July 19, 2007

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The Entitlement Epidemic:
Who's Really to Blame?
July 19, 2007; Page D1

Why do so many young people today have an inflated sense of entitlement? And who's to blame?

The list of suspects is long, and includes the state of California, Burger King, FedEx, MTV -- and parents, especially parents.

I compiled the list this month, after more than 1,000 psychologists, educators and observant readers contacted me in response to my recent column headlined "Blame It on Mr. Rogers¹." That column included a premise some found too provocative: Did TV icon Fred Rogers contribute to our entitlement epidemic by telling children they were "special"?

Many readers appreciated the arguments. But others felt the column was unfair to target Mr. Rogers, who was such a positive influence. I hadn't expected that column to be taken so literally, and I should have articulated the fact that Mr. Rogers also encouraged hard work and mutual respect. It's not his fault if others now misinterpret the "special" language he popularized.

The truth is, our entitlement problem has many roots:

Susan Lewis, who teaches at University of Maryland Eastern Shore, calls the cellphone "the world's longest umbilical cord." At her school, when students don't like their grades, some come up after class, hand over their cellphones and say, "My mom wants to talk to you."

Psychologist David Walsh says entitled parents and kids suffer from DDD -- "discipline deficit disorder" -- with symptoms such as impatience and inflated expectations. His book "No: Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It" has led to a movement in his home state. Minnesota Say Yes to No is a coalition of parents and educators working to counteract the culture of "more, fast, easy and fun."

ONLINE TODAY

 

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• Act One: Twentysomethings tell Emily Meehan³ that their peers exhibit "spoiled" traits, leaving some as disappointed as their elders.

• Vote: Who's more narcissistic? Twentysomethings or their parents⁴

Some colleges are also combating young people's sense of entitlement. At Loyola University Chicago's Graduate School of Business, Mary Burns teaches a course modeled after her book "Entitled to What? A Reality Check for the Generation Entering Corporate America."

FedEx began as a service for packages that "absolutely, positively" have to get there overnight. The slogan helped cement the idea that everyone is entitled to instant gratification, argues Jonathan Spira, CEO of Basex Inc., a business research firm.

Yes, it's important for kids to like themselves. But many readers long for some balance. One California woman wrote that her grandchildren are being raised on "self-esteem babble." This year, her grandson wanted to play trumpet in the school talent show, but hardly practiced. Every note he played was wrong, yet he thought he was "awesome."

At the show, so many acts were horrible, though the kids seemed proud, the grandmother wrote. "One child had real talent, but my grandchildren couldn't see past their own self-absorption to even recognize it."

There are remedies, if adults are willing to model good behavior. Syd Corbett, a teacher in Ocala, Fla., says he keeps reminding students: "Self-esteem comes from the self doing something worthy of esteem."