3rd period essay notes.csv
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Section:3(A-B) AP United States History
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Student Name
Student Number
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Ammerman, William
9372105
INTRO: Good, but a bit circular THESIS: Good, but point 1 is a purpose and should be an outcome BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Bivona, Nicholas
9304260
INTRO: Watch captialization THESIS: Counteroint needs to be in same form as main points BODY: Topic statements need to tie back to thesis position. LOTS of feact. Pick a FEW facts and make deeper arguments with them.
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Boone, Erin9253712
INTRO: Good THESIS: Counterpoint needs to be in the same form as main points BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Dyson, Walker9243457
INTRO: Good THESIS: Points should be about outcomes, not goals BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence, but this would not have answered the question because of the thesis construction
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Felizarta, Mary Jae Therese
9340012
INTRO: Watch word use, such as correct usage of "infamous" THESIS: Wordy and the counterpoint is a cause instead of an outcome. BODY: Good topic sentences, but make sure they focus on the thesis assertion. Good use of evidence in argument
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Franck, Kathleen
9247443
INTRO: Circular arguments THESIS: Good! BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Gilani, Faryal9282443
INTRO: Good! THESIS: Wordy, pare doen the extra words to make a lean, direct sentence. BODY: Spend equitable amounts of time within each paragraph on each nation you compare. Good topic sentences, but make sure they agree with thesis and don't say causes
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Haselow, Mitchell
9254729
INTRO: brief and thin THESIS: Good! BODY: Good topic sentences. Good evidence provided but not enough analysis
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Humphlett, William
9307729
INTRO: Awkward phrasing THESIS: Good BODY: Topic sentences should tie back to thesis position. Spend equitable amounts of time on each nation you compare
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Joshi, Kishan9250873
INTRO: Brief THESIS: Awkward phrasing but does everything it should BODY: Topic sentences should tie back to thesis position. Decent evidence, but not much analysis
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Kirkpatrick, Broughton
2745765892
INTRO: Too brief THESIS: I don't see one BODY: Doesn't sddress the question. The build up to revolution in English America is not patterns of settlement by European nations. Be sure you are answering the question
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Lawrence, Noa12595381
INTRO: Somewhat repetitive THESIS: Good BODY: Good, but overlong topic sentences. Good use of evidence in argument
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Li, Boyuan5387435543
INTRO: No problems THESIS: Counterpoint not quite accurate, otherwise good BODY: Good topic sentences. Avoid value judgements if that's not the question
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Lyons, Luisa9381457
INTRO: Brief THESIS: Counterpoint and point one need to be outcomes, not causes BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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McBride, Finnegan
12454483
INTRO: Brief and thin THESIS: Awkward phrasing with "three difference" and use of mixed tenses BODY: Good topic sentences, but not enough analysis or argumentation in paragraphs
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Nadimi, Leyla9255192
INTRO: Brief THESIS: Good BODY: Good topic sentences. Good use of evidence and argument
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Needham, Elisa9271179
INTRO:Overbroad opening THESIS: OK, get rid of the "what it is today" phrasing everywhere BODY: Topic sentences for later paragraphs are good, but not for paragraph one. Make sure you are discussing and comparing each european nation in each paragraph.
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Parks, Julia4687244521
INTRO: Longer than necessary but good THESIS: Counterpoint needs to be in same form as main points BODY: Topic sentences are good, as is use of evidence
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Patel, Karishma9331506
INTRO: Good THESIS: Good! BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence for argument!
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Ramsey, Michelle
9255259
INTRO: Too specific, save for body THESIS: Needs to be phrased as argument and more lean, lots of extra words BODY: Likewise, topic sentences need to be more direct.
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Rico, Allison3664628659
INTRO: Good THESIS: Bit wordy, but good BODY: Make sure topic sentences tie to thesis position, if thesis is difference, don't point out similarity in topic sentence. Good use of evidence
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Sabal, Sabina9236819
INTRO: Good! THESIS: Don't use slashes or dashes, also counterpoint needs to be same form as main points BODY: Tie topic sentences back to thesis position. Good use of evidence
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Sciortino, Lauren
9255639
INTRO: Good THESIS: Good as well BODY: Analysis and supporting evidence way too little
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Smalley, Nina9422891
INTRO: Good THESIS: Needed three main points for this essay BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Spotts, Kirk4537295228
INTRO: Good THESIS: Don't see one BODY: Each paragraph needs to compare the different countries, not focus on one country
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Teeter, Nathan1149685
INTRO: Too brief THESIS: No problems BODY: Good topic sentences but evidence and analysis thin
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Thawani, Samit12410317
INTRO: Too brief THESIS: good BODY: Good topic sentences, but analysis of evidence too brief
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Torres, Mikaela12661755
INTRO: Too brief THESIS: Good, but point three needt to be responses to geography, not just locations BODY: Good topic sentences, but far too brief in analysis
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Washabaugh, Chloe
9244290
INTRO: Good THESIS: Great! BODY: Topic sentences need to tie to thesis position. Good use of evidence
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Wilcock, Emma8558569878
INTRO: Too brief THESIS: Good BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Wolstenholme-Britt, Samantha
9250027
INTRO: Good THESIS: Great! BODY: Good topic sentences and analysis of evidence
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York, Zoe6785426375
INTRO: Good, though a bit overlong THESIS: Good BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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Young, Max9252226
INTRO: Good THESIS: Watch that phrasing sets up argument BODY: Good topic sentences and use of evidence
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