Notes on startup life
1 intro
Commitment to be best communicator
Words you use matter
Core values
Rand seomoz method
One day per week come home by 7 and do no work
No more than 60 min of work per day on vaca using timer
No more than 60 min of work per weekend
2 philosophy
Not about time spent on work
Startup is just part of your life
Don't defer life
Accept failure in relationships just like in startups
Don't linger on mistake once figure out what happened
Patience and sense of humor
Communication
Humor
Be clear about what intolerable and irreversible
Priorities
Don't schedule product releases for Fridays so doesn't drag into weekend
Motivation
Understand what drives u and partner
Ltr
Build up a surplus of togetherness which can be drained but also refilled
Time commitment
State how much can spend together and track it
Uncertainty
Persistence
97% choosing what to care about
Delegate and know what each care about and don't
Delegate
Try to remodel home together
What life story do you want to write together
Ch 3 communication
Appointments
Make appointments with each other
30 min slots to work on different things
4 min in the morning
Sunday post-week analysis
Life dinner
Appointments as opportunities
Recurring appts:
4 min in the morning
Eye contact
Talk about schedule
When see each other again
Really just connect and not talk about todo list or ongoing conflicts
Can also do on Skype or google hangout with video when apart
Good morning and good night phone calls when on the road
Life dinner
Time to tackle more challenging issues
Goals for upcoming month
Constructive criticism of previous month
Time to clear out unexpressed unhappiness
Honesty and respect
Kind honesty
Not about hurting other
Say thank you and acknowledge kind deeds
Apologize for mistakes
Language tone and fairness
Words always and never bad
Can you tell me more about
How can I make things better
What are you really saying
Ask for what you want from your partner
Drama
Manage each others meltdown
Soothing the bear
Stay calm and make quiet soothing noises
Anger management
Empathy not problem solving
Stop talking and go hiking or kickboxing alone
Clear the air
Fighting fair
Choose a time and place to talk when rested
Shift the emotion by being silly and discuss later what happened when calm
Use I statements
Cover what's happening, how we are feeling, and why we feel that way
Learn to apologize and accept it
Don't go deep into things on Friday night
Do it later in weekend once rested
Conflict avoidance
Professional help
Ch 4 startup company life
Startups are hard
Values should match personal relationship ones
Create a rhythm
Quarterly week off the grid
Time alone
Creative time turning into manager time bad
Incorporating ur partner
Eo and other support groups
Professional coach
Ch 5 personality
Understand each other and accommodate
Introvert vs extrovert
Intrinsically motivated vs extrinsically
Need for achievement vs need for independence
Marry someone who can be independent
Risk vs safety
Male vs female
Engineer vs poet
Rigid vs resilient
Problem solving vs empathy
When wife says I'm thirsty she doesn't want water but wants to hear I know what it's like yo be thirsty
Optimist vs pessimist
Ask questions to provide dose of realism when they come to own conclusion
Public vs private
Veto power on social media sharing
Maniacal vs moderation
Short term vs long term
Ch 6 values
Words vs actions
Eliminate words that are especially mean for someone and pick special words to indicate states
Alignment
Talk about individual philosophies and hopes and dreams
Don't compare relationship to other people's because don't know their experiences
Children
Humor
Trust
Agree on unforgivable behaviors
You can have it all just not at the same time
Ch 7 skills tactics and tools
Communication 101
Just hug when get home
No need for immediate talking
Agree on plan for connecting
Talk in a way that can be heard
Use your words
Talk to me
Just listen
Don't solve the problem
Cosmo quiz
Surveys and personality tests
Fill out then Discuss together
How to renegotiate
Agree on contract of rules to agree to for behavior
Life dinner
Talk about last month and next month
Just empathize and don't solve problems
Allow tears
No cell phones
Celebrate life
Don't ask for bill until end
Don't give back cell phones until next day
Can miss 12.5% of them (brad allowed to blow it 1 out of 8 times)
Qx vacation
Off the grid
No phone, email, comp
Leave Saturday and return Saturday
Hand other person cell phone
Sunday at home to catch up
Daily tennis lessons and some massages but mostly unscripted
Mini break, long weekend, or 1 day
Start with Shabbat
No electronics for 24 hours
No chores
Go to museum together
Bike trail
Movie
Nap
Tennis lesson
Phone
Leave in home office
Never bring to bedroom
Don't have to answer everyone
Always answer partner
Computer
Start and end day with video chat
Keep im window open throughout day to whisper sweet nothing's
Be deliberate and discuss when will sit down in front of computer
Tv
Remove from bedroom
Put tv only in place for intentional watching
When aren't in room with tv turn it off
Silence
Walks
Let emotions surface
Daily hug kiss and I love u
Apology and forgiveness
If already in trouble
When to seek help
Yeo
Therapy individual and couples
Fun
Ch 8 common issues and conflicts
Workaholism
Time management
1 weekend day away from electronics
No computer for last hour before bed
Adult time play dates scheduled
Men having their own friendship networks
Social time without your partner
Pie chart for time spent
No means no
Travel
Being on time
Breathing time around meetings
Getting ready to go
Being right or being happy
Decision making
Assign authority for various areas to partner
Patience with each style
Compatibility
Cheerleader vs critic
Be clear about which mode u want partner to be in
Ask for time to be with self
Ur shit together
Shit happens, now what
When to get married
Take turns and listen
Revisit difficult topics quarterly and don't nag or set ultimatums but do set outer time boundary by which need to decide
Anxiety and depression
Ch 9 big issues illness and divorce
Nothing higher priority than when u or partner sick
Failure minimum viable relationship
Before you get married
Divorce
Ch 10 money
What's the Money for
Safe money strategy
No public equity
Real estate held for life
Angel investing
Choose ppl over ideas
Decide quickly
1 or 2 meetings or lunches
Run in a pack and share deals
Retirement
Plan how will spend time
Philanthropy
10% agi annually
Ch 11 children
Start with a commitment to each other's dreams
6-8pm family time so mom can catch a breath
Raising the baby
Make time for alone time each day and vacation regularly alone
Some time weekly doing hobby without kids
Ch 12 family
Working together in work and family
Live where you want to live
A year sailing
Treat career like marathon not sprint
Family men's weekend annually
Ch 13 s and romance
Communication around s
Talk about it
Work of romance
Always answer partners calls
Choose ringtone
Send postcards daily when traveling
Say thank U and I love u
Say nice things about what other has done
Coupon book for favors
Goal orientation
Track with spreadsheet
Keep list of what each person wants and ideas to try
Put money in jar each time do it and use money at end of year for fancy dinner
Conflict
Timing and fatigue
Making time for it intentionally
Keeping the magic alive
Talk about things
Ch 14 enough
Go slow if get money from exit
Wait 90 days
10% rule
Spend 10% of new wealth on something extravagant
Serial entrepreneur with wealth still should be highly frugal with next startup
Culture he sets in beginning will be important
Separate person extravagance from business context
When want something special for self but not employees just pay the difference
Retirement is foreign concept for entrepreneurs
Weave sabbaticals into life
Experiment with living in different cities for small stretches of time
Life is over when the lights go out
Movies
White men can't jump
Books:
For Better
Spouseonomics
Cherishing daylight
The last lecture
1001 ways to be romantic
1001 more ways go be romantic
10,000 ways to say I love you
264 outrageous sweet profound romantic questions
Quiet: the power of introverts