Transcriber: Cy @vlasdygoth
AUSTIN: Yeah, yeah.
JANINE: Why— [clears throat] what am I thinking of where there's— it's like a game or a media property where there's an eyeball with bat wings that flies around? [cross talk] What is that from?
AUSTIN: [cross talk] I have the same thing, I have the same thing in my head, what is this?
SYLVI: [cross talk] Yeah…
JACK: Is it um…
AUSTIN: Are we about to tell on ourselves?
JACK: It's not Doom, right?
SYLVI: No, this is just like… [cross talk] There's a lot of… aesthetic stuff with this.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] No… I guess there's a lot of this.
KEITH: Monster Hunter?
AUSTIN: No, there's like a— Janine and I have the same one in our heads. I wanna say, I don't know what it is. People are gonna tell us things.
JANINE: I'm just keep getting makeup looks.
AUSTIN: I know people are gonna be like oh, this is from a cartoon you've never watched, Austin, [DRE laughs] this is from Gravity Falls!
SYLVI: Yeah, that's— I, I know it's not Gravity Falls, just from the demographic here.
JANINE: Is it Monster Hunter or something— not Monster, sorry not Monster Hunter, um, Monster Rancher?
KEITH: [cross talk] Are you thinking, are you thinking of slime… slum…
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Is that what we're doing, are we doing—
JANINE: I don't know.
AUSTIN: No, we're not talking about— Suezo, yes.
KEITH: [cross talk] Suezo! Yeah, Suezo.
JANINE: [cross talk] No…
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Not slum— Slumbous!
SYLVI: Suezo's got a tail.
AUSTIN: Yeah, Suezo's got a tail. But oh my god…
JANINE: It doesn't have a mouth, right, it's just an eyeball with bat wings.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] It's just a little eyeball with like, stick arms.
KEITH: [cross talk] Is it House of the Dead? Is it the little House of the Dead guy from the beginning of House of the Dead?
DRE: Uh, is it Mike Wazowski?
KEITH: Is it Mike Wazowski?
[AUSTIN hums]
ALI: [laughing] It might be Mike Wazowski…
JACK: [cross-talk] It might be Mike Wazowski!
AUSTIN: It's not, I've never seen that, so that's not me.
ALI: But you've seen Mike Wazowski!
JACK: You know what Mike Wazowski looks like!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Who's that. [KEITH laughs] Is that Billy Crystal?
ALI: [cross talk] C'mon.
KEITH: [cross talk] I love your new character, guy who refuses to acknowledge Mike Wazowski!
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Who's Mike. I don't know any Mikes. I've never met a Mike.
DRE: [cross talk] And if I did, it'd be on sight.
SYLVI: [cross talk] I don't even know what I'm talking into right now.
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Yeah, what is this? It'd be on sight for Mike. Uh, it's fine, we're not gonna— I'm not gonna google "eyeball with bat wings" and actually get the image out of my fucking head.
KEITH: [cross talk] What color is it?
JANINE: [cross talk] I did, and none of it helped.
AUSTIN: No, I did the same thing is what I'm saying.
ART: Am I—
JACK: Is it, does it have like a little tail?
AUSTIN: It could.
JANINE: It could.
JACK: Cause I think I am now picturing some sort of similar…
AUSTIN: This is a bad game we're playing, this mental game.
JANINE: Is it Kirby? Is that, is that a thing in Kirby?
JACK: Is it Mike Wazowski?
AUSTIN: Oh it— [DRE laughs] It might be— It might be! No.
JANINE: Oh! Is it Castlevania flying eyes which sometimes have tails?
AUSTIN: No…
SYLVI: That might be it for me.
JANINE: [cross talk] From Castlevania?
DRE: I feel like I also know what you're talking about, and I cannot…
KEITH: Does it have a mouth? Or is it just…
AUSTIN: [cross talk] In my— it's like a very, no, no mouth, mine is like, super simplistic. Mine is like, a very simple like, cartoon eyeball, you could draw it in black and white, and, I don't know. I don't know! I don't know.
[00:02:33]
[interlude chime]
AUSTIN: I'm back.
JACK: Hi.
AUSTIN: I don't think it's any of these eyes… [JACK laughs] Mine is like a little comic book eye, or not a comic book, but like… [sighs]
JACK: Is it from Persona?
AUSTIN: No. It's not from—
JACK: Is it from Shin Megami Tensei?
AUSTIN: No, it has no color. It's a black sketch, it's like nothing, it's like—
JACK: Oh, is it from Berserk?
AUSTIN: I'm look— Jack, I'm at "Berserk eyeball with wings" currently, it's not.
KEITH: Wow.
AUSTIN: It's too— the Berserk version would be too complicated, there's some stuff in Berserk that's close, but we're, I'm talking about like… a nothing little drawing. Some of the fairy stuff in Berserk is close.
KEITH: Is this a drawing that a friend from elementary school doodled in a notebook?
[JACK and JANINE laugh]
AUSTIN: No, no, no one had talent.
[DRE and KEITH laugh]
JACK: No one had talent in your elementary school?
DRE: Yeah, fuck 'em!
KEITH: Shots fired!
DRE: Fuck 'em! Let 'em know!
AUSTIN: No, no no. Me either! I drew a lot, I was terrible. [typing] Little cartoon eye with wings.
[laughter]
KEITH: This is gonna be the rest of your life.
AUSTIN: [sighs] [typing] Wings and legs also.
JACK: Have you tried—
SYLVI: Oh, it had legs, okay.
AUSTIN: Yeah it had legs, it had arms, it had little like—
DRE: [cross talk] Was it yellow? I feel like that's what I'm thinking of, okay.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] It was like a stick figure eye. No, it was nothing. It was, it was black, it was a black and white drawing. [typing] Eye creature. Stick figure eye creature. No, it's none of these.
JACK: Have you tried putting "please show me" in front? That's a google hack, that.
DRE: That'll help.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] [typing] Please show me… an eye with wings. It's not. Art, are you back? Art's… if you're saying things, we cannot hear you, Art. It's weird that you've posted this eyeball creature, but not— no words are coming out of your mouth.
[DRE laughs]
JACK: He's just hanging out in another room, playing with Mabel!
AUSTIN: In my mind it's like some— y'know, if you told me that it was like from the Castlevania NES manual, do you know what I mean? Like.
DRE: [cross talk] Yeah.
JANINE: Yeah… yeah. [cross talk] I think that's what I mean.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Yeah I thought so Art, sorry. Yeah…
JANINE: With the, that's what I, that's what I'm also feeling. It feels… it feels so generic.
AUSTIN: It's not on this list, but it so easily could be. But it's not, it's cooler than any of these!
KEITH: This eye sounds awesome.
AUSTIN: It's not, its a little cutie.
JANINE: [cross talk] I love Freddie, oh my god, look at Freddie!
AUSTIN: Where's Freddie at, oh, Freddie's great!
JANINE: Freddie!
KEITH: You did say that it was cooler than any of these—
JANINE: [cross talk] He's a, he's from Face Off.
KEITH: And that it was so good that no one at school could've drawn it.
JACK: They didn't, quote, "Have the talent."
AUSTIN: It had character. [laughter] Art, I have not heard you since, since we went to break. When did Art last talk?
DRE: Oh.
KEITH: Before break, right before the break. Like right before the break, I think.
JANINE: Yeah.
JACK: This panic at the discord interspersed by the eye monsters…
SYLVI: [cross talk] Oh, the…
AUSTIN: Uh oh.
SYLVI: Uh oh.
AUSTIN: Uh oh!
JANINE: Uh, hm.
DRE: Oh, this is the one, I finally found the one I was thinking of.
KEITH: Have you looked at, Art, have you looked at your Audacity?
AUSTIN: [cross talk] That's Suezo.
SYLVI: [cross talk] That's Suezo, yeah!
KEITH: [cross talk] That's Suezo.
JANINE: Yeah, what, that's Suezo.
ART: Hello?
KEITH: [cross talk] Hi, Art.
JACK: Hi!
SYLVI: Hey, there we are.
JANINE: [cross talk] Hey, there you are.
DRE: [cross talk] This is Suezo.
ART: I—
AUSTIN: That's Suezo.
SYLVI: They're from Monster Hunter.
KEITH: They're from Monster Rancher.
DRE: Oh, okay.
KEITH: Art, what's the deal?
ART: Um, it looks like my headphone adapter turned off the, the microphone button on my mixer.
KEITH: Oh, okay.
AUSTIN: Oh, that's not so bad. That's not so bad, that's not so bad. Little eyeball guy. [cross talk] I'm not getting anything. It's not showing up.
DRE: [cross talk] Alright, it's not the Terraria eyeball, 'cause that's just an eyeball.
SYLVI: Suezo was the best part of that anime. Shoutouts to Suezo.
AUSTIN: I don't— yeah.
KEITH: We love you Suezo!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh, the Terraria eyeball is creepy, I forgot about this thing.
JANINE: [cross talk] I had a— I have a—
DRE: [cross talk] Is it a Digimon? Are there any Digimon that look like that?
SYLVI: There's definitely at least one.
DRE: Okay.
JANINE: Wasn't Suezo like a bootleg Gilbert Gottfried?
SYLVI: I think… maybe a little bit with the voice? I remember…
JANINE: Or like a bootleg Meowth, I guess, actually maybe.
SYLVI: It was more Meowth vibes, for sure. Yeah.
JANINE: But, what is Meowth if not a bootleg Gilbert Gottfried.
SYLVI: Well now we're getting into xerox of a xerox territory.
AUSTIN: Huh. Yeah, things are falling apart here. Suezo. Voice?
SYLVI: The Suezo of Theseus.
AUSTIN: Yeah, this is an off brand Meowth, you're not wrong.
JANINE: Mmhm.
AUSTIN: I'm trying to find a good… Monster Rancher, here we go. Wow, a lot of Monster Rancher is just on Youtube.
DRE: That doesn't surprise me.
AUSTIN: Would y'all want the link to 'Suezo's Secret Weapon', or 'Furred Suezo's M-1 Grand Prix Hero'?
JANINE: What?
DRE: [cross talk] Is one of them racing?
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh my god, this intro. One second.
JANINE: That last one sounds like a Kingdom Hearts game.
AUSTIN: We got a— we're gonna do Suezo's Secret Weapons, count me in on this somebody.
SYLVI: Oh.
AUSTIN: Very important that we listen to this all together as a group.
DRE: [cross talk] Oh, okay okay.
JANINE: [cross talk] Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
DRE: I wasn't gonna, but.
KEITH: Yeah, yeah, ready.
AUSTIN: Are we ready? Are we good?
JANINE: Yeah, yeah.
AUSTIN: Three, two, one, go. [laughs]
DRE: Oh, okay.
SYLVI: It's so good!
JANINE: I remember this, I remember this.
AUSTIN: Yeah!
JANINE: [cross talk] I feel like I watched this recently.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] The evil who?
DRE: Sounded like he said "evil moo".
KEITH: The evil rule?
JANINE: The evil Mu, yeah, I think it's M-U?
AUSTIN: Oh, M-U, sure.
JACK: This is in stereo!
KEITH: Monsters rule.
AUSTIN: Yeah!
JANINE: Wow.
SYLVI: Oh, I'm so happy right now.
AUSTIN: Right, there were big disks, right, remember?
SYLVI: Yeah!
JANINE: [cross talk] Yeah!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Huge stone disks!
KEITH: Oh, 'cause you could put discs in your PS1.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh look at that guy! Yes.
KEITH: [cross talk] Oh, I like that guy! I like this little uh, armadillo.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JANINE: And they're trying to get a phoenix, right? Like it's—
AUSTIN: Ohhh…
JANINE: Like, they're trying to find a specific disk?
AUSTIN: Maybe. Now we're in this place.
DRE: Man.
JACK: I really like theme songs that just tell you what happens in the show.
[AUSTIN laughs]
JANINE: Yeah…
SYLVI: Yeah, this…
AUSTIN: Oh, right, I forgot, he had roller blades! [cross talk] Alright, time for Suezo.
JANINE: [cross talk] Yeah!
DRE: [cross talk] Eminem been real quiet since Monster Rancher theme dropped.
[AUSTIN laughs]
KEITH: Monsters rule.
AUSTIN: Are we gonna hear Suezo's voice?
ART: [cross talk] Are we gonna watch 21 minutes of this?
AUSTIN: Yeah, settle in. I know we have a little bit of time left, but. We gotta at least listen up until Suezo talks.
[laughter]
ART: I got de-synced because of a youtube ad, [cross talk] so I'm in sort of a no-man's-land.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh, I'm sorry. We're at one— we're coming up at 1:20.
JANINE: This intro music background music is very Legend of the Seeker to me.
AUSTIN: It is. For all you Seekerheads out there.
SYLVI: I like this weird plant thing.
AUSTIN: Lil belt on him, it's cute!
SYLVI: Yeah! What up, Mu?
AUSTIN: Look at this, look at this cool like, ship!
SYLVI: Yeah, Monster Rancher's—
AUSTIN: There he is! [laughs] Did ProZD do this voice? [laughter] Is this ProZD's annoying character voice?
JANINE: Oh, god.
SYLVI: "I swear he gets better!"
[DRE and JANINE laugh]
AUSTIN: "I swear he gets better," that's exactly the voice! "I'm peeing and pooping myself!" It's that guy!
DRE??: [raspy ProZD Annoying Character voice] "At the same time!"
AUSTIN: [laughs] Okay we're good! Wow.
SYLVI: I will say, I have vivid memories of that specific sequence where he— the big rock guy, throws Suezo up in the air, and I was like woah, wait, I've seen this!
JANINE: [cross talk] I feel like he did it so often! It was like the thing.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Ubisoft got it from this.
SYLVI: [cross talk] Yeah, that was like Suezo's contribution to the group if I'm remembering right.
AUSTIN: Right, right. Sure! Alright, we can go back to doing our own storytelling.
[00:09:51]
[interlude chime]
KEITH: I love LG phones, I won't get an LG washer-dryer, 'cause I won't get a washer-dryer that sings a little song when it's done? I think it's pandering.
DRE: [cross talk] Oh, it does do that.
ALI: [cross talk] Why?!
SYLVI: [cross talk] What, why?
ART: [cross talk] Yeah, what?
KEITH: I think it's pandering, I don't like it.
DRE: That's fair.
ALI: [cross talk] Pandering??
JACK:[cross talk] Pandering to who?
KEITH: Yeah, it's pandering, it's looking down on me.
[SYLVI laughs]
JANINE: [cross talk] That just makes me think my rice is done.
ART: [cross talk] I wish everything had that— yeah, my rice cooker does it.
ALI: Ah!
ART: So every time the clothes are dry, it's like oh, maybe there's rice in there.
JANINE: Too much rice!
KEITH: I don't need to be condescended to before I eat my rice.
AUSTIN: Keith, are you sure that you're not just saying this because you have a longtime agreement with Nantucket Nectars, and that will be the only brand that you sell out for?
ALI: Oh, maybe.
KEITH: No, 'cause I also—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Is it Pirate Booty, also.
KEITH: [cross talk] It's also Pirate Booty, I am willing to sell out for Pirate's booty.
[JACK laughs]
JANINE: Maybe they should start makin' phones.
KEITH: I would buy the Pirate Booty phone, especially if it ran on a Windows phone.
JANINE: [cross talk] Pirate Booty Android phone with headphone jack?
JACK: Wait, hang on! Keith, why is it condescending when the washing machine sings a little song to you, break this down for me.
[SYLVI continues laughing]
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Do you also dislike R2D2?
KEITH: [cross talk] It was 800 dollars! It's a 800 dollar machine and there's like, one cent's worth of electronics that sings me a little song—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] So your actual problem is that it doesn't sing enough to you, for the money.
SYLVI: [laughing] Oh my…
KEITH: Yeah, if it sounded a lot better and if it was a better song, I might be like, well they put a little effort—
JACK: [cross talk] Keith wants like a full orchestral!
KEITH: They just— You cannot just shit out a little monotone song to me, and have me be like impressed by that.
[SYLVI laughs]
ART: Oh I definitely get polyphonic sound.
DRE: Yeah.
ALI: Yeah, it's pleasant.
KEITH: Is it polyphonic?
AUSTIN: [cross talk] [typing] LG… washer dryer…
KEITH: No, I've never heard a polyphonic one— [cross talk] Maybe the—
ALI: [cross talk] Yeah!
JACK: Mine has a choir.
[laughter]
KEITH: See that, see that I would do! I would listen to that. I've only heard it go like, [high pitched] beedle dee boop, boodledoodle boop boop boop! And then it's, that's like my impression of the kind of song that it would sing.
ALI: What's wrong with that?
KEITH: I— it cost 800 dollars!
JANINE: Is it—
ART: I don't think you're paying for the song?
AUSTIN: Yeah.
DRE: [cross talk] No, you're paying for like, the steam washing.
ALI: [cross talk] Yeah!
KEITH: I just don't think that the quality of the song matches the price of the machine.
JANINE: Okay but—
ALI: I just feel like… 800 dollars is how much you pay for a washing machine.
JANINE: Yeah, like I'm pretty sure—
KEITH: I got my washing machine for free from—
ALI: [laughs] Okay.
JANINE: I'm pretty sure the washer-dryer that we have was probably like 800 bucks for each one, and the thing it does is beebeebeep, beebeebeep. Every five minutes.
KEITH: [cross talk] There we go, love that.
JANINE: [cross talk] So I would rather have the music, frankly.
JACK: [cross talk] That's worse, Keith! Yeah!
KEITH: Here, okay.
AUSTIN: I—
JACK: How is that not more condescending?
AUSTIN: I truly have found someone who is like, this is actually like, taken Keith's disdain and found a way to like, sharpen it into a hard knife? If anyone wants this link to this article, 'Singing Appliances and Reproductive Labor,' You just let me know.
[laughter]
KEITH: [cross talk] Yes.
JACK: [cross talk] Oh my God.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] That notes that the song that LG plays has been identified as uh, [reading] "an English folk tune, the Lincolnshire Poacher, which was set for voice and piano by Benjamin Britten in the mid 20th century—"
JACK: Uh huh!
AUSTIN: "They're similar— there's similarities between the two but they're not identical, 'loosely based on' is the more accurate attribution. This tune has a history as a work song, though work of a very different sort: it has been a marching song for various British and American military regiments." This shit goes hard, I'm gonna send this to Keith right away—
JANINE: Huh!
KEITH: [cross talk] Thank you!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Keith, you're about to feel very good.
KEITH: I've always felt whatever this article is about to tell me in my bones when I've heard this song.
[AUSTIN and SYLVI laugh]
AUSTIN: You've always felt that the LG work song, or the LG washer song was—!
JACK: The LG work song!
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Was uh, was misogynistic fundamentally, right?
KEITH: Yep. Yeah, always.
AUSTIN: Okay good, good. Yeah.
KEITH: God!
AUSTIN: [reading] "Recoding the bad feelings we have about oppression into good feelings about brands, these jaunty melodies take on yet another dimension of reproductive labor we disproportionately shove off on women, especially women of color."
KEITH: And I've gotta say, I totally agree! [laughter] I gotta say I totally agree with that!
AUSTIN: Oh, the internet!
JANINE: [cross talk] That was the thing from the thing from the start was, was all that!
KEITH: [cross talk] Here's the thing! The beat—
SYLVI: [cross talk] Tweeting "they always gave me bad vibes" about LG.
KEITH: Three quick beeps—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag!
KEITH: Three quick beeps, it's extremely functional, it's all I need, I don't need my extremely expensive—
AUSTIN: Keith's a brutalist about, about the washing drying songs that he needs in his life.
JANINE: Okay but, here's— okay.
DRE: [cross talk] But then why do you have a washing machine at all? You should just wash it in your tub.
ALI: See?
JANINE: What if, [cross talk] your washing machine—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] That's a different thing, that's not brutalism.
JANINE: When it was done, pumped out an extremely high quality FLAC of a song that you like.
[JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: This is the actual thing! He would be— yes.
KEITH: Yeah! Again, and again, yeah, that's— if you put a little effort into it as a feature, the idea that— that okay so on the LG thing, right—
JANINE: [cross talk] Terrible at washing clothes, but the speakers, mwah.
KEITH: [cross talk] Austin, you said that yeah, here it is in the article, [reading] "The playful sounds of LG home appliances," these songs are dogshit! [AUSTIN laughs] These are absolutely not impressive orchestrations at all.
AUSTIN: Someone I just saw said that it sounded like a Majora's Mask song to them, and I like Majora's Mask songs!
KEITH: But again, the quality of music you're getting out of a Majora's Mask is much higher than what you're getting out of these!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Alright we're gonna listen to it, one second… Well, this one's from 2012, I gotta get a recent one, I don't wanna get this, we gotta get a 2021 song… LG washing machine type beat.
JANINE: [cross talk] Can you get it off of Tidal or something?
AUSTIN: LG— [laughs] I, yeah. I'll do my best.
ALI: This is extremely Keith just making up a guy to be mad at. There's no one going to the store and just—
KEITH: [cross talk] No, I'm the mad guy! I'm the mad guy.
ALI: [laughs] True! But there's no one going to the store and being like, I'm going to buy the LG because of the song, like that's not happening.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] I think this is it.
KEITH: [cross talk] No, I'm not mad at the people buying the LGs, I'm mad at LG for… pretending that this is a feature.
ART: It's not, if you look at the LG website for any washer-dryer, on the bullet points there is not, "plays a jaunty tune when it's done."
JACK: [cross talk] [laughs] Nice song!
KEITH: They have a little page on their website that's like, here are our fun appliance songs!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh wow, wait, I found some culture. We're in it now, baby! Okay.
JANINE: Oh my god, what?
JACK: [cross talk] Oh my god, what—
AUSTIN: We're in it now.
JACK: Austin, can you describe what…
AUSTIN: Uh, I've linked a video called 'Washer and Violin Orchestra, LG Healthy Home Solutions' that's up— uploaded by LG Electronics Malaysia! "What does a clean and healthy home sound like?" And it is a picture of two uh, beautiful little white girls playing stringed instruments, playing violins while sitting on their washer-dryer set.
DRE: [cross talk] Oh…
JANINE: [cross talk] Uh huh! And??
AUSTIN: And then— what, and then it jumps to a, acapella group, singing…
DRE: Uh huh…
JANINE: Uh huh!!
AUSTIN: I'm still watching it.
DRE: No, me too.
AUSTIN: And then what? And then it's… what're those called?
DRE: Oh, what are those called?
JANINE: A piano what you blow into, I don't know.
SYLVI: [cross talk] That's a melodica.
DRE: [cross talk] The melodica.
AUSTIN: Yeah, the piano you blow into, a melodica, thank you, and then— oh wow there's a rock one in here, huh!
DRE: Oh, wow.
JACK: I hate this.
JANINE: Uh huh…
KEITH: And, and, can I— I feel like I was early on hating this.
AUSTIN: But yeah, but this is different.
ART: I don't wanna call you a liar, but this website you're saying, I can't find it.
KEITH: [cross talk] I think maybe the link is old.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Janine, is there something I've missed here?
JANINE: No, I was responding to the acapella group. [cross talk] The acapella group after the little girls was a real one-two.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Yeah, I thought it was bad. OH yeah, it's wild, I mean they're doing a perfectly fine job.
JANINE: I… yeah, but they're an acapella group.
AUSTIN: It's just not for me, yeah.
JANINE: By definition.
AUSTIN: Yeah, uh huh. Yeah. Game Block says, "Best ad ever, I will never skip this kind of ad, lol." This is the thing is, if you scratch at all on any sort of branded thing you like even a little bit, you will find the worst shit, it's like, it's like a scratch off ticket, it's all right there. So you just have to enjoy your little song, and accept that it's good for you while you do your wash, and then move on, because otherwise you will find someone doing an acapella version, and find out that they were paid, y'know, 20 cents by LG to do it. If anything.
JACK: One washing machine company plays like a single note version of Schubert's song The Trout, except it plays the full song? Like the full four, uh, like phrase thing? And it's bizarre.
AUSTIN: Incredible.
JACK: It's like what if the washing machine song lasted 45 seconds, and played every time.
[SYLVI groans]
AUSTIN: See, that sounds great. Fuck me up, fam.
JANINE: What about— okay, what about washing, why aren't we at the stage of washing machines where we get to pick like our favorite Nokia ringtone.
AUSTIN: I would love that! Custom song.
DRE: Mmhm.
JANINE: Like, you get to pick—
ALI: [cross talk] That's what Keith was asking for.
JANINE: I wanna pick like, like, funky 0-2 for my washing machine chime.
[JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: Yeah!
KEITH: And I, I would say, I would call that a real feature that a washing machine could have?
DRE: Mhm?
KEITH: Not condescending.
ART: I— wholly disagree, I think that would be a horrible— if anyone's putting that in their features list, I think they've failed making a washer-dryer!
KEITH:[cross talk] I don't think it's a good feature. I don't think it's a particularly good feature, but I don't think it's, I don't think it's an insultingly— I just don't wanna be— I can't, I just, I can't explain it any better than…
AUSTIN: This is a very Keith Carberry… feeling.
ART: I want all the features to be about washing and/or drying.
JACK: [cross talk] [laughs] What about a little song?
AUSTIN: [cross talk] No, again, Keith would accept a song, if the song were good.
KEITH: Right!
AUSTIN: For instance if it were this cover of the Devil Went Down to Georgia set to a washing machine's internal thumps? Which, it keeps perfect time.
KEITH: Oh I've seen that, that's great, I love that. Yeah, I've seen that. Um, but yeah, so it—
ART: Well, the song's playing after the thing is done, so the thumps aren't there.
AUSTIN: Right, right right.
KEITH: [cross talk] It's— it's plagiarized, it's not even a good plagiarization, it's not, it's not a high quality sound? Like it's really harsh to listen to the little song.
AUSTIN: The beeps, the little beeps that you're talking about.
KEITH: Yeah.
ART: [cross talk] The purpose— the purpose of the public domain is that you can't plagiarize from it.
KEITH: …Compose your own music, LG.
AUSTIN: Oh my god. Hire Jack de Quidt to compose the next great washer-dryer song.
KEITH: Hey, if they're payin'.
JACK: My fee is three hundred thousand dollars.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] That's nothing.
KEITH: [cross talk] And I think that's fair! I think that's fair.
SYLVI: Yeah, yeah!
ART: I think that's too low.
[JANINE laughs]
SYLVI: Yeah, you could, that's—
JACK: My fee is four million dollars!
ART: There you go!
KEITH: Take, take a hundred thousand—
AUSTIN: I want you to guess, I want you to guess what their assets are. Or wait actually I don't have the actual number, one second, let me get, let me get their actual number here.
SYLVI: Oh god.
ALI: Wait, I have a question.
AUSTIN: Yeah, mhm?
ALI: How much do you think Skype paid Paul McCartney for the emoji song?
[SYLVI laughs]
JACK: [cross talk] Oh!
JANINE: [cross talk] A full milli. A full milli!
KEITH: Six million dollars. I think six million dollars.
ALI: Okay!
ART: Well there's more music there than there would be in a washing machine tone.
SYLVI: [cross talk] Is it, though?
JANINE: [cross talk] Also, are you separating out the promotional material? I bet like, is that added on, like all the videos that he recorded for that, like here's Paul McCartney!
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Yeah, that's all extra. If I'm— yeah.
JANINE: Recording the sexy turtle song!
AUSTIN: If I'm McCartney's agent, I'm getting a mil per video, a hundred percent.
ALI: Oh, sure.
AUSTIN: Paul McCartney? The Beatles?? Have you heard?
KEITH: The Beatles. [ALI laughs] There's nothing, there is nothing left of the Beatles but Paul McCartney, as far as anyone's concerned. Sorry Ringo Starr, but it's true.
AUSTIN: Wow!
SYLVI: Ringo Starr's been erased from existence.
KEITH: Hey, I'm the Ringo Starr apologist that I know.
ALI: Oh?
KEITH: But—
JANINE: Is Harrison still around? Or did he…
AUSTIN: [cross talk] No, he died recently.
KEITH: [cross talk] No, he died of cancer in the early 2000s I think?
AUSTIN: Yeah. Here we go, I did a search to see if there were any Ringo Starr emoji videos, and there aren't, but this person on Deviantart made a Ringo Starr out of emojis!
SYLVI: No!
[ALI gasps]
KEITH: What— I gotta—
SYLVI: [cross talk] Oh no!
JANINE: [cross talk] You, you can't! No—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] It doesn't look like Ringo Starr at all to me.
JANINE: You're not allowed to put outlines around it! You're not allowed to put outlines around collages! [KEITH laughs] That's also— they're all cut, too, they're cut on the edges! There's like, the emojis, they're clipped off, you can't do that!
KEITH: [cross talk] It's mixed media! It's not a collage, it's mixed media.
JANINE: No, this is like a, this is like a Kid Pix Studio brush!
[AUSTIN laughs]
KEITH: [laughs] Yeah, it is! I think that there's a quality to the hair that makes it look like a hood, and that takes away a lot from…
AUSTIN: I was going to say, it looks so much like someone wearing a hood or a veil. Right?
KEITH: Yeah. Yeah. But it's actually just his hair. But it's, it's really orange, which is not ever the color that his hair has been.
JANINE: Why did— yeah, why didn't they make the orange—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] That's not the shape his hair has ever been!
JANINE: [cross talk] The turtleneck should be orange and the black part should be the hair, shouldn't it?
AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
ALI: They took some creative liberties.
KEITH: Yeah, by adding a lot of pumpkins to it. [ALI laughs] Wh— okay. Here's the thing. There is nothing better about Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da than there is about Octopus' Garden.
AUSTIN: Oh my god, are we doing this? No. We're not doing this.
ALI: Can we start?
[laughter]
AUSTIN: Yeah, please, we only have a limited amount of time in our lives. Also tonight—
JACK: That's a good tweet though, Austin. I like that tweet.
AUSTIN: [reading] "I know I am J trippy day trip in day trip in they TripIt day trip in. Today Day Tripper." Sunflower sunflower sunflower sunflower, "can you send love peace and love," cool guy, peace, star exploding, heart star, music, flower, uh, and then, I—
KEITH: We n—
AUSTIN: Yeah? What's up?
KEITH: "We need a firmware update in the form of coffee."
[JACK laughs]
AUSTIN: God.
JACK: Jack Wendig!
AUSTIN: Uh huh. Fuck off, alright.
ART: I mean, just imagine being Ringo Starr in the year 2016 and not being just high all the time, I mean? God bless him.
AUSTIN: [laughs] Yeah. Oh, the best of us.
KEITH: [cross talk] Do we know he's not?
JANINE: [cross talk] Gotta do something with your Shining Time Station money.
[AUSTIN laughs]
ART: And the Beatles money.
AUSTIN: No, he lost all that by investing in that train station.
JANINE: By being on Shining Time Station.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
ART: He spent a lot of money on those costumes!
KEITH: And then, then there's that weird thing about Michael Jackson sort of surreptitiously buying all the rights to their songs out from under them?
AUSTIN: Yeah, that did happen, right?
JANINE: That did happen.
KEITH: Yeah. Paul McCartney was like yeah, you should invest in buying the rights to peoples' songs, and then Michael Jackson went and bought all the rights to the Beatles songs from their label without them knowing, or something weird like that.
ART: And Paul McCartney tried to terminate the copyright, and then the record label paid a bunch of money, so let's not pretend that Paul McCartney's doing bad!
KEITH: Oh no, not Paul McCartney, just Ringo Starr I think. I mean I'm sure he still has millions and millions of dollars, but.
AUSTIN: Probably, yeah. You have to imagine. Anyway, we're gonna do a podcast now, let's time.is.
ART: He spent a lot of time touring with his All-Starr Band.
AUSTIN: … The Beatles?
ART: No, Ringo Starr and His All-Starr Band was a touring act in like, [KEITH laughs] the 90s and 2000s, I didn't make this up, I'm, I'm telling you.
AUSTIN: Who was in it?
KEITH: The All Starrs!
ART: [cross talk] I don't know, people less famous than Ringo Starr!
JANINE: If you have—
AUSTIN: I just wanna know, I'm on Ringo Starr's wiki, and I searched for All Star, and it comes up once in the main text, and then twice as a reference? And there's no reference anywhere in here— there's nothing clickable, I can't go to a page for the All-Starr Band!
KEITH: Oh, under 'Associated Acts' you can go to Ringo Starr and His All-Starr Band, it is linked.
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Where… Oh, did I not expand it?
KEITH: [cross talk] Members… Oh, everyone has a wiki page, but Steve Luthaker—
AUSTIN: [cross talk] Oh, it's All hyphen Starr, I see.
KEITH: Gregg Rolie, Colin Hay.
AUSTIN: I'm not looking any of these people up.
KEITH: Hamish Stuart, Warren Ham, and Gregg Bissonette!
AUSTIN: Great.
KEITH: Gregg with two G's.
JANINE: [cross talk] [reading] "If you have good thoughts…"
ART: [cross talk] And some of the, some of the touring members are big deal people, there's some big deal people here!
JANINE: "They will shine out of your face, like sunbeams, and you will always look lovely."
AUSTIN: That's the quote for the day.
JANINE: Time.is quote of the day.
AUSTIN: 27 seconds.
KEITH: I thought maybe that was a Ringo Starr lyric.
AUSTIN: 27!
ART: He got Clarence Clemons.
ALI: [cross talk] Wait, no no no stop—
[clap]
AUSTIN: No one?
SYLVI: [cross talk] Jesus Christ.
ALI: I wasn't even on time.is!
SYLVI: I didn't even know we were cla— what the time was!
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: I said it. 40 seconds!
[claps]
DRE: Shit, I missed it.
AUSTIN: Alright, 50 seconds.
[clap]
AUSTIN: Did you say Clarence Clemons was in the All-Starr Band?
ART: I did! In 1989!
ALI: [cross talk] We have to start.
AUSTIN: He could do better.
ALI: It's time!
AUSTIN: Rip to Clarence.
JANINE: We're on a boat!
[outro music]