Here we go again. It’s that time of year when we look at the excesses we’ve committed during the holiday season and say “What the hell happened here”? “I thought I said I wasn’t going to spend that much? Wasn’t I supposed to be 20lbs lighter? Speaking fluent Mandarin?” Yep, you were going to learn to make the perfect flan/fold fitted sheets. “Where’s the more perfect me I promised myself?” Once again, you’ve made a mockery of the whole resolution process. You know what? So what? So @?!*% what?
Look at you. Look at overweight, not organized, still procrastinating balancing your checkbook and cleaning out your fridge, you. Oh. My. God. You’re not perfect! Hello, rest of humanity here, neither are we. Sometimes, we suck. Sometimes, we’re most excellent. And we forgive each other these small imperfections on a daily basis, without even thinking about it. Otherwise, every excursion outside our respective homes would be the real life Hunger Games. You, sir or madame, do fabulous things every day. Whether it’s a wonderful brunch, or sewing a perfect seam. Kids light up when you enter the room; pets know you are the bomb as a lover of all things furry, or scaly, or slimy. You have magic at your fingertips in getting printer jams cleared and you know how to change a tire. The mad skills you have regarding sink fixing, or sweeping the floor like a boss, deserve renown. You, in fact, rock. You rock your imperfect, so hard, people you don’t even know want to be just like you. Thusly, you’re worthy of every good thing coming your way this year.
Those projects aren’t you and completing them doesn’t complete you. Resolution goals are to enhance your already fabulous life and self. Just have fun. Conversational Mandarin? Do this: smile, genuinely, and nod. There. You’ve mastered saying hello and thank you in pretty much every language in creation except the bee dance. Obsessing over that last 5, 10, 15-40 lbs. Hug your fat roll. It’s a sign that you enjoy food, like any reasonable person. Integrate more walking in your day, choose water over soda or fruit juices and pass on things you know are treats. Learn when you’re hungry, as opposed to just eating because you’re bored, or stressed or you just think you should eat something. And leave it there. Believe me, model thin is not worth the pain. When you can witness 3 models sit down to a dinner of 2 bowls of miso and 3 cups of green tea with a sad resignation that this is all they’re going to get, you can only do do what I did. Order one more hamachi roll and some green tea mochi with adzuki sauce. In sympathy. For yourself.
Your bad urges have a part to play in your life. They kick in when you’re too stressed, when you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. You don’t feel like volunteering for one more committee? You’re not lazy, you’re probably juggling too much. Listen to the warning signals. That person you find it hard to hold a conversation with, because-yeesh, that person! Don’t torture yourself. It’s perfectly fine to apologize, excuse yourself and find another person to talk to. Say what you think, don’t hold back. You don’t have to be mean and it’s a perfect time to test that brain to mouth filter, but give in, say it. Free yourself from the urge to be nice all the time, healthy all the time and generally overachieving in that weird internal competition you’re having with people who have zero impact on your life. Be yourself and appreciate it. You’re the only you that’s ever going to exist.
Life is meant to be lived, imperfectly with a lot of mess. The only things that are perfect for more than a moment are preserved in amber or the grave. Now get out there and embrace your bad self.
Georgia Mckenzie is can fold fitted sheets. Fold in half, tuck corner parts into corner parts, fold the edges until properly square, then fold as normal flat sheet. You’re welcome.