Enneagram 2 vs Enneagram 3: Social Two vs Social Three in Enneagram

The Social Two and Social Three appear immensely similar in behaviour and what they value, however beyond the surface, there are significant differences between these two subtypes. I will be including descriptions from both Core Enneagram 2 and 3, as well as their individual subtype trait structures and other comparisons that have been made in the past. Sources are linked at the end. I also want to openly thank quwrof (@abso7lute on tiktok) for providing me with helpful sources.

Bookmarks:

1. Pride vs Vanity
2. Emotionality in E2 vs E3
3. Defence Mechanisms
4. Differences in Subtypes SO2 vs SO3
5. Individual Trait Structure: SO2
6. Individual Trait Structure: SO3
7. Key Differences
8. Sources

Compatibility:

Social Three: ENTJ, ESTJ, ESTP (Questionable: ENTP, ESFP, ENFP, ESFJ, ENFJ)

• FLVE

Social Two: ENFJ, ESFJ (Questionable: ESFP)

• VELF, VEFL

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Differences in the Cores of Enneagram 2 and 3

Pride vs Vanity

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us” - Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

By definition, pride and vanity may seem almost exactly the same and distinguishing the differences, especially within yourself and others, may be difficult. Both pride and vanity want to feel worthy of ideals such as love, however they seek this want in differing ways.

The Enneagram 2’s passion is Pride. Those who are proud are convinced of their own self-worth, and feel little need to flaunt in comparison to those who are vain. Claudio Naranjo describes those that are proud as those that are self-assured: “She who enjoys herself... radiates her self-complacency in such a way that it is instantly shared by those around her, without her needing to make her quality explicit through virtuous performances or acts. She’s so convinced of her merits that she does not feel she has to convince others, not even herself.” Pride is self-love, it is a positive overview of themselves and their image. Pride is demanding of attention and privilege, believing they are deserving of good things because they are them.

The Enneagram 3’s passion is Vanity. Vanity is similar, in that they too can appear proud, but the foundation of their self-worth is much more dependent through the eyes of others rather than through themselves. Those that are vain are more occupied with the cultivation of a self-image, as they live for the eyes of others. Vanity is focused on appearances and what the outside gaze sees, thus, those that are vain believe that they are loved for what they do and offer, rather than who they truly are. Their external image is prioritised first. Vanity is not necessarily self-love, as the Enneagram 3 is not as passionate, deep, or romantic like the Enneagram 2.

Emotionality in E2 vs E3

Generally, the Enneagram 2 tends to be far more emotional, no matter what instinctual variant is favoured. These types are far more free and spontaneous in behaviour, and sometimes may even be impulsive. Because the Enneagram 2 typically has a strong need to use flattery and seduction as a strategy for gaining what they want, they can be far more invasive and invested in others. The Enneagram 2s feed their own egos through being lovable to others.

The Enneagram 3 polarises the Enneagram 2 when it comes to emotionality, as the E3s are more pragmatic, practical, and analytical in behaviour. The Enneagram 3 does not usually invade others’ personal spaces, and are afraid of ‘letting-go’ of themselves. The Enneagram 3 is naturally quite mindful of boundaries and rules as they do not wish to act in ways that would stain their ‘good’ image. The Enneagram 3 in comparison, feeds their ego through receiving approval and validation by conforming to external expectations. “Emotional coldness obviously has to do with disconnection from your affective world. She doesn't know what she feels and for him, feelings are more like obstacles that get in his way, instead of guides to choose what she wants and what she has to do. Similarly, although he can be empathic, he does not take into account the other's emotions, which are not on his map.“

Defence Mechanisms

→ The defence mechanism of Enneagram 2 is Repression.

→ The defence mechanism of Enneagram 3 is Identification.

When it comes to the Enneagram 2, they use repression: the restraining/preventing of the user’s own awareness of their needs and desires. The Enneagram 2, especially the SO2, does not see themselves as dependent or needy people, and they never actually realise how dependent they are on external validation. They are usually unaware of their invasiveness, and so they continue to view themselves in a positive light. The use of repression also allows the Enneagram 2 to numb and push away flaws that they view as being unlovable.

When it comes to the Enneagram 3, they use identification: a ego-defence mechanism that allows the user to replicate/imitate the feelings, thoughts, and attributes of other people. Due to vanity and the E3’s need to cultivate a specific image, they will often feel the need to identify through others to avoid exhibiting their true selves. They will often mould and shape themselves to the people they are with, e.g: The E3 may choose to replicate traits that will impress their lovers.

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Differences in the Subtypes of SO2 & SO3

The main aspect of the SO2 that is often confused with the SO3 is the idea of ‘ambitious’, being social climbers, and a dependency on the external environment. In truth, Enneagram 3s are not the only ambitious and hardworking types in the Enneagram. Both SO2 and SO3 can be cold, restrained, and authoritative, but there are clear differences in their intentions and strategies. The SO2 can be more openly aggressive and confrontational, whilst the SO3 usually prefers to hide these negative feelings to avoid staining their image.

(From the E2 Book):

• SO3 is more chameleon-like and not as authentic as the SO2
• SO3 is more restrained with emotions, the highest importance to them is that their image is not damaged.
• SO2 is usually blinded and unaware of their actions due to pride and self-aggrandisement.
• SO3 is cautious with conflict to ensure they will not damage their reputation
• SO2 is more willing to convince others and engage in conflict, ignoring signals of danger/being excluded
• SO3 seeks to appear good and competes to be valued, SO2 knows they’re good and wants to be given this superiority rightfully (more invasive)

Social Two:

When Pride enters the social instinctual variant, the user converts their pride towards the social environment. Seduction is used differently in the SO2, their seduction actually stems from a form of intellectualism, as they believe that using your mind and being someone of reference to others is essentially, power. Repression is shown through the SO2 strongly, they present themselves as independent and mature beings because they lacked a figure to look up to/depend on as a child. They become dependent on themselves. The SO2 is often victim to a saviour complex.

• The SO2 is colder and more intellectual than the other E2 subtypes, which makes it easy for them to be mistyped. The SO2 could be described as someone who is hot and cold, they are highly emotional and empathetic when they are set to conquer and achieve, but when someone does not serve them a purpose anymore, they become cold and distant.
• The SO2 is also quite egocentric, they adore being the centre of attention and will often take leadership roles. They are quite talkative and like to do. They are infatuated with themselves.
• The SO2 is also depreciative, demanding and hypercritical. The SO2 may have underlying and unconscious anger, which may actually subtly demonstrate these traits. Growing up, they may have been told they are not enough, and so they become self-indulgent, usually to bury their own negative judgements and anger. The SO2 also strongly despises imperfection, mistakes, stupidity, fragility in themselves and others, giving them E1 flavour to some degree.
• The SO2 is rebellious and tyrannical. They realised at a young age that being associated with those in authority meant that they had some level of power. Therefore, the SO2 believes that to know better/to be more efficient than the rest, they can gain something. However, the SO2 is against others that are above them. Their narcissistic tendencies and ideas of grandiosity make them believe they are entitled to certain privileges and that they are above others - similar to the SP2
• The SO2 is intolerant of critics and limits. The SO2 does not like to be criticised, and also doesn’t understand there are limits to what they can get. They often give in to their impulses.
• When it comes to competition, the typical SO2 isn’t usually that competitive. They will openly say that they aren’t that competitive because to compete means to try to gain something they don’t already have. Because they are naturally self-assured, they think they don’t need to compete. Because of the arrogance of the SO2, if there is no one to compete with that is at their level, there is no competition.
• The SO2 is drawn to success and blind to failures. Similar to the E3, the SO2 is drawn to the idea of success, and when they fail, they turn to other things and seek refuge elsewhere.
• Envy in the SO2, much like other heart triad subtypes, is their monster. Due to repression, the SO2 is disconnected from envy, and realising that they are envious would mean reattaching themselves to needs and something they lack. Differently to the E4 though, the SO2 will have a way to conquer what the other has.

Social Three:

When Vanity enters the social instinctual variant, the user converts their vanity into a strong desire for a ‘good’ public image. Because of this strong desire, they lose touch of who they truly are, as they are the most focused on creating and upholding this prestigious image. The SO3 is susceptible to being seduced and persuaded by images of the world and applying this to themselves, they will replicate desirable traits/traits that are considered ‘good’. The SO3 is focused on gaining admiration and recognition, the SO3 is the type that would rather be loved for what they do rather than who they truly are. They are entirely focused on how they are seen, and will change themselves to fit the values of a particular setting or social group. Vanity is the most openly expressed out of all the Enneagram 3 subtypes, as this type is the most concerned with achievements, status, and success.

• The SO3 is competitive, but it is hidden behind a mask of friendliness. Their power is exercised by hiding shadows through a smile, and this therefore makes them not as confrontational. They definitely are competitive though and are aware of this, but often don’t show it.
• The SO3 is also vengeful, when the SO3 fails to achieve their objective or is exposed for their fraudulent behaviour. This subtype becomes prone to vengeance. They may use manipulation and slander to discredit the other. They can be described as cheaters and liars at their worst.
• Histrionism is also prevalent in the SO3, as they do everything in their power to hide their weaknesses and vulnerabilities - including emotional. Impatience is used as a disguise for underlying anger. Anger can often seep through when they do not get what they want, are exposed for their fraudulent behaviour, or are not the centre of attention.
• The SO3 is multifaceted, they are a chameleon. They are multitaskers and believe in their idealistic world, that they are able to know what to eat, how to dress, how to talk, and when not to or to speak.
• The SO3 is prone to manipulation when it comes to giving and receiving. To make sure that they receive, they will give much more - they must be at the top, they must be better.
• Appropriateness is one of the SO3’s main traits. The SO3 will only move on safe grounds and follow on already walked-on pathways (whether it be himself or others who have already walked this pathway). The SO3 does not trust themselves to completely let-go and be too ambitious, too judgemental, etc.
• The SO3 has an avoidance to experiences of death or being frozen, because it would mean the loss of control over one’s body - it is an internal non-being. They tend to be emotionally blocked and freeze when facing death. Death would also mean evidence of the body’s fragility and vulnerability.
• As the enneagram that is most concerned with self-image and success, the SO3 is most attached to money and the image of their houses. They are gift-givers and may determine their value based on the amount of money they have and how hard they work for it. They are generous with other people’s money but stingy with their own. This attachment of money also reflects in an attraction to grander and charming houses. It is again reflected in their dressing styles, the SO3’s closet is representative of his want to impress
• With envy, the SO3 is more envious about material possessions. The SO3 also becomes jealous when met with a rivalry - this also brings exposure to social failure.

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Key Differences:

To put it simply, the Enneagram Two believes that they themselves are special and are deserving of privileges. Because of this, the Enneagram Two will manipulate their environment, whether it be seducing, flattering, or “sucking up” to others, in order to fulfil their needs and desires. The E2 wants to be loved/liked and admired based on themselves, not necessarily the achievements, status, positions, and ‘titles/labels’ they are bestowed with. The SO2 is far more self-assured and do not necessarily feel the need to flaunt themselves as much as the SO3.  

On the other hand, the Enneagram Three will feel the need to manipulate themselves, creating a deceitful/false image of themselves, in order to fulfil their needs and desires. The E3 is concerned with achievements, status, positions, and ‘titles/labels’, and prefers being admired from this perspective - rather than being loved for who they are at the core

Although both the SO3 and SO2 share significant similarities, the SO2 expresses emotions and feelings of warmth much more comfortably than an SO3 would, as SO3s tend to be quite separated from their emotions and are not so comfortable with them.

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Sources:

→Claudio Naranjo: Character & Neurosis (1994)

→PDB Wiki: Social 2 in Detail 

→PDB Wiki: Social 3 in Detail 

→E2 vs E3 PDF 

→E2 Introduction (Google Drive PDF) 

→E3 Introduction (Google Drive PDF)