Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy and Lori Lowell:
I wish to bring to your attention the shocking treatment I received while in the lobby at Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands at 21625 Red Rum Drive, Ashburn, VA 20147, on Monday, September 15, 2014. This incident was particularly upsetting because, as a long-time customer of the gym, I have experienced only the highest level of customer service.
The incident occurred while I breastfed my seven-week-old son, Gregory, in the gym lobby adjacent to the welcome desk and snack bar. This is a spot where I have breastfed my children many times before. I had also been monitoring my eighteen-month-old son, Simon, in this same spot. He was being cared for at the on-site child care facility within eyesight of the lobby. Both children were cranky, and I had been nursing them back and forth.
I was approached by Nancy Maritato, Controller, Gold's Gym Cascades/Ashburn/Clocktower, while breastfeeding Gregory. She stated that I should cover up or nurse in the restroom on the opposite side of the gym. Her justification was that the restroom had couches for me. I told her that I would not be doing so.
Approximately five minutes later, I was approached by Tag Entwistle, Executive Vice President, Lowell Management Company LLC (which, according to his card, owns facilities in Woodbridge, VA; Lorton, VA; Ashburn, VA; Sterling, VA; Clocktower, VA; Fitchburg, WI; Waukesha, WI; and Milwaukee, WI). I was nursing Simon at this time.
Mr. Entwisle referred to my encounter with Ms. Maritato upon approaching me. He conveyed that because the gym facility is private property, he is allowed to tell me that I have to cover up or move. He noted that someone had complained to him that it made him or her uncomfortable, although he could not disclose who that was. I told him that I am a customer, too, and then asked why he wasn't worried about offending me. He did not answer my question. I continued to nurse where I was, and he contacted his lawyer, Patricia Fettman of Fettman and Ginsburg, Fairfax, VA.
I returned to the child care facility to pick up Gregory. I sat in the lobby with Simon on my back in his Kinderpack baby carrier and Gregory in my arms. Mr. Entwisle returned and approached me with Ms. Maritato at his side.
All items in quotes are from a recording of the conversation taken with my phone.
Mr. Entwisle stated, "We have done our due diligence with our attorney when this complaint first came on board and with it being a privately owned business, as we've stated a few times now... With us giving you a facility in the women's locker room to do this, um... we need to, to not do it in a public area here."
I replied, "So when I have two young children, both of whom are upset, and it's hard for me to have both of them at the same time and they both want to eat..."
Mr. Entwisle did not allow me to finish my thought. He interjected, "We're giving you the opportunity in a private area in a women's locker room like we've stated."
After his remark, I replied in disbelief. "So, I'll just say, I've been coming here for a year and a half. Never before have I heard a complaint from anybody. Anybody. Anybody. Nobody has - actually, this is the first time in my life I've been approached. And it is absolutely wrong to do so. I hope you realize that."
Mr. Entwisle countered, "Well in our private business, it's not. We reserve the right to do that."
I posed another question to him. "But you, personally. How do you feel personally about this?" I knew I was talking to the Executive Vice President of the ownership group; whether or not he stated so, I believed that his personal opinion does influence company policy.
At first, Mr. Entwisle replied, "It has nothing to do with how I feel personally about this." He then continues and says how he truly feels: "I'm protecting rights for our members and how our - our staff feels as well."
Aghast, I am able to briefly say, "But I'm a member..." before Mr. Entwisle demands, "So what I need you to do is... I either need you to just stop with the open breast and put on a smock to go into our women's locker room and do it."
I try to reason with him. "You can't see anything when my baby's head is right here," meaning, in front of my breast. He was not interested in my reasoning. He interjects, "Ma'am. Our next step, unfortunately, we don't want to go here but our next step is if you don't abide by our policy, um, and I will give you our attorney's information..." We agreed to exchange information without Mr. Entwisle threatening me or putting additional demands on me. He finished, "Like I said, we need you to follow our policies please. Okay?"
Mr. Entwisle returned to his office to give me his information and that of Ms. Patricia Fettman.
The "policies" that Mr. Entwisle referred to had never been brought to my attention - at times when they should have been. Any policies about dress code or breastfeeding restrictions are absent from the contract I signed and from the signage in the facility. There are no signs that say "You May Not Breastfeed Here" in the lobby or anywhere else on the premises. I am confident that, had I been informed of any breastfeeding-averse policies prior to joining, I never would have joined in the first place. I am also baffled that Mr. Entwisle would approach a young mother wearing a zip-up jacket as opposed to the dozens of other women I have seen over the course of my membership who were wearing only a sports bra and shorts.
I remained in my seat with my two children as Mr. Entwisle called his lawyer. Ms. Maritato stood next to me and attempted to engage me in conversation. She began with, "I understand. I have two kids, too. If you just cover up..." By placing an unreasonable demand on me, I realize that she truly did not understand. I attempted to educate her: "It's not that easy. He's a newborn; he's learning how to nurse. And this little one (looking back to Simon, my toddler) will never do that. So I think it's a lot easier said than done. It's not a solution for everybody. Definitely is not. And it's not one for me. And I'm - I'm just trying to survive. I'm a young mom with two kids. I hope you can see that. I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers. I'm just trying to live my life."
Ms. Maritato listened but continued to voice her opinion. "But like I said, unfortunately, there are some people that are uncomfortable with it." I replied, "And I'm uncomfortable that people are saying that. I mean, if somebody of a different color or if somebody who was you know, like, disabled was here you can't say you're uncomfortable around them." My reference is to federal Public Accommodation Laws that are written to protect certain groups of people including breastfeeding mothers.
I continued by remarking, "I'm trying to do what's best for my kids. I'm a young mother... There's no alternative." Ms. Maritato disagreed and countered, "There is. There's a place for you to go and do this without..." I interrupted and mentioned that, yes, I have breastfed my children on the couch in the restroom. I continued: "But when I have two young kids and one is in there (referring to the nearby child care) crying, do you understand how difficult it would be to walk back and forth, back and forth? I don't know how many feet away it is. It's a long way away. You know where it is (on the opposite side of the gym). I can't take care of my kids."
Ms. Maritato was unsympathetic. She remarked, "We have people taking care of your kids." She then continued, "Well honestly, if you just put something over yourself..." I then made the same point to her as I made to Mr. Entwistle: "You can't see anything when his head's right there. You really can't." Ms. Maritato then failed to take responsibility for her own feelings when she stated, "I can't control how other people are feeling." Our conversation came to an end after that remark.
After obtaining the requested information, I gathered my belongings and took my children to the parking lot. I finished my nursing session with Gregory on a grassy area near the parking lot.
The amazing health, economic, and environmental benefits of exclusive breastfeeding for six months or more are well established. Moms know this – it’s why 86% of us want to breastfeed. But sadly 60%, or about 2 million moms each year, don’t make it to their personal breastfeeding goals – whether that’s 2 days, 2 months or 2 years – because of breastfeeding roadblocks: the cultural, legal, and institutional barriers they unfairly face at every turn.
The U.S. Surgeon General, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization, and virtually every major health group in the world say breastfeeding is one of the most effective preventive measures to protect the health of mothers, babies, and the planet: breastfeeding and human milk is the first defense against illness and disease and is the foundation of human health. Low U.S. breastfeeding rates cost thousands of lives and billions of dollars and affect all of us. Breastfeeding is indisputably as good for us all as exercise and should be top of the national priority charts, especially for fitness facilities such as Gold's Gym.
Yet moms routinely get poor breastfeeding care and advice from hospitals, providers and health care workers. They are bombarded by myths, misinformation, and negativity from friends, family, the media, and businesses such as what I encountered from Mr. Entwisle and Ms. Maritato. Moms encounter discrimination and harassment in the workplace and as patrons of stores, restaurants, and other places of business, despite existing and emerging legal protection. The end result is that many moms are discouraged and dissuaded from breastfeeding and put through a gauntlet of obstacles to make breastfeeding work. Many of the minority who make it are then subjected to degradation, bullying, and discrimination, such as what I experienced on September 15, 2014.
Breastfeeding mothers have a legal right to nurse their babies in 45 states. Yet, breastfeeding mothers continually endure harassment, discrimination, shaming, and scorn. This issue goes far beyond the right to feed a hungry baby. Unless and until we address the endemic cultural disapproval and squeamishness belonging to large segments of our population, people’s personal prejudices will bleed through company policies. As in the case of sexual harassment, ensuring that the Gold's Gym culture is a friendly environment for breastfeeding mothers will require education and sensitivity training about how to treat breastfeeding customers. Changing your gym culture will also go a long way toward enhancing the work environment for your female employees, particularly those who have children.
In recent years, dozens of national and local companies and organizations have been in the media’s spotlight for employee mistreatment of breastfeeding customers. Many of these incidents fell on deaf ears when the offended mom contacted the employee’s supervisor to inform them of the situation, resulting in nurse-ins that have involved thousands of mothers and babies across the country making a stand for breastfeeding rights. These companies have suffered a loss of goodwill from the moms they say they strive to serve.
Other companies have made clear apologies to the offended mom and even adopted breastfeeding-friendly corporate policies and employee training (especially including the one[s] involved in the incidents) to ensure that no other mom and her baby should have to experience such a breastfeeding roadblock in one of their establishments. In particular, I applaud the Pottery Barn, Starbucks, Delta Airlines, and Freedom Airlines for their just decisions to apologize to the offended, change their policies as needed, educate their employees, and win back lost support from nursing moms and families – key segments of their customer base.
I hope Gold's Gym and Lowell Management Company, LLC will seize this opportunity to take a progressive lead to champion breastfeeding and send a positive message that you support moms in their vital work caring for their babies – our most precious resource as a nation. Your timely, positive response to rectify the harassment I suffered at Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands may dissuade me from contacting the media or setting in motion protest movements similar to those that brought much negative attention most recently to companies such as Target, Denny’s, and Applebees following embarrassing treatment of their breastfeeding customers.
Support for women who need to breastfeed their children in public is in line with Gold's Gym's identity as "an energetic, supportive environment full of all kinds of people who are committed to achieving their goals." (http://www.goldsgym.com/why-golds-gym/about-golds/)
Lowell Management Group, LLC, owns franchises in Virginia and Wisconsin. Virginia Code Ann. § 18.2-387 (1994) exempts mothers engaged in breastfeeding from indecent exposure laws. Virginia law also includes Code Ann. § 2.2-1147.1, right to breast-feed: Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast-feed her child at any location where that woman would otherwise be allowed on property that is owned, leased or controlled by the Commonwealth as defined in § 2.2-1147. Additionally, Wisconsin Laws, Act 148 provides that a mother may breastfeed her child in any public or private location where the mother and child are otherwise authorized to be. The law specifies that in such a location, no person may prohibit a mother from breastfeeding her child, direct a mother to move to a different location to breastfeed her child, direct a mother to cover her child or breast while breastfeeding, or otherwise restrict a mother from breastfeeding her child.
As you can see, I have copied several leaders of Best for Babes, the national organization dedicated to overcoming barriers to breastfeeding. Best for Babes, which has been named a “favorite cause” by Mom & Baby Magazine, collects data on negative nursing-in-public incidents and has offered me support during this difficult process in an effort to create positive change. In addition, I would like to draw your attention to services they can offer to companies and organizations like yours. Best for Babes can customize their licensed proprietary Employee Training Toolkit for Breastfeeding Customers to educate Gold's Gym’s employees about breastfeeding and train them to be sensitive to the needs of breastfeeding mothers and thereby ensure legal, non-prejudicial, and compassionate treatment of breastfeeding customers.
Should you take Best for Babes up on this extraordinary offer, it will work with its mainstream media, celebrity, and nonprofit partners to publicly recognize and reward Gold's Gym for being the first fitness giant to adopt and implement this leading-edge program. If you are interested, please let me know and I will put you in contact with the Best for Babes Co-Founders Bettina Forbes and Danielle Riggs, named by Shape magazine one of 10 “Women Who Shape the World,” and their advocacy team leaders, Michelle Hickman and Emily Mohajeri Norris – all of whom are copied on this letter.
It is my hope that this situation be resolved amicably. However, if there is no action on your part within 10 business days of the date on this letter, I will not hesitate to take my grievance to the mainstream print and broadcast media, as well as the influential world of mom bloggers and social media, and consider staging protest nurse-ins at this location and others within the Lowell Management Company, LLC franchise system of Gold's Gym, like the December 2011 Target Nurse-ins that 7,000 moms participated in at 100 stores following Michelle Hickman’s harassment for nursing her baby at Target store in Texas.
Should you take positive, meaningful action, I intend to work with Best for Babes to bring media attention to your excellent leadership for breastfeeding mothers in Loudoun County, VA. I believe such a positive outcome is possible, as was the case when fellow breastfeeding mom Emily Mohajeri Norris contacted the top levels of management at the Pottery Barn after facing discrimination while breastfeeding her baby in one of their stores. The result was exemplary. The president of Williams-Sonoma, the parent company, apologized and, working with Ms. Norris, instituted breastfeeding-friendly policies and employee training, winning her approval and a feature story she wrote in a premiere national parenting magazine.
Will Gold's Gym step forward as a leader in truly supporting moms? Will Gold's Gym earn due media coverage for taking pioneering steps to champion moms and their breastfed babies? Will Gold's Gym win goodwill from moms – part of your primary customer base – by responding in support of breastfeeding moms? Will Gold's Gym do right by this mom?
As a regular customer, I trust you will restore my confidence in your commitment to service by providing moms the cultural support they need to be the best parents they can be. I look forward to your prompt reply.
Sincerely,
Jill A. DeLorenzo
cc:
David Fowler, Chief Operating Officer, Gold's Gym
Ginger Collins, Executive Director, Gold's Gym Franchisee Association
Danielle Riggs, Co-Founder, Best for Babes
Bettina Forbes, Co-Founder, Best for Babes
Michelle Hickman, Volunteer Director of Activism, Best for Babes
Emily Mohajeri Norris, Volunteer Organizational Change Facilitator, Best for Babes
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Jill,
I am the Managing Member of D Street Investments, LLC which is the Manager of GG Ashburn, LLC dba Gold’s Gym.
While Lowell Management Company, LLC is the manager of several Gold’s Gyms located in Virginia and Wisconsin, this company does not own or franchise any Gold’s Gyms. The Ashburn facility where this incident took place is not one of the facilities managed by Lowell Management Company, LLC. Your email to Lori and Jeremy Lowell was forwarded to me for response.
The benefits of breastfeeding are well documented; we are all in complete agreement. I don’t believe that any of the employees you came into contact with were challenging that basic proposition.
The objective of D Street Investments, LLC, as well as Lowell Management Company, LLC, for the gyms that it manages, as well as the ownership group of each respective gym, is to provide its members with the best facilities it can offer all of its members.
While this incident did not occur in Wisconsin, I am aware that Wisconsin does have specific verbiage within its laws, that provides “…no person may prohibit a mother from breastfeeding her child, direct a mother to move to a different location to breastfeed her child, direct a mother to cover her child or breast while breastfeeding, or otherwise restrict a mother from breastfeeding her child.” (2009 AB 7)
The statute provides clear direction to our staff and all other members should there ever be a concern in regard to breastfeeding in a club in Wisconsin.
While complying with all applicable laws and statutes, within the respective states, Gold’s Gym nationally, faces, on a daily basis, difficult problems in addressing the varied needs of all of its members.
In doing so, we, D Street Investments, LLC and Gold’s Gym as a whole, hope that there can be reliance on its members to do their part in being considerate to, and of, each other.
In terms of Virginia, and its laws and statutes, the same verbiage does not exist. Because the laws of Virginia and Wisconsin are different, the response must be different because the expectation of its members is different.
In looking for an amicable resolution, I am wondering what you feel would be the proper resolution such that your children receive the benefits of breastfeeding, and at the same time, is consistent with the laws in the Commonwealth of Virginia, which takes into consideration others who might feel uncomfortable in this situation?
I am confident that there was no intention to offend you or to embarrass you, but simply to request that you not be as completely exposed as you were in that setting.
Please feel free to contact me via email if I may be of further assistance.
Respectfully,
Sandy Hall, Managing Member
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Dear Sandy Hall,
Thank you very much for contacting me. From this point forward, I will address you at D Street Investments, LLC as the Manager of GG Ashburn, LLC dba Gold’s Gym.
I am excited to with you to move forward in the aftermath of the incident I experienced on Monday, September 15, 2014.
I am pleased that we are in agreement on the multitude of benefits of breastfeeding.
My goals moving forward are as follows:
1. To resume working out in a fitness facility that is supportive of me and my family;
2. To ensure that no other breastfeeding mother (including myself) is ever again treated as poorly as I was by your staff again;
3. To work together to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among your breastfeeding clients and other members;
4. To have the opportunity to publicly commend you for working to support breastfeeding families.
I will address each goal separately and conclude each one with the action items that will require your support and assistance. I have bolded the goals and action items to assist you.
My first goal is to resume working out in a fitness facility that is supportive of me and my family.
I have not been able to return to Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands since Monday, September 15, 2014. As I considered how to handle this situation, I concluded that this fitness facility is currently not a safe environment. My membership is standing idly and my family is wasting money as I work toward a resolution. Additionally, my personal fitness level is declining as I feel forced to choose between whether I will breastfeed my children or exercise - a choice no mother should have to make.
In your message, you wrote, "I am confident that there was no intention to offend you or to embarrass you, but simply to request that you not be as completely exposed as you were in that setting." As the recipient of poor treatment, I was confronted against my will. I left feeling victimized (although not embarrassed; I will never feel embarrassed for providing the best I can for my children). I was approached on three separate occasions by two individuals, Mr. Tag Entwisle and Ms. Nancy Maritato, whose main goal was to get me to put additional coverage over myself unwillingly or leave the facility. I was offended by their treatment of me and the words they used to attempt to stop my children from breastfeeding. In showing such a strong lack of consideration for me and my family, these employees violated the primary goal of your company: "D Street Investments, LLC and Gold’s Gym as a whole, hope that there can be reliance on its members to do their part in being considerate to, and of, each other."
In response to this, I ask the following:
1. A formal apology from Ms. Maritato and Mr. Entwistle for treating me disrespectfully;
2. Assurance that I will not be subject to retaliation or retribution for having done my due diligence in reporting this incident.
My second goal is to ensure that no other breastfeeding mother (including myself) is ever again treated as poorly as I was by your staff again.
One benefit to having confronted me, as opposed to a mom new to breastfeeding, is that this confrontation will not destroy the breastfeeding relationship I have with my children. I have nursed my children for 18 months, through the difficult break-in period, through a second pregnancy, and through other obstacles. However, I cannot say that other new mothers would have walked away with their breastfeeding relationship intact. Can you imagine if this situation happened to a mother struggling with breastfeeding or feeling self-conscious? Being told that she can't nurse somewhere or that she must restrict her breastfeeding to appease a stranger could be what makes her stop breastfeeding. We are all in agreement on the benefits of breastfeeding, so why would we actively work to destroy a new mother's breastfeeding relationship?
The American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidance on creating breastfeeding friendly environments. This guidance recommends the removal of policies that discourage breastfeeding in public places. (http://www2.aap.org/obesity/community_bf.html)
In addition, the Best for Babes organization can provide free materials tailored to staff of Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands on how to respectfully treat breastfeeding mothers. Best for Babes can customize their licensed proprietary Employee Training Toolkit for Breastfeeding Customers to educate Gold's Gym’s employees about breastfeeding and train them to be sensitive to the needs of breastfeeding mothers and thereby ensure legal, non-prejudicial, and compassionate treatment of breastfeeding customers.
In response to this, I ask the following:
1. The institution of official facility policy that no other breastfeeding mother be asked by staff to cover up or move, or otherwise singled out for breastfeeding her children, while on the premises of Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands;
2. A commitment to work to obtain the tools to help staff treat breastfeeding mothers well (with Best for Babes if desired).
My third goal is to work together to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among your breastfeeding clients and other members.
During the course of our conversation, Ms. Maritato aptly stated, "I can't control how other people are feeling." All people have their own free will to feel as they please. One person could feel offended that a mother chooses not to hide in a bathroom while feeding her child, and another person could be offended that she is not nursing in public and missing an opportunity to normalize breastfeeding.
How do we create an environment of mutual respect among people who might have opposing views? How can we be considerate of breastfeeding mothers and their supporters, as well as other members who may complain against a breastfeeding mother?
I believe that those who would dare to complain against a mother breastfeeding her child are not complaining about the act of feeding; I sincerely doubt that they would make this same complaint against a mother who chooses to bottle-feed. However, I think they would complain against seeing an open breast, as was the case of Mr. Entwisle when he demanded I "stop with the open breast and put on a smock". Fortunately, Virginia Code Ann. § 18.2-387 (1994) exempts mothers engaged in breastfeeding from indecent exposure laws, as follows:
§ 18.2-387. Indecent exposure. Every person who intentionally makes an obscene display or exposure of his person, or the private parts thereof, in any public place, or in any place where others are present, or procures another to so expose himself, shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor. No person shall be deemed to be in violation of this section for breastfeeding a child in any public place or any place where others are present. (Code 1950, § 18.1-236; 1960, c. 233; 1975, cc. 14, 15; 1994, c. 398.)
One way to engage those who have personal issues about breastfeeding is to have staff prompts to respectfully walk them through their complaint. Instead of immediately confronting a vulnerable mother, staff can work with a client to address the real issue behind the complaint. Best for Babes is open to working with Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands.
For instance:
1. Is the issue that the mother is feeding her infant? If so, staff might be prompted to ask whether this customer would have a problem with a mother bottle-feeding her infant instead. If the answer is no, then the staff can respectfully inform the client that this location is welcome to all mothers feeding their infants, in whichever way they choose. If not:
2. Is the issue that the mother has an exposed breast? If so, then staff can inform the client that breastfeeding mothers are not subject to indecent exposure laws.
This becomes an opportunity to inform the client, as well as protect the breastfeeding mother. All parties would benefit from such an exchange.
Putting up signage in support of breastfeeding mothers is one way to set expectations of a positive environment for breastfeeding. It is my understanding that signage already exists at the Gold's Gym Cascades facility. I believe that introducing such signage will work toward creating a culture that expects to support breastfeeding mothers. It can deter harassment, discrimination, shame, and scorn. It can start a respectful conversation between staff and any clients who may have strong objections to breastfeeding about the benefits of nursing as well as the laws that protect mothers (such as the indecent exposure law).
In response to this goal, I ask the following:
1. The creation of a standard operating procedure with regards to addressing complaints against breastfeeding that remains respectful to breastfeeding families;
2. The implementation of signage at Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands that affirms a commitment to breastfeeding families.
My final goal is to have the opportunity to publicly commend you for working to support breastfeeding families.
I am optimistic that the above goals will be met. Upon committing to positive, meaningful action, I intend to work with you to publicly commend you for working to right this situation. I am connected to several local moms' groups and can use a positive response to bring in new clients who require and/or support a breastfeeding-friendly environment. If desired, I will bring media attention to your excellent leadership for breastfeeding mothers in Loudoun County, Virginia, and I will work with you to determine the message that is communicated publicly.
Best for Babes has also offered for us to work with its mainstream media, celebrity, and nonprofit partners to publicly recognize and reward Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands for adopting and implementing their Employee Training Toolkit for Breastfeeding Customers. If you are interested in this recognition upon program implementation, please let me know and I will put you in contact with the Best for Babes Co-Founders, Bettina Forbes and Danielle Rigg, and their advocacy team leaders, Michelle Hickman and Emily Mohajeri Norris.
In implementing my final goal, I ask the following action item:
To work together to publicly praise Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands as a breastfeeding-friendly facility in a way that is desirable to you.
As a regular customer, I thank you for working to restore my confidence in your commitment to service by providing moms the cultural support they need to be the best parents we can be. I look forward to working with you on the above goals and action items.
Sincerely,
Jill A. DeLorenzo
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Jill,
Thank you for outlining, as requested, your thoughts regarding what might create an amicable resolution to your concerns about breastfeeding in our facility. First let me please reiterate that our ownership group completely agrees with the documented benefits of breastfeeding. As a privately owned business though with a focus on health and fitness it is impossible for us to address the many causes and actions about which consumers feel so strongly. We agree with your statement “all people have their own free will to feel as they please”. In conjunction with this thought, it is not our intent or desire to persuade otherwise. Again, as a privately owned business we choose to take a neutral position on many causes and focus our energies toward the overall business in which we are engaged that being health and fitness.
In the case of breastfeeding we believe that our designation of the ladies locker room as an acceptable location serves multiple purposes: Not only does it give mothers like yourself the flexibility to be in an environment that does not force you to choose between breastfeeding or exercise but the proposed designation provides mothers a safe, quiet, comfortable environment while at the same time creating a solution that appeals to those members who may not wish to view or have their children view a mother breastfeeding. This, we believe, supports your first goal of being able to work out in a fitness facility that is supportive of you and your family.
While we appreciate your desire to publicly commend our company, again we would prefer to focus our energies on working to ensure our members an opportunity to meet and exceed their health and fitness goals. As I mentioned previously there are many causes and interests in which a company with 8,000+ members might be asked to become involved. Along these lines we will simply do what we feel is best to provide a safe and supportive environment, free of controversy, for all of our members to focus on health and fitness.
With regard to your goals to ensure that no other breastfeeding mother is ever treated poorly and to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among our breastfeeding clients and other members, I would like for you to know that the ownership group of this facility is currently scheduled for a retreat in late November to discuss plans for further developing our business. I will personally put breastfeeding on the list for discussion along with other sensitive issues that businesses like ours face as we attempt to serve large numbers of people with many different thoughts and feelings.
In closing, we hope that you and your family will continue to enjoy our facility.
Thank you,
Sandy Hall, Managing Member
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Hi Sandy,
I want to thank you for your reply. I realize that we have exchanged a few email messages and that items can easily get lost in the shuffle. Therefore, I wish to state several key facts gleaned from the audio recording, from our email conversation, and from the law.
I will take any failure to respond to or address these facts as consent of them. If you choose to respond to or correct them, I would appreciate if you included the number next to each fact from this email to aid in my reading.
1. My first goal as it was outlined in the previous letter is to resume working out in a fitness facility that is supportive of me and my family. Your response in your previous letter was as follows: "In the case of breastfeeding we believe that our designation of the ladies locker room as an acceptable location serves multiple purposes: Not only does it give mothers like yourself the flexibility to be in an environment that does not force you to choose between breastfeeding or exercise but the proposed designation provides mothers a safe, quiet, comfortable environment while at the same time creating a solution that appeals to those members who may not wish to view or have their children view a mother breastfeeding. This, we believe, supports your first goal of being able to work out in a fitness facility that is supportive of you and your family." This is not an acceptable response for the following reasons:
a. The ladies' locker room is on the opposite side of the gym from the childcare facility. As a mother of two, I would not be able to monitor my other child from this location.
b. I cannot take both of my children to this location. The locker room provides access to many dangerous spaces for a young toddler who is left to run on his own while I would breastfeed his infant brother. These spaces include toilets and showers. This contradicts your labeling of this place as "safe".
c. My children will never breastfeed with a cover in any location.
d. Since other members enter the designated locker room space, they will easily see any breastfeeding mothers with their children. Your justification that restricting nursing to the locker room is a "solution that appeals to those members who may not wish to view or have their children view a mother breastfeeding," is moot. In fact, this proves that the locker room is neither an acceptable solution to you or to me.
e. I already mentioned in several different ways that this space is not acceptable for me and my family. Insisting that it is demonstrates that you are not willing to listen to my family's needs as members.
2. I have not been informed that I will receive a formal apology from Ms. Nancy Maritato and Mr. Tag Entwistle for treating me disrespectfully. At this point, I am assuming that they do not intend to send me one.
3. I have not been assured that I will not be subject to retaliation or retribution for having done my due diligence in reporting this incident. Because of this, I do not feel safe from further harassment upon entering the facility.
4. My second goal as it was outlined in the previous letter is to ensure that no other breastfeeding mother (including myself) is ever again treated as poorly as I was by your staff. In your response, you stated: "With regard to your goals to ensure that no other breastfeeding mother is ever treated poorly and to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among our breastfeeding clients and other members, I would like for you to know that the ownership group of this facility is currently scheduled for a retreat in late November to discuss plans for further developing our business. I will personally put breastfeeding on the list for discussion along with other sensitive issues that businesses like ours face as we attempt to serve large numbers of people with many different thoughts and feelings." This is not acceptable to me for the following reasons:
a. If I choose to continue my relationship with Gold's Gym, I must wait until late November at the earliest to feel safe working out in the facility.
b. You are treating breastfeeding as an issue solely related to business. While your gym would certainly be behind the times if reform is not made, I will assert that it is more than just bad business to ignore the needs of breastfeeding mothers.
5. I am still optimistic that you will institute official facility policy that no other breastfeeding mother be asked by staff to cover up or move, or otherwise singled out for breastfeeding her children, while on the premises of Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands. I am also optimistic that you will consider working to obtain the tools to help staff treat breastfeeding mothers well.
6. As Managing Member, you are within your rights to institute policy and signage that applies to all employees. You do not need to wait for a retreat to do so. Deciding to not act now is your choice.
7. My third goal as it was outlined in the previous letter is to work together to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among your breastfeeding clients and other members. I suggested a way to engage those who have personal issues about breastfeeding through staff prompts to respectfully walk them through their complaint. I also suggested the creation of a standard operating procedure with regards to addressing complaints against breastfeeding that remains respectful to breastfeeding families, as well as the implementation of signage at Gold's Gym Ashburn/Broadlands that affirms a commitment to breastfeeding families. All of this was offered in response to your original invitation for my ideas to solve this situation, yet I have not received feedback from you on whether you are considering these items. Absent further feedback, I will presume that you are not considering it.
8. My final goal as it was outlined in the previous letter is to have the opportunity to publicly commend you for working to support breastfeeding families. You declined this opportunity. By doing so, I do not know if you intend to support breastfeeding families through your actions or policies. My hope was to highlight a positive outcome, but the opposite may now happen. Gold's Gym is now subject to receiving a harsh review via my contacts who were hoping to highlight a positive outcome, but now only have this inexcusable and behind-the-times response to report on. Across the nation, state laws are only moving in the direction of more protection for breastfeeding mothers, and Gold's Gym's response is not in line with the growing movement of advocacy for stronger breastfeeding laws that is resulting in real change across the country. Gold's Gym stands to lose in the eyes of the media for being behind the times.
9. In your initial email to me, you wrote, "[T]he laws in the Commonwealth of Virginia ... [take] into consideration others who might feel uncomfortable in this situation". No such laws exist.
10. In your initial email to me, you also wrote, "I am confident that there was no intention to offend you or to embarrass you, but simply to request that you not be as completely exposed as you were in that setting." This verbiage indicates that your problem was with my refusal to cover my child and nursing breast. This is in direct violation of Virginia Code Ann. § 18.2-387 (1994) which exempts mothers engaged in breastfeeding from indecent exposure laws.
11. Mr. Entwisle and Ms. Maritato were in direct violation of Virginia Code Ann. § 18.2-387 (1994) several times during the course of the recorded conversation. Mr. Entwisle stated: "I either need you to just stop with the open breast and put on a smock to go into our women's locker room and do it." Ms. Maritato mentioned, "If you just cover up" and "Well honestly, if you just put something over yourself".
12. The tone in item number 11 implies that I was asking to be approached and harassed. I did not ask to be harassed, in much the same way that an assault victim does not ask to be assaulted.
13. Mr. Entwisle mentioned, "[W]e need you to follow our policies please. Okay?" I never signed or agreed to any policies restricting breastfeeding. As I mentioned in my initial email, "I am confident that, had I been informed of any breastfeeding-averse policies prior to joining, I never would have joined in the first place."
14. I have still yet to see any facility policies in writing that restrict breastfeeding. Absent any policies, this incident can only be classified as harassment.
15. There is no way to remain “neutral” on this situation. Either you fully support breastfeeding mothers, or you do not. Placing any restriction on how or where a mother feeds her baby inside the facility undermines breastfeeding.
Because of the above reasons, my family and I have determined that this is no longer a safe environment for us to be. We request termination of our contract without termination fees and a refund of all fees paid from July to present as outlined below. At this time, we have chosen July as the month to begin receiving a refund because it is the month of our second child's birth. We acknowledge that we are within our rights to request a refund from the beginning of our membership on May 1, 2013, due to the inevitable harassment that we received on September 15, 2014, and being held to terms and conditions that have never been explained but should have been made clear at the start of the contract.
July: $88.99+$29.99=$118.98
August: $59.99+$29.99=$89.98
September: $59.99+$29.99=$89.98
October: $59.99+$29.99=$89.98
Total: $388.92
We also ask not to be charged additional fees in the future.
Please apply the refund of $388.92 to the Discover card on file within 10 business days. Please contact me when the refund has been applied. Failure to do so will result in the consultation of a lawyer with the purpose of bringing a lawsuit against D Street Investments, LLC, Gold’s Gym, Mr. Entwistle, and Ms. Maritato for harassment.
In my initial email, I mentioned, "This incident was particularly upsetting because, as a long-time customer of the gym, I have experienced only the highest level of customer service." The only people I have ever encountered to have opposed my breastfeeding were Ms. Maritato, Mr. Entwisle, and yourself. I have been otherwise very pleased with the staff at your facility, so it is a shame that this incident and lack of resolution have soured my view of Gold's Gym.
I am optimistic that families such as mine may one day be welcome again in Gold's Gym facilities owned by D Street Investments, LLC. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your prompt response.
Regards,
Jill DeLorenzo
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Jill:
You start your memo to me by writing that you will ‘take any failure to respond to or address these ‘facts’ as consent”. You then proceed to misrepresent and / or take out of context past events and communications. This high-handed approach negates any possible productive communication. I will not individually address your numerous points as these have been addressed before; it is clear that we will not reach a mutually agreeable solution to this matter.
Although our requests were within our rights under the laws of Virginia and we have made an effort to reach a compromise, we realize that we are at an impasse. In an effort to have an amicable parting, we have agreed to your request that you be permitted to terminate your family membership at Gold's Ashburn.
Per our records, the family membership is in your husband's name although he rarely uses the facilities. Therefore, we require something in writing from Jason confirming his request for the cancellation of the contract. Upon receipt, the bookkeeping office will terminate your family's membership without a cancellation fee. Your family membership will be refunded as of September 1, 2014, the month in which these events started.
We wish you and your family all the best in the future.
Thanks Sandy
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Jill and the breast feeding organization people on this original email.
I have taken my wife off of this email only because she ans I have spent the last 8 days in New York at her brother's bedside in Mount Sinai hospital, as he battled end stage liver disease and finally passed away at 7:53 pm on Tuesday night, peacefully, thank heavens.
The funeral will be Sunday.
My families time of sorrow and anguish has had a background hum of what has been transpiring since your original email to Lori and to me.
You originally contacted me and even wrote to us at my dental office in Colorado as if on a witch hunt, while We are not the individuals who physically manage that facility except to the degree as owners of a private business in the state of Virginia.
I am watching the posts on Facebook, and having been given attestations from not only members but staff as well, who claim nothing more and nothing less that you had full exposure of your breasts while breast feeding. It was not the first time, although it may have been the first time anyone may have approached you.
You were not approached in aggressive manner. You were approached with decency and respect.
You have turned this ordeal into a diatribe of accusations and misstatements in regard to whether we do or don't agree with breastfeeding in its own right.
We do. How many times do we have to tell you and your partners in crime that we do?
And that was never the issue?
And what is it you want?
Do you want the freedom to do what you want to do when you want to do it and where you want to do it?
It appears that way.
To those that say policies aren't listed in our gym, I want to respond, we also don't have policies that are common sense like urinate in the bathroom.
To those that say, children should know how babies are fed, I want to say, should they also watch how babies get made. Should we bring our kids into the bedroom during our intimate moments and should we have public displays as that as well?
The logic is so blown out of proportion and for what?
For you to think back to your breastfeeding special time in your life as a vicious, ugly memory because you stood on a soap box instead of just enjoying that precious time that my wife spent with our three kids, or Sandy Hall's wife spent with hers?
Take a deep breath and enjoy your time. Call your troops off.
There is no argument here except to say that we respect you and you should respect us.
Do you not see the ridiculousness yet or are you that hidden behind a level of anger that borders on a non-religious antisemitism?
Antisemitism in the sense for these people who's beliefs and accusations and twisted statements are directed at "we are right and you are wrong and we want to destroy you."
This is as ugly as it gets.
I'm hoping that everyone recognizes the beauty and fragile ness of life and I am going to comfort my wife now in her time of loss.
Peace
Jeremy
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Dear Jeremy,
Thank you for your e-mail.
I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your brother in law. I can empathize with family being the most precious thing in life. I hope your wife will be blessed with the time to find solace from his passing.
I will take the time to constructively address your concerns in this e-mail, as this is the treatment that I personally would have liked to receive. I will only touch on those where I feel we can make progress or come to an understanding.
1. My intention of contacting you was wholly positive. I wished to bring this shocking incident involving two of your subordinates to your attention so that you could help us to achieve a resolution. I sent the letter to the first address I found to be sure you would receive it.
2. I fed my children one at a time, only on the right breast. This was the only one which was ever exposed. Mr. Entwistle's statement corroborates this fact: "Stop with the open breast and put on a smock". If I were displaying both breasts, he would have said, "Stop with the open breasts [plural] and lift up your shirt" or something similar. I wish to bring to your attention that this accusation is a bold-faced lie with no basis in fact.
3. I was not approached with decency and respect. As the member on the receiving end of such harsh treatment, my opinion is the only one that is valid in this case - just as a hazing victim's opinion would be the only credible one in a comparable case.
4. I have stated my goals throughout the e-mail history, as well as specific steps that your staff could consider to help achieve them. This should not be news to you, as you have been copied on the full e-mail history. This is what I asked for:
A. To resume working out in a fitness facility that is supportive of me and my family;
B. To ensure that no other breastfeeding mother (including myself) is ever again treated as poorly as I was by your staff;
C. To work together to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect among your breastfeeding clients and other members;
D. To have the opportunity to publicly commend you for working to support breastfeeding families.
5. Any restrictions placed on breastfeeding mothers are not common knowledge and should be made very clear prior to signing a contract, especially to breastfeeding mothers, to avoid any misunderstandings such as the confrontation I experienced.
6. Please rest assured that my breastfeeding journey with my children will be seen as a positive memory.
7. The nurse-in was not started by me or anyone else on this e-mail thread. It was started by a group of breastfeeding mothers, many of whom I have not personally met. This is the public outrage to the treatment I received throughout this process. Even if I wished to call off the nurse-in, I could not. In addition, I heard that the Ashburn facility is now a sponsor of it.
8. Breastfeeding is a necessary public accommodation, one which is legally protected in all regards in your home state. The mechanics of it dictate that a child must be fed when he is hungry. History may judge your position on this matter the same as those who opposed blacks and the disabled from receiving their public accommodations, but this is not my place to say. Only the future can tell. I'd like to say, "Judge not lest ye be judged", which I think is appropriate for this entire process.
I want to reiterate how pleased I have been with the staff in the facility, from the front desks workers to the personal trainers and from the child care workers to the group exercise instructors. It is remorseful that the lack of leadership shown by Mr. Entwistle, Ms. Maritato, and Mr. Hall has soured my (and now many others' view) on this Gold's Gym franchise. I truly wish we could have come to a mutually agreeable solution.
In closing, I wish you and your family all the best in this upcoming time.
Respectfully,
Jill A. DeLorenzo
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Jill,
Thank you for your email and your kind words.
My true sentiments are that I am so saddened that whatever the reality of the event was, and I wish I could have been there to at least know truth, that it not have turned into what it has turned into.
Our Lord only knows the truth and I am in no position to doubt you and in no position to doubt Nancy, having known her for the years that I have and knowing she breast fed her children, nor Tag and the years I have known him and the fact that he, actually his wife, breast fed their children.
None of us, including anyone on our ownership group take issue with it. Never did. Never will.
I am in no position to judge, and dare not as I was not there.
I can only hope for peace.
Jeremy