SCRIPTS

By Jason Preu

     FADE IN:

     INT. JASON PREU’S HEAD AWASH IN RAINBOW COLORS – THE BRAINBOW

JED and HANK EARL each pop into view. JED wears overalls and HANK EARL 

does too. HANK EARL holds a moonshine jug.

                                JED

Howdy, folks! Do y’ins wanna read summa jdoublep’s scripts?

                                HANK EARL

Aw hell, Jed. People ain’t got time to READ scripts…that’s why

 the good Lord invented tellyvision.

        JED sighs. HANK EARL takes a swig.

                                JED

                           (tapping on the screen)

Wait just a minute now! They ain’t got time to read? Then 

what in tarnation are they doing clicking the gall-darned 

link that gottum here in the first place?!

                                HANK EARL

Why hell, Jed. Why do any uv us click on links? (He pauses 

while Jed thinks.) You dumb summabitch. They’re looking 

for porn.

                                JED

                               (cautiously looking down and out towards the 

viewer’s lap)

                    Um, Hank, no they ain’t.

JED and HANK EARL both look at each other, shout YEEHAW!, then jump up 

and click their heels together.

                                JED

  HoooEEEE! Have we got scripts for you, you ol’ summbitches!

                                HANK EARL

We shore do! First up is a script that in Oct of 2003 won 

the audience (IFC) prize at the KC Screenwriters’ Short 

Screenplay Competition 2. It’s called Night of the Mullets! 

and if you can find a spookier screenplay out thar I’ll be 

hogswallered.

        JED and HANK EARL grab their bellies and give great guffaws. 

                                JED

Up next is a real doozey of a script. I’m sure you’ve 

all read Ulysses by Jimmy Joyce.

                               HANK EARL

                       Hell, who ain’t read that ol’ rag?

                               JED

Beats me, Hank. I’m just-a checkin’ to make sure we’re 

all on the same page here. Anyway, the next script we’ve 

got for y’ins is an adaptation to comic book script of 

Ulysses’ third chapter, sometimes called, Proteus. It’s 

a tough ‘un to get through, but I guaran-damn-tee that 

if you do you’ll be itchin’ for more.