Detox/ starting/bio

 want to know what's going on i will not l tell you its hard for me because i’m not an open person its hard for me it really it i can't help but stop and change the subject because i get uncomfortable so this wont work i don't need anything to help me i don’t need to talk to a therapist i don't need anything i’m fine i can work it out myself and myself only i hate the fact that people say that they want to help and stuff but i call bs they dont care they're just nosey  trust me i know and don't tell me otherwise because i know the truth not everyone mean well i know that for a fact. i just haven't been the same since i ve been better lots i just don’t know how to tame.its gets me angry every time just knowing that fact the chances opportunities, i had i'm just not well its unexplainable for me i’m not telling because i dont want to i’m not telling because i 1``cant its hard for me i wish i can be sane again. now i’m just insane...i've just notice i only talk to one person that person i enjoy talking to but knowing me i am just pushing it away saying the wrong things i just can’t i’m anti social i just can't talk to people i force myself all the time just to act normal but i can't do it all the time i get annoyed  i dont talk at all, it gets me soo angry when people ask me what's wrong because i don't know anyone and all of them are fake they're still mentally a kid they're not mature at all and what exactly i said they don't care they're just nosey they just want to be in your business it gets me aggravated because i can see right through people.so obviously what i’m trying to say i decive you and i’m fine i just dont tell just any one my business, feel me?..

but maybe i can tell you something i’m just not sane not as sane as i used to be… its like nothing can be what i just want it to be i am sooo aggravated its soo not a joke like i totally feel like committing its really getting to that point right now i hate everyone with a passion i honestly do  i just feel horrible today i swear if anything else happens i think i might ridiculously lose it  i am up their to the limit if i go max omgg i just feel soo heated and it takes a lot for me to get here i just don't know what to do when this happens people just dont know whats going on and they think they can just tell you oh calm down and stuff like that like omggg

Nov-26-2013/ Suspicious

today went horrible but its whatever i dont show it or tell anyone imma just keep it to myself as always thats not good at all i know it brings depression and stuff like that but whatever i’m just nonchalant or mellow  so i dont carei don't bring my anger out like everyone else in this school to be honest i think this school is like for special education people if i may say so myself because don't you think it's suspicious that this school “ONLY”accept kids/ student that is below the grade that their suppose to be in why only and it seems like there's no sane kids in this school like everyone has a problem like anger issues or like not that they're just got left back or started school late or like something like that but like i really want to transfer to an other school but then again i don't want to because i somewhat may miss the people in my school you know even though i can't stand  them.

Dec-5- 2013

today is whatever, theres like no words to like explain nothing really fun happened my friends got into a fight i feel bad but well things happened you can't be friends with everyone in here but whatever today is whatever i don't really care i feel bad i’m confused  i want to post up my indelible moment  letter up on youth voices but that thing is holding me back i just like having my business up in the world to see but whatever, its like not just that i feel that he might see it and assume it was me talking about him me and stuff .

Dec-9-2013

i’m mad, noisy people i just ugh it gets me angry because not everyone need to know my business and people like to be saying things out loud like if i whispered into your ear what makes you think that its okay to say it out loud like thats just K. i  think i really like him though but its what ever we are going to have his secrets knowing that we are in different schools thats a fact. i just don't like know that i really like him soo much that i turned down six boys this school year for him while hes is going out with girls just because its just like ugh it gets to my head alot its what ever people is telling me that you like me and stuff but i don't believe them i can tell myself but i refuse to believe myself isn't that crazy?.

Dec-11-13

today it was alright i looked really bad , but what ever the whole school saw me already and stuff so what ever , today this morning i was on my way to school like no one understands that every day i wake up at 6:30 like ughh and everyday i come to school late but today the bus was taking

Dec-12-13

so like i brought my Cannon camera butt i left the memory card at home do like tomorrow hopefully i got everything but now i went home right and i was looking for my card and i cant find it thats just great like forreal so like ughh

Dec-16-13

so like today i feel horrible look horrible just everything is horrible like i am soo mad you don't even know like i was already mad before i came to school but its whatever

Dec-16-13

welll today i guess imma get my hair done but that soo K because it like snowing so like i’m going to get my hair wet , but what ever tomorrow is the christmas show  i have to sing and dance but yeah what ever sooo like yeah…. i remember when

Dec-18-13

soooo today is my performance for the christmas show i’m like excited but like scared  butt soo upset because i didnt do my hair ughhh but what ever idc but then again i do so liike ughh

Dec-20

JAN-6-14 Jokester/

wow time go by fast , im sick and tired of everything i feel so bad people just dont understand anything at all. well i gave my crush a hint that i like him yesh sucks i know but like okay i did this trick right it was to be like oh i want you to be honest with me it might make our friendship kinda awkward after this and stuff but ive wanting to say this in awhile  but please answer the question as truthfully and be as honest no matter what question it is okay thats what i said i was joking it was all a joke because i think everyone know i dont have the courage to tell him that i like him okay lol butt then hereplied okay i will i think i know what the questions is but just ask to make sure

then i said do you know the muffin man and if so is he related to the gingerbread man ??? and  then he said dude come on seriously so the mortal of this story is that he thinks i like him he thought that i was really going to tell him that i like him its true i like him but that was just a joke like calm down but i took that and ran with it WORST MISTAKE EVER so obviously he know that i like him so ugh butt im so smart i like to mess with his mind so like i fixed it thank god seriously

Jan-8-14

before i came to school i was watching skateboard videos delistatus is my favorite  skateboarding group

Jan-8-14

today was regular but for the first time i ate lunch but like i ate the salad that they give you on the side it came with chicken and i put chipotle ranch i was hype but anyway mr paul wants me to write a story soo i guess here it is…

it was very breath taking i was to nervous it was my gymnastic tournament  i have been prepared for it these whole

Jan-15-2014

from the looks of it today was pretty cool i was talking to this individual who i think is absolutely stunning who ate my M&M chocolate bar its okay its okay dont worry im not worrying  

Jan-17-14

omg the time the days everything is just going too fast i think im going to explode ugh i need to calm down idk know how anymore i used to but its not working so i had to please forgive me though i dont not understand the

Jan-21-2014

im so upset i feel my headache coming back i don’t like the fact that my brother had a blood transfusion loves is fading away for the one person i ever did love.. i feel happy that i’m getting over him but like i’m not fully over him because i still get excited whenever he texts me and then  

Jan-27-14

im upset as always and im hungry omg buttt omgg idk i dont want to be here like im sick like I HAVE ParVO FOR GOD SAKE  my head is killing me

Jan-30-14 scary moment

well it was so scary Jan 22 2014 my brother was sent to the hospital he had this disease called sickle cell and he had a crisis he hasn't had a crisis in a long time so we was shocked when he did  the crazy thing about it is that we could of lost him i actually could of lost him and it makes me feel so bad because even though it wouldn't be my fault i will still find a way of some sort of problem that i can take upon myself and it kills me each and everyday he have looking so dead so gone so pale it kills me to know that  little souls such as cancer patients,

January-31-2014  /

 im sick so sick just sick and tired i bet you im going to have a nervous breakdown im getting overwhelmed and like omg  i truly think this headache is going to kill me this is the end of this month i feel blah about it but what can i do about it other than go with the flow Yuna is helping me soo much like i love her music i’m just so frustrated i just need to be in my room playing xxyyxx, the xx,Yuna,ndeluv,stwo,paramore,silverstein,bear//face and the weeknd while drinking coffee while the candles are lit thats something very relaxing to me , i just need to chill anxiety is taking over i can feel it i just dont know what to do when things like this happens like i want to go somewhere where there's not stress and you can just relax and not worry about anything but i dont really know if sceneries changes your mindset  

Feb-4-14

today was kind of a rush i got to do my presentation j was so scared because i was rushing to be honest i did it on super bowl night  and i was rushing and the thing is that i did it  at my cousins house ugh i feel bad because i really do my work and i want to get my credit but anyway im in a relationship i am very happy about that but i think i am too happy idk but any way it have been  mounth  

feb-7-14

(we had to do detox on paper first) to be honest i don’t feel comfortable making a detox on paper because i know that its going to be collected but even though i know on the computer they can still it but at least i feel a little more  secure because i don't usually tell stories like everyone else i talk about how i feel and its hard for me because i’m not an open person at all its hard for me like i can tell you something about me but you would never know my personal issues or anything like that because i just don’t feel comfortable talking thats why i write i carry my red book everywhere with me. but i today i am sick i am i feel so anxious i idk why i feel like im going to throw up  

feb-10-14

social networks are getting to everyones head like it could change yourself life your personality your looks and you're feeling like their are actually facebook famous people,twitter famous people tumblr famous people, instagram famous people and now there's vine famous people but like don't get me wrong i somewhat goon them sometimes and stuff but like i don't devote my whole life on social networks like most people

feb-11-14 untold

welll im happy because i finally got my salad im kinda in a good mood today i dont know why though because my crush from elementary school just told me that hes in a relationship but like don't you find it kind of suspicious that i told him i was in a relationship like a couple of days ago and it sound like he was not to happy about it , it seemed like he was mad it made me think  me think because when i told him in a nice way he made a smart comment and i was in shocked because i really wasn't  expecting that feed back and now yesterday he comes and tell me hes in a relationship like whattt i dont get it because when we was the closest friends we would go to each other houses play xbox and stuff at that time we were both single at that time and i remember i played this prank on him i sent him a message and made it seem i was going to him out but i actually asked if he knew the muffin man and he didnt take it as a joke he thought i was serious so like he was like just tell me and quite playing and stuff so im guessing he really wanted me to tell him i like him but that didnt happend nor will it ever so like whatever but as i was saying as soon as iget in to a relationship he gets into one was he like waiting for me or like idk but its kind of suspicious dont you think??

Feb-28-14

im not in a good mood but im not showing it but if anyone bother me or disrespect me they will really see how im not in a bad mood but its like unusual for me to show my anger out people

march-3-14

im soo upset i didnt even know that there was two different shows like what i just have been told that the singing glee club performance is today like omggg

march-4-14

today was soo overwhelming like i broke out crying yesterday and oday yesterday i found out that my brother and my mother was in a car accident and i had a show aswell

march-10-14   ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!

• this weeknd i went to roads to wrestlemania it was sorad like so epic like i actually got to see randy orton , cody rhodes , gold dust the uso brothers and more in the tag team match  and i also saw batista and john cena was together in another tag team match witch my mom loves  in that match john cena was getting defeated but then i guess batista got mad and went in the ring and batista bomb him walked away and left  no one booed him him because we all know that batista is the best and and during the whole show their was this one boy that was sitting behind my mom and he looked like he rather die than be there like when everyone was getting up with excitement he’s just sitting their with his hand on his face somewhat pouting  omgg i thought it was hilarious because its either that hes up and he have no feelings or hes sleeping lolololol that what made me really happy  because that usually me when im at someplace i don't want to be because its either boring or im tired or like i just dont want to be there so i could understand their was one disappointment that i had their because  the people that i really want to see didn't come i really really really wanted to see the shield i love them even though most people don't i love them their three guys who that they say come out of nowhere and just jump the wrestlers and beat them up but i dont really care about that i just love their and they're just gawdjousss like look that them like but i dont like the one in the middle though lololol but yeah i came to see them but the didnt come but everyone else did  whatever me and my mom and my brother are going back july 12 because my mom addiction to batista and my brother wrestling interest and my husband roman reigns

march-12-2014 Old friend

 on way to school i saw an old friend that i haven't saw in like a month or too i don't know why i consider him my friend though lol i meant him in front of the school he liked my friend and my friend was being immature bird soo like he lost interest really fast so like me and my friend kayla was just hanging out with him every time we see him he the same age as kayla he was a bad influence soooooo thats where i come from i taught him from right and wrong because you know for me see someone going down the wrong path it just dosent feel right for me to continue what i'm doing so like because he was sitting their you know smoking and stealing and stuff so whenever he was hungry i would give him like money if he needed im like that with everyone and im fully aware of people taking advantage of me but like i never react to it only because im not the type to come out of my chill like i never know  how to say no when its come to people asking me for stuff because in my head i picture just like me like for example i am independent i dont ask people for annyy thing  

march-13-14

soo at this very moment i was just talking to justin well it turned in to a conversation because first i was on spotify sitting their bothering frayant just sending him

march-17-14

so like this is a everyday thing i get headache and overwhelmed like one day i swear im going to just pass out  

march-18-14 / My Fault  

so yesterday i had a show once again my mom didnt come but you know its okay im not really mad but at least right now yesterday was my third show well second only because my second show i didn't want to be in it because number one i wasn't prepared number two i didn't know it was even on that day and last but not least because i knew my mom wasn't going to come and better yet on that same day my mom and my brother was in a car accident right when i called her to let her know i had a show that day and for her to come pick me up do you know how horrible i felt that day omgg like i can still cry about it till this day but i know their okay now but it hurts still but anyway i understand why my mom didnt come yeah i get but like it still hurts me because like i would want some type of motivation and  support once in a while but i totally and completely understand why she can't come i just feel soo bad for what happened  

April-18-14

isn't it crazy how my last detox was march 18 and its about to be the end of April well not that much happened in April it felt like any month but the only “special” thing about this month was that this was my birthday month April 13 to be exact i dont know it felt like a regular day but just how i wanted it to be

april-30-14

                            Overwhelmed

being overwhelmed is very annoying its gets me flustered alot being overwhelmed for me i cant think straight i catch a bit anger and thats not usually like myself and  people dont understand when where you want to be alone and not talk to anyone like i understand how you want to help and such because you dique “care about me” please they all want to be noisy trust me i know like come on in advisory they always want to know unnecessary things about you that is not needed at all but whatever its just really a headache i get headache everyday seriously no kidding i don't know exactly why  so im just guessing its because of all the runarounds and stress

May-19-2014

i just want to give up everything i lost all hope i really want to be homed school like i made my decision seriously and its crazy how people really think i don't have calm and  sense  like im stupid like im really like all these other kids like they dont know anything they only know what i want them to know and im sick and tired smiling in front of people who is betraying me behind my back its crazy it really is like i swear you would think age define maturity but it really doesn't.  

may-22-14

on facebook and stuff i have a phone for no reason because i dont answer none of their texts none of their calls another the only person ill try to keep up with is frayant but is like ughhh…..

june-4-14 / point of view

i think… idk on my detox paper i just wrote some thing i disliked and stuff but what ever i just got a really bad headache im so scared my mom is setting up a doctors appointment for me and im scared because ive been told that there's a chance i can have a tumour  im so scared if i do how can i explain this to frayant i know that would kill him ugh im not ready for all of this im really not i know how he would always say how if he ever lost me he would die he wouldn't know what to do without me its crazy how strong is our connection is …. i just remembered how my detox is connected to my youthvoices and i know other people see this and probably think i don't know what im saying throughout all of these detoxes but trust me age doesn't define maturity  seriously and alot of people dont understand that all im saying is that im not  stupid  and clueless like a majority of all other kids seriously but im just handling alot to the point i cant even make room for all the fun things i used to do i bairly talk to my friends

thats kinda bad^^^ the date are all messed up i haven't putting un my detox im just falling off of everything , ugh im just tired of people and them judging me you would think the childness stops because you think other poeple are mature based on their age but nooo its totally not true at all i have many conversation in this school and to be honest no one satisfied me like their mind set is just wow i love listen to multiple  different people point of view on stuff but its like alot of people are trying to find their reason of their like like the want todo or like why are they here and people are like smoking weed , drinking and cutting school is what they do and like now Im not going to agree with you but i also not going to disagree you understand where im coming from like maybe this person is say they are cutting school are in progress in dropping out because they feel like its not for them.. okay im going to take it as maybe you feel like school is taking valuable time out of your life because maybe you're about to get a job and you want to support your mom/family or like you want to get in the industry , understandable there's always job court.. im not saying what your decision is , is totally wrong because i can understand why you don't want to go to school though i don’t condone it .. and i know i understand what this person is coming from but that doesnt mean im going to follow that person i am looking forward to finish school and go to college and going to medical school  but to be  honest i could understand school is not the only option to become successful  like most of these  artists in the industry did not graduate , seriously like ms oprah winfrey , lady gaga, etc and have money… all im saying is that people different point of view to you may not make sense to you but to them it does that what they go by in life thats what  they believe dont be close minded no one’s  stupid .

June-23-2014

hii well i know i haven't been writing on my detox but thats only because i wasn't in school i have been in the hospital sadly because on the day of the big trip for the school i fainted says my mom i don't quite remember anything i just remember that i woke up with a bad headache  and i was relaxing watching tv but like she call the ambulance and stuff and so after all of that they made do a EKG or somthing like that and the made me do a ct scan i guess and while i was talking to the doctor she told be its either a complex migraine or symptoms of seizures and stuff it was kind of scary i got my own bed and everything but like they  was like if anything further more  i will have to stay overnight ….but they told me that didn't see anything to concern them yet so they let me go home but finally because i left around 10:15 when i came at 1:30 omgg but im still getting these headache all they told me was that find what triggers my headaches and to try alot of different pain killers and see which one helps me the most and stuff but isnt that kinda dangerous idk but like im very hot i dont take heat well ughhh

October-28-2014

due to the fact that we now have a book to write in i haven't wrote on my documenting detox . however now i’m going to start , starting off with finishing my last entry

so i should be getting my neurologist check anytime now they say it takes three months to get it from then i think its about time now don't you think but anyway i still have my headaches and its unbearable and really annoying i hate when i get them at school because as soon as i get them i can not function  at all so being with that i have to bring the medication and that sucks because like omg i seem like a pill popper  or like a pill addict its like because i remember one of the doctors told me try any meds that helps it and stuff and motrin and excedrin doesn't work by itself so i usually take one motrin and one excedrin  and it works but my mom always say not to cross medication because its dangerous but i try to explain that it really works i have to deal with migrans.

sept-17-2014

what have you did this week that have made you came closer to your dreams?

last week my brother had to go to the hospital , i believe dedicating to the weather his disease “ sickle cell”