SCHOOL PLAY
How to recognize the difference between a teacher and a student
Narrator
Teacher
Several students
Narrator: Be careful guys! If you ever enter school, be aware of the inexcusable “faux pas” - I mean- don’t confuse the teacher with the student! To help you with this problem I’ll recommend you this instruction how to see the difference between these two species. During the lesson recognizing the creature called teacher is no problem. He usually stands at the desk and... shouts. I don’t know what is this effort for? It’s obvious that students will be the winners. Why? Because there are much more of them!
It’ s also very easy to find the difference between them at the blackboard. The student is that one who is standing rather doubtfully and is looking so shy! Maybe somebody will mercifully prompt something... Sometimes he takes the chalk but doesn’t write because he’s afraid of making the clean blackboard dirty. He also makes some strange sounds like: yyyyyy… Ohhh, soooooo…. I mean.... etc.
The character called teacher behaves completely different. When he starts writing on the blackboard, he can’t stop. Then he turns to the class and asks a rhetorical question: “do you understand?” It’s better for you to answer :“yeeees!” And then usually the bell rings. But he doesn’t hear it.
Dance of the students (Pink Floyd — We don ‘t need no education)
Narrator: But the real problem with recognizing the teacher occurs during the break. If the teacher doesn’t lecture at least a few pupils, he loses the sense of life. That’s why he moralizes the poor pupils during the break. In the crowd of bodies only the perceptive eye can notice the teacher. Oh! That’s him! This one who tries to walk with dignity (laugh). But knocked down by.... the rush of air -changes the direction to 180 degrees. He very often tiptoes at the wall, trying to defend himself from — nobody knows what...
There’s also one more idea how to recognize the teacher. His height. In the primary school he’s the tallest person. In the secondary — the smallest one. If he hasn’t got the bright makeup, pierced nose, dark nails or green hair... It’s him- the teacher! You traced him! If you follow my instructions, you’ll save your life... Because there’s nothing worse than starting a conversation with the student about boring school, horrible teachers, give him the offer to play truant ....... After that find out that he is the teacher!
Song: (your own melody)
Oh my dear teacher
You’re really my best friend
Oh my dear teacher
Sometimes you are like my brother
You give me bad mark
And I forgive you
Sometimes you shout
And I still love you
I don’t need good mark
I can write it by myself!
8:20 AM (by prof. Scarponi Oct. 19th 2009)
It’ s 8.20 in the morning.
The teacher walks into the classroom.
The students are talking aloud and walking around the room.
T. “Ok. Good morning. Everybody sit down, please! Thank you.
Now let’s see. Are you all here?
Nobody answers. Students go on talking and very slowly sit down.
T. All right. I’ll call the roll. Oh! First of all let me see how many of you were absent yesterday.
Roveti! Where’s your school absences’ book.
R. Here it is.
T. Let’s see. Headache as usual! Silence, please!
Why don’t you send it back? You are only sixteen. Your head is still under warranty. Silence!
Roveti in a conceited manner
R. Too much studying!
T. You must be joking! You can hardly read and write. You ignorant twit!
R. Who! Me? What about my written essay, last week? It was perfect!
T. Yea! Exactly the same words as in your textbook. It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
R. It’ not my fault if the writer of the book has got the same ideas as I have!
T. Oh, yes! He copied from you, didn’t he? Come on. Go back to your desk.
Students sneer at the teacher
Ss. Roveti! The best!
T. Shut up! You plonkers!
A school day at the ITIS Divini .
A teacher (T) is trying to explain some very difficult subject writing on the blackboard and talking slowly.
T. As you can see this is not complicated stuff
T. turns round and realizes the students couldn’t care less about what he was doing. They are just chatting away. He slightly frowns, but goes on with his lesson.
T. If you all kindly follow me, everyone of you could understand this topic perfectly well...
Nobody pays attention to what he is saying. The teacher speaks louder and louder, and the students do the same.
T. Everyone of you could get a "TEN" grade in the next classwork if only you followed my simple line of reasoning, I could repeat and synthesize the whole subject for you!
The T. starts to repeat with frantic efforts, speaking faster...until:
The teacher wonders what the point of his teaching is and abruptly he STOPS talking, gazing upon the blackboard, pushing and crashing the chalk on it. The students are worried because of his silence and interrupt their chats, turning towards him, while an increasing rhythmic guitar start to play and the camera zooms in on the teacher's face completely still and absorbed in thought. The scene of his face fades and a war bombing appears in overprinting, while the music voice plays "have you ever seen the rain...". Now the bombs are big "TWOS" that are squashing the students on the ground. The camera frames the real class for a few seconds, while the guitar rythm fades and there are big twos over the groaning students. We can hear them moaning and wincing. The frame turns again on the teacher, still glazing over but smiling with a sadistic and entranced expression... when the bell rings interrupting the dream.
Now the students are going out of the class chatting and joking. One of them pats the teacher on his shoulders saying:
S1. (smiling, overjoyed) Good bye teacher! see you next time!
Another student greets the teacher in this way:
S2. Hi prof! Are you OK? Don't make me worry!
T. (astonished, with faint-monotonic voice): ...goodbye..
Descrizione
È una mattina come tante, il professore entra in classe e ricorda ai loro studenti che sta per iniziare il tanto "atteso" compito.
Gli studenti come sempre succede iniziano a lamentarsi e ad inventarsi mille scuse per rimandarlo.
Ma il professore questa volta è deciso ; il compito si dovrà fare!!!
Comincia a predisporre i posti per evitare che i ragazzi copino e passa alla distribuzione del compito.
Un'espressione di terrore si nota nei volti dei poveri studenti; il compito è difficilissimo...
Il professore è super attento, scruta ogni ragazzo e subito li riprende se nota dei piccoli cenni fatti al compagno per un aiutino.
E qui avviene il colpo di scena..... ad un certo punto entra Miss Kelly la professoressa di scienze più bella e sexy di tutto l'istituto per parlare di un problema scolastico.
Come può il professore non incantarsi davanti a tanto fascino? impossibile!
Non c'è momento migliore per gli studenti per copiare il compito, fogli che volano suggerimenti a tutto spiano, e il professore rimane talmente "imbambolato" che non si accorge di nulla.
Lo sketch inizia con l'insegnante che entra in classe, controlla nervosamente che ci sono gli studenti senza salutare, poi si volta e mette la testa fuori dall'aula; guarda verso il corridoio, muovendo la testa di scatto a destra e sinistra, quindi attacca il cartello all'esterno:
DO NOT DISTURB
CLASSWORK in PROGRESS
Quindi chiude la porta. Gli studenti sono sorpresi dallo strano comportamento, ma lui ora saluta con espressione soddisfatta:
T. Good morning boys!
Ss. good morning teacher!
T.(sadico) mmm Do you remember what day it is today?
Ss (gnorri): Nooo, we don't!!!
It is the day of the classwork!!! ah ah
e inizia subito a distribuire i compiti.
S all subito, preoccupatissimi: Noo! whyyyyy!
S1 Enrico (contestatore) you didn't tell us!
S2 Agnese, supplichevole: nooooooooooo, put it off till next week.. pleaseeee
S3 Bruno It wasn't officially planned!
S all subito: No! indeed! It wasn't!
Il professore rimane impassibile e continua a distribuire i compiti distanziando gli studenti in posizioni impensabili
T. Henry: GO THERE! you know that's your place.
Enrico va nel banco dell'angoletto, vicino al cestino, dove ha già messo un foglietto con le soluzioni
T. and you, go there!!
Bruno va all'angolo opposto
Ultimi tentativi di impietosimento:
S1 (Enrico). uffffff we are tired!
S2 (Agnese) we are siiick!
T. SHUT UP! it's too late to change!
T. And I won’t be intimidated by you. Bunch of wallies!
Ss. (a malincuore) okaay, okaay...
Inquadratura orologio grande
T.(indica l'orologio e si vede solo il suo dito e l'orologio) from this very moment, shut up and ... do the classwork in silence...
T. (tono più basso e più severo, intimante, crescente) and…I want to hear a pin drop to the floor!!!!
Enrico prova a copiare leggendo il foglio dentro al cestino mentre il prof sopraggiunge silenzioso dalle sue spalle.
Lo fa soprassaltare dicendo:
T. ah ah ah ah what are you doing Henry ???? think you are a fox?
Next time.... GRADE ONE!
Quindi ritira il foglio dal cestino e continua ad aggirarsi guardingo, con le mani dietro la schiena.
Parte il ritmo di pretty woman
I ragazzi simulano gesti di preoccupazione e disperazione mentre il prof non li lascia con lo sguardo camminando tra i banchi, sempre mani dietro la schiena.
Il ritmo aumenta di volume
Finché, ad un certo punto...
(attività svolta il 10 nov. 09, presenti: Gentili, Tifi, Riccardo, Anthony (Thompkins), Alessandro, Enrico, Sara, Cristina (Kelly), Liridon
Segue messa a punto 17 nov. 09 con Gentili, Scarponi, Tifi, Anthony, Riccardo, Mattia (Thompkins), Lorenzo, Anita, Cristina, Sara, Sofia (Kelly) )
Ms Kelly arriva alla porta. Si inquadra solo il passo veloce da dietro-basso, solo polpacci e tacco a spillo (ritmo pretty woman).
Nuovo stacco sulla classe assorta (senza musica)
Altro stacco Continua il passo di Ms Kelly (con ripresa del ritmo). Legge il cartello e fa spallucce
Ha fretta: bussa quasi a sfondare la porta (4 colpi al ritmo dei passi e della musica).
Stop base di pretty woman
subito cambio inquadratura ripetere stesso knok knok knok knok (senza base musicale) ripreso stavolta dall'interno.
Stacco interno sul prof che guarda la porta e dice:
T. "who dares disturb us!"
i ragazzi si agitano di nuovo e lui:
T. Shut up!
e poi grida arrabbiato:
Come in!!!"
Kelly apre la porta e subito dice, senza sorridere, sicura di sé:
K. It's me, mister Thompkins
A fine battuta parte la intro di minnie the moocher
mentre Ms Kelly rivolge lo sguardo sorridente ai ragazzi
(si sentono dire all'unisono
Ss all: "Good mooooorning!!!!")
e l'inquadratura passa al prof, che rimane per due secondi interdetto sforzandosi di assumere un sorriso e cambiare atteggiamento,
Miss Kelly però si rivolge immediatamente ai ragazzi e dice:
K. good Morning.. sorry boys. I’ll steal your teacher for three seconds only! … I promise!
S1. ohhhh! you are very welcome!
S2. Don't worry!
S3 Take it easy!
T. sospendendo momentaneamente il suo sorriso sardonico...Shut up please! Do your job in silence!
T. ooooo Miss Kelly I’m so happy to have you here! ( the teacher is still embarrassed) apprezzamento mellifluo and...mmmm you look great today!
Kelly: ooh, thanks.. it's very kind of you!
Mr. Thompkins è completamente incantato davanti alla professoressa Ms Kelly, che cambia posizione così che Thompkins volga quasi le spalle alla classe, poi gli mostra dei fogli, dopo aver fatto un mezzo occhiolino ad alcuni ragazzi, mostrando di aver capito cosa sta accadendo e di essere loro complice.
(Old Landmark- blues brothers durante lo scopiazzamento generale)
kelly: I hope you forgive my interruption Mr ...
T (sognante): oh...call me Gerald, please!
Kelly: thank you GERALD. Em. You see. Tomorrow I’ve got to do something at home.
You know. It’s very important. ....Could you please stand in for me? The third
Class. At eleven. Only an hour.
T. oh... Yes of course! I will stand in for you... As long as you want me to.
Kelly: Oh. You are a real gentleman!
T. yea. Angel. ...I mean Miss Kelly.
Kelly: nice boys! Group activity?
T: yeaa. ... No bloody hell! Oh I’m sorry... yes... em group activity.. yeees.
Ss: "good bye Miss Angel and have a nice day!"
Ms Kelly (alias Angel) (2° occhiolino e sorrisetto complice) "the same to you, bye bye"
La prof. Kelly esce. Prof. Gerald sudato e teso più che mai con mezzo sorriso.
Stacco con fermo imagine
Riquadro come il titolo iniziale: THE END…
Balletto su Old landmark di TUTTI
History lesson (linguistic misunderstanding and no sense of humour) prof. Scarponi 24-10-09
The teacher is sitting at his desk;
The students are nervously waiting to be tested in history.
T. Ok. Everybody sit down and shut up!
Teacher looking up at names in the class register.
Students nervously waiting to know the name of the unlucky one.
T. Today I’m going to test you orally.
Anne. Oh! That’s nice.
T. I mean, I’m going to test your speaking ability. You Wally!
Anne in a conceited manner
Anne. I know, sir. Just to break up the tension. Sorry!
Aside to her deskmate
He’s got no sense of humour. He’s a right plonker.
T. Now! Smith, tell me when they built the Colosseum and who did it.
Smith. Sorry, sir. I couldn’t... You know... yesterday I.....
T. How could you! Stupid sod. It was started under the emperor Vespasian and
was completed in 80 AD........
Smith. Of course! I only meant that yesterday I was absent, and that I couldn’t study
at home because I had a terrible cold. Sir!!!
T. Oh, all right! Forget about it.
Students sneer at the teacher
Ss. Very bad students, nowadays, sir. Not even able to build “a Colosseum”!
T. Shut up! everybody!