Seven Hells S04E09: Watchers on the Wall

Welcome to the Seven Hells Podcast and for our part we promise to observe guest right; but  only because we are afraid of two things: heights and giants and definitely not because we respect and appreciate your listenership.  Above all else we pledge, I, Jim Chadman of NSFWatercoolers, I, Matt Leroy of Beardie and the Beast, and hound for the Horror Honeys,  I, Dan Firnekas of the Firnecast to enthrall and engorge you with all things Game of Thrones S04E09: Watchers on the Wall

General Revelry (Why did you have to take the black?)

Guess Dan’s Favorite Part: (There are internet guesses)

Matt: 5000 points

Jim: -8000 points

Internet:-1000

Episode Recap: (Culled from: Game of Thrones Wiki) (Reddit discussion thread)

• Jon and Sam talk about getting some and loopholes in the Knight’s watch oath.
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• Just outside of Castle Black’s Walls we see a Thenn Warg watching for the fire while Tormund, Styr, and Ygritte argue about whether she loves Jon Snow or not along with Ygritte’s lefty political agenda railing about non-free folks manifest destiny.
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• Sam is reading tomes dedicated to the fucked up things the Wildlings do to their enemies when Maester Aemon appears and gives him his Targaryen backstory and tell him that love is the death of duty again.
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• A shaded figure passes the Wildling encampment, that turns out to be Gilly and Pyp won’t let her in until Sam says the magic words, which were, ‘fucking gate’.  The two are reunited and much boredom commences.
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• The signal forest fire is lit and Jon Snow is allowed by Alistair Thorne to give him a na-na na-na boo boo about the tunnels, but Jon has activated hero mode so he wouldn’t hear of it.
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• Sam and Gilly prove that they can be the most boring couple on the show again and Gilly, who clearly hasn’t been reading the books, makes Sam promise to ‘not die’
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• Sam and Pyp star in a buddy cop movie and they both are elevated as a result.
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• Ygritte sizes up the situation on the good side of the wall and the alt camp attacks.
• Alistair hilariously yells at his archers until he realizes that he is needed down below and turns the reins over to Janos Slynt aka the bravest man in westeros
• During the siege as soon as Pyp is starting to wrap his head around this crossbow thing, Ygritte exterminates him. Sam proceeds to roly poly his way out of that mofo.
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• Janos is convinced by Grenn that he has been called by Alistair so Jon can start fucking shit up at the helm.  Janos goes down the elevator and hides in the pantry w/ Gilly.
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• Jon sends Grenn to his death in the tunnels.
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• More fighting then Sam ascends the wall to tell Jon that they need reinforcements down below and Jon hands command to Eddison Tollett who really just unleashes the Scythe when needs be.
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• Jon enters the fray at Castle Black and informs Sam that Ghost is more important than him and then battles Styr and ends up hammering him, pun intended very much so.  Then spies Ygritte with an arrow trained on him but she gets an arrow through the chest courtesy of the boy she orphaned a few eps ago and we all go on happier that theres one less bullshit romantic storyline going on.
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• With Ygritte, Styr, and the Scythe dispatched the tide has turned in favor of the Knight’s Watch.  Tormund is captured and returned to his duties as Robin Williams stunt double in Jumanji.
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• Sam returns to Gilly alive and discovers Janos Slynt in the pantry with her.
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• The next morning the bodies are being burned as Jon shares his plan of seeking out Mance Rayder to Sam as they descend into the tunnels to discover Grenn had fulfilled his duty vs Mag the Mighty.
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To Note: 

• Only 5 of 26 starring cast members for the fourth season appear in this episode, the fewest ever in the history of the show.
• In the Inside the Episode Guide video, writers Benioff and Weiss acknowledge that in the novels, Pypar and Grenn actually don't die in the Battle of Castle Black (and are still alive as of the current, fifth novel). Pypar's death has no counterpart in the books. Grenn's heroic sacrifice stopping the giant from breaching the tunnel-gate was performed by Donal Noye in the books, a one-armed blacksmith who once served the Baratheons. Many other minor Night's Watch characters also die during the battle in the books. Benioff and Weiss explained that they wanted to show the real cost of the battle and for it to have dramatic impact, which meant they had to kill a few named recurring characters (instead of nameless background extras, which would carry no dramatic weight). Due to the time constraints of adaptation, the TV series has only been able to focus on and develop a limited number of Watch members, never even introducing Donal Noye, while Pyp and Grenn are characters that the audience has grown attached to
• Jon Snow gained the edge on Styr during the last moment of their fight by spitting blood in his face, giving Jon the moment he needed to grab a hammer and bring it down into Styr's skull. This is loosely the same trick that Karl Tanner used against Jon at Craster's Keep in "First of His Name", nearly killing him.

Women of Westeros aka Bewbs of thrones of bewbs

Dinkin around

Cards Against Westeros: (Used in Red) *

Episode Specific:

• Gilly ultimately found a better disguise to get her back to Castle Black after her first attempt at dressing up as ______D_________-
• Jon Snow compares a Wildlings vagina to _____M____ to Sams virginal benefit.
• Styr wasn’t always such a bad guy; unfortunately he garnered the nickname ______M____ in his youth which really affected him
• Maester Aemon renounced his claim to the throne because of his academic devotions and to a lesser extent his  _____M_______
• Tormund may not have had intercourse with a bear, that doesn’t change the fact that the ____D______s are always nervous when he walks by
• Alistair Thorne has the cojones to lead this ragtag group of misfits agains 100,000 free folk but don’t ask him to ________D_____ because he will legit freak the fuck out
• Ygritte knew that she could go in peace because she already ___M______ first.

• Hodor's genitals resemble a ______ holding a ________

• What some people consider violent sexual assault Geoffrey calls _______
• Tyrion Lannister began his ______________ in season 3 which he refers to as his ‘other watch’
• In King Geoffrey’s Westeros ___________ is next to godliness
• The Lord of Light’s expertise in fire elemental baby squirring and_____________
• When Jaime Lannister lost his hand it was extra devastating because it was his _________ hand.
• Petyr Baelish was not born with a house sigil so when he became powerful enough to warrant one it was curious he choose ____________,
• Varys genitals look like a ____________ choking the shit out of a _______________
• When Osha dropped her robes for Theon his ________ was forced to pay the iron price.
• Robb Stark and Jon Snow weren’t always so serious,  in fact they were a comedy troupe known as ________________ in their younger days
• Fire may not be the only thing that can slay a White Walker, in fact generations ago they simply _______________________
• A Craster family reunion can only be described as ______________
• When Daenery’s walked away from spending the night in a fire she not only revealed she was the queen of dragons but also ______________
• Khal Drago only loved his ________________ more than his horse or woman
• Milisandre can perform wondrous feat thanks to her faith; unfortunately it never helped her _______________
• Stannis Baratheon believes his is rightfully the owner of the Iron Throne, yet he still sleeps with a _________________
• Sandor Clegane aka the hound came to kick ass and ____________ and he all out of __________
• Yara Greyjoy may look like a half filled chloe sevigny blow up doll but she makes up for it by ________________
• Catelyn Stark finally warmed up to Robb’s new bride Talisa after a game of ______________ and the smell of wedding festivities in the air.
•  Samwell Tarley is able to maintain his rubenesque figure north of the wall by eating straight-up shortening and _______________
• Margaery Tyrell may be able to overlook many of her husbands faults but when he _____________ it crosses the line.