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PPC HQ Hunger Games: Season 4

Qualifiers

From a hidden holo-deck, high in the mountains of New Caledonia… the PPC's ONLY TV station broadcast live to your console… this… is NTV.

Hello and welcome to the fourth annual-

Occasional.

-PPC HQ Hunger Games! Where the odds of entertainment are ever-

Don't finish that sentence if you value your life.

-aaaanyway. As before, we will be simulating the bloodthirsty massacre of the Hunger Games right here in New Caledonia. Our brave contestants will enter a brand new holographic arena, which, let me tell you-

-we're not going to say anything about just yet.

Thank you, Notte, that is absolutely true. Because the number of volunteers this season has been so overwhelming, we've decided to introduce a new stage: the qualifiers! 36 tributes will enter the arena; 24 will survive to go on to the main event.

For the qualifiers, we will be reusing the program from last season's arena - or should I say, we DID reuse it. Yes, the battles have been fought and won, and we're here to show you how it went down.

Qualifier 1

Last season, it seemed that most of our tributes had read the books - they fled the cornucopia, rather than trying their luck at the supplies. Not this time! This was the bloodiest bloodbath we've ever seen!

Seriously, when Agent Tomash blew Navare, Harris, and Hip up, the blood went everywhere.

Be fair, Michael's TNT attack on Sarah contributed as well. One death that didn't add to the blood was Captain Dandy's - the Flower tried to get a head start by killing Androia Avatar, but Richard was right there. Does he have problems with authority? Did he expect Androia to be grateful for the rescue? Who knows!

He does. And we're going to be asking him for an interview shortly.

That's… entirely beside the point.

The deaths continued: a duel between Charlotte Webb and Dafydd Illian sent the elf home with a spear through his stomach, Barid's quest for supplies ended with him dead at Hop's hands, and Constance Sims proved herself a dab hand with a bow, ending Alleb's hopes early.

Yes, she was a real beast.

Shh, spoilers. But what a bloodbath! Eight dead in the first minutes of the qualifier! And there was more to come.

For the qualifiers, we've sped up the day/night cycle rather a lot. The first 'day' saw plenty of combat - Tacitus and Levy, reigning champion Lola McCandless and Rachel Calender, Makes-Things and Nurse Mirrad - but nothing conclusive. In fact, the only death was Agent Morgan, who inexplicably committed suicide! Did she really want to be in the games at all? We'll find out in her interview.

Now, my colleague has said day one only had one death; that's not entirely true. With only three deaths to go, we decided to… mix things up a little. By which we mean, we pumped hallucinogenic gas into the arena.

Ix and Richard - the same Richard who took down the head of the Weeds in the Bloodbath - got it bad: they dove headfirst into a pit of rocks. Apparently they thought they were going to Wonderland, though how that's a desirable outcome, I don't know.

Moments later, the cannon sounded for the twelfth and final death: Constance Sims, another bloodbath killer, had been speared, just like her husband. Apparently, Michael thought she was a bear.

Hence the 'beast' thing earlier-

I think they got it.

Just making sure.

Qualifier 2

But that's only half the story. If we'd only had 36 tributes, we would've just run a 36-tribute Games. Before we get to the main event, we have the second qualifiers.

We shouldn't have let this set of tributes watch the first qualifier. The bloodbath? Such a disappointment.

True enough. We only had one death at the cornucopia - Rayner, who tried to grab a sword away from Gerry and ended up getting it through the neck. Then the tributes were off, scattering to the four winds.

At least there was suitable violence during the day. The teams hunting for prey didn't have much luck, but in the one-on-one fights, our PPCers proved themselves again.

Was Apollo's kill on Gerry revenge for Rayner's death? What did Doctor Peep do to Gabrielle? Did Zee somehow offend William Grey? And dear Legal, is the Tiger Lily like this at work? The footage of her stabbing poor Laura Dukes, over and over, is just chilling.

Here's the link to where you can watch it in full.

Notte! We agreed we weren't going to release that!

You agreed. I didn't.

Well, it's done now. So night fell, and it was absurdly peaceful; the only 'fighting' was when Nikki Cherryflower destroyed Colt's supplies - an attack of opportunity, nothing more. We were faced with the spectre of a qualifier that ran longer than the actual Games!

That didn't happen.

No, it didn't. We don't know what former-Agent July came down with - only that it was lethal - but her death was the start of a truly murderous day. The four-way fight between Nickul, the Notary, the Aviator, and Jesse left the Aviator and Jesse dead on the ground; Peregrin's skillfully-placed explosives took out Corolla, the weakened Colt (remember his lack of food!), and our holographic Jay Thorntree.

And then there was the Tiger Lily.

Oh, yes… frankly, I'm glad she blew herself up. Can you imagine the destruction she could've wreaked with a working set of land mines?

And her death brought us to twelve, and the end of the qualifier. 72 members of the PPC had gone in; 48 will be moving on to the Hunger Games themselves. Here's our contestants, sorted into their Districts.

The districts, you may have noticed, are named completely randomly. This is intentional; it stops people getting all nationalist about things.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Tomash

Peregrin

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney

48 worthy contestants. One Hunger Games. Who will win? That's up to them - whichever of them are the most ruthless, the most cunning, the most stealthy, or the most lucky.

Join us after the break, when we'll begin the exhausting task of interviewing as many of the 48 tributes - and the 24 failed qualifiers - to hear their thoughts on this exciting Hunger Games.

Until then, remember: this has been Nutmeg TV, and this… is the Hunger Games.


Does the struggle of the Arena get you down? Does the horror of watching your friends mowed down by your other friends have you screaming at night? Would you give anything just to be able to forget it all?

We're here for you. Fresh from the mini-Aragogs of HFA, the one, the only, the original: Bleeprin.

Go ahead. Quaff a kind nepenthe. Because you're good at what you do, and you deserve the best in quality amnesia.


Interviews (Qualifiers)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "No comment. Do I have time to read?"

Kaitlyn: "That was fun! I mean, okay, I didn't get to do much, and someone stole all my stuff, but I'm super psyched for the proper Games! I'm gonna try and find someone friendly to team up with, it worked really well last time..."

Steve Dimond: "I'm honestly not that sure why I'm here. But my sisters demanded I sign up, and, well... So next time I'm going to try and get a weapon again, it's, y'know, a good idea...? Don't know after that."

Agent Luxury gave an interview, but the broadcasters refuse to show it.

District Eagle Hawk

Apollo: "First of all to clarify, I didn't really know Gerry had killed Rayner when I killed her, so no, no real revenge was in play there, in fact I hadn't meant to kill her at all, the branch I was using as a weapon was a tad heavier than I thought it was, that's all. Still glad to have got through the qualifiers and glad to see Kelly on my team too.

"Any plans? No, not really. Ideally I'd grab a bow and try and camp a spot I can defend, but after those roving squirrels from last season I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Kelly: "Woo, I got through, and I even got a ranged weapon, not that I needed it, by I got one. I was kinda surprised to actually ally up with different people, and it'd be nice to ally up with them again in the real thing, although it'd also be nice to see Apollo as well, we didn't see each other besides at the start 'cos we ran different ways completely.

"Plans? Not really, hope to get a ranged weapon, one of the bonuses to being a daughter of Apollo you see, hope I don't have to heal anyone and if I'm really desperate I can always try and curse them to speak only in rhyming couplets, it doesn't have much use killing Sue's but I remember that one time our cabin used it on the Ares cabin..."

Selene: "Oh. Dafydd's already out? ... okay. I guess I'll see if that hydra wants to team up again."

Kyaris: "Wow. I mean, wow. Why've I never heard about this before? Great stuff. Hope I do well."

District Neshomeh

Derik: "Well, here I am again. After the last time I swore I'd never do it again, but Gall wouldn't let up until I'd agreed to join with her. *sigh* I admit her plan of laying low for the qualifiers went well. ... The scream was nothing. Just a dream."

Gall: "Oh yeah, I'm back! Don't be fooled by what you saw here. I wasn't gonna waste my energy in a stupid qualifier, so me and Derik just stuck together and let everyone else fight it out. I even gave my partner those dumb supplies to help out what's-her-face. I didn't need them, and maybe it will make her underestimate us in the real arena. *grin* Watch out, people. Gall is coming for you!"

Mirrad: "In Minbari culture, the highest honor is to serve. I was pleased to share with the others in the beginning, and also to assist Makes-Things in testing the simulation as we'd agreed. Of course, I never understood "assisting" to go so far as to mean throwing the qualifier. *smiles serenely*

"I found the experience of the hallucinogen quite enlightening. I saw what appeared to be a road of silver light with lovely rainbow dancers beckoning me to follow. It was a river, and if I had gone with them I would have drowned, but it was beautiful. The mind is fascinating in its ability to attempt to make sense out of nonsense.

"I look forward to honing my skills in the main event."

Elms: "Okay, note to self, the Cornucopia is bad. Even if the knives are really shiny and right there, do not go for them. You could get caught in a fireball and die before the Games even start. That was way too close. Fortunately, Zeb was nice enough to help me out with the burns. I hope he did okay afterward, I like the little guy. Not that I won't kick his butt in the arena if I have to, but hey, nothing personal.

"The gas was just mean. Seriously, though, if you can't tell a can-can line of hobgoblins in tutus is a drug hallucination, you haven't lived enough yet."

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "I decided beforehand that, since this was just the qualifier, I wasn't gonna make too much trouble. Don't fight; just survive. That's why skipped the Cornucopia in favor of just hunting, and why I made that agreement with Kelly to alternate our sleeping cycles. Getting sent clean water was a nice bonus. Pretty sure I know who that was from, even though the sponsors are always "unknown." She winks at the camera.Thanks, babe."

James: "That went all right, I suppose. Managed to pick up a bit of disinfectant from the Cornucopia before all the explosions went off. Then, I pretty just spent the rest of the match trying to be a might proactive. Hunting for other folks and that. Never found any one, but I did survive. Let's hope the real thing goes as smooth as this one did."

Rachel: "I was super excited to get picked for the Games this time! I watched all of the footage of the last Games to get an idea of what was going on—plus, you know, to get psyched! It's always important to get positive before taking something like this on.

"I got a bunch of useful gear from the Cornucopia and was feeling really good and then WHOA, I got attacked! And by the defending champion too! Not gonna lie, but I was kinda scared right then. I mean, she's a trained soldier and I'm definitely not. But I escaped! I was dodging around trees and rocks, and even ran through a stream at one point! That was pretty awesome.

"Then I started hallucinating! There were all these weird pinkish-green bugs with human faces flying at me, and some of them were dancing! I think it might have been the Charleston. And then—hey, where are you going? Is the interview over?"

Holographic Acacia Byrd is a hologram and unavailable for comment.

District Scapegrace

Gabrielle: "... I blew up my therapist. Um. With, um. With a landmine. I, uh, I think that's gonna come up in our next session."

The Notary was indisposed, looking for somebody to kill.

Field Commander Lola McCandless: "Well, the champ is back in town, and frankly I'm not sure it was a good idea. I mean, learning everyone's capabilities is always a good idea, but I'm worried about how much insane bloodlust will come into play given that this is only a holodeck simulation and everyone knows it. I've been trying to fight how I normally would, but that just means ambush tactics - and since I don't know the surroundings well, I managed to balls it up completely when that woman blundered into my trap."

Alice: *telepathic horse noises*

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "I was lucky this Ajax dude spared me, or I would've been out already. Stealth and survival, that's the way I lasted so long last time. In fact, back then I lost when I abandoned that tactic.

"Corolla didn't get through, sadly, but Nikki and that Keiko girl did. Corolla's fond of her for some reason.

"And of all people, we got assigned Makes-Things as a teammate. Fun.

"Well, I hope I can live up with my Top 8 finish of last time."

Nikki: "I think I've been playing better this time - though I admit doing worse would be pretty hard.

"It's a shame for Corolla, she was really eager to play in this again.

"That Keiko girl is pretty nice - though she feels oddly familiar. I'm pretty sure I've heard her callig Corolla "Auntie" - I wonder why is that?"

Keiko: "Well, if you're wondering what a girl from the future is doing playing here, I'll answer with two things: a botched portal and Auntie Corolla.

"I can't believe I'm playing with my parents here - and also that Auntie took all of ten seconds to guess who I really am.

"So far, I'm doing pretty good - as long as I can stay near water to take advantage of my water magic, I should be fine.

"... Auntie, you should better get on work on a way to get me home, I don't want to accidentally cause time paradoxes.

"... Wait, you'll be airing this?"

Makes-Things: "Look, I'm not here because I want to play. I'm just making sure the holodeck's working safely. And yes, that includes attacking Nurse Mirrad - how else am I going to test it properly?"

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima - "Grab explosives? Check. Fresh water? Check. Tripping balls to the finish line? Double check. Bring on the games."

Marina: "I made sure Richard didn't sign anything while he was conscious, and none of us drinks enough alcohol to think it could have been a 'good idea'. Well, I guess I'll profit of the impromptu training session for now. Then I'll go to meet the staff who handled the inscriptions, and see if our little prankster let any lead behind…"

Tacitus: It appears my inept colleague died due to a booby trap. He doesn't deserve to wear the sage frond— not after failing to do a spot check and practically walking into a grenade.

I'm a little rusty combat-wise but I still have a little going for me: I chased after this girl and gave her a thrashing. She escaped, but I think that I've managed to scrape a little bit more experience from that battle. Just a little bit more now...

I'm looking forward to the main event. This qualifier was a nice little warm-up; let's see what my team can do. I look forward to stabbing them in the back once they've outlived their usefulness.

District Ixleb

Charlotte: "Well, I'm sorry to see my partner go. So much for a possible team-up like Peeta and Katniss." *coughs* "Um, but in the platonically beneficial way, of course. I'm going to win this one for her."

Zeb: "I'm just trying to keep it on the down-low this time, especially since my plan of meeting up with my partner to team up are kind of shot now."

District Comet Junkie

Nickul: "Holy crap I killed the Aviator."

Ajax: "And Jesse."

Nickul: "Yes, but I killed a DMS legend."

Levy: "and a Cowboy."

Nickul: "I don't think you understand, I killed The Aviator."

Ajax: "We know."

Levy: "We're just mad you didn't get her autograph."

District Grey Tomatoes

Androia: "Yes, we are in again. I still have to prove that I can survive more than one day. After all, I am supposed to be the fighter in this team, and the person who knows how to heal herself. And Hieronymus needs the exercise. He says that running in circles and lifting weights are senseless actions, so adding an adventurous aspect may help. The man just does not move enough. I watched that in our last mission. What? Yes, nearly being strangled by a weed was not a good start. Thank you, Richard, for breaking his stalk."

Hieronymus: "Gah, fighting holographic squirrels and agents wielding holographic weapons is senseless, too. Where’s the adventure when there are no consequences? I only concurred to get out of our arr zee. I’m going to find a quiet place where Androia can’t talk my ear off, and just sit the games out. If it doesn’t work, I’ll be out and she’ll still be in, and that’s just as well. Why I didn’t try to sit out the Qualifier? Well, I guess no Agent can say "no" to Jay Thorntree. I’ve no idea what she wanted with the Librarian, though, and they abandoned me before I found out why she’d said she needed a shovel."

Tomash: "At first, I wasn't too thrilled at getting dragged into this thing, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. That was a pretty lucky grenade toss at the beginning. I was just trying to distract people so I could grab some food and run for it. Falling into the water while trying to fish wasn't fun, but I get the feeling that will end up on a 'funniest moments' compilation.

"My plans for the main event are to join a group and hope I can last a few days before the inevitable betrayal. Maybe I'll get to know some new people."

Peregrin: "There were a few moments during the night where I wasn't sure if joining these Games had been a good decision. I'd like to think I did reasonably well overall, though. If nothing else, the second day's events will certainly serve as a clear example of why the initialization elements of packaged explosives should not be used as ropes while attached to the package. I must find more of that material after the event. It might be useful for assassinations at a distance if arranged carefully ..."

Peregrin was lost in thought for a moment.

"On, right, the Games. I'd like to thank Mr. Gray, the, ah, Pilot, I think, and ..., er, everyone else for their help with gathering supplies, as well as my sponsor, whoever they were. My plans for the main event are to get a ranged weapon I know how to use and hide. I am also considering going away from the Cornucopia initially, since it seems to attract a large battle, and returning later. That would be less risky, but could be significantly less rewarding. It's an interesting tradeoff, you know. A good friend of mine worked on a more general version of that problem several years ago, but didn't make much progress..."

Thank you for your time.

District Silver Cipher

Will: "Fine an' dandy. I could get used to smackin' folks on the head."

VJ: "Giving me a bow and arrows is like spilling water on a Gremlin! There's no way I lose now!"

Hop: "Hey, I'm still in! That's wicked, though I wish Hip was still with me. Hope you'll cheer for me, sweetie!"

Falchion: "I have no idea why I picked up a bottle of alcohol. I don't even DRINK! Sleeping through the first day is totally a me thing, though."

District Desdenskar

Amris: "Booooring."

Des: "No news is good news."

The Librarian: *something grumbled under breath; the microphone didn't catch anything*

Whitney: "A telepathic horse. I went. On a tribute hunt. With a telepathic. HORSE. I just... What."

Disqualified (Round 1)

Barid - "Well dat didn't last long. I don't know what dat girl was tinkin', but none'a my stuff was gonna help her. It was all potion makin' plants."

Captain Dandy: Once I heard the Tiger Lily was participating again, I had to take part - for the honour of the Department, you know? But I suppose it wasn't to be. I think the lesson to take away from this is a positive one - our agents will defend each other even against authority figures! I... think that's a good thing.

Constance: "I TOLD Dafydd this was a bad idea... I'm quite offended by being taken for a bear, of all things. Is that a comment on my hair? Agent Michael had better hope he stays in the arena a long time, that's all I'm saying..."

Dafydd: "Well, that was... disappointing. Do you know, I think I was the first person to actually die in the entire tournament? Oh, well, there's always next year."

Harris: "WHAT? CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION AGAIN, PLEASE? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS RINGING!

"...HOW I FEEL ABOUT PIEROGIS? WELL, IT'S LIKE A DUMPLING, BUT EUROPEAN. WAIT, DID YOU SAY 'PERFORMANCE'? OH, SORRY! IS IT JUST ME OR IS THE RINGING GETTING LOUDER? CAN SOMEONE TURN IT OFF, PLEASE?

"ANYWAY, IT WAS KINDA EMBARRASSING TO DIE LIKE THAT. CONGRATULATIONS TO THE TRAP-SETTER, THOUGH— NICELY PLAYED.

"ALSO, CAN I GET AN EAR DOCTOR OR SOMETHING? I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE TINNITUS."

He walks away from the camera, sticking a pinky finger into his left ear.

"MAWP. MAWP!"

Hip: "So... That happened. First time in the Games and I'm already out. Then again, nothing I could do, I mean that explosion was just INSANE! Well, hopefully others will get far. If I have to pick, I'd say VJ is going to get the furthest, if not win."

Ix: *shrugs* "Not like I was going to make it long with my bad leg and no magic. I'll be cheering for Charlotte from the sidelines, though!"

Morgan: "Okay, so what happened is this: I figured my gun-loving self wasn't much use in a forest, so I tried to 'kill' myself and holo-regenerate into someone good with, say, a sword - well, there's a first time for everything, right? But, uh... apparently holograms don't regenerate. I'll remember that next time."

Navare: "This is disappointing. I guess I should train more for the next time."

Richard: "Alright. First of all, I certainly didn't sign any papers or anything which could have led to that. My partner was pretty clear about the consequences after the last time. I hope the person who pulled this off can hide really well for their own good.

"As for the qualifs... I cannot believe I ended up killing Captain Dandy! That's one of the few Flowers I think who deserves respect here! And this hallucinogen... Are they stealing idea from Capitol engineers, or what?"

Sarah: "ARRRRGH! I'M SO SALTY RIGHT NOW! That's what the term is, right? Salt? Anyway... I CALL HAX! I was looking forward to a path of glory and coolness and awesomeness and then SOME MEANIE DROPS A BOX OF TNT INTO MY SHIRT RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE?! GRRRR, OF ALL THE INDIGNITIES I JUST - RAAAAAAGH!! If you'll excuse me, I'm going to the Danger Room.I NEED TO BREAK SOMETHING!!!"

Disqualified (Round 2)

The Aviator: "Yeesh, you sign up for one Hunger Games to make your partner happy, and suddenly if you don't want to do another people get all weird about it. I'm glad I got out early. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find someone..."

Corolla: "Awww, I'm out already. I hope Sergio, Nikki and Keiko will do their best though! By the way, I really have to start working on a way to bring that girl home though. I can't believe she messed up a portal's coordinates so badly...

"Oh, and Peregrin? That explosive satchel was bigger than I am. Overkill much?"

Laura: "God. D****t. Eliminated already! Ugh. Well, at least I went out in a pretty hardcore way. Getting stabbed multiple times by a psychic Flower armed with sais? Better than falling in a hole LIKE LAST TIME."

Doctor Peep, FicPsych: [slightly dazed] "Home in a bin bag, I'm going home in a biiiiiin bag... eeble…"

Rayner: "At least I won't have to endure the rest of the carnage. 'Nuff said."

The Tiger Lily: Hmph. Whose idea was this, anyway?


Qualifier Transcripts


Qualifier 1

As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.

Charlotte spears Dafydd in the abdomen.

Rachel Calendar finds a backpack full of camping equipment.

Tacitus finds a canteen full of water.

Ajax runs away from the Cornucopia.

Steve Dimond retrieves a trident from inside the cornucopia.

Captain Dandy attacks Androia, but Richard protects her, killing Captain Dandy.

Michael sets an explosive off, killing Sarah.

Canon Librarian grabs a backpack, not realizing it is empty.

Levy grabs a shovel.

Hop kills Barid for his supplies.

Elms takes a handful of throwing knives.

Lola runs away from the Cornucopia.

Tomash sets an explosive off, killing Navare, Harris, and Hip.

Constance shoots an arrow into Alleb's head.

Decima finds a bag full of explosives.

Morgan runs away from the Cornucopia.

Zeb grabs a shovel.

Kaitlyn runs away from the Cornucopia.

James Pittman snatches a bottle of alcohol and a rag.

Mirrad, Desdendelle, Ix, and Makes-Things share everything they gathered before running.

VJ finds a bow, some arrows, and a quiver.

Ecks gathers as much food as he can.

Sergio grabs a backpack and retreats.

Acacia gathers as much food as she can.


Bloodbath casualties:


Day 1

Charlotte collects fruit from a tree.

Richard, Acacia, James Pittman, Desdendelle, and Hop hunt for other tributes.

Ecks, Steve Dimond, Constance, and Canon Librarian raid Kaitlyn's camp while she is hunting.

Zeb tends to Elms's wounds.

VJ explores the arena.

Tacitus attacks Levy, but she manages to escape.

Lola attacks Rachel Calendar, but she manages to escape.

Morgan cannot handle the circumstances and commits suicide.

Decima receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Androia receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Ix searches for firewood.

Makes-Things attacks Mirrad, but he manages to escape.

Michael receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor.

Tomash tries to spear fish with a trident.

Ajax defeats Sergio in a fight, but spares his life.


Day 1 casualties:


Arena Event

The remaining tributes begin to hallucinate.

Rachel Calendar survives.

Tomash survives.

Acacia survives.

Ix and Richard decide to jump down the rabbit hole to Wonderland, which turns out to be a pit of rocks.

Androia survives.

Ajax survives.

Ecks survives.

Levy survives.

Kaitlyn survives.

VJ survives.

Steve Dimond survives.

Michael mistakes Constance for a bear and kills her.


Arena Event casualties:


Qualifier 2

As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.

Corolla finds a canteen full of water.

Nickul clutches a first aid kit and runs away.

Gerry kills Rayner with his own weapon.

Nikki, The Aviator, William Grey, and Peregrin share everything they gathered before running.

Whitney runs away from the Cornucopia.

The Notary runs away from the Cornucopia.

Library finds a backpack full of camping equipment.

July, Doctor Peep, and Jay work together to get as many supplies as possible.

Laura Dukes grabs a shovel.

Hieronymus grabs a shovel.

Falchion snatches a bottle of alcohol and a rag.

Zee runs away from the Cornucopia.

Marina runs away from the Cornucopia.

The Tiger Lily runs away from the Cornucopia.

Jesse grabs a backpack and retreats.

Luxury runs away from the Cornucopia.

Gabrielle finds a canteen full of water.

Alice runs away from the Cornucopia.

Mia, Amris, The Librarian, and Kelly share everything they gathered before running.

Kyaris takes a spear from inside the cornucopia.

Keiko finds a canteen full of water.

Selene runs away from the Cornucopia.

Colt runs away from the Cornucopia.

Gall grabs a shield leaning on the cornucopia.

Derik runs away from the Cornucopia.

Gremlin runs away from the Cornucopia.

Apollo clutches a first aid kit and runs away.


Bloodbath casualties:


Day 1

Jay, The Librarian, and Hieronymus hunt for other tributes.

Peregrin receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Kyaris and Selene hunt for other tributes.

Kelly discovers a river.

Amris runs away from The Notary.

Corolla receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

The Aviator tries to sleep through the entire day.

Gabrielle sets an explosive off, killing Doctor Peep.

William Grey bashes Zee's head in with a mace.

Gall receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

The Tiger Lily repeatedly stabs Laura Dukes to death with sais.

Library receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

Keiko searches for a water source.

Apollo severely injures Gerry, but puts her out of her misery.

Nikki practices her archery.

Falchion tries to sleep through the entire day.

Gremlin goes hunting.

Derik tends to Marina's wounds.

Jesse sprains his ankle while running away from Mia.

Colt, July, Alice, and Whitney hunt for other tributes.

Nickul searches for firewood.

Luxury discovers a river.


Day 1 casualties:


Night 1

The Tiger Lily, Mia, Apollo, and Gabrielle sleep in shifts.

Gremlin and Kelly sleep in shifts.

Luxury looks at the night sky.

Alice looks at the night sky.

Gall thinks about home.

Nikki destroys Colt's supplies while he is asleep.

William Grey tends to The Aviator's wounds.

Peregrin questions his sanity.

Selene, Library, and Corolla cheerfully sing songs together.

Jesse cries himself to sleep.

Jay receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor.

Marina receives an explosive from an unknown sponsor.

The Notary climbs a tree to rest.

Keiko sets up camp for the night.

Hieronymus receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Derik screams for help.

Whitney tends to Nickul's wounds.

Amris attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.

July, Kyaris, Falchion, and The Librarian sleep in shifts.


Day 2

July dies from an infection.

Gremlin receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Alice is pricked by thorns while picking berries.

Keiko makes a wooden spear.

Nickul and The Notary fight The Aviator and Jesse. Nickul and The Notary survive.

Kelly makes a slingshot.

Luxury receives an explosive from an unknown sponsor.

Peregrin sets an explosive off, killing Corolla, Colt, and Jay.

Hieronymus receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

Kyaris receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor.

The Tiger Lily accidently detonates a land mine while trying to arm it.


Day 2 casualties:


PPCHG4Logo.png

Bloodbath

Hello! And welcome back to the PPC HQ Hunger Games, where enthusiasm… is catching!

You said you weren't going to do the silly misquotes any more.

I lied. As we speak, our tributes are flooding out across the holographic arena, seeking shelter, supplies, or perhaps subjects for their violent aspirations.

I thought you were going with 'targets'.

Yes, but then I noticed the alliteration, and I just couldn't stop.

You should have.

We say 'the tributes'... but not all of them. Three of the hopeful contestants never left the Cornucopia - or should I say, the Cafeteria!

Yes, you can see the surprise and shock in their faces when you watch them portal in to… the HQ cafeteria! Was that disorientation the reason so many of them ran away? Or was that always the plan - to flee from the expected massacre.

Those who stayed got their pick of the supplies we laid on. Our reigning champion, Lola McCandless, landed herself a nice flamethrower. Falchion grabbed a sword in his talons, though what a Sword Bird needs with one we're not really sure.

Nor do we know why Marina thought the most valuable find was a bottle of glitter - or, for that matter, why Ajax's rollerblades were such a great find that Michael and Keiko both went after him!

At least Levy got good use out of her lethal-looking banana, driving off Peregrin's intended attack. Elsewhere, Whitney and Charlotte's fight over that gorgeous energy bow somehow didn't end in a fatality!

Though there were plenty of those to go around. The Librarian's torching of Selene - Kaitlyn and Androia's masterful teamup on Ecks - and of course whatever happened to Alice the horse.

We've gone over the footage, and we can't figure out who brought her down, though we do know that Hieronymus was the one to finish her off. We're sending in drones to interview the tributes now - maybe one of them can shed some light.

It wasn't all violence, of course - there was also forward planning to be done. The teamups of Rachel, Decima, Will, and Steve, and Tomash, Luxury, Nickul, and Derik, look a little tenuous, but they got them out of the Cafeteria, and that's what counts!

Unless your name happens to be Tacitus, Amris, or Sergio, in which case what counts is a nice conversation.

Yeah, that was weird. Okay! That's all we spotted on the tapes. Remember: all of this is holographic, however realistic the simulation of HQ may be. We'll be back after the break with brief interviews from the tributes-

Or those we can talk to without giving their positions away.

Until then, remember: this has been Nutmeg TV, and this… is the Hunger Games.


You may think that borrowing books is somehow 'good'. That a library exist to 'serve' you. That I 'want' you to come and visit me.

You're mistaken. But, unfortunately, the Flowers insist I let you read my books occasionally.

So when you really can't find any other way to get hold of one, I suppose you can come to the Canon Library. Just don't touch anything while you're here.


Interviews (Bloodbath)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "Trying to find my library. Leave me alone."

Kaitlyn: "Well. I quite like this Androia woman. I'm not sure if she knows Agent Ecks was one of the ones who stole my stuff in the qualifiers? But she was a great help. Now, who else was in that footage...?"

Steve: "Right. So my 'team' is a bubbly girl who sort of reminds me of Constance back in the day - not sure that's a good thing - a Potterverse witch with a kind of scary attitude, and a violent... warlock?... of some description. Uh... better have them on my side than hunting me, I guess?"

Luxury's reaction to the drone is not viewable by agents under the age of 100.

District Eagle Hawk

Selene: "... I don't think I like Time Lords any more."

Kyaris: "How did I run out of there so fast? Have you seen this body? I've got speed you wouldn't believe."

District Neshomeh

Gall, Mirrad, and Elms have vanished into HQ and are unavailable for comment.

Derik: "For the love of little green apples... No, Luxury, that is not what "Hunger Games" means."

District PoorCynic

Rachel: "Always have someone to watch your back! It's good idea when you're doing agent stuff and still a good idea when you're doing mock battles to the death! Plus, apparently two of the people I'm with have magic powers. Awesome! I'm not sure how long all this will last, but everything's looking pretty good for the moment."

James: James is hiding in a small, dark room. Judging from his muttering, he is currently working out a plan for his current situation. He scowls upon noticing the interview drone, and waves at it to leave.

"Get lost, you!"

Gremlin: The drone footage of Gremlin is almost solid static, for some reason.

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "I don't know why exactly I stopped to chat with these two - I think they were actually both trying to asses how much of a threat I was, so I went for my best "rusty retired dude" impression. Amris tunred out to be just as creepy as Corolla told me, while I finally managed to meet that Tacitus dude, who kept nagging me about how this 'Madam' woman was interested in me and wishing me good luck. Sorry, not falling for those nets of favours."

Nikki: "We're in HQ this time? The confusion kinda reminds me of the Blackout. Of course, I ran away. It would've really been embarassing if I got myself killed faster than the other time..."

Keiko: "It's a shame that guy managed to get the rollerblades - while I prefer skateboards, Mom taught me how to use them so they would've been a good way to move around faster. I tried to chase him, but I don't know what I would've done if I did - that dude had defeated Dad in the qualifiers, so taking him out would've helped us both, but at the same time he had spared Dad after defeating him so it wouldn't have been very nice..."

Makes-Things: "Obviously I ran away. Making observations doesn't require me to be heavily armed, does it? I did get to see Agent Ajax's rollerblades in action - are we positive those are holographic? Excellent work if they are. Hmm... I wonder if my lab is functional in the simulation?"

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "So they decided the arena would be HQ... I cannot tell if they're sarcastic or if it's the perfect Hunger Games arena.

"It also seems the Cafeteria is so horrible people flee merely after seeing that. Well, I only got a bottle of glitter, but after being taken out the first time by poisoning, I'm sure I can find some use for that stuff…"

Tacitus: It is immediately clear that Amris is a massive threat to the entire competition. Its enthusiasm for battle is only matched by his gruesome and twisted imagination-- it needs to be put down as fast as possible if any of us are to survive. I only hope Dark's immunity to Psychic holds in this case.

District Ixleb

Charlotte: "I know, I know, I could probably win this whole thing easily if I was my normal self, but being physically immune to almost every type of damage and being able to run two hundred miles an hour is just a teensie bit unfair in these games. So, bow it was, even though I really would've preferred to get an axe or something." *humphs*

Zeb: "Well, so far, it looks like staying out of trouble is working just fine for me. Hope I can keep it up for a few more days."

District Comet Junkie

Levy: "Apparently using a banana as a hilt for an ice dagger counts as "Weaponised" and not "Utilising their abilities to their very best.""

Ajax: "They tried to take my rollerblades. They tried to take my rollerblades. I am actually Hermes. I have wings on my feet. Good luck with that next time."

Nickul: "I swear to Bahamut somebody's gonna die here, and it will probably be Aphrodite over there."

District Grey Tomatoes

Androia: "Socializing is such a nice thing to do: Find a friend, and then go and stab another potential friend together. I’m not quite sure what we stabbed her with. Did Kaitlyn grab a dagger? I may need to be careful around her."

Hieronymus: "Don’t put a horse into the cafeteria; it’s not her natural environment! I guess she stumbled over the chairs and fell into the main aisle that leads to the entrance. Anyway, the poor mare looked like the whole stampede of fleeing agents had run over her. I just couldn’t leave her like that. But – have you ever tried to strangle a horse? In the end we both agreed that she just should consider herself being stabbed with the Sharp Sword of Reason that doesn’t show in holographic pictures."

Tomash (not noticing the camera): "No, Luxury, I'm not interested."

Peregrin: "My thoughts? It appears that contesting the supplies was a reasonable decision. I gathered a few useful items, but I ran away from the more valuable supplies after being threatened with fruit over water. I'm still not entirely clear on how that plant was meant to be deadly, but I did not want to risk a confrontation so early."

District Silver Cipher

Falchion: "...I don't even know how to sword. Help."

District Desdenskar

Amris: "Why, I didn't know that this place had such little bundles of fun as this Zorua."

Desdendelle: "No news is good news, methinks."

The Librarian: "Burn, human, bu— I mean, that is barbarous, I have no idea what possessed me."

Whitney: "Maybe I should find Falchion. He'd be better at using that energy bow than I am - though I honestly don't know if I won it from Charlotte or not. She was a really good fighter! I do hope to meet her again sometime under, erm, friendlier circumstances."


The Bloodbath Transcript

As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.

Library runs away from the Cafeteria.

Makes-Things runs away from the Cafeteria.

Nurse Mirrad runs away from the Cafeteria.

Gremlin runs away from the Cafeteria.

Michael Green and Keiko try to steal Ajax's rollerblades, but he gets away.

The Notary runs away from the Cafeteria.

Desdendelle runs away from the Cafeteria.

Falchion siezes a sword.

Marina grabs a bottle of glitter.

Apollo runs away from the Cafeteria.

Zeb runs away from the Cafeteria.

Levy threatens Peregrin with a weaponised banana.

Gall runs away from the Cafeteria.

VJ runs away from the Cafeteria.

Whitney and Charlotte Webb squabble over an energy bow.

Holo-Acacia runs away from the Cafeteria.

The Librarian sets Selene on fire.

Rachel Calendar, Decima, William Grey, and Steve Dimond form an uneasy alliance.

James Pittman runs away from the Cafeteria.

Nikki Cherryflower runs away from the Cafeteria.

Gabrielle runs away from the Cafeteria.

Amris, Tacitus, and Sergio stop to have a chat.

Kaitlyn and Androia gang up on Ecks and stab him to death.

Nurse Elms runs away from the Cafeteria.

Kelly runs away from the Cafeteria.

Mia runs away from the Cafeteria.

Kyaris runs away from the Cafeteria.

The Canon Librarian runs away from the Cafeteria.

Hop runs away from the Cafeteria.

Lola McCandless gets hold of a flamethrower.

Hieronymus finds Alice the Horse injured on the floor, and finishes her off.

Tomash, Luxury, Nickul, and Derik form an uneasy alliance.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


PPCHG4Logo.png

Day 1

The guns have sounded. Boom… boom… boom. Ten shots. Three of those fell during the Bloodbath - Alice, Selene, Ecks. The other seven… let's take a look.

Huh. That was almost dramatic.

So was this first day in the Arena (see what I did there?). If our tributes expected to breeze through the games just because they were on familiar territory, they were very much out of luck. Agent Gremlin looks to have broken a rib in that fall, and Ajax was forced to resort to acting to fend off an attack - always a terrifying thought.

Seriously, that's the part that terrified you? Not Tomash?

All right, yes: when Tomash tried to turn Keiko's life into a murderous logic puzzle, we were glued to our seats. And then when he killed her after she refused to take part - nasty. Almost as nasty as Gall throttling Kelly from behind.

I would say nastier.

Fine: almost as nasty as Whitney slicing Derik's leg off and then leaving him there?

No, because she used a lightsaber; it cauterised, so he'll be fine.

Except with only one leg.

Yes. So?

Hm. Well, at least he's doing better than Desdendelle, who took Peregrin's Killing Curse right in the face. Or Kaitlyn, who… well, honestly, we're not even sure what Gabrielle did to her, but she's definitely out of the games.

There were non-lethal fights, too: Luxury and James drove Levy and Steve away from their campsite without anyone dying, and our three hunter teams - VJ, Apollo, Makes-Things, and Charlotte on one hand, Hop, Amris, Sergio, and Kyaris on the other, and the magical team of Decima, William, and Nurse Mirrad on the third - didn't find anyone to kill.

How many hands do you have? Oh, who cares? Let's talk about Pokemon! Could there be a more natural team than Zeb and Falchion in this arena? I think the Notary and Rachel Calendar would agree that there can't!

Except they don't agree to anything. Because they're dead. Also, we have more than two Pokemon in there, you know.

Not as many as we did, not after Tacitus', ah, portal blunder.

And speaking of blunders: to whoever is sending in those hatchets. Seriously. This needs to stop. We banned them after Season 2. We've taken hologram!Acacia's away from her; Champion Lola wouldn't let go of hers, which is irritating, but we can't really randomly kill the reigning champion.

I still say we can.

And when you're in charge, you can make that decision. But right now, this is my show, and I say we can't.

Spoilsport.

Hatchets are banned. We don't want to see any more in the arena. Thank you.

Join us after the break for interviews with all our surviving and outgoing tributes. And after that - we'll see you next de-

You weren't going to do that, either.

You are such a miseryguts.


Consider the plight of the agent who falls in the line of duty. That's right - none. They're fine, because they've already gone on to the great bleepka bar in the sky. But what about the ones they leave behind? Trapped in a locked Response Centre, ignored by the rest of the PPC, the poor minis wait patiently for their friends who will never return.

You can help. For as little as $2/AM$0.05/4 latinum strips per week, you can feed and house an abandoned mini, somewhere in HQ. They may not thank you, but we will.

And remember - mind your spelling.


Interviews (Day 1)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "Can't find my books. Where are they?"

Kaitlyn: "Oh come on! Oh, well, if I have to go, at least I went to something cute. ^_^ Wasn't that fiery fox thing the Doktor's partner? I think she was! Cool."

Steve Dimond: "So this Levy girl said it would be a good idea to make a show of force, and storm the camp we found in the Courtyard. Plus, y'know, it was Lux's camp, so it wasn't like she was going to defend it very well? Yeah, I think I might have completely misunderstood Luxury. At least I made it out alive."

Luxury: "Hee! This is fun!"

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "My team: a bouncy time traveller, a sadistic flying robot, and an increasingly nervous retired human who barely seems to remember what a sword is. Oh, and me, your friendly resident diminutive hydra. All in all, I think we've got a solid group here - okay, we didn't find anyone today, but there's always tonight..."

District Neshomeh

Derik: *leaning up against a wall, staring at his stump* "I finally slip away from my "team" only to run into this apparition in sweatpants. I thought I could overpower her, even without a weapon, but... *shakes head* ... Scorch it, woman, you could at least have had the courtesy to finish me off!"

Gall: "Oh yeah, one down, thirty-odd to go!"

Mirrad: "I was hesitant to team up with one of my patients, since it clearly constitutes a conflict of interests, but she insisted that I must help her survive, or else she would become a permanent fixture in my office. *makes a helpless gesture* We did not intend to pick up William, too, but I think he will be a useful ally and perhaps someone that Decima can talk to about magic systems other than her own. It could be good for her."

Elms:

♪ I love to go a-wandering

♪ along the mountain track,

♪ And as I go, I love to sing,

♪ my knapsack on my back.

♪ Val-der-ee! Val-der-ah!

♪ Val-der-ah! Val-der-ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah,

♪ Val-der-ee... ♪

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "Ow… ow… OW F*****G OW! Gah, note to self: if you're going try hiding in an Escher Room, watch where you put your feet. I fell fifteen feet sideways to the floor! Ow… I hope the holographic version of Medical is somewhere around here."

James: "I wasn't sure about making camp with Luxury. Not after all the stuff I've heard about her, anyway. I don't mind me some personal company from time to time, don't get me wrong, but this hardly seems like the best occasion for it.

"But then we got ambushed while setting up the tents. Turns out the lady's got some combat skill. I suppose it shouldn't be that much of a surprise, considering how long she's been an agent for. But still, 'tween the two of us, we sent those folks running!

"I turned down Luxury's offer to celebrate. Like I said, hardly seems like the best occasion for it."

Rachel: "Aw, man. I can't believe I'm out already! I thought that Time Lord and I were gonna come out on top in that fight, but Pokemon are just so fast! And you, the powers and all that too. Maaaaan. Guess I'm just gonna have to watch how this plays out from my RC. Good luck, everyone still in it!"

Holo-Acacia: "I really wanted that hatchet."

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "Why I kept going around with Amris, you say? Exactly because I don't like him. Better keep him where I can see him. And, Kyaris, of course I don't know very well how to use swords. I use guns.

"So, yeah, that Peregrin dude got Des too, so he's on my target list. Just added Tomash on that one, too, I was starting to like that Keiko girl.

"... Wait, what? You're saying that girl coming from the future is my daughter...? Tomash, I'm coming for you."

Nikki: "I think I might've seen that woman who got me out last time? I don't know, and sure I wasn't going for payback since there was this dude who looked like he was beign Sued, so I ran. Getting out on day one again would've been just too embarassing.

"Yes, Keiko got eliminated today. A shame, she looked such like a nice girl... Eeeeh? She's my daughter? Well... I guess day-one eliminations run in the family? Still, I'm going to give that Tomash a beating when I see him. What he did is very nasty."

Keiko: "So... Should've thought about that one better. Sure, I hate people ordering me around, especially if they're complete strangers, but I would've have had to face the two he wanted me to kill anyways so I should've just played along.

"So, on my first PPC HQ Hunger Games I got out on day one and placed... forty-fifth? Heh, that's exactly what Mom did on her first one, too!

"... You told her and Dad that I'm their daughter? Why'd you do that? Now they're both going to go on homicidial rage-

"That was your very intention? I'm... not sure it was a good idea, you know? Though I admit that I'm going to appreciate if they avenge me."

Makes-Things: "The restrictions on players' abilities seem to be holding. I watched Agent Webb closely for any signs of enhanced speed, but she seems closely matched to my control specimen, 'VJ'. Unfortunately I don't seem to have any records of Agent Apollo, but he isn't coming across as significantly above average. Excellent stuff."

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima: "Very important to control the water supply. Absolutely why we've taken over the showers. Yessir. No other reason for that.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go secure a strategic conditioner supply."

Marina: "What? You expected senseless wandering across this crazy mess so I stumble upon someone of something killing me?

"Why the hell should I do that when I can wait for people to shoot in one place? Besides, disguise or not, I'm not testing this holographic system too much. My pay is already low enough."

Tacitus: Well, let's see you try to operate a damaged RA with your bare paws.

District Ixleb

Charlotte: "Another day, another load of nothing. I'm starting to feel hungry. Are my eyes going black yet? Can I eat the holo-contestants? Is that even allowed? Are we done yet?"

Zeb: "Aw man, Falchion is really cool and awesome and he's such a good teammate! I really hope we're able to stay together for the rest of the games. And his feathers are really shiny. Did you notice how shiny his feathers are? Ooh, Aviator, if you're watching: I got the Notary for you! Are you proud of me? Notary, if you're watching: that's for terrorizing my partner at the last Council meeting, you big old meanie!"

District Comet Junkie

Nickul: "Mr. Tomash, I do hope you realize that I'm gonna be coming after you in place of one of my friends. He does not respect individuals killing children."

Matthew (On the phone): "GO GET HIM NICKUL!!!"

Ajax: "Wait, that happened? I mean, I know I look the part but come on!"

Levy: "That Luxuary's manner of defense is... weird."

District Grey Tomatoes

Androia: "Huh, that was scary. A Suvian on rollerblades, and that big-eyed anime girl from the last games, probably seeking revenge. I am so glad I got away. At least it was nice to see that Hieronymus does well."

Hieronymus: "Huh, that was scary. No, Suvians on rollerblades are just ridiculous. I didn't intent to encounter Androia in this game."

Peregrin: "Muggle-Use wands are very useful weapons."

Tomash: "I'm ... not sure why I did that. I'd stumbled into Keiko, Nickul, and Michael, and I thought they were going for me. So I grabbed Keiko to cover my retreat, but that wasn't working, and somehow that whole mess was the first idea I had. Nickul probably hates me now.

"Wait, what? She was Nikki and Sergio's daughter? I'm so, so dead."

District Silver Cipher

Falchion: "Whew, thank heavens I ditched Brave Bird so long ago and learned Rock Slide instead! The Notary was a challenge, obviously, but who knew Rachel was weak to throwing a stone sword without STAB? What a turnaround! Anyway, Zeb and I really should pair up more often. Us Pokemon gotta stick together, after all, and he's an awesome fighter, really. I just hope we won't have to kill each other sometime soon, haha…"

District Desdenskar

Desdendelle: "Guess I gotta get some upgrades. Wasn't fast enough."

Amris: "Who wants to be the next art project? The Zorua, maybe...?"

The Librarian: "I was not actually trying to camouflage myself. I am not even interested in winning. Idiot."

Whitney: "Derik was - no, IS a worthy opponent. It was my fault for going overboard with the Beam Sword or whatever equivalent they have here in this arena, and I apologize to him for it. I just hope that if either of us dies, we do so with dignity."


Day 1 Transcript

Gremlin breaks a rib in a fall.

Ajax scares off Androia, Hieronymus, and Nikki Cherryflower with his impression of a Suvian.

Tomash forces Keiko to kill either Nickul or Michael Green. She refuses to kill, so Tomash kills her instead.

Gall sneaks up on Kelly and strangles her.

Library finds a secret passage, but it leads nowhere.

Whitney cuts off Derik's leg with a lightsaber, but leaves him lying alive in the corridor.

Nurse Elms wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Holo-Acacia receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor. The broadcasters take it away again.

Peregrin hits Desdendelle with an Avada Kedavra.

Luxury and James Pittman defend their camp in the Miss Cam Courtyard from Levy and Steve Dimond.

Gabrielle transforms Kaitlyn into a pile of jelly.

The Canon Librarian wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Mia spends the day following a spurious trail of 'clues'.

VJ, Apollo, Makes-Things, and Charlotte Webb hunt for other tributes.

The Librarian discovers that camoflague doesn't work too well in a uniformly-grey building.

Decima, Nurse Mirrad, and William Grey occupy the showers to control the water source.

Marina wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Hop, Amris, Sergio, and Kyaris hunt for other tributes.

Lola McCandless receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

Zeb and Falchion face off against The Notary and Rachel Calendar. Zeb and Falchion are victorious.

Tacitus accidentally portals himself into a lava pit.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


PPCHG4Logo.png

Night 1/Day 2

Welcome back. When last we met, everyone and their Pokemon had just finished swearing bloody vengeance against Agent Tomash for killing Keiko. Well, Tomash is dead, and you will be glad to know that his killer was…

If you're waiting for a drumroll, you're not getting one.

… Sergio. Yes, the grieving father has slain his daughter's murderer. Justice has been wrought in blood.

Seriously, isn't this a bit dramatic?

You're the one who's been complaining about me being too light-hearted. Anyway: at the same time, our very own holographic Acacia took on the AI Amris, and left it broken on the floor.

A promising start to the night.

It would have been, but it was more like the end. Only one other tribute died in the night, actually - Makes-Things, who got set on fire by Agent Ajax. Everyone else was either resting or talking.

Is that how we're describing Nurse Elms' advances towards Peregrin?

Maybe. But it's certainly the best way to describe the Pythonesque quote sessions going on all across HQ, and the D&D game that broke out in the Really Very Tiny Auditorium.

Not everyone had a good time of things overnight, quite apart from the dying. Both Gremlin and Library were too tired to do anything, and given that Gremlin is recovering from that broken rib, I don't think that bodes well.

Maybe she could talk to Zeb or Marina; they seem to be experts at tending to injuries.

Our reigning champion, meanwhile, seemed to be having trouble sleeping - not a problem that afflicted Decima and the Librarian, who slept right through Charlotte making off with their supplies!

I bet Falchion and VJ would've been glad for a share in those.

They'll just have to hope a sponsor sends them something.

Yes, speaking of which…?

I've checked, and there's nothing in the rulebook that says you can't send a plasma cannon into the arena. Though there… probably should be.

What's the point? We haven't been able to restrict the flow of hatchets.

Yes, viewers, as day dawn- er, started, we discovered the hatchet problem is worse than we'd thought: Agent Levy had gotten hold of one, and used it to kill Agent Gabrielle. The Hatchet Sponsor sent another one in to Hieronymus, but we were able to get it away in time. I'm still not entirely convinced Androia's and Kyaris' explosion stash is legit, either.

Luckily, the day wasn't as quiet as the night - certainly not for Marina and Library, who couldn't get Whitney and Peregrin to shut up! But we also saw a number of fights: holo-Acacia and Nikki drove off Charlotte and Apollo in the very same camp where Tomash and Amris died during the night.

Was Nikki there overnight? I didn't see.

Difficult to determine; we'll have to ask in the interviews. We also saw Zeb take down William, but leave him alive.

Actually, escaping death was quite a theme today. Sergio managed not to kill himself when he tried to rewire the elevators. Mia ran into Ajax and Falchion, who didn't attack her; Champion Lola dropped right on top of Mirrad, but they ended up allied!

That was certainly a luckier portal than Decima's, which threw her into that lava pit! A nasty way to go. And, speaking of nasty ways to go…

Oh, yes.

If 'escaping death' was one of today's themes, 'depression' was the other. We saw Nickul banging his head on the wall; the Librarian wandering in search of company; Michael's soul-searching. And, of course, James and Gall.

I still don't get that. Why would you make a suicide pact, and then honour it? Do… do they not know what the game is about?

I don't know, Notte. We'll have to ask them in the interview.

Which is coming right up?

Which is coming right up, after the break.


GORE! BLOOD! GUTS! And worst of all: LAUNDRY!

We've all been there: heading out for a relaxing evening at Rudi's, you discover that your favourite shirt is spattered with the urple remains of the Suvian you just killed. Water won't rinse it off - rubber gloves dissolve when you touch it - bleach just makes things worse.

Enter BL+ELLO, the only washing powder guaranteed to separate Suvian colours into their component parts! Watch those wilver splotches fall away in white and silver streams! Bled simply drains away once it's blue and red again! And as for glose, the scent of those roses is almost as beautiful as the gold!

Warning: does not work on dark black, meen, antiblue, or other non-combinatorial Suvian colours.


Interviews (Day 2)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "Found something to read. It was a death threat from Building Maintenance. I didn't think they were even in here?"

Steve Dimond: "I guess there's a chance I might win this? I've tried to make friends, y'know - Apollo was fun last night, and today I hung out with VJ and Hop. I dunno, though; there's some pretty ruthless agents in here."

Luxury: "Hmm-hmm-hmm... I've got a plan, you've got a plan, all the sexy agents got a plan..."

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "Today has been a kaboom-y day. I got a plasma cannon in the night - from who, I don't know - and then found some explosives with the tall elf woman. Androia, that's the one. I mean, I can't use any of this stuff - I'm not picking bombs up in my mouth, thank you very much! - but it's nice to know it's there."

District Neshomeh

Derik: *with a completely mostly straight face* "'Tis but a scratch. Stings a bit. Always look on the bright side of life. Get on with it!"

Gall: "Motherf****r! This was not supposed to happen! That guy totally bought the waterworks, I palmed the poison I already had into his cup when I poured the Bleepka, and that should've been that! I swear I only turned around for one second to put the bottle down. How could this happen?!"

Mirrad: "I am sad to learn that Decima is out of the games so soon. I suspect now that she only wanted me to watch her back while she took a shower and did not intend to make a lasting alliance at all, since she left soon after she had finished. However, I had a pleasant evening with Hop and Nickul, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with last year's champion. It is quite fortunate that she landed on top of me."

Elms: "I am so lost. I should never have left Peregrin, even if he was boring. Hey, camera-bot, I don't suppose I could follow you to... I dunno, anywhere that isn't an empty corridor?"

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "Well, I didn't find Medical. Only a room filled with camo gear in which I passed out. I took some of it when I woke up this morning because I thought I might be able to use it in the Courtyard. But hey, guess what? Couldn't find that either, so now I look like an idiot. It's kind of annoying how holo-Headquarters doesn't play by the same rules as regular Headquarters. All my tactics for trying to get around don't work here."

The sound of cannons can be heard. Gremlin steps off camera to get a better look.

"WHY IS GALL DEAD AGAIN ALREADY! G, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY F*****G SENSE OF SELF-PRESERVATION?!"

James: "I stepped away from the campsite during the night to look for supplies and fell down a flight of stairs that hadn't been there before. Thought I was a goner when that Pokemon came up on me. I was more than surprised when he patched me up rather than finish me off. Might kind act, right there.

"Now then, the suicide pact…"

He sighs.

"It wasn't really supposed to go down like that. Little redhead comes up to me, bawling, saying that she was tired of this whole thing and wanted to go out but was too scared to do it on her own. She was not the most talented actress I ever met, so I didn't buy it. I was about to get down to brass tacks when it dawned on me: maybe I could play this out. So I make the agreement.

"We get a bottle of Bleepka and some poison. She suggests having a non-deadly toast before offing ourselves. I agree, but when she turns away, I dose her drink. We toast, and bottoms up.

"Turned out she managed to dose my glass too. Never saw her do it. I tip my hat to you, Gall. That was some damn fine sneak work."

Holo-Acacia: "I have become very efficient at defensive action, even without my hatchet!"

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "So, yeah. I have no idea if Tomash attacked our camp to try to take us down before we could get him, or he found us here only by chance... but that's what happens when you touch our daughter."

Nikki: "Well, you actually did all by yourself. By the time I had set up my Device, you had already swiss-cheesed him."

Sergio: "What were you expecting me to do, really? Anyways, the ball of bloodthirst is out too, which is a good thing. That guy gave me the creeps."

Nikki: "Yeah. Tagging along with Holo-Acacia was a good thing, since she got him. I wonder who Acacia Byrd is - if the producers decided to put an hologram of her in, she must've been someone famous."

Sergio: "One thing is sure, her archery is top notch."

Nikki: "Also, I'd like to thank Corolla and Keiko for the water - yes, we know you're behind it. It was very appreciated. Especially after Sergio here nearly fried himself with that elevator."

Sergio: "Well, I tried to knock it out of commission to give our opponents one less way into our camp, but I guess that would've been a job better suited to our Corolla..."

Makes-Things: "Ow. Can confirm that holographic flame still hurts. Ow."

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "Well, that was... interesting moments I guess. Someone who is able to hurt himself like this in a shower during a free-for-all deathmatch cannot be that dangerous as an opponent, and having favors ready to be called can behandy, even if I got the impression he's some sort of practicionner. Gotta watch this later.

"After that, I ended up with another ally. She seemed a little weird, but that was still an ally, and one who didn't try to backstab me. Although I could have made without all the questions. I had to cut this out, with this sort of distraction, we were just begging to be targetted."

District Ixleb

Zeb: "I know, I know, I'm not helping my chances by leaving other tributes alive, but maybe if they see how nice and helpful I can be, they'll want to team up! Now that Falc and I got separated and everything..."

Charlotte: "I miss being able to run fast. This is boring. And how'm I supposed to know if my partner's doing alright while I'm stuck here killing other people? Do I at least get a phone call? Or do I have to talk to a lawyer first?"

District Comet Junkie

Matthew (On the phone, obviously upset): "Levvvy why did you kill the Pokemon equivalent of Angelion...

"I really need to stop sending in these hatchets…"

Levy (Also upset): "I don't Knoooow, I thought she would end up like the Black Knight in Monty Python."

Ajax: "...How the heck was I able to burn MT, I'm not in my Awoken form.

"Also that Falchion guy is pretty cool... though we did fail a spot check soooo…"

Nickul: "D&D is fun, hitting my head against a wall is not. I'M AN INTELLECTUAL GDI."

District Grey Tomatoes

Androia: "I can do that? How did I do it? Who is Monty Python? And what is this entity with the many heads? I would ask Hieronymus, but somehow he vanished?"

Hieronymus: "The creeping factor is increasing. I wanted to get away from Androia, how come I always run into her? She kept me awake all night with this silly Monty Python game, and I don’t even know how she knows Monty Python. I’m going to roll up in some corner and get a handful of sleep now. Oh, by the way, the sponsor who sent me clean water and medical supplies during the qualifier was more helpful. Just saying."

Tomash: "Well, Amris and I portaled straight into Sergio's camp and I got shot right then and there. Hurt like h***, but at least everything was over quickly. And I'm not really bitter, since that was a really justified revenge kill after ... that incident.

"However, I'm not letting Amris set the portal coordinates next time."

Peregrin: "I know Library would have rather I stopped talking so much, but I woke up today thinking I had an insight that might lead to a solution to Grod-Taunga. I eventually discovered my mistake, but it took several hours since I had nothing to write with."

District Silver Cipher

VJ: "Ughh... That makes a day worth of food skipped. Seriously, I felt like if I didn't get any food, I would have to chew on my leather belt. But it was nice to hang out with Hop again."

Will: "Showers are bloody deadly. That's why I take baths over showers every day. At least you can support yourself by holding onto an edge of a bathtub; shower just go along with you. Well, at least Mari was there to fix things up."

Falchion was too incoherent for a proper interview due to two whole days of starvation.

District Desdenskar

The Librarian: *incoherent grumbling, generally sour mood*

Amris: "Hey, nobody told me my fields would be off-line for this! I'd demand my money back but we don't use money back home and anyway I didn't pay anything." *Aura fields turn brown*

Whitney: "I have. SO many questions. I was concerned that people would not want to have anything to do with me due to my... track record... but it's good to hear that this was not the case. Gall was surprisingly high-spirited and understanding throughout our conversation, and it's sad to hear that she had her accident later. And as for Marina, I have to give her props for reminding me to keep my head in the game, because otherwise, I would've been too distracted to think about not dying. Ironic, huh?"


Night 1 Transcript

The Canon Librarian starts a fire in the middle of a corridor. Building Maintenance start planning their revenge.

Luxury thinks about winning.

Nurse Mirrad, Hop, and Nickul play D&D.

Gremlin passes out from exhaustion.

Charlotte Webb sings Decima and the Librarian to sleep - then steals all their food.

Zeb bandages James Pittman's wounds.

Falchion goes hungry.

Hieronymus and Androia talk exclusively in Monty Python quotes.

VJ goes hungry.

Kyaris receives a plasma cannon from an unknown sponsor.

Derik and Levy talk exclusively in Monty Python quotes.

Mia sleeps soundly.

Gall and Whitney exchange stories about their worst missions.

Ajax sets Makes-Things on fire for warmth.

Gabrielle and Michael Green run into each other and decide to truce for the night.

Lola McCandless curls up in a corner and tries to sleep.

Nurse Elms tries to seduce Peregrin.

Nikki Cherryflower receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Marina bandages William Grey's wounds.

Steve Dimond and Apollo talk exclusively in Monty Python quotes.

Tomash and Amris portal into Sergio and Holo-Acacia's camp, and are promptly shot.

Library passes out from exhaustion.


Day 2 Transcript

Nurse Elms tries to find her Response Centre, but gets hopelessly lost.

Kyaris and Androia find a large quantity of explosives.

Levy kills Gabrielle with an illicit hatchet.

The Librarian longs for some company.

Mia stumbles across Ajax and Falchion, who fail to notice her.

Library spends the day trying to get Peregrin to stop talking.

Luxury finds a secret passage, but it leads nowhere.

The Canon Librarian finds a long, rambling message written on a wall.

Hieronymus receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor. The broadcasters take it away again.

Marina spends the day trying to get Whitney to stop talking.

Holo-Acacia and Nikki Cherryflower defend their camp in the Miss Cam Courtyard from Charlotte Webb and Apollo.

Gremlin discovers that camoflague doesn't work too well in a uniformly-grey building.

Lola McCandless accidentally portals on top of Nurse Mirrad; they promptly team up.

Nickul finds himself wishing for a mission, and has to beat his head against a wall to recover.

Michael Green questions his insanity.

Derik finds a vial of Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.

Zeb defeats William Grey in a fight, but spares his life.

VJ, Hop, and Steve Dimond find an open Response Centre and hide out for the day.

James Pittman and Gall make a suicide pact, and die together.

Sergio attempts to hack into the elevators, and gets a nasty shock.

Decima accidentally portals herself into a lava pit.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


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Night 2/Day 3

Day three of the PPC HQ Hunger Games. The cannons have fired, nine times more. And not a single district remains.

That is a bald-faced lie. We haven't had a single district eliminated yet.

Fine: not a single district remains untouched. All are marred by death - and by the vile scourge that is hatchets.

It began with a death: Agent Library's, at the hands of Gremlin. No, not at Gremlin's hands - at the blade of her hatchet, carved and graven with the words of war. And from that act of murder, new hatchets came forth: one to Nikki in the depths of the night, one for Apollo in the bright morning, and four, four twice-damned hatchets in the heat of the day: to Michael, to Mia, to Whitney, and to Nikki once more.

Yeah, he's kind of cracking up, I'm afraid. Soon he's going to be scribbling on the walls like Derik, or wandering at random like Will or Peregrin today.

I know now how the Canon Librarian feels; for he has sought his Library all through the games, only to see it found by Ajax in his place. 'Tis no wonder he wrought such violence upon Androia and Charlotte when they dared approach him.

Seriously, they portalled into his and Mia's camp and got shot; you'd think he hunted them down with a spear the way you're talking. You're being as ridiculously dramatic as Steve, Elms, Levy, and Marina in those plays they were putting on overnight. I mean, if you had to pick a worthy audience in the arena, Champion Lola or Sergio the Avenger would be it, but…

Drama, you call it. But was not Steve's performance a premonition of his own demise at the Librarian's unfaithful hands?

Not really. Unless you mean 'dying on stage'. Look, do you mind if I take over?

I most certainly do mind.

Then pull yourself together.

… fine. Ahem. Speaking of 'together', last night was a night for romance: Derik and Will held hands all through the night, and we here at NTV had quite a few bets on which seduction attempt would succeed: Hieronymus and Michael, or Kyaris and the Librarian.

I was backing the hydra. Never bet against a hydra.

But this is the Hunger Games, despite how much Hop ate during the night, and the Hunger Games aren't about love - they're about death. And death we had aplenty-

Oh, don't start that again.

Three died during the night: Library, Androia, Charlotte. But after day began, the death toll just rose and rose. Gremlin made good use of her explosive stash, taking out Mirrad and Zeb and bringing her tally up to three. Levy, having concealed her injuries from all, finally bled out.

Not that we know for sure she'd hidden anything. It was too well hidden.

VJ sought solace in the Fountain of Bleepka, but it drew her down into its watery depths. And as previously mentioned, the Librarian feigned friendship with Steve and Nickul, only to cut them down where they stood.

So 22 of our tributes remain, locked in their arena of woe. What sorrow is theirs? What pains will they suffer, ere-

That's quite enough of that. I think the advertisers have a little suggestion for you. We'll be back after the break with interviews.


Art thou afflicted with the speech patterns of Shakespeare? Dost thou find thyself unable to come to a point, though all the leagues of badfic stand arrayed against thee, and thine the only plan? Canst thou declare thy affections only in verse, and thy sorrows in wretched pentameter?

Behold, for thee is laid on a cure the like of which has ne'er before been seen! Hie thee unto the General Store, and bid the merchant bring to you YO WATEVS DUDE. Partake with thy meal, and verily, thou shalt find the trappings of former days washed away, and thy speech become plain as… as… as… well, I can't say what as! I've just taken it myself, you see. Laters!


Interviews (Day 3)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "What do you mean someone touched my books?!

"Oh, shot someone earlier. I think it was the- the Twilight vampire. Kind of a shame; I wanted to talk to her."

Steve Dimond: "Well, the night was fun, even if that nurse is a much better actor than me. I think Sergio appreciated the effort, though. As for the day, I... don't think I like Time Lords much."

Luxury: "I like nurses. They have interesting ideas."

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "I love Time Lords! They get so skittish when you come on to them! One minute they're all 'I have witnessed the death of universes and seen alien beings you cannot even begin to comprehend'; the next they're 'oh, yeah, I need to wash my hair, I'll get back to you.' Brilliant stuff."

District Neshomeh

Derik: "That lying warlock told me he could fix my leg, but we had to maintain physical contact for the magic to work. More fool I, I believed him. Eventually I nodded off, and that's when he must have slipped away. Should've killed him when I had the chance.

"Oh, this? Don't you know music when you see it? I dreamed it. I'm not usually much of a composer, but it wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote it down, and there's nowhere else to write."

Mirrad: "It seems it was not my fate to win this time. Still, I believe I did well, and never once resorted to violence.

"Incidentally, Agent Luxury is a very misunderstood young lady. I explained that I had taken a vow of chastity, and that was that. She is quite charming company, albeit odd."

Elms: "I am so happy to be with people again, you have no idea. I know I should be killing them, but I just can't right now. I even made out with Lux a bit—you don't have that on camera, do you? Come on, do you?!"

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: She's sitting down in some random room on top of what looks like an impromptu nest made of camouflage clothing. As she speaks, she idly rotates her hatchet in one hand. On one side of the head are the crudely etched words "GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY." On the other side, it says "SUN SHINES, AND BROTHER, I HURT PEOPLE."

"My teammates are gone, apart from that weird hologram. My best friend is gone. My chest still hurts. I'm annoyed, tired, and hungry. Seems to me that the best way to fix all that is to wrap this thing up as fast as possible. The explosives definitely helped in that regard. I hope I can find another stash somewhere. Or Medical. Finally finding Medical would be great."

Holo-Acacia: "I have now become very efficient at both stealth and theft actions! This has both increased my overall chance of survival and my overall chance of obtaining an personal hatchet."

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "I really have no idea why these two insisted for actign out a play for me - I sure don't think I'm such a revered veteran? And it wasn't a bizarre attempt at assassinating me, either - I wonder what was going though their heads.

"Durign the day I met the hydra again, and at some point I felt like we were watched, but I couldn't see anyone. If there was indeed anyone around, kudos for managing to hide that well."

Nikki: "Well, nothing interesting happened today - except someone kept sending me hatchets. Why? I have a magical energy sword, and even if I wanted to use the hatchets to chop down some wood... well, there aren't any trees in HQ. Or, at least, I haven't seen one yet?"

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "Playing a piece for the reigning champion so I am allowed to live? I'm actually surprised she let us go. She must have been really bored.

"Day has been quiet too, once I followed this hydra and Sergio. They were threatening enough to keep other opponents at bay, but were not able to know I was there. Seven heads and one veteran, and you cannot spot one person? I cannot understand how they're still there."

District Ixleb

Zeb: *shaking like a leaf* "E-explosions. It h-had to be exp-plosions. I th-think I need to g-go to FicPsuch..."

Charlotte: "Well, that was a totally bogus death. Guess that's what I get for being so hungry I can't even think straight. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find some Sues to eat."

District Comet Junkie

Ajax is seen crying over the corpse of Levy, having positioned her body for funeral rights.

Ajax: "I'm gonna kill them, every last one of them."

Levy (Sobbing): "I'm sorry *sobbing noises* I'm so, so sorry."

She continues the sobbing and the apologizing.

Matthew (Sitting with Levy, comforting her): "It's Ajax's worst nightmare."

Nickul (Doing the same): "I can only imagine how she feels."

(Earlier) "Mr. Librarian, I commend your job in dispatching me. Tripping me up and shooting me in the eye was an excellent method of getting past my scales."

District Grey Tomatoes

Androia: "I am so sorry, Charlotte. I thought I had the right coordinates for Medical and could get you a blood bottle."

Hieronymus: "I tried –? What the –? Let me see that footage... Oh, yeah, from that weird point of view, it may look like... Actually, I could hardly keep him off me. I’m not sure whether he had found his insanity or lost it, but somehow he must have been under the delusion that I’m Hermione Granger."

Peregrin could not be reached for comment. He was pacing up and down an empty corridor, muttering something about finite fields.

District Silver Cipher

Hop: "What can I say, I knew I'm gonna go far. Looks like it's just me an' Will now. I'm comin' for you, Magic Man!"

Will: ...

VJ: "Bleh, why did it have to be Bleepka? I don't even drink! Couldn't they establish a fountain of Bleeppolate? I still smell like rubbing alcohol. It was fun to share stories with Zebbie-boy, though. Poor thing. Next time I see him, I'm gonna hug him!"

Falchion: "ZEB, NOOOOO!... Anyway. Well. Who knew RCs had stocked fridges? Lucky break, I guess! Though I seriously have to question hiding out with Luxury of all people. I mean, knowing her, uh, reputation…"

District Desdenskar

The Librarian: "One by one the frail humans fall... but it is clear that my next target is the disgusting creature that... no, sorry, this is too disgusting. I signed up for virtual death, not for sexual advances by a snake. Can I get my time back?"

Whitney: "Finally, a decent weapon! With luck, somebody's going to get fit very soon. In a coffin, that is!"


Night 2 Transcript

Luxury and Nurse Mirrad sleep in shifts.

Nickul receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.

Gremlin engraves a hatchet with select quotes, then kills Library with it.

Hop eats a hearty meal.

Falchion receives a plasma cannon from an unknown sponsor.

Zeb and VJ exchange stories about their worst missions.

Levy and Marina perform a play for Lola McCandless.

Peregrin passes out from exhaustion.

Holo-Acacia steals all Whitney and Apollo's stuff while they sleep.

Derik and William Grey hold hands.

Steve Dimond and Nurse Elms perform a play for Sergio.

Nikki Cherryflower receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

Ajax curls up in a corner and tries to sleep.

Hieronymus tries to seduce Michael Green.

Kyaris tries to seduce the Librarian.

Androia and Charlotte Webb portal into The Canon Librarian and Mia's camp, and are promptly shot.


Day 3 Transcript

Gremlin sets off explosives, killing Nurse Mirrad and Zeb.

Levy bleeds out.

Ajax hangs out in the Canon Library all day.

Holo-Acacia steals Lola McCandless's food while she is distracted.

Apollo receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

VJ drowns in the Fountain of Bleepka.

Marina stumbles across Sergio and Kyaris, who fail to notice her.

Peregrin wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Nikki Cherryflower, Michael Green, Whitney, and Mia simultaneously receive hatchets from unknown sponsors.

William Grey wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Hieronymus stalks The Canon Librarian all day long.

The Librarian teams up with Steve Dimond and Nickul, then shoots them in the back.

Derik writes long, rambling messages on the walls.

Luxury, Nurse Elms, and Falchion find an open Response Centre and hide out for the day.

Hop finds a vial of Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


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Night 3/Day 4

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Five more deaths. Five more tributes out of the Games. Their deaths a tale of betrayal, bravery, cunning, and clumsiness. Welcome back… to the Hunger Games.

Last night, almost everyone found company. Sergio and Nikki stuck together; our reigning champion teamed up with Nurse Elms; Luxury set her sights on Hieronymus. Even the reclusive Canon Librarian found himself in a group, though he doesn't seem to have said much to them.

Of course, companionship wasn't always a good idea. The Librarian, the last of our four Time Lord tributes, put his trust in Whitney - but she killed him in his sleep.

At least Apollo and Mia can say they were honestly caught out. Peregrin snuck in while they were both sleeping, and took them down.

Michael, on the other hand, learned the folly of overconfidence. He received another wretched hatchet during the night - very similar to the one Falchion got this morning - in fact, how many hatchets are we up to now?

Oh, no...

We've seen eleven hatchets sent into the arena. Two of our tributes have used them for murder. Both Nikki and Michael have been sent two - probably a factor in Michael's confidence. Because he was overconfident. Did he really think two hatchets would let him force a hydra to do what she was told? Because it didn't. She took his head off with a single bite.

Other encounters during the day were less lethal. Will portalled up to Lola, but our reigning champion chose to join forces rather than kill him. Ajax and Nikki defended the camp in the Miss Cam Courtyard - the one that Sergio and Nikki have been coming back to repeatedly over the last few days.

Perhaps that's where Sergio was trying to go with his portal. Unfortunately, he missed, and the lava pits are not forgiving.

Gremlin, meanwhile, continued her weapon-oriented game, tricking the Canon Librarian into giving up all the instruments of destruction he'd gathered.

Just goes to show that hiding yourself in impenetrable darkness doesn't protect you from being a gullible idiot.

So we come to the end of our report. The arena feels almost empty now, with so few tributes remaining. We'll be back after the break to interview the survivors, and after that… well, next time we may have something quite special for you.


Out of paper? Bed broken? Need an office chair? Contact the Quartermaster to requisition the essentials of life in HQ. Just call the Morning Glory, and ask for - nay, demand! - your rights. She won't be able to refuse.

Oh, but, uh, don't tell her we sent you, please.


Interviews (Day 4)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "Tried teaming up last night. Not convinced it's a good idea. Probably led to having all my stuff stolen by the scary lady with the hatchet, honestly."

Luxury: "Wow! That old guy was sure interesting. Who would've guessed?"

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "So Hop is kind of sweet. Less sweet and more laughable is that Michael person: what, he thought he could make me do anything I didn't want to? Did he not bother to count my heads?"

District Neshomeh

Derik: "It seems no one fears a man with only one eye and one leg. Fair enough. Now that I've discovered this excellent dead-end passage with a hidden door, I think I'll stay here and see what comes my way. Starting, I hope, with one of those excellent hatchets everyone else seems to be getting. *grins and vanishes dramatically clumsily into the passage*"

Elms: "I finally decide to take the offensive, and I get a face full of hatchets for my trouble. No backup, either. I figured anybody that old in this game had to be a retired adventurer with a hundred levels or something, but the guy rabbited at the first sign of trouble. Sheesh. Well, maybe I'll have better luck next time." *crosses fingers*

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "The Canon Librarian didn't have all that much useful gear. Still, better that I have it then someone else. If I collect what I can and steer clear of any big groups, then I might come out of this all right."

Holo-Acacia: "I told the other members of my group that I do not require sleep, but they still insisted that each person sleep in staggered patterns. I declined to push the matter, as survival is very important.

"Also, I have successfully branched from stealth-based thievery to deception-based thievery!"

She flourishes an ill-gotten weapon.

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Sergio: "I coul've given that lava bath a miss. In fact, I should have: I've used these things for years and I've never misplaced a portal.

"In fact, I'm pretty sure I did indeed put in the exact coordinates - I've been coming and going from that camp for basically all the time I spent in this game! I just had to use the "load last location" function, which clearly wasn't a lava pit so I'm going to have a talk about this with you producers later.

"What do you mean, 'assuming you find us?' I'm having Corolla track the signal of this drone right now. I am going to find you."

Nikki: "I don't know why the Event Feed found noteworthy the fact that Sergio and I didn't fight each other tonight. He's my boyfriend, what were you expecting?

"I'm surprised Sergio got out due to a mispalced portal - that's not a mistake he would do - in fact, I was so upset about it that when two people tried to invade our camp I just threw my hatchets at them without thinking.

"By the way, I'm currently sharing camp with that Ajax dude, the one who spared Sergio in the qualifiers. I hope he doesn't try to seduce me too - because Sergio would be likely going to ask for a rematch."

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "Well I found a group for the night. Now, they didn't seem threatening enough for me to fear anything tonight, I mean a cripple, the Canon Librarian, who seems like a shut-in, even more than his libary in fact, and an hologram I could probably short circuit...

"Speaking of that, where the hell did you get the idea I was hacking this elevator? I'm a wizard, and I was just trying to use it by pushing the freaking buttons. Lessons of the day? Not touch anything technological in a holo simulation."

District Ixleb

District Comet Junkie

Matthew (On the Phone): "Ajax! The partner of the agent you tried to seduce says you are so punched."

Levy (In the background): "Doubly so!"

Matthew: "You heard the lady."

Ajax: "How did they even get your number?"

The phone was hung up

District Grey Tomatoes

Hieronymus: "Well, last night was a nice change. Yesterday, I was so upset, I didn’t even notice that Androia is out. Unfortunately I can’t brag that she needs the exercise more than I do, but if she wants to operate the Arr Ah on the next mission, she’ll have to beg for it, a lot. Yes, I’m evasive. I’ll only say that Lux is an interesting person in many aspects.

"Aaaand I found the Courtyard at last. It was sooo good to get out of the grey corridors and see some green. And Nurse Elms may be an interesting person, too. But before we could talk much, Rollerblade Guy and Anime Girl started to throw hatchets at us. Looks like they are a team now and set up a camp there, and they may have thought that we wanted to rob them of their provisions. So we ran away in opposite directions, and I haven’t seen Elms again since then."

Peregrin: "I might like to get to know Luxury better, but I don't think that a contest such as this is an appropriate time to arrange liaisons, no matter how casual."

District Silver Cipher

Will: "She may've killed part of my alliance, but let's face it... me and the Librarian? We would eventually kill one another. Also, Ajax - sorry, chief, but you're not my type."

Hop: "So yeah, not the smartest idea I've had... Can I not comment on that? Hip will give me the pep-talk later, I'm sure o' that."

Falchion: "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if I was crowned the winner by sleeping through the whole thing. Also, why are there so many hatchets? It's like everyone's gonna get one like some kind of giveaway or something! Not that I'm complaining, of course, but still…"

District Desdenskar

Whitney: "I had to do it. I had no choice. I've heard the horror stories of how the Librarian is a racist, misanthropic bigot with no respect for humanity. Knowing that and my... reputation... I'm sure he would've killed me the second he woke up.

"And I have to be honest, finding that Escher room may be a good thing in light of this. At least if anyone wanted to come after me for what I did back there, they'd be too lost to find me."


Night 3 Transcript

Falchion sleeps soundly.

Peregrin sneaks into Apollo and Mia's camp and kills them.

Sergio and Nikki Cherryflower run into each other and decide to truce for the night.

Nurse Elms and Lola McCandless exchange stories about their worst missions.

Luxury tries to seduce Hieronymus.

Whitney and The Librarian team up for the night - then Whitney kills The Librarian in his sleep.

Gremlin hears voices in the distance and heads in the opposite direction.

Ajax tries to seduce William Grey.

Michael Green receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

Kyaris and Hop hold hands.

Derik, Holo-Acacia, Marina, and The Canon Librarian sleep in shifts.


Day 4 Transcript

Falchion receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

William Grey accidentally portals on top of Lola McCandless; they promptly team up.

Ajax and Nikki Cherryflower defend their camp in the Miss Cam Courtyard from Nurse Elms and Hieronymus.

Gremlin tricks The Canon Librarian into giving her all his weapons.

Marina attempts to hack into the elevators, and gets a nasty shock.

Whitney gets stuck in an Escher room.

Holo-Acacia tricks Hop into giving her all her weapons.

Michael Green forces Kyaris to kill either Luxury or Peregrin. She overpowers Michael Green and kills him instead.

Sergio accidentally portals himself into a lava pit.

Derik finds a secret passage, but it leads nowhere.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


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Night 4/Day 5

Okay, so I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we have something extra special coming up after this report - more on that later. The bad news is that today was utterly boring.

Nobody died. Nobody! Where's the fun in that? The best we had to watch last night was reigning champion Lola sneaking into the cafeteria for food, or the bizarre spectacle of Peregrin trying to bandage a hologram's injuries.

Be fair; Derik and Hop's sleep-duel was entertaining.

Yes, until they woke up. And once everyone was awake… more nothing! Just a bunch of people running away from each other all day, plus Derik doing his best to electrocute himself.

So are you thinking about running the-?

Shh! And yes. But that still doesn't make up for today. Not even seeing Lux try to seduce holo-Acacia makes up for today.

It's pretty funny, though.

… true.

Well! After that awful report, it's time for some good news. We'll take a short break, and then we'll have an extra special report from NTV's very own… Dafydd Illian!


Some Suvians just won't die. Some CAFs resist everything you can throw at them. Some wraiths are just too corporeal to exorcise.

Fortunately, there is a solution. Order Ye Olde Poisonous Poison now, and never find killing too hard again.


Hello. Before I start, I have to correct Undis Closed: I am not 'NTV's own'. I work with them occasionally, but never for them. Got it? Good.

Now: you know what's worse than getting killed in the Hunger Games? That's right: getting killed early in the Hunger Games. All that anticipation, all that training, and you just go out straight away. It's awful. This year, that was me, going out in the Qualifiers. So a few of us got together, talked to NTV, and persuaded them to simulate a run-off, to give us all a second chance.

Then we had to bully or abduct all the other failed qualifiers. That took a while, but finally we were ready. We headed into the backup holodeck, and ran the program.

And then I got killed. Again. Navare wasn't even aiming for me - he had his sights on Zee, but… missed. For all that, though, I'm not quite last place in the Games - that honour goes to Laura Dukes, who found Harris quite unwilling to grant her quarter. Then, seconds before I took my hit, Morgan stabbed July out of the games, giving me a comfortable 70th place.

The bloodbath lived up to its name for once: Richard took out Hip, while Colt and Jesse ganged up on Barid. Holo-Acacia's holo-partner, Holo-Jay, took a stab at Corolla, but the little Unison Device was only stunned. Not the only one - Constance managed to knock herself out, too. Oh dear, love.

So the survivors spread out into HQ, and we saw an immediate teamup I'm going to call Team Murder: Richard, Jesse, and Harris. They didn't manage to kill anyone, though: that honour went to Corolla, who succeeded in poisoning Navare. Obviously, I was cheering her on. Connie managed to hunt down the Canon Library and spent the day reading - attagirl.

And then, just as everyone was winding up for the night, bang: out went the lights. The producers had sprung one of their dreaded arena event, and it was absolute mayhem. Team Murder got separated in the confusion: Richard managed to hunt down Colt and eliminate him as competition, but Jesse ended up falling to the Tiger Lily.

Nor were they the only ones. Our two Time Lords, Morgan and the Aviator, both tried to portal away from the darkness, but both portal generators malfunctioned. You might think that sounds suspicious- oh, hello, it's Sergio, isn't it? How nice to see you. Hmm? Oh - pause recording.

-esume. Sorry about that. The rest of the deaths were a mixture of skill and comedy. Ix and Rayner essentially suicided against Zee and Sarah in the dark, while Corolla successfully stalked and killed Doctor Peep. Since I'm on her side, I assume the Doctor was an archvillain of some description. But the kill of the event goes to Agent Alleb, who first robbed Holo-Jay of everything except the shirt on her back, then came back and laid her out cold.

Constance, you'll be glad to know, stayed in the library the entire time. I think she had a torch.

So, by the end of day one of the runoffs, more than half of us were dead. Only ten tributes remained to go into the first night - which we'll see tomorrow.

Oh, apparently after the break we'll have interviews with the tributes from the main games. Possibly some from the runoff, as well? I'm not really clear on what they're doing.


Fire. Fire is good. Fire is clean. Fire will solve all your problems. Use fire.

This message has been brought to you by the Department of Geographical Aberrations. If you burn things, we'll burn them with you.


Interviews (Day 5)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "At last. Someone who appreciates comedy."

Luxury: "Heeeey, Acy's in this! I hadn't realised. Hmm-hmm-hmm..."

Kyaris: "A good night's rest, and a day spent out of trouble... yes, I think I'm ready for tomorrow.

District Eagle Hawk

District Neshomeh

Derik: "Leave me alone, I'm trying to find the secret passage again. I don't know what happened last night, but I am not amused. *blocks the camera with his hand, black and red with burns*"

Elms: "Who woulda thought I'd find the old man again, right? Turns out he's not a retired adventurer, just some guy from World One, but I was glad to have him watching my back anyway.

"Today, I'm chilling with these lovely ladies here. *lowers her voice* Whitney looks pretty tough, but I dunno if she's got my street smarts. I bet I can take her if it comes to that. Not today, though. Must wait for the opportune moment, you know."

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "Forget Medical. What I really need to find is the Cafeteria, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say and mean it. At least I got some water, even if I had to break my 'no big groups' rule."

Holo-Acacia: "I was more than willing to help Peregrin practice medical strategies, once he explained his intentions. He is now unlikely to accidentally kill someone in a real life scenario.

"Also, I believe I am being followed. Someone left me this."

She holds up what looks vaguely like a Valentine card. It is difficult to make out due to the pixel filter superimposed over the top of it.

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Nikki: "Guys, really, the only time I 'held hands' with Falchion is when I tripped and he helped me get up - please, quit trying to get Sergio riled up. He was in SpecOps - if he gets homicidial, things will go nasty real quick.

"Witney and Nurse Elms were quite nice, too - I'm afraid the homicidial instinct of us players ran out, instead?"

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "You. Yes, you the staff behind this mess. I don't know how exactly you could push us to speak the way we did last night, but if there was mind control involved, I swear you've got a big problem."

District Ixleb

District Comet Junkie

Ajax: "That William fellow is pretty okay guy, after the whole getting socked in the face deal. He seemed a bit uneasy on the whole Hydrokinetic stuff, but still an okay guy.

"I'm still going for all who fought Levy though."

District Grey Tomatoes

Hieronymus: "I found her again, but Nurse Elms may not be as interesting as I thought, and being called out for running away when she wanted to fight wasn’t fun. On the upside, I actually got some sleep tonight. I have no idea what Marina was up to; I just can’t go without a shower for more than four days, and Gremlin apparently needed a drink."

Peregrin: "I was aware that the hologram of Sa... Agent Acacia did not require bandaging. However, it was a good opportunity to put what knowledge I have of field medicine into practice with little risk. It was also a good opportunity for an interesting conversation.

"I also rejoined Mr. Grey from the qualifiers, and met a librarian, who was at least as protective of his books as Suur Ala was. I can't see why, though, since he can easily make as many copies as he likes of anything he has, without pulling in the services of anyone foolish enough to complain of having nothing to do."

District Silver Cipher

Falchion: "Helping agents cross the street... All in a day's work, I guess, heh! Kinda sad that not everyone was as willing to accept my statement that I come in peace, though - well, most of the time. Too bad I'm not an Elgeyem!

"Anyway, maybe I'll just sleep out the entire thing. No pressure!"

Whitney: "I have a very bad feeling that tomorrow is going to be extremely violent. Oh, well. Might as well enjoy the calm before the storm while I still can."

District Desdenskar

Run-Offs

The Aviator: "[long stream of bleeped-out words, followed by more swearing in Gallifreyan] God[bleep] it, you'd think after getting out the first time they'd just leave me alone, but no! Hijack me as I'm coming out of Medical and throw me right back in the arena, why don't you? [Bleep]ing media trying to [bleep] over my [bleep]ing life. Jesus [bleep]! So I wandered around in the open hoping someone would come along and take me out of the games. No such luck. At least the portal generator blew up when it did. Though I do wish it hadn't been so..." *shudders* "Explosive."

Corolla: "This losers' bracked was a great idea! Now that I'm getting this chance, I'm going to win this - Navarre, Doctor Peep, I'm sorry but I'm taking no prisoners.

"By the way, who's that holographic girl? Her aim with a Muggle-Use Wand is great, good thing she went for a Stunner."

Harris: [Pats self on the shoulders] "Feels good, man.

"Y'know, back when I first joined DoI, all we were allowed to bring with us to defend ourselves out in the field were sticks— actually, two sticks and a rock for the whole group of newbies! And we had to share the rock! So you can just imagine how good I am when it comes to fighting— heck, that Assassin lady stood no chance. Sure, she tried to surrender and all that but really: this is the Hunger Games. Who's gonna fall for that, eh? Yeah, so after that I teamed up with some other folks to try and hunt down the rest of the players. All was going fine until the lights went out and I was left to bump into practically every wall in the arena. Thank goodness ol' Richie's hearing is better than mine at the moment, 'cause he managed to pick off that Colt guy in the dark. Nice one, man. I've still got some residual ringing in my ears.

"Well, I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring."

Ix: "Yeah, yeah. I know the rollerblades wouldn't do me any good, but if I could keep someone else from getting them, it would've been worth it, right? Eh. You try running in the dark with this leg and tell me you wouldn't have tripped onto someone's sword, too. Charlotte and I will have fun seeing who wins the official games, though!"

Rayner: "Awww. I know I didn't get involved in anything traumatizing but it's still a MAJOR bummer that I didn't get to whack anybody. Eh, better luck next time, I guess.

"Oh, and on behalf of Lapis... Hang in there, Sarah. I know ya got the boot the first time, but we're rootin' for ya all the same. You've got this, girl!"

Richard: "I thought I'd go back to our RC after being eliminated, but then I got knocked out right after the interview, and when I woke up, I was back in this looser bracket. I think me and Marina will have to discuss with the staff of this emission after all is said is done.

"Yes I did pretty good, and was lucky enough to get a bow and a sword, and put my skills with them to use for once, but I think now that's going pretty much too far."

Sarah: "WHOO! Now THIS is what I'm talking about! I may have gotten the short straw the first time, but at least I can now say that I managed to kill somebody! ...even though it was KINDA accidental…"


Night 4 Transcript

Ajax and William Grey exchange stories about their worst missions.

Nurse Elms and Hieronymus sleep in shifts.

Gremlin goes hungry.

The Canon Librarian and Marina talk exclusively in Monty Python quotes.

Falchion and Nikki Cherryflower hold hands.

Lola McCandless sneaks back into the cafeteria to look for food.

Whitney thinks about her partner.

Peregrin bandages Holo-Acacia's wounds.

Luxury starts a fire in the middle of a corridor. Building Maintenance start planning their revenge.

Kyaris sleeps soundly.

Derik and Hop wake to find they have been sleep-duelling.


Day 5 Transcript

Falchion is chased around HQ by Lola McCandless.

Derik attempts to hack into the elevators, and gets a nasty shock.

Hieronymus, Gremlin, and Marina occupy the showers to control the water source.

Peregrin, The Canon Librarian, and William Grey hunt for other tributes.

Luxury stalks Holo-Acacia all day long.

Kyaris spots Hop at the end of a corridor, and runs away.

Ajax finds himself wishing for a mission, and has to beat his head against a wall to recover.

Whitney, Nikki Cherryflower, and Nurse Elms find an open Response Centre and hide out for the day.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


Runoff Transcript 1

As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.

Captain Dandy and The Tiger Lily try to steal Ix's rollerblades, but she gets away.

Laura Dukes is unable to convince Harris to not kill her.

Morgan offers to team up with July, then stabs her when she comes over.

Navare shoots an arrow at Zee, but misses and kills Dafydd instead.

Constance trips and knocks herself out.

Alleb and Gerry start fighting, then The Aviator trips over them.

Sarah runs away from the Cornucopia.

Doctor Peep runs away from the Cornucopia.

Rayner runs away from the Cornucopia.

Richard chases Hip around the cafeteria, and manages to shoot her down.

Holo-Jay stupefies Corolla with a Muggle-use wand.

Colt and Jesse gang up on Barid and stab him to death.

~

Morgan eats an excellent meal.

Holo-Jay spots The Tiger Lily at the end of a corridor, and runs away.

Rayner finds a secret passage, but it leads nowhere.

Alleb hangs out in the Canon Library all day.

Gerry gets advice from a wandering Flower.

The Aviator wanders up and down the same length of corridor all day long.

Harris, Jesse, and Richard hunt for other tributes.

Colt finds a vial of Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.

Ix finds a long, rambling message written on a wall.

Corolla leaves poisoned food out for Navare, who takes the bait.

Doctor Peep fails to discover the HQ Pool.

Sarah spends the day trying to get Zee to stop talking.

Constance hangs out in the Canon Library all day.

Captain Dandy longs for some company.

~

All the lights in HQ go out.

Jesse stumbles onto The Tiger Lily's sword in the dark.

Constance stumbles around until they turn on again.

Captain Dandy stumbles around until they turn on again.

Morgan tries to portal somewhere light, but the generator breaks down halfway, killing her.

Gerry stumbles around until they turn on again.

Ix stumbles onto Zee's sword in the dark.

Rayner stumbles onto Sarah's sword in the dark.

Alleb steals Holo-Jay's supplies in the dark, then returns and quietly stabs her.

Harris stumbles around until they turn on again.

Corolla's hearing lets her hunt down and kill Doctor Peep.

Richard's hearing lets him hunt down and kill Colt.

The Aviator tries to portal somewhere light, but the generator breaks down halfway, killing her.

Fallen Tributes

Surviving Tributes


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Night 5/Day 6

-st make sure we keep moving. There's at least six of them after us right now, and Sergio is dang- oh, we're on?

Hello! And welcome back to the PPC HQ Hunger Games. Yesterday was quiet - almost, one might say, too quiet. Today… wasn't.

Seven tributes remain, spread across seven districts. Let's take a look at how it came to this.

The night was almost peaceful. We had only one violent death - Nikki Cherryflower apparently looks too much like a Suvian for her own good. Our other death was the always-taciturn Canon Librarian, who apparently suffered from a lack of bleeprin. Elsewhere, Derik tried to trick Will into suiciding, but with no luck, and Marina proved there can still be mercy in the late stages of the Games when she spared Ajax.

Undis? We need to get to Station Five, this one's compromised. It's that wretched-

Oh! And here's Notte Ling, ready to tell you all about his favourite moment of the night.

Wha-? Oh. Uh, yeah. It was the bit where the old dude tried to get the champion to go to bed with him. Come on, Undis.

We're still rolling, Notte. And as morning rolled around, we decided to give the tributes something to look forward to: a feast! We stocked the Cafeteria to the brim, sent out the call, and waited for them to come.

Not everyone did, of course. Some, like Derik, were too busy lurking; others, like Holo-Acacia, don't need such things as food. But the others flocked in, and the blood poured out.

The first kill went to Luxury. We don't want to know what she needed those bananas for, but apparently it was important enough to kill! Sorry, Falchion; you should never get between a lady and her fruit. Then Peregrin… well, lighting the Cafeteria on fire was a good plan in principle, but it might have been better to step back afterwards?

Backlit by the flames, Whitney had no problem bringing Hop down with that chair. And we've no idea how Ajax went unseen - just that he succeeded where no-one last year did, and brought down the reigning champion! Sorry, Lola, but this time, you're out. As for Marina… she may have showed compassion last night, but Will showed her none this morning.

The survivors of the feast, and those who never attended, spread out across HQ. When they met in the corridors, conflict was certain. Will managed to flee from Derik, but Holo-Acacia wasn't so lucky - all her hoarded weapons were useless against a grey-bearded human. And Luxury's legendary charm proved to be no shield against a well-cast Avada Kedavra.

As for Nurse Elms… what can we say? CADs are explosive at the best of times.

So seven remain. Kyaris, the many-headed beast, friendly but deadly. Derik, the Phantom of Headquarters, lurking in the shadows. Gremlin, hatchet-wielding and more than a little unhinged. Ajax, the powers of a god in a hesitant body. Hieronymus, elderly, charming, and lethal when he wants to be. Will, the laid-back warlock who's already planning his victory. And Whitney, cheerful, collected, and coming for every last one of them.

Who will win? Who will lose out? Only tomorrow will tell.

Undis, those are explosions, we really have to go.

After the break, Dafydd with the runoffs, and then the interviews. Bye!


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Rather them than me. So, the main games were a murder-fest? Ours were a lot quieter, but we're still down to fewer survivors.

The first night was basically a wash. The remnants of Team Murder split up, and I was biting my metaphorical nails when my avenger Corolla let Harris sing her to sleep. But perhaps killing Laura slaked his thirst for killing, at least for a while. Constance, meanwhile, spent a delightfully geeky night with Captain Dandy. I had hopes for a teamup, but it was not to be.

As day broke, almost everyone went their separate ways. Our Corolla hung out with Sarah, who spent her second day in a row trying to keep her companion quiet. Alleb, who received assistance from Medical overnight, continued her association with authority: she befriended or at least be-made-herself-useful-ed the Tiger Lily, who was apparently the best choice of Flower to team up with, since Captain Dandy was busy drowning himself in the Fountain. Plants, huh?

Constance, meanwhile, got a bit introspective. I can't blame her; I find myself a bit too sane for this sort of thing now, too.

Hey, I said a bit.

Night fell again. The dreaded Hatchet Sponsor paid a visit, giving Gerry a weapon of her very own. Apart from that… well, Corolla kept her distance from everyone, which was a good idea, because they were all very busy being murderous.

Corolla's daytime companion Sarah encountered the Tiger Lily, and demonstrated alarming skill in bringing down the Flower. Alleb ran into Zee, whose inability to be quiet had already irritated Sarah on the first day; Alleb chose to express her annoyance in death. And Constance… well, I guess she figured someone as dangerous as Harris had to be charmed to keep him friendly. Add in her vicious attack on Richard when he stumbled across the two of them, and-

What? No, we don't have an 'open marriage', thank you very much. Like I said, it was a plan to- oh, come on, where did you get those rumours? Is the Multiverse Monitor even still in print? It's all nonsense. -look, that Truth or Dare game was years back, and didn'twhere did you get hold of that?!


All the news, all the scores, all the deals: subscribe to the Multiverse Monitor now, and get twelve standard months for the price o-

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-bonus subscription to Nx1TV for the first thousand subscribers. This offer does not affect your contractual rights. Magazine does not enable reader to fly.


Interviews (Day 6)

District Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian: "I never did find my library. Now I'm out. Bye."

Luxury: "Awwwww. I'd just picked up the best present for Acacia, but then it turns out I'm dead, and so's she, and she's a hologram anyway. All my fun is ruined.

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "I don't know what everyone's going on about with Luxury; I think she's perfectly fine. What? Only seven left? Huh. My day of wandering around aimlessly looks kind of underachieving now, I guess."

District Neshomeh

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: The camera-drone finds her in an abandoned response center, standing in front of a whiteboard she scavenged from somewhere. On it are written the names of the six other survivors. She is muttering to herself as she flips the whiteboard marker between her fingers.

"—not as if I didn't want to go, could've used the food, but someone lit the place on fire. Kyaris? No. No breath weapons. Derik? Maybe. 'S the kind of thing he might do.

"Can't underestimate any of these people. They survived this far. That makes them either super tough or super lucky. Most of them probably have one kill to their name. Got to think of new tactics.

"I need something. An advantage. I need— "

She catches sight of the drone out of the corner of her eye. Electricity begins to flash in her pupils.

"I need privacy."

She raises one hand and snaps her fingers. The camera is suddenly filled with static.

Holo-Acacia: Holo-Acacia had no comment, due to being a now deactivated hologram. Her programmers also had no comment. Well, no comment that wasn't filled with techno-jargon incomprehensible to most of the public. Best we could gather was that they were pleased with her performance despite some issues with her personality program.

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

Nikki: "... Whitney, what was that for? I know I'm a Sakura replacement, but I'm most definitely not a Sue!

*sighs* "Well, at least I fared better than last time..."

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Marina: "Well collecting favors was a good idea, but next time I'll make sure the other person swear me an oath, so it doesn't end up like with this backstab. I should have seen that coming.

*looks intently to the drone, and smirks* "Ohoh, somebody lost hairs when they set this drone loose. I hope you know how to run... *Marina grabs the drone, which ends up hexed to oblivion.*

District Ixleb

District Comet Junkie

Ajax is seen sitting, jotting notes onto letter paper. The is a small pile of his envelopes next to him

Ajax: "Today was a good day. Found my RC, which luckily still had my letter writing equipment in it. Killed the reigning champion with a Black Letter and a knife. And it all culminated with me killing Luxury with Levy's hatchet and Argeiphotes (where would you get the idea that it was The Killing Curse?)."

Something flashes on the Cambot

"Yandere? Me? No. Where would you get that idea? I just got some revenge for Levy and my own sake.

(Aside) "Somebody should probably check that bot's definition of Yandere."

District Grey Tomatoes

Hieronymus: "Washing off all the steamy pheromones may have been a mistake. At least I could pacify Field Commander Lola McCandless enough to get a close look at that flamethrower. It has no fuel. I guess she just carries it around to appear more badass, and then sneakily get us with that hatchet.

"Who would have thought that a hologram may be defunctionalized by applied logic. When that imposter tried to take the stuff I don’t have, I just had to stab her with the Sharp Sword of Reason. I still can’t believe that she was actually meant to be the famous assassin. They got Jay more in character, I think. Was that another programmers team? It’s a shame that she didn’t make it through the qualifier."

Peregrin:

Went out in a blaze of glory, eh?

Peregrin: "There was a blaze. Glory, I'm not certain about. 'Carelessness' might be more appropriate.

"I believe a 'strike-anywhere' match from a package I was taking rubbed against a small explosive of some kind, which set the nearby supplies on fire. I should have listened to my own warnings about loose explosives, since this was all rather preventable."

So, given recent events, are you considering transferring to the Pyro department?

Peregrin: "I'm afraid I'm rather underqualified for Geographical Aberrations, since it has been almost a century since I've studied much chemistry, and I never was terribly interested in explosives even in my younger days. However, I would be willing to consult on matters of universal topology or geometry if needed. Speaking of topology, do you know anyone who would be willing to run experiments about Headquarters? I have several theories, but I have found myself short of data, as usual."

District Silver Cipher

Falchion: "Betrayed by my own stomach... Heh, go figure! Major props to Ajax for avenging my death, though, albeit indirectly. All right, Whitney, it's down to you now! Don't let us down!"

District Desdenskar

Whitney: "Well well, I'm in the top seven! Just a few days left, I think, and this will all be over. Good luck, everyone, and keep it up! Let's see which of us makes it to the finish!"

Run-Offs

Corolla: "I'm in the last six, and going strong! A shame Sarah wasn't very interested in my faithful retelling of the Blank Sprite incident, though."

Richard: "Couldn't sleep. with so much deaths already, I'm not sure I can trust anybody. Duck, I even ended up writing things on the wall to try to mark zones where I already went and interesting locations. All in French.

"All that for getting killed when I saw Constance Sims with some spy so I can't talk about something that you nutjobs will surely broadcast as soon as possible. You need some crash course in free will, you know?

"Wait, is that Marina over there? And she looks... a bit too much happy in my opinion." *another drone lost to hexing.*

Sarah: "Yeah, I'm on a roll! And I actually deliberately killed someone this time! ...oh geez, the DIA will never forgive me for this, huh? Anyway, let's see how long I can keep this up!"


Night 5 Transcript

Derik proposes a suicide pact. William Grey turns him down.

The Canon Librarian dies of a Bleeprin underdose.

Hieronymus tries to seduce Lola McCandless.

Hop, Holo-Acacia, and Gremlin sleep in shifts.

Whitney thinks Nikki Cherryflower is a Suvian and shoots her.

Marina defeats Ajax in a fight, but spares his life.

Luxury and Kyaris sleep in shifts.

Nurse Elms thinks about thinking about winning.

Peregrin cries all night.

Falchion receives a plasma cannon from an unknown sponsor.


Day 6 Transcript

The cafeteria is replenished with food, supplies, weapons, and memoirs from the tributes' partners.

Derik decides not to go to The Feast.

Kyaris decides not to go to The Feast.

Nurse Elms decides not to go to The Feast.

Gremlin decides not to go to The Feast.

Holo-Acacia decides not to go to The Feast.

Luxury kills Falchion over a box of bananas.

Hieronymus decides not to go to The Feast.

Peregrin sets fire to the cafeteria, but dies in the flames.

Whitney smashes Hop's skull with a chair.

Ajax sneaks in invisibly and stabs Lola McCandless.

William Grey catches Marina off-guard and kills her.

Gremlin questions her insanity.

Hieronymus stabs Holo-Acacia and makes off with her weapons.

William Grey spots Derik at the end of a corridor, and runs away.

Ajax hits Luxury with an Avada Kedavra.

Kyaris tries to find her Response Centre, but gets hopelessly lost.

Nurse Elms is killed by an exploding CAD.

Whitney stakes out an exterior door, on the off-chance that it opens.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


Runoff Transcript 2

Richard, Gerry, and Sarah camp together. None of them get any sleep.

The Tiger Lily thinks about winning.

Constance and Captain Dandy talk exclusively in Monty Python quotes.

Harris sings Zee and Corolla to sleep.

Alleb receives medical supplies from a known sponsor - the Medical Department.

~

Sarah spends the day trying to get Corolla to stop talking.

Gerry hangs out in the Canon Library all day.

Zee stumbles across Alleb and The Tiger Lily, who fail to notice them.

Constance questions her insanity.

Harris finds a vial of Ye Olde Poisonous Poison.

Richard writes long, rambling messages on the walls.

Captain Dandy drowns in the Fountain of Bleepka.

~

Gerry receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.

Sarah and The Tiger Lily encounter each other in a dark corridor. Sarah kills The Tiger Lily.

Richard stumbles across Constance and Harris canoodling. They kill him to silence him.

Zee won't stop quoting bad movies, so Alleb kills them.

Corolla hears voices in the distance and heads in the opposite direction.

Fallen Tributes

Surviving Tributes


PPCHG4Logo.png

Night 6/Day 7

-t works against tracking spells? Some sort of anti-magic field?

A tinfoil hat, maybe?

Don't be snarky. What about ysalamiri? Does the Force count as magical enough that they could also block-

Camera.

What? No, cameras don't hide you from magic, that's-

Welcome back to the Hunger Games. Sorry about the mess.

Oh, right. We left off with seven survivors about to go into the sixth night. Two of them took a peaceful approach - Will and Hieronymus, who camped out together. So did Ajax and Whitney, actually, but how 'peaceful' can you call it when Gremlin sneaks in and steals your kit?

The other two… well. We like to think that a lightsaber duel with a hydra is how Derik would have wanted to go.

I kind of doubt it, though.

Me too, but oh well: he's out. Turns out having one leg isn't very useful in combat.

So day dawned, and Gremlin returned to Ajax's camp to finish the job. Forsaking her trademark hatchet, she brought a lightning gun into play. Shocking!

Don't do that.

Meanwhile, Hieronymus demonstrated that 'peaceful' is overrated in the Games: after using Will's company to keep him safe during the night, he showed no qualms about killing him in the morning.

The other two had problems of their own: Whitney found herself alarmingly sane, while Kyaris managed to trip and break a rib, which is a serious problem for a quadroped. But they both survived, and that's what counts.

Four tributes are left: Gremlin, Kyaris, Hieronymus, Whitney. But there can be only one victor. Tomorrow, we'll find out who.


Sad? Depressed? Just plain miserable? Yeah, we know how that can be. Even in HQ - the best workplace in the multiverse! - sometimes things get you down.

If that happens to you, why not visit with your friendly Morale Officer? With a range of inspiring slogans and delicious cookies, nothing is more guaranteed to perk you up after a hard mission.

Go PPC!


Over in the runoffs, morning broke with a surprising announcement: a feast! All six survivors headed for the cafeteria, but not all of them made it: Alleb had apparently neglected to eat anything for the entire game, and up and died on us on the way there. Kind of an embarassing way to go.

Team Murder may be gone, but Harris made a stab at a new Team Ambush. He and Gerry snuck up on Constance, trying to take her out of the Games. Hey, quick tip to the Infrastructure guys: never surprise a lady while she's gathering weapons. I hope this also puts paid to all those rumours about her and Harris.

Across the cafeteria, disaster struck! Corolla, avenging angel - fairy? - that she is, was struck down by Sarah. Nooooo! Would Sarah's reign of terror consume the Games, or could Constance bring her down?

Well… let me put it like this. Constance was collecting weapons. Sarah was stealing bananas.

"Avada Kedavra!"

We have our winner: Constance Sims, formerly of the DMS, Medical, and FicPsych. Her victory nets her a place of honour in the final ranking: 49th place!

… hmm. That doesn't sound as impressive as I hoped. Oh, well. I'm Dafydd Illian, this is NTV, and you should all watch Ardolindi when it comes on again.


Reject the lies of the usurper! Follow the path of the true Sunflower Official! The Hunger Games say fire is catching - but the truth is catchinger! The brutal murder of our TRUE leader cannot be denied!

And next time I offer you a pamphlet, Just Say Yes!


Interviews (Day 7)

District Kaitlyn

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "Shwoom... schwon... shwish... I have got to get one of these things to take home with me.

"So: final four. I didn't really expect to get this far, but now I have, I'm going to do my best to win. That won't be as easy as it would've been before I started breaking bones, but I'm a big girl, I can deal with a bit of pain.

"Now leave me be. I need to plan."

District Neshomeh

Derik: "I hate lightsabers. But at least, now that I'm out, I have my leg back."

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: "A gun that shoots lightning is maybe a bit on the nose for me, but I wanted to make sure. Had to make sure. You can mess up with a hatchet. Electricity is so much… easier.

"Only three more. Then it's over.

"Let's get it done. Then I can go home."

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

District Ixleb

District Comet Junkie

Ajax: "Of course, It just had to be a weapon that preyed on both my natural and Pokémon type match-ups. He stole all of my $#17, and baited me with my Zeus be damned roller-blades."

Ajax looks behind the camera.

"Now if you excuse me…"

Ajax runs past the camera, which turns to watch him run up to Levy. They hug, it's a heartwarming scene.

District Grey Tomatoes

Hieronymus: "Okaaaay, I may have changed my mind about sitting this out. It just takes too long, and how could I not try to find some use for all the weaponry I took from Holo-Acacia? And such an old and experienced warlock should really have known better than falling asleep after discussing insidious assassination methods. He practically begged for it."

District Silver Cipher

District Desdenskar

Whitney: "I suppose having all of my items taken really would put things into perspective. Luckily, I have plenty of experience fighting with my bare hands, though everyone else may be just as dangerous in their own way. But I have to ask... Is it all worth it? Why do we host these games? And why must I have the virtual blood of so many on my hands? Guess I'll have to talk things over with everyone once these games are finished.

"Ah, well. Tomorrow, hopefully, we shall see who is the victor! Good luck to all!"

Run-Offs

Corolla: "... Ok, maybe Sarah really didn't want to listen to my tales? So, fourth in the runoff! Which, well, means I'm fifty-second. Uh."

Sarah: "Awwww, I was like, THIS close to actually winning! Sort of. Ah, well. I'm glad I wasn't in dead last, at least. This was fun, all in all, embarrassments aside obviously. Perhaps I'll have a better chance of victory some other day.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Rudi's. Fiftieth-place drinks are on me!"


Night 6 Transcript

Gremlin steals all Ajax and Whitney's stuff while they sleep.

William Grey and Hieronymus debate the best poison for tipping arrows with.

Derik dies the way he would have wanted to go: in a lightsaber duel with Kyaris.


Day 7 Transcript

Gremlin shoots Ajax with a lightning gun.

Kyaris breaks a rib in a fall.

Hieronymus finds William Grey sleeping and kills him.

Whitney questions her insanity.

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


Runoff Transcript 3

The cafeteria is replenished with food, supplies, weapons, and memoirs from the tributes' families.

Harris and Gerry try to kill Constance - but she has just picked up a new plasma boomerang.

Sarah kills Corolla over a box of bananas.

Alleb dies from exhaustion on the way to the Feast.

~

Constance hits Sarah with an Avada Kedavra.

The winner is Constance!

Fallen Tributes

Runoff Victor


PPCHG4Logo.png

Final Days

Hello, and for the last time… welcome to the Fourth PPC HQ Hunger Games.

You may have heard the rumours about our… difficulties with a number of former tributes. You may be worried that we are in danger from their actions. But we can assure you that there's nothing to worry about; every precaution has been taken to keep us safe.

And if they believe that, they'll-

So! We left off at the end of day seven, with four contestants in the game. For District Eagle Hawk, Kyaris the hydra. Fresh from taking out Derik in an awe-inspiring lightsaber duel, she's injured now, but still a force to be reckoned with.

From District PoorCynic, Gremlin, hatchet-wielding and dedicated. Of all the contestants, she's the one who's been planning ahead the most - but will that be enough?

Hieronymus of District Grey Tomatoes has followed a meandering path through the game. His usual tactic is to befriend the other tributes and take them out while their guard is down, but can he pull it off again?

And finally, Whitney from District Desdenskar. Relentlessly cheerful and able to make the best of every situation, she's had her ups and downs, but is now ready for the final days.

Which have already happened. We already know who won, it was-

Notte! Suspense! As night dawned, our tributes made camp once again. More precisely, Kyaris drained the cafeteria of coffee to keep watch all night, while the other three teamed up - the very last teamup of the Games - and spent a quiet night playing D&D.

We'll have to ask in the interviews who won.

Morning revealed a day of planning and preparation. Three of the agents went on hunts: Whitney for the HQ Pool, Hieronymus for his RC, and Kyaris for the Fountain of Bleepka. What Whitney and Hieronymus intended, we don't know, but Kyaris' plan involved drinking almost half of the fountain.

As for Gremlin, we're not sure what she was up to - she's proven expert at avoiding the cameras - but we do know she got a medical kit from someone outside. Perhaps someone had sympathy for her endless quest to find Medical earlier in the game?

Night fell, and proved that planning is key. While Hieronymus continued to work on his plans for the morning, Kyaris managed to herd or trick Whitney and Gremlin into a Response Centre and seal the door. A blast of bleepka fumes from her many heads finished them off.

We're going to have to get the mad chemists to look into that. Was it the bleach that proved so deadly? The alcohol? Or what?

Who knows? Does even Kyaris know? We certainly don't! All we know is that Day 9 opened on the final, fateful showdown: Kyaris versus Hieronymus, age versus heads. Whoever won would claim the final victory.

It was Kyaris.

Oh, come on! I had a whole speech written about it! I was going to slowly work in the Sherlock Holmes references, and then end it with-

She pushed him down the elevator shaft.

"-which will henceforth be known as the Reichenbach Lift." It was perfect, and you had to go and ruin it.

Yes. Yes I did.

Fine. See if I care. So Kyaris is the winner, good for her. She also shares joint second place in number of kills across the Games with Constance, coming in at five. Third place with four kills is split between Gremlin and Tomash, while the winner, with an astonishing seven kills, is Peregrin.

Trophies for these and other notable achievements will be distributed at the awards ceremony. To those of you who are still baying for our blood: sorry to disappoint, but we will not be attending in person. We're not that stupid.

You say that…

Tune in after the break for the final round of interviews. Thanks for watching!


We all take for granted the weird world we live in - the strange dimensional nature of HQ, the way canon worlds can be both real and fictional, the coexistence of dozens of mutually-exclusive magical systems. But if you've ever found yourself wanting answers to some of the endless questions, or if you've ever wanted to know more about the multiverse, why not subscribe to DAS-JIVE? You can pick up the first volume in the General Store now.

The Journal of Investigating Veracity by Experiment is published by Nutmeg Print, on behalf of DAS. Answers to specific questions mentioned are not guarenteed.


Interviews (Final Days)

District Kaitlyn

District Eagle Hawk

Kyaris: "I won? I won! Ahem, I mean: of course I won. This was all part of the plan all alone.

"Yeah, that's right, Kyaris. Keep up that Intel air of mystery."

District Neshomeh

District PoorCynic

Gremlin: Agent Gremlin was unavailable for comment.

District Scapegrace

District Sergio Turbo

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

District Ixleb

District Comet Junkie

District Grey Tomatoes

Hieronymus: "Ouw, ouw, ouw! I didn’t expect that falling down a holographic elevator shaft hurts so much. Should I blame Sergio, Marina, or Derik for tampering with this thing? Nah, finding out who’s responsible would be too much trouble.

"Congratulations, Kyaris, you got me. Speaking of winning – isn’t D&D a cooperative game? We won all three, creating a wonderful story about a mage, a warrior and a thief going on a great adventure. It involved much less running and falling down elevator shafts than this fracking Hunger Games adventure; I’m not going to do that again. And if you hear me, Androia, don’t ever imply that I may need a fitness trainer. I outlasted Whitney."

Androia (commenting from RC 1953): "Well, that was a surprise. I would never have expected that the old man gets so far. Actually, I had hoped to beat him this time. At least, place thirty is slightly better than last times thirty-four. So – let us party!"

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

"Can we please stop doing this!"

District Silver Cipher

District Desdenskar

Whitney: "What a journey! I am thrilled to have been a part of these games from start to finish, and I am not in any way disappointed that I came in third place. Especially since there were so many people who entered to begin with!

"And to my friends who were hoping or expecting me to be the victor, don't be discouraged. Being the last one standing is by no means easy, and I was fully aware that the other members of the final four were just as experienced and skilled as I was - or better, in the case of Kyaris. I admire her strength and cunning, especially for an Intel member as I've since learned. I wouldn't have expected anything less from her, and I cannot congratulate her enough for her achievement.

"At any rate, it's been a pleasure, everyone. I do hope our many, MANY paths will all cross each other again next season!"


Night 7 Transcript

Kyaris doses herself with pure caffeine to stay awake.

Hieronymus, Gremlin, and Whitney play D&D.


Day 8 Transcript

Whitney fails to discover the HQ Pool.

Kyaris finds the Fountain of Bleepka and drinks deeply.

Hieronymus tries to find his Response Centre, but gets hopelessly lost.

Gremlin receives a medical kit from an unknown sponsor.


Night 8 Transcript

Hieronymus thinks about winning.

Kyaris locks Gremlin and Whitney into a Response Centre and gasses them.


Day 9 Transcript

Kyaris pushes Hieronymus down an elevator shaft.

The winner is Kyaris from District Eagle Hawk!

Kaitlyn

The Canon Librarian

Kaitlyn

Steve Dimond

Luxury

Eagle Hawk

Apollo

Kelly

Selene

Kyaris

Neshomeh

Derik

Gall

Mirrad

Elms

PoorCynic

Gremlin

James Pittman

Rachel Calendar

Holo-Acacia

Scapegrace

Gabrielle

The Notary

Lola McCandless

Alice the Horse

Sergio Turbo

Sergio

Nikki

Keiko

Makes-Things

Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

Marina

Library

Tacitus

Ixleb

Charlotte

Zeb

Michael

Mia

Comet Junkie

Nickul

Ajax

Levy

Ecks

Grey Tomatoes

Androia

Hieronymus

Peregrin

Tomash

Silver Cipher

William Grey

VJ

Hop

Falchion

Desdenskar

Amris

Desdendelle

The Librarian

Whitney


Final Rankings

Kyaris

1st Place

District Eagle Hawk

5 Kills

Hieronymus

2nd Place

District Grey Tomatoes

3 Kills

Whitney

3rd Place

District Desdenskar

3 Kills

Gremlin

4th Place

District PoorCynic

4 Kills

William Grey

5th Place

District Silver Cipher

2 Kills

Ajax

6th Place

District Comet Junkie

3 Kills

Derik

7th Place

District Neshomeh

Nurse Elms

8th Place

District Neshomeh

Luxury

9th Place

District Kaitlyn

1 Kill

Holo-Acacia

10th Place

District PoorCynic

2 Kills

Marina

11th Place

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Lola McCandless

12th Place

District Scapegrace

Hop

13th Place

District Silver Cipher

1 Kill

Peregrin

14th Place

District Grey Tomatoes

7 Kills

Falchion

15th Place

District Silver Cipher

2 Kills

Nikki Cherryflower

16th Place

District Sergio Turbo

The Canon Librarian

17th Place

District Kaitlyn

2 Kills

Sergio

18th Place

District Sergio Turbo

2 Kills

Michael Green

19th Place

District Ixleb

2 Kills

Librarian

20th Place

District Desdenskar

3 Kills

Mia

21st Place

District Ixleb

2 Kills

Apollo

22nd Place

District Eagle Hawk

1 Kill

Nickul

23rd Place

District Comet Junkie

2 Kills

Steve Dimond

24th Place

District Kaitlyn

VJ

25th Place

District Silver Cipher

Levy

26th Place

District Comet Junkie

1 Kill

Zeb

27th Place

District Ixleb

2 Kills

Nurse Mirrad

28th Place

District Neshomeh

Charlotte Webb

29th Place

District Ixleb

1 Kill

Androia

30th Place

District Grey Tomatoes

1 Kill

Library

31st Place

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Decima

32nd Place

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Gall

33rd Place

District Neshomeh

3 Kills

James Pittman

34th Place

District PoorCynic

2 Kills

Gabrielle

35th Place

District Scapegrace

2 Kills

Amris

36th Place

District Desdenskar

Tomash

37th Place

District Grey Tomatoes

4 Kills

Makes-Things

38th Place

District Sergio Turbo

Tacitus

39th Place

District Fear of Hard Fire Turtles

Rachel Calendar

40th Place

District PoorCynic

The Notary

41st Place

District Scapegrace

2 Kills

Kaitlyn

42nd Place

District Kaitlyn

1 Kill

Desdendelle

43rd Place

District Desdenskar

Kelly

44th Place

District Eagle Hawk

Keiko

45th Place

District Sergio Turbo

Alice the Horse

46th Place

District Scapegrace

Ecks

47th Place

District Comet Junkie

Selene

48th Place

District Eagle Hawk

Constance

49th Place

5 Kills

Sarah

50th Place

3 Kills

Alleb

51st Place

2 Kills

Corolla

52nd Place

2 Kills

Gerry

53rd Place

1 Kill

Harris

54th Place

2 Kills

Zee

55th Place

1 Kill

Richard

56th Place

3 Kills

The Tiger Lily

57th Place

2 Kills

Captain Dandy

58th Place

The Aviator

59th Place

Colt

60th Place

1 Kill

Doctor Peep

61st Place

Holo-Jay

62nd Place

Rayner

63rd Place

Ix

64th Place

Morgan

65th Place

1 Kill

Jesse

66th Place

1 Kill

Navare

67th Place

1 Kill

Barid

68th Place

Hip

69th Place

Dafydd

70th Place

July

71st Place

Laura Dukes

72nd Place