Transcriber: robotchangeling
Ali: I think I ruined my dinner, but it's probably still edible, so.
Jack: What did you make, and how did you ruin it?
Ali: [laughs quietly] So, I made this Bon Appetit recipe by Molly whatever-her-last-name-is, where it's like a roasted, like a slow roasted gochujang chicken.
Jack: Oh, that sounds really good.
Ali: Yeah, and it's like you roast it for like three hours on 300 degrees, and you cover the chicken in the sauce, and you put potatoes in the thing, and they roast all together, and they soften up, right?
Jack: Yep. Sounds lovely. No problems.
Ali: [laughs] I think…I had had it in there for like an hour, and I was like, “300 degrees. Why not just do 325? So it'll be like 30 minutes done early or whatever.”
Jack: Oh.
Ali: But I think the process of reheating my oven to bring it up to 325 burned the top of everything.
Jack: Oh my God.
Ali: [laughs quietly] So now everything is just completely black.
Jack: [laughs sympathetically] Oh, Ali. I'm sure it'll be good under there. You just excavate it.
Ali: Yeah. Before I sat down, I like took a thigh out, and I looked at it, and underneath there, it’s all fine. [laughs] It’s just this top layer of burnt sauce.
Jack: I had a classic Jack de Quidt lunch, which was cheese and crackers and then misguidedly read the screenplay of 2013’s Evil Dead remake [Ali: “Mm”] over lunch, which is not lunch reading.
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: It is miserable reading.
Ali: Sure.
Jack: But I did it anyway, you know?
Ali: Right.
Jack: Were you ever the “read the synopsis of movies you're too scared to watch on Wikipedia” kid?
Ali: Um, I've been that person. I wasn't that person as a kid, because Wikipedia didn’t exist. [laughs quietly]
Keith: What kind of person?
Ali: I've said that I think that I've read the Wikipedia for the movie Creep like seven times.
Jack: Oh my God, the Duplass movie with the serial killer?
Ali: [laughs] Uh huh.
Jack: That’s a good movie.
Ali: I keep seeing tweets that are like, “This movie is so fucked up,” and I'm like, “Ooh, what's fucked up about it?” And then I read it, and I'm like, “Ooh, that's fucked up.”
Keith: Mm.
Ali: Hi, Keith. [laughs quietly]
Keith: But not watching it.
Jack: We’re talking about the vibe of reading the Wikipedia synopsis for a movie you're too scared to see, Keith.
Keith: Ohh. No, never done that, and I have an endless list of movies I'm too scared to see.
Jack: That's wild. So you don't feel any kind of…because before I got really into horror, I definitely felt like this sort of allure of it, right? Where it's like, oh, this is something I'm interested in, but it's a shame that it's too scary for me to watch, so I would like…
Keith: That’s the thing. I like horror.
Ali: Mm. Jack.
Jack: Ali.
Ali: While you're here and while Keith is here, can you please support my campaign to get Keith to watch Halloween III: Season of the Witch? It's not even that scary.
Keith: Oh, I actually– have we talked about this already?
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: This is extremely funny, because this is completely out of left field [Ali laughs] and also something that…this is real big “we've worked together for so long” vibes, because, Ali, you have picked exactly the right person. I know I’ve tweeted about it, but you've…
Ali: [laughs] We were having–
Jack: In your hour of need, you've come to my door. [Ali laughs]
Keith: I'll say this, real quick. I recently– because it's Halloween season.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: So I very recently was like, “You know what movie I bet I could handle? Halloween one.”
Jack: Oh, yeah.
Keith: And I actually just downloaded it like a week and a half ago.
Jack: Have you seen it yet?
Keith: No, I have not watched it yet.
Ali: Okay.
Jack: I think you could handle it, and it's really good. I think that–
Keith: ‘Cause what is it, ‘79? Whatever people were scared of in 1979 I can deal with. [Ali and Jack laugh] I can handle that.
Ali: Well…
Jack: My favorite thing about Halloween one…have you seen it, Ali?
Ali: I feel like I must’ve, but…
Jack: The thing that surprised both Kat and me is that Michael Myers drives his little car around a lot in that movie, way more than you would think the masked killer from Halloween does. [Ali laughs] He spends a lot of that movie just like getting into a car and driving to the next place. It's a little red car, which is wild. But no, Keith, I think you would…how do you feel about bugs and snakes, Keith? I suppose is the big question.
Keith: I'm not afraid of bugs nor snakes.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm.
Jack: And how do you respond to children in peril, in movies?
Ali: [laughs] Keith loves this.
Keith: Yeah, I like it in real life too. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Jack: Oh, hohoho!
Keith: No, no, that doesn’t bug me.
Jack: Simultaneously the funniest and most disturbing answer. [Ali laughs] Yeah, Halloween III is really fun if that stuff doesn't bother you. I’ll say this: if you are interested in a movie that a key plot point is that an American billionaire magnate has acquired a lot of really small pieces of Stonehenge, this might be the movie for you.
Keith: Hmm.
Ali: You have to watch this movie.
Keith: That sounds really funny.
Ali: It’s so funny. [laughs quietly]
Keith: That's one of the John Carpenter Halloweens, right?
Ali: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keith: Like, the first one and the third one and then–
Jack: No. No, he bounced. This is a Tommy Lee Wallace joint.
Ali: Oh.
Jack: John Carpenter produced it and I think maybe wrote the soundtrack?
Ali: Oh.
Jack: But this is by Tommy Lee Wallace, who went on to make the really good 90s It miniseries.
Ali: Oh, huh.
Keith: Oh, that is really good, I think.
Jack: I think those have…there is a similarity there.
Keith: Hmm.
Jack: How did this come up, Ali?
Ali: Well, we were having a conversation about John Carpenter movies, and Keith was like, “Well, this is obviously one of the best,” and I was like, “You don't even watch scary movies! How can you say… [laughs] You're leaving out like this entire library.”
Jack: Oh my God.
Keith: Wait, sorry. I said that Halloween is one of the best?
Ali: No, I think we were talking about other John Carpenter movies, and you were like, “Obviously, this is one of his best ones,” and I was like…
Keith: Oh, okay. I said Big Trouble in Little China is my favorite.
Jack: Big Trouble in Little China is really good.
Ali: Fantastic movie, but.
Jack: I was watching Prince of Darkness yesterday. Have either of you seen that?
Keith: No, but I know it's like one of the…
Ali: [gasps] I think I…
Keith: The like thematic trilogy with Halloween, right?
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ali: It's vampires, right?
Jack: No, that is a Omega Man, you might be thinking of? Prince of Darkness is about a bunch of graduate students who are like, “We've got a fun new science project,” and they accidentally unleash Satan.
Ali: Oh, I have seen this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jack: In the basement of a church in Los Angeles. It's fun. It's spooky.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Have you seen The Thing, Keith?
Keith: Yes. Yeah.
Jack: We rewatched The Thing recently. That’s great. Great movie.
Keith: Yeah. [Ali laughs] I haven't seen The Thing in a long time, but I do like The Thing. It's not too scary for me. Something being old helps it not be too scary. I think that there's something about the way that horror gets done in like a more modern sense that like...
Jack: Oh, you should watch Halloween.
Keith: Yeah, yeah. I have…so, I've been working on this Plex server, and one of the big things is like amassing a library of movies, right? And so I've been like very aware of what kind of movies I have and haven't been adding, and so when I was like, “I have to make sure that I have some horror movies that I can watch on here.”
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: That I can handle. And I'm working on it.
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: A lot of movies that Plex calls horror…I guess it's the movie database is where Plex gets its information.
Ali: Mm.
Keith: That I wouldn't necessarily call horror, but…Gremlins is on here, which is funny. I love the gremlins.
Jack: I hate Gremlins. I'm sorry, Keith.
Ali: Oh.
Keith: You hate them? Why?
Jack: I don't know. [Ali laughs quietly] I saw Gremlins on a plane, and it made me feel like I was dying.
Keith: You really should try it again. Gremlins 2 also is very good, but Gremlins is really good. I think it might have been a situational negativity and not a movie one.
Ali: Oh, sure.
Jack: Have you seen Malignant, Keith?
Keith: No. I haven't even heard of it.
Jack: It's a horror movie that came out like last year, but it has a very particular ‘70s feel, that I think that if you watch a bunch of these Carpenter movies and end up really enjoying them, I would recommend Malignant.
Keith: Yeah. Well, I like every Carpenter movie that I've ever seen.
Ali: Fair.
Keith: I know that he has some clunkers, but I haven't watched those. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Jack: Well, even the clunkers are kind of fun. I tell you what. What I really want to do is he made some movies in the like…his last movies are supposed to be just terrible, and I really want to watch those.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: He had a great line where people said to him, you know…the question was like, “Does it feel good that The Thing has been…people have realized that The Thing is really good?”
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: And he said– and I think is such a good answer. He said, “No. I lost work and I lost money, because people didn't like The Thing. The time for people to like that movie was when I released it.”
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: “It has now passed.” [Ali laughs]
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: “You should have been there.”
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Which is such a good answer instead of the like…
Keith: He's not a very sentimental guy.
Jack: [laughs quietly] No.
Keith: He had the same answer for Big Trouble in Little China.
Jack: Of like, “Oh, well, you should have come out when…”
Ali: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Keith: Yeah. It was the movie that broke him of working with studios. He worked with a studio. They gave him money. He made the movie that he wanted to make. It was really, really, really good, and people didn't see it. And now, years later, people are like, “This is a classic of 80s film,” and you know, it's like, “Well, it wasn't in the 80s, when it mattered.”
Jack: No.
Keith: “When I could have gotten more work with studios.”
Jack: “You piece of shit.” [Ali laughs]
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: That is such a good movie. What a shame.
Keith: Whatever. He's got money, and he, you know, is hanging out.
Jack: Which one?
Ali: Big Trouble in Little China.
Keith: I just rewatched it recently.
Jack: I gotta go back to it.
Keith: It is so good. I mean…it's a movie…at the same time, you're like, “Wow, I hate this guy. I hate Kurt Russell here, but also I just love him. He's so good.” [Ali and Keith laugh]
Jack: Kurt Russell is so good. Like, just as a–
Ali: Uh huh.
Jack: I don't think I've ever seen him, even in a movie that I…I saw Escape from New York when I was a kid and didn't really enjoy it.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: And I should maybe go back to it, because…
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: I actually also have that on my like immediate watch list.
Ali: Enjoy it.
Jack: But yeah, seeing Kurt Russell in The Thing and him just– all the guy wants– uh, MacReady. All MacReady wants to do in The Thing is drink whiskey and hold a flamethrower, [Ali and Jack laugh] and by God, he spends all of the movie doing that.
Keith: God, and it's so fun how Big Trouble works as like a microscope on John Carpenter's own previous work with Kurt Russell.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: He is like–
Jack: In what way?
Keith: He's like a– I mean, it's like a guitar plugged into an amplifier. Like, it is just…he is the ridiculous over-the-top version of the version of himself that he played in The Thing and Escape from New York.
Jack: That's so good. Everything I learn about John Carpenter makes me go, “This dude rules.” [Jack and Ali laugh quietly] I'm looking at the soundtrack of Big Trouble in Little China, and it says some of the songs on the soundtrack are performed by John Carpenter and his band, The Coupe De Villes, consisting of him, Nick Castle, who is another actor who– okay, Nick Castle played Michael Myers in the original Halloween. So that's the other guy in John Carpenter’s band.
Ali: Mm. [laughs]
Jack: And the third guy is Tommy Lee Wallace, who went on to make Halloween III.
Keith: That's very funny. [laughs]
Ali: Ahh.
Jack: Just like three bros who love each other and make movies. [laughs]
Keith: That’s very funny. Yeah. Yeah, I rewatched it recently, and…because I was talking about it with Ali and was like saying that it was my favorite John Carpenter movie, and then went and was like, “You know what I should watch? Big Trouble in Little China.”
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: And I think I liked it even more. I think there's stuff I liked even more about it than the last time I saw it, which was like five or six years ago. Yeah, it's very funny. Like, I think especially pairs well with something like Escape from New York, which I haven't seen, but I've seen bits of and know about, where Snake Plissken…
Jack: [laughs quietly] Snake Plissken. It's just so good.
Keith: Is like already almost a joke character, and then, like, you know, Kurt Russell in Big Trouble is like louder for the people in the back [Jack: “Yeah”] on Kurt Russell being a goofball weirdo action, quote, unquote, hero.
Jack: Have any of y'all seen The Fog? I haven't seen it.
Keith: No.
Jack: It's a movie that he made about a fog that arrives in a town, and a bunch of dead drowned pirates and their pirate ship come out of the fog to besiege the town.
Keith: Oh. That’s funny. That sounds like, uh…I can't remember which of the several Stephen King things is the one where they're stuck in the grocery store with the– is it The Mist?
Jack: That is called The Mist.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like The Mist.
Ali: Mm. [laughs]
Jack: With the pirates?
Keith: No, it has monsters instead of pirates. [Jack laughs] Not vengeful mariners who were killed in a shipwreck 100 years before.
Jack: “Six founders of Antonio Bay deliberately sank a clipper ship named the Elizabeth Dane!” [laughs quietly] Sick.
Keith: So, Halloween II, that's a skip from everyone?
Jack: Uh, I haven't seen it. Have you seen it, Ali?
Ali: I don't think so, no.
Keith: So you're a big proponent of the first and the third, and neither of you have seen the second? [laughs]
Jack: Yeah. I don't know how we did that.
Keith: That’s very funny.
Ali: Well, I had someone sit me down and was like, “Oh, you should watch Halloween: Season of the Witch right now. We're gonna watch this right now. It doesn't matter if you know or like Michael Myers, because this is standalone.”
Keith: Okay.
Ali: And it’s hilarious.
Keith: Okay, so one was written and directed by Carpenter and created by Carpenter and Debra Hill.
Jack: That's his wife.
Keith: Oh, okay. That makes sense. And then Carpenter wrote two, but it was directed by Rick Rosenthal in his directorial debut.
Ali: Mm.
Jack: Who I don't know.
Keith: And then they produced all three, Carpenter and, I think, Hill.
Ali: Yeah, and he also definitely did the the music for Season of the Witch, because it's recognizable.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: His music is so good. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Yeah, music by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth.
Jack: Just like, that guy loves a big 80s synthesizer that goes boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Ali: Who doesn’t love that?
Keith: And the synthesizer’s so good. That’s still like such a good sound.
Jack: Yeah, no. It's such a good sound.
Keith: Even like the whiny, like…I don't think he uses a theremin, but theremin range. He sort of does the register that you always hear theremin in, in the synthesizers, and that stuff’s really good too.
Jack: Keith, have you looked up what Halloween III is about? Don't look it up if you haven't, because I got to know what you think [Keith: “No”] a movie called Halloween produced by John Carpenter with the subtitle Season of the Witch is about.
Keith: Well, you did just tell me that it was about a billionaire who collects pieces of Stonehenge.
Jack: That is a minor detail. [Ali laughs quietly]
Keith: Okay, but is it the inciting incident?
Jack: No. Right, Ali?
Keith: Okay, so it's not about like moving stuff around and then being like punished by folkloric witches who have been disturbed from their ancient rest by a billionaire? [Ali and Jack laugh]
Ali: No, you're getting colder.
Jack: Although, I really want to watch this. This sounds great. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Okay, well, then…so I was given a red herring lead on what the movie was about, then. Season of the Witch. No, I have no clue. If it's not that, then I couldn't guess. If it's not witches who are like mad about some sort of folkloric tradition being, uh…
Jack: There aren’t any witches in the movie, right, Ali? Am I misremembering?
Ali: Not that I can remember.
Keith: The cover has a witch on it, at least one, if not three. These all might be witches.
Jack: What is the cover? [typing] Season of the Witch…
Keith: It's like three shadowy figures, and the one in the middle is clearly wearing a witch hat.
Ali: Oh, sure. Yeah. Yep.
Jack: Oh, fun. You should watch it. [Ali laughs]
Keith: I can't read what that says. The night on our…something hoax?
Jack: It says, “The night no one comes home.”
Keith: Oh, “The night no one comes home.”
Ali: Ohh.
Keith: I'm looking at a very like small blurry image.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: We haven't done any fish.
Ali: No, we haven’t. You guys got this…?
Keith: Was I late? I sort of thought it was at 7:30, but I guess I was a half hour off.
Jack: No, no. No, it's good.
Keith: Okay.
Ali: Yeah, we’re good.
Jack: Let me find this. Oh, here we go.
Ali: Do you need the link again? I have it up.
Jack: No, I got it. “9 Strange Deep Ocean Creatures Found By ROVs In Japan № 3.”
Ali: You got it, Keith?
Keith: Yeah, got it.
Ali: Okay. I'm gonna… [claps, laughs quietly] Welcome to Fishteen Minutes, your daily break to talk about fish. I am your cohost, Ali Acampora. I'm joined tonight by Jack de Quidt.
Jack: Hi, I’m your other cohost. Isn't it nice to think about fish once again?
Ali: Just a little break in your day to make sure that you think about all of the fish, because there's so many of them.
Jack: Yep. There's 36,000 and change, and we're working through them one by one.
Ali: Well, today… [laughs]
Jack: Well.
Ali: We're gonna be talking about a few different fish.
Jack: We’re gonna be talking–
Ali: And we're gonna be joined by a special guest. Would you like to introduce yourself?
Keith: Yeah, sure. Hi, I'm Keith Carberry. I love to talk about fish, and…not really a break in my day to think about fish. I think about fish my whole day. [Ali laughs quietly] But you know, I like to carve out time to teach about fish.
Jack: Are you some kind of marine scientist?
Keith: I am exactly a marine scientist. That is literally my title. It’s marine scientist. [Ali laughs quietly]
Jack: Do you have a specialty, or is it the whole deal?
Keith: It's more like a horizontal slew of specialties [Ali: “Mm”] that ends in a sort of generalized…sort of a generalized specialty.
Jack: Ah.
Keith: I'm, in general, a specialist. [Ali laughs]
Jack: Oh. What’d you get your PhD in?
Keith: Marine science.
Jack: Oh, I see. Okay. [Ali and Jack laugh quietly] All right, sure.
Ali: Keith, while you're here and before we start this video, might we ask if you have a favorite fish?
Keith: Um…you may not. [Ali laughs]
Jack: Ali!
Ali: A professional. A true professional! I can tell that you… [laughs]
Jack: Don’t make him say things that might get him out of a job.
Keith: The idea of picking a favorite—right, I mean, that's a great point—is not just impossible considering the 36,000 and change fish in the sea but political suicide for my job.
Ali: [laughs quietly] Yeah. Your passionate spirit is really showing through in that answer, because how could you choose just one?
Keith: Right.
Jack: You own any fish?
Keith: I don't think you can ever own a fish.
Ali: Mm. Mm-hmm.
Keith: They’re free.
Jack: You can, though.
Keith: But I do– but the answer is: you know the dentist fish?
Jack: The one that…uh, we did an episode about that a couple of weeks ago, right, Ali?
Ali: Um, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. We were sponsored by the Aquapick.
Keith: Yeah, I have a fleet of dentist fish.
Ali: Wow.
Jack: Wow. Wow. Very impressive.
Keith: For anyone that doesn't know, when you go to the dentist’s office or the doctor's office, and they'll have a fish tank?
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: It's the fish that slowly eat all of the germs that the dentist is too busy to clean up after. They look like little sharks.
Jack: They eat the germs– the germs go in the air and then into the tank, and then the fish eat them?
Keith: The germs eat the water and grow onto the walls.
Jack: And then the fish eat them.
Keith: Called algae.
Jack: Which as, of course, we all know, is an acronym that stands for…
Keith: All Goo Everywhere Everything.
[pause]
Jack: Well, we've convened this meeting, and I think we've specially– [all laugh] AGEE? We've especially asked Keith to come along, because a friend of the show, Janine Hawkins, I think– is that right? Was it Janine?
Ali: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Sent a VHS tape to our PO box, and when we took it out and plugged it into our Fishteen Minutes branded VHS player—which you can get if you back us on the right level on Patreon—we found a video called “9 Strange Deep Ocean Creatures Found By ROVs In Japan № 3🇯🇵.” I believe that you can also find it on YouTube on the account Deepsea Oddities.
Ali: I'm excited to dig in. I know that we've been…we've spoken about deep sea creatures on the show before. They're certainly a dense and exciting brand of fish that we like to…come to understand, I guess is what you could say. [laughs]
Jack: Mm.
Ali: Try to sympathize with, try to see what makes them tick.
Keith: Well, it’s like another world down there.
Ali: It really is.
Keith: I mean, it truly is like another world.
Ali: It's a second world on our world.
Keith: An alien planet beneath the waves.
Ali: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jack: That's the title of one of my favorite sci fi novels about the ocean. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Keith: But in the book, it's Mars down there. Mars got down there.
Jack: Mm. And then down under that is our regular ocean. So the strata from top to bottom goes:
Keith: Mm-hmm.
Jack: Earth, human Earth, regular human Earth.
Keith: Three of them.
Jack: Yep. Mars, then Mars. Two of them.
Keith: [simultaneously] Two of them.
Jack: Then it's Earth's ocean, which is like an alien world down there.
Keith: Right.
Jack: Then it’s Mars again.
Keith: In contrast to Mars, which is almost like an Earth.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
Ali: Does Mars…
Jack: Well, shall we synchronize our– yes?
Ali: …have deep sea fish?
Keith: No, it's not the Mars ocean. It's the Mars Earth below the Earth ocean.
Ali: No, but the Mars that exists.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: The Mars…Earth's Mars.
Ali: Do you think that maybe there's an ocean that we have yet to discover on Mars? And within there, do you think that there are deep sea fish?
Jack: Well, certainly.
Keith: Mm, I can't imagine a planet not having deep sea fish.
Ali: Mm.
Jack: I can't imagine a planet not having fish. Every planet we have looked at so far—except Mars, because we haven't gotten to that yet—has fish on it, of course. [Ali laughs quietly]
Keith: So you're 100% fish, so far.
Jack: Well, absolutely. Mercury: fish. Venus: fish. Earth: 36,000 fish.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm.
Jack: Mars: we're still getting to it. [Ali laughs quietly]
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: And then, Jupiter: fish. Saturn: fish. Uranus–
Keith: Moons of Jupiter, Europa: fish.
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: Fish.
Keith: Big fish.
Jack: Big fish. Neptune: so many fish. That's why it's called that.
Ali: Mm-hmm. Right.
Keith: Pluto is a fish. [Ali laughs]
Jack: Yep. Not a planet.
Keith: It’s a fish.
Jack: Well.
Ali: I know some viewers at home might be upset. They've only scheduled 15 minutes for today to talk about fish, and we're watching a video. You'll be pleased to know that this video is almost exactly 15 minutes long, so there will be no disruptions to our show this week.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah. To the day.
Ali: Are we ready to hit play? Are we gonna do a three two one countdown here?
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: Do we need to clap for the…
Jack: Should we synchronize our watches via time.is?
Ali: [laughs] I think we'll be all right. Ready to…?
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: I'm ready.
Jack: Ready to go.
Ali: Three, two, one, go. Deepsea Oddities.
Jack: Deepsea Oddities.
Keith: Countdown.
Ali: Countdown.
Keith: I wonder which number they'll start with.
Ali: The water’s looking beautiful.
Jack: Distant sounds of a ringing bell. Now, I love John Carpenter's movie The Fog– whoa. [Ali laughs] Oh, okay. Ooh.
Ali: Ooh, follow us on Insta for the good stuff.
Keith: Follow them on Insta for the good stuff. Then what's this?
Jack: Oh, who knows? Gosh, this looks…
Keith: This is number three in a list.
Ali: Okay, we're starting with the Japanese sawshark.
Keith: Okay.
Jack: Whoa!
Ali: Look at that.
Keith: Wow.
Jack: Okay, this fish–
Ali: Chainsaw Man now streaming on Crunchyroll. [laughs]
Jack: Chainsaw Man.
Keith: And I'm remembering now the feeling I felt the first time I saw one of these, which now I've obviously seen many times.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm.
Jack: What feeling was that?
Keith: Wow! It’s fully got a saw on it.
Ali: [laughs quietly] Yeah.
Keith: That's amazing that the ocean can do such a thing.
Ali: I like those little fins.
Jack: Wow. And it just hangs out down there.
Keith: Yeah, and they're very docile creatures. You know, these are not the man eaters of American cinema.
Jack: Oh!
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm.
Jack: Oh, this encounter took place in Sagami Bay at a depth of 142 meters. These fish are known–
Keith: Encounter with what?
Jack: Pristiophorus japonicus.
Keith: Yep. Which we all knew.
Jack: Yep. Oh, they’re benthic dwellers. Luckily, their conservation status is currently considered “least concern.”
Ali: Ooh.
Jack: Look at it lifting that saw up.
Keith: Well, it’s due to their dwelling in the benthic.
Jack: Yeah, it's very hard to get them.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: [struggling to pronounce] The Alvinocarididae?
Keith: Yep.
Ali: [laughs] Ooh, this is spooky. This is like you’re swimming. I feel like I’m swimming.
Jack: Whoa.
Keith: This is a high contrast fish.
Ali: Wait, is that what we're looking at?
Jack: Is that all shrimp?
Ali: [laughs quietly] Oh my God.
Keith: Yeah, they’re naturally…and this is one of the few fish that you'll see that's naturally very high contrast. [Jack laughs]
Ali: There’s so many of them. They look like worms. That's so scary. That's so scary.
Jack: And it’s so scary. So what we're looking at is about a bazillion shrimp type things, and they're all hanging out on…
Ali: Ew!
Jack: Whoa.
Keith: It looked like they were on an anchor of some sort.
Ali: [laughing] They just…
Jack: We’ve lost Ali.
Keith: I'm scandalized by the disrespect being shown to the normal shrimp.
Jack: Sorry, Keith.
Ali: [laughing] There’s just so many, and they keep showing more of them!
Keith: I thought this was gonna be a professional show of fish lovers and knowers.
Ali: [laughs] And it’s water, right, so you can like see that there's more depth there, and...
Jack: Yeah, there’s three dimensions of fish.
Keith: Yeah. I mean, I gotta say, that’s the natural dimension for fish.
Jack: It’s -49. Oh!
Ali: Wow. Okay. This is a zoom in.
Jack: It's become very high definition, as a sort of John Carpenter synth has begun playing. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Yeah. And you can see now more detail in that naturally high contrast.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah.
Ali: I like the white legs and subtly red bodies.
Jack: They really are going for it.
Ali: [laughs quietly] They like to hang out.
Jack: They’re skittering about. Yeah, and this, I would say, is a normal number of them.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: I like a shrimp, because I think it takes confidence to be a fish that has legs and does skitter and scurry instead of just flipping about.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm.
Jack: Yeah, I agree. It's like when you see a bird walking.
Keith: Yes. Huge confidence for a bird to walk.
Jack: They don't need to do that, but sometimes they will. [wistfully] They spend their whole life down there.
Keith: Is that a little crab? Look at the little crab down there, with the…I think that's a yeti crab, actually.
Ali: Ooh.
Keith: Do you see it?
Ali: “Alvinocarididae is a family of shrimp first discovered in 1986 after specimens were found by Woods Hole’s submersible DSV Alvin–”
Jack: Wait. Did someone just shout “Alvin”? [Ali and Keith laugh]
Ali: Wait, I didn’t finish it!
Keith: They typically inhabit deepwater hydrothermal vent regions.
Jack: I think someone shouted “Alvin” and it completely threw us off. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Someone shouted Alvin. Absolutely did shout that.
Ali: Blind lobster encounters…something something.
Jack: Oh, sinister. It's a standoff.
Keith: Ooh.
Ali: Yeah, this is a tense…
Keith: That’s a threatening lobster.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: He says, “I don't know what's in front of me, but I'm gonna get it.”
Ali: Also, do lobsters typically have that many feet?
Keith: Yes.
Ali: Do they walk around like that?
Keith: Yes. Yeah.
Jack: Oh, look. The robot arm–
Ali: I thought it was all claw and tail.
Keith: No, they've got little legs like crabs.
Ali: Mm.
Jack: What are they gonna do? The robot arm is moving into place near the– oh!
Ali: Oh my God.
Jack: Wait, wait. Are they going to grab it with the suction tube? [Jack and Ali laugh] There's a huge suction tube being deployed in the direction…
Keith: Get him.
Ali: Are they just taking a picture or is that really a suction tube?
Keith: I think it's a suction tube.
Ali: That crab can't fit in that tube, though. Lobster, sorry. Ooh!
Jack: Oh, I think they scared it.
Keith: Oh, maybe it is just a camera.
Jack: Whoa. But why aren’t we getting that view?
Ali: It has such little claws.
Keith: Yeah, I want the camera view, please.
Jack: It’s so big. They're like, “Oh, the tube is much too small.”
Keith: Yeah, I want the closer– ‘cause I want to confirm that they had the species name right, there, so I would like just a closer view.
Jack: Going back in.
Ali: But look how small its little claws are. Like, when you see a lobster claw, that's a big…
Keith: Mm.
Jack: He’s huge. Oh. “The footage ends on this frame, but judging by the lobster’s shadow and rapid motion, it successfully escaped the mechanical arm.” This has like big Blair Witch vibes. [Ali laughs] Tripod fish x2. “The following encounter took place in the dive area of Java at a depth of 2000 meters.”
Keith: [ominously] The scientists were never seen again.
Ali: This is so scary.
Jack: Whoa, oh! They're standing on each other! [Ali laughs]
Keith: Aw, that’s cute.
Ali: It like keeps going to the left. That's so…
Keith: Yeah. If I was the camera, I’d do a better job of looking at the fish.
Ali: Uh huh.
Jack: Yeah. Have they forgotten where the fish are? Are the fish fooling them? [laughs]
Ali: Why are they so still?
Jack: Why are they so still?
Ali: They’re so lizardlike. That's a lizard face right there.
Keith: Well, one of the complications of being a deep sea creature is lack of sun, lack of light the sun provides, and lack of food. And so, many creatures develop things like three weird legs to stand atop each other, [Ali laughs] in order to chill out waiting for some food. Ooh, another benthic fish!
Jack: Whoa! These fish can stand by pumping fluids into their leg fins. Their head to body length is known to measure up to 43 centimeters, whilst their fins can measure up to one meter long!
Ali: What?
Keith: Wow.
Jack: That's very long. Number five: Bathysaurus mollis. [pause, then Ali and Jack laugh]
Keith: Yep. Accurate. That is a Bathysaurus mollis.
Jack: What we’re looking at…
Ali: [laughing] To describe what just happened…
Keith: This is sometimes known as the loser fish. [Ali and Jack laugh]
Ali: It immediately cut to a fish just laying in the sand. Just… [laughs]
Jack: It's like very white and straight. It looks like a stick.
Keith: It demonstrates to predators that it would be an unappetizing fish.
Ali: Mm.
Jack: Look at its face!
Ali: Aww.
Keith: Pathetic fish taste the worst to most predators.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah. including humans, you know?
Keith: Yeah. Too big of a mouth to taste good.
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: Oh. Now, this fish…
Keith: You can tell that he’s going like, “Ehhhh.”
Jack: Deploy the tube, I say.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: [laughs] Yeah, this absolutely a tube-shaped fish.
Ali: Attractive little stripe there, though.
Jack: Yeah, but this is all he does all day. [Ali laughs quietly]
Keith: Yes. And that's what it says in the journals. “This is all he does.”
Jack: Blob sculpin!
Ali: Okay. All right.
Jack: Psychrolutes phrictus. Okay, we’re 4,800 feet down in the Nansei Islands Hatoma Knoll.
Keith: Almost a mile, almost a full mile.
Jack: Wait. Is that him, down there in the bottom left?
Ali: Also just hanging out? No.
Keith: No, we don't see him yet. Oh, there he is.
Ali: Oh.
Jack: Ohh.
Keith: Yep, there he goes. Oh, that's a tadpole. They got a tadpole down there by mistake.
Jack: They got a really big– whoa, this guy's great!
Ali: He’s got a big ol’ head, though. Oh my God.
Jack: He has got a big head.
Keith: Hmm. A blob sculpin. [Ali laughs]
Jack: Oh, look, it’s more of those shrimps that Ali hates. Oh, this guy looks morose. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Ali: He’s having a bad day.
Jack: It’s just not his day.
Keith: Oh, the divorced fish, he’s called.
Jack: Oh, he’s divorced. Oh dear. This poor fish.
Keith: [laughs] Poor guy.
Jack: There’s like a depth of sorrow in this fish’s eye. [Keith and Ali laugh] And, impressively, I don't think that the humans were responsible.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: Like, I think he just feels like that all day long, humans or no.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Yeah. Well, again, we've seen this defense mechanism before: being pathetic, being lethargic, not making yourself appetizing. “Too sad to eat,” colloquially.
Jack: What, T.S…?
Keith: TE.
Jack: T.S.T.E. Yes.
Keith: Tuh-stee.
Jack: Tasty. [Keith laughs]
Ali: Oh, the king crab.
Jack: King crab.
Ali: This is about to be a fish full of pride, full of personality.
Jack: Oh, now this…and so delicious. Whoa, look at him!
Ali: [laughs] Oh my God!
Jack: Now, this, of course, isn't actually the species name. This is the king of the crabs. There's only one of them until he's deposed.
Ali: Why all those extra spikes?
Keith: It's a crown.
Ali: Just for fashion?
Keith: For crown. It's the crown.
Ali: Okay, yeah.
Jack: Right, right, right, right.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: They put it on him when they crowned him down in the benthic region.
Keith: Yeah, they don't have the thumbs to make a crown, so you've got to grow it out of your shell.
Jack: Out of your head. Right.
Ali: Really long legs there. Ooh, is he taking a little munch there?
Jack: What's he eating? He's just…
Ali: Having a little meal.
Jack: He's eating the…alae. What was it called, Keith? The acronym? AGAE.
Keith: All Goo Everywhere Everything.
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: Algee.
Jack: Agee. Oh, All Goo.
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: I see, the L comes from “all”.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Terrifying stuff.
Jack: Oh, sedate. No, I like this guy. He seems relaxed. He looks tasty.
Ali: The color is off-putting.
Keith: I do think that these crabs are eaten. Is that…? I'm pretty sure you eat king crab.
Jack: I think so.
Ali: They go all the way down there just to find a crab to eat?
Keith: Uh, they must move up sometimes. They gotta breathe.
Jack: Ah, that's when we get– wait. No, they don't.
Keith: Yeah, they gotta breathe.
Ali: Hmm…
Jack: Keith, confidently: “No, no, they do.” [laughs quietly] Look at him. He's leaving. He's had enough. Number two: ragfish. Icosteus aenigmaticus. Ooh, I think this guy's gonna be a bit of an enigma. Whoa.
Keith: Hmm.
Ali: [gasps] Wow.
Jack: Whoa. Whoa! Look at that face!
Ali: It looks like a whale, but it's clearly a fish.
Jack: I would describe him as an enigma.
Keith: He also sort of looks like a turtle.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: The skinniest turtle.
Ali: Whoa!
Jack: Oh, there he goes.
Ali: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Keith: There he goes. Somewhere to be.
Jack: Get him! [laughs]
Keith: One last glance, and he's gone.
Jack: They weren’t fast enough.
Ali: I really like the swishing motion there. You can really show off that body before…
Jack: Yeah. Number one.
Ali: The paddlenose chimaera. Oh, this is number one, by the way. The strangest of the bunch.
Jack: This is top fish.
Ali: “This spookfish was found at Sagami Bay.” Okay. What is green down there?
Keith: That is algae.
Ali: Does it have scars?
Keith: Actually, I think this seems like a green sand.
Jack: It looks like it has armor plates.
Ali: Yeah!
Jack: Or like scars, yeah. Whoa.
Keith: This looks like a very ripe banana, overripe banana. [Ali laughs] This is the banana bread fish.
Jack: Whoa. This is where we got the idea for bananas from.
Ali: It’s a big ol’ guy.
Jack: Look, it's buried its nose in the sand, and it has a huge green eye. I think this video was recorded on the 91st of November, 2012?
Keith: [laughs] I think this might be the 12th of November, 1991.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Jack: At 2 p.m.
Keith: Wow, 2 p.m. Rare to see this fish at 2 p.m. [Ali laughs quietly]
Jack: Yeah?
Keith: Extremely rare.
Jack: Wow.
Keith: It's most commonly found at 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. and then from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m.
Jack: Wow.
Keith: All other times are extremely rare.
Ali: Hmm, mm, mm.
Jack: Do we know…is it because of its job?
Ali: Yeah, this is clearly a battle-torn fish right here.
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah, it’s because of its two jobs.
Jack: Oh!
Ali: Ooh.
Keith: This is him. This is him in a different light. [Ali and Jack laugh]
Jack: We just hard cut.
Ali: What is this Star Wars shit?
Jack: To a deeply Star Wars looking– oh. Oh, and then the question, “What else lurks within the abyss?” in a typewriter font.
Keith: 36,000 and change others lurk.
Jack: Oh. Wow.
Keith: Some repeats.
Jack: I was about to be like, “I would love to watch a continuation of this video series that just goes through the fish one by one,” and then I realized that's us.
Ali: Mm-hmm. We’re doing that.
Jack: That’s our podcast.
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: Going through the fish one by one.
Keith: Every day. How many episodes are you on?
Ali: Oh, this is our 17,000th.
Keith: You're almost halfway. That's huge.
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: What are you doing for the halfway point milestone?
Ali: Oh, we're hosting a gala at the Monterey Bay Aquarium in Washington state.
Keith: Wow. Wow. Well.
Jack: Since we've done 17,000 episodes, [Ali laughs quietly] and we've been doing this for about seven years–
Keith: For many years! [Keith and Ali laugh]
Jack: I do want to remind everybody, of course, that we do an average of 2,428 episodes a year. 2,428 episodes a year means that you are, of course, getting 6.6 episodes of Fishteen Minutes a day. [all laugh]
Ali: Maybe I meant 1,700? Regardless.
Jack: In any case, [laughter] I guess we’ll see you a bit later?
Ali: Actually, since we’re at the end of the video, can we talk favorites? Can we talk yeas and nays?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Keith: Off the record?
Ali: Off the record.
Keith: Favorites from this video or…?
Ali: From the video.
Keith: Okay.
Jack: I like the big crab that they tried to get with the tube, the lobster, and the lobster was not having any of it.
Ali: The incredible thing about that lobster is: you go to a restaurant, right?
Keith: Uh huh.
Jack: Right.
Ali: And you're like, “Let me get the lobster claw.” And you get that guy with his little skinny fingers? I was…
Keith: Oh, an insult. It would be an insult.
Ali: [laughs] I was aghast. I've never seen a lobster like that.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why we have to look after them, so that they can be down there, so we don't have to eat them.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Keith: I have a curveball favorite.
Jack: Yes.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: Cameo yeti crab.
Ali: Oh, yes. With the shrimp, with the special shrimp.
Keith: Yeah. If you want to look up a yeti crab, they've got some fantastic images on Google. These things are really cool, and we saw one of them in the shrimp video.
Ali: Mm-hmm. Amazing to know, because what you gain from that is that the yeti crab is able to hang.
Keith: Oh, yeah.
Jack: Is able to– oh, yeah. Yeah.
Keith: Well, look at the arms on that thing. They’re supreme hangers. [Ali laughs]
Jack: Yeah, totally. And hang in an environment that would kill me instantly.
Keith: Yes, yes.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: No light. No sound.
Jack: No light. No sound. It's either very, very, very hot or very, very, very cold.
Keith: Yes, yeah.
Ali: Incredible.
Jack: What about you, Ali? What's your favorite?
Ali: Uh, ooh. Shocking as it was and as terrified as I am to think about viewing it again, I do think it was all those shrimp on that coral, because that was so scary. [Jack laughs] And then you cut–
Jack: You did not like that.
Keith: What was it about that that was so scary to you?
Ali: It was an infestation is what's scary about that. [laughs] There were like so many of those shrimp, and then the camera just keeps zooming out, and you see that there just keeps being more of them.
Jack: Mm.
Ali: And they're like on this big structure, and then they're just free floating in the water? It was–
Keith: Correct.
Ali: It was thrilling, is all I’ll say. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Jack: Stuck with you.
Keith: I thought they were cute. I'm glad that they– I wish there was more of them on the coral.
Ali: [laughs quietly] I enjoyed viewing it. I'm glad that I've come to understand them.
Keith: Sawshark: underrated, I think.
Ali: Mm, true.
Keith: High point of the benthic dwellers, IMO.
Jack: Yeah.
Ali: Incredible how flat that that guy got. Like, really.
Jack: Yeah.
Keith: He gets very flat and he grows– you know, we've all seen…sure, we've all seen hammerheads, and they've got the heads that go out to the side.
Jack: We’ve all seen them.
Ali: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Keith: And then the sawtooth shark has what I think is a tremendous amount of courage to say, “What if I just have one that just goes straight forward?”
Jack: Yeah.
Ali: True.
Jack: “What am I going to use it for? Who knows?”
Keith: Yeah.
Jack: “I live down there. My habits are a mystery.”
Keith: Oh, it's known to not be a defense mechanism. It does not help with hunting. It is fully…I mean, it's like the fish version of like extremely long acrylic nails, I think.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jack: Mm. Yes.
Keith: Which also known to not be for hunting.
Jack: No, yeah.
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: Agreed.
Ali: I want to retract a joke that I made earlier about Chainsaw Man being on Crunchyroll. You should read it. It's cheaper to do so legally. Shonen Jump app.
Keith: Did you not like the first ep?
Ali: No, I think it's really good. I just think it's a really, really good read.
Keith: Okay.
Jack: I have it. I own it, and I have not read it yet.
Ali: You have to.
Keith: People were so positive about Chainsaw Man for the last few years that I almost bought it.
Ali: It’s two dollars.
Keith: Even though I generally don't read comics of any kind.
Ali: [quietly] It’s really good.
Keith: Because I have trouble reading them.
Ali: I have the same– like, especially with action comics in that way, I have a really hard time like following the action.
Keith: Mm.
Ali: So I haven't read a bunch of shonen stuff, even though I did start Dragon Ball. I have to keep doing that, and that's been really good. Chainsaw Man is really smart. It's really funny. It's worth reading.
Keith: I might read it.
Ali: Thank you for joining us for Fishteen Minutes. [laughs] You can find us on Patreon. You can, of course…we'll be hosting another event just this weekend, actually, at the San Francisco pier.
Jack: Yeah.
Ali: That is being sponsored by, uh…Pellegrino. We're really excited about that. [laughs]
Jack: Wait, the soft drinks people?
Ali: Yeah, yeah.
Jack: Oh, cool.
Keith: Oh, I think of them as the water people.
Ali: Yeah. Well, they have the flavored ones too, right? They have the orange…
Keith: Oh, sure they do.
Jack: Like the bougie sort of…
Ali: Yeah.
Jack: They’re good.
Keith: I love the blood orange one. I know everyone loves the blood orange one, but I just can't get enough.
Ali: Mm. Well, thank you for that.
Jack: Great read, Keith.
Ali: We'll be seeing you there this weekend, of course, Keith.
Keith: Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm there. I’m there every weekend, so it's actually not that I'm going to your thing, it's that I just am always at that pier.
Ali: Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Keith: And I hang out there from 6 p.m. until 4 a.m. every day.
Ali: Well, if anybody has any questions about fish for Keith, you know where to find him.
Keith: Mm-hmm.
Ali: And until next time, enjoy your fish.
Jack: Enjoy your fish, everybody.
Keith: Enjoy your fish.