Transcriber: robotchangeling
Jack: Janine is wearing an elephant mask in Breath of the Wild right now.
Austin: Oh. Exciting. I’ll have to check in.
Jack: I have never seen one of those.
Austin: An elephant mask?
Jack: It’s like the mask of the elephant divine?
Austin: Oh, I see.
Jack: Which is really cool.
Austin: That’s wild.
Jack: I could— I mean, I'm very excited for Tears of the Kingdom, but realistically, I could play Breath of the Wild for five more years and not see things that other people are like, “Yeah, that’s a normal regular part of the game that I’ve seen.”
Austin: Uh huh. Oh, Jack, I cannot wait for you to see what’s in that game. I cannot wait to get your impression.
Jack: I am so excited. I am so excited.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Jack: Especially because…I think I could probably construct a whiteboard based on context clues, [Austin: Mm-hmm.] where I'm like, I think this is kind of what’s going on mechanically.
Austin: Yeah.
Art: Mm.
Jack: But at the same time, Nintendo First-Party, especially in this franchise, [Austin: Mm-hmm.] zigs when you expect them to zag very often, so the way in which— I had a thought last night, which was like, “Oh shit, I think this might be something they're gonna do.” I don't know if it’s what they’re gonna do, [Austin: Mm-hmm.] which I'm excited about. But Art and I are gonna be at a baseball game. [laughs quietly]
Austin: On the day that it comes out?
Jack: Yeah.
Austin: Right. Right.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: That’s fun, though. That’s a fun place to be.
Jack: I'm gonna have my switch.
Art: Yeah.
Austin: I was, uh, on a plane when the copy that I ended up playing was first put on my desk. Actually, no, that’s not true. I was at a wedding when the copy of Breath of the Wild—
Jack: [sarcastic] Whose wedding could that have been, Austin?
Austin: [sarcastic] Hmm, whose wedding could it have been? Certainly not someone on the call.
Jack: [sarcastic] Definitely not.
Art: This is very interesting, because I have to believe that I have some sort of magic power to predict…
Austin: Right, and make plans around…
Art: Certainly I'd booked the wedding before they had announced the [Austin: Yeah.] release date of…
Austin: Breath of the Wild, almost certainly.
Art: And I certainly didn't know [chuckles] that it was the release date when I was pitching baseball games. I was just like, Padres are in town. They’re a fun team.
Austin: Right.
Art: Friday night, fireworks.
Austin: Mm, mm-hmm. [Jack laughs] Very fun.
Jack: No, it’s very sweet, because, you know, if it goes long, if it goes to extra innings…although it doesn't, nowadays. Austin, have you been up on this bullshit?
Austin: What do you mean?
Art: They still have extra innings.
Austin: It doesn't have extra innings?
Jack: No, but the baseball games are over in 40 seconds nowadays.
Austin: That’s not— we actually— did we already talk about this on a different podcast? Maybe neither of you were there.
Jack: You and I?
Austin: We talked about—
Jack: The pitch clock?
Austin: No, no, no. We talked about the pitch clock. We talked about the pitch clock. We talked about people liking the pitch clock, but it sounds like Jack is not a fan.
Art: Ah, this must have been the other group.
Jack: KB is not a fan. Art is not a fan. You are on a call with—
Art: Yeah, I want to have three beers at a baseball game, and I can't do that if the game’s an hour and 50 minutes. [Jack laughs]
Austin: They’ve been three and a half hours instead of four.
Jack: That’s not true.
Art: They had one last week that was an hour and 50 minutes.
Austin: I can have three beers in an hour and 50 minutes.
Jack: It’s a different experience, though.
Art: Not if you have to wait in line.
Jack: Oh, that’s true.
Austin: You just gotta get them all at once. [all laugh]
Jack: You just carry them back.
Austin: Yeah.
Jack: Like a teetering tower.
Austin: You gotta down the first one instantly, on the way back. [Austin and Jack laugh] You have to down the first one while they’re pouring two and three, so you can carry both, one in each hand, and then you sip ‘em.
Art: I've heard that some stadiums are getting rid of or modifying their beer curfews, which they had put in place to—
Austin: To make them earlier? Or to make them later?
Art: To make them later.
Austin: Oh, oh…
Art: Or eliminating them altogether. Which they had put in place [Austin: Right.] to reduce the number of people driving drunk after the games.
Austin: And now they’re like, “Fuck it”? Because we’re not selling enough beer?
Art: Now they’re like, “Fuck it, we’re not making enough money selling beer in these short-ass games.”
Jack: Oh my god, that’s the worst.
Austin: Capitalism, baby! [Art chuckles]
Jack: Wow, yeah.
Austin: Oh boy.
Jack: But no, it’s gonna be lots of fun, and then I'm gonna go home and learn what Tears of the Kingdom is actually about.
Sylvia: I have forgotten literally, like, 99% of the French I learned.
Keith: I wish I could still speak French.
Dre: Zut, zut, et zut.
Sylvia: I can, like, conjugate verbs, which is fucking useless.
Keith: Yeah. I can read French okay. Like, I couldn't read a book, but I can read, like…
Sylvia: I could navigate if I was, like, in Quebec, I think, but I don't think I could have a conversation with anybody, you know?
Keith: I think if you gave me a paragraph of French, I could work out what it all meant, even if I couldn't tell you, like, exactly what the words are. I could definitely read a book for a child, I think? [Sylvia laughs] Like, for a small child.
Sylvia: Cool flex, man.
Janine: I think you would probably be surprised about, like, what you retain.
Keith: Well, I've done, um, Duolingo a few times.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Like, I've never stuck with it, but that’s how I know, like, oh, even when I've taken four years off from the last time I looked at a French word, I can get to, like, you know, level 20 or something without any stumbling. I just really want to do it and stick with it.
Sylvia: Yeah, it’s hard.
Keith: It’s very hard.
Janine: I need to start listening— I'm trying to, like, find a good French podcast to listen to, because I don't use my French anymore, and I'm very confident in my, like, reading French, but my compositional and conversational French I'm not confident in anymore.
Keith: Mm-hmm.
Janine: And that kind of fucks me—
Keith: Yeah, I would like to have, like—
Janine: Because I've put a lot of time into it, so it’s like, I don't want to lose it. Like, I have a degree in French. I don't want to just not have that degree anymore basically.
Keith: Right, yeah. Yeah, I would like a…I would listen to a French podcast, if there was one that was…that looks good.
Janine: I'm sure there’s a bunch, but it’s like, finding the right one is tough.
Keith: Right.
Janine: But again, like—
Keith: Some of them I don't—
Sylvia: I imagine it’s just as hard as finding a good English podcast. [laughs]
Janine: [sighs] Fair.
Keith: Well, it’s like, there’s a level where I don't even— I don't care what it’s about. Like, it’s good enough that it’s French.
Janine: Yeah, yeah.
Keith: Like, I'm so far behind, like, what it actually is saying is less important than that it’s saying it.
Janine: There’s a language app that specializes in just, like, here’s stuff. Like, here’s audio clips and TV clips. I don't remember if that’s Babbel [Keith: Yeah.] or if it’s a different one?
Keith: Yeah.
Janine: But there is one that’s, like, more focused on, like, actual— because I think that’s where Duolingo really falls short.
Keith: Yeah. There’s stuff I've— there’s an app that I've been sort of off and on learning Chinese for the, like, two or three years.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Keith: There’s an app called HelloChinese that has a lot of, like, clips of people saying words.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Like, man on the street style interviews, where they’ll go up and be like, “Say this word,” and then they’ll say it, and you're like, oh, this is what this actually sounds like in a natural environment, or at least, you know, kind of a natural environment, which is very useful for a language that I think is extremely intimidating for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, but the tones I think throw a lot of people off, and watching— this app has made me realize, like, it’s fine. Like, everyone will know what I'm saying if I say it with the wrong tone.
Janine: Yeah.
Keith: And since I've heard people saying that, where it’s like, come on, you know, we’re at the grocery store. Of course you're trying to say this food and not the thing that sounds like this food but has a different tone.
Janine: Yeah. I mean, this is kind of what I mean about the French stuff, is like, I bet both of you, having some French, [Keith: Yeah.] like, you could get a little farther than you're giving yourself credit for.
Sylvia: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Yeah.
Sylvia: Yeah, probably.
Janine: Like, if I say, like: ce quoi vôtres fruit favoris?
Keith: What’s my favorite…something?
Sylvia: Yeah, I missed what the noun— what my favorite thing is there.
Janine: [French] Fruit. Fruit.
Keith: [English] Fruit?
Janine: Yeah.
Keith: [clicks tongue] Favorite fruit.
Janine: What is it? Ce quoi?
Keith: Uh, that is a good question. Um…
Janine: Une bonne question.
Sylvia: Uh, uh, l'orange? [Sylvia and Janine laugh]
Janine: Okay. Pour Sylvi, c’est une orange.
Dre: I didn't realize I was muted this whole time. Fuck me.
Janine: Et pour Keith? Sorry, pour Keit?
Keith: Uh… [Austin and Sylvia laugh]
Austin: Is that how you say Keith?
Janine: They don't have a “th” sound.
Austin: Oh, they don't have a “th” sound.
Dre: Mm.
Keith: I don't know this fruit.
Dre: Is “pomme”? Is that apple?
Sylvia: [laughs] I've said that so many times.
Janine: Pomme. Yeah.
Keith: Yeah, that is apple. [laughs]
Austin: That is apple.
Janine: Une pomme.
Dre: Hey, that’s a fruit.
Keith: I don't know this fruit. I think it’s mango.
Janine: Would that be mangue?
Keith: I…uh…
Janine: M-A-N-G-U-E? Mangue? I don't know—
Keith: Uh, yep, that’s it.
Janine: But that sounds gross.
Keith: It does. It does sound gross.
Janine: Because mange is eat.
Keith: Yeah.
Janine: Okay, so we have une orange, une mangue, une pomme. Austin, what’s your favorite fruit?
Austin: Wait, what was the one that you just said?
Janine: Ce quoi ton fruit favoris? Uh, the one I just said?
Austin: Yeah, what was that one?
Janine: Pomme? Apple?
Austin: Oh, pomme, apple. What is, uh…what is plum? Is it…
Janine: Oh, uh…shit. What is plum?
Austin: I hope it’s not that!
Keith: Gross! [Janine sighs]
Sylvia: You know it’s like how seal is phoque?
Janine: [French] Prune! That’s— okay, that’s why I didn't remember it. Plum in French is “prune”, but we think of prune as prune.
Austin: As prunes.
Sylvia: Oh, yeah!
Dre: Ohh.
Janine: So, wait, what is prune in French? [typing]
Austin: Is it just “dried plum”?
Keith: Is it just called— maybe it’s just the same.
Sylvia: They might just call it, like, “dried plums” or something.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: Pruneau! So plum is “prune,” and then prune is “pruneau.”
Sylvia: Hmm.
Janine: Which is silly.
Austin: Well, then…
Sylvia: Languages are cool.
Austin: Yeah, it’s the first one. That’s me. Not— you know what? I guess I have not had a prune in so long that maybe I've come around on prunes.
Janine: I think I should— I don't think I've ever had one.
Dre: Yeah.
Janine: I feel like I should try. I had such a good streak with the apricots recently.
Dre: Oh, man, apricots are good.
Keith: You know, I think that one of the problems with prunes is that the canned prunes in prune juice thing?
Janine: Ew. That’s a thing?
Austin: Mm.
Keith: Like, those are gross, [Austin: Mm-hmm.] and I think the most common way that you have prunes.
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Mm, mm-hmm.
Keith: But an actual prune the way that you would get a raisin, just like dried in a bag, is really good.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: Right.
Dre: I feel like prunes suffer from, like, the same— they’re like the fruit equivalent of…
Keith: [distantly] Whoop!
Dre: Oh, what? Keith?
Austin: Did we lose Keith? What happened?
Dre: I just heard Keith go “whoa!” and I thought maybe my audio was fucking up.
Austin: Oh, no, no.
Sylvia: No, you're fine.
Dre: Okay.
Janine: The French police showed up and took him away.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Keith: Uhh…
Dre: I don't remember what I was saying anyway.
Austin: Uh oh. Keith, are you okay?
Keith: Yeah, sorry. I dropped a bunch of stuff and got tangled.
Austin: Oh boy.
Janine: Mm-mm.
Keith: I accidentally stepped on my headphone cable, and it yanked it out of my headphone.
Dre: Ugh!
Janine: Ew.
Austin: Oh no!
Dre: Are you, like, physically okay?
Keith: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s fine. It’s detachable, so all it did was like unplug it.
Austin: Oh, okay. Sure.
Dre: Okay.
Keith: And I couldn't hear anything. But then, while I was getting that, I dropped a screwdriver and rolled over it with my chair and was, like, reaching…
Dre: Oof.
Sylvia: Agh!
Keith: Reaching underneath the chair to get the screwdriver was why I went “blech!”
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Dre: Oh, okay.
Austin: Are we good?
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: Uh, actually, I need, like, 40 seconds. One sec.
Austin: Okay.
Ali: Okay.
Dre: [sighs] Okay.
Janine: Ali, what’s your favorite fruit?
Ali: My favorite fruit?
Janine: Yeah.
Ali: That’s tough. I don't eat a lot of fruit. Apple, I guess?
Dre: Mm. My real answer is banana, probably.
Janine: Mm.
Ali: Yeah, oh, banana probably.
Janine: Mm-hmm. Banane.
Austin: Banana.
Janine: That’s an easy one. That’s good.
Dre: Strawberries are also good.
Austin: Wait, is that what it is in French? What is it?
Janine: Yeah. Banane.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: Banane. Yeah, great.
Dre: Oh.
Janine: Banane.
Austin: Great.
Janine: I wonder what the Minions say in French. They probably just say that, but like, I bet it sounds different.
Austin: They sound like they’re from Minnesota, actually.
Dre: French Minions.
Austin: They have a Minnesota accent.
Janine: Yeah.
Dre: [French accent] Le Minion.
Ali: [muffled] Well, they’re French, right? Sorry to talk with my mouth full.
Austin: No, they’re—
Janine: Rabbids are French. [Sylvia laughs]
Austin: Rabbids are French.
Ali: No, but Despicable Me was made by a French animation studio, wasn't it?
Keith: [quietly] Be right back.
Janine: I don't know.
Austin: I don't think so.
Sylvia: Oh, I don't know.
Austin: Wasn't it an American studio?
Ali: No.
Sylvia: We talk about the Minions so much on this show. [Ali and Keith laugh]
Keith: They’re— Ali—
Janine: This is part of the work of reclaiming.
Austin: They’re, like, southern European is my— they’re, like…
Sylvia: Italian!
Austin: They’re Italian. They’re south Spain.
Ali: Don't make them Italian. [laughs]
Austin: They are. They are.
Keith: We’re talking about the ethnicity of the Minions, right?
Janine: Well, there’s—
Austin: They are white ethnic. That is what they are. That is the thing that they’re doing with the Minions.
Keith: Oh yeah, they have to be white.
Ali: But Despicable Me was made by, like, a French…
Austin: No, this guy’s Spanish.
Ali: Am I losing it?
Austin: This guy’s from Barcelona. You're just—
Dre: No, Quora says you're correct.
Austin: Quora’s wrong. What?
Ali: All right, Quora.
Austin: Whose Quora?
Sylvia: [crosstalk] I mean, the studio might be French. The guy who made it might not be.
Dre: [crosstalk] Well, Quora says that the Minions were created by a French animation studio called Mac Guff that was later acquired by Illumination Studios.
Austin: But the director is Spanish from Barcelona.
Ali: Oh.
Austin: The creator of the Minions is from Barcelona.
Janine: And as we know, animated movies are the product of many people, says creator of Minions, that guy from Barcelona.
Dre: Ohh.
Austin: [laughs] Right, yeah.
Dre: There is— well, the guy who codirected four films in the Despicable Me franchise is French.
Austin: This is what I'm saying. It’s—
Dre: Oh, he’s the voice of the Minions. There we go.
Austin: But what they’re doing—
Ali: Yeah. But I was right that it’s a French animation studio.
Austin: Sure.
Ali: But I get what you're saying, that like…
Austin: You see what I'm saying, right?
Ali: They’re not…
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: They’re meant to be people who wear overalls. Like, that is… [Ali laughs] Like, that is what the Minions are. [laughs quietly] Because that’s what they are.
Sylvia: They’re, like…yeah.
Austin: Like, literally.
Janine: They are people who wear overalls, yeah.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: They have to be people that wear overalls, because they all wear overalls.
Austin: Mm-hmm.
Ali: [laughs] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That’s why their names are Kevin, Stuart, Bob, Mel, Otto, Ken, Mike, Dave, Jerry, Carl, Lance, Tom—
Sylvia: [aghast noises]
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: [laughing] Phil, Tim, Mark, Jorge—
Sylvia: [relieved] Okay. Okay, you had a list. [Ali laughs] For a second, I was like, “Ali, what the fuck?!”
Ali: Yeah, sorry, I'm on the Despicable Me Wikipedia page. [laughs]
Sylvia: Okay. Okay. [Dre sighs]
Austin: Are you sure you're on the real one and not the fan— the RP?
Ali: [laughs] This is wikipedia.org.
Dre: Oh shit. Of course there’s Minions RP!
Austin: Yeah, of course there is.
Sylvia: God, I fucking hate the Minions.
Austin: Of course there is.
Ali: [laughs] Anyway. Want to do a three, two, one?
Austin: Yeah. I'll close all these Minions tabs.
Ali: Get us back in here.
Austin: Minions are on the Heroes and the Fandom wikis?! [Ali laughs]
Keith: How could they be on Heroes?
Austin: There’s no way.
Keith: By definition, they’re evil. Is it because they’re the main characters of Despicable Me, so they’re—
Sylvia: Well, I believe they are protagonists.
Keith: They’re protagonists?
Austin: Type of heroic species, on-and-off servants of villains! That’s villains!
Keith: On! Only on!
Austin: It’s only—
Keith: They’re canonically always the— there’s a— canonically, the only reason that the Minions were not working for Hitler during World War II [Austin: Yes.] is because they were, like, trapped somewhere.
Janine: Were they, like, in ice? I think I remember hearing they were in ice.
Austin: Yeah, they were…
Sylvia: I believe they were, like, underground or something is what I was told.
Dre: Right next to Captain America. [Keith and Austin laugh]
Austin: They were frozen.
Keith: Yeah, they had to not be Nazis, because that would be too fucked up, but they also had to stay true to Minions fiction.
Austin: Right.
Dre: Sure.
Keith: Which would say that if they could've been Nazis, they would've been.
Austin: They would've been Nazis. Yeah, uh huh.
Sylvia: Jesus Christ.
Dre: God. Listen.
Austin: They wish they could. They woke up, and they were like, “Fuck.”
Keith: Aw, the most evil guy, and we missed it?
Austin: We missed it.
Keith: Fuck!
Keith: Dre said “Getting water and BRT.” Do we all know what—
Sylvia: Be right there.
Keith: Oh, be right there. Okay. I thought this was, like, bread.
Janine: Bacon, romaine, tomato.
Sylvia: Bith regard to.
Keith: [laughs] I thought it was maybe, like, a fun way of saying bread. Like, “bret.”
Ali: Huh?
Keith: Getting water and bret.
Ali: I don't know that you need new ways to say bread. [Sylvia laughs quietly]
Keith: Well, you never need new ways to say anything, but…
Ali: Hmm. Well.
Keith: You cannot stop people from innovating.
Ali: Mm-hmm.
Keith: How’s your bread?
Ali: My bread?
Keith: No, Dre’s bread. Dre just popped in. [Ali laughs]
Austin: Oh, god. Dre, don't worry about it.
Sylvia: It’s bread.
Austin: Dre.
Keith: How’s your bread? You get a water and bread.
Austin: It is exactly that. [Sylvia laughs]
Keith: Yes, that is what it is. [laughs]
Austin: Got it in one, honestly. Nice job.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Oh.
Keith: Right, yeah, a fun new way of saying bread.
Dre: Yeah. [Keith laughs]
Austin: Dre, I'm really happy you picked up on that immediately.
Dre: Is he, you know, a friend of Bret?
Austin: [laughs] God. All right. [Sylvia laughs] Time.is.
Ali: Time.is.
Dre: Time.is, now with ad-blocking technology.
Austin: Oh, did you have to do that, or is that a…?
Dre: Yeah, it turns out.
Ali: Yeah, Dre was getting ads yesterday.
Janine: Yeah, it was a whole— ads for weird shit.
Dre: I was getting full screen FEMA flood insurance ads.
Austin: Okay. Let me tell you: we could make a decision here.
Ali: Oh? Oh, time.gov?
Austin: We could go to time.gov. I just started this podcast with the Ranged Touch folks, and they do time.gov.
Ali: [sighs] Let me take a look in there.
Janine: FEMA’s already dot gov.
Ali: Time.gov. Let me see how this looks.
Dre: Well, it wasn't even FEMA. It was FEMA being like, “Wouldn't it be cool for you to buy flood insurance so that we—”
Austin: That’s not FEMA. That’s the flood insurance company, right? FEMA is not actually buying those ads.
Sylvia: Time.gov reminds me of the Santa NORAD tracker, so.
Austin: It does. Well, it’s probably the same people.
Sylvia: Probably.
Janine: I hate this.
Ali: Well, it’s scary, because so much is moving at once, right?
Janine: There’s too many clocks.
Ali: Yeah.
Austin: There’s a lot of clocks.
Sylvia: They all have the same second value, though.
Austin: They do. That’s what’s important.
Ali: Can you just make one be big?
Austin: I don't know. Probably not, because it’s like…
Keith: I think no. I think it’s just like this.
Austin: Yeah.
Janine: [typing] I'm just gonna type “clock website.” Maybe there’s a good one that we just didn't know about. [Sylvia laughs]
Ali: But the syncing is what you need.
Austin: Yeah, but they are all synced.
Ali: Mm…
Austin: It’s all the same second.
Ali: Well, I don't trust— well, yeah, but I don't trust…
Janine: What about clockie.app?
Ali: Okay.
Austin: I don't trust this. [Keith laughs]
Dre: Hmm? Clockie.app.
Ali: Is that a Y or I-E?
Sylvia: I think I've had that recommended to me.
Janine: Uh, it’s I-E.
Ali: Of course, yeah, okay.
Austin: Uh, excuse me, this says it’s the first AI-powered clock website.
Janine: Uh oh. What does that mean? [Ali groans]
Austin: Productivity track— it’s the first AI-powered productivity tracking software.
Janine: You're a clock. What does that mean? [Sylvia laughs]
Keith: Okay, so, it does—
Austin: And it has AI—
Janine: Aren’t all clocks…?
Austin: It has AI anti-cheat, so.
Dre: Not all clocks.
Ali: Anti-cheat?
Janine: Oh, it has Denuvo? Cool.
Austin: Uh huh.
Janine: [sarcastic] I need a clock with Denuvo.
Austin: Save time and money.
Ali: I like this, though.
Austin: No, you don't. What? You like Clockie app?
Janine: What about—
Ali: Well, I like the way it looks! [laughs quietly]
Janine: Because you get a big picture?
Ali: Yeah. What’s wrong with that? Or you can do dark mode.
Austin: We could get a website that looks like this.
Janine: There’s also time-time.net.
Austin: Oh! I see what it is. Holy shit! It does have anti-cheat.
Keith: What is it?
Austin: Seven of ten workers try to cheat in work from home.
Dre: Fuck that.
Keith: Wow.
Austin: That’s what they’re arguing. [Ali gasps]
Dre: Get outta here.
Austin: That’s what Clockie app is.
Janine: What?
Austin: Clockie app is a “prevent your workers—” It’s like a clock-in.
Sylvia: There it is.
Austin: “Watch your workers not do work” app.
Janine: I don't understand.
Austin: That’s what it is.
Keith: Wow. Criminal.
Janine: So, they would have to install it and basically, like, punch in, punch out, and it would—
Austin: Yeah, well, Clockie app uses Artificial Intelligence—bolded—to learn about the User’s Behavior, bolded.
Sylvia: [quietly amused] Clockie app.
Janine: It would have to—
Austin: It is capable of detect the difference between the normal user behavior and a—bolded—work simulation attempt, even if this comes from a random app—
Janine: Work simulation attempt.
Austin: Yeah, even if this comes from “an randomized application.”
Janine: What?
Keith: You know, I think that one of the— obviously, on the face of it, it’s terrible, but I think the second level is: I don't think an AI can do that. [Ali laughs]
Austin: You don't think our anti-cheat uses artificial intelligence—bolded—to analyze the text the user is typing, comma, it detects the difference—bolded—between real work and related text and random text?
Janine: So you have to keep typing.
Keith: I think that this is—
Austin: Well, no, it isn't you have to keep typing. It’s saying it can use AI to determine the difference between real work text typing and a fake— like if you have an auto key gen thing running, [Janine: Ohh.] it can tell that that’s not real work.
Janine: Right. Okay.
Austin: Is what it’s saying.
Janine: So, it can't tell if I'm, like, watching a GDC video on YouTube or if I'm watching cats on YouTube.
Austin: [crosstalk] Protect your company against mouse abuse! Protect your company against scripts! Protect your company against malicious apps!
Janine: What’s mouse abuse?
Ali: I'm coming back around time.gov.
Austin: Protect your company against external hardware!
Janine: Time.gov would do this if they could! [Ali laughs]
Austin: No, they would.
Janine: Come on.
Austin: Yeah.
Keith: I like time.is. I think time.gov is—
Austin: Protect your company against repetitive behaviors.
Keith: I think time.gov is too much.
Austin: Protect your company against power sabotage.
Janine: Okay, okay, but, but, but: what about time-time.net? We haven't talked about time-time.net.
Austin: Time dot— wait.
Ali: Time dash time…
Janine: Time-time.net.
Ali: Okay.
Austin: Time time.
Janine: Time time.
Ali: Where even is the time here?
Austin: Yeah, the time—
Janine: In the middle!
Austin: No, it isn't.
Ali: This little-ass…?
Austin: It’s not in the middle. It’s in the top left.
Janine: Oh, did you— okay, you went to a different— I have a different— I went to time-time.net/timer/digital-clock.php.
Ali: Okay, wait, can you link that in the chat? [laughs]
Austin: Timer.
Janine: I did. I did.
Austin: No, you can just say it.
Janine: I linked it. I did link it.
Austin: I don't— I need to type it. Slash what?
Janine: [slowly] Time-time.net/timer/digital-clock.php.
Austin: [crosstalk] Dot net slash…yeah? Digital dash clock dot php.
Dre: Okay. I have another. I have another idea.
Ali: Where is this link?
Austin: This looks bad.
Dre: Also, I screenshotted the full screen time.is edge— er, time.is ads, because I opened Edge to get them.
Austin: Time dot ads.
Keith: Okay.
Austin: Knock knock. The river. [laughs quietly]
Janine: What about clocktab.com?
Austin: Knock knock— wait.
Janine: Clocktab.com is very pretty.
Austin: Clocktab.com?
Keith: Clocktab.com.
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Dre: We could go to dayspedia.com.
Austin: No, it isn't. This looks like a Tumblr dom website to me.
Ali: What?
Dre: Oh. Okay.
Sylvia: Yeah. No, I can see it.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: Go to clocktab.com.
Ali: I'm still looking for this link that Janine posted.
Keith: Okay, yeah, the…
Dre: Oh, yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Clock…
Janine: It’s in General.
Keith: It’s very carbon fiber.
Austin: This is someone in a bad suit taking— yeah, it is carbon fiber.
Ali: Oh.
Janine: This is very closeup shot of a leather belt wrapped around a hand.
Austin: Yeah, 100%.
Dre: Uh huh.
Austin: That is exactly what I mean.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: Yeah.
Dre: These are Gordon Ramsay’s shitty pans that he charges—
Sylvia: I see we’ve gone from clocky app to my Grindr DMs. Great. [Austin laughs]
Ali: Wait…okay, but just…
Austin: But it does have Christmas. It does have a Christmas countdown.
Ali: There’s Steel Gold.
Austin: What?
Ali: There’s Modern.
Austin: Wait, where are you seeing—?
Janine: Is there?
Austin: Oh, there’s settings.
Ali: Right underneath.
Janine: Oh, you can also—
Ali: There’s Ocean.
Janine: You can click on the clock, and it gets huge!
Austin: Oh, Steel— okay. Look at Steel Gold, though. This is a hideous website.
Keith: Ew.
Austin: Yeah. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Oh my god, that’s disgusting, yeah.
Ali: But, okay—
Janine: Ew.
Dre: Listen, if you go to dayspedia.com, there’s a clock, and there’s games.
Austin: Find me one of these that you think is good.
Ali: [laughing] Wait, everybody set it to The King, please. Everybody set it to The King.
Austin: The King?
Keith: Okay. The King.
Janine: Oh, there’s Sin City.
Austin: Oh my god, The King. [Ali laughs]
Sylvia: Wait.
Keith: Oh, wow.
Janine: Oh. Oh.
Dre: Are we still at clocktab.com? Okay.
Austin: Daveth-ass motherfucker.
Ali: That’s not a king!
Austin: No, it’s not. [Sylvia laughs]
Janine: Merlin? Is this a Merlin fansite?
Sylvia: That’s fucking…that’s, um… [claps]
Austin: Can we all set it to Naruto, please?
Sylvia: That’s Timothee Chalamet.
Keith: Yeah, that—
Austin: Uh huh.
Keith: Hey, that’s not Naruto. [Ali laughs]
Sylvia: That is not. That’s Sasuke.
Dre: That’s not Naruto at all.
Austin: Uh huh.
Sylvia: I think we should use this website.
Austin: Can we set— okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Can we set it to Classy? Wait, no one set it to Classy! No one set it! No one set it yet!
Ali: Yeah, Classy’s fantastic.
Austin: No one set it yet! No one set it to that.
Keith: Okay, I haven't set it. I haven't set it.
Janine: Okay.
Austin: Tell me what you think Classy is.
Sylvia: Top hat.
Dre: Uh…
Keith: I think that it’s, like, a—
Austin: Top hat, good guess.
Sylvia: Martini glass.
Austin: Martini glass.
Keith: Champagne and, like, gold.
Austin: Champagne and gold.
Dre: It’s a black and white photo.
Janine: Japanese host club aesthetic.
Dre: It’s definitely black and white.
Austin: Black and white photo of what?
Dre: Uhhh…I don't know.
Keith: Oh, um, a guy with a fedora.
Austin: A guy with a fedora. Sorry, Dre, what did you say?
Dre: I don't know. A person.
Austin: Tell me more. I need more. [Ali laughs]
Dre: I don't… [Sylvia laughs]
Austin: You're zeroing in on this. I need you to close your eyes! [Ali laughs]
Dre: Uh…like, a lady in a nice dress.
Austin: Ah.
Dre: But her back is turned to the camera, so you can't…
Janine: Mm.
Austin: Yeah, I see where you went. You went to a good place.
Janine: Mm.
Austin: That was wrong.
Dre: Aw.
Austin: Everyone go to Classy.
Dre: Oh! [Ali laughs]
Keith: Oh.
Janine: Oh.
Dre: She’s wearing a hoodie?
Ali: [laughing] I don't know.
Keith: She is wearing a hoodie.
Janine: This is one of those “hand of” whatever.
Austin: They yassified Eminem right before the climax of 8 Mile. [Keith laughs]
Dre: What is this font?
Janine: No, this is from that video game. This is from that “hand of” whatever game, the new one.
Austin: Hand of Fate? No?
Janine: No, no, no.
Austin: Hand of what?
Janine: The new one! [laughs quietly]
Austin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Janine: That’s old.
Austin: The new one that’s old?
Janine: The one we just watched!
Austin: I don't know what we just watched. Hand of Doom.
Janine: With the FMV! Hand of Doom.
Austin: Yeah, that— no one’s seen that. People need to go see Hand of Doom, but like…
Dre: Okay.
Janine: That’s the point, is people need to go see Hand of Doom.
Dre: Listen, I'm just over here on dayspedia.com, and now I'm playing solitaire.
Austin: Dayspedia?
Ali: Dayspedia?
Dre: Yeah.
Sylvia: I have too many of these windows open. Hold on. [Ali laughs]
Dre: Days pedia.
Keith: The only two of these that I would even consider are time.is and time.gov.
Austin: Oh, Colors Battle?
Ali: I don't like Dayspedia.
Austin: No, these are bad.
Dre: Oh, what’s Colors Battle?
Ali: I would accept clocktab.com on the Lobster setting.
Austin: Lobster.
Sylvia: I do like when you google Dayspedia— like, Dayspedia has a little slogan at the top, though.
Ali: Oh?
Austin: Does it?
Sylvia: “It’s all about Time!” [Ali laughs]
Dre: Oho. Hey, it’s world…
Austin: Oh, I see what you're saying.
Keith: Ooh, I can do Sudoku. I love Sudoku.
Ali: I don't like that the…
Austin: This is making me sweaty.
Sylvia: Oh, I hate how the thing moves on this.
Ali: Yeah.
Janine: Colors Battle.
Ali: Uh huh.
Austin: I tried it. It’s not good. You're good.
Ali: I don't like it.
Sylvia: Can we use the one that has Naruto?
Dre: Ooh, there’s a puppy jigsaw puzzle. [Ali laughs]
Janine: Ohh.
Ali: I'm going back to time.is.
Austin: All right, time.is.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: I am sorry that there are ads on time.is now.
Keith: Well, because, you know, I want to know what the time dot is. I don't want to know what the time dot gov. [Sylvia laughs]
Austin: No.
Ali: Mm.
Austin: No, like, and time.gov is clearly a— it partly is being funded by the US Department of Defense, which I don't love.
Keith: Right.
Austin: I don't love that. I guess I'll take shady capitalists over the Navy. I'm guessing shady capitalists run time.is.
Dre: Sure.
Sylvia: I mean, just by the amount—
Austin: I will say, for—
Dre: Look at the quotes.
Sylvia: Like, the quote tone, you know?
Dre: Yeah.
Austin: Exactly. I will say, and I've always thought this…oh, you know what? I'm fine. Nevermind. You know what? Maybe time.is is fine.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Hmm?
Austin: I thought that dot IS…dot IS is not a top level domain. Dot IS is a top level domain for Iceland, so maybe it’s Ice-land people— Iceland people.
Janine: Yeah.
Austin: So.
Keith: Ice-land.
Austin: Icelanders.
Sylvia: Something I've discovered about Clock Tab is it is two seconds out of sync.
Dre: Oh no!
Janine: Is it? Mine is exactly the same as time.is.
Sylvia: Mine’s two seconds off.
Austin: Your personal computer, you're saying.
Janine: I've been—
Sylvia: No, the— I have a tab open— I am looking at both windows.
Austin: Oh, you're saying that time.is and time.gov are off for you?
Keith: Oh, for me they were the same.
Sylvia: No, time.is is different than Clock Tab, which has the Sasuke background that I kept open.
Janine: I'm flipping back and forth between them and they’re the same.
Austin: Oh. [Ali laughs]
Keith: Oh, yeah, I'm not surprised that time dot—
Dre: My Clock Tab is also, like, a second or two behind time.is.
Austin: I suspect the— I'll be honest: I think Clock Tab and all these other ones…
Sylvia: He’s got one angel wing.
Austin: Can we all— can someone start— Sylvi, what second is your Clock Tab at?
Sylvia: Uh, Clock Tab is at zero, one, two, three, four…
Austin: Yeah, see, this is not…
Keith: Yeah, it’s, like, five seconds behind.
Janine: Oh, mine’s at five, six, seven.
Sylvia: Five, six, seven, eight…
Austin: Yeah, that’s your local time. I think Clock Tab is just pulling up your local time.
Sylvia: Whoa. I'm feeling anxious now. [Ali laughs]
Austin: You can stop. You can stop.
Sylvia: I will.
Austin: My point being: I don't think that it’s actually doing…
Sylvia: Did I drop? I can't hear anything.
Austin: Sylvi? Sylvi?
Keith: No, no. [Ali gasps]
Dre: Sylvi?
Austin: Sylviiii!
Dre: Uh oh.
Keith: Clock Tab got her! [Dre laughs]
Austin: Yeah. Are you back, Sylvi? Did Sylvi’s connection break? [Ali laughs] Did Sylvi’s computer just break?
Dre: Oh no.
Austin: I don't— oh, we shouldn't have been going to all these fucking websites. [Ali laughs]
Janine: I mean—
Sylvia: Hello? What the fuck?
Janine: Okay, so, a nice thing about Clock Tab, though, is you can—
Austin: You're back?
Sylvia: I'm back! [laughter] What the fuck happened?
Keith: Clock Tab heard you were talking shit.
Janine: Yeah.
Sylvia: I got hit by Chidori. [Ali laughs]
Austin: Janine, what’s the nice thing about Clock Tab?
Janine: You can put Clock Tab— you can tell it to put the seconds in the tab title, so you don't even have to be in the tab to see the seconds.
Austin: Yeah, but they’re not real seconds. They’re not our seconds.
Dre: Yeah.
Janine: Well, they are for me.
Austin: They’re not. [Keith laughs]
Janine: I don't know what’s going on with y'all, but…
Austin: That’s just your local clock seconds being right.
Janine: But— okay, but mine is—
Austin: Right?
Janine: It’s the same as time.is for me. They’re identical.
Austin: Right, I get it. I get it.
Janine: I can watch them…
Ali: But on time.is, does it—
Austin: How many seconds back are you?
Ali: No, no, no. Yeah, that’s what I mean. On time.is, what is the desync?
Austin: Because if it’s less than a second, it’s—
Janine: 0.08.
Austin: Yeah, so it’s always gonna be synced for you.
Ali: Right.
Janine: Okay.
Keith: Yeah, my Clock Tab is two seconds behind [Austin: Exactly] the ones that are synced.
Austin: It’s just—
Keith: So it wouldn't do the one thing we need it for, [Austin: Right.] which is for them to all be the same for all of us at the same time.
Austin: Exactly.
Ali: Uh huh.
Austin: That’s the one thing we need. I'm sorry to Romuald, the—
Janine: I don't know. That’s weird. That’s weird.
Austin: What do you mean?
Janine: I don't know, it’s just…
Keith: Yeah, just a fake app that’s pretending to be an extra clock but isn't.
Janine: Yeah.
Sylvia: It might just be syncing to, like, the system clock.
Austin: That is exactly what it’s doing.
Keith: Yeah.
Ali: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: Clock Tab is just your system’s clock. It’s not actually—
Keith: Which I already have as part of my system.
Janine: Wait, do—
Austin: Yes.
Janine: Do most people not have their system clock to be syncing internetty?
Austin: Uh, I think that there are different…
Sylvia: There’s still, like, a margin of error for that, I think.
Austin: That is a thing.
Janine: Okay.
Austin: There is still a margin of error because of, like, your power source dying, for instance.
Janine: Huh. Oh.
Keith: Yeah. Yeah, I'm the same way.
Austin: That’s why the shit gets desynced. Yeah, exactly.
Keith: At my last place, my clock was, like, 0.03 seconds behind. It was, like, almost exactly right. At my new place, it’s more than half a second wrong.
Austin: Right.
Keith: So it’s just, like, totally dependent on where you are and how fast your internet is also.
Austin: Yeah, it’s a pain. This is why we have to do this.
Janine: That sucks.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Anyway, I do like this about Clock Tab is it does say who made it. [reading] “Romuald, the creator of Clock Tab. For the longest time, I refused to put ads on Clock Tab. I don't like ads.”
Ali: Mm.
Austin: “But I want to improve Clock Tab, and I've many ideas for new features. Ads and donations allow me to dedicate more time to Clock Tab. If you—”
Sylvia: How much do I need to donate for a Gaara skin? [Ali laughs quietly]
Austin: “If you donate, I will give you a hidden code to remove ads.” I bet…
Janine: Mm.
Austin: I bet that Romuald would. I bet if you gave money, and you said, “Here is $100.”
Sylvia: Here’s $100 and a PNG of Gaara.
Austin: Yeah. I bet it would happen.
Janine: Yeah. I mean, the one of Sasuke is just—
Austin: Oh, you could just do it.
Janine: Is just, like, run through a— it’s run through a Photoshop filter called Oil Paint, but I'm pretty sure it’s just some fanart or something that they found.
Austin: Yeah. You could make it—
Janine: It’s, like, very clearly just run through a filter.
Austin: This is kind of nice. You can add a custom URL.
Dre: Oh.
Janine: Oh.
Austin: So.
Dre: Like, at the end of it?
Austin: No, like, if you click on Customize, you can just add your own backgrounds.
Dre: Oh.
Austin: And, like, change the font.
Sylvia: This is a real fucking website.
Austin: This is a real fucking website. It’s not…
Sylvia: None of this fucking…
Keith: Clock Tab is, you mean?
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: Wait, you can create…
Keith: But it doesn't work!
Sylvia: I don't care.
Austin: No, I know. I know. I know. I know.
Sylvia: That’s the spirit of real websites.
Austin: Is that they don't work.
Dre: Yeah.
Keith: Right.
Austin: Create and share. Create and save it under a new name. How do I save it? Oh, I just do this. Gaara big. Okay.
Sylvia: [contemplatively] Gaara big.
Austin: And then I hit Send.
Janine: Mm, Gaara small, I thought, but okay.
Sylvia: Well, he grows up.
Austin: Here. This doesn't work, but I mean, here you go.
Janine: [sarcastic] Cool.
Austin: One second. Will this— this is very funny. This is very funny. Does this work for you, Sylvi?
Sylvia: Oh my god. Wait.
Janine: You spelled Gaara wrong.
Austin: I don't care. It’s two A’s, right?
Sylvia: [sadly] No, it doesn't.
Austin: It doesn't? Okay.
Janine: I think so.
Sylvia: It is two A’s, yeah.
Austin: Yeah, that’s fine.
Dre: Well.
Austin: Okay, well, wait a second. Let me find—
Janine: Yeah, this is just showing me Eugene Von Guerard 1.
Austin: Well, that’s very funny. Well, what about it if I link it with the big link that’s bad? Actually, I'll just fix this. I'll fix it. I'll fix it. I'm gonna fix it to make it better. Two A’s. Save. Share link. Copied share link. How about this? Whoa, don't click that. That feels, like, evil to me. Don't click that.
Dre: Oh.
Austin: Oh, that’s just the image of Gaara. [Ali laughs]
Janine: That’s just a picture, yeah.
Austin: All right, there you go. Click that.
Ali: Wow.
Dre: That’s a big link.
Sylvia: Let’s fucking go! It’s working, Austin!
Dre: Wow! [Austin laughs]
Ali: It works.
Sylvia: Theme Gaara successfully saved.
Janine: Why is there glitter?
Ali: The text color is so nice.
Janine: Oh, I guess it’s sand. I guess it’s sand. Okay.
Austin: It’s sand.
Sylvia: Yeah.
Austin: I need to turn on the air conditioning. It’s too hot. I'll be right back.
Janine: I thought he was just…
Sylvia: He is of the sand, so.
Janine: Having a disco moment. [Sylvia laughs]
Dre: How many more of these goofy animal pictures am I allowed to post into the Dog Pound? I feel like—
Ali: As many as you like.
Dre: Okay. Don't do this, Ali. [Keith laughs] Because here’s the—
Keith: That is a very serious little dog.
Janine: Oh, puzzle garage.
Dre: Here’s a schnauzer dressed up as a sailor man.
Keith: Aw.
Janine: Aw! Mittelschnauzer. [Ali snorts]
Austin: Mittelschnauzer to you too. [Janine laughs]
Keith: Wow, the time.is ads are pretty intrusive, huh?
Dre: Yeah, they take up your whole screen. All right.
Austin: I just wish I knew who ran time.is.
Keith: Well, all of their data comes from the Internet Assigned Numbers Authority database.
Austin: Yeah.
Sylvia: Numbers Authority? Hearing the phrase “Numbers Authority” is giving me the same feeling about when I learned about the Unicode Consortium. [Keith laughs] Just, like, a very sinister sounding thing that is extremely silly.
Keith: [reading] “The IANA is one of the internet’s oldest institutions, with functions dating back to the 1970s. Today the services are provided by Public Technical Identifiers, a purpose-built organization providing the IANA functions to the community. PTI is an affiliate of ICANN, an internationally-organized non-profit organization set up by the Internet community to coordinate our areas of responsibilities.” So really, I think time.is is just someone’s website to generate a small amount of money from people—
Austin: Who are already doing…
Keith: Who are already doing this, but as part of a nonprofit.
Austin: Yes, I think that’s probably true. I think that’s probably true.
Janine: Mm.
Keith: Which is, I think, like, lowest possible level shady business thing that you can do.
Austin: Right, I'm not harmed by this, as far as I can tell.
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: Right?
Keith: Yeah.
Austin: All right. Time.is.
Janine: I didn't realize time.is had a timezone news section. It’s very weird.
Austin: It’s a whole thing. It’s a whole thing.
Janine: Yeah. Yeah.
Austin: All right. Are we ready to do a clap?
Janine: Mm-hmm.
Austin: Uh, 25.
Sylvia: Wait. Wait
Austin: No? No.
Sylvia: Sorry. I had Clock Tab open instead of time.is. I'm good now.
Austin: 30. 30. We’re gonna do 30.
Sylvia: I tabbed over and saw Gaara.
[they clap]
[“No Crisis” by Jack de Quidt plays]