Black Sea,

JACK: Hm. Okay. That’s extinction.

AUSTIN: [overlapping] All of them, again. That is.

JACK: She did an extinction there.

AUSTIN: Well. She didn’t kill them. She stole them. And like next to those: the keys to the Tower of London. Who cares?! Like. Who even --

JACK: There’s copies!

AUSTIN: Right! [impatient noises] Alright.

JACK: So wait. In the game where we try to find her so we can bring her to justice --

AUSTIN: Who?

ALI: [laughing] What --

JACK: Carmen Sandiego.

AUSTIN: Oh, I thought you meant the Cadent! [Ali laughs] I was like whoa! [Jack chuckles] Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re cops, you’re interpol.

JACK: [overlapping] So like the -- Okay, so --

AUSTIN: I think.

JACK: Correct me if I’m wrong here. The pitch for Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego is: someone has stolen [laughing] the steps of the tango --

AUSTIN: Uh huh.

JACK: Find them. How do you imprison someone like that? What is the charge for someone who has stolen every anchovy!

AUSTIN: Well first of all. She like, always gets away. To be clear.

JACK: Okay.

AUSTIN: Two, you need three things [laughs]. This is how this goes. Do you not -- Have you not seen the show or played the game?

JACK: [overlapping] No I have never -- no.

AUSTIN: Alright. So. You need to have uhh -- I think one of them, it’s like the three things you always need, it’s like -- no, you need the warrant, that’s one. You need… um… The lute, I think, like you need to find the thing, and then you need to find her.

JACK: Oh the thing she’s stolen?

AUSTIN: I’m pretty sure that’s what you need. You need all three, the lute, the warrant, and the… criminal. I just remembered the warrant because that a capella group, Rockapella, would go: [singing] the warrant!

ALI: [singing along] Rocking it a capella… Sorry.

AUSTIN: Right. That’s… yeah.

JACK: What is happening!

AUSTIN: [incredulously] Have you not seen Rockapella?

JACK: No… Is, is this related to --

AUSTIN: Oh my god.

ALI: They did a really good cover of… Ride on time, that I’d listen to. A little.

AUSTIN: Do they actually?

ALI: Yeah.

AUSTIN: I’m - [Jack sighs] I’m just gonna link Jack to this now. I’m sorry. Alright. I’m sorry.

ALI: [overlapping] No no no no!

AUSTIN: It’s upsetting to me, that he doesn’t know… any of this.

JACK: Have we maybe considered the option that Carmen Sandiego might… be a god.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Yeah of course we have considered that. Of course we’ve… What?

JACK: What is this.

AUSTIN: Here, I got you. Oh wait. Okay well, that’s a different thing. You should watch the second thing.

ALI: Yeah. The --

JACK: Okay.

ALI: Austin’s thing is probably more important.

JACK: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, question mark, Rockapella Y Neckties and Gumshoes. Okay.

AUSTIN: You should know where the countries are.

JACK: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

AUSTIN: You can’t hear them but they’re singing in the background. There’s not enough singing in this video. Oh there you go, jump to like 1:38.

ALI: [overlapping]  Yeah there’s like -- I want one of those jackets, what the fuck?

AUSTIN: I know. What’s --

ALI: There we go.

AUSTIN: See? Steal their - Mhm. I need to look at the lyrics of this song. Because I - I think there’s a sole / Seoul pun in here… “Steal their soul in South Korea.”

ALI: Oh yeah, I think so.

AUSTIN: Mhm.

ALI: Mhm.

JACK: The audience is singing along, which is good.

AUSTIN: Cause they’re big fans! Oh my god that guy’s hair is so BAD! That guy’s hair is so bad! I thought it was short, it’s long! The one in the pink shirt! It’s like… He has like a… Brown like short hair upfront but in the back it turns blond and it’s just the worst mullet… It’s like a ponytail mullet…

JACK: [overlapping]  Oh no… I just saw it, yeah…

ALI: [disgusted noise]

AUSTIN: It’s bad.

JACK: Oh they’re all on… South America now.

AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh huh!

JACK: Seems like a very joyful show.

AUSTIN: You should watch it. It’s fun! It’s fun. [singing] The warrant -- okay. [Jack laughs] Oh boy. Funny or Die presents Rockapella sings: Where in the world is El Chapo. Boo. Boo!

[Ali and Jack laugh and groan]

ALI: That’s too bad

AUSTIN: God, It’s literally them. They’re old and they’re… Dressed the way they used to be…

ALI: [overlapping] Of course it’s literally them.

AUSTIN: It’s bad.

[end of clip]

AUSTIN: Have either of you had the chance to look at this book… At all…

SYLVIA: I -- skimmed it. But it’s kind of a weird time.

KEITH: [overlapping]  Yeah, I - I looked through some of it, but I’m leaning, I’m leaning on that it’s, you know.

AUSTIN: [overlapping]  You’ve, you’ve played it.

KEITH: It’s GM-less -- Yeah, we’ve also -- I’ve played it.

AUSTIN: Yeah, it’ll be fine. It should be fine.

KEITH: Yeah. Hey, can I read this headline to you?

AUSTIN: Of course.

KEITH: And thank this is -- Courtesy of Twitter moments: Inventor admits dismembering journalist, but denies murder.

AUSTIN: Fuck. Umm --

SYLVIA: So I saw that --

AUSTIN: Oh is this the Russian, is this the, the journalist who went missing --

KEITH: Danish inventor --

SYLVIA: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Oh yeah, Danish.

KEITH: -- named Peter Madsen admitted dismembering the body of Swedish journalist Kim Wall aboard his submarine, however he has denied killing her.

AUSTIN: Jesus [disgusted noise] Fuck.

KEITH: [overlapping with Sylvia] Yeah.

SYLVIA: I saw a thing too where they just mentioned- they said he was a submarine inventor, which I thought meant they said - meant he invented submarines but it is not the case.

AUSTIN: But wait --

KEITH: [overlapping] He invents in --

SYLVIA: He invented A submarine.

KEITH: [overlapping] He invented it or he invents IN the submarine.

SYLVIA: [quietly] Wait, really…

AUSTIN: What did he invent?

KEITH: I think, well it said that he dismembered her inside his submarine, but it’s unclear if that’s a submarine he built, or a submarine he bought to invent inside of.

AUSTIN: I don’t like inventors.

KEITH and SYLVIA: Yeah.

AUSTIN: That’s my takeaway.

KEITH: I’m, I stopped at Stuart Pickles. It’s as far as I go.

AUSTIN: That’s a good inventor, you want me to tell you what.

KEITH: [overlapping] He’s a good inventor.

AUSTIN: That guy knows how to invent some fucking toys.

KEITH: Mhm.

AUSTIN: He was a toy inventor, right?

KEITH: He was a toy inventor, yeah. He had that - [stuttering] In the movie he had that like flying dinosaur that kids could r-it was like a little, it was a plane, for toddlers. And [laughing] he invented -- and it’s like, the worst idea.

AUSTIN: Yeah. Unfortunately the real Stu Pickles would then go on to build drones.

KEITH: Right. [overlapping] Yeah, yeah.

AUSTIN: Predator drones, or actual innovation that came out of Stu Pickles’--

SYLVIA: [overlapping] Fuck him --

KEITH: That’s how he could afford to buy the thrusters, it’s the thing.

AUSTIN: Yes!

KEITH: [overlapping] The army paid him --

SYLVIA: -- All grown up! Goes some places.

AUSTIN: Alright. Let’s time.is.

SYLVIA: Oh. I should get that up.

AUSTIN: Sh-shall we?

SYLVIA and KEITH: Yep!

SYLVIA: Okay, I’m [unintelligible].

KEITH: The fire manager at work has top secret security clearance. Because he worked at a defence contractor.

AUSTIN: And like still has the clearance basically?

KEITH: And  still has the clearance, yeah.

AUSTIN: Wild… wild!

KEITH: I know.

AUSTIN: Okay. Let’s clap at like… five after? Uh oh, mine is just like frozen, one second.

SYLVIA: Alright.

KEITH: Apparently his job was to make like uh -- and it’s actually really funny -- umm, it is funny for my character this season, his job was to make like vlogs for young soldiers on how to use advanced military technology?

SYLVIA: [overlapping]  Oh my god.

AUSTIN: Jesus Christ, that’s like dark Gig

KEITH: Cause before -- Yeah it’s dark Gig. Apparently before that they were just sending them these giant user manuals, and they just couldn’t figure out, how to -- use any of this stuff. Cause it’s just like, we came here from high school, we don’t know how to use a user manual for this complex technology.

AUSTIN: God...

KEITH: Yeah it’s bad.

AUSTIN: Um, okay. Let’s do -- you wanna do 55?

SYLVIA: Sure.

KEITH: You got it!

[clap]

AUSTIN: That sounded pretty good, on my side?

KEITH: Yeah it sounded really good for me.

AUSTIN: Okay --

KEITH: Actually, I’m gonna kick my cat out real quick, cause I know that twenty minutes in he’s gonna be scratching at the door.

AUSTIN: Mhmm. Mhm.

[end of clip] 19:48

KEITH: Sylvia^[1], I’m so worried about this, cause this - this could go so wrong.

SYLVIA: I mean -- Yeah. Friends at the table. It always can go wrong.

KEITH: Yeah…

SYLVIA: Kinda just the philosophy I’ve adopted at this point.

KEITH: I hope this goes wrong in some ways but not in other ways.

SYLVIA: I want -- I hope we’re all alive, is the way I want this to go.

KEITH: [overlapping] Yeah. The thing is if this one ends like the last one did, the last time we played Follow, then like -- [???] is just gonna die.

AUSTIN: Alright. I am back, awesome.

SYLVIA: Hello.

AUSTIN: Hi.

KEITH: Yo.

AUSTIN: Alright! I’ll take a sip of this water.

[end of clip] 20:30

ALI: And yeah. We’re good. We’re good. Is everybody ready -- we should be prepared to time.is in a second also, by the way.

JANINE: Oh yes. Yes yes.

ALI: [stretching and yawning noises]

[Janine laughs]

ALI: [exaggerated yawning noises]

[Ali and Janine laugh]

KEITH: [more exaggerated stretching and yawning noises]

ALI: No, I’m -- I’m --

KEITH: I’m so -- I’m stretching here. [more stretching noises]

ALI: I’m fine, I’m prepared to do this.

JANINE: This is the Tips at the Table episode where we all hulk out.

[Ali and Keith laugh]

JANINE: It’s a theme epis- It’s a holiday Tips episode. Holiday Hulk episode.

ALI: A thing that’s interesting is that we don’t have to answer questions. The boss is not here today.

DRE: That’s true.

JANINE: That’s true, we could just get really drunk.

KEITH: [overlapping]  We could do whatever we want.

ALI: Welcome to our Star Wars spoiler-cast, cause I just saw it and cried every five minutes?

KEITH: Oh boyy.

DRE: Oh god.

KEITH: Every five minutes, wowies, Ali…

ALI: Well, cause I was like --

KEITH: Did you like it?

ALI: I did like it. And I’m -- we’re not gonna say any spoilers for anyone in the chat right now, I’m not gonna say a single thing.

KEITH: No, no we’re not.

ALI: But I would like -- so there were like parts where like, in two minutes the movie wanted me to cry but there were smaller things that were making me cry and then it would happen I really -- [exaggerated crying noises]

[Janine laughs]

ALI: And like that. Um, and it was fine, it was fine, I had a good time. The thing that I realized at the start of that movie was, all Star Wars movies have to be is good, and I have to believe that the people in the movie like each other. And that’s -- they just have to be good movies. And then like I had a bunch of other emotions and all that in between that, and when I walked away I was like -- that’s a good movie --

KEITH: [overlapping]  Wait. I have a --

ALI: -- and those people liked each other, and…

KEITH: I have a question. Do you mean the actors need to like each other or the characters need to like each other?

ALI: The characters. The characters.

KEITH: Okay.

ALI: There’s just gotta be people who like each other, and I believe it, and they don’t like each other, and I do still believe it. And I did for all of that. And that was it.

KEITH: Good!

ALI: Yeah! [laughs]

JANINE: Okay. Um -- I heard we need to clap?

KEITH: So you don’t need to write your -- The Rock Star Wars movie anymore. Cause --

ALI: Pff what? I -- No, yes, I do need to -- What are you talking about? [laughs] How would it be that I don’t need to do that?

KEITH: Well I was saying -- Well I thought maybe there’s another - there’s a good Star Wars movie again, so you were like, I don’t need to write my good Star Wars movie anymore.

ALI: No, I’m not --

DRE: [overlapping] Right, Ali would write a great one.

ALI: Yeah, yes. By the way. No, but like, I like, didn’t go to that movie expecting that it should be like a big thing, and I think a lot of people expect Star Wars movies to be like, the best movie around, cause everyone talks about it, but like, the first ones were good. [laughs] There were some in the middle there that like weren’t as good, and then like these ones are still good like, they’re good, they’re good movies.

KEITH: Okay. They’re good.

ALI: They’re good movies!

KEITH: Well. “These ones” is a stretch. [Ali laughs] For me.

ALI: Okay. Alright.

KEITH: This one.

ALI: Did you think it was not good?

KEITH: N- This one I thought was good.

ALI: Right!

KEITH: These ones I did not think was good.

ALI: Ah [laughs] The series we are living in, is a --

KEITH: Yeah yeah. The, the - I was sort of medium plus on the last two, and that was --

ALI: Okay.

DRE: By the last two, do you mean Rogue One and Force Awakens?

KEITH: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

ALI: Yeah. Okay. Um, did you --

KEITH: I would go… Two -- C+, C+, B+. That’s my -- I’d go --

ALI: Oh, wow. Wow wow wow.

DRE: C+ is harsh.

KEITH: C+... Well I’m being real about my rating, C+ is not that bad. There’s a lot of movies I would --

ALI: Yeah.

JANINE: I haven’t seen a Star Wars movie since elementary school but we definitely need to clap. We need to clap.

ALI: [laughing] Okay. We can clap at twenty seconds, thank you Janine.

JANINE: [laughing] Okay.

KEITH: What time are we clapping at?

DRE and ALI: Twenty.

JANINE: Twenty.

[clap]

[end of clip] 24:10

ALI: Any dog would hate that.

KEITH: Yeah. This dog seems like they’re pretty okay with it.

ALI: Well, true. True.

JACK: What’d the dogs hate?

[Ali laughs]

KEITH: Um, bows on the ears.

JACK: Hi, I was summoned!

[Ali and Keith laugh]

KEITH: We’re talking about how, Art’s dog grooming place keeps giving Mabel a bandana instead of a bow because they weren’t sure if Mabel was a boy or a girl despite having cleaned her --

JACK: Oh my god…

KEITH: And I was like, where would you even put the bow, how does the bow go on -- Cause dogs aren’t natural bandana wearers.

JACK: [overlapping] It’s on the -- just on the top of, of --

ALI: Okay okay.

JACK: Just on the nose.

KEITH: Yeah, wear it on the nose.

ALI: See, I was assuming it was more like... that…

JACK: Oh I… I despise this dog.

[Ali and Keith laugh]

KEITH: Yeah I’m not a big -- I’m not a big fan of this.

ALI: [overlapping] Why?!

KEITH: It looks - it looks grumpy and yappy and nippy and I don’t like how sloppy the bowtie is placed and I think their personality has something to do with it.

JACK: Yeah… I’m not a big fan of that dog.

ALI: Why!

ART: I don’t know why I’m not recording right now.

JACK: There’s some other dogs here… This one up here? It’s a really good dog. This -- The previous dog.

ALI: Oh, the previous dog is… fit outfit. Just [kissing sound].

KEITH: I’d --

JACK: The little - the little golden one? And there’s this -- there’s this spitz... a really huge one. That dog is wrapped up for Christmas and it looks great.

[Ali laughs]

ART: I wish -- I wish I knew where Mabel was, I could get a picture of the bandana they gave her, but… she hates when I’m recording, I don’t know what it is, maybe the computer makes a weird noise or something, I don’t know --

ALI: I think that might be -- Cause I think my cats like hate my phone camera and I think it’s because it makes a weird noise.

JACK: It makes a sound… God.

[Ali laughs]

JACK: There’s something so like… there’s something distinctly human about that right? Like oh, we have all these devices that the animals hate, and we use them constantly.

[Keith laughs]

JACK: Let’s see -- Let’s see this one here.

KEITH: My cat -- my cat seems to really like my uhh, my microphone. My cat’s always jumping up on my desk and playing with my microphone.

[Ali hums]

JACK: That dog’s having some like -- That dog is on what I would describe as a dog easel, and I’ve never had need to use these words before.

[Ali and Keith laugh]

ART: That is -- that is definitely that place though, that is where they put dogs for haircuts.

KEITH: That dog looks pumped about it.

JACK: [overlapping] Yeah.

ALI: There is a video of the same dog…

JACK: Oh yes, please!

ALI: Let me see if I can… “Share video,” I would love to!

KEITH: Art, how often do you get your dog groomed?

ART: About once a month, when she starts smelling like Doritos.

[multiple people laugh]

ALI: That’s playing now?

KEITH: Oh my god this dog has a full tongue out.

ALI: I love it.

ART: What a giant tongue, oh my god.

KEITH: [overlapping] This is like a frog tongue, what is it?

ART: Yeah, that’s -- this frog dog is…

KEITH: [overlapping] I saw… I saw the most difficult video the other day, of a… of a giant African bullfrog that they just put in a, um, like little tupperware, and just dropped bugs into it, and he just fucking -- like -- loafed around and just flung his tongue out at them and it was wild. This thing looks like it’s from a video game, but it’s…

[Ali and Art laugh]

ALI: I like, saw a --

KEITH: Like it just clearly doesn’t look like it’s from real life. Like it’s just, the way that it looks is like, no thing looks like this. Um…

ART: They did sell a lot of Star Wars dog costumes in the lead up to Halloween at that store, and now they have like --

ALI: Did they dye that dog for that…

ART: I -- I don’t -- That feels like it’s Photoshopped.

[Ali laughs]

ALI: Hold on… Cause there’s two pictures… [clicking mouse] Let me get back here, I’m so far away from that...

ART: Now they’re selling like, really legit dog winter coats, and I -- We’re in Los Angeles…

ALI: True.

JACK: Mhm... mhm… Not a great place for...

ALI: That dog is dyed.

ART: Yeah it guess they dyed that dog, and I feel like [Ali laughs] I feel like we should call someone.

ALI: No… That’s probably fine.

JACK: Do you remember that dog café?

KEITH: Who are these people?

ALI: I do remember the dog café.

JACK: That was great.

ALI: That was a fun time.

ART: Oh, if you check Jess’s twitter her most recent tweet is photos of Mabel with this bandana and now I’m 100% convinced this is a Valentine’s bandana.

JACK: Oh that they just like pawned off on you?

ART: Yeah but I mean, it looks great. Mabel looks like a million bucks.

ALI: Oh well first of all [Keith laughs] she looks incredible. And also that could be year round. It’s just hearts!

KEITH: Yeah it’s just hearts. Dogs love --

ART: But it’s supposed to be -- it’s supposed to be like, themed. Because like for Fourth of July she came back with like a flag bandana.

ALI: Right, but like Thanksgiving is a tough one to deal with a dog.

ART: Oh yeah, dogs hate turkey.

ALI: Well, just like, put a turkey bandana on a ca-- a dog. It’s gonna look ridiculous.

[Art laughs]

ART: Alright --

JACK: [overlapping] This is incredible Mabel pictures.

[Ali laughs]

KEITH: I --

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Hello!

ALI, ART and JACK: Hey!

KEITH: Where are these pictures?

AUSTIN: How’s it going?

JACK: I’ll link them in the chat.

KEITH: Um, okay I d-- Aww… Look at that!

JACK: You should click through cause, cause some of them are, just --

AUSTIN: These are good. These are good Mabel pics.

KEITH: Those are very good. Oh the second one makes the bandana look like a little cape! [Austin laughs] Superhero dog.

KEITH: Alright. Alright I do have that bullfrog video, but be careful because it’s tough, and also don’t watch past halfway through because it stops being bugs and it stops being mice.

JACK: Aaaaah… No! Don’t!

ALI: Wait -- We really --

[Keith laughs]

AUSTIN: No...

JACK: Noooo.

ALI: I don’t want this!

AUSTIN: I don’t want it.

KEITH: I don’t want it either, that’s why I’m linking you it, that’s why I’m saying don’t -- be careful.

AUSTIN: [overlapping] That’s not how it works.

JACK: [overlapping] No! No!

[Ali laughs]

JACK: You can’t just trade it off. This isn’t like a hot potato situation!

KEITH: I -- I just. This thing is, looks crazy. It looks like --

JACK: I don’t want to see it!

KEITH: It is -- It looks the way no frog should look. It’s a truly lumbering menace.

AUSTIN: Menace, really?

KEITH: Yeah. What’s that?

AUSTIN: [laughing] I said: menace, really?

KEITH: Yeah. [laughing] It is a menace. It really is. I mean --

JACK: This frog seems to be eating mice, Austin.

AUSTIN: [resigned] Okay, I’m good!

KEITH: Yeah. Yeah. Only a -- [Jack laughs]

ALI: Did you even link it yet?

KEITH: No, I didn’t --

JACK: [in the background] No, he has not linked it.

ALI: [in the background] Okay.

KEITH: [overlapping] everyone said -- everyone said, “ooh! Don’t.”

AUSTIN: [overlapping] I’m not gonna look at it.

ALI: I’m also not, cause I kinda --

JACK: I’m also not gonna look at it.

[Keith laughs]

AUSTIN: I’ll take it on faith, you know [Ali laughs] I’ll take it on faith that your frog eats mice, you know, you don’t need to prove anything to me.

JACK: But like, you know, Austin I feel like this is a glass houses situation, because you -- [laughs]

AUSTIN: What have I done?

JACK: [laughing] Uh ohhh… Ohhh…. Play coy with the mannequins of dental dummies huh?

AUSTIN: Those are mannequins. Those haven’t eaten anything.

ALI: Wait what?

AUSTIN: If you scroll up in Twilight Mirage --

JACK: [laughing] Oh, Austin posted a photo set of some horrifying dental dummies, and then when we said no, posted them all in the chat...

ALI: [overlapping] Ohh, God, no, yeah, what the fuck…

AUSTIN: They’re better. They’re better than a thing that eats another thing. They’re made of plastic and glass.

ALI: No… they --cause they look like they could. Also, you know, it’s just a bullfrog. It’s the cycle of life.

AUSTIN: Well these were Iconoclasts, and fear is the point.

ALI: They probably get no choice about that.

KEITH: Yeah, it’s mostly — Listen. All I’m saying is -- Oh I remember those now, yeah those were gross [laughs].

ALI: They were horrible!

KEITH: This is definitely less disturbing than -- I’m just saying like, it’s bugs at first, you see the cockroach and you’re like ‘oh that sucks that I have to watch a bullfrog eat cockroaches’ --

AUSTIN: No, cause it’s also a cockroach, I can’t look at those either. That’s a double no.

KEITH: No? You can’t look at a cockroach?

ALI: Just can’t look at them?

JACK: It’s a medical condition, yeah.

KEITH: It’s -- It really is -- this first --

ALI: I feel like we talked about this.

AUSTIN: [in the background] I’m getting better but like… [disgusted noise]

KEITH: [overlapping] This first -- the first shot where this thing whips out its tongue, [Ali laughs] it catapults its tongue off of the ground and it ricochets into the cockroach, it’s really insane. It’s like --

AUSTIN: It’s like a trickshot.

KEITH: It’s a trickshot, it’s truly a trickshot. [Austin hums] This is a menace bullfrog.

ALI: Keith do you remember that one frog that --

KEITH: Listen, I’m gonna put it -- don’t watch it if you don’t wanna watch it.

ALI: I’m not. But do you remember the video of the two frogs that --

AUSTIN: Oh, that --

KEITH: [overlapping] I’m deleting it, yeah, it’s got a, it’s got the thumbnail --

ALI: Yeah, I hate this thumbnail.

KEITH: Yeah.

[Ali laughs]

KEITH: The thumb -- It’s a different thumbnail on YouTube, I deleted it.

ALI: Okay, thank you. Umm… But now we know, but we didn’t have to watch it, but now we know. But it was the two frogs on a tank and like, one of them like reacted really slowly?

KEITH: Yeah?

ALI: Do you remember this?

KEITH: Wait. There’s two frogs in a tank and one of them reacted slowly. I don’t remember this.

ALI: [overlapping] Yeah, it was --

JACK: [overlapping] Oh! Yeah, I vaguely remember this.

ALI: It was like [laughs] -- someone dropped like a thing in, or like a, a, a -- a bug moved or something, and then the first frog notices it, and like doesn’t do anything, and the second frog notices him noticing it, and then eats it, and then the first frog tries to eat it as the second one eats it.

JACK: It’s like the frog --

KEITH: Oh wait, with the cricket?

JACK: Oh maybe…

ALI: I think so?

KEITH: I think that clip is in the clip that I linked. But, as an apology, I will link you a video where the same type of bullfrog saves an entire pool of his tadpoles from drowning. Or, or from drying out.

[Ali laughs]

JACK: Oh, I’m potentially more into this!

KEITH: Yeah.

ALI: [laughing] Bullfrog dad.

JACK: No Austin, this is Eddy Huntington’s song?

AUSTIN: I don’t know who this is, but it’s amazing. It’s this image.

JACK: [laughs] What’s the song like? I’m gonna soundtrack the first video with the second.

ALI: Smart.

[first notes of Eddy Huntington’s U.S.S.R. play]

ALI: That’s a big ass frog.

KEITH: Yeah, no, this frog is enormous. This is like --

JACK: Is this from PBS?

KEITH: Yeah it’s a nature documentary on PBS.

JACK: Oh, it’s David Attenborough!

ALI: Oh I don’t like the tadpoles that’s disgusting.

AUSTIN: I think this song … is bad.

JACK: You’re not a fan Austin?

KEITH: This sounds like, this sounds like a misguided attempt to redo Chemical Plant Zone.

ALI: I hate these tadpoles they should die.

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Oh it does sound like that! It does sound like Chemical Plant Zone.

KEITH: Yeah.

ALI: Oh yeah.

AUSTIN: Anyway, this song is from a 1990s series about --

KEITH: [overlapping] There’s one really dissonant note --

AUSTIN: Yeah. This song is about --

[Keith sings a part of the song]

AUSTIN: Richard Nixon? And it’s from 1992.

ALI: It’s just cutting to other pictures of him, look at his big belt?

AUSTIN: Yeah I know…

KEITH: [laughing] That is a big belt.

JACK: They only have limited pictures of him, so we kinda have to cycle through them several times over the course of this three minute song.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

KEITH: Oh, this is a Backseat single?

ALI: I hate this frog, I’m not watching this anymore.

ART: Oh, it’s like living bubble tea!

AUSTIN: What?

KEITH: This is a --

ART: It’s like living bubble tea.

ALI: Yeah, I hate it.

[Keith laughs]

ALI: Don’t watch that video.

KEITH: It’s a -- It’s a frog saving all his babies!

ALI: It’s horrible. It looks like they’re boiling because of the way they move. It’s horrible.

KEITH: He’s -- he’s -- no, they’re eating the stuff on the surface is the thing.

ALI: It’s horrible.

JACK: It’s so bad. No improvement on what you just said.

KEITH: He’s saving his thousand sons.

ALI: [laughs] I don’t like his sons.

JACK: Ah, speaking of another good video, you remember that great video with the like tiny boy holding the leads of these two enormous dogs that were sitting to his left and right?

AUSTIN: No.

KEITH: No!

JACK: I think you might have linked it to me, Ali. Um... It was like, this tiny kid and these enormous dogs. I don’t know what the Google search term is here.

ALI: I do remember this.

KEITH: I didn’t know the -- I didn’t know you guys called ‘leashes,’ ‘leads.’ I thought that was just like… what chargers and --

AUSTIN: What?

ALI: Oh people do that.

AUSTIN: They call them what?

ALI, JACK and KEITH: Leads.

AUSTIN: Really?

KEITH: Yeah, which is the same thing they call like, headphone jacks and like chargers.

JACK: [laughing] Th -- they call.

KEITH: Yeah.

ALI: Well what’s the…?

ART: Is it a slam on the city of Leeds?

JACK: No, it’s different -- it’s spelled [laughs] --

AUSTIN: Well how do you spell it?

ALI: No, it’s -- the dog leads --

KEITH: L-E-A-D-S.

ART: Ah.

AUSTIN: Okay. Time out, time out. Leashes.

KEITH: Yeah. Leashes, yeah.

AUSTIN: Leashes, not leeches.

ART: Ah, leashes. Not leeches. Okay.

KEITH: Ohhh, yeah. Dog leashes.

ALI: Oh. [laughs]

AUSTIN: Now I’m 100% with you. We call them --

KEITH: Yeah, yeah. You’re talking --

ART: [overlapping] Leeches…

[Ali laughs]

JACK: [overlapping] No, we call them -- We still use them --

AUSTIN: I was like, why would you call them leads? I guess you could… guess they c-- [Keith laughs] Guess it… bleeds without the B I guess… [everyone laughs]

ALI: What happened to that video of the dog who just kept knocking into things? Was that a dog or a person?

AUSTIN: I don’t wanna see that dog, that dog is so sad. Did someone put a box on its head?

ALI: [laughs] It’s so fucking…

JACK: Oh, the sight dog. Oh I see this. Austin’s hatred of… Not hatred. Austin’s sadness for sad dogs --

AUSTIN: It’s hatred. It’s hatred.

JACK: It’s hatred. Oh, is it hatred? [laughs]

ALI: I thought we had a good time the last time we watched that video.

JACK: It’s very --

AUSTIN: I feel so bad for that dog!

ALI: [overlapping] We were all laughing. [laughs] We were all laughing!

KEITH: Wait, Austin’s hatred of sad dogs, I thought it’s --

JACK: [overlapping] It’s one of my favorite characteristics of Austin.

KEITH: I thought it was whining cats that you didn’t like, or is it both.

AUSTIN: It’s any animal --

JACK: [overlapping] Oh no --

AUSTIN: [overlapping] It’s any -- I, it’s anything. It’s anything that’s sad.

JACK: [overlapping] It’s old dogs as well, right. You don’t like to see old dogs.

ALI: [overlapping] He just doesn’t like to see any d-- animal in distress.

AUSTIN: I don’t like to see people in distress either!

KEITH: Hold on. [laughs] Hold on. Wait.

AUSTIN: The thing with animals is that I feel like there’s a responsibility to make them not sad. Unlike people --

KEITH: [overlapping] Yeah.

AUSTIN: [laughs] who should go to fucking ass -- [Ali laughs] No. Like, it’s hard for me to see things that are sad, and it’s especially hard for me to see animals who are confused, or sad, or hungry, or being teased, because [desperately] they’re so small…

[Ali and Keith laugh]

AUSTIN: [laughs] -- and don’t have thumbs or technology -- [Keith laughs]

ALI: It’s true.

AUSTIN: --or the awareness that they’re being s-- like, I wanna take care of… animals. [Ali laughs]

KEITH: Yeah.

JACK: But watching a YouTube video --

KEITH: But here’s the thing -- The only problem is that you’re -- there’s, there are times when I’m watching a video and I’m like, oh this -- here’s a cat, the cat’s just being a cat, and then you’ll be like, um, ‘Oh my god this cat is so sad!’ I’m like, what are you -- what, what?!

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: You can’t sense it? You -- oh god. The worst one for me is food. The worst one for me is when someone teases an animal that like, with food, and if that video ends without that person giving them food, I’m not saying that the, that it’s like mistreatment, I’m not saying like call the SPCA, but it hurts me to not see the catharsis of the animal getting the treat, like, [Jack hums] like deeply.

ALI: [laughing] Aww. Yeah…

AUSTIN: It’s mean. It’s mean-spirited. [laughs]

JACK: I’m watching a 46 second long video called ‘The World’s Happiest Dog.’

ALI: Wow.

AUSTIN: You know, counter this, here’s, here’s -- I don’t feel this way. I like dogs roughhousing with people.

JACK: Oh yeah, that’s, that’s good.

AUSTIN: Like I saw a guy down the block the other day where the dog was like, jumping up on him, and like, biting at his arms, and playing with him that way. And I know, some people see that and think it looks like, violent, and like, can be really hard to watch, I like seeing that, it feels like, it just feels playful and it reminds me of having a dog when I was growing up, and like that doesn’t bug me much. Or like, you know. Seeing a cat play with someone’s hand like it’s food doesn’t bug me at all, um, but like --

ALI: Whereas peo -- Yeah.

AUSTIN: Yeah. So.

JACK: How do you feel about videos where, uh, a cat falls into a bath?

[Keith laughs]

AUSTIN: Depends on the reaction. Also cats --

ALI: Um, it’s kind of almost four o’clock.

AUSTIN: [overlapping] Cats need to ba -- Yeah.

JACK: Oh yeah. We should st --

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: Is there any questions.

JACK: To quote Ali: let’s go to time.is.

AUSTIN: Okay. Let’s go clap.

[Ali laughs]

AUSTIN: What’s your hard out, Art?

ART: I do not have a hard out, I have a soft out of um, 4 pm here.

AUSTIN: Okay, so in three hours. Uh, let’s clap at, uhh -- ten after?

ALI: Five after?

AUSTIN: No let’s do ten after that way you get ten free seconds -- let’s do fifteen after, I’m gonna start doing a ten second, so we have ten seconds of silence on every call, that way you definitely have ten seconds right away, of -- quiet. So let’s do, [someone claps] let’s do twenty five.

[Ali, Art and Keith start laughing]

ALI: Never do joke claps.

AUSTIN: Well.

[clap]

KEITH: Hold up my clap doesn’t count as a joke clap, I was told to clap --

ART: [overlapping] I don’t think that counts as a joke clap?

[EPISODE END]