My experience with Benjamin Barnett of Kind of Like Spitting

(TRIGGER WARNING: Grooming, manipulation, sexual manner, abuse of power)

I am very scared to post this. I’ve been scared to post this for a very long time and sharing my story wasn’t even an option until recent thought. It has been eating me up for months now, even making life harder to live. Seeing Ben have support from so many impressionable people, especially young women, not knowing his true nature. I will not be silent any longer. For the last couple months of my life, I have been struggling mentally after what I went through knowing Ben Barnett.

I am not posting this to drag his name in the mud, or to defame him or his platform.

I just want to share my story.

This all started when I personally reached out to Ben Barnett to tell him about how big of a fan I was of his work on April 1, 2024.

From the beginning, there was a very clear power imbalance considering I was the one who reached out to him as a fan. A very big fan to be exact.

In this exchange of messages, I mentioned my band and how he has inspired all of us to make music. I sent him some of our songs and he expressed that he liked our music. Within our first exchange of messages he proposed the idea of recording our next record and having us stay at his house. We obviously obliged to the idea, because we were all huge fans and I even say in our exchange of messages the opportunity quote

 ”would be a dream come true”

We would text occasionally over the span of a couple months, talking about recording and plans for the future with music.

Our plans fell through due to my taking a hiatus up in June.

This is when Ben and I’s relationship shifted, as I personally reached out to him for advice since I have not prior gone through anything of this nature. Me being so young, and Feb being my first band and Ben being 49 having played shows and being in bands his whole life. I was reaching out to him in a very dark time in my life. I was dealing with loss and my depression was at an all time high.

I was seeking understanding, advice, and guidance.

TRIGGER WARNING: Grooming, Manipulation

I had Ben on Facebook, Instagram, and as a contact on my personal phone. In relation to reaching out for advice, we would talk about numerous other things. Sometimes text, sometimes on the phone. I was so excited that my biggest idol was talking to me.

In many of the conversations we had, he made numerous comments that have made me extremely uncomfortable and has abused the power imbalance in our relationship. I was naive, and a fan. I knew something was wrong because it would always make me feel icky but   I didn’t tell anyone about our conversations, in fear of his reputation being compromised.

I have now realized after months of constant manipulation and healing that I was groomed, and looking back at our conversations I feel disgusted.

He took advantage of the fact that I was a young impressionable fan and aspiring artist and tried to flip the narrative to be that he was just trying to help out with my band and see us succeed. There is no circumstance where a 50 year old man who is trying to help with music should be conversing with a girl a third of their age in such an inappropriate manner.

When I think of how he talked to me, I feel sick. Even now having to sift through months of disgusting conversations to compile evidence I have a pit in my stomach. I feel used, disgusting and I still feel like I have to protect his image and reputation as an artist. I was scared, I still am scared. I didn’t know what to do, my biggest musical inspiration and someone I looked up to was talking to me inappropriately whilst promising to help me and my band go far with our musical career. Always telling me and my band about all of his connections and strings he’s pulled in the past to get things the way he wants.

TRIGGER WARNING: Grooming, Manipulation, Abuse of power

NEXT SCREENSHOTS SHOW UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS SHARED WITH BEN BARBETT OVER THE SPAN OF A COUPLE MONTHS

( I also have screen recordings of all these messages to prove they are real)

These first messages start from me posting a selfie on my Instagram story. It wasn’t anything provocative, it was just a picture of me face.

Awww

Ben calls me “fun” after saying no worries to his gross remarks. And after telling me he gets the vibe I like the attention from him because I am a fan of his band.

And quote

“I just wish I was twenty years younger and had a shot for real”

I never sent him any suggestive text messages, I would respond after he would make comments like these but only because I didn’t know what to do or say. I feel disgusted with myself to even know I read these messages and didn’t see anything wrong with them, I just thought he had a twisted sense of humor or something.

These next messages are from a merch exchange

I wanted to collect all the KOLS merch I could get, considering I was a huge fan.

He said that he wanted to send me some of his old merch from back in the day, so I said I would sent him something back, something from my band in exchange specifically.

This screenshot is what makes me feel the worst. These texts were following Ben telling me how one of his past students was accusing him of grooming, and how he was “innocent”.

   I don’t think anyone with the right intentions would be going out of their way to reiterate that their intentions are NOT to groom you.

He tells me himself he is not a groomer and that I could spot one from miles away.

Ben would text me and call me asking me to share interactions we would have to prove he was not a groomer or predator.  After months of confusion, hurting, pain, and silence I realize how manipulative he really was.

On march 13th, me and my band went to his house. We flew from Las Vegas to Portland. The plan was for him to record our album at his house, while also staying there.

There were many problems with recording. The sound wouldn’t be the way he wanted, we recorded for hours and hours and didn’t get a single song done. He would get upset with us for playing OUR songs wrong, when we paid him to just record live versions of them that we wanted to sound raw. We didn’t leave the house much at all. We would stay up all night and wake up early in the morning.

 Some of us even got sick, my drummer even injured in the hand  and he still pushed us to record and get it perfectly done.

We had to cut our stay short, due to an ordeal that happened whilst a full day of recording. He kept telling my drummer to hit the center of the drums, over and over again in our in ear monitors. He stopped us and said he was done recording us, came out into the living room where we were recording, and begun to yell us all, especially targeting my drummer for not following his directions. All while she was drumming with a splint, and a broken pinky. He was yelling very loud at us all, telling us we were in his house and we were disrespecting him. I was very shaken up, we all were. It’s like a flip switched in him and at that moment we felt very unsafe. We packed up  all our stuff and decided to leave his house. We waited in the streets of this neighborhood in a city we’ve never been to, in the cold, with nowhere to go. I was crushed and confused as to why he would crash out on us so hard.

But not only did we walk away with no recordings, after paying him so much money and still not getting it back to this day.

The whole time we stayed in his house he made multiple comments to me and my bandmates that were very sexual and made us uncomfortable, similar to the texts he would send me. At times I felt unsafe, I think my bandmates felt the same way, even pledging to each other they wouldn’t leave one another alone in a room with him.

I will no longer be silent. Everything he has said and put me through has taken a toll on me mentally. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night, thinking about how naive I was. How stupid I was. I blame myself for what happened every day. I can’t even go on social media without seeing my mutuals or people online praise him and his work. He is a narcissist, a predator, and a groomer. The fact that I’m not the first person he’s done this to scares me. I wouldn’t want any person to go through what I did. For months I felt as though I should shield him, protect his image. I am ashamed that this happened to me, but I can not protect him any longer.  This has made a strong impact on my life as a person, and as an artist. I am scared to see him at any future shows I have, I am scared to meet people connected to him, I am absolutely terrified posting this.

It has been getting worse over time, especially getting closer to Best Friends Forever fest.

I am scared to be at the same festival as my groomer. I am even more terrified at the thought of young impressionable fans going up to him as I once did without knowing how he really is.

 I hope in sharing my story, no one else falls  victim to Ben Barnett’s actions. Possibly encouraging others to speak out about their stories as well.