Transcriber: Em (@houseplantfiend)
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SYLVIA: I’ve never heard of that before.
[AUSTIN and JACK laugh.]
JACK: Uh, we watched The Batman yesterday.
AUSTIN: Well, what’d you think of that?
SYLVIA: What did you think?
JACK: That film is too long!
AUSTIN: It’s very long.
DRE: Yeah.
SYLVIA: It’s really long.
JACK: It’s not– It’s not long by… much.
AUSTIN: Right!
JACK: I think you could cut half an hour from that movie.
AUSTIN: I think you cut twenty minutes, and it would be– Or–
KEITH: Wow. That’s so much, though. Honestly.
AUSTIN: You could– Or you could turn it into a ten-part HBO series, and I think it’s a lot better instantly.
JACK: The thing– Yeah, the thing KB said was, “Why isn’t this a three-part mini-series?”
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh.
JACK: And I said, “‘Cause it’s fun to sit in a dark room and watch movies.” Which I stand by, but I do also see the value in–
SYLVIA (overlapping): Yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
KEITH: Release it theatrically, those are the best kinds of mini-series.
SYLVIA: I don’t– I don’t mind staring at Robert Pattinson for three hours, I’ll be real.
[DRE laughs.]
JACK: I kinda– Like, here’s the thing: he was– I’m a big Robert Pattinson fan. Um, we’ve been watching Twilight and there’s this–
SYLVIA: Oh my God, those movies are so fun!
JACK: There’s this amazing thing that happens between Twilight 1 and all the subsequent ones, which is: Robert Pattinson figures out what this character is. Um, and even though he’s a lot better now than he was then, he is entertaining in those movies. KB was like, “Oh, I think he is playing him as though every time he has a positive thought, he feels guilty about it.” [AUSTIN and DRE laugh.] [AUSTIN: Yeah.] And watching Robert Pattinson, like, do that, uh, is just really entertaining. And so I liked seeing him in this, but I wanted to see… I wanted more Bruce in this movie.
SYLVIA: Yeah, I agree.
AUSTIN, DRE: Yeah.
JACK: I like weird, like, unkempt, make-up around the eyes Bruce, who’s like, slouching around–
SYLVIA (overlapping): Fuck, me too, Jack.
[SYLVIA and AUSTIN laugh.]
DRE: Hm-hm.
AUSTIN: It’s very good.
JACK: I love when he, uh, for some reason he's shirtless and he sp–
AUSTIN (overlapping): I can think of some reasons.
JACK: He, like, makes a crime… floor.
AUSTIN: Yes. Yes.
JACK: But he's shirtless when he makes his crime floor.
SYLVIA: Ugh.
AUSTIN: You don't want the shirt getting in the way.
JACK: Um–
SYLVIA: Yeah!
JACK: When you're– when you're making the crime floor.
AUSTIN (overlapping): For deductions. Yeah.
DRE: Mm-hm.
JACK: Um, I saw–
KEITH: What’s a crime floor?
JACK: Well, you know the crime wall–
SYLVIA (overlapping): It’s a floor that lets you solve crime.
JACK: You know the– the wall that lets you solve a crime? What if you pushed a big table to one side and did that all on the floor with, like, spray paint for some reason?
AUSTIN: Can I tell you — this is a plot point in the– in the latest John Darnielle book. The–
JACK: Oh, I’m really excited to read this.
AUSTIN (overlapping): The protagonist of that makes a crime floor basically immediately. So.
KEITH: Is this the– is this the third book? [JACK: Devil House.] Or is this the Devil House book?
AUSTIN: This is Devil House.
JACK: Which is his third book.
AUSTIN: Technically, his fourth book.
KEITH: Oh, I thought that was his second.
AUSTIN: No, second was Universal Harvester.
JACK: It’s Wolf in White Van, Universal Harvester, then that documentary–
AUSTIN (overlapping): Wolf in White Van, Universal Harvester.
KEITH: Ohh.
JACK: The– It’s like a non-fiction–
SYLVIA: Yeah, Universal Harvester was–
AUSTIN: Yeah, he does a– he did a non-fu– a non-fuction? A non-fiction book, uh–
KEITH: I was forgetting Universal Harvester, that's why.
AUSTIN: Yes, Universal Harvester–
JACK (overlapping): Oh, Universal Harvester’s great.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
SYLVIA: I really liked it.
KEITH (overlapping): I own that. I– I haven't read it. I– I think I own it.
AUSTIN: But he did a– a Black Sabbath, uh, book in 2008, so.
DRE: Ohh.
SYLVIA: So I read most of Universal Harvester and then, like, fell off it, so I got the audiobook, and he narrates the audiobook, which is very fun.
AUSTIN: Oh, that's good.
JACK: If there’s someone–
SYLVIA (overlapping): Uh, I like when people read their own books to me.
KEITH: Yeah. Mm-hm.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: Also, like, he is someone who knows how to use his voice.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah.
JACK: Um, which is, which is good. Um, I felt Paul Dano was great. I would've liked… more of him outside the mask.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: Although I thought– So this– this Batman movie was costume-designed by the woman who did Little Women.
AUSTIN: Oh, that's wild.
DRE: Ooh. Wow.
JACK: And, uh, I think that the costume– Knowing that, the costume design is like, really fun to watch. There’s that– there's the opening where all of Gotham is in Halloween costumes and every single Halloween costume looks like it's made for a– for a little weirdo.
[DRE laughs.]
JACK: Um, and that's really fun.
AUSTIN: Oh…
KEITH: Do you think the movie was so long because of the– what was– I can't even remember. The cut that people wanted of this other movie.
JACK: The Snyder cut.
AUSTIN: The Snyder cut.
KEITH: Right.
AUSTIN: No.
KEITH: Is that why this movie was long, because of the Snyder cut business?
AUSTIN: There's just too–
DRE: I don't think so.
AUSTIN: There's– There's, um… They– It feels like they thought they needed a big explosive climax in a superhero movie way, instead of in a mystery movie way. There's like–
SYLVIA: Yeah.
JACK: I, um–
AUSTIN: You know, there's a version of this movie that just ends with him going to talk to the Riddler. And that's the end of the movie, in this– You know. And instead there's–
JACK: And then they do another thing.
AUSTIN: Then they do a big other thing that's like–
SYLVIA: Which doesn't work. You could cut that other thing.
AUSTIN: I like where it goes.
JACK (overlapping): So, here’s what–
AUSTIN: I like where it goes in terms of, like, what Batman learns about himself.
DRE: Yeah.
SYLVIA: Fair.
AUSTIN: And his position in Gotham.
JACK (overlapping): You get some great images with him with that flare, in the water.
AUSTIN: Yeah. You do.
DRE: Hm-hm.
JACK: Looks really good.
AUSTIN: But. Yeah.
KEITH: I–
SYLVIA: It just also feels like this is like a– an epilogue to the thing, as opposed to the actual ending, you know?
AUSTIN: Yes, yes.
KEITH: I'm genuinely shocked that people like a Batman movie in 2022.
JACK: Ah, it's fun. I– You know.
KEITH: I can't believe that this movie– I’ve no–
SYLVIA: They made one for the little freaks, I don't know what to tell you.
AUSTIN, DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: It’s not– I'm not– I'm not judging the movie or the people liking the movie. I'm just really surprised that they made a movie that everyone likes.
AUSTIN: I don't think everybody likes it. I think plenty of people didn’t like it. But.
KEITH: I have only heard everyone say that it's great but slightly long.
AUSTIN (overlapping): No, all the same– all the same criticism around it being. like, a– fundamentally a movie about, like, a rich dude beating up poor people, is all still out there.
KEITH (overlapping): Yeah, [crosstalk] every Batman thing.
SYLVIA: They do the– a fucking knockout game in it, people have been pretty open about that being trash.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes. Yes. A hundred percent.
[DRE laughs.]
AUSTIN: They do do the knockout game–
DRE (overlapping): God, I forgot about that! Shit.
AUSTIN: They do have, like– You know, there's a lot of–
KEITH: They do a knockout game?
AUSTIN: Yeah. They do do, like– Step up to the ledge to say that police might be bad and then walk back away from it. Like, they do all this shit that's, like, annoying about a Batman story. Uh, but I think fundamentally, it's like, a cool Batman story where he gets to be a detective and Colin Farrell gets to be a real funny Penguin and, you know, you get to do like–
JACK: Oh, and, uh, um, John Turturro shows up and it's really fun. As he is in every movie.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes, this is true. This is true. Right, that– I actually think– Here's the actual thing, my actual thought about what they would cut if they were forced to cut something, is all of Selena Kyle's backstory and B-plot. And that would make the movie worse. Because like, I guarantee you, they're not gonna cut the big final, you know, sequence at the end of that movie that's expensive. They would've cut the deep, personal drama around Selena wanting revenge. And that would suck, because–
SYLVIA: Yeah. If they cut that scene I would hate that movie.
AUSTIN: Right. A hundred percent. A hundred percent.
JACK: God, I love the scene where he is looking through the–
AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah.
JACK: Through her eyes. The staging!
SYLVIA: It's so fucking good!
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
JACK: It lets them make that scene, like, sing in a way that it really wouldn't if it was just either Batman or Selena Kyle infiltrating the club. The fact that they're both kind of doing it together through one person is great. Also, I–
AUSTIN: Also his lack of control over her and where her eyes and her body go is, like, important in terms of like, where– what is the limit of Batman's technological prowess? I think it draws a very specific line between this, this Batman and Nolan's, uh, uh, Patriot Act Batman.
JACK: Yes.
AUSTIN: Uh, who literally can listen in on what anyone ever is saying if he wants to, you know.
JACK: He has to wait for her to m– Like, there's that bit towards the end of the movie, where she turns on the contact lens again, to contact him. And he has had to– He doesn't know where she is or what he's doing– or what she's doing or anything until she just, like, calls him from her house, using the contact lens that she walked away from.
AUSTIN: It's good.
JACK: Um, also, I don't like the– Batman 1 and Batman 3, but for my sins, I really like The Dark Knight. Um, and I think that Christopher Nolan could have staged the– the, um, final thing in a way that would've been more entertaining, ‘cause that's the kind of big bullshit that he's capable of doing.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, he’s good at that. Yeah, that's true.
JACK: Uh, but I think Nolan would've put it 45 minutes earlier in the movie.
AUSTIN: There would've been a whole big, long thing about “can Batman get to the bombs” also, instead of what happened here, which was kinda shocking and fun.
JACK (overlapping): Oh, yeah, and Maggie Gyllenhaal would kind of be–
[KEITH laughs.]
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes, yes.
SYLVIA: Also would've found a woman to kill.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. A hundred percent. Alright, we should do this.
SYLVIA: Wait, they do do that! Never mind, actually.
AUSTIN: Which woman gets–
SYLVIA: I guess she disappears, but–
AUSTIN: She dis– Wait. Who’s– who– who?
JACK (overlapping): Oh, no, no, no.
SYLVIA: Uh, Selena Kyle’s friend.
JACK: Oh, no, she– she–
AUSTIN (overlapping): Ohhh. Yeah.
SYLVIA: Does she come back?
AUSTIN: Oh, they find her.
JACK: No, she– They find her, Sylvi.
SYLVIA (overlapping): Yeah, they– Right, they find her, and she's not… alive.
AUSTIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Correct.
JACK: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Correct. Yeah.
JACK: Um, also, um, Izzy Hands from Our Flag Means Death shows up doing a very bad American accent.
[Crosstalk.]
AUSTIN: That's true. Okay.
SYLVIA: He was in Dark Souls 2, did y'all know that?
JACK: Yes, he plays, um–
DRE: Wait, who?
SYLVIA: Con O’Neill is the name of the actor.
AUSTIN: Oh, I didn't know that.
SYLVIA: Um, Titch, I think is the name of the character.
JACK: (imitating Con O’Neill) I’m gonna fucking kill you, Batman! (normal voice) That's how he does.
SYLVIA: Titchy Gren is the character in Dark Souls II.
AUSTIN: Titchy– Titchy Gren?
SYLVIA: And he's Mohg in Elden Ring.
AUSTIN: Incr– Oh, sure. Okay.
JACK (overlapping): Oh, yes, he is.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Okay. Yeah.
SYLVIA: And I just watched him on that Our Flag Means Death show, which he’s very funny in.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Right, yeah. He's very funny in that. He is.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Alright, we should do a podcast.
SYLVIA: We should, we should, we should. Yes.
DRE: Sure.
JACK: Let's do it!
AUSTIN: Uh, time dot is. Happy Titanfall Day, happy International Workers Day, happy May Day.
JACK: Happy Titanfall Day. Have we got our pro-worker quote? No, we have not.
DRE (overlapping): Happy NSYNC Day.
SYLVIA: [laughing] Does time dot is have a pro-worker quote? Hmm, I wonder.
AUSTIN: I wonder.
[JACK laughs.]
DRE: Hmm.
KEITCH: Well, it is an Albert Einstein quote, and Albert Einstein was a socialist, I guess.
AUSTIN: This is true. This is true.
SYLVIA: My dog– my dog's name is Einstein and I'm a socialist. So, also works.
AUSTIN: Wow.
JACK: Ohh.
DRE: Oh, yeah.
SYLVIA (overlapping): Got plenty of connections. [laughs]
KEITH: It's also funny– I feel like Albert Einstein's a guy who's very famous for knowing things, and discovering things about time. And they have chosen the quote from him that is basically, like, a greeting card that could’ve been written by any idiot.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh.
[JACK laughs.]
AUSTIN: [laughs] I wonder if he even said this. This could be fake.
KEITH: It could be fake. It says– We didn't read it. “Life is like riding a bicycle: to keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
SYLVIA: Yeah, I bet he didn't say that.
KEITH: Yeah. As if [crosstalk]–
SLYVIA (overlapping): Albert Einstein seems like one of the guys who you can just like, say something– he was said– say that something was said by him and people won't question it, ‘cause like, that dude said so much shit.
JACK: He said so much shit. And most of– or like, a bunch of it was very important.
SYLVIA: Like, you can make up Sokrates quotes too.
JACK: Oh, yeah, people make up Sokrates quotes all the time.
KEITH (overlapping): I googled it, and it brought me–
AUSTIN: Yeah, this site is wild.
KEITH: Quote investigator dot com.
AUSTIN: Quote investigator dot com.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
JACK: Wait, boat– boat investigator?
AUSTIN: No, quote, quote.
KEITH: Quote investigator. Who said this?
AUSTIN: He did use the simile in a letter he wrote in 1930, the original remark was presented near the beginning of the article. Uh, so I think it's– I think it's like– I have not read this whole long article about the history of this. It seems like a preacher used it. “Christianity is very much like riding the bicycle. You have to keep your headway. The moment you stop, you drop,” said– said Theodore Tyler in 1890.
JACK (overlapping): Oh, that’s odd, to say the least.
AUSTIN: Uh, so it's like one of those things–
SYLVIA: Very different.
AUSTIN: It is. [small pause] Interesting. So, yeah, it's a simile, it's a– it's a– You know, people have been saying this quote for years before Einstein used it. So, there you go. I love this site.
KEITH: Here's– here's a fun– here's a fun spin on it. “Going to heaven is just like riding a bicycle. You have to keep a-going to keep a-going. You gotta keep a-moving. You can't stop.”
DRE: Oh, sure, yeah. Mario.
[Everyone laughs.]
AUSTIN: Ohh.
SYLVIA: Oh, Jesus.
JACK: What I like is that the first bicycles that we would broadly recognize as today's bicycles also showed up in the 1890s, so I feel like that guy saying Christianity is like a bicycle is a real, like, cool preacher type thing. It's like–
AUSTIN: [laughing] That motherfucker said, “Christianity is like a Hyperloop.” And everyone in the– in the audience is like, “oh, Jesus Christ.”
KEITH: Well, ‘cause the funny thing is, it used to be–
AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, they wouldn't do that, ‘cause they're very religious.
DRE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
KEITH: It used to be true– It used to be true about bicycles that if you stopped moving, you would fall, but now you can just put your feet down because you don't ride a bicycle eight feet in the air with a giant stupid wheel.
[JACK laughs.]
KEITH: So bicycles have advanced beyond the use for this quote.
AUSTIN: This is true.
JACK: We have no further need for this quote.
AUSTIN: I'm not going to stay on this website, but I do just wanna say: this website is fantastic.
DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: “Dairying is like riding a bicycle. If you don't keep moving, you will fall off. A herd of dirty, emaciated cows is a plain advertisement of the owner's lack of brains or his downright shiftlessness.”
AUSTIN: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SYLVIA: Huh.
DRE: Yeah. That's what I'm always saying about milk.
JACK: I have downright shiftlessness, I think. Well, as far as my cows are concerned. Yeah, I do not take care of my cows.
KEITH: You have emaciated cows?
JACK: Yeah…
KEITH: You should– you should really take care of your cows.
JACK: It's tough. I have a tiny back balcony.
DRE: [laughs] That's not enough for a cow, Jack.
JACK: No.
AUSTIN: Could be a little cow, baby cow. Probably still not enough.
DRE: Baby cows are big.
AUSTIN: Baby cows are big. Alright. Time dot is. Uh, we all recording?
JACK: Mm-hm.
DRE: Mm-hm.
AUSTIN: 4– 45 seconds.
JACK Mm-hm.
[Everyone claps.]
[Transition music plays.]
SYLVIA: The moment that clicked for me was when I got my weird anime figure in the mail.
AUSTIN: There you go.
SYLVIA: I was like, I can just have this out.
AUSTIN (overlapping): You can just have that.
SYLVIA: I can just have this out.
[KEITH laughs.]
AUSTIN: I truly don't feel like I could have that out here in my apartment. I wouldn't– you know, this is– we have different–
JACK: Would you have it in your studio apartment?
AUSTIN: I mean, maybe not, but– [laughing] But maybe.
JACK: No. No.
SYLVI: [crosstalk]
AUSTIN (overlapping): I mean, it's a good anime figure, this is true. and way, figure this.
JACK (overlapping): How do you feel about–
DRE: Austin, you gotta get yourself a Gunpla cabinet.
AUSTIN: I don't like– I have– So in my other room, I have shelves with Gunpla on them–
JACK (overlapping): You have a whole shelf!
AUSTIN: –but I don't go in that room ever. Jack, the last time you were in that room, there was, like, room for a person in that room. Now it's all cardboard and wood.
JACK: That is what would've happened to me, had I remained in the room.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
AUSTIN: Yes, you've turned into cardboard and wood.
SYLVIA: It's like– it's like what happened to Dr. Manhattan, except it's different material.
AUSTIN: [laughs] Exactly.
JACK: June 12th, a figure made exclusively of Gunpla screws appears by the perimeter fence, screams for five minutes.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
AUSTIN: [sighs] Jack, like, whatever the atomic symbol for wood– It's carbon probably, right?
SYLVIA: It’s just the ‘this side up’ symbol.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh.
JACK: This way up. I– Uh, I think the figure that I'm gonna get to Chris and my– uh, my apartment is, uh– How do we feel about small Siegmeyer? I've put a little link in the chat, I'd like to get your Siegmeyer opinions.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Ohh. I’m quite a fan. Yeah, you have to, you have to go with– This is great. This is fantastic.
DRE: Oh, this is great.
AUSTIN: That's a great little guy.
DRE: Oh, it’s the onion knight guy, yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JACK: He just sits on my desk.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: He hangs out.
AUSTIN: I love that. I love that.
KEITH: How big is– how big of a guy is this?
JACK: He's little. He's small.
AUSTIN (overlapping): He’s a small little guy.
JACK: He's five inches tall.
AUSTIN: Oh, that's nothing.
KEITH: Wow.
DRE: I need to go back, and now that I have Elden Ring–
KEITH (overlapping): He's 12 dollars an inch.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
DRE: And now I can play those games, I gotta go back and play Dark Souls.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: Yeah. It’s good.
AUSTIN: You can do it. If you did it with Elden Ring, you can do it.
JACK: You can do it. Oh, you can do it. Yeah.
AUSTIN: Play Dark Souls remastered, like, that game is– that game is– is really straightforward compared to Elden Ring in many ways.
DRE: Oh, I'm sure. Yeah.
AUSTIN: And, and they are not asking as much. Like, I think, like, the boss fights are just way easier in that game.
DRE: The last– The time when I played Dark Souls and the farthest I got into it was… I think I beat Ornstein and Smough.
AUSTIN: Oh, you were done, basically.
SYLVIA (overlapping): Oh, that’s like–
JACK (overlapping): You were really in it.
AUSTIN: Yeah, you're deep in it at that point.
DRE: And then I think– That was when I was still in grad school, and so then, like, I just had to stop playing it for a couple weeks and then it was like, “oh, I don't know how to play this game anymore.”
AUSTIN: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
SYLVIA: My recommendation for if you wanna recreate, uh, the experience of playing it, like, back then, is to play the Switch version.
AUSTIN: Yes.
SYLVIA: So you'll get the same frame rate issues.
AUSTIN: I– Listen, that’s exactly–
SYLVIA (overlapping): It’s also still a decent port.
AUSTIN: That's what I played it on. I loved it on the Switch. It was so good.
SYLVIA: Same! I really liked it.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
DRE: It’s incredible that they got that game to run on the Switch.
AUSTIN: It's wild. It truly is. But I think– and I think that like, there's still, like, an audience– people are still there playing it.
KEITH (overlapping): Well, hold on.
SYLVIA: I mean, it was a 360 game. I played it on 360 originally. And it’s basically the same performance, honestly, but a little better on the Switch. When it's in handheld.
KEITH: Yeah. This Switch is, like, definitely closer to an Xbox One than a 360.
AUSTIN: Is it?
DRE: Is it?
KEITH: Yeah. Look, the Switch was fine for years. It's not the Switch's fault it can't play anything anymore, it's– Games… keep making themselves better.
SYLVIA: I agree.
AUSTIN: Yeah. This is true.
KEITH: Well, they keep making themselves more demanding.
AUSTIN: More demanding.
JACK: Louder.
SYLVIA: They gotta stick to the visual novels and JRPGs.
AUSTIN: There you go.
SYLVIA: The low budget– [crosstalk]
DRE: Dark Souls remaster– [crosstalk]
AUSTIN: Turn-based JRPGs.
SYLVIA: Yeah, you gotta– you gotta get on the Kiseki train.
AUSTIN: Yeah, God, I want to so bad. I so badly wanna be that person.
SYLVIA: Austin, you should.
AUSTIN: I know. I just don't have that sort of– I don't have that.
SYLVIA (overlapping): I’m like– I know you don't. I know you don't. It sucks.
AUSTIN: I wish I had that sort of attention and time to be like, I’m– ‘Cause those are basically visual novels, is the thing.
SYLVIA: Yeah. Um…
AUSTIN: With like– with gamepl– with, with combat, you know?
DRE: [?]
SYLVIA: Yeah, pretty much. I– I'm playing–
AUSTIN: No, um, uh–
SYLVIA (overlapping): God, Trail– Legend of Heroes is the North American name.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, Trails in the Sky and Trails of Cold Steel.
DRE: Ohh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
AUSTIN: I wanna play Trails– I started Trails of Cold Steel a few years ago and I was just like–
SYLVIA: Trails of Cold Steel’s been really good. I feel like it's got a lot of shit you'd really eat up.
AUSTIN: I know it does. I know.
SYLVIA: Um, there's like a– there's noble factions.
AUSTIN: I know. There's mechs in that fucking series.
DRE (overlapping): There’s so much of that fuckin’ game though.
AUSTIN: There's just so much.
SYLVIA: I know. Anyway–
JACK: I love a noble faction.
KEITH (overlapping): I don't think I've heard of any of these.
AUSTIN: The Trails in the Sky and–
SYLVIA (overlapping): They were like–
AUSTIN: Yeah, no?
SYLVIA: They're, like, sort of–
DRE (overlapping): Yeah, like, “Trails of blank, blank, blank.”
SYLVIA: I guess you’d call them, like, B-tier JRPGs.
AUSTIN: No, but people love them.
SYLVIA: People love them. I just mean in terms of, like–
AUSTIN: Mm-hm, mm-hm.
SYLVIA: Like, western popularity.
[crosstalk]
AUSTIN: And in terms of, like, budget. I don't think that they're like– they're not big, flashy JRPGs in, like, the Final Fantasy sense.
SYLVIA: When I got into it, I immediately went like, “this is like a Tales Of game.” Budget-wise.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, yeah. They're in that, yeah. But they're Trail– they added an R.
DRE: Got [?] energy.
SYLVIA: [laughs] Exactly.
[KEITH laughs.]
SYLVIA: Um… But they– They’re mostly–
KEITH: Those– those, the Tales games I know and have played a little bit of, and those I know are, like, extremely well received.
SYLVIA: I– This, like, got its start in, like, the PSP and stuff in North America, too– [AUSTIN: Real shit.] –when they first started getting localized, so it, like, did not catch on in the same way.
KEITH (overlapping): Oh, yeah!
SYLVIA: Um, that like–
DRE: I mean, were they originally, like, PlayStation games or somethin’?
SYLVIA: I don't know. I'm not that deep in.
KEITH: The Tales–
SYLVIA: I'll ask Wes.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Wes would know.
DRE: [laughs] Yeah.
AUSTIN: I wanna say Trails–
DRE: That’s all I see on Wes’ Twitter anymore. So.
AUSTIN: Trails in the Sky was a 2004 Microsoft Windows game that was then ported to PSP in 2006.
KEITH: Wow.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
KEITH: Incredible.
AUSTIN: Like, it's not– it's not an RPG Maker game, but it may as well be, do you know what I mean? They have that style of vibe.
SYLVIA (overlapping): They have that vibe, you know?
AUSTIN: Yeah.
SYLVIA [laughing] That's why I avoided them, is ‘cause I thought they were RPG Maker games.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah.
JACK: Yeah.
AUSTIN: People love 'em. Anyway.
SYLVIA: Anyway.
JACK: Um–
DRE: Anyway.
JACK: Anyway. While we’re talking about–
KEITH (overlapping): Shout-out to the RPG Maker games out there.
AUSTIN: Yeah, uh-huh.
SYLVIA: There’s a few that are good.
JACK (overlapping): Yeah, while we’re talking about the PSP, I just– I really, really quickly wanna say that my– my literal first ever encounter with a Metal Gear Solid game–
AUSTIN: Oh, sure.
JACK: Was playing one of those PSP exclusive–
AUSTIN (overlapping): Acid? Or Portable?
JACK: Metal Gear. Uh–
AUSTIN: Uh, was it a third person action game or was it a card tactics game?
JACK: Oh, no, it was a third person action game.
SYLVIA: God. Ugh. Acid’s so good.
AUSTIN (overlapping): [crosstalk] probably. Yeah, Acid's great.
JACK: I have– Oh, it was Portable Ops, yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah, it was Portable Ops.
JACK: And if you know nothing about Metal Gear Solid.
AUSTIN: Mm-hm.
JACK: And you’re playing this game on a PSP. [SYLVIA laughs.] While motion-sick in the back of a car– [AUSTIN: Oh, buddy.] –to and then from the beach.
SYLVIA: Oh no!
JACK: It is like being sent to a sort of personal hell.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh.
JACK: I– It was like one of the most incoherent introductions to a video game that I have– I had no idea what was happening or how to do anything.
KEITH: Is– Is it a real–
AUSTIN (overlapping): Here's what my PSP looked like for a long time, by the way, is I put this–
KEITH: Is it a full game or is it just, like, the– like–
SYLVIA: Uh…
JACK: [crosstalk]
AUSTIN (overlapping): You’ve played MGS 5, right? You’ved played MGS 5.
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: MGS 5 is– is– truly is Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops 3.
SYLVIA: Yeah, pretty much.
[KEITH laughs.]
JACK: It's like– I like MGS 5 a lot, but at– then, it was so painful.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: It was like being given nausea, to play that.
AUSTIN: You– This is where the thing of, like, capturing and recruiting characters came from, Keith.
KEITH: Ohh.
AUSTIN: Uh, you went in and, like, repeated mission-based– returning to the same maps over and over again, it wasn't a big open world map at that point or big– like, huge maps, but then– But it was this, and then it was, um, Peace Walker. Uh, is that right? Is Peace Walker right?
SYLVIA (overlapping): It’s very– Yeah. Peace Walker is like–
KEITH: That's the one that I always hear about people love.
SYLVIA: I like Peace Walker, I think– I don't know if you and Kylie have any plans to get to it eventually, if you're– you're doing more of the Metal Gear stuff, but, um–
KEITH: I've gotta assume that we're gonna.
SYLVIA: It's– it's one of the ones that got the HD remaster, that really helps it.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Okay, yeah. I think it’s still canon, Portable Ops is not.
KEITH (overlapping): We’re definitely playing 3.
SYLVIA: Yeah, 3 is my favorite, always will be.
AUSTIN: I love 3.
SYLVIA: Well. [sighs] No, I think I like 2– I think I like 2 more.
AUSTIN (overlapping): You finished 2, right? 3’s my favorite.
KEITH: We finished 2.
AUSTIN: 2’s like–
KEITH: Uh, I'm sort of disappointed at the concept of– of a prequel.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
KEITH: Because I was really feeling where we were at with the story.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh. Don't worry, you'll get there. 4– 4 will get– will be a continuation.
SYLVIA: Yeah, yeah. Oh.
AUSTIN: In many ways.
SYLVIA: I kinda love the first four of the games.
AUSTIN: Yeah!
SYLVIA: And then they just– 5 makes me so upset.
AUSTIN: Does it?
SYLVIA: I don't like 5. I don't know. It just never– [crosstalk]
KEITH: I loved it when I played it. Absent of any context at all.
AUSTIN (overlapping): I love the gameplay of it.
SYLVIA: Well, that, yeah.
AUSTIN: I think like narratively, it's just a– it's a mess. And like–
SYLVIA: It's a m– it's an unfinished nightmare. Like–
AUSTIN: Yes, a hundred percent. Yeah.
JACK: I– The way I played 5 and had a really great time with it, was that– like I was playing the sequel to Far Cry 2.
AUSTIN: Yes. A hundred percent.
JACK: Every three hours, an absolute pervert showed up and talked to me.
[Everyone laughs.]
KEITH: Wait, what about the absolute pervert that's on the screen all the time?
AUSTIN: Oh, you're– it's– there's a– do you– A-ha. We can't talk about it. ‘Cause there's a spoiler about this.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
JACK: Oh, sure.
AUSTIN: We literally cannot talk about it, Keith.
JACK: But it's like– yeah, it's like Far Cry 2, and then, every so often, perverts show up.
AUSTIN: I– I mean, what I will say–
JACK: And then you go back to Far Cry 2 again.
AUSTIN: Yes. What I will say is, uh, remember Kiefer Sutherland is playing Snake in Metal Gear Solid 5, and he doesn't have any fucking lines. He doesn't talk, ever. So you're not getting–
KEITH (overlapping): You’re right, he doesn’t really–
SYLVIA: Well–
AUSTIN: You're not getting codec conver– I mean, he does have some lines, but he doesn't do– like, you're not getting the codec conversations where he's, like, hitting on all of his coworkers constantly.
KEITH: It's also been so long since that game came out. I, like, genuinely– like, I was, like, living– It was, like, four places ago for me– [AUSTIN: Yeah.] –that I played Metal Gear Solid Five. Like, I lived in Massachusetts still.
AUSTIN: Yeah, no, totally.
SYLVIA: The most egregious thing about the Kiefer Sutherland thing is that they got him to do a lot of the, like, audio tapes?
AUSTIN: Yeah, they did. Right.
SYLVIA: Um, but they didn't get him to do cut– Like he wasn't in cutscenes, which leads me to believe they couldn't get him to do mocap or something.
[KEITH laughs.]
AUSTIN: Oh, that'd be so funny.
JACK: Ohh.
SYLVIA: Like, it just seems like such a weird production thing that you used all of your money for lines on these tapes instead of making these cutscenes, you know?
KEITH: Correct me if I'm wrong, but they burned a lot of goodwill by not having the fucking guy that is Solid Snake.
AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes. David Hayter is not–
KEITH: They get Kiefer Sutherland to half-ass some of a performance.
AUSTIN: Yes. Yes.
KEITH: That's a bummer. What a bummer.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
AUSTIN: You'll get there and you'll see it's even more– it's– you'll see.
SYLVIA: It's more of a bummer than you think!
AUSTIN: There's– Truly fucked-up shit happens in that game. And like, not in a way that I think is, like, interesting. So.
SYLVIA: No.
JACK: Yeah, some fucked-up shit happens–
DRE (overlapping): So I don’t need to go back and finish that game, huh?
AUSTIN: I think the fucked up shit happens kind of, like, out the gate in that game.
KEITH: That’s the– That’s the other thing, is that I also never finished it because, uh, I got to a boss fight and I– I was– I was just like, “why am I doing boss fights, these suck!”
AUSTIN: Yeah.
KEITH: And I bet the game’s–
[SYLVIA laughs.]
AUSTIN: Oh, in Metal Gear Solid?
DRE: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah, uh-huh.
KEITH: Yeah, in 5. I got– Like, I– I did a few boss fights and you know, I got like–
AUSTIN: No, I was just saying that that is just Metal Gear, isn't it?
KEITH: Yeah, yeah, it really is. I learned that. I learned that over the last–
AUSTIN: Some of them are fun. Like I would never– I would–
SYLVIA (overlapping): [crosstalk] is fun.
AUSTIN: I would never remove boss fights from Metal Gear Solid, but also, some of them fuckin’ suck.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
KEITH: I wouldn't remove what they are doing, except for the– Metal Gear Solid 1 is weird because we learned that we accidentally played the hard mode.
[JACK laughs.]
AUSTIN: Oh, did you? That explains so much.
KEITH (overlapping): [crosstalk] normal, which was hard.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
AUSTIN: I see. Okay.
JACK: Oh, that is so funny.
KEITH (overlapping): Yeah, yeah. So we learned that they added a normal mode to, like, combat– for the American version, to combat video game rentals.
AUSTIN: Oh.
KEITH: To make the game artificially longer.
SYLVIA (overlapping): I love that.
KEITH: So you’d have to rent it multiple times.
AUSTIN: Mm, that's economics.
SYLVIA: I miss that era.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh.
KEITH: Um, yeah, so we learned that the easy mode was the real mode– [AUSTIN: Mm-hm.] –and that the reason that it took– Every boss fight took super, super long. Even if we didn't die, we just, like, it just took, you know, 500 shots to kill, you know–
AUSTIN: Yeah.
KEITH: –Revolver Ocelot or something, was just because normal mode was fake hard mode for American– Americans.
AUSTIN: Right.
DRE: Hm.
AUSTIN: That's so funny.
KEITH: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Speaking of Metal Gear, speaking of– of walking tanks.
DRE: Yeah.
SYLVIA: Yeah.
AUSTIN (overlapping): We should– we should do some Lancer. Time dot is?
DRE: Sure. Sure. At some point in the next 10 to 15 minutes, Ellie might go crazy for a little bit, but–
AUSTIN: Okay.
DRE: Jaz is– Jaz has a friend coming over so they can–
AUSTIN: Ah, I see.
JACK: Oh.
AUSTIN: Gotcha.
DRE: It's our friend who's running for judge, so they're doing political strategy.
AUSTIN: Oh, fun.
DRE: Yeah.
SYLVIA: And your dog is just famously anti-politics.
KEITH: Can I– [laughs] Can I tell you that I genuinely didn't learn that– that a lot of–
DRE (overlapping): [laughing] No, she’s not. How dare you.
SYLVIA: [laughing] Sorry.
KEITH: I genuinely didn't learn until I was like 23 or 24 that a lot of judges are elected.
AUSTIN: Oh, really? Yeah?
DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: I– yeah, I had no idea, I'd never heard of that before.
AUSTIN: You just thought they were, like, appointed?
DRE: It’s also like–
KEITH (overlapping): I– yeah, I thought that you got it by, like, being a good– by being good at being a lawyer or something.
DRE: Ha-ha. Ha. No.
[SYLVIA laughs.]
AUSTIN: Oh, absolutely not.
DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: Or, you know, whoever decides those things, their criteria of being–
DRE: No, a lot of times it's just like other politics where it's like, do you have rich parents whose names have cash today? Okay, you get to win the judge election. That's kind of how it is here, anyway.
AUSTIN: Sick.
DRE: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Alright, ready to do a clap?
DRE: Anyway, time dot is. [laughs] Let me make sure– Okay, yeah, I'm recording everywhere. Okay.
AUSTIN: Oh, yeah, I should get my screen recording going, too.
DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: Uh, and then I should also go to Forge, ‘cause I'll forget.
AUSTIN: Yes.
KEITH: Fooorge. I hope that's right.
AUSTIN: Um, top of the minute?
KEITH: Mm-hm.
DRE: Sure.
[Everyone claps.]
[Music plays to end.]