Transcriber: Chronologist
Dre: Ok, Ali's here too.
Ali: Hello.
Austin: I'm recording. We're back.
Ali: [laughing] I'm so mad that I did not have the foresight to—
Austin: We should've just waited. We should've just waited.
Ali: We should’ve just waited.
Austin: We should've just waited.
Ali: But we couldn't wait. [laughs]
Austin: I watched it on my phone...
Dre: Would you be more upset if you decided not to watch the trailer and then just some random person told it to you?
Ali: Right. Th-the immediate thing that I did after tabbing out of discord was go to twitter and immediately see a screencap.
Dre: Yeah.
Ali: So I would have lost my mind. [laughs]
Austin: [confused] I... Why would you put this in the trailer?
Ali: I know!
Dre: I don't know. It's a bad idea to put it in the trailer.
Austin: It’s a bad idea cause— What if he's barely in this movie? Or, also, if it's a twist, and it’s like... a secret— what if it's John Cena in a Mission Impossible mask?
[Ali Gasps]
Dre: Oh, fuck.
Austin: This is me calling a shot.
Ali: [Laughs] I mean, I have to trust that they know what they're doing, that there's a reason they put it in the trailers. But also, I'm someone who gets really mad when I see someone... when I see two people kiss in a trailer, because it’s, like, what's the point of that movie now?
Austin: Yeah, right. You know now. It's done. [Dre: Yeah.] You've already seen it.
Ali: So this just pushes it over the edge of being like, well, why... why would you have a 4 minute long trailer to begin with?
Austin: Right. It's already too fucking long. It's already the movie.
Ali: And then have the thing that would like—I guess that would sell tickets but that's... you'd want to learn that in the theater.
Austin: Right! Yes! That is the place I—I wanted to learn it in Hobbes and Shaw, where they should've—
Ali: I really wanted to.
Austin: ...that would've been the place.
Dre: That would have been perfect! Yeah.
Austin: But they didn't.
Janine: Do Hobbes and Shaw kiss?
Austin and Dre together: [deflated] No...
Ali: ...But there's a lot of tension.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: Hm.
Ali: There's a lot of talk about their balls. [laughs] which is [trails off and laughs]
Dre: There is!
Austin: That's true. I forgot about the balls.
Janine: Is one of them a boy mom?
Austin: Sorry, about the bales.
[Ali laughs.]
Dre: No. No. Do not. No. No.
Austin: This is now such an inside joke that people will badly not understand what you mean, Janine.
Janine: There was a... sticker in somebody's rear-view mirror that said “boy mom”, in that she had a lot of boys, but then it says “boy mom surrounded by balls” and Keith was like “Surrounded by bales!” and when pressed to explain that, he did not.
Austin: No, I think—That's not true.
Dre: He made a fake photoshop.
Austin: He did explain it with lies. [chuckles] With consistent lies.
Ali: Wait, I didn't even see...
Austin: Don't worry about it.
Janine: I think that dog's name was Puffin, by the way.
Austin: What dog?
Janine: The dog? The other sticker had a dog.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: [crosstalk] I was distracted by the boy mom.
Janine: [crosstalk] I thought it said Toffin but I think it says Puffin.
Dre: [crosstalk] I thought it said Griffin.
Janine: No, there's no R in there.
Dre: I don't know.
Ali: Ooh. You're right. And there's no dot over the other I.
Austin: [in the background] Oh, yeah. Huh.
Ali: But it could've been scraped off?
Austin: Puffin isn't right...
Dre: What if the secret surprise for Fast 9 is that Sean Boswell is in this movie?
Ali: Sean..?
Austin: I don't know who that is.
Dre: That's the kid from Tokyo Drift.
Austin: Oh!
Ali: Ooh. Well! Ok, Scoop!
Dre: [overlapping] I had to Google that name.
Ali: I think that he recently got written off NCIS: New Orleans...
Dre: Uh oh.
Austin: Ok. Ok!
Ali: ...Which might open him up to a franchise opportunity.
Austin: No, he's in that movie. He's in... Apparently he was in Furious 7? I just don't remember it. [Dre: Oh what?] [Ali: Oh yeah…] But Wikipedia just says straight up that he's in Fast 9.
Ali: Oh, well.
Austin: So...
Ali: I think they had a talk in a garage at some point?
Austin: Boswell... [Reading noises] Oh. They talk to get Han's body, apparently, in Furious 7.
Dre: Ooh, Okay.
Ali: Oh. [laughs]
Austin: Which makes this new trailer even more ridiculous.
Ali: So there are facts we still don't know, despite knowing a lot of the facts. So yeah, ok, sure.
Austin: Janine, there's a new Fast and the Furious Trailer. (Ali: Mhm) And a character shows up at the end of it. Just, nonchalantly. As if it wasn't a whole fucking thing.
Janine: Is it Han?
Austin: Yeah, it's Han!
Dre: Yeah, it's Han.
Ali: Yeah.
Janine: I was just about to joke— not even really joke, but honestly say, they should just bring Han back. They should just do that.
Austin: Well, they are. They are doing that, apparently.
Janine: Good.
Austin: ...I dropped my phone. It was like [startled noise] and that's... [sigh]. We should do a podcast.
Dre: Yeah. I gotta figure out when I'm gonna see this movie. Let me— are they selling tickets already?
Janine: I still haven't seen the last one.
Dre: They are selling... I'm buying tickets, hold on.
Ali: When are you getting married?
[Laughter]
Austin: Is Han gonna be at the wedding?
Dre: God, I hope!
Janine: Can you just get married at the theater?
Dre: He'll just know to show up... uh, in September.
Ali: Oh, okay. No risk.
Austin: We could do a Blu-Ray watch on that one.
Dre: Yeah.
Ali: This is why I... Let me go through my mutes right now, because I don't think I cleared them up. What are my muted words?
Dre: No one's bought tickets for this screening yet. Where do I want to sit?
Austin: Wherever you want. You get a row. You can just take the whole row.
Ali: Oh, I did already remove all of my Star Wars mutes. When the Star Wars trailer dropped, I [laughs]... I needed Finn, Rey, C-3PO, Darth Vader, Rylo Ken [laughs], Han Solo—
Janine: Oh you mean the terms, I thought you actually muted, like, people..
[Laughter]
Ali: I found all of their twitter accounts and muted all of them.
Janine: You muted every single fucking Rey RP'er. [Austin laughs] It took six days.
Austin: There was a period there where there was more per second than I could need.
[Ali laughs]
Austin: Did I ever tell you about the time The Last Jedi trailer, the first Last Jedi trailer came out, I was at Waypoint, I was doing a podcast that morning. And, like literally, 30 minutes before the trailer had come out, I was like, “you know I read this thing about this person who never watched a trailer at all before Force Unleashed so he went to see Force Unleashed—” Not Force Unleashed, Force Awakens... Force Unleashed is the PS3 game. Uh... “and he was just blown away by it, because he had this amazing experience of not having seen anything from it. And so all of the visual language was new to him…” Insofar as the visual language of Force Awakens was new at all... was like, you know, world building, prop stuff, you know, setting, all sorts of cool stuff.
Austin: And I was like, “I think I'm gonna do that for Last Jedi. I'm just gonna go completely radio silent on it. You know, if I see a screenshot here or there, see a still, I'll live, but I'm not gonna watch any of the trailers.” And then the trailer dropped, and the person who I was in the room with, who had a conversation with me about it, just put the trailer on. And like, not, like, “Oh, if you wanna step out real quick, I'm gonna watch the trailer,” just like, hit play on the TV. And I was like, “what are you doing?” Uh, and that was frustrating, and I was like, “fuck it, it's on. I'm not gonna make it.” So, I was very frustrated.
Ali: That sucks.
Austin: Anyway. I like that movie a lot! I wonder... It would have been very cool to have never seen the red salt stuff on that planet. You know?
Ali: Yeah.
Austin: Crait? Or whatever, but no matter. Uh, we should time.is.
Ali: Well… I haven't managed to not watch a trailer for something and—I'm gonna time.is, let me just say this—and like not see the movie until it comes out. But, like, seeing the trailer for the first time in a movie theater owns.
Austin: Yeah. Totally. Totally. True.
Ali: I think I saw the Star Wars trailer before I saw the Jason Statham shark movie? And that, like, really made my day. [pause] Top of the minute?
Austin: Oh, I'm not even close. Now I... I'm here.
Ali: Ok. 5? 10?
Austin: 10
[one person claps]
Austin: Sorry. 10.
[everyone claps]
Austin: I was distracted by Jack saying they'd only seen one of these movies.
Dre: Which one?
Austin: I don't know!
Art: I have to walk the dog.
[Laughter]
Keith: That's fine, I think my cat probably wants food [Austin: Yeah] and that's why she won't leave me alone.
Austin: Let's take a 5 minute break and think through what we want to do here.
Art: Yeah.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: All right. Sounds good. We'll be right back.
Jack: Bye.
Art: Probably 20-25 minutes.
Keith: Okay.
Jack: Do we want to stop— no we should leave the recorders going, right?
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Art: Yeah, and as ever, if you hear a secret person sneaking around my house, tell me when I get back.
Keith: Yeah, of course.
Jack: Ok, will do.
[pause as Art leaves]
Sylvia: We're not gonna betray the secret person sneaking around Art's house, right?
Jack: No.
Sylvia: Ok, good.
Keith: Did you call him Zart?
Sylvia: No—
[Laughs]
Jack: That’s the secret person.
Sylvia: I have struggled with a stutter my entire life, and sometimes that results in calling my friends Zart.
Keith: [Laughs] I think it's an improvement. Zarthur. It's very sci-fi.
Sylvia: We should pitch it to him when he gets back.
Keith: It's like that... like, early 70s to early 80s sci-fi, where everything is just Earth stuff with an extra letter.
Jack: Yeah. Zardoz, we're thinking of Zardoz.
Sylvia: It's also very, like, if George R. R. Martin wrote sci-fi, cause a lot of his names are just like, this is a name from Earth but also with, like, an extra letter tossed in there.
Keith: [overlapping] Pronounced a little weird. Yeah.
Sylvia: There's... animals I believe are called "zorses", which are zebra horses.
Jack: Oh my god. I... [trails off]
Keith: Z is also the most sci-fi letter.
Jack: What, more than X? Yeah, probably more than X.
Keith: I think so. Like, you can make anything sound like a cheesy 1973 sci-fi movie by changing a letter to z or adding a z... A zisco hall.
Sylvia: Oh god.
Keith: Zisco, space disco.
Sylvia: [laughs] It is called a zorse, and just... they're horses that are striped.
Keith: Uh, sorry Jack, what were you about to say.
Jack: An alien name that I want... that I've been saving— I've never put an actual, like a ridiculous alien in a show. Both the things where ridiculous aliens could have shown up, I wasn't involved with, which I think are are "Lasers and Feelings" and "Aliens in the Outfield". And the alien name that I really want is "Grelt", which is G-R-E-L-T. [Laughter].
Keith: Which is, by the way, it's a space tuna melt, is a tuna grelt.
Jack: Oh, yeah, absolutely. He hates his name. God, you think they have tuna in space? Probably?
Keith: They have tuna or they have something very like tuna called zuna.
Jack: Yeah. Uhuh. Yeah.
Keith: Uhm. I like a tuna melt, frankly.
Jack: I love a tuna melt.
Keith: Yeah. Yep. Canned tuna, I think, is a little bit underrated. Tuna sushi, I believe, is a little bit overrated.
Jack: No, I like tuna sushi. I like how big—
Keith: [overlapping] I love sushi but— what's that?
Jack: I like how big tuna are. [Keith: That's true] That's pleasurable for me to think about. The idea of a fish the size of a car.
Keith: Well, I think there's so many… [Sylvia: God.] fish that taste better raw, and also, tuna is really overfished, and is also really expensive. [Jack: Yes.] And so, it's expensive, and they're overfished, and also, bad tuna is really flavorless. Like if you get bad sushi tuna, it just doesn't taste like anything. Uhm, and it's like, “I just paid six dollars for two pieces of tuna that taste like nothing.” Underrated is mackerel.
Austin: Mackerel's underrated?
Jack: Mackerel's really good.
Keith: Mackerel sushi is super underrated.
Jack: [overlapping] Oh, I just saw the zorse that Sylvia... [chuckles]
Sylvia: Yeah. It's really...
Keith: Oh, there's a picture of the zorse.
Jack: That is a zebra [British pronunciation].
Austin: I am sorry to tell you this, but what you're talking about here is a zebra [American pronunciation].
Sylvia: Yeah!
Austin: Or a zebra [British pronunciation].
Sylvia: [overlapping] You just called them zebras— Oh, yeah. He just really called them zorses.
Austin: Why does he call them zorses? Where does the Z come from?
Jack: Space! Because they're zebra horses. That's his whole thing.
Keith: Yeah, I was talking about... Sylvia[1] accidentally called Art "Zart" [Sylvia: Zart, yeah.], and I was talking about how, basically how you turn something into a sci-fi name in, like, a cheesy movies from the early 70s to early 80s, is to just add a Z onto it.
Austin: Right. I see.
Keith: So, Zarthur is a very sci-fi… name.
Austin: It is! Zarthur, yeah. If there had to be, for instance, a... someone here who's going to interrogate Sovereign Immunity, they could be called Zarthur.
Keith: Yeah.
Sylvia: I will say, I looked down to see if there were any other funny animal names from Game of Thrones, and they kinda redeem themselves with giant turtles called "The Old Men of the River".
Austin: [crosstalk] That's a good name!
Jack: [crosstalk] Brilliant. Yeah.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] But like—
Jack: We fought one of those in Spring in Hieron, didn't we, Keith?
Austin: Yeah. I think so.
[laughter]
Jack: On the way to the Isles of Flight.
[Agreements, more laughter]
Sylvia: I love that the only art of it is one in pain and I'm really upset about it.
Jack: Oh that sucks.
Keith: Yeah, very Monster Hunter.
Austin: Very, uhh— why did you talk about the Old Men of the River and not the “Phantom Tortoise”?
Sylvia: Oh, I didn't see that.
Austin: There's a Phantom Tortoise.
[Laughs]
Jack: By Andrew Lloyd Webber. [Laughs] Will be playing on Broadway for decades.
Keith: Why do they know that a turtle is called a tortoise, but they called another one an old man on a river?
Austin: I think it's a specific type of...
Jack: Yeah, I think that's the old man, we're talking about the old man here.
Sylvia: It's historical accuracy, or whatever.
Jack: Right.
Austin: Yeah. Yeah. Right, thank you.
[Chuckles and pause]
Keith: Is that why they call that jellyfish a man o' war instead of just a war-jellyfish?
Austin: Maybe.
Jack: Portuguese man o' war. Why do they call them that I wonder?
Sylvia: I actually have a bunch of man o' war reference pictures saved, leading up to PARTIZAN, cause i was like—
Austin: Considered being..?
Sylvia: No, cause I was thinking of it like... making the cables in my mech look like that.
Austin: Ooooh.
Jack: Wow.
Keith: Horrible. Horrible creatures.
Sylvia: Yeah. They're nightmares. I love it.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: They just float around and if they touch you, you might die.
Austin: Yeah.
[15:00]
Keith: Yeah. They're horrible. [Austin: Honestly…] I mean, it's a reference to like, the boat, the big combat boat.
Jack: Oh, sure.
Austin: Also, that they kill you.
Keith: Yeah, also might kill you, but I don't understand... they don't look similar to me. I'm not, like, reminded of a Man o' war naval vessel, when I look at this thing. Also, I'm looking at pictures now, the tendrils are so long!
Austin: Yeah I know and—
Jack: And they touch you, you die.
Austin: —and you die. The smartest thing Bioware ever did was look at these and go "those are aliens. Just put those in the way they are. Those are aliens, they are in Mass Effect now. Just one of these."
Jack: Make them pink!
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Make them pink. They are pink sometimes, just scroll down on the wikipedia page, one of them is pink.
Keith: That's not the first time that they did that. Remember Dantooine on KOTOR, just had fucking, uhm... sting rays flying in the sky?
Austin: Oh, yeah. It did. It did...
Sylvia: That's an alien now.
Keith: Bird.
Austin: Yeah, that's a bird. What is that, that's a— are they still called rays? Or—
Keith: I don't know that they were ever mentioned. No one had been like, [acting surprised] “aah, this is my first time on Dantooine and what is that?”
Austin: Uh, are you thinking about a Brith? They're called Brith?
Keith: They're called Brith.
Austin: B-R-I-T-H. Uh, and they first appeared in KOTOR, and they appeared in KOTOR 2, and that is it. Never again.
Jack: Oh, that's a manta ray.
Austin: Yeah, that's a manta ray. [chuckles] With like a bigger front... thing. If you zoom in.
Jack: And they live in the air, rather than the sea.
Austin: Yes.
Austin: [overlapping] They're similar...
Keith: Like, they fly, they just flap through the sky.
Austin: They're of course similar to the Felucian flying mantis.
Jack: Of course! Yeah, totally. And to a lesser extent the Thrantas of Alderaan.
Austin: Right. Of course. Thranta is a manta...
Jack: This is exactly what Sylvia was talking about.
Austin: This is literally the same thing.
[Chuckles]
Jack: Also Thrantas are also Cliff Racers?
Austin: That's a cliff racer! Or... or a Dinotopia.
Jack: [agreeing] Or a Dinotopia. Isn't it amazing—I think about this a lot—how all the dinosaurs in Dinotopia are called “Dinotopias”.
Austin: Dinotopias. Yeah.
Jack: That's a tall Dinotopia, that's a biting Dinotopia.
[Austin shivers]
Jack: Argh, I hate them.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: Oh, the biting ones are the worst because they'll... they'll bite.
Austin: They'll bite. You.
Jack: Look, Keith. I'm gonna say it. I think the biting ones are the worst of most every species.
Keith: Uhm, so I don't... I don't watch Jimmy Kimmel's show ever... I might have talked about this before.
Austin: Jimmy Kimmel Live, you mean?
Keith: Jimmy Kimmel's... yeah, his talk show.
Jack: With Jimmy Kimmel?
Keith: Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel Live with Jimmy Kimmel. [Austin: Mhm] Uhm.. But.. a segment I did watch on YouTube—
Austin: [overlapping] Oh, do you mean Emmy-winning Funny Man Jimmy Kimmel?
Keith: Emmy-winning Funny Man... Yeah, Sarah Silverman's ex, Jimmy Kimmel, has a television talk show, [Austin snickers in the background] uhm.. and I don't ever watch it, but I do watch the clips of the talk show stable of inviting an animal guy onto your show [Jack: Mm] to talk about an animal and have an animal on your shoulder.
Sylvia: Oh, that's great.
Jack: And the animal's there.
Keith: He is terrified of animals.
Austin: Really?
Keith: And it makes for a very funny segment because he keeps agreeing to do it, and the guy... the very, very handsome animal guy, that they bring on to do this segment, is really really good at getting Jimmy to be afraid, by always insisting that it's okay to hold them and then as soon as he's holding them, Jimmy will ask a question—like, this is a verbatim thing—like, “here hold 'em.”
Keith (as Jimmy Kimmel): "Is it safe?"
Keith (as animal guy): "Yeah."
Keith (as Jimmy Kimmel): "Will they bite?"
Keith( as animal guy): "Oh yeah, he'll bite."
[Laughter]
Keith: And it's like, anything with a mouth will bite you. Is, I think, uh, his quote.
Austin: That's true!
Jack: Mm, it's true.
Keith: Yeah! Uh, but... [crosstalk] Anyway, that’s a fun segment.
Jack: [crosstalk] Once my dad got bit by a pig.
Austin: Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Keith: I guess my point is, every version of a species is the biting one.
Austin: Is the biting, right, yeah.
Austin: Uhm. Are we all back?
Keith: Right circumstances, I'll bite someone!
Jack: Art is not—yeah, exactly! Art is not back. I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
[pause]
Keith: I got this... I got my quiet kettle back, so no more beeping.
Austin: Good, nice.
Keith: Yeah. I had to get a new stove, cause the other one was shitty.
[pause]
Keith: Ugh, I'm so tired today, I've been sleeping terribly.
Austin: Same, same. It's been rough.
Keith: Like, for a little while, right before I got sick, my sleep schedule was back on point after months and months of going to bed at 6 in the morning.
Austin: Uhm... Yeah, that is the thing that has happened to me, the holiday completely wrecked me, and just completely ruined my schedule.
Keith: Yeah. I had done a really effective, like, I guess, cold turkey thing. I woke up, uhm, I went grape-picking with a friend, and it was at like 6 in the morning, 6:30 in the morning. And having to get up at 6:30 in the morning and having to spend the whole day awake, fixed my sleep schedule in one shot, basically. [Austin: Mhm] And it was good for two months, and then I got sick and couldn't sleep cause I felt so terrible. And now it's back to like, it's 3 in the morning and I’m like “I should go to bed!”
Austin: I should go to bed, yep!
Keith: And it's like, oh, I'm just awake in bed for... either I ignore that impulse or I'm awake in bed for 3-4 hours.
Austin: Yeah, right, also you still just can't sleep. [Keith: Yeah] That's the problem.
Keith: Yeah. In the winter I get really bad post-nasal drip, and being sick makes it even worse, so I'm just lying in bed, swallowing phlegm, for three hours. It's terrible.
Austin: Ugh. I'm finally at the age where I have, uhm... what do you call it? Uhm, acid reflux? (Keith: Oof) Which sucks because I like spicy food a lot. [Keith: Yeah!] It's fine— It doesn't happen directly after spicy food, and it doesn't happen if I haven't had spicy food in a while, uhm, but, really the big thing is that it happens if I try to sleep too soon after eating. Which had made me— is forcing me to adopt more healthy time, like, eating schedule. But when you have bad sleeping schedule, your eating schedule gets bad, too. Uhm...
Keith: Yes. Totally. It's like, you're at bed 3:30 in the morning...
Austin: [overlapping] Yes. And I’ll eat at midnight...
Keith: ...which means dinner time is midnight.
Austin: Yeah, exactly. And then...
Keith: I do this exact same thing.
Austin: And then there's a day where you have to go to bed at 2, where you try to go to bed at two, and you go like uugh, I feel like shit cause I'm laying down, which is putting acid in my esophagus, and that hurts and that's gonna make me not fall asleep. [Keith: Yeah]. Which... it loops like that.
Keith: And then, the other part of it, is like, I like the part of the day when it is dark and quiet and nobody's up and I can just kinda fiddle around and do what I want.
Austin: [overlapping] Me too! It's my favorite part of the day. That's when I get everything done.
Keith: And, when I do it in the morning, it feels really good, when I get up at like 7 o'clock in the morning. It feels great. but it's so much easier to do it from the other end.
Austin: 100 percent. I love—
Keith: It just feels more natural.
Austin: Yes.
Keith: But it also feels worse.
Austin: Yes. All of this is true for me. if I could work from 6 am to 9 am, take a nap, wake up at 5 pm [chuckles] like go to sl— [Keith starts laughing] , If I could— If I was just totally nocturnal.
Keith: [still laughing] Just cut out the whole middle part of the day?
Austin: Just cut out the day. I'd be great, I'd get so much done. I also know that part of the reason that I'm like, laying in bed— 2 reasons why I'm laying in bed and wasting time and not getting shit done, is 1: Having quit my job and given myself my own schedule means I'm going to take the worst version of that on days where I don't have a meeting with someone or a scheduled appointment or a stream or a recording of a podcast. Uhm... The other half of it is it's the Winter and I'm not getting as much Vitamin D as I need to, even if I'm taking daily vitamins.
Keith: Yeah... I—
Austin: And it just feels bad.
Keith: I— I'm.. I'm seasonally affected.
Austin: Oh are you? Ok, good. Love it. Love to be seasonally affected. Especially in a year where the season doesn't make any fucking sense besides the light. [Keith: Yeah, I have—] The light is the only part that's been consistent to me.
Keith: I have the D all year round but the SA...
Austin: Woof.
[Both chuckle]
Austin: Underscores it. It's rough.
Austin: Uh, that's the Something Awful disorder.
[Keith laughs, Jack comes back.]
Jack: Mhm, yeah. It's bad but some of the Let's Play's are good.
Austin: Yes. Yes.
Jack: Uhm, it was hailing earlier in the U.K. today. Uhm.. which doesn't—
Austin: That's no good.
Keith: Hale is very weird.
Jack: It leads to one of my favorite things to see weather do—one of my favorite visual effects of weather on the environment—which is hale bouncing in grass. [Austin: Mhm.] Looks incredible.
Austin: Yeaah.
Keith: Oh that's cool, I've never seen that.
Jack: Next time it hales—
Keith: I've only experienced hale twice in my life.
Jack: It happens, like, maybe three times a year. Not super frequent but not infrequent enough that I don't see it. And... because it makes this incredible hissing sound, and, there's just weird stuff bouncing in the grass.
Keith: That's cool. We get sleet [Jack: Oh], which is the miserable, cold, and uninteresting version of hale.
Jack: No, thank you. There's three ice weather..s. There's snow. The best one.
Austin: I don't think I really understood the difference.
Keith: Hale is when water freezes—
Jack: [overlapping] Well, Austin. Here we go!
Keith: In the cloud and falls. Sleet is when rain freezes as it's coming down.
Austin: [overlapping] On the way… Ooh.
Keith: And so hale is—
Austin: What's groble? Grapple? [Jack: What?] Grawp— Graupel? [This stuff: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graupel]
Keith: I think that's a fruit-hybrid between a grapefruit and an apple.
[Laughs]
Austin: Are you sure it's not snowflakes that collect supercooled water droplets on their surface?
Keith: Oh, that also sounds right.
Austin: I've never heard of this before.
Keith: So, that's why hale can get really big, which is one of my favorite things, is to hear weathermen describe the size of—or anyone describe—
Jack: [crosstalk] Oh, it's the size of an apple!
Keith: ...compare.. it's a golfball! They're the size of grapes. All these ones are raisins.
Austin: [crosstalk] Yes, I see. Yes, yes.
Keith: They're the size of bowling balls!
Jack: Bowling balls is terribly bad.
Austin: Uhm... yes, I see.
Jack: Austin, do you follow the twitter account that has been doing the rounds recently which is "Scientific Illustrations That Look Like Shitposts"?
Austin: No. [chuckles]
Jack: It's a whole— It has 36.000 followers on twitter. It's incredible. Uh...
Austin: Oh I see it, oh my god, these are good.
Keith: I haven't seen this either.
Jack: My favorite recent one is—Austin, let me know if you can see them—is the comparison between an automobile and a porpoise.
Austin: Love it.
Jack: That one's really good.
Austin: I... you know what? We've had that conversation. About tuna. So, I appreciate.
Jack: I like the chick that says "No Fear" under it.
[Austin laughs]
Keith: Wait, where am I looking?
Jack: Go to the twitter account @scienceshitpost.
Keith: Underscore?
Austin: No.
Jack: Nope.
Austin: Just one word.
[pause and quiet laughing]
Austin: These are all very— [snorts] "A Field Guide to Roadside Wildflowers at Full Speed" How is this real?? That looks—That's great.
[Keith laughs loudly]
Austin: “George Washington crossing the Delaware as seen by a trout.” This is just good. Yeah, uhuh.
[More laughing and snorting]
Austin: Some of these are shitposts. 100 percent. "Well prepared cat", a cat with a parachute on.
Jack: This one's very pure. I quite enjoy this one.
Keith: I like the seagull.
Austin: That one's very pure. The bird... the frill of this cardinal, or whatever.
Keith: Oh, uh, which cardinal?
Austin: One of these is Fero. This electromagnetic field ferret. Fero made this. I'm pretty sure.
Jack: Austin, was this the seagull that you were talking about?
Austin: Which one, oh I had not seen that seagull. Good seagull.
Keith: The Die Randomly seagull?
Austin: No—also that one but—
Jack: This seagull is going around and around a wave, I think.
Austin: I think that's true.
Jack: Oh my god.
Keith: [laughs] Did you see the homemade peanut made by two tennis balls taped together.
Austin: [from far away] Yeah! Yeah, that's science. [comes close] That's science.
Keith: That's science.
[Austin sighs]
Keith. Okay, I see the electromagnetic field ferret now, that's good.
Austin: I really like copper II sulfate, have you seen this one?
Jack: No.
Austin: I'm just gonna paste the image—oh my god, that aerodynamics of a cow is great! Uhm, I like this person from the 70s saying "Well hello little chemical, what's your name?" And the chemical says [robotically] "copper II sulfate."
[more laughing]
Austin: These are great. These are fantastic images.
Keith: I also really like how the scan messed up the letters.
Austin: Yes. Yes. CHEMMical.. what's youuur name.
Keith: That's really funny.
Austin: There needs to be more of these. How did this get up to 36.000 followers so quick?
Jack: I think it went tremendously viral.
Austin: God.
Keith: W— I wonder which one of these went so viral? Let’s see.
Austin: Oh, good question. That's a good question.
Keith: So, the one that you— the “copper II sulfate” is pretty big, that was 6000.
Austin: Oh, that might be it.
Keith: Electromagnetic field, 7.7... Oh, the underpant worn by the rat! [laughs] Is about 10 thousand.
Austin: Fair. You know what? Fair.
Jack: [quietly begins laughing] I hadn't seen that the caption is "underpant worn by the rat"
[more laughing]
Jack: The underpant—
Austin: THE underpant!
Keith: The underpant!
Austin: [still laughing] ...Worn by the rat.
Keith: Honestly, the, mouse sort of squished to the floor, with the arrow that says "failure". I feel like that one is begging to be viral.
Austin: I bet we could make that go viral.
Keith: I can't believe that none of these went more viral than 10.000.
Jack: What I like about "Figure 1: The underpant worn by the rat", is that it definitely implies "Figure 2: The underpant."
[Laughing]
Austin: Yes.
Keith: I like that it has a little antenna on it.
Jack: If a rat wore underpants would it wear them like this?
[pause]
Jack: Extremely good. Yeah, "followed by Austin Walker and Keith J. Carberry."
Austin: [overlapping] Yeah, I did it just now. It just happened.
Sylvia: [coming back] Oh, yeah, and now I also just followed it, thank you.
Austin: Absolutely.
Jack: Who knew? I guess anyone who's ever looked at a science textbook knew, but it's good to see them...
Austin: Yeah, it is. It is.
Jack: Also, uh, Chelsea Manning just tweeted, did you see this Chelsea Manning tweet, Austin?
Austin: No.
Jack: Still pretty furious about this spectacular disaster that was Fallout 76. Confused emoji, rainbow, two hearts.
Sylvia: [Sylvia laughs] Oh my god, what the hell.
Austin: Is Chelsea... Is Chelsea still in jail??
Jack: Yes, I believe so.
Austin: You know what, shoutouts to her. Shoutouts to her spedning her twitter time...
Jack: Shoutouts to Chelsea Manning! [Sylvia: Ah!]
Austin: [crosstalk] ...dragging Fallout 76.
Jack: God, Fallout 76 sucked.
Austin: God, amazing. Queen shit.
Sylvia: Yeah, honestly.
Jack: [surprised] Wow! Sylvia?
Sylvia: Yes?
Jack: I mention this to you because you mentioned it earlier. I believe that National Treasure 3 is being made!
Sylvia: Holy shit! That's—
Jack: National Treasure 3 is reportedly in development at Disney with creatives behind "Bad Boys for Life" attached to the project.
Sylvia: [disappointed] Oh god.
Austin: [in the background] Chris Brenner is writing the—
Sylvia: That makes sense but—
Austin: [interrupting] I hear that movie is alright! I hear that new Bad Boys movie is okay.
Sylvia: Oh good! I'm glad.
Austin: Yeah.
Sylvia: Cause I just... Michael Bay... [Austin: Yeah.] ...I immediately, you know...
Austin: Yeah. Uhuh. I get you.
Jack: [in the background] Is that by Michael Bay?
Keith: [crosstalk] I stepped away for a second, what are we glad about?
Austin: National Treasure 3 [Jack: Oh.] exists. Or is being made.
Keith: Oh, awesome.
Sylvia: I know that they've had a script a while back. [Austin: Mhm.] But like—
Jack: Oh, for real?
Sylvia: Yeah, but this is probably a different one.
[multiple people start talking but stop]
Keith: Has anyone... has anyone read the Grownups 3 script?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] The time travel one?
Keith: [crosstalk] The time travely one?
Jack: [crosstalk] Oh, I saw it got released, but I haven't read it.
Keith: Yeah, I haven't read it either. Everyone that I follow that is a comedian really loves it, but... I haven't seen Grownups 1 and 2, and I was like, “should I spoil myself with the one written by someone I think is pretty funny?”
Sylvia: The thing is...
Austin: The Grownups, uh, Cinematic Universe.
Sylvia: The thing is when something is loved by a lot of comedians, I, like, it goes one of two ways, which is either "oh this is actually really good", or, ]disappointed] "oh, okay..." [Austin: Mhm.].
Keith: Yeah... Well I have systematically unfollowed about 90% of the comedians that I used to follow. Because they're all garbage now. Or at least really annoying to follow. [Sylvia laughs] Uhm. So, I mostly, or at least, trust my timeline a little bit more than I would have maybe in 2017 or 2016. [Austin: Yeah].
[pause]
Keith: Lot of really disappointing unfollows, too bad comedians suck and are boring and annoying now.
Jack: You know what they always say, the function of comedy is to uphold [laughs] the standard method, you know, of discourse and be unthreatening.
Keith: Uhm.
Jack: It's like the hippocratic oath for comedians.
Keith. Yeah.
Sylvia: It's uhm... yeah fuck. I think it was Patti Harrison in an interview talked about how much she hates "clapter", which is more just like, when you make a social point and people clap instead of laughing.
Jack: Mmm!
[Keith laughs]
Jack: When you're up on stage and you say a joke [Keith: Yeah.] and then the audience is like, "yes, yes, clap, clap, clap".
Sylvia: Yeah.
Keith: A joke that isn't funny but just designed to be agreed with.
Sylvia: Yeah! Right? Like, I need to find the interview she did, I don't remember what publication it was in. But it was really good.
Keith: There's a good version of that [Sylvia: Sure.], which doesn't exist as much anymore, like, if you watch an old, like, a George Carlin thing, and he'll do a politics bit, and at each stage of the joke there's, and at the punchline there's applause break.
Austin: Right.
Keith: Like, that is different. But there are definitely just people who get up and make a point. And then people, like, clap. Cause they agree or don't know what else to do.
[Pause]
Keith (as the pretend audience): "He stopped talking, but it wasn't funny, what do we do?"
[Laughing]
Sylvia: Ok, I found it. "Perfect Number" magazine. It was bugging me. It's a good interview. I love Patti Harrison. She straight up just says, "Yeah, it's good if you're using your platform to share progressive ideas but clapter—I do comedy to make people laugh, and that doesn't make me laugh, and clapter is cringy to me sometimes." And I'm like yeah.
Austin: Fair.
Sylvia: That's kinda comedy, now... [Austin: Yeah] I'm very with the... [trails off]
Keith: Uhm, Patton Oswalt is gonna have the distinction of being a comedian that I unfollowed for being a shitbag…
Austin: [overlapping] Yeah. Uhuh.
Keith: ...refollowed because he apologized for his specific shitbagginess, [Sylvia: Oh no.] and then I'm gonna unfollow him for just being annoying.
Austin: Mhm. The wrap-around on Patton is wild, because i feel like he was one of the first people to jump in the like... [caricaturing Patton's voice] "Political correctness? Listen man!”
Keith: [overlapping] Yes and he's been doing that since the 90s.
Austin (still in the voice): “Tosh.0 can say whatever he wants to. He's a comedian. And if he wants to make [snorts] 'bad' jokes, comedy is risk-taking."
Sylvia: “I don't agree with what you're saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
Jack: Mmm!
Austin: Right. And then—
Jack: I love it when people say that.
Sylvia: Yeah, me too. It's so much fun.
Austin: He did eventually apologize for that, and also, he should—
Keith: And for some specific things he said [Austin: Yes], like, he was doing that on his twitter, too. Like, people were complaining about him, to him. Like, "I'm your fan and what you're saying is making me feel like shit", and he'd be like [caricaturing voice] "you're censoring me! I'm gonna make ten jokes about exactly the thing you told me not to to prove a point.”
Austin: Yes. Yeah. Extremely, Penny Arcade-type pettiness bullshit type shit. And then I'll say, like, a year and a half ago, I went like, oh, maybe I should refollow him. I've seen a few of his tweets on his timeline, that seem okay. And then in the last six months, I've wrapped back around to, like, “never in my life”. I've made the right decision to leave—
Keith: Just for being annoying now. Just, like—
AustiN: Yes. Yeah. Very #TheResistance-type aesthetic. Which is weird, it's weird that that's an aesthetic. It's extremely an aesthetic.
Keith: Yeah, it is. Uhm. Have any of you seen the, uh, Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans “Resistance Grifters” video?
Austin: No.
Keith: It's very funny. They were the guys that got a lot of attention for— everyone thought their Bloomberg dance was real?
Sylvia: Yeah!
Keith: Which was hilarious, because I've known them for years as comedians, and watching that story blow up was hysterically funny. But they have a video, of like, that is like— It's like a pitch video for them as the "Resistance Grifters". [Austin: Oh.] It's pretty good. But it's like, yeah—
Austin: Oh, [laughs] this Bloomberg dance! I wish this was real!
Keith: Have you not seen that?
Austin: No.
Keith: So, they did that at a comedy show, they had everybody do that dance, to make fun of the Pete Buttigieg dance. [Austin: Yeah, yeah.]. And, immediately it went viral, and immediately reporters reported on it as if it was real. Uh, and then it went viral again, when people thought it was real, and then it went viral again when they did an interview, to be like "no, it wasn't real, you fucking idiots!". Like, and making fun of journalists, who in two seconds could have been like, "oh these are comedians."
Sylvia: It's so clearly in a venue for like, improv or some shit.
Austin: 100 percent. That's a UCB, for sure.
Keith: The tweet.. the tweet before the video was posted, was a tweet advertising the comedy show [Sylvia laughs] that was to be at the time the video was posted.
Austin: Amazing.
Sylvia: Oh my god.
Keith: Hold on let me get to—
Art: [coming back] Talking about... talking “Moves like Bloomberg”?
[multiple people say yes]
Keith: Yeah. I saw you tweeting about it, Art, and I was like, "Does Art know this is fake?" I have known these two for—
Art: My tweet was not about it being real, my tweet was just making a joke about Mike Bloomberg being an asshole.
Keith: No, that's true. But you had a follow-up tweet about it, I saw.
Austin: Can I say, I hadn't seen the Buttigieg dance until just now.
Jack: Oh!?
[Startled noises]
Austin: It is incredible!
Keith: It is so... sad? I think. I think one of these is sad?
Jack: [crosstalk] It is a please clap moment...
Austin: [crosstalk] Oh, my god...
Sylvia: [crosstalk] No, it's really depressing.
Austin: Say that again, Jack? What did you say?
Jack: It's a "please clap" moment, like with, was it Jeb Bush saying "please clap". That's exactly the same thing.
Austin: [overlapping] Oh. Aahh. Aah, I saw the version that was on a stage. Did you see that version?
Jack: No. What? I just saw in like a really depressing room.
Austin: Ok, no—
Keith: I saw it in a field?
Austin: I saw it in a field, too. I saw it in a field too. I hadn't seen this version of it. This version, I mean, I’m sorry— I hadn't seen it at all until a moment ago. The moment ago I saw it in a field, and the field I think it made perfect sense—not perfect sense, it's terrible, but it's a bunch of teen... "19-year olds for Pete!" which, their lost hope. This version of it, where, there's a project—
Jack: This is the depressing version I'm talking about.
Austin: The depressing room, with a projection, that says "High Hopes Dance", is the funniest thing.
Keith: Oh my god, that's so funny.
Jack: So, I wanna break down—
Sylvia: Yeah, that's the one I was thinking of.
Jack: —why this is sad to me. Firstly, the room is very depressing. [Sylvia: It's—] It has that of like, [Austin: Oooh.] that hotel meeting room lighting. [Austin: Yep!] The second thing is that the stage is absolutely tiny. The third thing is that the fact that there is a powerpoint presentation slide called "High Hopes Dance", means that the person who was kind of comparing this meeting clicked this slide, and said, "and now we've got something which we think is really fun, it's like a little joke, it's like a little fun thing. It'll help us stretch our legs. And show our support for, (Keith: Teambuilding.) uh, Mayor Pete.” Yeah, and then the music blasted, everyone says, "on your feet everyone!"
Austin: You saw the videos right?
Jack: [in the background] Oh my god.
Keith: And the last thing, is the idea of people being very excited for Pete Buttigieg. Is the other thing.
Austin: Yes.
Jack: Yes, oh yeah yeah yeah. I would say that is the core—
Austin: Can I add another one here—
Sylvia: He's not about to come out here, right? He's not—
Keith: No, he has publicly refused to do this dance. [Austin sighs, Jack laughs] Which is both hilariously cynical of him, but also the right move. Because if there was footage of him doing this dance, he would be, I think, laughed at until he died.
Austin: Yeah.
Sylvia: I'm just gonna say that this is, satire, and a joke, before I say it, but I will make Pete Buttigieg do the dance at gunpoint. I swear to god.
[Laughs]
Austin: “And that is my platform, vote for me!” Uh, I love that he room is half-empty [Keith: Yeah!] That is the thing that I love.
Jack: That is also sad.
Austin: In a full room—
Sylvia: And they're all spread out.
Austin: ...In a full room, you could not do this dance, because you would hit your neighbor. Here, very easy to do. Whole rows with one person in them.
Sylvia: Well, that's what’s so funny about—
Art: Well, if you really had your shit together, because you're going in the same direction. [Austin: Right. True]. So a very coordinated room could do it.
Sylvia: [crosstalk]: Also, it’s really funny in the Moves Like—
Keith: Speaking of empty rooms, where's Deval Patrick's dance?
Sylvia: The Moves Like Bloomberg video is really good because there's no space.
Austin: Right.
Jack: Yeah. Yes.
Sylvia: They're all just cramped in there, trying to do the stupid dance.
Austin: God. [pause] It's very good. I'm now rewatching that.
Jack: They're like the smear on the lens on the lights in this Buttigieg video. It's so bad.
Art: I'm so mad that he's still a thing. [Keith: Yeah.] That I had to learn how to pronounce his last name is like— [Austin: Yeah…] the failure of 2019.
Austin: Did you see that thread, about how... Did you see that thread from someone claiming to have gone to school with him?
Art: Yes.
Keith: Yep.
Sylvia: Oh...
Keith: It's very g— Yeah.
Austin: Wh-who can say if—
Keith: I can say it. That's real. That shit's real.
Austin. [laughing] It sounded very real to me. [Keith: Yep.]. But one of the things suggested by this thread was that he, in fact, changed the pronunciation of his name numerous times throughout his youth, in a way... and then again—
Keith: He had it focus tested!
Austin: Right, that is the particular thing. He had it focus tested. [Sylvia: Ugh.] And one thing I will say, this country is racist, and absolutely has a problem with names that are not easy to pronounce according to, you know, American English. Uh, Pete Buttigieg is a white dude. A white dude with terrible politics, who has done bad things. I don't really feel super bad about people struggling to pronounce his name. What I don't like is the idea that he would have it focus tested to find the version that is most electable. You know?
Sylvia: That's the problem! [Austin: Yes!] Trust me, changing your name is fine!
Austin: 100 percent!
Jack: Mhm.
Austin: 100 percent.
Art: If he gets the nomination, and he won [Austin: And he won.] [Keith: No.] We'll for sure find out about the changing, like, you'll see everyone he ever knew.
Keith: I... sort of feel like he is a ghost that only exists on the news. [Austin laughs] I just feel like—
Jack: Oh, he's not real?
Keith: N— well, him as a presidential candidate is irrelevant. Uhm, it seems relevant because he's in the news all the time, because they love him [Austin: They love him, yeah.]. It's like an Amy Klobuchar thing, like, she's never gonna get anywhere ever, there's no point to her whole thing. But because she's in the news all the time it seems like a thing.
Art: I mean, this is only gonna be true for a couple more weeks, and I understand that I'm comparing things that aren't the same, but more people listen to our show than have ever voted for Pete Buttigieg for anything.
[Laughter]
Keith: Woww!
Austin: I don't think that's true, is that true?
Keith: That is tr— [Jack: Yeah!] that is totally true, yeah.
Jack: [crosstalk] The...
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Fuck you, Pete Buttigieg!
Art: [crosstalk] ...was elected with like no votes.
Sylvia: [crosstalk] Fix that thread!
Jack: My favorite stat, Austin, is that more people voted in a dril poll that was "Which of the Three Stooges has the Biggest Ass?"
Austin: Oh my god this is—
[Everyone laughs]
Jack: “Larry”, “Curly”, “Moe”, “this question is lewd”. Those were the four options. [More laughing, clapping] More people voted for that than voted in Pete Buttigieg... [Even more laughing]
Art: [overlapping] Curly, right?
Keith: I bet... [laughs] I bet it was closer than his one state-wide race, that he... lost.
Jack: I think the winner is Curly. The second place, "this question is lewd". Then it's probably Moe.
Austin: Incredible. I didn't realize, what was his state-wide run? What did he run for at the state-wide run?
Keith: He ran for State Treasurer, that's why he joined the Navy for a few months. That was to pad his resume for being State Treasurer.
Austin: Yes. Good, great.
Keith: He was in the Navy for a couple months.
Austin: For a couple months... Right, the uh, Navy Reserve, right?
Keith: And then he went right back to, uh, uh, doing dumb politics shit.
Austin: Civil servant—service, you mean? [Keith: yeah, yeah.] This was before or after he was... this was all after he was a—
Keith: A, uh, jack-booted thug working for a fucking horrible consulting firm?
Austin: Yes.
Sylvia: Ugh.
Keith: This was after, I believe.
Austin: The Bread Cartel bit is so good.
Sylvia: I will kick your fucking ass, Pete Buttigieg. Cost my family money on bread.
Jack: Also, dance.
Keith: Tried to destroy the post office.
Sylvia: Yeah, also dance!
Austin: Also, do the dance.
Sylvia and Austin: Uhm..
Sylvia: Looking like a fucking, adult sized ventriloquist dummy.
Jack: He does, doesn't he? [Art: Yeah.]
Keith: The bread thing is bad, but I think the post office shit is worse.
Art: I don't know about the post office shit?
Sylvia: I mostly know about the bread thing because it's like, Canadian politics.
Art: He invented the post office. [Jack: Mmm!] He's the latest incarnation of Benjamin Franklin.
Keith. McKinsey... McKinsey, right, that's what it's called? McKinsey worked for— was being contracted by the post office, during a time when republicans were trying to force the post offices to close by pretending, like, the fact that it costs money to run the post office was a problem. And they, uh, I think they might have something to do with the bill, that was put forth, that was like, be solvent for retirement bonuses 75 years into the future, which cost them like trillions of dollars. And then—
Art: No, there's no way Pete was there then. Cause that's older than.. he's not old enough—
Keith: I thought that was, like, 2004, or something?
Art: Yeah, he's only a couple years older than me, and 2004 was—
Keith: Oh, okay. Well, the other thing was that they were, the post office were like, “hey we should sell, like, we should sell, we should have a little market and we should be able to cash checks here”, and McKinsey was like, “no, just sell greeting cards and gift cards.” But they wanted to have like, little convenience stores in post offices to raise money. Or maybe it was, they wanted to do that as a result of being portrayed as a money sinkhole because of that one bill. Uhm... and so they were like, what if we sold toothpaste and deodorant and cashed checks? Uhm..
Austin: God.
Keith: And McKinsey was like, no, sell greeting cards and post offices and raise your prices.
Austin: Did you know that Benjamin—
Keith: Anyway that totally fake idea that the post office should make money, it's a complete fiction—
Austin: Benjamin Franklin never would have allowed it!
Keith: Never would have allowed the post office to try and—
Austin: On this Benjamin Franklin day, we have to remember... [Jack: Mm.] [Art: Yeah.] All right, we should clap and come back to this show that we're doing. Uh, can we just do a 3-2-1-clap, just so that we have... so Ali can see we came back from this break? 3... 2... 1...
[claps]
Austin: Okay.
Keith: Strong clap.
Austin: Uhh, real quick, remember when I was like, oh, uhm, Callister Drive is wearing this sick Versace jacket?
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: I'm now getting—
Jack: Did it show up on a runway?
Austin: I'm now getting ads for that Versace jacket!
[Laughter]
Sylvia: Oh my god!
Jack: How much are we spending, Austin? $3000.
Austin: This is a deal!
Keith: You gotta buy both of them. You gotta have both the festive one and the formal one.
Austin: [overlapping] Yeah, you're right. Yeah, gotta get both.
Keith: So, seven thousand!
Austin: Seven thousand.
Jack: So, I'm spending 25 additional dollars for all that beautiful embroidery?
Austin: It's a deal. It's a steal. Half the price. Twice the price. [shifts voice] "Time is brisk wind, for each hour it brings something new, but who can understand and measure its sharp breath, its mystery and its design—"
Jack: Emily Dickinson.
Austin: Para- Paracelsus.
Keith: I thought you were just like, “fuck doing more Clapcast shit, let's just roll right into this.”
[Austin laughs]
Sylvia: I gotta say, a lot better than the quote we got last time.
Austin: Yeah, this one's good.
Jack: What did we get last time?
Sylvia: Oh, I don't know, it was just from J.K. Rowling, and whenever I see words from her I go cross-eyed—
Jack: Oh, fuck off.
Austin: Yeah, it was extremely fuck off. This motherfucker was apparently a pioneer in several aspects of the medical revolution of the Renaissance.
Jack: Well, good for them! You know they had to work everything out—
Austin: Father of toxicology.
Jack: Oh. Wow. And without him, we wouldn't have—
Austin: [overlapping] Also had a substantial impact as a prophet or a diviner!
Jack: Oh!
Austin: His prognostications being studied by the Rosicrucians of the 1600s. So, there you go. You know.
[Several snorts]
Jack: My prophecy: "Did you take arsenic? I think you will die!"
[Austin laughs]
Art: I've pulled up the quote from last time, I had it archived. It's, uh, J.K. Rowling on time: "I hate any queer people who talk about their lives and jews."
Austin: Good!
Jack: Oh.
[Laughter]
Art: I don't know what it has to do with time, but uh...
Sylvia: She actually wrote that at the beginning of every Harry Potter novel, and I don't know how people missed it!
Keith: Do we have to switch, now do we have to switch time websites, because that's not even about time. [Austin and Jack laughs] And they still put it up.
Sylvia: Well, the T in LGBT stands for time, [others laugh] so it's fine.
Austin: Right, God.
Sylvia: I'm the only one who can make that joke.
Austin: Yes!
Jack: Queer Futurity, here we are.
[Laughing]
Art: I sat through an entire job talk once on Trans Temporality, I think I might... [Sylvia laughs] I didn't think of it—
Austin: God. [Sylvia sighs] Woof. All right, we should clap.
Jack: Time to make smart decisions.
Austin: 15?
Sylvia: Oh, none of those. Yep.
Austin: Yeah.
[Claps]
Austin: Was that all of us?
Sylvia: I think so?
Art: I clapped.
Jack: I clapped. I did a big one.
Sylvia: Keith, did you clap?
Keith. Hello. Nope! Hello?
Sylvia: Okay!
Keith: Nope!
Austin: I could sense it. I could sense it. I—
Keith: It was... my thing..
Austin: [crosstalk] I know a five person clap.
Keith: [crosstalk] I cut out again.
Austin: That was not a five person clap. All right, ready to go again.
Keith: 40?
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: We can do that.
[silence and claps]
Art: Ooh, it sounded worse.
Austin: I know. It's all right.
Jack: I felt so good about the first one.
Keith: Do it again, 48!
Austin: No I've already closed [some claps] it. Remember we're doin— We're not.
Sylvia: Oh, ok.
Austin: Sorry, Art.
Sylvia: Sorry.
[outro music to end]
[1] The name in the audio recording is no longer in use, hence the audio/transcript discrepancy.