Bitterness vs. Forgiveness

                When you fail to forgive those who hurt you, you become a wide – open target for Satan. God commands us to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). You need to obey this command so that Satan can’t take advantage of you (2 Corinthians 2:10 – 11). Christians are to forgive others and show them mercy because our Heavenly Father has shown mercy to us (Luke 6:36). Ask God to bring to your mind the names of those people you need to forgive by praying the following prayer out loud (Remember to let this prayer come from your heart as well as your mouth).

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your great kindness and patience; which has led me to turn from my sins (Romans 2:4). I know I have not always been completely kind, patient and loving toward those who have hurt me. I have had bad thoughts and feelings toward them. I ask You to bring to my mind all the people I need to forgive (Matthew 18:35). I ask You to bring to the surface all my painful memories so I can choose to forgive these people from my heart. I pray this in the precious name of Jesus who has forgiven me and Who will heal me from my hurts. Amen.

On a sheet of paper, make a list of the people who come to your mind. At this point, don’t question whether you need to forgive a certain person or not. If a name comes to your mind, write it down.

Finally, write “myself” at the bottom of the list. Forgiving yourself means accepting God’s cleansing and forgiveness. Also write “thoughts against God.” We sometimes harbor angry thoughts toward God. We can expect or even demand that He act in a certain way in our lives and when He doesn’t do what we want in the way we want, we can get angry. Those feelings can become a wall between us and God, and even though we don’t actually need to forgive Him because He is perfect, we do need to let those feelings go.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. People who want to be able to forget all their pain before they get around to forgiving someone usually find they cannot. God commands us to forgive now. Confusion sometimes arises because Scripture says that God “will remember our sins no more” (Hebrews 10:17). But God knows everything and can’t “forget” as if He had no memory of our sin. His promise is that He will never use our past against us (Psalm 103:10). The key issue is this:  We may not be able to forget our past, but we can be free from it by forgiving others. When we bring up the past and use it against others, we are showing that we have not yet forgiven them (Mark 11:25).

Forgiveness is a choice, a decision of the will. Since God requires us to forgive, it is something we can do. Forgiveness seems hard because it pulls against our sense of what is right and fair. We naturally want revenge for the things we have suffered. But we are told by God never to take our own revenge (Romans 12:19).

You might be thinking, “Why should I let them off the hook?” And that is exactly the problem. As long as you do not forgive, you are still hooked to those who you hurt you. You are still chained to your past. By forgiving, you let them off your hook, but they are not off God’s hook. We must trust Him to deal with the other person justly, fairly and mercifully, something we cannot do.

You say, “But you don’t how much this person hurt me.” But until you let go of your hate and anger, they will continue to be able to hurt you. You finally stop the pain by forgiving them. You forgive for your sake, so that you can be free. Forgiveness is mainly an issue of obedience between you and God. God wants you to be free; this is the only way.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. Forgiveness costs you something. You choose to pay the price for the evil you forgive. But you will live with the consequences whether you want to or not. Your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or in the freedom of forgiveness.

Of course, Jesus took the eternal consequences of all sin upon Himself. God “made Him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21). We need, however, to accept the temporary consequences of what was done to us. But no one truly forgives without suffering the pain of another’s sin. That can seem unfair and we wonder, where is the justice? It is found at the cross which makes forgiveness legally and morally right. As those who crucified Jesus mocked and jeered, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

How do you forgive from your heart? You allow God to bring to the surface the mental agony, emotional pain and feelings of hurt towards those who hurt you. If your forgiveness does not reach down to the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete. Too often we try to bury the pain inside us, making it hard to get in touch with how we really feel. Though we may not know how to or even want to bring our feelings to the surface, God does. Let God bring the pain to the surface so that He can deal with it. This is where God’s gentle healing process begins.

Forgiveness is the decision not to use their offense against them. it is not unusual for us to remember a past, hurtful event and find the anger and hate we felt returning. It is tempting to bring up the issue with the one who hurt us in order to make them feel bad. But we must choose to take that thought of revenge captive to the obedience of Christ, and choose to maintain forgiveness.

This doesn’t mean that you must continue to put up with the future sins of others. God does not tolerate sin and neither should you. Nor should you put yourself in the position of being continually abused and hurt by the sins of others. You need to take a stand against sin while continuing to forgive those who hurt you.

Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Your emotions will begin to heal once you have obeyed God’s command to forgive. Satan will have lost his power over you in that area and God’s healing touch will take over. For now, it is freedom that will be gained, not necessarily a feeling.

As you pray, God may bring to mind painful memories that you had totally forgotten. Let him do this, even if it hurts. God wants you to be free; forgiving these people is the only way. Don’t try to excuse the offender’s behavior, even if it is someone close to you.

Remember, forgiveness is dealing with your own pain and leaving the other person to deal with God. Good feelings wills follow in time. Freeing yourself from the past is the critical issue right now.

Don’t say, “Lord, please help me to forgive.” He is already helping you and will be with you all the way through the process. Don’t say, “Lord, I want to forgive” because that bypasses the hard choice we have to make. Say, “Lord, I forgive.” As you move down your list, stay with each individual until you are sure you have dealt with all the remembered pain, everything the person did that hurt you, and how it made you feel (rejected, unloved, unworthy, dirty, etc.).

It’s time begin. For each person on your list, pray aloud:

Lord, I forgive (name the person) for (say what they did to hurt you, be specific) even though it made me feel (share the painful memories or feelings).

Once you have dealt with every offense that has come to your mind and you have honestly expressed how that person hurt you, then conclude by praying:

Lord, I choose not to hold any of these things against (name) any longer. I thank You for setting me free from the bondage of my bitterness toward him/her. I choose now to ask You to bless (name). In Jesus’ name. Amen.