My name is Born(pen name) and I would like to begin by apologizing for the length of this letter but its necessary because the story of how Apple, U2 and “Songs Of Innocence” saved my life isn’t short.
Sometime back in October of 2011, my friend and I were talking before her dialysis appointment laughing and joking about getting her blood washed,rinsed, dried and folded. At first I didn't fully grasp the complexity of why she was going to dialysis, so I was shocked to learn that kidney disease was the reason to she went to 1600 Haddon Avenue twice a week. I didnt know it was that serious. Before we hung up I asked her to tell whoever is in charge to call me so we can find out if I am a match. Took the test, a couple days passed and we find out I am a perfect match!!
Over the next 4 months there were a battery of more tests--blood tests, heart tests, endurance tests, psych tests. I made sure that the first appointment and EVERY visit and interaction with the doctor and staff after, included me telling and reminding them that I did not want any narcotic medication when the surgery was over. EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION. They all thought I was crazy but I knew that I had a very good reason.
I explained to the doctor that on October 15, 2009 I finally managed, after 17yrs, (of which the final 7 were a complete nightmare), to find the strength to begin leading a clean, sober and respectable life and become successful at making the decision to continue making the decision to never decide to put a drug back into my body. I have an enormous amount of respect for the kinetic addiction that lay dormant inside of me.
The look on his face told me he now comprehended why I was so adamant about no narcotic medication. I told him I had no worries because I was about to help save my friends life and I knew I would be alright.
January 31, 2012 the surgeries are a success for a bunch of reasons, we both are still alive, Leah gets an extension on life-great for her and I am still clean-great for me!! To be clear though, I was in pain and I was extremely uncomfortable, however not so much that I felt the need to awaken what has laid undisturbed for over 2yrs.
On February 3, 2012 I was discharged for recovery at home. After I had been home for about 6 hours the CO2 that was left inside of me after surgery decided to collect all on my right side and this caused an insane level of pain. I laid on the floor for about 10 hrs hoping this torture would subside, searching for some relief but finding none. Finally I was convinced to go to the hospital and I knew this meant the possibility of narcotics. As I was laying in the ER tears began to roll down my face when I realized I was gonna nod my head ‘yes’ to the nurse who was holding my iv in her right hand n a syringe of morphine in the other. The moment that drug touched my vein the door slowly opened and it wasn’t long before the perpetual destruction emerged and very slowly I began to lose almost everything I worked so hard for. Although physically I healed almost perfectly, my addiction was getting dressed for demolition work.
Fast forward to September 13, 2014. After almost 2.5 years of more education on how to burn bridges, break hearts and deplete self respect, I found enough strength to hold on to a moment of clarity for cold turkey quitting. Day one and two were easy enough but the morning of the third was filled with the constant thoughts of getting n using n finding ways and means to get more. Plotting on our account, who can I tell imma pay back tomorrow, what can I sell. It was a horrible morning mentally. I was looking for schemes & scams like nobodies business. Just before I was about to grift someone, my friend Bill called n when he asked how I was doing. I was very honest about the state of mind that I was in and because he understood the gravity of the situation he came to pick me up. Enter U2 and Apple.
As we sat in his living room watching the eagles game your commercial came on announcing the gift for all iPhone users. I thought to myself ‘this is cool, U2 is a great band, I don't have any iTune downloads, the song on the commercial sounds great and its free- win/win!!’ After downloading, I was initially looking for the song from the commercial, which I didn't know at the time was “The Miracle (Of Joey Ramone)” and after accidentally going past it I arrived, poetically, at the shores of redemption and belief in self, track 11 “The Troubles”. When I heard ‘Somebody stepped inside your soul/ somebody stepped inside your soul/ little by little they robbed n stole/ til somebody else was in control’, I was immediately mesmerized by the words, her voice, then the drums, then the strings. They all held my attention for what seemed like an eternity.
It wasn't until i pulled up the lyrics that it became quite clear that I was being killed softly. The door was a nanometer from being closed and this song was generating the strength for me to give it that final kick shut!! “Living” was once again on the horizon and “existing” was slowly fading away like the desolate island it be. The switch was once again flipped!!!!
It also inspired me to write a song which is a combonation of the music you created and my personal experience. A song that I would like to record and get to those who are in the same nightmare of addiction. I cannot find the instrumental on line so I would like to ask a favor: can you please send me the instrumental with the chorus and bridge? I really dont want to devalue the authenticity of the inspiration by doing it over a cover or karaoke. Bono and Lyyke are too connected to the words of my experience for anyone else to sing their parts.
I feel its only right to give away the song as you have givin the album and hopefully, like the the original song did for me, it will inspire someone to begin the revolution of the mind, to know that addiction can be arrested, to know that they are not mistakes, to stop existing and start living.
There is no doubt in my mind that i would have gotten high Tuesday had i not heard “The Troubles” that Monday night. So technically you guys have already done me a favor for which i and my family are ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.
if you have made it this far, again i apologize for the length and thank you again for the wonderful gift of music and inspiration. Others may complain about the gift from Apple and U2 but not the man whose life it saved. Thank You! Thank You! Thank YOU!!!
peace, blessings and positive energy for all that you guys connect with.