• How did we get here?

• Channel
• Discord
• ConverZations

• What's happening now?

• Estuary leaders are getting restless.
• Several estuaries are taking shape on the ground

• Who shows up at an estuary meetup?

• Church people with bigger questions than the average church is prepared to answer.
• Nones and dones who still have a need for community
• Remnants of Jordan Peterson followers who are looking for places to expand their intellectual horizons.

• What will they find in an average estuary meetup?

• Estuary leaders have been meeting for almost a year now and have discovered some best practices which seem to work well to create sustainable conversation communities.

• This is what we do:

• I invite the group to go around the circle...

• (Wherever possible, I try to arrange chairs in a circle. It helps me blend in with the group, and creates a sense of equality among the participants)

• … briefly introduce yourself, including your name, where you are from...

• (i.e. how far did you drive to get here. It gives me a sense of their level of commitment, and how often we can reasonably expect to see them)

• ...please, tell the group how you ended up here?

• (i.e. what experiences and/or exposure to different people led you to come here?)

• Anyone may feel free to pass. Silent observers are also most welcome…

Next, we proceed to a ritual we do every meeting, whether there are first timers or not:

I invite those present (although anyone may pass) to, again, go around the circle, and share with the group. I say:

• “Since the last time we were together (this gives first timers plenty of room!), what have you thought about, in one, or several, of the following four areas”:

• Intellectually: Books or articles you may have read, YT videos you may have watched, lectures you may have heard, conversations you may have participated in, etc. What stood out for you? What got your attention? What triggered you? What impressed you?
• Contextually: What happened where you live (community, church, sphere of influence, workplace), what was noteworthy in your local newspaper? What affected you and the people around you? (Floods, fires, earthquakes, explosions, riots, acts of kindness, judicial verdicts, elections, etc.)
• Personally: What happened to you personally? (birth of child, wedding, divorce, death in the family, moved to a different house, changed job, addictions, discoveries, etc.)
• Estuarily: What have you thought about in relation to your participation in this group? (What was particularly meaningful? What are you learning about being in an estuary group? What did you find irritating? What would you like to see happen differently, and why?)

*Before this gets underway, I remind those present that it is very important to listen well, as will become apparent prior to our next segment.

When everyone has had a chance to put something on the “table”, I say:

• “Let’s go around one more time, and, having heard all the different thoughts and topics that have been put on the table, share with the group which of those you would most like to pursue further, which did you find most interesting, which would you like most to learn more about, or say more about?”

Here is where I sometimes remind people of the importance of listening well to what others put on the table, “...so you can more knowledgeably “upvote” the topic that you want to engage with”.

This round of sharing gives everyone present an equal chance to steer the direction the conversation will take for the remainder of this meeting. (Participating in the estuary experience gives everyone the opportunity to develop/acquire agency, i.e. the power to make things happen. There may even be a mental health intervention here, in that participants may experience the opposite of “nobody cares what I think”). I never pre-select a topic. Nobody needs to prepare in advance. Somehow a topic will always emerge. It will be the topic most participants express a desire to explore.

Nine out of ten times, this round results in a sufficiently clear picture of what the group wants to talk about. If so, as the group's leader, or conversation facilitator, I have been known to simply say: “OK, let’s go!”, to get things underway.

If not, another round of topic clarification may be required, and we just do so.

To be sure, this kind of “content democracy” leaves some people a bit uncomfortable.

It works well for those high in openness, and for those who have internalized JBP rule 9 (in 12 rules) and assume that “The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t…”

It works less well for those who are looking for validation of personal beliefs and values, either from authoritative leaders, or previously agreed-upon rules or dogmas (truth). If you prefer to be taught by a credentialed authority, from an authorized canon, reflecting agreed-upon truth, the content democracy process outlined above may feel too much like “pooled ignorance” and a complete waste of time.

However, your critical question “Why bother?” deserves another look.

Why bother?

Ever since PVK began modelling the estuary experience on his YT channel, hundreds, perhaps even thousands of people have, in one way or another, joined the conversation. Whether it be by signing up for individual rando conversations with PVK himself, or by participating in local meetups, or by showing up on the Bridges of Meaning section of the Discord server, or chiming in on Friday morning’s online Q&A sessions, many people appear eager to engage with others in what is sometimes referred to as “meaning making”.

It is by no means clear, however, that such meaning necessarily emerges from the specific topics that rise to the top of the conversations. It appears that sometimes, perhaps often, such meaning emerges from the experience itself...

• the experience of gathering,
• the experience of being known by name, perhaps even by reputation,
• the experience of being heard, and taken serious,
• the experience of learning a new shared language,
• the experience of discovering that some, or many, of the questions that plague you, are, in fact, quite commonly asked by others in the group,
• the experience of having other people appreciate it when you put your very personal questions, your very personal journey, your very personal narrative, on the table, for others to compare notes with, and relate to, and often feel comforted by.

And so you keep showing up, and you keep comparing notes with others. In the end, it becomes almost inevitable that a form of real community is created, with real friendships, and meaningful connections.

To be sure, it is important we regularly remind ourselves that the estuary is a fragile ecosystem. It doesn’t take much for strong currents or crashing waves to completely alter the lay of the land. If new life-forms have begun to take root amidst shifting tides, it doesn’t take much to thoroughly uproot them and flush them out to sea.

There will always be a tendency for some people to want to attract other people to their preferred perspective or world-and-life view. This may result in the conversation becoming a kind of tug-of-war. If the dominant telos of the group leans towards proselytizing (for any perspective), this may affect attendance and participation.

This may be contained if the group can adopt “3L&R”* as a sufficient and adequate telos.

*listen, learn, love & respect

So come to listen…

Come to learn from each other…

Come with at least the intention to love, and respect, each person present.

With that attitude, we will have a good time in the swamp!

Feel free to contact me with questions or comments at john.vandonk@gmail.com