"It looks like someone was murdered in here."
"Someone was...me."
"It also smells like the monkey cage at the zoo. Jesus, what did you guys do in here?"
My bedroom looked like a bomb went off in it. There were sheets, pillows, CDs, various bottles of various liquids, and clothes everywhere.
"We fucked a lot." I said with a Mona Lisa smile.
"No shit." She seemed really pissed off
"Actually, we made love."
"Barf. And not possible. Let's get out of this room and go. It's really bad in here, dude," she said waving her hand in front of her nose.
Sara had come over to go out to a late lunch with me. Amanda had left about two hours before Sara got there. I had to grab my wallet out of the room before we split. She followed me in and I was beginning to regret the fact that she did.
"Why isn't it possible?" I asked.
"Because you barely know each other."
"We talked about that last night. We pretty much knew right away that first night at Lyle's that we loved each other. I told her I loved her last night. At first I thought I made a huge mistake-"
"-you did-"
"-but then she said it too. She fucking loves me dude."
"Mark...she doesn't love you. She does this all the time-"
"-really? With what guys?"
"Guys she meets. I know her better than you do."
"I wasn't aware we were competing. Does she fuck every guy she meets?"
"No, but a couple."
"Does she tell every guy she meets she loves them?"
"She tells a lot of people that. "
"Guys?"
"I don't know. I do know that she likes to get close...quick."
"Since she has been with Gary?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Here's what happens, Mark...she'll find a guy she digs and...she's smart...really fucking smart...so she figures out the different ways to get him to like her. She's really empathetic that way. She's actually quite manipulative and I'm not sure if she knows it but I suspect she does. It's a real charge for her because there is no doubt that with her looks, sense of humor, personality and charm she is in complete fucking control of the situation. The accent is the killer. It's honest too because the ways she finds...with the guys and the things they like...she likes those things too. Even if she doesn't she is a wonderfully curious person who will always try anything once. So she plays up that part of her personality to get close with a guy...get that intimate commonality...to make her feel better and distract her from whatever bullshit is going on in her life. All of this is done in a very passive aggressive sort of way so the guy-in this case you-can't really tell it's happening because she seems so perfect...because she really is perfect. They are whisked away in the dream. And they all fall for her...hard."
"They all? Doesn't everyone do those things? I think I have done all of them. You do it all the time. I get turned on by people who have a lot in common with me and all of us search for companionship to make ourselves feel better."
"Yeah, but look, my point is that both of you are way too impulsive. For you...in this situation...that's OK. She IS your dream girl, man. You are so fucking intense and into her you will carry this all the way.  For her, it's not OK. First of all, she has a fucking boyfriend dude."
"I'm not sure he is going to be around much longer."
"They've been together a long time. That's a hard bond to break. Who knows what might happen if shit gets bad? She can be all over the place. And she's done this before."
"With guys as mega as me?"
"Okay, first of all. It's time to retire the word 'mega'"
"Why?"
"You say it all the time. I'm so sick of it."
"Yeah, but I got it from Liam."
"I don't care who you got it from...it's sooo played."
"Well, now I'm going to say it at least five times whenever we are hanging out."
"Then we aren't going to hang out anymore."
"Ok. That's a crock of shit. I'm not retiring it. I like saying it."
Look #1 followed by a classic Mark and Sara stare down that lasted at least a minute.
"Are you going to answer my question?" I asked, "has Amanda-?"
"Yeah I remember it," she said curtly, still mega (!) irritated with me. "No, not with guys as...as...fuck you! Now I can't get that stupid word out of my head now!"
I laughed. She went on.
"Listen though..I know her. And, more importantly, I know you. She dabbles and plays with depth because she loves the rush but she doesn't stay as far down as you do. She can't. She fools herself into thinking she can and she wants to but she then gets scared. Then some not so good things happen. I have seen her get downright hostile towards some men she gets close to. Look at how she talks about Gary. She's going to fuck you around and be all over the place...emotionally...because that's how she is....it's what she does. This closeness that you have right now is fleeting. She's going to back away. Then, when you are all serious, intense, and ready to do what...well...what we all want and dream about...she'll find someone else...someone new and fun...and then you will be fucked. "
"I doubt it. Sara, you would not believe the way she looks at me...the things she has said to me. Nobody just says those things."
"I'm sure she did mean those things...at the time. Then suddenly she won't anymore. She's there and not there, remember? She is in the moment. What she says or means today, or last night, she might not mean tomorrow."
"Sara, look. What you say may be true but if I am ever given the choice of the comfort of boredom or the insanity of lust, I will choose the latter every single day of the week and twice on Sunday...or in this case it was four times on Saturday."
"You came four fucking times?"
"Uh...yeah."
"At your age?"
"Blessed with a high libido. Plus, dude, it's Amanda. She's British, is a brunette and has a big butt...the three B's. My balls always have some more for her. Always. I have a rage...a torrent of feeling for her that feeds my sexual energy and powers it with the intensity of one thousand suns."
"God, you are so fucked. I've picked you up when you have been bad and those bitches weren't even a quarter of what Amanda is...this is going to be bad."
"Why do you always have to look at the down side of everything?"
"I'm just being realistic...and honest."
My phone buzzed with a text. It was from Amanda.
"I miss you already. And my vag is still sore...miss that cock of yours:)"
"Care to retract those words?" I showed Sara the text.
"It still doesn't mean anything," she frowned reading the text, "and eew..."
"What should I text her back?"

"I don't know."

"It has to be something really...impressive...superior."

"Of course it does."

"Something cool though too. What should I say? C'mon, Sara, help me out."
"Gee, I forgot the web address for Teen Dating in the New Millennium so I guess you're fucked."
"Ooo! I got it!" I said, essentially ignoring Sara's sarcasm. I typed in some words.
"What do you think?" I showed Sara.
"Fucking gay," she lamented.
"Then I'm sending it for sure now." I sent it feeling rebellious and mildly pissed off at Sara.
"Love you, Miss You, Need You...to be dirty."
"Alright, can we go?" Sara asked sounding impatient, "between you and Mel I am just about at my limit."
"What's going on with Mel? I saw that she called me and left me two voice mails early this morning but I haven't listened to them yet."
"She and Gene got into a fight. It happened right after you left the party last night."
"Bummer."
"Yeah, and she pretty much will not shut up about it...going on and on about the drama of her and Gene. It's driving me and Leni nuts."
"Well, how very comforting of you." My phone buzzed again. Another text from Amanda.
"OK, I need to change my underpants. Hey, not sore anymore:)"
I showed Sara the text.
"Didn't she just leave her a couple of hours ago?"
"Yeah."
"You guys are nauseating."
"It's love baby." I texted Amanda back
"Underpants? Not panties?"
"No, it isn't love, Mark. She is going to leave you high and dry." I got a text back immediately.
"Loathe the word panties. Love you, love me:)
I showed Sara the text.
"Love baby"
"Ok...Now, I really want to go. Let's go!" she said raising her voice slightly.
I typed a quick text back to Amanda.
"Now I have to figure out a way to say panties at least twelve times the next time I see you."
"Where do you want to go...Mor-Timers?" I asked Sara with cheesy grin. My phone went off again.
"Fuck you," she stated plainly with just a hint of a smile, "and will you stop with the texting? It's driving me nuts."
Text was from Amanda, natch. God, I was loving it.
"You soddin' won't. I'll just spend all of our evenings together forcing you to watch Premier League."

"Are we actually walking out the door?" Sara asked, "Or do you need to wack off to more texts?"
"Just one more quick one."
"Alright you win. No talk of PANTIES. Love you love me."
I turned off my phone so we wouldn't be disturbed anymore. I could always text Amanda later when I got home. We left the house to walk down to Mortimer's.

"So what is going on with Gene and Mel?"

"Drama. Same old drama. Mel thinks that Gene is cheating on her. You know how her mind is."

"Yeah, actually I do. It's just like mine."

"No shit. Loads of paranoia and melodrama."

"It's funny you say that seeing as how you are one of the most dramatic people I know...especially when it comes to men."

"I am not."

"Who called me up crying two months ago because Todd wouldn't call you?"

Silence.

"And who is now bored with Todd and yet still keeps sticking her ass up in the air for him?"

"That's not his favorite position."
"No, but it's yours."

Silence with slight smile.

"Further, who called me up at 3 in the morning...the night before I met my Brit baby-"

"-yawn, I'm bored-"

"-sobbing about how she was never going to meet a man to settle down with, which by the way, is so NOT you."

"What does that mean?"

"You don't strike me as the settling down type."

Look #2. Shit. I was really stepping in it now. I was feeling pretty full of myself after having my balls fully drained by the goddess so I opted to go for the stand firm route.

"Sara, seriously. What kind of a man do you want? The ones that would be the best for you are terribly boring to you. You might fuck them a few times but they sicken you after awhile. The d bags have a certain sheen for a little longer than that but you are too smart for their bullshit and you tire of them as well. Then there are the band guys...the ones like James."

"What about James?" she turned and looked at me as we were walking. Her face took on a more fiery appearance. It always got that way when the founder and leader of the Jimmy James Band was discussed. I usually got drowsy and slowly began to nod off whenever he was discussed. In addition to having the local band stigma, his music was terrifically dull. It was music to drink light beer by and I am surprised that he hadn't been snapped up by one of the major brewers to hawk their bile. As long as it wasn't Mich Golden Light (the only bearable light beer), that was cool with me.

"Dude, think about it. Let's say you become his g friend. Or better his wife. And then you have kids with him..your dream right?"

She looked away from me and out at the street.

"So...what...you are going to stay home with the kids while he plays a show 2 out of every 3 nights?"

"They could come to the bar with me.'

"Kids...babies?"

"Well, when they get older."

"But what about in the meantime? He is going to be out at bars and clubs, being worshiped by middle aged light beer drinkers-"

"-fuck off-"

"-and you will be at home playing house? That is soooo not you. You are a fucking rock star. You should be walking the red fucking carpet, man. I don't think you have really thought about this dream of yours and thus, my point about you being inclined to melodrama, mind leaps, and fantasy just as much as anyone else is vaild."

She gave me the finger.

"Look, all I'm saying is give Mel a break. You know how much of a dick in the mouth Gene is...this is a tough time for her. He probably is fucking someone else and we need to be there for her to support her."

"Maybe we can have drum circle and sing Kum Bye Fucking Yah with her in the middle."

"Wow. What is up your ass today?" I said as we walked into the bar. I held the door for her and she walked through. She turned around when we got in and gave me Look #2 again.

"I'll tell you what's the matter with me, mister," she half yelled as she pointed to a table for us to sit down at, "you left my party last night without saying goodbye. And why? Because Amanda wasn't all retarded for you like the other times you hung out which proves MY point that when she starts messing with your head, you are going to lose it. Hell, she's already messin' with your head. You're my best fucking friend and you left my party without even the manners of thanking me!"

I should've at least said goodbye to her and Mel. Of course, Sara was switching the subjects to re-direct from the sore point I hit. She was a dreamer, just like me and Mel, and just as dramatic, if not more so, as anyone. And she was just as addicted to the craziness of love. She too would get all loony for some guy. I'd seen her pretty bad too. She was right, though. I was a dick that night.
"I-I'm sorry dude," I said sort of lowering my head,"You're right. It was damn shitty of me to walk out on you and Mel like that."
"You got that right."
"I just can't help it. This is what happens to me when I find a chick I really dig. It happens with you and guys, y'know. You have to admit...it is uncanny how similar Amanda and I are."
"Yes, there have been a few moments."
"And then the whole thing with my mom and the Tulips....and then her favorite flowers are Tulips."
"Yes, yes...you have told me this a hundred times. It's not that big of a deal."
"It is a big deal...to me. A slice of empathy anyone? Alright, here's what I don't get. How can someone be so cynical about love with everyone else and yet be desperately searching for it in her own life?"
Silence. I went on.
"Think about it. OK, so you have this dream about being James' wife...and having kids...that's the wish you have. How would you feel if I shat all over it?"
"You did."
"No, I asked some tough...real questions. You sounded all catty and jealous when I told you about Amanda."
"Mark, I'm not jealous. I don't want to fuck you. You and I...we would never work out as a couple-"
"-no doubt-"
"-and I was just pointing out obvious questions too," she said looking a little hurt at how quick I agreed with her, "I just do it in a more honest way."
"A meaner way."
"Call it whatever you like. This whole thing with you and Amanda is going to end badly."
"How the fuck do you know? You're not a seer."
"I just know."
"I think you're pissed because all of the focus is not on you anymore."
Look #2.
"Sara, you know it's true. So, you and I don't work out that way. So what? It certainly wasn't for my lack of trying."
"Are we going to get any service here? I could really use a drink," she asked now clearly and thoroughly sick of the conversation. Her phone buzzed.
"Oh, great. Mel again. More whining about Gene. I'm not going to answer it."
I was stunned.
"Sara, Mel is a good friend of yours. You have known her how long?"
"Six years."
"And you're screening her calls because you don't want to 'deal with her?'"
"Mark, Gene is all I've heard about from her. While you were busy getting your rocks off, Mel was having a fucking breakdown. We talked all night. She slept over. She woke up this morning talking about it. She called me and we talked on the phone for awhile before I came here. She reads and re-reads texts to me to prove...I don't know what she wants to prove. She is seriously wigging about all of this. I need a break from it."
"No, there is no break if you are a true friend. You listen. You support her. You do whatever she asks." My phone went off. It was Mel. "Like this." I answered it.
"Hey, Mel...what's up? Sorry I didn't call you back yet today. I had a busy night..er morning. How are you?"
"I'm...not doing real well. Gene and I had a fight. He won't talk to me."
"I'm eating with Sara right now...do you want to hang out later and have a beer? You can spill your guts to me."
"I'm going over to my mom's tonight. How about tomorrow?"
"Call me or text me and I'll be there."
"Thanks, hon. Love you."
"Love you too." I hung up the phone and looked at Sara. "See? Now was that all that hard?"
"Well, I guess you're just a fucking saint then. Saint Mark..."
I pointed to my chest. "Heart powered by Amanda."
Sara shook her head in mock disgust. We spent the rest of the lunch talking about some new bands we liked and what her plans were for the week. I didn't want to bring up the subject of Amanda or Mel again. We weren't getting anywhere so what was the point? When I got back to my place, I checked my phone. There was one text...from Amanda...that she had sent earlier.
"I'm going to squeeze instead of tickle your bollocks next time!"
I opted not to text back. Maybe seem a little mysterious...distant. It wasn't quite my style but maybe doing something different...not being so in your face...might be a good thing in the long run. I started to get paranoid about Sara's prophecy. Could she be right? I looked at Amanda's last text again. "Next time?" Mega. There was no way Sara was right.
The next day I was laying in my bed, after having just woken up in the late AM.  I heard a weird noise from the living room by the front door. I got up and went out to check it out. I didn't notice anything odd and then I looked over at the door. There was another note! I went over and opened it up. It said,
What we see and what we think are two different illusions. One big dream where each and every person creates their own hell.
Wow. This was some heavy shit. Who is writing this stuff? It certainly was true for me. The things I actually see get into my head and go whirring off in a crazy direction...they become illusions. This would be the one central issue in my own personality that I would like to correct. A big dream creating a private hell...mega. That I could relate to. Who the fuck was this mystery writer? Man, I wished it was Amanda. I knew it wasn't though and I sort of felt let down.
My daze was broken by the sound of rumbling around upstairs. I realized that my intrepid roommate and owner of the house I lived in had returned. I threw some clothes on and walked outside. The stairs to the upper level of the house were in the back. I was just about to walk up them when my best friend of 20 plus years, Will Bentham, came out the back door.
"Hey," he said.
"You're back. How was the dig?"
"It sucked. It rained a lot and we didn't anything done."
"Bummer. Holy Crap, when was the last time I saw you?"
"Early September. Hold the fort down here ok?"
"Oh yeah."
"How's Sara?"
"Good. Her usual self." I was thinking about how much of a crank she was yesterday and I'm sure I made a face.
"Looks like it," he laughed, noticing my face, "and Mel?"
"Not so good."
"Gene being an asshole again?"
"Yeah, they had a big fight on Friday night. I'm going to hang out with her later today and see how she is doing."
"Anything else exciting happen while I was gone?"
"Um..well, I met this friend of Sara's...Amanda...she's from England."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah..." My face must have gone off into a retarded daze because Will started laughing.
"Holy shit...dude...brown chicken, brown cow?"
I chuckled. Will came up with "brown chicken, brown cow" years ago when we were in college. If you don't quite get what it means, say the words out loud and think of 70s porn music...you know...bow-chicka bow wow...brown chicken brown cow. Will was always coming up with shit like that...him and his anthropological mind.
"That would be an understatement," I said as I helped him unload stuff out of his truck and into the upper level of the house.
"When?"
"Last Friday night..er...Saturday morning."
"She's British, right?"
"Yeah."
"What are her teeth like?"
"They're fine. You're not going to start in with your teeth thing again. What is it with you and teeth?"
"Well, it's pretty common knowledge that British people aren't the best with dental hygiene."
"Isn't that kind of prejudiced?"
"No, it's just a fact. They don't have good oral hygiene."
"It still sounds bad, though, dude. Like not very PC."
"Yeah, and you're fucking PC. All that porn talk." He proceeded to imitate me...badly like Sara. "'Oh...oh...her ass would look so good with my cock in it!' Besides, the teeth thing was the big joke in Austin Powers."
"I didn't think it was very funny."
"That's because you are ultra sensitive when it comes to anything British."
"Only because the whole country is so fucking mega."
"So what does she look like? Oh wait...let me guess...brunette..?
"Yes..."
"...and a big butt?"
"Yes, not big...just rounder."
"And British?"
"Yeah, originally from Wales but has lived all over the Holy Land."
"Holy crap...you're dream girl. You are so fucked. Wow...this could get...interesting. What does Sara think?"
"Mmm...she's being a rag. And she thinks I am so fucked too."
"No shit. It's just because you and Sara are so retarded for each other."
"Yeah, that's never going to happen...especially now. She doesn't get how I feel about Amanda."
"She knows exactly how you feel. She is you."
"No, Amanda is me."
"Well, I haven't met her yet so I can't judge but Sara and you are exactly the same."
"How do you mean?"
"For starters...and I still can't believe this...you both talk like drunken sailors."
"Is there any other way to talk?"
"Sometimes when I hang out with you guys I feel like taking a shower afterwards. You're both so graphic. I just can't believe you talk that way in front of women."
"Okay...Ms. Manners Church Lady. What the fuck? You talk that way around me all the time."
"Yeah, that's you, though. I have known you forever. I never talk that way around anyone else."
"You should. It's very liberating. They're just words, dude."
"Words that aren't appropriate in every day society. You can't talk like that."
"Who says? The word police?"
"I'm just saying our culture doesn't allow certain taboos and you should respect that."
"Great. Here we go again. The anthropologist's angle. Maybe we should talk about how the Pyramids of Giza were actually landing strips for UFOs carrying ancient astronauts."
"Fuck you."
"You started it."
"Hey, let's finish getting this shit unpacked and you can make me a ham sandwich, bitch. There is something special about a Mark Ward ham sandwich and I'm so hungry for one I could eat the ass end of dead rhino."
"See? Didn't that feel good?"
"It's you, though, dude."
"Yeah, I know...whatever. Lunch is cool and then I have to meet Mel for a beer later."
I caught up with Will on his various adventures over the last couple of months over the home made sandwich, checked out some new bands online, and then went to meet Mel for a beer at 7pm. We decided on the Green Mill on Hennepin in case we got hungry for spinach and garlic pizza. I got there right at 7pm and Mel was already there. She was scrolling through her Blackberry.
"Look at this," she said as I sat down at the table, "look what Gene just texted me."
"I love you, baby, but I just need a little space and time to figure things out."
"Space? He wants space? He's fucking someone else. I know it," she said in an agitated tone.
"How do you know that?"
"I see him with all of his girls at the gigs...Mr Italian Stallion.." Gene's last name was Chelizi.
"I wouldn't exactly call him that. He's Italian but that doesn't make him Stallone or Pacino. He's kind of geek."
"I bet its that skank Wendy who is always at all of the shows. Blonds are all dicks."
"Ok, dude. You need to chill out. Your mind is flying off like it always does. Mine does the same thing. You don't have any information so you fill in the gaps with paranoid delusions about things that are probably not true."
"Look at this text from him yesterday." She shoved her blackberry in my face.
"You are the light of my life. I hate fighting."
"See?" she said pulling back the Blackberry, "I do matter to him."
"But Mel, why on earth are you letting him define you? Believe me, I know what I am talking about. I do the same thing. You have to listen to me. Stop letting his emotional inconsistencies dictate your balance. I fall into that trap with women all the time."
"I know. I know what I am doing to myself but I just can't help it. And I just can't shake the feeling that he is fucking someone else."
"So what if he is? Whoever it is, she's nowhere near as cool as you."
"You got that right. Fuck. This sucks. I can't stop thinking about him."
"Well, you have to try or you are going to drive yourself nuts. You always get like this when you are not on tour." Mel was in between gigs at the time.
"Yeah, I just...why is he acting so distant?"
"How long has it been since you had sex with him?" I asked.
"About a month..maybe two."
"Two months? Jesus.."
"I know. This is why I am saying he is fucking someone else."
"Either that or he is really lazy."
"Well, he's that too."
"What kind of a man can look at you and go without sex for two months?"
"Ooo..I love you. Thanks I needed that."
"Well, it's true. Have you...like tried to fuck him...and he turns you down?"
"Yep. Pretty much every time. I used to think it was the booze and pot but now.."
"What the fuck is the matter with men these days?"
"I think Gary and Amanda haven't fucked in a long time too."
I really wanted to talk about Amanda and how men, for whatever bizarre reason, were not putting out these days but I knew this was Mel's time. Over the years, I have learned to be a better listener and keep the focus off of me, even though I have the urge to talk about myself and my problems all the time. I looked at Mel and turned my energy towards her.
"Dude, give yourself a break. You have been with him for almost three years. This is tough stuff."
"Thank you. Finally, someone who is at least a little sympathetic. No one else is..."
"Sara?"
"And Leni...she especially...she's just so cold about all of this," Mel said quietly and somewhat sadly.
"That's because she is cunt rag."
"Whoa.."
"Yeah, I know...the C word. I can't help it, though. She is one. Even Sara is being a bitch."
"What do you mean?"
I thought about the time I told Mel about the comment Sara had made about her tummy roll and how pissed Sara was at me.
"Ah...well...you know... Sara is Sara."
"What did she say to you? She said something to you, didn't she?"
"She was over yesterday and in a...mood because of what happened with me and Amanda."
"You and Amanda? Something happened with you and Amanda? Wait, first tell me what she said about me."
"She told me that you were upset about Gene and she really didn't know how to help you."
"Oh, that's crap. That is NOT what she said."
"Dude, last time I shared stuff, I got my ass reamed. You girls all share stuff with me and it's implied that I keep it a secret. Now I've got Amanda telling me stuff-"
"-what did she tell you-?"
"-nothing about you-"
"-about Sara-?"
"-dude, you're killing me here. I'm not saying anything. Look at how much trouble I have gotten into in the past with my big ass mouth. Seriously, I can't stand the way all you girls talk about each other through me. I mean, it's mega because I feel like a loved confidant but then...Mr. Fixer Boy attempts to use his super powers to try to get everyone to play nice and then I end up with a curling iron up my ass...while it is still plugged in!"
"Dude, we know how you are...you just want everyone to play nice in the sandbox and that's why we love you. Now, dish. What did Sara say about me?"
"No, sorry. It is not happening."
"Fine...ok, subject change...for the moment. What happened with you and Amanda?"
I smiled and took a sip of my beer.
"Brown Chicken, Brown Cow?" she asked raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, you stole that from Will?"
"Who cares? It's so funny...so did you guys...?"
"Holy mother fucking shit dude. It was the best sex I have had in years. Crap, who am I kidding...ever! Mama gave out the extra good sugar that night and I treated her like a plastic fuck doll-"
"-love it." she said laughing.
"She loved it...that I treated her like a plastic fuck doll. The last time we did it-"
"-how many times did you fuck?"
"Four times. I came four times in the space of like eight hours."
"Four times? And at your age..."
"Sara said the same thing. Fuck off," I said in a playful way.
"Wow. That is stunning. So what happened that last time you did it?"
"Oh, it was amazing. She is such a cock whore-"
"-we all are honey-"
"-really?"
"Yep. Fuck me like a porn star...that's what I want," she said with a super fucking hot look in her face.
"Wow."
"Yep...bend me over the desk, with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, and fuck me like the cock whore that I am!"
"A cigarette? Man, I'm actually getting turned on right now."
"And I'll let them fucking video it if they want."
"Now I have wood."
"Mark...remember...we are never going to fuck...probably never...continue on with your story" If you recall, Mel was a Cateogry #3 chick. I went on.
"So the last time...she's puts on 'I Want You' by Marvin Gaye-"
"-perfect and way better than 'Let's Get It On'-"
"-I know. Then she asks me what one of my fantasies is about her and that she will do it...whatever it is. I tell her that she already did one."
"Which was"
"Sticking her ass in my face and playing with her clit."
"Hot."
"Fuck she has the best ass!." My mind trailed for a moment in thought of that...thing. Yum. Mel was smiling at me because she knew exactly what I was thinking about. "So then I tell her that I want her to get on all fours...which she does...and then I tell her to suck my cock that way. So I move up to her mouth and she starts sucking my dick...and I'm looking at that sweet ass of hers sticking up in the air...reaching my hand back and playing with it a little bit...spreading it apart you know...running my finger up and down the crack...
"...now I'm getting turned on."
"I know! So then I tell her that if she really wants me to fuck her she has to suck it better...like she really NEEDS it...needs me to fuck her...so she does...then I tell her...I order her-"
"-nice-"
"-to do it better...she does...then I  tell her it still has to be better-"
"-tease! Love it..."
"-like she needs it super fucking bad and I tell her she has to show me how bad she needs it with her mouth...so then she shows me...it's real clear that she now needs it really fucking bad in her pussy so I move behind her and fuck her. She goes absolutely ape shit...screaming in pleasure...her ass is moving all over my cock. Then I stop after a bit and go back to her mouth. She whines that she wants me to fuck her again. I tell her that she has to suck my cock really fucking good this time or I won't fuck her. She goes back to town on it with her mouth. So, basically, I spend the next twenty minutes or so going back and forth between her mouth and pussy. It was just like in a porn. We both came like...insane fucking crazy coming. We both loved it. Holy Crap, does she like to be ordered around."
"See? I told you. Fuck me like a porn star...and the real men do," she said pointing and putting her finger on my chest.
"It was amazing. The whole night-er morning-was amazing."
"So what does this mean?"
"Well, we told each other that we loved each other."
"Wow."
"Now, I guess I'm sort of insecure about it after talking to Sara."
"What did she say?"
"That Amanda is manipulative-"
"-hah! That's pretty fucking hilarious coming from her-"
"-yeah, I know. She told me about the various men that Amanda has been with over the years and how she jerks them around-"
"-I don't think there have been that many. And she has been with Gary awhile."
"Yeah, I know. I guess I need to take what Sara says with a grain of salt. The problem is that she really plays into my insecurities about all of this. I mean, Amanda is so fucking mega...so perfect for me...it's like a dream. Maybe I'm not looking at all of this realistically. What if she is going to jerk me around?"
"First of all, you shouldn't. Love is not realistic. Look at me right now. I am about as anti realistic as you can get. I'm searching for meaning from someone-Gene-who has never figured themselves out. It's like you said. Don't let Amanda define you. You define you. Sara is right, though, you need to be practical but not a cynical and miserable crank like she is."
"Wow. I don't think she is that bad."
"She is. Trust me."
"Miserable, though?"
"I've known her longer than you and she hates in others what she fears in herself. That's why she is so mean and cruel at times. She says she is just being honest but it's actually that she sees things in other people that she doesn't like about herself. So, she lashes out at "herself" in others. And she shows me more of that side than you. "
"Yeah, wow. That's true. I guess I always knew that but couldn't really put it together. That's why she treats people the way she does...so mean"
"We all do it. Amanda does it too. Amanda...I can only guess what she said about Sara...but Amanda and Sara are a lot alike, although our resident Brit would never admit it."
"Hmm.."
"The fact that she and Sara are so alike probably pisses her off from time to time. We hate in others what we fear in ourselves. Amanda is a lot like Sara, particularly with men. But hey..that's probably why you are so attracted to Amanda. She is very strong willed person just like Sara. Very open. Very in your face. And yet she has other qualities...highly magnetic traits...that draw someone like you in even more. Amanda is ultra magnetic on a number of levels."
"Sara said she was manipulative. I guess I just don't see that."
"We all are, honey. People do what they have to do when they need to have something or do something with someone. That's fucking human."
"Yeah...I suppose..what you said before...about Sara showing more of that side to you...why do you suppose that is?"
"Because you are a man."
"So?"
"Dude, no matter how much female you have in your personality, and God love you for it, you are straight and you have a penis. If you were gay...well...there is something special about the straight woman-gay man relationship. But you are not gay. You have a penis and you have thought about fucking Sara. Hell, you have even talked about it with her, right?"
"Oh, yeah. Lots of times."
"Right. See, the penis...the straight penis...prevents women from taking that extra step of intimacy with a man. It's the whole "fucking" thing that gets in the way. Much of what Sara says is inspired by the simple fact that she has chronic dissatisfaction with men. She'll yearn for someone and then when she gets him, she grows bored of him quickly."
"I told her yesterday that she does that."
"Sure. Most people do. You, however, do not. You are one of those rare, special ones that goes all the fucking way. That's quality, man."
"You sound like Amanda."
"I know. I love my girl. But here's my point, though. Regardless of what Sara says, you need to fucking take this as far as you can...as far as it will go. I'm not sure what Amanda will do and Sara might be right about a few things...or all of it even...but you at least have to try."
"What if it doesn't work out and I get all...as Sara would say...totally fucked?"
"Then it happens. People learn more about themselves when they are fucked in the head. Seriously, you have to go for it."
"Why?"
"Because I have seen the way you both look at each other. That is some fucking rare shit, man. People spend their whole lives trying to find that and they NEVER fucking do. You have to seize this moment and play it out for whatever twists and turns it takes. This thing between the two of you...it could last forever. It has that potential."
"Wow. So you're saying that-"
"Go in full force."
"Hmm?"
"You heard me. Go in full force. Give her every fucking bit of Mark there is and let her deal with it. At the end of the day, at least you can say you were honest."
"Mel...seriously, you are amazing. I love you."
"Love you to, sweetie."
Mel's words reverberated through my mind for the rest of the week. My work got busy so I didn't spend too much time thinking about Amanda. And I spent a lot of time talking to Mel on the phone. Gene stopped texting her and returning her calls. She became more and more despondent. She started to hear more innuendo about Gene and Wendy and the not knowing was driving her nuts. I couldn't blame her. I hate that part of a break up. Your mind just flies off in different directions. You imagine someone else fucking your love the way you did and it really sucks.
Of course, they don't really fuck them the way you did...people do different things in bed...but that's part of the problem. What if this new shag does something really mega that you never did? Mel and I were always so insecure that way. It wasn't like I lacked personal confidence...I have always been able to tap pretty much any ass I wanted...it was just that when you meet one of the mega ones and they melt into you in...THAT way...well...you just want them to stay there for fucking ever. And you turn a blind eye to all their faults imagining only the best possible times and none of the bad ones like not having sex for two months because they might possibly be fucking someone else. Crimentely. That's where Mel was at and she needed help.
I decided to get everyone together and take Mel out for drinks. For some bizarre reason, she wanted to go to the Independent. I couldn't figure it out. She said something about confronting demons there. I assume she meant the night she gave Gene a blow job in the bathroom, which is why I thought she wouldn't want to go. It was weird but we all decided on Saturday at 10pm...the Independent.
I didn't talk to Amanda all that much that week. A few texts and one quick call about the Kooks show which was the next Friday. She was really busy with work and mentioned something to me about the new restaurant opening up in Chicago and how that was really ramping up. When we talked on the phone she seemed distant...hurried...which made me wonder if Sara's shit was going to come true. She would always follow it up with an especially filthy text, though, so then I felt better. But still, it was a little schizo which made me wonder if it was typical chick shit or something more. Right before I was going to head out to the bar, I got a text from her.
"Can't make it tonight, hon. Getting slammed at work. Give Mel hugs for me."
Fuck! That was a major bummer. I hadn't seen her in a week and was really looking forward to falling into those loving arms. Crap, it sucked. And now what should I text her back? I didn't want to sound like a girl whose prom date just canceled, which is basically what I felt like. After careful thought, I opted for nonchalance.
"Bummer. We'll have a few in your honor."
That was cool. That was a good text. It didn't reveal how disappointed I was. I grabbed my winter coat-first time wearing it that season-and headed out. I decided to walk as it wasn't that far and then I wouldn't have to worry about drinking too much which I knew I was going to do. When I was three blocks away from the club, I got at text from Sara.
"Are you going to get here soon?"
I didn't bother to text her back. I was almost there. When I got in, I could see that she why she texted me. She was the only one there. A rock star can't be by themselves and be seen. It just simply isn't done.
"Tell me a story, Mr. Ward," she smiled at me.
"I don't know if I have a story but I do have a line for you."
"What's the line?"
"True love fits and folds nicely."
"Gosh, let me rack my brain and see if I know who that is about," she said sarcastically, " 'Manda's not coming by the way. She just texted me."
"Yeah, she texted me a half hour ago."
Sara gave me Look #1.
"So, I win," I said giving her the same look back. We did our usual stare down for about ten seconds and then both cracked up.
"Oh, I am so glad we can do this," I chuckled, my laughter dying down.
"Me, too...aha!" she exclaimed as a server came by and put a drink in front of me.
"What? You ordered me a drink?"
"I knew you would be here soon...I could feel it...and so I thought you would like to have one waiting for you."
"What is it?"
"Well, I thought you might be feeling supersonic and need a gin and tonic." She had this sort of look on her face that was basically saying I know I was kind of a dick last week so I am going to try to look at the bright side of you and Amanda.
"Adorable. But gin makes a man mean."
"Yeah, you should be a little mean tonight."
"Why?"
"Because it is good for you."
I took a look around the bar...just to check things out...and immediately saw a sight that made me pissed off without the gin. Off in a corner were about ten dudes with stupid ass baseball caps on, yellow legal pads and....laptops open doing fantasy football stats. Sara noticed me staring at them and cracked a slight smile.
"Aw...what the fuck?" I asked in a very loud voice.
"Settle down," she said. "I think they are just about to leave." Sara must have seen them earlier and knew this rant was coming. She had heard it  before.
"It's Saturday night, for crying out loud."
"Yeah, Saturday is before Sunday. They are probably doing their lineups or whatever."
"Fantasy football is so fucking lame. God, I fucking hate it! Don't these d bags have wives whose pussies they should be eating and clits they should be fingering? Good lord..."
"Steady Hawkeye..." Sara stole that line from me.
"No, seriously," I said taking a big gulp of my gin and tonic, "why do they do it?"
"Why does it bother you so much?"
"Because it's Saturday night. They should be taking their women out and showing them a good time."
"Maybe their women are fat, ugly whores," Sara said flatly taking a sip of her drink.
"It doesn't matter. They should still try. God, men are dicks-"
"-said the only man in history with a vagina-"
"-you will never catch me doing something lame like playing fantasy football...with their gay ass stats and 'Oooo my best starter just got injured so now I'm going to squirt in my shorts for the next week' garbage," I let out a Bronx cheer. "They probably all sweat when they eat."
"Jesus, you haven't even drank that yet and you are already mean."
"Look at that guy." I pointed to an exceptionally large fantasy footballer. "You know who he is?"
"Who"
"He's Joey Bag A' Donuts."
"Now that is funny!" Sara said laughing.
"His breasts are bigger than yours."
"Everyone's are bigger than mine. I need to get a boob job," Sara said rolling her eyes and looking slightly forelorn.
"Get the fuck out of here."
"I'm serious. As soon as I get my bonus check from the restaurant, I'm doing it."
"Who cares about breasts? You have a great ass. That's all that matters."
"You don't care about breasts but most men do. And I care. It's going to be for me, not anyone else."
I felt someone moving behind me and turned around to see that Leni had arrived. Super. Now the par-tay was ready to begin. She shot me a look and and sat down next to Sara. I hadn't talked to her since Sara's birthday and I'm sure she was still pissed at me and the parting comment I made to her. I didn't care.
"Sara," I said in a stern voice, "this discussion is not over."
"What discussion?" Leni asked.
"About how I need a boob job," Sara replied.
"You do. Your breasts are too small."
"No they're not," I said with beaucoup irritation. "What is the matter with you?"
"Mark, it's true. You're not a woman...as much as you act like one...this is how society is," Leni said with her Joan Crawford face. Just then I got a text on my phone. It was from Amanda.
"Are you having a few in my honor?"
I texted her back.
"Oh yeah."
Sara and Leni looked at me for a moment, slightly put off by my texting which was funny because they fucking did it all the time in front of me, and then started quietly whispering and griping about Mel.
Then I...just had this urge to text something dirty to the goddess. Amanda just brought out this side of me that said 'Go for it'...like...all the time. I loved that side. If that side was an ass or vagina, I would fuck that thing until my dick was raw. Mel was right. Go in full force. I texted her two simple words with a big fat smile on my face.
"Your ass."
I looked over at Sara and Leni, anxiously awaiting Amanda's response.
"Who are you texting?" Sara asked.
Since I was still smiling, she knew right away. She turned back to Leni with no expression on her face. My phone went off. Amanda!
"Your cock."
Mega. Holy Mega. Fuck, did I love her even more in that moment. She was right there with me. Sara noticed me getting real happy.
"What is she saying?"
"Dirty stuff. Wanna see?"
"No-"
"-whatever dude. Now what to say back..."
"I'm sure it will have to be something superior," she said with sarcastic emphasis on the last word.
It didn't take me long to think of something. The power of infinite Amanda was inspiring me. I texted her back.
"I think those two folks should get together sometime."
Within about 10 seconds I got a text back.
"Now I need to slip into the loo and...:)"
I was about to text her back when Mel showed up not looking well at all. I put my phone away because I wanted to focus on her. She sat down at the table and we all looked at her. She didn't say anything for about ten seconds. Then...
"Gene and I just broke up."
"Crap. Hon, I'm so sorry. How are you doing?" I asked and went over to her side of the table to give her a hug. Strangely, Sara and Leni just stayed in their seats.
"Gene's a dick. Let's get drunk," Sara finally offered and started fiddling with her phone. Leni didn't say anything but seemed to have a lot of scrutiny for her nails.
"I don't know if I feel like drinking," Mel said in a very slow voice. I pulled my chair over to her side of the table and sort of patted her on the back a little.
"What do you want to do?" I asked.
"I just want to figure out what happened. What did I do? I know he still loves me. I just-"
"-well, what you need to just do is get over him," Leni said in very snitty way. She got out her phone as well and checked it for texts.
"Leni, c'mon...really? It's not that easy to do that sometimes. Mel and Gene were together for three years."
Leni did not look up from her phone to acknowledge what I was saying. She looked bored.
"I don't know if talking about it this much helps," Sara said still looking at her phone.
"Maybe...I just need to get stuff out and I just feel like crap," Mel said sort of sniffling.
"Melissa Lynn, you do or say whatever you need to...if you want to talk...talk...if you don't, don't," I said.
"I need a drink," Leni stated in a tone that plainly told that she was, in fact, bored. She put her phone away, got up and left the table. It was so loving and supportive....not.
"Do you want to come with me and smoke in the smoking room?" Mel asked looking at me.
"Sure," I replied.
"I'm staying here," Sara said putting away her phone and looking around the bar.
Mel and I walked into the smoking room which was basically an outdoor, non heated room in the back and off to the side of the club. We sat down at a table.
"I just don't get it," she said started to sniffle more and lit up a cigarette, "what did I do?"
"Nothing hon."
"Yeah, it had to be something. I ask my friends and all they do is tell me he's a dick or don't say anything. Why don't they just-"
She started to tear up.
"-just a little.."
She started to cry. I have always been monumentally touched by a person who is comfortable enough to cry in front of me. Crying is a very intimate and highly personal moment. If someone is sharing this with you, it must be cherished. Sara had cried several times in front of me and this was the first time Mel did. As I watched her let it all out, my love for her grew. She felt close enough to me to do that and it was an amazing, albeit sad, thing to see. There is always a hint of hope with a good cry, though. It's a release of deep sadness that nearly always concludes with the person who is doing the weeping feeling much better.
The worst, though, is when you feel like crying and you can't. I've had that happen a few times in my life and it is terrible. Every time I have felt that way it has been because of a break up. It's just this hole...a big fucking hole...and nothing can fill it up except the person who has left you. You think to yourself how a good cry would make you feel better and it probably would. But you can't. You're a climber who never reaches the peak of the mountain...eternally frustrated for never being able to experience that comforting release. The reason for this is that you know...you just fucking know...that even if that person came back to you, it wouldn't be the same. So you remain in frozen agony until you reach a certain point where you just need to cry. Mel was finally at that point. I got up and went over to her side of the table.
"C'mere, sweetie."
I hugged her and she just fell into my shoulder. She was really sobbing now. Her cigarette was dangling out just near the ash tray...her arm extended all the way and shaking. Her other arm was wrapped around me and her head was in my chest. Three years is a long time to be with someone. Regardless of the issues her and Gene had, that was a big deal. Sara's words from earlier in the week came into my head as I was comforting Mel. Gary and Amanda had been together for even longer than that...four years. Was she going to tell him what happened with us? Would she break up with him and be with me? Or would she leave me high and dry as Sara had said?
I quickly put those thoughts out of my head and turned my attention back on Mel.
"Hon, let's put out your cigarette."
"No," she sniffled, "I want to keep smoking it."
"OK."
She stayed on my shoulder for awhile and brought her hand up to take a few drags of smoke every once in awhile. I didn't say anything. When she was ready to talk, she would.
"What is wrong with me?" she asked after a time.
"Nothing. You're wonderful and porn star hot."
"I just can't figure it out," she said quietly, managing a smile.
"You shouldn't try to and it's not you, by they way, which I know is what you are thinking. Did you find out anything about him and Wendy?"
"Not really. Everyone related to the band kind of looks at me like they feel sorry for me so I pretty much know it is happening," she related as she wiped her nose and mouth.
"Fuck, that sucks."
"What is it about me? Is it because of my job? Am I gone too much?"
"No. Not your job. Mel, I know it sucks to think about this now but look at how this could be an opportunity. You could take your career to the next level...go out with bigger bands....bigger tours....really make a name for yourself. You are going to end up the winner in this situation, even though it might not seem like that now, because you are going to move on to bigger and better things. Gene is not going to. And you are going to be meet a whole variety of people that are going to change your life for the better. Really, though, I think part of the issue is that you are a helper."
"Mmm...what do you mean?"
"You like to help people. Let's take a look at your job since it was just brought up. You help rock stars. The very definition of your career is to assist. That is one of the reasons why you chose to do what you do."
"That and I am a fucking rock goddess," she said with a nice smile that was good to see.
"All too true. But see...that is an extension of your personality. You seek out people who need help. Gene is one of those people."
"No shit. That fucker needs a lot of help."
"Right, he's the 'patient' and you are the helper. Helpers like to seek out patients and patients seek out helpers. It usually always starts with the helper seeing great potential in the patient and deluding themselves into believing that they can help them realize that potential. Worse, the helpers fall in love with that potential because it is mostly everything they have been looking for and often times become deadly addicted to it. Helpers never realize that it is the potential not the reality that they love....the potential being something with which they think they can help. Nine times out of ten it never fucking happens."
Mel was just staring at me paying very close attention. I went on.
"Helpers have great and large expectations and the patients always fall short which turns into frustrating disappointment. The helper sees all the things the patient could be and then watches them, like a massive train wreck, make the same mistakes over and over again. Many times when the helper, tired of the lack of progress, calls them on it, the patient wants to move on. Taking any sort of criticism is like fucking kryptonite for a patient. They just can't help themselves or don't want to and why should they when they can always find someone to do it for them?"
"You're right," Mel said quietly.
"Patients will always find someone to help them and then they move on. Then the helpers are left with no one to help which is really fucking sad. It is most often the case that helpers can't help themselves either. You were just starting to get to the real tough stuff with Gene so....and I'm just saying this is possible because I don't know anything....he moved on to another helper. And now you can't figure out how to help yourself because you have been so focused on him...well...you have forgotten what makes you happy."
"The only thing Wendy ever helped herself to is getting fucked up and high all the time."
"Which is also another problem of patients...they want to escape....like from an asylum. They always do."
"What's Sara then?" she asked.

"Neither."

"Really? Such a person exists?"

"Well, my theory isn't exact science yet. She's too strong willed to be a patient. The simple pleasures in life are too simple for her...as they are with me....which is why I love her so much. And she's not a helper because she's such a crank a lot of the time. Maybe she wants to be one but can't figure out how to be a helper. At the end of the day...all of us...helpers, patients, and those who don't really know or are stuck in the middle...we all illustrate the totality of unhappiness. "

"Profound and very sad. That really sucks, Mark."

"Yeah, I know."

"And Leni?"

"She's a patient all right but the worst fucking kind. She just wants to find some idiot who will follow her around like a puppy dog, buy her shit, and treat like the queen she has massively deluded herself into thinking she is."

"I wonder what Amanda is," Mel said lighting up another smoke.

"I guess I am going to find out. She sure seems to help Gary out a lot so that would lead me to believe that she is a helper. And she helped drained my balls to the size of mother fucking raisins last week so..."

"You are hilarious. And thank you for making me feel better."

"I'll always be there, honey."

I heard the door to the smoking room open up behind me and turned around to see Sara come out.

"How long are guys going to stay out here? And here's another gin and tonic for you Mark."

"Thanks and um...as long as Mel wants to," I replied. Sara walked over to the table we were at and sat down.

"Look, sweetie...um....I'm sorry that you feel I've been mean, that is never my intention. But I give the honesty that I expect and respect from all those that I am close to. Gene is a dick. You shouldn't be with him and I just being honest. I will never bullshit my way through any kind of fake relationship, romantic or friend-wise," Sara said, looking over at me on the last two words which I basically took to mean that is why she had been so direct with me about Amanda.

"I know," Mel said reaching out her hand which Sara took.

"Good. Let's get back inside," Sara said quickly, "Mark, why don't you put some tunes on the jukebox. I think Midnight Blue by Lou Gramm would be perfect for Mel right now."

"What do you think, Mel?" I asked, "are you ready to go back in?"

"Sure. Let's get some drinks," she replied.

We all walked back in and I made it a point to check my wallet for ones. I had a bunch of them for the download jukebox. I wanted to put that song on for Mel to cheer her up. Sara really seemed to be acting uncharacteristically sensitive so I wanted to make sure that song was up first. I knew it must have been a mega cool song if Sara wanted to play it. I found it right away and put it on first. Then I put on some songs by John and went back to the table. Mel and Sara were there drinking. Leni was still up at the bar talking to a girl I didn't recognize but she looked like a real bitch.

As I sat down, Midnight Blue came on over the speakers. When the song came to the first chorus, I realized what a giant piece of crap I had put on for everyone to hear in the bar.

"Why the fuck did I put this song on?"

"What do you mean?" asked Sara.

"This song is super fucking retarded. Why would this cheer Mel up? It's that bad 80s song."

"Yeah..and?"

"But I-"

Mel and Sara both looked at me.

"Holy shit, Mark Ward. Did you think this was a serious song...that I was being serious?" Sara asked desperately trying not to laugh.

"No, I-"

"You fucking did...Mr. Music Genius. You did not know what this song was. We hate this song. It's the cheesiest ever...but I knew the cheese would cheer her up."

"Well, I didn't recognize the title right away. I mean, I knew it...I did know the song."

"Excuses, excuses."

"And I was trying to make sure Mel was ok. I was more focused on her."

"I call bullshit too," Mel said, "I saw that look on your face. You were determined to "heal" me with the power of music and thought that Sara had suggested some ultra deep and mega emo shoe gazer. You did not know what you were playing. You did NOT know the song."

"I...I..."

Mel and Sara both pointed at me and started laughing.

"And you think you know everything about music," Sara said shaking her head. Part of me was slightly irritated. But I saw Mel laughing so I knew the song and my momentary lapse into idiocy cheered her up. I realized then that Sara might be cold sometimes but she had known Mel longer than I did and what would cheer her up. That was pretty fucking mega, man.

After the song ended, my John tunes started. Leni came back from the bar and sat down.

"Are we off the subject of Gene?" she asked turning to Mel.

"Yeah, I think I need a break from that," Mel said.

"Good," Leni replied curtly and then turned her head up listening to the stereo. "What is this music?"

"Uh...it's John Lennon."

"Hmmph. I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about him. His music is just average. I mean, what did he really do? A bunch of drugs is all. He was just another 60s druggie."

As soon as Leni said 'big deal' Sara had grabbed my arm because I started to get up. By the time she had finished her sentence, I wanted to find the nearest shovel and pound Leni's fucking face in.

"Mark...do not-" Sara had a worried look on her face. Mel turned to Leni with what was quite possibly the most puzzled look on her face that I have ever seen on anyone.

"Leni, what are you talking about? It's the Beatles. That is just a ridiculous and very wrong thing to say," Mel wondered with irritated curiosity.

My teeth were clenching in my mouth and my face was turning red.

"You really need to shut the fuck up right now," I said, staring at Leni and not blinking. I took another big sip of my gin and tonic.

"I should've have listened to you," Sara said, still holding my arm, "gin does make man mean."

Leni started to say something.

"Don't-" Mel said, hushing her up.

Leni and I both stared at each other for about thirty seconds. Mel and Sara didn't say anything. They kept looking back and forth between the two of us to see if some serious shit was going to start. I broke the silence.

"John Lennon," I said in a quiet tone, "in addition to writing the best pop songs of all time was an advocate for peace in a time of great turmoil in this country and the world. In fact, he was such a powerful voice in the early 1970s that the FBI had him followed and his phones tapped. He rallied millions of people to change. Our world is a little bit less of what it could be without him in it and that makes me profoundly sad every single fucking day since the day he was murdered."

Leni looked at me for just a few seconds with no emotion whatsoever on her face.

"I'm going to go hang out with my friends at the bar." She got up and left.

Mel, Sara, and I sat there not saying a word for what seemed like a million years sipping our drinks. I finally blew out a deep breath and told myself to calm down. And took another sip of the gin and tonic.

"Well, this turned out to be a fun night," Sara said, breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry, hon. I shouldn't have-" I apologized.

"No, that's ok, Mark. I don't get what is up her ass half the time anyway."

"What she should have up there is a giant cock. Maybe she'd feel better about herself and the world in general," I replied.

"Anal sex is not the end all and be all of everything, Mark," Mel said shaking her head.

"It's not? Fuck...that sucks," I fake lamented.

"I never want to get fucked in the ass," Mel said, "Suppose I get into it and do it a bunch of times. Then I'll be walking around the mall one day and poop is just going to fall out of my ass. I won't be able to shit properly anymore."

"That's not going to happen, dude," I said, "It feels really good."

"Would you like to have a cock in your ass?" Mel asked.

"I'm not gay so no. But gay guys have told me that they can come without themselves or anyone else touching their cock if they are getting fucked in the butt."

"Yeah, but that's because men have prostates," Sara offered.

"But women have a bunch of nerve endings there as well. The women I have fucked in the ass...and many other ones who I haven't fucked...have told me their orgasms were super intense."

"I had a couple of good ones with anal but it really depends on the cock size," Sara said

"I would think smaller is better," I said.

"Definitely."

"Exit only," Mel stated flatly, "and even that is sometimes tough."

"Well, in your case, Mel, I totally understand."

Sara turned to Mel and started to talk about some stuff that had happened at the restaurant. I sipped my gin and tonic looking around the bar. Going out with the girls was always special. It was a pretty rare fucking thing to have women like Sara, Melissa Lynn, and now Amanda. Fuck, I wished she could have made it. My mind drifted to the Kooks show which was a week away. I started to get a little nervous. Our first show together. The first time the two things that really turned me on.....music and Amanda...were going to be happening at once. At the time, I had no idea how incredible the night would be.

My phone buzzed with a text. It was Amanda. Fuck, did that woman just know every time I was thinking about her?

"Home, la' and fully knackered. But I do know what I am wearing to the Kooks."

"Moist...tender...panties."
"Bugger off."
"You should know...just for future reference...that if you tell me about things that irritate you, I will say or do them on a regular and consistent basis."
"Ya...I gathered that," she said gazing towards the ceiling quickly in a pretend miffed way.
"Panties..I can understand why you don't like that word...that sounds really girlie...silly even. Of course underpants isn't much better. Are you 8 years old and is your name Johnny?"
"I like underpants. It's more of a proper word than panties."
"Well, if we are going proper then shouldn't we go with the word knickers?"
"Ehm...no. That reminds me of school girl antics. Although I do trot out the word occasionally as the situation warrants it."
"Moist...what's wrong with moist?"
"I dunno. It just sounds bad. I don't like the way the letters sound together. Sounds like a horror show."
"And tender?," I asked, "What's wrong with that word?"
"It's just a bollocks word. It's wimpy...weak. Who's tender? Not me for fuck's sake."
"You were pretty tender with my balls two weeks ago."
"Mmm," she smiled back at me at that fond memory. Amanda and I were at dinner at Pizza Luce...the best pizza in the Twin Cities. It's very important to have a good base of food before you go to a show. Some people don't like to eat before they see a band but I love having three pieces of great pizza (as they always have at Luce) and at least three glasses of red wine before a show. A good cheeseburger and fries will also do. The food gives me the energy. The red wine is also a must. It creates a certain euphoria that makes the show more interesting. Then I usually switch to beer once I get to the show for buzz maintenance. The Kooks were playing at the Fine Line which was just around the corner from Luce so it was a convenient choice.
"Bril...again!" she cried.
"I know. It's like they know we are here." I could barely contain myself. The night was starting out absolutely perfectly.
"I believe they do." she smiled a lingering one with her gaze fixed right on me.
Amanda was commenting on how the tunes at Luce were consistently songs that we both loved. Earlier we heard Arctic Monkeys and Kaiser Chiefs. The Verve's "Lucky Man" had just came on. It was like someone created the play list just for us.
"I love Richard," she said all dreamy eyed, "I love him so much. I wish I could thank him personally and kiss him everyday for filling my heart and mind up with his music."
I still couldn't get over how fucking stunning Amanda looked. The Union Jack T Shirt was so fucking mega. Her tits looked amazing. Her jeans were nice and tight. They really made her ass look great. She bent over to pick up a menu she accidentally knocked over when we first got there and I could see the top third of her butt crack as well as a quick black blur of what had to be the Secret. I love jeans like that. Ass cleavage is the new boob cleavage after all.
And I know I've talked a lot about Amanda's smile but I honestly feel like I haven't said enough. It's the kind of smile that should go on a tour to all the impoverished areas of the world and just be there for all the hungry children. Fuck food...all they need is that smile to make everything alright. I know it's seriously cheezoid (and quite possibly offensive) to think this way but it's simply true. That fucking thing would brighten even the darkest corners of humanity and make everyone believe they could be anyone or do anything. Or do anyone and be anything. It always made me feel that way.
It was fun to be out with her on an actual date with her. Every time she took a drink of red wine I got hard just about everywhere. She just looked so gorgeous drinking it. Her eyes just sort of rolled in that lazy, sexy way and then I could tell that the wine was swirling around on that mega tongue of hers...the tongue that was going to be in my mouth while I was fucking her later. It's strange the little things you remember weeks after fucking someone. For me, of course, there was always the usual stuff...the ass...the way they looked when they came...how they looked sucking my cock. But the memory that kept coming back into my head about Amanda was how hot it was to have her tongue in my mouth when my cock was inside of her. It was just...a lot of things...wet things....inside of other wet things...such a turn on. There was so much stuff like this that made me crazy about her. And every time I was turned on, I became inspired. The sexual energy I had would usually spill over into other thoughts...feelings...and produce, more often that not, words that I did not know I was capable of saying.
"We will make the myths that will be told in a quiet room over martinis in the future," I said, half shocked that I could actually think and say something like that.
"OK. You are going to have to take me back to your place for a shag before the show. Where do you come up with-?"
"It's you, baby...all you. And Jim Morrison...the myths thing. I meet someone like you and I know-I fucking know-that you and I could make the myths...we have that potential...myths that lovers will tell for generations about what it means to love someone deeply...so perfectly...so erotically...so wonderfully...it's just you...you bring it out in me." I took another sip of red wine.
"What do you mean?" she asked, squirming in her chair a little bit and giving me the 'I want to show daddy my ass in the way he needs to see it' look.
"You bring something out of me. I don't know...it's amazing. I have never felt this way about anyone."
She just kept smiling at me not saying a word. She didn't have to so I just kept going.
"It's this part of me that I thought was resting...or dead. That dreamy part of me that has yearned for a woman like you but has had to settle for less than what I want...which is truly fucking heartbreaking."
She raised her right hand sharply in the air and said, "Greetings, sir and welcome to my life."
"Yeah, that's just it. You know exactly what I am talking about. You get it...you get it in that way."
"But it's not just me, though," she said turning quite serious.
"What do you mean?"
"It's us...Mark. It's the combination of us that makes....that. Don't forget that you are part of the equation as well. The things you have said to me...the way you look at me..."
"...I know..." I smiled back at her smiling face.
"You are such...ehm...a big part of what has been way too long in coming." She had the Thank You story face again. I couldn't resist.
"OK...that," I said pointing to her face excitedly,"what does?-"
"-mmm...no," she said interrupting me, shaking her head and looking away.
"I thought you said I could ask you anything and you would always have an answer."
"I always will. Sometimes the answer might be no."
Fuck. I've never done "no" very well. This really sucked. We had already been so close...so intimate...why won't she tell me? The urge to press was almost overwhelming. The thing is...me...wanting to say something and holding back pretty much gargles old man in a rest home testicles. It just fucking sucks!
But Amanda...she was different. I'd already held back many things I wanted to say only to let them out later and be super fucking happy for it because the moment was right. So, I began to force myself not to talk about it hoping that the outcome would be just as good. It was so hard! As our relationship progressed, this would be one of our biggest problems. Eating my words was quite painful for me...sometimes physically. It churned my stomach as I tried to find a way to express myself without expressing myself. I just couldn't leave it alone. That's just who I am. Sometimes I couldn't hold back and the results would be disastrous. And when I did hold back...it sucked just as much. I couldn't win. I would usually drink way too much to try to numb the fact that I was dying to always, not just occasionally, have that free exchange of conversation and emotion with her....where nothing mattered and anything could be said....and for, whatever reason, she wasn't there..EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS JUST FUCKING THERE!!
It sucked knowing that someone was right there with you on so many things and then suddenly wasn't anymore with no explanation given. With this and other things, I knew when Amanda went into shut down mode, there was nothing in there. Or nothing she wanted to let out and show even me. This was the moment when I really began to get what Sara meant by "there and not there." It was fucking hard for me to find the balance between Mel's "go in full force" and being respectful of the parts of Amanda that she wanted to be left alone. And when to go and when not to go...there.  Sometimes it seemed like I...we...only got it right sometimes and not others. Of course, when we did....it was true, as Mel said, that when we looked at each other...man...that was some rare shit. So, maybe that rare shit involved me eating shit and shutting the fuck up once in awhile.
And that's just what I did that night and it drove me nuts. Sadly, it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. But at least that evening we got through it fairly quickly.
"Well...," I kind of stammered, "I-I guess...that's cool."
She took a drink of red wine and the smile disappeared. It felt like she was mad at me. Was she? I couldn't tell. There was an uncomfortable silence between us for a moment. After what seemed like ten hours (seconds), she turned back to me and thankfully broke it.
"Tell me about some of you past loves."
"Which ones? How about the jerks? They're always fun."
"Yep. That's what I want to know. What did the jerks used to do?" The smile was back.
"This one woman-"
"-ooo..is this a story?" Now she was back. Thank God.
"Yeah. This chick I dated in college...she was fucking lousy in bed...really bad. First of all, she wore white cowboy boots...all the fucking time."
"Even during...?"
"Yep. Which was cool at first but then it got old. And sometimes they really smelled."
"Gross! Didn't she think to wash them?"
"Apparently not. She never cupped my balls when I fucked her from behind-"
"-fucking sacrilegious, that one-"
"-that wasn't even the worst, though. One day she comes up to my room with a list of the things she doesn't like about me."
"How long was the list?" Amanda asked clearly suppressing a laugh. Now the uncomfortable moment was dead and buried. Cool.
"It was four spiral notebook pages-"
She let out that short, sharp, loud laugh that I loved so much. I continued.
"-both sides!"
Now she was really laughing, nearly choking on her pizza, and holding up her hands to her mouth.
"Are you alright?" I asked somewhat concerned.
"Bloody hell," she said starting to calm down now that she no longer had food in her mouth, "what-?"
She started laughing again. She took a sip of water to try to calm down.
"I'm sorry," she said still laughing, "it's just so funny."
"It is funny. Don't be sorry. Funny and...tragic is what it was."
She kept laughing.
"What was on the list?" she finally got out.
"All kinds of stuff...I smoked too much pot-"
"-OK, that's not possible-"
"-I wanted from behind action too much-"
"-also not fucking possible-"
"-I had no direction in life-"
"-how old were you? And what is she...your mum?"
"-I was 20 and yeah...no shit. Speaking of shit...she hated how much I swore too."

"Fuck that. I love to fucking swear," Amanda said looking indignant and self righteous. She took a big gulp of wine after that one.

"I love the way you say the word fuck," I said with a smile.

"That's because you have fucked the crap out of me four times and so that is where your mind goes."

Yeah. It did.

"The way you say it, though," I added, "it's much more than me just imagining my cock in your pussy-"

"-well, now I'm thinking about that-" she said with determined grin. Determined for cock...

"-cool. But it's more than that. You sound cool when you say it. Like the word was invented for you. It's-wait-...OH MY GOD!"

"What?" she asked semi startled because I shouted.

"I just figured it out. This is so awesome." Infinite Amanda had done it again...another revelation coming from a place inside of me where I didn't even know I had that place. I could barely sit still in the booth. I've always loved feeling this way. You get this mega cool thing in your head that you want to say and it feels so fucking good. Your body actually moves around because you can hardly contain the excitement.

"What? Am I going to have to kick your ass?" she asked forcefully and kicking me under the table with her black boots.

"OK...whoever it was that first said 'Fucking A'....well...they must have been thinking about you! 'A' for Amanda after all...Fuckin A...yeah, the original Fucking A, ladies and gentlemen," I said mockingly looking around the room for an audience.

Her green eyes bore holes into me in the most loving way imaginable. She did the 'catch her breath, upper lip grabs the lower lip' thing that I loved so much. I fucking took her breath away...again. It was bloody magnificent. Where was this shit coming from inside of me? I didn't know. I didn't care. I loved it.

"You are so.... I love you," she said not taking her eyes off of me.

"I love you, too.'

We both reached for each other's hands right away. We grabbed them tightly. Our breathing had increased and if we didn't have a show to go to and a restaurant full of people, I would've been inside of her within ten fucking seconds. It was cool that we would have to wait. I knew it would make the show all the more intense. And the fucking better later. Sometimes it is a good thing to build up a load for awhile...for both a man and a woman.

She Moves In Her Own Way by the Kooks came on over the speakers. This was like the seventh or eighth song in a row that came on that was something we both loved. It was perfect.

"Again!" she cried in a semi teenager voice.

"Talk about premonition. Fuck, this is seriously retarded dude," I said looking at her and laughing, "they always do this here, though. If a band is playing a gig in town, they play their songs all night...before and after the show."

"Cool. I love this song...it's about two women, yer know."

"Yeah...the one who treated him like shit...choking his chain...and the new one who comes to his shows...more down to earth...hot and cool at the same time."

"Like me," she quickly giggled.

"Like you"

"Yeah...you know how you said we could make the myths...that you just know we can...it's inherent...for me it's the same thing with music. I just know this song....all these songs...I've known them forever...that's how I felt the first time I heard this record. And yet I had never heard it. D'yer know what I mean, la'?"

"That's right," I quickly agreed, "The best music is the music that instantly creates nostalgia. You know it right away because, even though you haven't heard it, the feeling has always been there. It cements that feeling further inside of you. And that is exactly how I think...well...it's how I feel about you. You make me feel nostalgic for a time that hasn't happened yet...or has it? Every time we have hung out I have the overwhelming emotion of memories and warmth. And it's a feeling I have had in the past when I was younger and in high school. I don't know...maybe the fall brings it out in me-my favorite season-"

"-mine too-"

"-cool. Of course! But I know what you mean about just knowing something even if haven't yet experienced it. Or never did experience it. It's like you were there with me in high school...reading Joyce and Thoreau...and it's the fall-"

"-ok, now we really do have to find a place to fuck-"

"-and just being young with everything ahead of us. But it's not just that past. It's the undetermined future. I also have nostalgia for a time that hasn't yet occurred...and then I know...I can see what will happen with us...the things we could do. So far, pretty much everything I have imagined has come true. And I just fucking KNOW...anything else I imagine is going to happen with you." I slowly pointed at her. She just beamed at me and grabbed my other hand so we were holding both of each other's hands. We had one of our telepathic conversations.

"Here. Right here. This is where I should be. Nowhere else. And it's perfect. With you...," she thought to me and I was thinking the exact same fucking thing. The world was humming and blurring away again and there was no one else. Just the two of us. Bill Withers and Grover Washington Jr. time. It felt like the humming and blurring of silence would've lasted forever (in so many ways, though, it did) if I didn't have a funny thought that I just had to get out to wrap up the whole "fuck" conversation.

"Fuck...well...that word...the word 'fuck'...that's actually one of my two favorite words," I said, knowing full well she would ask me what the second one was

"What's the other one?" she asked in a sarcastic voice twirling her finger in the air.

"Diarrhea."

She spat and laughed. She took the hand that was holding mine and brought it up to cover her mouth

"It is a funny one though," she said with her hand still over her mouth.

"And your mind goes right to the image of peeing out of your butt."

"Peeing out of you butt...I am using that one from now on."

"When was the last time you had diarrhea?"

"I don't know," she said in a shrill giggle and then quickly looking around, "Shh...there are people looking at us."

"Who cares?" I said increasing the volume of my voice, "Oh wait...do you have a weird thing about pooping?"

"No." She started to turn red.

"You do!" I laughed and pointed, "You have a weird thing about pooping, don't you?"

"I said no."

"Farting?"

"No..."

"Like in front of someone for the first time? Sara and I were talking about this the other night when I was over...how tough it is to do it in front of someone for the first time...much more difficult than the first fuck. But you... you totally have a weird thing about your farting and your pooping habits, don't you?"

"Habits? What am I? A hamster?"

"You do, though..."

She shook her head in mock disgust, still semi laughing.

"Yes, but your eyes and red face say something much more than that. Wait, I thought you said something about 'doing it in the mess.'"

"I did say that and I do live that way....mostly."

"Then how can someone who likes a dick in their butt have a weird thing about pooping?" I asked

"It's not a 'weird' thing," she said making quotation marks in the air, "I just...I mean Gary is the only boyfriend I have ever farted in front of."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, it's just more of a private thing with me."

"Maybe it's because you are British."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Well, you know...the whole Julie Andrews deal...Mary Poppins and all...she was so pure and perfect...she probably never went to the bathroom."

"You are-" she shook her head and was still smiling so I knew I could go further.

"-and I still don't get how someone who likes a fat cock in there is weird about pooping. Y'know, sometimes with...that...some poop comes out."

"Sure but that's not the same thing as letting go a full load of crap in front of someone. And, I might add, that being as clean as possible down there...and in there...is very important to me so none ever does any come out when I am being fucked in the arse. I guess I just hate..being all gross and farty.

"So...what you just hold them in? The farts?"

"Yeah."

"But sometimes one might slip out during ass fucking."

"So?"

"So, that's a fart."

"Air slips out during vag booty...it's your cock that's doing it...causing the fart...not the natural act of farting. It's the same thing with ass booty," she said sounding like a science film from the 1970s.

"Fuck, now I'm going to have hold mine in," I lamented.

"No , you don't. Just as long as you don't make a big production out of it...like Gary...he used to do a little dance before he did it or fart on my head while I was sleeping."

"Ok, that's just...really immature."

"Yeah..."

"Still, though...this could get painful for me."

"Just let it fly...I don't care."

But I could tell she did a little. And I was so into her that I never wanted her to think of me as "gross and farty." So I made it a point to never be in the same room, at least, and fart in front of her. Never. Of course, this made it worse as I usually went into the bathroom and when I did let it out, it sounded louder what with the tile and the echoing and such. She always laughed, though, so I'm sure I was never fully pictured as "gross and farty."

"But you said that you feel so comfortable around me that you could have diarrhea in front of me," I said with curiosity.

"Yes, I did say that but...saying and doing are two different things. And I was just trying to make a point...about how you are like my best friend...like I have known you forever instead of just one month."

"I wonder how many more times I could say diarrhea tonight."

"You know...and I'm just going to be proper British for just this one moment...we are out...with people...and you are talking a little loud."

Hmmm...me being shushed. Yeah, that just wouldn't do.

"DIARRHEA!" I said in a very loud voice, "we've all had it!"

"I had it yesterday," the guy two tables over said, giving me the thumbs up.

Amanda closed her eyes, laughed quietly and looked embarrassed.

"This is just so....you always take that extra step, don't you?" she asked still giggling.

"Oh yeah. And I'd still like to know when the last time you had diarrhea was..."

She laughed and finally relented a little. "Well, it was pretty....not very solid the morning after that night after I first met you...when we went to the Independent."

"Oh, you mean the night you howled from the bridge and read Shakespeare?"

"Mmmm... yeah. That was a fun one."

"So...what was it like...the diarrhea? Hey...did it sound like pouring 4 cups of chocolate milk into the toilet out of a measuring cup or did it look more like a melted candy bar?

"The thought and energy you put into things like this..."

"Well, I just want to get a certain image in my head."

"Why?"

"Just because...it's who I am. C'mon..."

"It was probably somewhere in between."

"Hmm...going to have to think about that one."

"Good. You should always be thinking with me. Hey what time is it?"

I got out my phone to check the time.

"9:30"

She nodded and as I was holding it, my phone buzzed with a text from Chad.

"Dude, the best suck job ever...again. When I came it was like I was peeing cum."

I laughed.

"Who?" she asked.

"Chad...about that Lynn girl from the party.."

"The one with the mouthpiece thing?"

"Yeah. She has been sucking off Chad for the last couple of weeks. Man, she must really like to suck cock."

"It is nice having your mouth full of dick."

"Oh yeah? How many have you had in your mouth?"

"Dozens."

"At once? Like a stand filled with fucking umbrellas or something?"

"Tosser! Not at once...just over the years. I'd probably like it more if my jaw didn't click after I sucked it. Maybe I should copy her mouthpiece design and try it out on you. Hey, my jaw might not click then if I had that brace thingy!"

"I'll try anything once but I must say that you probably won't need to stimulate me anymore than you already do. That fucking tongue of yours..."

She got up from her side of the table and came over to my side and kissed me. Her tongue shot right into my mouth.

"This one?," she said, slobbering and smiling through the kiss.

People stared. I didn't give a fuck. It was great.

She stopped kissing me and rubbed her hand on my cheek lovingly.

"I need to run to the loo and then the lads await!"

"Sounds good."

I checked out her ass as she walked away. One thing about me that I have always loved is that I'm not the type of guy that once I've had my way with an ass, I grow weary of it. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I become more obsessed with it even if it is just vag booty as it was at this point with Amanda. Since I have had it, knew what it looked like, felt like and could imagine (clearly!) how I enjoyed it, the urge to...enjoy it again (now please!) is overwhelming. For me, the old ass versus new ass debate never held any weight. Most guys say "Show me the best ass in the world and I'll show the guy that is tired of fucking it." Not me. I say, "Show me a great ass and I will spend my days coming up with new and interesting ways to love it."  I love the old ass, with its soothing familiar comfort and the excitement of knowing exactly how wonderful it is, and the new ass, the thrill of the novelty and the anticipation of something that maybe you haven't felt or seen before. It's also fresh...like that new car smell...only the ass version of the new car smell and not necessarily the smell aspect but that exhilaration that a new car (and its smell) bring you. Asses, new or old, inspire me to be constantly creative and eternally interested.

"Did you look at it?" Amanda asked as she got back to the table and woke me out of my ass bliss.

"What do you think?" I smiled.

"Still look good after you've had it a few times...I mean the vag booty part of it?"

"Actually, better. I think I'm obsessed with it actually."

"Do tell?"

"I had a dream about it the other night."

"You had a dream about my ass?" she said laughing.

"Yeah, it was one of those weird ones where I wasn't sure if I was awake or dreaming-"

"-love those-"

"-yeah, I was sleeping in my dream...I woke up but I was still in the dream...and the first thing I see is your ass lowering gently into my face."

"I wonder what that looks like."

"We could video it sometime."

"That is definitely happening. And so is your dream...I'll do that fucking shit tonight."

"You really want all my dreams to come true, don't you?"

"Mmm-hmmm"

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Hey we should get in gear if we want to get to the show."

We paid our tab and left Pizza Luce and as we walked around the corner to the Fine Line, Amanda's ass (natch) was still on my mind. I had a nagging question.

"What's the difference between rim job and a toss salad?"

"Still thinking about my ass, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"And what you might do later?"

"Yeah"

"Nice." The way she said that...

"Yeah."

We both started cracking up as we walked down the street. It was mid November so it was chilly but not cold. There was a slight breeze as she put her arm through mine and we felt like a couple. A real couple...all bundled up and snugly! It was great. I remember thinking, 'So this is what it is like to have a girlfriend?' A real girlfriend. I'd fucked and dated many women in my day but not one who was a real friend. Amanda was right when she said it felt like we were best friends. Sure, we only knew each other a short time but it was like we'd known each other for 30 years. It was just like it was with music. A new song...and old song...it didn't matter...you just know it. It was so fucking cool that we felt the exact same way about music. We wanted the same things out of life and didn't want to fuck around to get them. I felt that same intimacy with her...not sexual at all...that I felt with Will who I had known a lot longer. I met her and I just...knew her. This had never happened to me before. Honestly, I was having trouble getting my head around all of it. It gave me a constant buzzing of nervousness that was always just under the surface of everything. It was disconcerting yet at the same time it sort of fed a spark that I think I really needed. It didn't matter, though, because all of it was perfectly tied up with music...in a beautiful bow.

My mind was off loving the beauty of what we had started when I got my answer to my ass question.

"A rim job is just a gentle licking around the rim of the arsehole. A toss salad is when you really go to town on that fucking thing...your tongue is going in out of the butt and you are licking it like an ice stick."

"Ice stick?"

"Popsicle. Sorry."

"What did I give you the other night?"

"Toss salad," she said mock seriously and then started to laugh a little.

"Sweet. Hey, why does it seem normal for a dude to do that to a chick but not the other way around?"

"Because most dudes are gross, hairy, and don't keep themselves clean. Well, the gays do so it's not gross with them."

"Would you do that with me?"

"Sure. You are pretty clean. Actually, you're kind of poncey...how clean you are.."

"Flunked being gay, remember?"

"Yeah, but wouldn't it feel gay if I licked your butt hole and jacked you off at the same time...just a little," she teased. I knew she was only half serious.

"I think I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality that if it felt gay, I would just go with it. You know, the whole sacred feminine thing. Da Vinci. The Mona Lisa is him in drag, you know."

"Ooo...let's remind ourselves to talk about that at the show."

"Not during-"

"-right not while they are playing but-"

"-at the-"

"-set break before they come back from the encore-"

"-because that's so lame standing there just-"

"-yelling and then they don't come back for awhile-"

"-so then we will have something to talk about during the boring bit!"

It was like we were thinking with one mind. Throughout the entire exchange, we kept getting more and more excited because we knew...just fucking knew...exactly what to say. The more we kept going the more hilarious it got until we were pretty much laughing and jumping out of our skin. Amanda was bopping up and down with her arms waving madly in the air trying as quickly as possible to get out the next word. I was as well. She was a kindred spirit who knew the rules...all the rules.  Of course, we did end up breaking them a little because we just had to say things to each other but mostly we respected the sacred music from the Holy Land. We were almost at the Fine Line and now it was Amanda's turn to have a burning question.

"So, which are you going to give me when I lower my ass onto your face later tonight?"

"I thought I might begin with a gentle rimming and then work my way to the salad."

"You do realize," she said in a mid 1960s spy movie voice and raising one eyebrow in Spock like fashion, "that your cock is going to be going in and out of my ass tonight."

"Uh...yes, sir. Yes I did."

Hot. Just...mega fucking hot. Tonight? It was going to happen tonight? I got fully hard right away. She noticed my face turn red and immediately put her hand on my dick.

"Hi," she said in that way I loved. And then she did this thing I had never heard before that was so mega. She made this noise that was sort of a cross between a gasp, a quiet yell, and air being sucked into her mouth. It was...a hot girl semi laugh and shout. Not too loud but not so soft that she wouldn't be noticed. It was the type of noise a super model would make after a long day of shooting cover shots. Crap, was it so money.

We got to the Fine Line and people were outside smoking. I stopped and asked one of the smokers if the opening band was done. The guy said they just finished and the Kooks were due on in 15 minutes. Perfect timing. I had no idea who the opening band was. Normally I might've checked them out but given a choice between a band I had never heard and Amanda...well I chose Amanda. She was like seeing a band anyway...for so many reasons. I mean...there were things that I liked about Amanda, things that I loved about her, and things that made me so fucking crazy that I essentially became borderline manic. This was exactly the same type of feelings I had for bands. I liked Bloc Party, loved the Kooks and was absolutely crazy about Stereophonics. I liked Amanda's taste for fashion, I loved Amanda's smile, and was absolutely crazy that Amanda couldn't tell the difference between her love of fucking and her love of music...just like me.

The enormity of what we were about to do started to set in as we made our way inside. I was going to see a BAND with the girl of my dreams. Once again, it was almost too much. I started to get nervous...shaky as hell even and had to tell myself to calm down. I needed a fucking drink to chill the fuck out. I was essentially in a daze as we checked our coats and felt the rush of warm body in a small space air. Was I really there? Was it actually happening? As I think about it now, it was a dream. It just wasn't real and yet it was. I was there. She was there. We had to touch each other all night. We were in constant physical contact. It was as though the dream would evaporate if we weren't touching each other.

The Fine Line was a small place. I liked seeing bands there but it wasn't as nice as First Avenue. First Avenue had more space and was shaped more like a rectangle with the stage being at one of the long sides of said rectangle. The Fine Line was shaped like a rectangle as well but the stage was on the short side. It was just the way the room was laid out. It was a little too slender. And then there was an upstairs which seemed to hang out too far close to the stage and way too low. That was where people sat who wanted to sit, enjoy dinner and watch the music. I've never sat up there for a show. It always seemed too tame and subdued. Actually, the people that sat up there looked terribly lame, old and almost zombie like. In other words, no fun at all. One really has to be down in the shit to get the shit that one needs.

"Where do you want to stand?" I asked Amanda as we made our way, Moses-like parting the Red Sea, through the bodies that were gathered in front of the stage.

"Anywhere...as long I can stand really close to you and do inappropriate things to you throughout the performance."

And...wood.

"Hey, let's stand off to the right," I said in that 12 year old boy with polio voice, trying to sound all nonchalant and shit even though I was wishing I could go all Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain due to her latest in series of fucking sweet ass comments. "There's usually a beer stand there and a door where people sneak out to smoke. That way if it gets too hot we will have some fresh air."

"Perfect."

We made our way through the crowd to get to our spot. I began to get into that...place. So many people I know hate crowds and don't like being packed in. I feel that way as well for places I don't like...a craft or fabric store for example. But shows...shows are different. I love the crowd...the smell of the people...their different smells....cologne...perfume...booze...the closeness of the bodies...the din of the noise...pretty much it's like fucking for me. I get that same rush from being amongst a collective of fellow music maniacs at a show as I do when put my cock in a pussy...when I am behind a fucking mega ass...it just fits. It feels right. I belong there.

And it got better as the night went on.

We found a great place to stand right near the beer stand and with a perfect view of the stage. They had a portable tapper out there with about three different kinds of beer. They also had a huge tub filled with ice and some awful looking lite beer piled in it. No Mich Golden to be seen anywhere. There were a few other assorted drinks...hard lemonade and other stupid ass lifestyle beverages made for people that live in town homes, watch Nip/Tuck on their 27" Plasma, and think that having depth means doing yoga at the gym and belonging to a book of the month club. Why did they even have these kind of drinks at a Kooks show? The people here weren't like that. They were cool.

We were pretty close...about fifteen feet back maybe...and there was just enough space to stand comfortably but not enough space so that we had to be in a constant state of touching and groping which suited both of us just fine.

"Beer?" I asked, turning to the beer stand.

"Yeah."

"Hey, they have Summit."

"Tits."

"Tits...now that had to be something you picked up over here."

"Sara says it enough around me so I think I just osmosized it."

"Tits...such an American phrase," I said as I bought us two Summits.

"And tits seem to be American in and of themselves," she said with a laugh, "it's like tits, guns, and cars...that's all this fucking place seems to stand for sometimes."

"I wish it could stand for something else."

"Like what?"

"Ass."

She laughed, hit me on the chest and snorted. It really hurt.

"Hey, you know what the say about the snorters..." I said with a smile.

"And are they?"

"Fuck yeah. Dude, I have so been fantasizing about you the last two weeks."

"Really," she said all serious like, folding her arms together and leaning into me, "and what have you been thinking about?"

Those green eyes. Yum.

"Well, I..um" I got my Amanda yips again.

"What?" she asked looking genuinely concerned.

"Look..here's the deal...before we talk about the fantasies...for whatever reason...I just get nervous around you. Why am I still so nervous around you? I mean...I fucked the crap out of you the other night-"
"-morning-"
"-right...whatever...and I still act like I'm sixteen around you."
"I don't mind."
"I mean...I'm going to say stupid shit and fuck up my words around you. Especially when I talk about fantasy shit. I'm just overwhelmed by how much I love you."
"And you think you are the only one of the two of us with this problem?"

"Well...yeah."

"I might...ehm...I might show it differently or not show it but I always get antsy before I see you...before I talk to you. I'm the same way. I just do."

"That's good to know because it's going to be like that pretty much any time I talk to you. I just feel so retarded around you."
"I love that word."
"Yeah, it's not very PC."
"I love that I can say that word around you, though," she said as she reached her hand around behind me and grabbed my ass. Then her her finger sort of tickled my butt crack. Chicks did that? I thought only guys did.
"Well, the oldest association in the country that helps people with disabilities is the National Association for Retarded Citizens," I said as I got my eighty ninth hard one of the evening.

"Do you know everything about everything?"

"Yes. Yes I do. Now, I don't have a lot of money but I do have two fingers and a tongue."
"And that's really all a girl needs." She was still close to me...right in my face... when she moved her arm up around my waist. I put mine around hers and moved down towards the ass.

"So...as you are touching my ass," she said leaning into me more, "tell me about your fantasies."

"Ok. For starters, I can't get the image of us in the mirror out of my mind. That was so fucking hot." My hand was making circles around that fucking sweet ass booty.

"Yeah, we looked good together. It was like a porn cover. I've thought about that too."

"And the stuff you said...the coaching. I like to be coached."

"Like the talking, d'yer?" she said with more of an accent. I must have been turning her on.

"Yeah...the 'drain into me' line was-"

"-you inspired it will the all that cum dripping out of me-"

"-fuck, you were so hot...and cool at the same time." I got a big smile from her on that one. I checked the clock on my cel phone. Less than five minutes and the Kooks would be onstage. I took a good long look around the room. It was a good crowd. I love rock and roll people. I just...LOVE THEM. They're all so fucking cool. The live for music...for shows...and all the fucking energy and love it brings them. Sure, there are always a couple of tossers at every show...tossers...ah, Infinite Amanda again. That's part of rock's charm though. There always has to be a couple of pigs. It's dirty and gross but that's what makes it pure. It's like Amanda said our first night (morning!) together...sometimes you have to do it in the mess. That's what music is all about. Getting into the mess like a smelly pig and fucking rolling around in it.

"You are in heaven right now, aren't you?" Amanda asked softly in my ear.

"Mmm?" I was distracted by the combination of my mind and the ambiance of that gorgeous and wonderful moment right before the show starts. The anticipation was palatable. I could almost taste it so I stuck my tongue out.

"What are you doing," she asked laughing.

"I am tasting the anticipation. It's that moment right before a show begins. You know it is going to be mega....you just feel it. It's so dense and thick in the air right now you can almost taste it. Fuck that, you can taste it and that's why I am sticking my tongue out."

"Ooo...I am having that." She stuck her tongue out too. Fuck that mother was huge. She closed her eyes, rolled it around in the air for a little bit, and then curled it up...slowly...back into her mouth.

"Mmm...that was yummy," she said softly. She took it to a whole other level. I was in absolute awe of her. I was in a daze and must've looked that way when she looked a little puzzled.

"Where did...oh wait, I know where you went. You went...there...didn't you?"

"Yes."

"You go there a lot don't you?"

"Yes."

"I like going there too, did you know that?"

"Yes. That's why you are hot and cool at the same time."

"Fuck. I bloody love music. Look at you. What a great memory to have forever. Look at how happy you are right now. I'm so...only music-"

"-and a woman-"

"-can do that to someone," she said smiling and knowing exactly what I meant.

"Mmm...I know. Do you know what else I love?"

"What?" she asked with an anticipatory grin on her face.

"I love that fact that when life interferes you somehow manage to un-interfere it."

"When you say things like that...it's too much. It's bigger than me. You make me bigger than I actually am. Why?" She was smiling but seemed slightly bowled over...scared a little.

"Because I love you."

She did the lip biting gasping thing again and leaned in for a kiss. We started snogging and she fell into me as she always did. With all of the cock, pussy, and ass stuff that had been going on, I forgot how mega her kissing was...how pleading it was...how unbelievably loving.

The house lights went off when we were still kissing...which was...well....you know...IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE. The crowd let out a roar. It was starting. We didn't turn to look at the stage. We just kept kissing. It was amazing. Everything was absolutely perfect. Never in my life had I had a night be this fucking mega. Every pore...every iota of my entire body, mind, and heart was in a state of complete bliss. And I knew it was only going to get better with live music! Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the Kooks were taking the stage. She noticed them as well out of the corner of hers. We both laughed at how similarly goofy we looked. And then she put her tongue deep inside my mouth. I heard the hum of the instruments being tested, turned on and warmed up. She pulled her tongue out quickly and was right in my face when she said,

"This is it. Are you ready?" She was close to me after the kiss. The opening chords to the first song started. When she spoke, I could feel her breath on my nose, my eyes, and my mouth. It was gorgeous. The bliss got better. She turned to look at the band, still close to me and holding my hand, and my baby...the high priestess of club sensuality...became so much more than my hot girlfriend for the night. It was just like two weeks ago when we played The Subways and fucked for the first time. There was no difference between her body and the band...her mind and the scene...her heart and the music....they were all one and the same. She looked back at me just as the music started, smiled, and I knew...I just knew. And she fucking knew it too and loved every minute of what I was feeling for her. There didn't need to be any talking. It was just...there, man. She became the dream, lovingly put her arms around me and included me in it. She gave it to me...all of it...every last drop.

In that moment, I can safely say that I was more aroused than I was before the first time we fucked. Anyone can fuck. Some people do it well. Some people do it....poorly. But it takes a special two people to be massively into seeing a show together...to connect like that. It makes it even more amazing when those two people were highly skilled, as we were, at fucking. It's all that energy swirled up into a boiling pot of cream that sates the only the biggest hearts and the deepest of thirsts.

As the first song got underway, I recognized it as one of their new ones. They were in between their first and second records...just starting to play songs from the forthcoming album on this latest tour...so they played "Always Where I Need To Be" for the set opener. The lyrics to this one were mega. Just like Amanda said...you hear a song and then you just know it...you've known it forever. As the song kicked in to high gear, Amanda raised her hands up in the air and began to dance. I watched her move to the music...her black hair glistening in the lights from all over the club..my rock and roll queen looked positively stunning. Her lips curled up in an Elvis like snarl as the song ended. She clapped and screamed like crazy.

"Holy cow...you really know how to dance. You have some serious honey in those hips," I yelled to her over the applause and screams.

"Thanks, la'. I was a dancer as a little one and pretty much up into sixth form."

"That's high school, right?"

"Yea...junior and senior years. Secondary school is before that...like junior high and high school."

"You can tell that you have had formal training...ballet right?"

"Mmm-Hmm. All types of dancing really. I acted a lot too."

"Really?" I said sarcastically. She smacked me on the shoulder. It really hurt.

The Kooks ripped through the next couple of songs...mostly from their first album. The sound is always good at the Fine Line which I appreciate heavily. You can hear every lyric the singers sing in complete clarity. It almost sounds like you are in a recording studio. I finished my first beer pretty quickly and was gazing away from Amanda. The whole crowd was delirious with joy. The energy in the room was amazing. And everyone looked so fucking cool! I turned to look back where Amanda was and she was...gone? I started to look around to see where she went off to and then I felt I finger and a cold beer tickling my ass crack. I turned around to see her..with two more beers.

"What's that?" I asked in a mock serious tone.

"That's another pint, that is"

"Fuck, I love you." We pressed out foreheads together without kissing like we did that night at the Urban.

She moved in front of me and nuzzled her ass in my...place. Perfect fit and brilliantly warm. Having a woman's ass snuggled in there is the only thing a man really needs at the start of Minnesota winter. That fucking thing will charge the batteries for a good six months...which is about how long the winters last in the North Woods. Plus, I love smelling a women's hair from behind. It smells different from back there. I don't know why.

The Kooks broke into "Eddie's Gun" and right when Luke sang "look at me" Amanda turned around and gave me a money over the shoulder look. I put my arm around her waist, finger on the belly button, and pulled her into me. Her hair was all over my face and was wonderful.

"You know..this song always makes me think about the first time I met you at Lyle's," I said.

"The lyrics are brilliant."

"The single version is better than the album version."

"Fuck yeah..."

Ooo La was up next. And that's when I really got there...that place...my place.

I go there at shows...into that...that semi drunk place of solace....and this time I was drunk not simply from the wine, music and beer but from Infinite Amanda as well. It's the place that I love to be in at clubs with all the rock n roll people....rock and roll people who I love so much and are so fucking cool. They live and die for the next show. They just look so mega and love the same things I love so they are all cool. I feel at home there with them...with smell of vodka red bulls, smoke, beer, the women with all the hair flying around. There is a strong sense of unity driven to its highest point when everyone sings along which they did with Ooo La. They sang along with every word. Every fucking word. They all knew the lyrics and it was a joyous explosion of adulation for the band...for the club...for the night. The chorus of our voices was loud and sounded like the best church choir in Harlem. The mutual love stuck hotly in the air. I reveled in every minute of it because it is my home. It is where I will always live.

And shows would be the one place where I live in the moment.

"God I love this feeling," I said, turning to Amanda

"Yeah...," she said smiling back to me.

"Fucking just soaking this in..thinking about all the music I'm going to play for which you have never heard and all the music you will play for me the first time....like we talked about...it's just so...this night is just perfect...perfect."

"It is, isn't it?" She leaned in and kissed me again. The lights were swirling all around us as the song ended and the crowd roared. Someone behind me pushed me into Amanda.

"Shit. Sorry..."

"Ah...it's all part of the life on the battlefield."

"So how do the lads look so far?" I asked.

"The lead singer thinks he's Jim Morrison."

"That's the second Jim Morrison reference of the night."

"Luke is a cute lad, though...very shagable."

"So he is a 'cute lad in a band' as you described to me that first night I met you at Lyle's...that you and Sara like?"

"Mmm...yes...and I love how all of the songs are about love...talk about perfect for tonight."

"Speaking of perfect...how about a I get sneak preview of that Secret of yours?"

"Alright," she said slyly.

The band started playing another new song....Sway....which, as everything else was with that night, perfectly timed. Amanda decided she would use the song in a delicious tease of what she had on underneath those tight jeans. As the song progressed, she slowly spun around...right in front me...swaying her hips from side to side...holding her pint of beer high in the air. As Luke was singing about needing your sway, Amanda was fucking giving me what I needed. She stopped at one point, with her back facing me, and looked over her shoulder, pointed her finger down her back in the shape of a gun, wiggled her thumb as if she was cocking it, and said,

"Look down there."

I moved in slowly because I wanted the reveal to last for fucking ever. I took my right index finger and hooked the top of her hip hugging jeans. Slowly I pulled them back to see what she was wearing. The lights from the stage were red and perfectly lit up set the right mood for that the frilly black waist band and G string that she had on. I couldn't wait to see her with just that thing and nothing else.

"What do you think?"

"I...can't believe that every time the thought comes in my head that this night couldn't get any more perfect...well...than it does. This night is in constant state of improvement of perfection."

"Bril..."

"I know!"

"You know this song they are singing...it's what I would say to you."

"Really?" I wondered.

"Yeah, it's nice to have your sway, dude. I've lost the plot these last few months. I have forgotten what it's like to....to feel like this."

"Like a woman?"

"Yeah, my boyfriend is a wanker."

"Yeah, I know."

She looked off around the bar for a minute. I could tell she was close to reaching a decision point. In my gut, I felt they were going to break up. I put my arm around her waist. She turned back to me, smiling, and we both watched the band finish the song. Right after they finished, Amanda looked over at  me with a goofy mischievous look on her face.

"Hey...I heard you almost kicked Leni's ass last week," she said half laughing. Ah, the obligatory subject change quickly away from something serious.
"She finally went too far."
"What exactly happened?"
"She made a derogatory comment about John."
"Oh....no," she said putting her hand over her mouth as she recognized the gravity of the situation.
"Yeah, it was bad. She said he was just a druggie and his music was average."
"She said this? In front of you? And she's still drawing breath?"
"Sara restrained me."
"I wished I would've been there. I probably would have kicked her ass too. In fact, I think I will the next time I see her. John's one of my countrymen. I lived in Liverpool for awhile."
"She is such a bitch. I really can't stand her anymore. And where haven't you lived?"

"Kessick. I have never lived in Kessick although I hear its quite nice. The North Country and all..."

The Kooks started another new song which I didn't recognize. Amanda and I kept talking, which broke the rules. It was ok, though, because it was..well...Amanda. Actually what we were doing was not so much talk as the 'shout in each other's ears at a club during a show' thing.

"What did you do in Liverpool?"

"Tended bar at a working man's pub."

"That must have been fun."

"Actually, it was. I was twenty five...unattached...it was right after I moved from Cardiff. I just wanted to bum around for awhile. I found this pub called the Lion's Tavern...I went in their for a pint and fell for it. The owner was super cool and gave me a job. He paid me way too much money. I think he wanted a nice looking bird for all the old blokes to look at."

"An old man's pub...supercool!"

"Except the old men were...well, they're not like geezers from the 1940s. They're all dead. These 'old' guys are all like Phil Collins' age. In fact, Phil Collins was the favorite on the pub jukebox."

"I don't mind Phil Collins."

"Really? You?"

"Sometimes you just have to listen to Phil Collins."

"Wow. You are correct, sir," she said doing the Johnny Carson complete with American accent which made me hard...again, "and very profound."

"Hee hee, yes sir!" I returned in my Ed MacMahon laugh.

"Mmm...the dirty old man laugh. I love that one."

"I have a dirty old man laugh?"

"Mmm-hmm.."

"Is it really dirty?"

"Yeah....that's why I like it." She leaned in for a quick snog. I had something I had to get out, though, so I cut the kiss short which made her look disappointed. I realized that I had forgotten a very important bit of musical information that I needed to get from her that, in the few weeks I had known her, I inexplicably had never gotten. It was the most vital comment I could make to her and I had to fucking know how she would take it. Her reaction would set the course for how the rest of our relationship would go. It's impossible for me to understate the magnitude of what I was about to find out. It was THE most pivotal moment in my life because she was my dream girl. What would her comment be? Anything less than total disgust would be unacceptable. And if she liked him? I would left the club immediately, gone out to the car, got her fucking bag out of my car, thrown it on the sidewalk, spit on it, and driven off...giving her the finger out the window. I knew how I wanted to phrase what I was about to say. It was too big so I had to draw in a deep breath to calm myself before I spoke.

"Of course, that being said about Phil Collins, there is never a time for the Dave Matthews Band.," I said doing my best to not reveal my insane nervousness at what her response would be.

"Yes!" Her face went from smiling to instant nausea.

Hallelujah. She had passed the final test. Music exam, A levels that is.

"Wow. Why do-?" I asked happily and she interrupted which also made me dance with glee inside.

"-I fucking hate the Dave Matthews Band. He is a soddin' wanker. And so boring..."

"I love you" I grabbed her and kissed her fucking hard. She looked a little shocked but happily collapsed into the kiss as she always did. She cut the snog short this time because I think she needed to know what the fuck.

"What are you on about?"

"Oh, I just wanted to.....you know..." I rolled my eyes and smiled sheepishly.

"Was that...a test?"

"Yeah. The last one, actually."

"You are adorable," She gave me a quick kiss and ran her hand down to my cock, "teacher gets a reward for giving me an A later. In fact, as we discussed earlier, teacher is going to get...my A!"

Ah, to be London now that the Queen has returned.

"Hey, I just realized...."ass" and "Amanda" both begin with the letter "A."

"Yeah..." she said with a "no shit" tone in her voice.

"Fucking Dave Matthews....yeah....why do people like him? Lame..." I made the L shape on my forehead.

"Isn't it sad? Think of the sadness of someone who doesn't like good music like us and think that Dave Tosser Matthews is actually brilliant."

"I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I do."

"Wha-?"

"Now it's official. You're one, just like me, aren't you?"

"I'm what? A member of the Dave Matthews Is A Talentless Sod Fan Club?"

"No..well, yeah...maybe. I'd like to join that fucking club, by the way. But what I meant was..is...that you are a music snob just like me."

"A snob? Well, I suppose I am. Do you know who likes Dave Matthews?"

"Who?"

"Gary."

"Cool," I said sarcastically.

"Piss off!" she cried, hitting me in the chest. It really hurt.

"What?"

"You know..."

I feigned innocence

"So how big of a fan is he?" I asked

"Big."

"Does he have all of his albums?"

"Yes."

"Live albums?"

"Sadly."

"Does he have...oh no," I said semi fake but sort of real gasping, "does he have...bootlegs?"

She looked down in disgust. There was a moment of silence as we mourned the passing of the musical intelligence of Gary. Another sad and tragic death. There had been far too many lost already and, Lord knows, there would be many, many more.

"What's the count on the bootlegs?" I asked.

She was quiet for a moment. I knew it was going to be bad.

"Twenty or Thirty."

"Jesus! And you let him put his dick in you?"

"That hasn't happened for awhile?"

"How long?"

"Too long." Again I wanted to press but didn't. The Kooks had finished their last song and started She Moves In Her Own Way.

"Yea!" cried the instantly happy and clapping Amanda. She started dancing around with her almost empty beer cup. Leaving the sad and sickening thought of Gary's musical taste behind, I couldn't help myself, drunk with everything and wonderfully showered in the glow of music, I actually danced too. It wasn't pretty but I didn't care. Amanda hugged me and we sang along to every word, groping and falling all over each other...spilling beer everywhere in the process. I could not stop grabbing her tits which we both laughed at. Actually, most everyone around us shouted along with every word...especially on the chorus. The women were singing louder than the men which was pretty cool. I think Luke and the rest of the band were quite shocked actually by the sound of the crowd but then they seemed to use it for fuel to kick the song into high gear. The entire crowd became a screaming pit of worship and hilarity.

And this would be why I go to shows.

The song ended with another huge burst of applause that seemed just as much for the crowd as it was for the band. The guys in the band leaned out and clapped for us. The energy in the room brought a thought in my head. Actually, it was a line that my dad used to tell me...Herman Hesse...and this was the perfect moment to lay it on Amanda. I brought her head close to my mouth and leaned into her ear. I wanted her to hear what I was going to say without shouting too much.

"A wild longing for strong emotions and sensations seethes in me," I said in her ear.

She spun her head and looked at me right away with an expression that was mixed with astonishment and pleasure.

"Where did you-?" she asked in a happy to be shocked and somewhat shrill tone.

"Hesse...actually I have to give credit where credit is due. My dad used to use that one."

"God, I wished I could've met him."

"Yeah..." I took a long look around the bar and tried not to think too hard of the alternate reality in which my dad was still alive and met the woman of my dreams. What would he have thought of her? I think he would've adored her. Maybe he could've advised me on how to not be such a dorkwad around her...so nervous all the fucking time. I know he would've been able to consul me on holding back and being more mellow...living in the moment. I trailed off further in the dream imagining the three of us sitting around somewhere...anywhere...talking about music. What a time that would've...actually should have been. Fuck, it really sucked that he was dead. And yes...I pretty much think that every day.

"Where did you go?" Amanda asked.

"Oh...nothing...nowhere."

"What?"

"I was just thinking about how mega it would've been if you had met my dad and....y'know...other stuff about you....me...that he could've helped me with, y'know?  It's just hard for me to hold back sometimes. I have so many things I want to tell you....questions to ask you. And then I can't seem to find the words. he could help me find the words...my dad."

"I know," she smiled in that warm in front of the fire way.

"It's like holding back the beaver dam, for crying out loud."
"You said beaver."

"What do you think about that word...beaver?" I asked, sensing it would be good to shift the conversation to something lighter. The Kooks were playing another new track from their new album. We were breaking the rules again by talking during a song. But we were talking about beavers...

"It sounds like a silly old man. I like pussy. Pussy is cuter," she said matter-of-factly.

"I love pussy."

"So do I," she smiled.

"I think I want to keep that thought in my head as we watch the rest of the set."

She punched me in the shoulder. It really hurt.

The Kooks had done about twelve songs so I knew the set was probably going to come to an end soon. They finished up their new song, started another new one and then Amanda shouted in my ear.

"I need to run to the loo. Get us a couple more pints, will you?" Amanda asked

"Definitely"

I went over to the beer stand feeling strange. It was probably the booze. Sometimes it drifts me into a melancholy ocean...pleasant but occasionally unnerving. I grabbed two Summits and went back to the spot where we were standing. Fuck, I really needed my dad's voice right now. I mean, I pretty much knew what he would say anyway but I just needed to hear it with someone else's voice. His voice. His calming voice. An overwhelming sense of trepidation came over me. I told myself at least ten times, "Do not fuck this up by being so mother fucking intense. You don't have to know everything about everything. There is something powerful in not speaking. There is something wonderful about not knowing..." Yep, that was my dad's voice, not mine.

Amanda got back just in time for the last song of the set which was You Don't Love Me. She gave me a kiss and put her arm around my waist. I gave her the beer which she proceeded to toast in the air, sexily not saying a word, and turned to watch the band. The trepidation that I had seeped into me just moments before oozed into this moment as well which pissed me off. I think it was the song. What if Amanda didn't love me the way I loved her? It seemed like she did but who the fuck really knows how women think? My history with them said that I sure as fuck didn't.

The song came to an end and the Kooks left the stage. An even louder roar rattled the rafters at The Fine Line. Sadly, though, we now we came to the only part of a show that I hate. First of all, you always have about ten or twelve douches that don't stick around for the encore. Since when is getting to your car quickly and leaving more important than listening to more music i.e. more love? The other thing is that bands stay off way too long. Just go off for a minute or so. I know they probably have to pee or something but can't they do it quicker? Because most people, especially in Minnesota, won't cheer that long. I know this may seem like it runs contrary to all the love I have shared about rock and roll people but it is an unfortunate fact. The space between the end of the set and the encore blew ass. Luckily, I had my gorgeous baby with me who felt the same way and reminded me of a previous agreement.

"Hey, let's talk about the sacred feminine thing...like we said we were going to because this part sucks."

"Thank God bands only do one encore these days."

"My mate in Sheffield says that the Arctic Monkeys never do 'em."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they just do a longer set."

"Cool. I can't wait to see that."

"Well, WE will."

Fucking....awesome!

She went on.

"So the spear and the chalice..."

"Yeah, I got into that long before Da Vinci Code came out. Dan Brown really ripped off a lot...The Margaret Starbird books-"

"-are hot-"

"-yeah, they are. And funny I didn't think that hot is what she was going for," I chuckled

"But that's what makes them so hot. She wasn't trying. That's how the hottest things always are. She hit a tone that resonated with women everywhere. And it could with men as well if they fookin' listened!" I could tell she had had a few. The accent got thicker. Cool.

"Too fucking true, dude. Men are so fucked up. I'm not sure if I am really there yet."

"Everything takes time, though, Mark. It's all a journey."

"True...but if men...if they only understood how to let women...the chalice...nurture them and protect their spear the way it should be protected-"

"-and not in the infantile way they want it to be 'protected'-" she half laughed and I kept going.

"-right. But that's part of it. That immaturity can also be part of the whole balance of man and women because men are far more immature than women-"

"-precisely. But a woman needs to understand how to release that energy in a good way-"

"-yep and and not use it for manipulation purposes. Wow. It's really cool to talk to someone who knows about this. Sara thinks it's all faggity and weird."

"Well, of course she would."

"It is...kind of...though."

"Don't you think that for a minute!" She hit me on the chest with the back of her hand. It really hurt.

"Hey, I don't mind being faggity and weird.....and retarded!"

"That's why I-"

She was interrupted by a thunderous roar as Luke returned to the stage with an acoustic guitar. She turned and cheered too. He was by himself so I knew it was going to be Seaside. And it was. Right as the first beautiful chords began, Amanda finished her sentence, which I was hoping (dying) she would, with a whisper in my ear.

"Love you!" Her breath was deliciously hot with a hint of Summit.

The room was so quiet as Luke was playing the song. Nobody shouted or cried out. In fact, I remember hearing the fans kick on from the heating system. He had everyone mesmerized. They hung on every word. Amanda's face was soft, quiet, and gorgeously introspective as she watched the song. It was quite lovely and as much as the Kooks rocked they knew how to get to the soft places as well.

The song ended and everyone cheered. Next up was Jackie Big Tits. We listened for awhile and the song made me think of Sara and I broke the rules...again.

"Did you hear that Sara wants a boob job?"

"No," Amanda turned to me with a semi shocked look on her face.

"Yeah, she told me last week at the Independent. Can you believe it?"

"I suppose I can," she sighed, "that woman..."

"I know. First of all, she is fucking rock star. She's like Jennifer Aniston for crying out loud. She doesn't need that crap. And imagine grabbing those fake things."

"And how gross they look."

"Yeah, they are probably going to be all warped or something."

"I can't believe that she hasn't told me yet."

"Maybe she thinks your tits are better than hers."

"What do you think?"

"Mmm. I love both of you and don't want to get half kilt."

As Amanda gave me look #1, Jackie Big Tits came to a hilarious end and the rest of the band came back onstage.

"Hey," I wondered, "have they done-?"

"-nope," she smiled back at me, knowing what song I was asking about. Just as she finished saying the word, the band played the opening chords to Sofa Song. My heart fucking exploded. Absolutely perfect...the beautiful, gorgeous, perfectly colored lust filled cherry on top. Her eyes were still on me when the lights began to whir and flash as the song kicked into high gear. We naturally pushed closer to the stage with everyone else. She closed her eyes ever so slightly and started nodding her head. Her body began to move to the beat of the song and then she opened her eyes and turned to look at the band.

"That's fucking quality, man!" she yelled at the stage. A strong sense of warmth bubbled up inside of me. It just couldn't be true...more perfect, again! She did it again. The song took me over and I realized that this simply beautiful piece of fun music...the lyrics...neatly summed up me and Amanda. We went out for some air...and a really mega band! I did my best to get under dress...she hated dresses...skirts...so her tight ass jeans!....and I succeeded...in ways that blew away my fantasies...and created more. The city was frozen before I met her and now that I was with her it heated up like a mother fucking inferno. Unlike Luke, however, I hadn't even had close to enough.

More. If you could pick one word that summed up how I felt about Amanda it was that one. More. Much more. A lot fucking more and right fucking now! And always more...

And really, it did more than heat up. As I watched her dig on the band, I got off on the world blurring and humming away again in that Infinite Amanda way. The LSD trails whirred around me as there was nothing but her and me. She looked over at me several times with that seriously stunning smile of hers and I felt happy...warm...safe. It was the kind of safe that you searched for your entire life...that you would do just about anything to keep. She could always make me feel that way with just a look or a simple touch. Sometimes it was simply two or three words in a conversation or a text.

I loved that feeling more than any other thing she ever gave to me.

I knew this was the last song of the night and I enjoyed every minute of it. Luke was running back and forth across the stage singing at the top of his lungs...giving everything he had to all of us. When the song ended, the crowd pushed forward to the stage in a rush of adulation. Amanda and I were pressed even closer together which was...fun. The Kooks left the stage which, in the way it was set up, had to be throughout part of the crowd so it was off to the side. They only had a few feet to get to the door which led downstairs to the dressing rooms and as they ran through the crowd, hugging and giving high fives to the crowd that had gathered there, I pulled Amanda to face me and yelled,

"Please fucking kiss me so you can feel everything I am feeling right now."

"I'm having all of that right now," she said and kissed me back hard. It really hurt...but I loved it.

As we had another deliriously long snog, the house lights came up and people started filing out around us. We were kissing when they went off  and now we were kissing when they came back on. Perfect again.

After a time, Amanda stopped and looked at me.

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Will you take the sword from the Lady in the Lake and be its guardian? Do you understand what I am asking?"

I nodded. She made certain.

"Can you make sure that you are always the messenger for Brit rock?"

"It would be my sacred duty as a knight of the Queen." I kneeled in front of her as people walked by looking at us as if we were ill. She pretended she had an imaginary sword and knighted me with a proud look on her face. Then she nodded in a way that was so serious...I was too serious too...that...well...I had to be me so I quickly stood up and got right into her face.

"Or let me put it to you another way....if Brit Rock were a fat fucking cock, I would suck that thing until my jaw clicked."

"Oh...you fucker!" She spat, laughed, and put her arm around my neck.

"Good," she said still giggling, "now that we have that settled...I could murder a cuppa right now."

"Now?"

"Well, I have to be more...awake for...later."

"Yes, well...if you insist," I smiled at the thought my cock going in that ass of hers.

"Besides, I think it's just about time that I told you more about Gary."

Holy-!

"Wow. Um..."

"Caught you off guard, there didn't I?"

"Just a little."

"Yeah, that's good," she smiled, "you never know what you are going to get with me!"

We got our coats, made our way outside and started walking down First Avenue. Rosen's was the first bar we saw.

"Dude, let's just go in here," I said.

"Sure."

We got inside and found a table rather quickly. Even though the Fine Line was packed and it was Friday night, there was no doubt in my mind that ninety percent of all the other bars were empty. Twin Cities, remember? I'm sure people were home watching TV, playing video games, or staring at a wall in a vegetative state thinking about their cabins. We pretty much had the place to ourselves. The waitress came over right away. Amanda was quick to the draw.

"Tea, please."

"I'll have...oh...another Summit."

"Good show then, huh mate?" Yeah, that's right. I saw a British band with a British person who I had recently fucked the crap out of in a dozen different ways. So I was feeling pretty fucking quality.

"No shit. Wow they were fucking mega. It was perfect. It just kept getting more perfect. You were perfect."

"So were you. I didn't realize how incredible to would be to watch you watch the band. You're like..." She couldn't find the words. Neither could I.

"Yeah..."

"You know," she smiled.

"Yes. I know."

"Although, I could do anything with you and be happy. I could sit on a park bench and drink 40s and be thoroughly entertained."

"40s? Where did you learn that term?"

"Guess."

"Ah...Ms. Graber."

"And I wouldn't want to drink those with her."

"Why?"

"She's a mean drunk."

"She can be" I didn't want to talk about Sara so I changed the subject.

"Why don't more people love like we do?" I wondered, "It's a fucking tragedy."

"Ehm...because they care more about the size of the memory on their ipod."

I snorted at that one.

"See? You come up with shit too. That is fucking amazing!"

"Yeah, I do have loads of good stuff," she said smiling proudly.

"Lay another one on me."

"Alright. Men..."

"...yes?" I inquired thinking this was going to be about Gary.

"...never look good in speedos."

"What? Get the fuck out of here."

"They never do."

"What like...ever?"

"Never."

"What about those swimmers? They look good. They're thin."

"Never."

"C'mon-"

"-never!"

"Strict, aren't we?"

"About speedos...oh yeah."

"Men are dicks," I stated trying to steer the conversation in the direction of Gary

"Yeah...pretty much."

Hmm. She didn't bite. Since I'm me and can't let the silence just hang there but yet was too nervous to ask about Gary...

"Did you ever meet that guy Paul that Sara dated a while back?" I guess I was going to talk about Sara. See, you can't escape her. She is ever present no matter how hard you try.

"I dunno. Doesn't sound familiar."

"You would remember him...that guy was a total cock."

"Well, we have come to the conclusion that men are dicks so that is stating the obvious."

"This guy was a total fuck, though. The first time I met him-"

"-this sounds like a story-" she perked up.

"It is...I guess...sort of a short one."

"Is there such a thing with you?"

"Hee Hee...yes. Very amusing. Anyway, the first time I met him, he told me about his trip to....CanadIA."

"Canadia? Wha-" The waitress came back with our drinks and we thanked her.

"I shit you not, sir. Canadia."

"Is that where elven folk and little people with magical flutes live?"

"Maybe in his fucked up head. Of course, I corrected him right away and said 'Canada' to which he replied, 'No, it's Canadia.'"

"You are joking!"

"No, it's true. I laughed thinking that it was a joke. It wasn't. He was serious. He informed me that is what they actually call it there...that we here in American have it wrong...at which point I looked at Sara and she gave me look #2."

"Ooo..."

"That's not even the worst part."

"Oh boy."

"A few nights later I got the 'black people don't know no better' line."

"Please tell me Sara did not fuck him."

"She did. A lot, I guess. I spent days trying to convince her how much of a d bag Paul was but she just wouldn't listen."

"Horrifying.."

"Yes, and even more horrifying was his plan to kill Chinese people."

"To do...what?!?"

"He had this plan to begin murdering Chinese people because, according to him, they were taking over."

"So, Sara dated a neo Nazi."

"Pretty much. She broke up with him about a week or so after the night he told me he wanted to destroy Chinese people...at which point I asked her what the fuck? Then she got really mad at me. How dare I question her? And what business is it of mine? To be fair, Sara and I hadn't known each other long so maybe I was out of line-"

"-but even still-"

"-yeah, seriously. I think that was the last of her 'bad boys' if you will. I didn't think one of her bad boys would be a racist, though."

"Bad boy phase. I'm not certain if I have had one of those yet."

"Please don't. I fucking hate the bad boy phase."

"Why?"

"Because...well...women I have dated or just friends of mine...it's just so fucking irritating to watch. Monumentally frustrating and extremely maddening. I know I am not a bad boy-"

"-that's bollocks-"

"-well that way I am but not in the way I mean. I'm not a loser. Women in the bad boy phase like to date the biggest fuckos you can possibly imagine..guys that treat them like absolute shit or are complete douche bags and yet they go back for more consistently. And they seem to do it just to spite me."

"Because the world revolves around you."

"Yes. Yes it does," I said with conviction even though I knew I was completely full of shit,  "I'm just saying that I have never understood it. These are great women I'm talking about here and they are with...those guys?"

"Well, I'm with one of those guys."

"Gary is a bad boy?"

"No..not really...he's just a lazy git."

"So tell me about him," I said quietly, in the least obtrusive way possible. I was dying to know was why someone as stunning as her was with such a douche.

"Ehm...alright. I suppose I have been avoiding this for awhile," she sighed, "and actually the best way to really understand him is with a...story!"

"Ripping me off now, huh?"

"Imitation is the highest form of flattery."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"So, last year it was Gary's birthday. I figured I would give him a big surprise. I set it up at work..at the restaurant...secretly...so he would have the night off. I planned for him to show up...thinking he would have to work...and surprise!!...we would be off together for our night. I got a hotel room, ordered some nice wine, set up a romantic dinner at the hotel and get dressed up in the sluttiest outfit I could find."

"Caked on red lipstick on the lips?"

"Ready for a cock to slide in..."

"Will you marry me?" I was kidding...mostly.

"It gets better," she laughed, "he shows up for work at the restaurant...they tell him he doesn't have to work and a hot, slutty chick is waiting for him at the bar."

"You?"

"Moi."

"I am serious...will you marry me?" I was kidding...somewhat.

She paused for a moment and gave me the 'I want to show daddy my ass in the way he needs to see it' look and then continued.

"So, I am at the bar and he comes over. He doesn't really react when he sees me...all tarted up and all."

"Umm...what?"

"Yeah, like it's no big deal."

"What a cock."

"Yes, he was. So then I tell him that I want him to make me his bitch...all night."

"Fucking A!" We both laughed. "I mean," I said pointing at her, "fucking A!"

"Well, that's how I treat my men."

"Dude, let's go to Vegas now and get married," I was kidding...a little.

"Sara told me you hated flying."

"Strap me to the wing of the plane...fuck, I'll fly on top of that motherfucker like surf board at 30,000 micky frickin feet."

"You are..." she just giggled and covered up her mouth. We sat gooey eyed at each other for a moment.

"Ok...so what happened after that," I said, trying to steer us back to the rest of the story.

"I tried to blow off his reaction and told him to come with me. I brought him to the hotel and he basically had the same reaction that he did when he saw me in my slutty outfit."

"What was the outfit, by the way?"

"Ehm....think naughty French maid and FMPs."

At that point, I had to stand up.

"Jesus H. Johnson," I yelled so most of the bar could hear me, "the future Mrs. Mark Ward, ladies and gentlemen!"

Amanda cracked up and tried to get me to sit down. I wouldn't. I was too excited. Since it was a bar in Minnesota, no one really paid attention to me.

"What the fuck kind of man...Jesus....seriously...who...I just-"

Amanda continued to laugh and motioned for me to sit down.

"I can't sit down," I yelled and wildly swung my arms around in the air, "this is...just so fucking unbelievable. He had you...YOU...in a naughty French maid outfit, caked on red lipstick, asking to be his bitch, with wine and a hotel room and he....LAUGHED?" I was outraged."Is he fucking retarded?"

"Actually, I think he is legally retarded according to the state of Minnesota."

"So what happened the rest of the night."

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing?"

"I mean nothing."

"Wait. You guys didn't-"

"-nope-"

"-not even?-"

"Nothing. We ate dinner and watched TV. There was dancing at hotel but he complained of not being able to dance so we went to bed."

"Stunning. What exactly is his problem?"

"He's just--well..." She looked away and around the bar, "he just doesn't look at me the way you do. I'm not sure if he ever did. That really sums it up."

And then I thought I saw a tear. To this day, I'm not 100 percent sure if it was or wasn't but I swear I saw her start to cry. She was very adept at hiding her feelings. She put her hand over her face and quickly wiped it away so I really couldn't tell for certain. She was upset, though, as the magnitude of what was going to happen set in. I could tell that she was going to end it. I felt it and started to believe that she wanted to say it out loud. She needed to say it out loud.

I had this feeling (Mel...full force) I should just fucking go for it. I did.

"Are you going to break up with him?"

She took in a deep breath.

"Probably."

At that moment, the collected works of John Phillip Souza began to play in my head. I had visions of myself helping old ladies across the street to church and sitting with them throughout the service, kissing babies, volunteering to help people less fortunate than myself...doing it all while dancing a mother fucking jig. I did the best job I possibly could of containing my glee but, as all goddesses are, she could tell exactly what I was feeling. She broke into that smile of hers.

"My oh my...whatever are we so happy about?" she asked sarcastically.

I laughed and put my head down on the table...covering it up with my hands. I sat back up almost right away.

"Nice red face there, copper," she teased.

"I can't help it. I'm totally fucking retarded for you. You're so gorgeous and wonderful and you shouldn't be with a guy that treats you like that. Or doesn't appreciate you the way I would...like the fucking goddess you are."

She did the lower lip bite gasping thing again which made me take that extra step that she always inspired me to take.

"And you have a tight vag so...."

"...you are thankful that it doesn't feel like you are throwing a hot dog down a hallway, huh?" she said, keeping up with me perfectly, which stunned me and made me crack up.

"You!" I cried loudly, doing a semi bad imitation of her "you!" I was fairly drunk so my inhibitions about conversation were gone.

"I just want you to know, Mr. Ward, that you," she said pointing to me with her index finger, "have met your match in me." As soon as she said "me" she turned her thumb around and pointed it right at her chest. Her green eyes were happily defiant.

"OK, we need to go so I can fuck you now," I said.

"OK."

"And can we kiss a lot while I am inside of you?"

"OK."

"Because I like having that big tongue in my mouth."

"OK."

"You know, it's like you are hypnotized when I talk to you. You are all like...yeah...yeah..ok...yes...we are doing that....yes I will do that..yes you can go ass to mouth-"

"-hey, wait a minute. A trip to the loo, first, sir."
Wait. Did she....just....oh boy...
"Are you saying I can go ass to mouth someday? And all it will take is a trip to the loo? To do...whatever it is...that you do in there?"
Silence. And a smile. Then, of course, a snog which was interrupted by the waitress with our tab. We paid it, still half snogging and hustled out the door.

As we quickly walked down the street, she said, "Oh, and you sort of lucked out by the way."

"How so?"

"Well, I got my period at the beginning of the week but it actually wasn't due until today. So someone up there must have been looking out for us."

"There's no doubt about that. Curious, though..something we haven't talked about..period sex..yea or nay?" I asked.

"Depends...on how much you need it really. If a girl...and I have been known to feel this way...really must have that cock inside...there...well...lay down a towel-"

"-a red or darker colored one-"

"-right, not white for heaven's sake, and shag on."

"That is exactly how I feel."

"So, you don't mind having a bloody cock?" she asked.

"Not in the least. Gotta do it in the mess sometimes, remember?"

She gave me a nice warm November hug.

The ride home was quiet which was very nice. We had talked about many things over the course of the last six hours. It was good to let it all soak in. The experience alone at the show was reason enough to reflect. I had never seen a show that had been more amazing than that one and it was all because of her and me...together. Letting that memory drip all over both of our dreamy, tired, end-of-the-night and still semi sweaty bodies was bliss. As downtown turned into uptown, a wave of excitement built up inside of me. My cock was going to go in her ass...probably within the hour. I couldn't help but smile.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" she asked, smiling.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Oh, what sort of lubricant do you have at your flat?"

"Wet Light."

"Water based?"

"Oh yeah."

"Good."

We both half smiled at each other.

"Good" she repeated.

And then we both busted out laughing.

"This is going to be fun," I said sounding all Ward Cleaver.

"Mmmm..." she replied quietly.

We pulled up in the back. I saw that Will's truck was gone so I figured he must be out or on an overnight somewhere. Probably with his fuck buddy...Betsy...Besty Blow J.

Cool. That was good because we could be as loud as we wanted. I knew I was going to be loud inside of that tight thing.  I grabbed Amanda's overnight bag (money) out of the back and carried it in for her. There was one light on in the house-I always leave at least one so it seems like someone is at home-as we made our way into the living room.

"Drink?" I asked.

"Affirmative," she said sitting down on the couch.

"What do you-"

"-red wine-"

"-of course. Me too."

I got out a bottle of wine and opened it up. I brought two glasses over to the table by the couch and poured them. I handed her a glass and sat down very close to her. We each took a sip.

"So?" she asked.

"So...as in..?" I wondered.

"How long is going to take you to get off you kit?"

FOURTEENTH SONG: JUST LOOKING(DVD Live from Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, 2001) BY STEREOPHONICS

"Don't you just wake up in the morning and thank God for my pussy?"
"Ass first....then pussy."
"So...what did you think of it? Ass booty...our first time. Describe how it felt. I don't have a dick so how the fuck would I know? And, let me tell you, I have always wanted to know...really hear about it from someone who is as descriptive as you. I've only had two other guys fuck me like that and they weren't exactly as open as you are about stuff. I would ask them what it felt like and they would reply in one word answers...'nice'...'good'...that kind of crap. In fact, they were  more like grunts, not actual words."
"Yep. Sounds like most men."
"But you're different...the way you are with words...tell me what it felt like for you."
"What do you want exactly...a play by play?"
"Yeah. What does it feel like to put your cock in someone's ass...my ass...I mean, I know what it feels like from my point of view. Holy crap did I come a lot! It makes my orgasms ten times more powerful."
"I could feel that. Your ass was like a vise grip...a pulsing vice grip on my cock when you came. How many times did you come?"
"I lost track. God, it felt so fucking good. You do have the perfect dick for ass fucking. It's not too big."
"Normally, that would make a fella feel bad. But, having just creamed up that butt of yours, I don't care."
Amanda and I were laying in bed being lazy on Saturday morning. We had spent all night fucking...in the living room...in the bedroom...in the shower..in the hallway between the bathroom and bedroom. I love this part of the relationship. You just can't get enough of each other and the desire is ever present. We finally fell asleep around 4am. Actually, it was just Amanda that fell asleep. I was so fucking amped from the whole night that I couldn't sleep at all. It was around 9am and we were all naked and snuggly.
She laughed. "So...dish. Tell me from your point of view. What does it feel like?"
"Alright...so let's see...I started with the cock head rubbing down the crack."
"Yeah, that was a nice tease."
"The view was great...of your ass...and my cock going in...just like it always is. Actually, I laughed a little bit as I was taking in the whole view. I looked down and saw the one sock on your upside down foot."
She threw a pillow at me.
"It should say something about how much I wanted you that I couldn't be bothered to muck about with it any longer...that I needed you right then and there...wanker!"
"Yes, we are talking about wankers. Anyway, so I saw your pussy there and I just had to fuck it...for a while, you know ...give it a little sugar. Hey, how did that feel, by the way, while you were playing with your clit?"
"What do you think?" she smiled.
"Awesome. I have to admit I was a little bummed out...your hands were busy with yourself so no ball cuppage-"
"-hey, I tickled them a little before I started playing with myself! And at the end when I was finished......which made you come in like two seconds, dude."
"Yeah, but you know me. I like the constant arousal."
"I had to though...play with my clit...because-"
"-then I put it in your ass and it got your mind off the pain that is associated with a cock in there-"
"-plus it also enhances the pleasure more too. Speaking of arousing..I'll tell you what was especially arousing was when you spread my ass. You really make a point of doing that a lot. Fuck! That felt so good. I loved that feeling of my clit shifting."
"Yeah, I did that right away when I put in in your booty. I could feel that"
"How did it look...and feel?"
"Amazing...warm...really snug...just fucking tight as hell, 'manda."
"Tell me more..."
"It was just....ahhh," I said rubbing my head and eyes in search of the words...the perfect words, which spilled out really fast, "...all fucking tight and hot in there and the way it all looked...with your ass up in the air...I just fucking loved it. Oh!..and the first thrust was fucking great. I didn't have to wait until the fifth or sixth-"
"-I think ass fucking has special rules-"
"-fuck yeah it does!"
"Well, the thing that really made the first thrust so great was what you said...you and the talking again..."
She smiled.
"You are really...," I continued, "really a great coach-"
"-coached my neighborhood football team-"
"-get the fuck out of here! Wait...we are sooo not talking about that...activity..no w-"
"-well it's true. I did. And yes, we are going to talk about it until you appreciate it for how super cool it is."
"Never."
"We'll see"
We both stopped and stared all gooey eyed at each other. And then...snogged like crazy for ten minutes. When Amanda came up for air, she blurted out,
"Real quick subject change and then back to the cock in my bum thing...what WAS that mix you played last night while we were fucking? On the ipod?"
"That would be The Shag Mix."
"Cool...God, that was so fucking good, dude. What were some of those songs? Wait...let me see if I remember...well there was...'The Look of Love'-," she said snapping her fingers.
"-Dusty Springfield-"
"-I heard 'Call Me' by Mike Flowers Pops-"
"-Astrud Gilberto "Fly Me To the Moon-"
"-LOVE that one...drips with sensuality..so hot-
"-Jack Jones-"
"-was that the highly sexist one about the woman making sure she looks pretty so her man doesn't cheat on her?"
"Yep. Love that one. It was written in the early 60s, though, so you have to think of the time period...Kennedy Era Cool."
"That's one of those songs that, as a woman, you love and hate."
"How so?"
"You love it because you want to be the sexy whore for your man...treated like a piece of meat on occasion...it's a turn on...but it's also quite misogynistic so you have to walk a fine line."
"Have I..well....how have I....walked that line so far?"
"Wonderful. Oh yeah...I feel very comfortable around you...loved the spanking when you were fucking my ass...not too rough but hard enough that I felt turned on by being a piece of meat....so, why was I such a good coach...with you...last night...and this morning?"
"What you said...right before...you said 'Stick that fucking thing in there!'....dude, that was so fucking hot. You were so forceful...such authority...like you really needed it-"
"-I did really need it. It's been ages since I was that horny. The whole night just made me feel that way. It was perfect. And sometimes a gal just needs a dick in her ass."
"Man, that makes me feel so good that I can turn you on like that. I have to say, though, that I was worried that I wasn't going to last more than three or four thrusts. Momma was giving out the good sugar."
"What can I say...you inspire me!"
"Ha! I think that is the other way around, there soul sister. Good thing Will wasn't home because holy fuck were you loud! I think the neighbors heard for sure."
"So what? They're probably just jealous."
"I like the way you sound when you come...that.....ahhhhh....ah.....ah-huh!!...ahhhh....ah-"
"-shut up. Ok, now you are embarrassing me-" She threw another pillow at me.
"-what, I'm sure I sound...well...interesting, too."
"You say the word 'no' alot."
"What? Get the fuck out of here."
"You do."
"I don't say no...I mean...why would I be negative? It was so fucking good. Maybe it was 'oh' instead of 'no.'"
"It was no. I took it to mean that you were telling yourself to not come so fast," she smiled, "like...'hold off, Mark. Wait for it a little while longer...no...no...no'"
"Weird...I had no idea I do that. It is the heat of the moment, after all."
"True.We both came pretty fast, too."
"Well, we had all the foreplay. Those green eyes of yours look so great when they are looking up at me with my cock in your mouth."
"Yes, you do have to check in from time to time during a blow j to make sure that the feller is enjoying himself."
"I certainly was. I kept thinking about how my cock, which was in your mouth, was soon going to be in that booty."
"I knew you were...that's what made it better..made me more horny and want to give it all I had."
"No shit you did. How fast did we come anyway?" I inquired.
"I think I got off in about three minutes...a non masturbating record for me...and you were pretty close behind me...pun fully intended"
"Mmmm...I'm sure I was less than five...minutes, that is."
"We really fuck well together, don't we?"
"Mmm-hmm. How did you sleep last night?"
"Best I have in years...or really since that last time I was here. It's very comfortable here. You?"
"I didn't really sleep last night."
"Why?"
"Well..." I stopped, very uncertain as to whether I should tell her why I didn't sleep.
"Ok, this has to cease and desist. You have to say things...or follow through when you start something."
"It's just....umm...this is kinda intense-"
"-is there anything with you that is just even keel-?"
"-scrap booking, crafts, fabrics...that sort of thing."
"Aargh...rubbish!," she yelled and threw a pillow at me, "I fucking hate crafts. Gary's sister is really into scrap booking...just loads of that...shit laying around her place. It's really sickening. And I really hate the smell of fabric. She took me to a craft store once and I just about puked and....why on earth are you smiling right now?"
It took about a ten seconds of me devilishly smiling at her before she realized why I was...
"Fucking hell...," she said looking both exasperated and terrified. She put her hand over her mouth in fear.
"Yeah, that's right. It's on."
"I am such a--I can't tell you anything." She turned her back to me briefly and then turned back.
"No, you shouldn't."
"Please don't do anything with this," she said quietly with hands folded, which sounded and looked really funny and serious, "I really hate crafts. I will have to kick your ass."
I put on my "evil villain from a 1950s bad sci fi flick" voice and rubbed my hands together.
"The clever fiendishness of my evil plot will be brilliant, Dr. Tomorrow! Haa haa haa haa! Hee hee hee!" I yelled, laughing in the best maniacal voice I could muster.
"Of course it will," she said in what I could tell was mock protestation, "but we have now lost the plot."
"Ah, right, my intense thing. Well, alright. Here's the deal. That first night I was so tired that I literally just passed out. But last night...and from now on I fear...I am so amped about being around you that I just can't sleep. All night I was thinking about how limited time is...life, really...and how that's just fucking rotten. I mean, you are going to leave on Sunday and then when will I see you again?"
"I don't know."
"Right." Ok. That sucked. In the back of my mind, I started to OCD about it. Kind of in the front actually too. Was I really going to have to wait another two weeks to see her? What if it was longer? Fuck, I just wanted to be around her all the time....yep, pretty much all the time.
"So, I just don't want to miss a minute with you," I continued, "even it is just listening to you sleep next to me while I stare at the ceiling...thinking about how mega it is to listen to music with you...to fuck you...to love you....start a scrap booking club with you-"
"Piss off," she yelled with venom as she threw another pillow at me.
"But no...seriously I don't want to miss a minute with you," I said, grabbing her and pulling that sweet bod on top of me. She leaned down into my face and kissed me.
"You are going to have me all the rest of this weekend."
"Mmm...yeah. About that...I just realized that Sara and I...and this was before I knew you would be spending the weekend with me...were going to hang out tonight at her place."
"So?"
"I mean-I thought we were just going to hang out last night...maybe some this morning," I said smiling, "and then...well..."
"Yessss?"
"Well, what do you want to do? I mean I can call her and tell her that she and I could hang out a different time?"
"Why on earth would you do that? Let's both go over."
"Um.."
"What?"
"It's just that the three of us haven't hung out since...you and I fucked a lot. Maybe I should call her and let her know that both of us are coming."
"She's my best friend. Let's just show up."
"Without telling her?"
"Who cares?"
"She might."
"Ehm...why the fuck would she care?" she started to look and was definitely sounding perturbed.
"Things have to be that Sara way...because Sara is...Sara." All of the things she had said to me about Amanda came to the front of my mind. I almost told Amanda everything that Sara had said. Honestly, I felt like I should. For cripes sakes, I just had my dick in her ass. How much more personal can you get? It felt wrong to hide it from her. If she would have asked me, I would have, for sure, but she didn't so I didn't volunteer anything. That image of Sara's curling iron going up my ass gave me pause as well.
"What is it with you two anyway? Have you ever-?" she asked
"-no. There just never seems to be the right moment."
"And I'm sure she makes you feel like that's all your fault."
"No. Not exactly...well, sometimes that is true. Wait...what the fuck does that mean?"
Amanda didn't say anything and just pursed her lips.
"Do you think Sara is that manipulative?"
"All women are. I am. When she does it, though..I don't know...it just bothers me more."
And there it was again. We hate in others what we fear in ourselves. That sweet little voice of Mel's was singing in my head. She was right and this time it was about Amanda, not Sara. A slither of doubt came into my mind about Amanda which made me really uncomfortable. Combine that with the OCD about not knowing when I was going to see her again and the Amanda stomach churn started up again. Just how manipulative was Amanda? At least she had the stones to admit it.
"So...why haven't you and Sara fucked?" she asked.
"It's strange. I think she is super fucking hot-"
"-she is-"
"-and have thought about fucking her from behind a zillion times...Jesus that ass...and she really likes it that way-"
"-we all do-"
"-we have a lot of the same interests and look at life the same way-"
"-so do you and I-"
Ooooook...what was this? When did this become a competition? Why did she keep bringing herself into the conversation? Odd, that she was acting...insecure? Is that what she was doing? Fucking women....I pushed the thought out of my head and went on.
"-true. With me and Sara...it just never quite gets there although we have really wanted it to sometimes. Y'know, there have been a few moments when I think she has really wanted me to fuck her but I was caught up in something else. Or I just didn't feel it. Most of the times it's her that doesn't feel it though. She's the longest relationship I have ever had with a woman, other than my mom and sister, in which there has been no fucking. And yet, I feel that if we went over there together...after all of our fucking...she would be jealous and pissy. I ended up fucking you before her even though she has said no to me. It's like I picked you and like you better."
"Well, you do, don't you?"
Still the competition...why?
"As a lover...fuck yeah. As friends, I have known her longer...but I also feel like I've known you just as long...even though I haven't," I said, shaking my head in confusion and rubbing my hands over my pretty much bald head, "this whole thing is really interesting. Holy Crap...that was a hell of a question....do I like you better? Really?"
"Really got you thinking now, don't I," she smiled and seemed to enjoy how uncomfortable I was which, I have to say, gave me an odd mix of belonging and being pissed of at her.
"Does she even know that you are here all weekend?"
"I told her that we were going to see the Kooks last night. I assume she was under the impression that we would be spending the night together."
"But not all weekend, though. Fuck! Dude, I don't know if we should do this. I mean, Sara doesn't know you are coming."
"So?"
"Well...this could get...weird."
"Why? She and I are best friends. I've told you..."
"But--look remember when we were at the Urban...the night we first kissed?"
"Yeah."
"The three of us? There was that moment?"
"I don't remember."
"Dude, c'mon. Mel broke it up with her 'Drop It Like It's Hot' Dance."
"Ehm...maybe." I could tell she wasn't being fully truthful. Her eyes were looking all around the room and not at all at me. I was quickly learning that Amanda was the kind of person that didn't dwell too much on the past, mainly with emotional issues. Funny stories from the days of yore were cool but she just didn't look at the past in any kind of serious way. Not like me who would build a fucking monument to it in my mind and fully require all of my emotions to have a never ending ribbing cutting ceremony for the damned thing. Essentially, Amanda was all....the past? Mmm...what? Next! It was starting to make me nervous. And wonder exactly what that 'Thank You' story was because it must have been pretty fucking important.
"It sucked, man," I lamented, "I remember thinking how...y''know...here are three people who really all love each other but because of what is now going on there...all this stuff...there are all these...this shit. We just can't be three."
"Let's sort it, then," she said popping out of bed and going into the bathroom to get some water, "tonight!"
"That's going to go over well."
"It will be fine. You worry too much," she said hollering from the bathroom.
"Mmm.." I groaned as loud as I could and put a pillow over my head. I took it off right away and looked towards the bathroom. I heard her getting more water as she yelled across the hall to me.
"Your flat is amazing. I wanted to tell you this before but I was focused on something else," she grinned and peaked out the door so I could see her through the hall, "it's like a museum to music. The posters...all the CDs...actually it's like a church...a place for worship...worshiping all the music from my home land...so wonderful."
The urge I had to continue to talk about Sara was pushing me hard. I wanted this thing resolved but I knew it wouldn't until we all get together...if even then. I heard my father's voice and laid off. Besides, I had something funny to say.
"If Brit rock were an ass, I would fuck it."
I heard her cackle from the bathroom.
"You are so-!"
"So what?"
"I just love how non chalant you are about talking about sex. And graphic! It's so...dynamic. And you just shift subjects with such ease. Here we are talking about what a shrine you flat is and then suddenly there is a dick in someone's ass."
"It's funny that you mention that...the shrine...the worshiping music from your home land thing not the ass fucking thing. The night we first got together you were like a high priestess in a church with The Subways song...Rock n Roll Queen."
"Just remember that you made me that fucking way," she said running back in from the bathroom and hopping into bed all girl pretend shivery and shit.
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"Don't you forget it. You are stellar...my bright shining star, Mr. Ward and this shaky, Woody Allenesque no confidence thing is cute once in awhile but I like fucking men....real men...passionate men-"
"-men who are....rugby players wearing Irish Spring deoderant?"
"Piss off!"
Wow. Real men? Talk about a kick in the ass. But that was Amanda...
"Now," she went on, very determined and sitting up, "you making me come all night has inspired me. I think I have waited long enough. It is now time to tell you..."
My heart lept and my face clearly revealed what I hoped was coming.
"...no, not that one. And you have to stop asking me about that. It's only going to make me turn inward more."
I couldn't help but look disappointed, which caused her to give me a cautious smile. But because it was Amanda, she knew how to perk me up instantaneously.
"I am going to tell you about the time I met and hung out with...Kelly Jones."
Imagine one of those old films from the 50s of the atomic bomb going off. Now imagine all of them exploding simultaneously. That is about one percent of how excited I felt when I said,
"WHAT THE FUCK!!??" I sat bolt upright in bed and turned to look at her.
She nodded her head knowing she looked all that.
"How did you-when did you-how come you never-" I asked, going into full hyper ventilation superfastspeak. Basically, I was spastic.
"Maybe, I shouldn't tell you," she smiled slyly, turned her back to me, and laid down on her side. When a woman lies like this...on the bed, it is one of her biggest weapons. She knows how good she looks...lying there in a beautiful white sheet which slightly reveals a little of her body and all of her gorgeous curves, especially the one that dips down the side of her waist line and swings wonderfully up to her hips. Her hair tussled from a long night's fucking...her back which maybe has a few freckles on it...the way her ass looks poking out just a little...it's an image that calls out madly for a spoon. So when a woman gets pouty or mad and does this...which makes a man frustrated and angry...well let's just say that the man? Yeah, he's got nothing. So when I said,
"Dude, do not even...,"
it was so unbelievably pathetic...and she knew it...that I think she might've taken pity on me.
She glanced over her shoulder with a smoldering look and then fully turned around.
"Ha! I wouldn't tease you like that and then not follow through...not even with the naughty bits," she said smiling and pointing to my cash and prizes.
"Ok, so...man...wow...when the FUCK did you meet Kelly Jones. Oh wait, you guys are from the same home town so it was probably when you were both 8 or something lame like that. A kiddie birthday party?"
"No...not like that...I fucking met him when we was in Stereophonics...actually, they were called Tragic Love Company at the time." She muttered something unintelligible under her breath about me being a "right bastard" or something. I smiled and ignored it.
"Wow. Cool name-" I said before she kept going.
"-yeah, they got it from their favorite three bands when they formed in the early 90s...Tragically Hip, Mother Love Bone, and Bad Company-"
"-what a combination..."
She was quiet for just a second (hour!)...must've been swallowing or something. I was dying.
"So...fuck dude!" I said loudly, kicking my feet impatiently on the bed like a little kid.
"Alright," she said patiently, sitting up and crossing her legs,"...so, it's 1996...March I think...and my mate Nadine and I hear about this show over at the Coliseum theater...this band called the Pocket Devils-"
"-another great fucking name-"
"-yeah, we heard they were good and we really needed some fun. We were both 19 at the time and there really wasn't much going on around town. We were so bored and didn't have much money. So we heard about a show at the Coliseum...the Coliseum is in Trecynon near Aberdare..." She was staring right at me and using her hands to tell the story in a frenetic way like she couldn't wait to get everything out.
"Is that near Cwmaman?"
"Yep. Cwmaman is basically Aberdare...same post area. We are about 24 miles away from Cardiff so it was an easy drive to see shows or hit the shops...when we could afford it. Times were really hard back then and I had all sorts of odd jobs. I was actually a garbage hauler for two weeks. The lorry was so poxy. Yech!"
"True...but I hear they make good money."
"Maybe here but not in Cwmaman and Aberdare."
"And that is where Kelly is from as well...you never saw him as a kid?"
"He was older than me...I knew of him...and had heard at one point that he was in a cover band or something. They played the men's clubs but I never saw 'em. His da' was always round the pub. Anyway, we heard there was a good band...the Pocket Devils...coming to our town at the Coliseum so we were like...cool...we don't have to drive to Cardiff. And we both had a little money so we bought tickets."
"How much were they?"
"About ten quid a piece. Not bad for three bands."
"Sure."
"So we get to the show right before Tragic Love Company-ehm Stereophonics-are about to go on. The place is packed and everyone is bloody pissed. Nadine, who is skinny, hot, and very much a rocknrolla is drawing blokes like bees to honey. We had free pint after free pint bought for us. Often did with her around. It was cool...free drinks!"
"What did you look like back then?"
"'Bout the same...less lines in my face...a little less weight in the rear."
"Sad..."
"...for you. I'd love to have that body back again. Anyway, so Kelly and the lads go on and just fucking rip up the joint. The whole place becomes a bloody rager. I had a pint splashed on me straight away."
"What songs did they do? Any that I would know?"
"They did Local Boy, Thousand Trees-"
"-love that one-"
"-More Life, Chaplin, Traffic-"
"-fucking LOVE that one."
"-yeah, me too...the lipstick line-"
"-my favorite too-"
"-they did a bunch of covers because they were still a young band then with not much material. I guess they played for about an hour. Nadine was off and back about a thousand times talking to any cute lad that came around. She wasn't all that interested in the band-"
"-love girls like that....not!
"I'm not like that. I just stood and watched them play. His voice....fuck! He just has the best voice doesn't he?" she said still hyper animated in a fucking gorgeous way.
"It's a total rock and roll voice. It's smokes, whiskey, pot...fucking everything in one massive yell. It just gets you right here," I said grabbing my sack.
"-which is where he sings it from as well," she smiled.
"True. His voice is just perfect. Little guy...but big voice."
"And boy is he little! You should see what he looks like up close."
"So you met him there then?"
"No...so we watched the other bands who, quite frankly, were not as good. When the show was over, Nadine wanted to go to Harelquin's...which is a skittle club in town...oops!...bowling is what you yanks call it. I've never been much to roll but it was kinda the place to be at the time. We get there and the place is packed with people from the show most of which are bloody poured. Squeezing our way through the sweaty arses, we finally manage to get a couple of pints and spent...oh...I guess it was an hour..maybe more...chatting up the lads there. They were all about Nadine but there was one bloke...don't remember his name but I sussed him out for a snog and he seemed groovy. He had really wispy cute blond hair and quite a pleasant voice. He looked like Lee Mavers in the early days...gorgeous! We started talking...the kiss almost happened...and then I realized that the several pints that I had been drinking finally had caught up with me."
"Broke the beer hymen, did you?"
She laughed that sharp snort of hers.
"Fuck, I love you. That's in my vocab now," she said, kissing me and quickly getting back to the story, "so I had to go for a piss. I get back to the bog--the ladies bog--and go into one of the stalls. I pee and just as I was about to flush, I hear this moan."
"Someone fucking in the next stall?"
"That's what I thought...someone shagging. Or two someones. Or maybe a suck job occurring. Actually it was three stalls down. So I peaked under and saw just one pair of legs...and an arm...and a stomach...and part of a head."
"Huh?"
"It was someone...one person...passed out--or semi passed out--in the stall at the end. Just bloody poured. The folk were squashed up against the side of the stall and and the toilet all contorted and screwy. I finish up in my stall and go down there to see if the person needed any help. As I got closer I realized that it was a man and not a woman. I laughed out loud thinking that the tosser had to be pretty pissed to not know the difference between the gents and the ladies. I go into his stall and help him sit up straight...pulling him out from behind the toilet. He looked like he was inspecting that gross part behind the stool! After I got him all adjusted, I realized who it was."
"No..."
"The great Kelly Jones...fucked off his ass."
"Holy shit. What did you do?"
"I helped him over to the sink...he could barely stand up-"
"-had he barfed in the-"
"-yeah, pretty gross...it looked like he had drank a lot of Guinness so it was like a dark chocolate milk shake-"
"-special-"
"-he must have been in the bar somewhere living it up but it was so packed I couldn't see him-"
"-plus he's so tiny-"
"-yeah, so I splashed some water on his face and then he just had to sit down again. He was barely conscious. His eyes were sort of rolly polly. I tried to wake him up by telling him that his band was mega and sure to go places but what he really needed was some air. So, I told him to stay here and he mumbled something incoherent back to me. I went and got Nadine and brought her back to to the bathroom, which she wasn't very happy about..some lad or some such. Kelly was basically passed out sitting up with drool coming out of his mouth.
Nadine started to crack up and couldn't stop laughing. I tried to get her to be serious for a minute so we could both get him up, out the back door, and into some air. She kept going on about what a 'big rock star' he was and how he was going to be just like the rest of the men in our town. Obviously not seeing what I saw or feeling what I had felt. Well, we finally got him up and straight out the back before anyone could see him although wherever he was earlier they probably saw him anyway. We moved slowly down the street. I didn't quite know where to go so we just started walking. Nadine began to complain that he was heavy."
"Heavy? Kelly?"
"Nadine didn't have much muscle on her. Thin as a twig. And besides, why don't you try to carry a pissed up bloke who can't walk on their own? It doesn't matter what size they are-"
"-true-"
"-so we are slopping along slowly and then I decided if we could just make it a few blocks we could get into the park-Aberdare Park-which was right in town. We used to go there when we were really young and drink cider in the middle of the night. That's where all the teenies hung out. But I reckoned that we could just flop Kelly down in the grass and let him get some fresh air. Maybe he would come around a little, y'know?
After a few stops to re-adjust his drunk ass, we made it in the park. We had to dodge some of the Goresedd stones-"
"-what are those-?"
"-druidic stones..smaller versions of Stonhenge-"
"-gotcha-"
"-and then Kelly tripped and fell in the flower bed next to Lord Merthyr-"
"-there was a Lord in the park late at night?-"
"-no, silly. His statue. He was a baron-a coal magnate-in the late 1800s. So we got Kelly out of there and finally found a patch of grass to all lay down on. Aberdare Park is a very nice old Victorian (snooty!) park which the youth always try to fuck about in late at night. There weren't that many people there, though, just a few mary jane smokers off in the distance. The fresh air was starting to do him some good. He started sounded more coherent. He tried to sit up but that didn't really work out so he just stayed down. Nadine asked him how he felt and he said that was checking his eyelids for holes."
"Holy crap! The song-"
"-I know!-"
"-and you heard it first-I mean the title-"
"-I know-"
"-fucking love you-"
"-I know."
We snogged for a few minutes. I felt her ass crack a little...ran my fingers up and down in a tickly way.
"So Kelly starts to come around?" I asked wanting to hear the end of the story.
"Right. He asks our names. We told him and then he said that the reason why he got so pissed was because right after his set, the rock manager Jo Brand-"
"-Holy fuck...Jo Brand?-"
"-yep, Jo was there to see the Pocket Devils but liked Kelly and the lads so much that they were signed on the spot. Jo informed him that it was pretty certain....because they were so fucking good...that a record deal was going to fucking happen with V2-"
"-wow-"
"-so he was just out of his mind delirious. And naturally had to get soused."
"I don't blame him. Imagine that moment when you hear-"
"-that you are going to be a fucking rock star-"
"-yeah and the whole world blurs and hums away-"
"-mmmm...yeah I know that feeling-"
"-it's actually how I feel when I hang out with you-"
"-me too!" she said and climbed on top of me for another snog.
"So what happened after that?"
"Well," she said wiping her mouth from the spittle from our extra moist (!) snog, "we...all slept together in the park."
"Wait...what? Do you mean you-?"
"No, we did not have a three way! You and your mind...we were all tired from the night and just laid together in the grass."
"So there were no shenanigans?"
"I think Kelly put his arm around Nadine and she snuggled up to him...which pissed me off because that was how it always worked with her. She would whine and prattle on about how lousy a bloke was but then end up with him. Now she was doing it with Mr. Future Rock Star...from a band she didn't give two shits about only hours before! They just snuggled though...that was about it. I remember that they fell asleep long before I did. I just...laid there...with my arms crossed behind my head...looking at the stars, breathing in the crisp air...late spring air in Aberdare is cold but not frigid....it felt pleasant. I just had this feeling that things were going to get better for me...better than the life I had there. I adore my family and always..still do...like to be able to come home to that place of warmth and comfort but I knew...I knew that was the beginning of my time to...not stay in one place too long...live life and explore. And, y'know I had a good buzz going from the booze...it was mega to think about all of that stuff...I was so focused from the buzz, y'know...I talk about it now and it's like it was just yesterday-"
"-like time always is-"
"-and my heart was so.....loving everything about music that night. They were so good and the lead singer was laying right next to me and I could hear him breathing. I knew he was going to be big. I knew he was going to be a rock star. He was going places and so was I. And see and that's why I love you. You like to tell stories. You're just like Kelly. You are going to go places as well. All of his songs are stories. Everything you say is stories. Those stories of yours...they are going to take you somewhere. I love your stories. It's what I want...in a man...a lover man. It's fucking quality!"
"Fucking INCREDIBLE story, Amanda. Just amazing. The girl I just fucked in the ass met Kelly Jones back in the mother fucking day. Well, I think it's official. Stereophonics are our band."
"They're all our band. The good ones anyway...."
"They ones from the Holy Land."
"And a few from here," she smiled, pointing and touching my chest.
"The stories..though...you know I wish we had more healing stories in this country."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, most of mine are sexual but they do heal with humor."
"And humour is always the best medicine," she said pronouncing "medicine" like "med-sin."
"Too many stories in our country today...it's like they all promote fear and paranoia. I think every American kid by age 7 has heard the story about the bump on this kid's skin that, when scratched, opens up and turns into a crawling pile of baby spiders!"
"What?!!?"
"Yeah, haven't you hear that one?"
"Thank the Lord I missed my childhood here," Amanda said wistfully.
"It's a good thing you did because they're all like that...it's like our country is one giant freak out fest with no calming or soothing stories to-"
"-to soften the spear-"
"-right. We lack any sort of female warmth and compassion. Plus all the stories that deal with sex are all geared around how 'sinful' it is-"
"It's really true. I noticed that right away when I moved here. It's really bad dude."
"No shit. It's-"
"-rubbish-"
"-right. Who are the ones to get horribly slaughtered in the horror films?"
"The ones that are fucking."
"Yep. And I'll tell you something else...what's worse is that some of the women we do have here are so bent on being as uptight about sex as possible that they misinterpret my....talk...about sex as being derogatory...as if any talk about sex is derogatory! The funny thing about that is that the reason why they think that is because MEN have quilted them into thinking that "ladies" should be proper. I fucking hate the moral shackles of rigidity and how I don't seem to fit in because I think there is nothing wrong with talking about fucking women in the ass, for example. I've always known...I just really need to be with a woman that is a fucking cock whore in the same way I am an ass/pussy/mouth whore"
"You have that now, la'! And...ladies can be proper and still get fucked in the ass...hard..."
"Exactly. See? That's my whole point. Why can't there be more women like you?"
"There are. You've only found three of them."
"I'm not holding my breath on finding any more."
"You will. I have faith. You...have this thing...you might talk 'dirty' but you are trustworthy. Women know they can go far with you but you won't get...you won't go to the bad place."
"Fuck, dude. That is exactly me and it's really nice to hear another voice say it. I guess I have always felt that way about myself but other people...it sucks...I listen to them too much."
"Don't. You know. You will, eventually, find enough people like you to keep you happy forever."
"Maybe...besides...I have all I need right here." I grabbed her ass and pulled her close to me for more snogging. I didn't really get hard because I was pretty fully drained but my mind wanted to fuck some more. My mind always wants to fuck more. It's that never ending drive I have that I so fucking love.
"You know," I said slyly, "the gift of cock..it is such a gift because it really does keep on giving in so many ways."
She cracked up and leaned in for another snog.
"What are you? Sixteen?"
"I think my mind is up for more but my cock is not."
"This is what I need," she said rolling off of me and laying on her back, "I like to fuck!"
She was shouting and throwing her arms up at the ceiling as if she was screaming at someone.
"Fucking Gary!" she cried.
Ok. That's who she was screaming at.
"Do you know something?" she asked loudly as she spun over on her side and looked at me, "when he fucks me...which is almost never...he is so paranoid about making me pregnant that he fucking pulls out when he comes...with a condom on!"
"Excuse me?"
"Yep. What a soddin' wanker. It's so...."
"Clinical?"
"Yes."
"Anti-septic?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"Like your yearly vag exam?"
"Ehm...not quite...but...wow...close. Ok, that image is now stuck in my mind...probably forever. I don't think I can fuck him again."
John Phillips Souza again.Bom Bom da Bom Bom...Pom Pom Pom Pom Pomp!
"So? Fuck me...my ass is ready!" I said rolling over on my stomach and sticking my ass up in jest.
"Are you sure you flunked being gay?" she laughed and slapped my ass.
And then I had a thought in my head that, as per the usual, I needed to get out. A serious thought.
"One thing I do need to tell you about," I said rolling back over.
"Sounds ominous."
"Not really....well...I don't know.."
"Ok, now I'm worried."
"No, it's not a big deal it's just that most women I know always like..."
"What?"
"Flowers."
"That's true. They do. I mean....I do like getting flowers."
"Yeah, I can never buy them for you."
"Why? Ooo! Is this like one of those old fairy tales where if you do buy them for me, then I turn to dust," she joked in a semi maniacal voice.
"No, it's just-" I was grasping for a way to tell her about one of my biggest insecurities.
"Ok. But didn't you ask me...right after our first snog...what my favorite flower was?"
"Yeah. But that was for something else...another reason."
"But...OK, wait...why can't you buy flowers for me? Let's settle that first."
I just relented and let it all out.
"Because the same shit always happens. Every time I have bought flowers for a woman it's always bad luck. What happens next is always the same...every time without fail. First, there's less sex...or none in some cases. And then comes the laundry list of complaints about yours truly which suddenly appears as if out of someone's ass. This is immediately followed by the woman becoming a brick wall (see: male, year 1958, thoroughly  incapable of empathy). Then we have ejection from the capsule...always a clam bake. Finally, we end with me finding out that they are dating the biggest fucking douche bag in the history of female sanitary napkins immediately preceded by them not fucking returning my phone calls or texts. And this dude? We're talking a real head scratcher here, especially looks wise. I mean, I know that I am no George Clooney but always...and I mean always....I am a fuck of a lot closer....thousands of miles closer actually....than the choad they fuck right after me. That dude is always the poster child for hotchickswithdouchebags.com."
"Mark, c'mon, every time? I mean with the buying of flora. That's rubbish," she said sort of laughing which I have to admit irritated me.
"Yes, every time."
"You certainly have thought this theory of yours out quite extensively. But really how many?
"How many girlfriends have I had?"
"No, Mark...dude, I have only known you a short time but I can already clearly see that you are prone to exaggeration. How many women have actually done this to you?"
"I don't know...five maybe...I have had five pretty serious girlfriends."
"Five times...really...the flower thing? Did white cowboy boots?"
"Well.." I thought about it for a minute. Boy, she was relentless. And the reason why she was irritating me was because she was right. I do blow things out of proportion.
"OK, maybe it was four times," I related, "white cowboy boots did not do it to me. I never bought her flowers."
"Yeah..."
"But still the others..."
"So why did you ask me what my favorite flower was?"
"My mom wanted to know. She has this whole theory about how a woman's favorite flower will tell you what kind of a person she is."
"Interesting. So what I am, then?"
"Wonderful and terrifying."
"More interesting. I don't think I have ever heard anyone describe me as that."
We were interrupted by a noise by the front door.
"What was that?" she asked.
"I don't know but I have an idea," I said hopping up naked and running out to the living room.
"Mark-what if....you're naked!" she shouted/whispered as I ran out.
"It's going to be fine," I said over my shoulder. And, sure enough, it was. Sitting just past the underneath space between my front door and the floor was...another note. I grabbed it up quickly and ran back into the bedroom. There I found a pile of blankets and pillows with a lump underneath that looked like Amanda.
"What happened to my girl?" I asked in a faux worried voice.
A giggle.
"Damn. This sucks. I really wanted to throw a hump into that fookin' sluh again!" I stated loudly in my fake British accent.
A guffaw.
"Ah, well. I think I will go down to Mor-TIMEr's and find some skinny blond who will cup my balls-"
Pillows and blankets exploded into my face followed by a...
"Fucking hell!"
"I figured that would get you attention."
"So, what was the noise?" she asked looking quite lovely with her hair all messed about from the pillows and blankets.
"It was another secret note!"
"Ooo...the ones you were telling me about...that you thought were me. Now you know-"
"-yeah, I've gotten two so far-"
"-who is it?"
"Now I know that it isn't you."
"Duh..."
"Nice American accent b to the w"
"So, who is it? Sara?"
"I don't know. Let's read it and see if you recognize the handwriting."
I opened it up. It was typed this time. Drat! Here is what it said.
I define myself by the different elements of this daily drain I call the "usual". "Your mouth on my ass?"
"You know what I mean...but...mmm...that is an interesting image."
"Save that for later, la'. Let's go out, have our fun day exploring the town together and then go to Sara's."
I shut my eyes, said a quiet prayer that everything would be OK later at Sara's and jumped out of bed. We stood...naked looking at each other at the end of the bed. And then over to our reflection in the mirror. Her black hair was flowing...quite lovely...down around her breasts. She looked up at me with a smile. We kissed. We had kissed...about a million times since that first night but every one...every single one was still just as good as the first. Just fucking quality.
"Hmm."
"What's on your mind?" she asked.
"You know...if there was a camera right over there," I said pointing to the wall, "we could recreate the photo from the cover of the Two Virgins album by John and Yoko."
"So do it."
"You...you want me to take our picture like this?"
"Sure. First of all, your cock looks better than his....uncircumcised is weird."
"Nice." I said it just like her.
"And I want to see how we look together. Do you have a camera?"
"Yeah, it's...right over there on the dresser."
"Set the auto and let's do it. Live in the moment, Mark."
I sprinted over to the dresser and set up the camera. I switched the effect to black and white so it would be just like the cover of the album. I punched the button and ran back.
"Ok, we have like ten seconds."
"Good, innnit?" she laughed and ran her finger along my ass crack.
"What?"
"Living in the moment"
It was.

"Oh, bless you...sorry," I offered belatedly.

She gave me a brief look that seemed...well...like a look she would give to her boyfriend of a few years if he was irritating her. At first I thought it was kinda cute (cool, I'm her boyfriend now) but then it was sort of an expectation thing (great, I'm her boyfriend now I was getting from her and I have to say, it sucked. It was a thankfully brief moment of reality beginning to seep into our fantasy. There was another one that was just about to happen.

As we turned onto Aldrich Avenue where Sara's house was, I started to get more nervous. This was going to be a big moment and I honestly wasn't all that certain I wanted to be a part of it. Ever since I was a kid, the people I loved...my friends...could never all get along. I had two sets of best friends when I was a kid....the Miller brothers and the Lange brothers and anytime they were ever in the same vicinity, a fight would break out. It devastated me. I should have known they would be like oil and water. The Millers were my super hero, comic book friends and the Langes were my baseball in the street all day long friends. Geeks and jocks never mix well. Never have and never will. It's a rule set in granite. For years, I tried to get them to get along and the result was always the same: fighting and my hurt feelings. Even as an adult, I always held the vain hope that everyone I knew would just automatically like each other. It hardly ever happened. It still never does. I try to get people together in the hopes that they will like each other, I get excited at the prospect of the people I love having fun and getting along, and then it all turns to shit or is really boring. Or, mostly likely, no one fucking shows up. The gathering is nowhere fucking close to what I expect it to be in my mind and it really blows diarrhetic ass. At least with Amanda and Sara, they were friends already so there was a chance that we could all get along...be close and loving.

But now my dick was in the way and it wasn't pretty. The situation...not my cock...and "pretty" would not be a word I would use in conjunction with my dong. What would be a good word to describe it? Friendly? Nah....too mailman-ish. Thunderous? Close...but not quite because thunderous implies monster car show at the Dome. Legendary? Nope, too much ego. Reliable? Well, that is true but it's not fucking Lassie. American...let's think about that one for a minute....yeah....no...but yeah....no I can do better than that.

Mythical.

Yeah, that's right. That is the word that I would use to describe my cock. Mythical. It implies a certain sense of mystery and magic. Perfect.

My mythical cock, Amanda and I pulled up in front of Sara's house. I took in a deep breath and looked at her. When I breathed out, it must've been all shuddery because Amanda looked at me intensely.

"Jaysus...you are a nervous one, aren't you?" she asked.

"Um...YEAH! Hello..."

"Dude, we've been over this. It's going to be fine. We both love Sara. You should be ecstatic that you get to hang out with two adorable hot chicks all night."

"Hmmm..."

"And there will be beer..."

"Mmm.."

"And smokey treats..."

"I know..."

"And me and my accent.."

"Of course that is terribly hot."

"C'mon...ring the bell. I'm going to hide out over here and surprise her." She pressed her back up against the house so she would be behind the door when Sara opened it. I rang the bell and saw Sara's gorgeous outline through the drapes come prancing to the door. This very moment froze in time for me and I thought of how Sara was expecting just me, was probably excited, and would very shortly see me AND Amanda. Would she be disappointed or cranky? Or both? Fuck, I was so nervous.

"Hey!" she said opening the door.

My eyes kept shifting back and forth between Sara and the now hidden Amanda. I had a cat who ate the canary look on my face because Amanda...off to my right...was acting all 1930s cop about to gun down Dillinger outside the Biograph. She had a devilish smile on her face as Sara didn't notice her. For just a second, I thought that maybe everything would be alright. It was actually kind of exciting! Because of my face though, which was clearly giving it all away, Sara could tell that something was off.

"What is-?" Sara started to ask and then Amanda jumped out from behind the door and pointer her fingers (fake gun) at Sara's chest.

"Let me see those tits and knickers, sister!" she shouted.

At first, Sara was simply startled. Then her face shifted into that fake pleasant surprise look that I had seen oh so many times when she would run into one of her exes at a bar or club somewhere...the Minnesota Nice. Yuck. Amanda had hopped in front of me to hug Sara and as soon as they did, Sara's faux smile went to look #2...right at me. Shit. So much for my dalliance with hope. Well, things were progressing just about how I thought they would. As Amanda pulled back from the hug, she caught a glimpse of Sara's....attitude. She sensed Sara tensing up into bitch mode so, being the snark the she is, just had to make a comment.

"Saturday night and no date? Or even a hen night?"

"Yeah, well...I value my friendships over men," she said dryly, as both of them turned to look at me still hugging. Amanda rolled her eyes at Sara's comment and shook her head. Sara's tone reminded me a lot of Leni. They were sisters after all. And clearly she was trying to stick it to Amanda a little for budging in our night.

"What? I'm not a man?" I asked, trying to switch gears and keep things a little lighter by falling back on the "Mark is a woman" bit. They both fell into to it happily. Amanda stopped hugging Sara, they both looked at me, and Amanda propped her arm up on Sara's shoulder in a pallie wallie kind of way. It looked adorable. I wished that I had my camera.

"Sort of-" Amanda said with Sara talking over her.

"-kind of in a...like what 'manda-?"

"-like if a man-

"-had a vagina!" Sara finished.

They both started giggling. Whew. The tension was broken a little as we walked into the house and, believe me, I had NO problem whatsoever that it was at my expense. I mean, the fact is that I am basically a woman in so many ways. Many people ask me....incessantly I might add....why I have more female friends than male friends. I tell them if they can find a man who is not eating, sleeping,, watching TV or playing video games, then I might just be their friend. I prefer conversation and friends over television. I drink wine, mostly, and not too much beer except Mich Golden Lights. I like a good book and music over fucking gay ass retarded video games EVERY fucking day. Women are generally more inclined to engage in the activities I enjoy. The few male friends I do have like Will and Chad are more apt to do those things as well. I just can't live my life like a dude. It's a total fucking bore! And I know more about vaginas than any man I know. You can thank my mom for that.

When I was 13 years old...the summer right after the seventh grade, my mother's boyfriend at the time...Geoff...bought me a subscription to Penthouse. Mom was a little ticked but I think she thought I would end up trying to read them anyway so why shouldn't I do it in her house instead of sneaking around? My friends couldn't believe it. I was the envy of the neighborhood. At first, me and the boys just looked at the pictures but then, being the sharp lads we were, wanted something more imaginative. So we started reading the Forum letters and we were hooked. Stories about sex? They were fucking amazing. Years later I was crushed to find out that most of them (if not all) were made up by the writers of the magazine. I'm sure they would've love to have known how we used to sit around in my room and each take a turn reading a letter. As one of us read, the rest of us would be off in our own little world of lust...imagining all of the great things we were learning about...and then doing them ALL with the girls we knew. I think about it now and it actually seemed kind of gay...a room full of pubescent boys in shorts with hard ons all sweaty in the stifling, non air conditioned bedroom or yours truly...breathing in the summer air....air that was filled with barely restrained imaginings. The irony is also quite remarkable considering that the made up stories from Forum became inspiration for things I did later on in real life with women.

Now, to balance out that decidedly male view of sex, my mom MADE me read Our Bodies, Ourselves...a book that originally came out at the high water mark of the feminist movement (1973). For me, the book was..well...essentially about vaginas, how wonderful they are and how all women should be proud of them. Page after page of pussy...it was glorious. And it wasn't simply because of all the different sizes and shapes and how beautiful they all were. I began to truly see how women looked at themselves and their bodies...why they were goddesses. Sure, I have always been one for a good dick in the ass raunch but that book...that fucking book really made me perceive, as best I could being a man, life through the eyes of a woman. So, I learned a lot about vaginas that summer and passed that knowledge onto my first girlfriends who, on first glance of me, thought I was a dorkwad because I read comics and liked Star Trek. After a few dates and a few....second and third base explorations...these same girls thanked me profusely for knowing what the fuck I was doing with their vaginas.

After that time, I had never had a problem getting sex...girls do talk and  all...my problem has always been getting the right ones...the good ones...or one...the goddess verite. I always seemed to go for the ones that are bad news, as my grandfather used to put it. Amanda was one of the good ones, though, the golden ones...my Yoko.

"Wine or beer?" Sara asked me.

"I'll do a glass of wine to start."

"White right?" she asked smiling.

"Fuck off," I said with fake outrage.

"Me too, la'" Amanda chimed in.

"I'll just bring the bottle out to the table with three glasses."

Sara returned from the kitchen pretty fast. She slid on her socks back into the living room along her hardwood floors like a little kid. All three of us chuckled. I think at that point we wanted to relax a little and red wine always did the trick. Sara was having trouble with the cork.

"Hurry up, then" Amanda said nervously.

"It's not the end of the world if it isn't uncorked this second," Sara remarked

"It will do if I don't get a drink..." Amanda said impatiently.

"One of these days someone's going to say that and it really will the end of the world." I said plainly.

Amanda blew air out of her mouth in a laughy sort of way.

"That would actually be really funny," Sara giggled. My mind started to work in that way it does.

"Yeah...think about it another way. Suppose someone is oblivious to the end of the world happening...sees someone screaming and running down the street...and then says to them, 'Relax...It's not like it's the end of the world'...to which the screamer yells, 'It is! It is!' And then the oblivious one realizes it really IS the end of the world. What would he or she then say?"

" 'Oh...shit...and no one to shag.' " Amanda stated simply.

I blew Amanda a kiss. She grabbed the pretend kiss in the air, took her clenched up fist (avec said kiss held tightly in her palm), put it down her pants, and pretended to put it in her pussy...sort of like it was a dildo...all the while doing a Darling Nikki face with body gyrations. She pretend came, took her fingers out of her pants, twirled one of them in the first glass of wine that Sara just poured, gave it to me and winked at me taking the second glass of red for herself and sipping it...all the while not taking her eyes off of me. Sara had a shocked look on her face. So did I but it was mixed with absolute fucking joy that I was blessed to know this woman.

"Where it always belongs...," Amanda murmured. We had sat down next to each other on Sara's couch. Amanda put her hand on my inner thigh. There it was again. I always loved it when she did that. It was her way of being loving, personal, and horny all at once. I was happy that she was doing it but felt terribly out of sorts because Sara was clearly not...happy.

"O....K...," Sara said making a face and looking slightly miffed as she finally took a sip of her own glass of wine. She was sitting on the big armchair next to the couch facing us. "Well...here's to...um..." Sara said holding up her glass.

"Yeah..." I bemoaned.

"Friendship," Amanda happily said. She was really trying to put a positive light on everything. Sara picked it up and gave her best shot as well.

" 'manda, have you told Mark your vibrator story yet?"

"Ooo! No, that's a good one...but wait, though...have you seen this one at a show?" Amanda asked elbowing me in the stomach. It hurt of course. Actually, it knocked the wind out of me a little. I was beginning to realize that Amanda was much stronger than I originally had thought.

"Yes..."

"I mean at a proper show. Like good music from-"

"-yes, I know...from England-"

"-right. Or anywhere in the UK. Or if NME likes it then they can be from here or somewhere else."

Sara took another sip of her wine, looked at me and rolled her eyes with a 'yes, I know, she is just like you and it's very hot' capitulating look juxtaposed with a 'I'm so bored already' look. Amanda went on not really noticing.

"It was quite the sight to behold. Honestly, it was an honor. It's like you can't tell the difference between him and the music....they become each other...merge. The energy..the love that is flowing back and forth between him and the band...you can fucking taste it. And I did!" she leaned over to me right after she said this and gave me a kiss.

"I have known him for quite some time," Sara said with an air of snoot and began to let her eyes wander around the room, "Funny, though, he's not like that at Jimmy James shows."

"That's because he sucks ass cock," I said in a slightly stern tone.

Amanda laughed that sharp, loud laugh at what I had just said.

"You said you liked him the last time we went, 'manda!" Sara said pointing her big long finger at Amanda.

"I lied. He's bollocks."

"His music is terrifically boring, Sara," I said, "I don't get how you can like a band like Stereophonics and then Jimmy James at the same time. It makes no sense to me."

"Maybe I'm just more accepting of different kinds of music then you are...then both of you are," she replied.

"I like mostly everything," I said.

"Mostly...," Sara muttered under her breath and took a big swig of wine looking pissed. There was one of those uncomfortable silences.

"Ehm...yes, well...," Amanda said trying to break the silence.

I looked at Amanda and gritted my teeth.

"See, I told you," I said to her telepathically.

"Why is she being such a mega bitch?" Amanda asked me in my head.

"Because she is Sara...a rock star..."

"Sod that.."

"Just tell me the fucking vibrator story so then hopefully Sara will go back to being normal. I mean normal for Sara."

"Ok, so the vibrator story-"

"-yes, please-" Sara interjected.

"-right before I met Gary, I was living with this bloke who was a German teacher."

"A German teacher?" I asked

"Amanda was in her 'scholars are hot' phase," Sara offered.

"It didn't really last that long...with him, I mean...I've always thought scholars were hot," she said looking slightly miffed at Sara, "we really didn't get on...mostly because he was so douchey about sex...that was why it didn't last long."

"This ought to be good," I laughed.

"Actually, it was bad...bloody awful...the sex. He couldn't really make me come the way I liked...the way you do," she smiled and moved her hand up and down my inner thigh. Sara bristled again and was clearly pissed that Amanda was paying attention to me. It cracked me up because if it was just the two of us, Sara would be teasing me with her ass and then shutting me down like a fucking city employee at 4:30pm. So, what the fuck was it to her? She wouldn't be doing shit with me anyway. She just wanted first dibs saying no to me. I was pissed that she was pulling the typical chick game of "pay attention to me so I can shoot you down" horse shit so I had to work it off a little.

"Bad as in just lousy technique or bad as in falling asleep while giving you head."

Amanda snorted. Sara gave me look #1.

"No, not that bad. Just bad technique. He was a lousy kisser and his hands were all fumbly..."

"Because, you know," I said sardonically and not really listening to Amanda, "that would be pretty fucking shitty of someone-"

"-stop-" Sara said plainly

"-if they fell asleep-"

"-fuck you-"

"-while they were sucking a guy's cock!"

"Oh! Wait...what?!?" Amanda asked with a mixture of laughter and astonishment looking between me and Sara.

"Dude, I was fucking drunk. And he was a dick anyway," Sara muttered and took another sip of her wine. While it was true that Sara was a rock star and I worshiped the ground she walked on, I still had known her and been close to her long enough (see: had the dirt, baby) that I could bring her down just a tish off of that Joan Jett/Jenifer Aniston throne of hers.

"She feel asleep sucking a dude off a few months ago."

"WHAT??!!? Why didn't you tell me?" Amanda laughingly yelped and took her hand off of my inner thigh (drag) and smacked Sara on the leg.

Sara didn't say anything.

"Was it Todd?" Amanda asked.

"No, it wasn't fucking Todd. It was just some guy I met."

"She doesn't remember his name," I chuckled.

"Wait!" Amanda yelled, "you sucked a guy off, fell asleep, and forget his name?"

"Yes, she did," I answered before Sara could.

"Fucking hell...that's something a dude would do. But with a vag, not a cock. Unless he was gay, of course..."

"Sara is a man," I said flatly

"This coming from the real lady in the room," Sara said semi smiling and taking another sip of wine. Cool, I didn't piss her off too much but was able to let her know to not be such a crank about me and Amanda. Upper hand...Mark. Yea!

"And," Sara continued, "if you had my ass sticking up in the air...all nice, spread, and open...with you cock going in and out of my pussy...or probably my ass...so you can get that view you like...I think you would be pretty fucking impressed by my femininity then, dorkwad."

And...upper hand....Sara.

"Ooo...I believe you have him on that one, Graber...hee hee," Amanda laughed.

My face turned red because, of course, I was thinking about doing...that...to Sara. Amanda came to my rescue.

"He got to see me that way this morning," she said in a lower than normal voice, raising one of her eyebrows and smiling at Sara, "how did I look, Mr. Ward?"

"Well, it was...pretty great," I said nervously knowing that the competition thing was back in play.

"That's nice," Sara said flatly, "can we get back to the vibrator story?"

Great. Right back to where we were when I brought up Sara falling asleep during the act of giving head. I should've known better than to go toe to toe with Stalin Graber and not end up EXACTLY back where she wanted things to be.

"I will do. Just need a moment here to remember how great it was to show daddy my ass in the way he liked to see it." Hand back on the inner thigh.

Wow. Now that was money. Amanda was NOT going to go gently into that good night....Sara's night. She took a sip of wine and held a goofy, yet vaguely hot smile on her face much to the chagrin of Sara.

Amanda continued.

"Right. Ok. So, I got a dildo," Amanda continued, "and boy was he fucking pissed."

"First of all," I jumped in, "why pissed? I mean, anything that gets you off-"

"-yeah, but if the dildo becomes a sub for his penis-," Sara interrupted.

"-ooo, did it?" I asked Amanda

"At first, nah. But after a few months he stopped fucking me."

"You? Really?"

"I know...hard to believe."

"Especially since I want to fuck you again right now."

The story paused for a moment as Amanda and I stared all gooey eyed at each other while Sara looked around the room searching for an imaginary bottle of milk of magnesia.

"So, he did get pissed," Amanda continued, "when I used my electronic friend to satisfy myself. At first, he was just mildly irritated but then he grew more and more frustrated until he was just plain pissed off. He threatened to throw it out so I had to hide it."

"What a tool box," Sara said plainly.

"No shit. I would come home to find my kit tossed all over the floor...my dresser gone through-"

"-what a wanker-," I interjected.

"-poxy wanker," she responded and continued, "Anyway, things got better between us for a little bit of time there and one day he asked me to go on a picnic."

"Where were you, then?"

"Ehm...this was right after Liverpool...so Wilmslow."

"Where's that?"

"Just south of Manchester. We took our bikes just out of town and there are some nice hills to sit on along the bike path. We got on top of a pretty tall one with a small pond at the base...really romantic...and laid out the blanket. It looked like he put in a lot of effort to put it all together. It was really sweet and for the first time in a long time I thought maybe things would be decent with this guy. We'd been together for more than a year. He started pulling things out of the picnic basket...sandwiches and the lot...and just when I was starting to feel happy, he fucking pulls out my dildo!"

"Ewww...in and amongst all the food and stuff?" Sara asked making a face.

"Oh, relax...I wash it all the time."

"Why did he have your dildo?" I asked.

"Yeah....so he pulls it out and says, 'AHA, this is where you hid it!' acting all fake surprised...douche...I knew he nicked it from dresser drawer where I last had it. So then I asked him why he stole it and then he feigned innocence for a bit. Finally he stands up and walks over to the cliff. 'This thing is coming between us and it never will again!,' he yells and chucks it over the side."

"Oh...no..." Sara was genuinely shocked even though she had heard the story before.

"What a dick," I offered.

"No shit...I got up and ran over to the side only to watch it plummet down and out of sight. The whole time I was yelling 'NOOOOOOOOO'...my voice echoing in the mini canyon and watching it tumble against the rocks.

Sara and I both started cracking up.

"God, what an asshole," I offered.

"And he was lousy at fucking me from behind."

"I feel patriotic when I fuck you from behind," I said semi quietly with a grin.

"Patriotic?" Sara asked with a quizzical grin.

"Yeah...like I was being a good American..."

Amanda spit laughing.

"....I hear John Phillips Souza....dum dum da dum da....pahmp pahmp pahmp pahmp."

"But she's British."

"Welsh," Amanda barely cracked out in laughter.

"I just can't help it...that's what I think about...I feel a tremendous sense of love for my country...a country that is offering me this beautiful, ripe ass for the fucking."

"What's your country got to do with it?" Sara asked half bitchy.

"You know, any chance to thank her for being filled with freedom....literally!"

Amanda was still laughing. She could barely do anything but grab her stomach and put her hand over her mouth from coughing so much. I had to go on.

"The freedom to display this hot, porn star ass," I smacked Amanda on the right cheek, "show me that fucking butt!"

Amanda, still laughing, gave me a courtesy cheek raise. God, what a great ass. Jesus!

"Well, I will give you that. 'manda does have a total fucking porn star ass," said Sara. Hey, she was finally being nice.

"I do?" Amanda said finally calming down from laughter.

"Fuck yeah...the way you stick it up there...all nice and open-" I said.

"-it's the curves, really...the way it curves up-" Sara added.

"You guys are embarrassing me," she squeaked, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her head.

"And let's not forget the porn star mouth..." I continued.

Amanda came out from behind the pillow.

"I have that too? What is that exactly?" Before I could answer, Sara piped in.

"Mainly, that's when you look at a guy while you are sucking his cock...make eye contact with him."

"Oh, I've always done that."

"It's not just the looking though. It's how your eyes look. They have to be sort of innocent and yet determined at the same time...like you're all, 'what should I do with this beautiful cock, sir?'.....letting him know that if you continue, you will drain him...fully."

"And then you have to make sure that you work that area of flappy skin just under the head with your tongue," I added.

"Right," Sara went on, "and just fucking slobber all over that piece of meat...like you can't get enough...tenacious! That's porn star mouth."

"Yeah, she's like a lap dog with that fucking thing," I laughed. Amanda threw the pillow at me.

"There's porn tits, too," Sara said.

"Just flapping around...not saggy though...just the flap from the fucking," I replied.

"Yep," Sara affirmed, "and then porn vag which is simply pink and wet. Brown lips are bad. Look too much like beef."

Amanda really laughed at that one.

"How about porn cock?" I asked.

"That's easy," Sara answered, "just hard...fucking hard and ready to go. A fabulous penis. That's all I ask for.."

"Fabulous penis...love it," Amanda echoed.

"Penis, though? Doesn't that sound a little...little boy?"

"I like that word..penis," Sara said sounding determined.

"I like the word fabulous," Amanda laughed.

"I don't like the word penis. It reminds me of my grandmother," I lamented.

"Everything reminds you of your nan. You should talk to someone about that....a head shrinker," Amanda chuckled.

"It's just like I'm nine again and my grandmother is all, 'Stop touching your penis, Mark. Do you have to tinkle?"

Both the girls ripped out laughing.

"Tinkle! Oh my God...that is so grandparent," Sara bellowed.

"I'm going to start saying tinkle from now on when I have to use the loo," Amanda seconded.

As soon as she finished her sentence, we all heard a noise outside.

"What is that?" I asked.

"It sounds like someone....being hurt" Amanda said sounding worried.

"Or being raped," Sara said very seriously.

We were quiet and nervous for a few seconds and then realized, as if on perfect cue to our conversation about fabulous penises, that it was a woman moaning from fucking.

"That's next door," Amanda chuckled.

"Wow. That is loud. It's November for crying out loud. We can hear that through two houses!" I exclaimed.

"That chick is getting railed," Sara said so seriously that I started laughing right away.

"Railed?!?" I laughed, "love it!" Sara went on.

"There's no other way to describe it. Railed. Railed like mofo. I know a guy just moved in over there." The moaning got louder and we could hear him grunting.

"He sounds like a pig," Amanda giggled.

"Speaking of pigs....guess what that pig of a person you call a friend did?" Sara asked me.

"Which pig?"

Sara made a face at me...almost look #1 but not quite. The moaning and grunting next door died down a little. They both must've come.

"Chad...what?"

"I saw him last night at the Urban with some girl-"

"-Lynn-"

"-yeah, and he comes up to me...all friendly and shit...and I'm all like...'hey, I'm with people' and then he-"

"-who were you with?"

"Mel and Leni."

"Oh, so they're people now?"

"Whatever...I just didn't want to talk to him. But he really wanted to show me something on his phone-"

"-what on earth does he have on his phone? I mean that everyone is on about?" Amanda asked.

"You don't want to know. He's a pig," Sara said turning to Amanda.

"Now I must find out," Amanda said sounding very determined.

"Just ask him the next time you see him," I commented, "I guarantee you that he will be all too willing to show you."

"Hello! I'm in the middle of a story," Sara semi shouted.

"Sorry," I said turning back and catching a brief and subtle smile on Amanda's face. I knew she was irritated with Sara in the same way I always have been when she pulled the 'pay attention to only me' crap. Mega. It was nice to know it wasn't just me...which I always think it is because Sara makes me feel that way...and it's actually Sara being mega crank.

"Anyway, so he shows me his new photo id of himself that he has sent to all of this friends...all three of them."

"Dude, he has more than that."

"Whatever..."

"What was it?" Amanda asked.

"It was...a picture of himself...his face...his fucking fat face...coming!" she said semi nauseated.

Amanda and I bust out laughing.

"Wouldn't that be his fucking fucking face?" I asked barely able to get the words out.

"What? Don't you think that is gross?" Sara inquired, looking mostly at Amanda.

"Was it a self portrait?" I asked still chuckling.

"Yeah, did he take it...after he was with...himself?" Amanda asked.

"No, he made it a point of telling me that, right as he was coming from one of Lynn's blow jobs with that mouth piece thing of hers, he took three pictures. He wanted three pictures to capture the 'full and awesome glory' of her suck jobs, as he so lovingly put it."

"Oh, I get it," said Amanda, "One of the 'OMG, I'm coming' face, one of the 'ahhhhh' face right as he came and then one of the 'oooooo' remainder coming face....the residual draining."

I practically lept on top of her.

"You are..."

"Yeah, I know," Amanda smiled at me. I just couldn't finish and I spent the next several seconds desperately trying not to claw her.

"Yes, well...that was it, I guess," Sara said taking a sip of her wine and looking around the room. She was visibly more frustrated now and, idiot that I am, finally began to understand why. Even though Sara and I were never romantic, we still spoke that romantic...intimate language. True, there was no sex but that didn't matter. I was kind of like a boyfriend without any of the bullshit that is associated with sex.

Now, I was speaking that language with Amanda and it pissed Sara off. For me, there was always enough room under the tent. I can talk that way with more than one person but most people aren't like that. She rarely talked to the dudes who fucked her like that either. There was a definable lack of intimacy, in fact, with most of the men in Sara's life. And there was an apparent closeness with me that she was now sharing with someone else. I finally got why she was pissed and cranky. I tried to cheer her up. I heard a Jimmy James song come on the stereo so I grabbed the remote and started singing into it. The song playing was one of the ones I really hated...it was called Light It Up...or something like that. It was putrid but I started dancing around to see if I could get the sing along faux rock show thing going.

Sara got back from the bathroom and we all sat down to enjoy Radiohead's finest. During "High and Dry" (the best Radiohead song.), we heard the door open and in walked Leni. She immediately made a disapproving face when she saw Amanda. Amanda didn't notice but I did. Right away, a fucking c rag. I had my drink on pretty good so I was very close to opening up a can on her. Right when I was about to, Sara caught my eye and shook her head in a pleading fashion. I thought about Sara's ass...my dick in it...how the crack would look from behind with that image...and then I calmed down. Thinking about fucking Sara in the ass always calmed me down so I opted for a softer approach.
"How's things with you Leni?" I asked trying to be diplomatic but actually really wanting to tell her to fuck off and suck a giant piece of poo.
"Oh, I'm just tired of boys and their little games," she said, sitting down on the chair across from Sara and on the other side of me and Amanda. We were now all in a semi circle around the coffee table. The way she spoke....my mind imagined her gently peeling off a pair of white gloves--elbow length--in a very snooty way even though she wasn't wearing any gloves at all. She was just acting like she had gloves like that on.
"What happened?" Sara asked.
"This guy I have been seeing...Mike...just got all mad over something really gay. I think he might be gay because of it," Leni said with a snort...a very uncool and snobby snort...not a hot please let me present my ass to you snort like Amanda always did with her snorts. I realized at that point that I had become a connoisseur of snorts.
"What did he do?" I asked. I really didn't want to know the answer and could've given two shits but Sara was my best friend so I tried to show some interest in her sister.
"Oh...he had just finished watching some movie...a baseball movie...and he was all weepy like a girl."
"Don't all baseball films make you yanks cry?" Amanda asked.
"Oh yeah," I said, "that's one of the pre-reqs for citizenship...1st question on the test...'Do you cry at baseball movies? Answer: Yes!"
"Cute. What about football movies...my football movies?" she asked.
"Not going there"
"Yes we are"
"No we aren't."
"It's so...supercool."
"It's so....an activity that encourages and rewards mediocrity."
"Wanker...how can someone who worships Britain hate football?"
"Well, you have to have one thing....y'know...to keep it real."
"Hey, I was talking here!" Leni yelled and looked indignant. Amanda and I snickered. She yelped in the same way Sara did earlier...please get the center of attention back to me screed...and Amanda and I felt the same way we did earlier...like two kids in class who got caught chewing gum. Or, in our case, sharing gum...or snogging...or me fucking the crap out of her vagina while snogging...
"What happened," Sara asked Leni while throwing us a glare like a teacher in said class.
"So, I was giving him shit and he was telling me that it was Field of Dreams so why-?"
"Wait a second. Field of Dreams? The film FIELD OF FUCKING DREAMS?!!?" I asked, my voice getting louder as the sentence went on.
"Yeah, so what?
"What do you mean so what?"
"It's just some stupid movie about ghost baseball players."
I stood up and slammed my beer down on the coffee table.
"WHAT THE FUCK!!!?"
Everyone looked at me in astonishment except Amanda who had a very turned on smile and look on her face.
"First the comment about John and now this...seriously...you need to be sent to a fucking camp to be re-educated on what is cool and what is not. Actually, what is sacred and what is not. Field of Dreams is fucking sacred," I yelled.
Leni didn't say anything. She took a drink of Mich Golden, widened her eyes, and looked down in a derisive way like I was a lunatic. She had this little, irritating smile on her face...like she was "in the know" and I wasn't.
"Dude, what the fuck?" I asked again. I was still standing up....towering over her.
"What do you want me to say?" Leni asked.
"Oh, I don't know...that you cried at the end when he asks his dad for a catch? Or when Ray Liotta says to him, 'No Ray, it was you.' That you are a human being that can't help but love that movie for all of its American pathos? Any of those parts?"
"I thought it was a stupid film that made no sense."
"JESUS!!!" I stormed across the room and looked out the window looking for something to say. There was nothing to say. Leni was a cold hearted bitch and she existed only to prove that point every fucking day.
"Mel just texted me. She's stopping by too," Sara said quietly to Leni and Amanda. I whirled around to shoot a very pissed off look at her for changing the subject so quickly. She looked startled. I had to stop myself from yelling because I was curious about Mel coming by.
"So then why were you all.." I started to ask Sara but she knew where I was going....which was to ask her why she was all pissy and jealous about it not just being the two of us...which I KNOW she was...but then Leni and Mel were coming by so why the 'tude about Amanda being here with us?
"She's still bummed about Gene," Sara interrupted me.
That made sense. I say back down next to Amanda. Leni got up to get a cigarette from her bag and then sat back down on the chair on the other side of the couch. Amanda, sitting close to me, deliberately bumped me in the leg with her hand as if to say 'Chill out and let's have some fun.' I had no idea how that would even be possible. I fucking loved that film and thought about my dad EVERY time I watched it. And here Leni was shitting all over it. What an absolute bitch...
The door flew open and Mel walked in.
"Wow. That was fast," Sara said.
"I sent the text like 20 minutes ago."
"Oh," Sara said checking her phone, "so you did. I've just been deep in conversation here."
There was a very awkward silence as Mel took her coat off. I was still fuming in silence over the latest Leni bullshit. We were all just sort of staring. No one was talking. As Mel was taking off her scarf, she looked at all four of us.
"Who died?" she asked, pulling up one of the folding chairs and sitting across from me and Amanda. She pulled a smoke out of her bag and lit it.
"American cinema," I said.
Leni chuckled and blew cigarette smoke out of her mouth.
"What's going on here? Have you guys been talking about me?" Mel asked.
Leni laughed a very snobby laugh and Sara rolled her eyes.
"No," I answered," we're not talking about you. Leni here was just gently removing every last ounce of her humanity."
"Fuck you, Mark. Just because I think that movie sucks-"
"-it's Field of Dreams, for crying out loud-"
"-doesn't mean you have to be so...deliberately cruel."
"Yeah, I'm the asshole. I'm not the one who just shit all over the American past time."
"Jesus, you are such a woman...so dramatic," Leni steamed and got up and went to the kitchen presumably to get a beer.
"Looks like happy fun time here...the other night...part II."
I didn't say anything. What was there to say? Typical Leni bullshit. It only got worse. Mel tried to shift the conversation and make small talk.
"Christina was just a major bitch last night...Leni can you grab me a Mich Golden as well?" We heard an affirmative grunt come from the kitchen that sounded like a smelly old man who just farted. Mel went on with her story.
"I tried to talk to her about Gene but all she said was 'Fuck him' and then wanted to talk about her life. And Sandy and Nicole just ignored me and went along with it. It's like no one even cares that a three year relationship ended."
"But you talk about it all the time," Sara half whined.
"So what?" Amanda asked.
"Yeah, who cares. She might need to," I added.
"I don't think she does," Sara reaffirmed in that very sing songy voice of hers. Leni returned from the kitchen and instantly made a comment.
"Talking about Christina...good....glad we are back onto something important."
I was about to go off but Mel spoke quickly.
"Yeah, Leni. She was just very condescending to me and acted like anything that I was saying was just not important."
"I just think that she is not very understanding of her station," Leni offered cooly.
"Station?" Amanda asked quizically.
"Yes, Christina does not understand that some people are at a higher station and some people are at a lower station," Leni stated flatly with an air of snobbery.
"I don't know if I would go that far," I offered, "she's just an idiot in her 20s. Oh, and Mel...btw...you are totally the Sara of that little group of friends of yours."
"Yeah, I know," she said perking up. Thus far, she had seemed pretty upset and downright blue.
"Cool," I said, lovingly poking her a little with my foot under the table, "so, yeah...Leni...don't quite know where you are getting with this."
"Of course...it's not surprising...coming from someone who also isn't aware of their station," Leni said slightly under her breath and turning away towards Sara who looked at her with a puzzled expression. Leni took a very uptight sip of Mich Golden Light. I didn't think it was possible but now I was even more pissed at her.
"Excuse me?" Amanda asked, defending me before I could say anything.
Cool.
"Nothing. It's just-everyone has their station. I have my station, Sara has her station, Mel has her station...Mark and Amanda have their...station...which is why Mark just made that comment...a comment that someone would make who shared a misconception of their station...of how stations are granted and earned. One has to earn one's station. Occasionally, one is granted a station by someone at a higher station. But mostly it is an earned station through acceptable behavior. Some people think they are at a one station when actually they are at a whole different station...a station that is...lower than other stations-"
"-Ok, stop saying the word station!" I interjected.
"Actually I'm as sick of that word now as I am of 'mega'," Sara said taking a swig of wine, following it up with a gulp of beer that Leni just brought her. I mocked flipped her off. I made a mental note to keep using the word 'mega' as often as possible just to piss Sara off. Amanda was now getting visibly irritated and was boring Superman heat vision holes through Leni.
"Yeah, what are you on about...'Mark and Amanda-?'" Amanda asked, sitting slightly forward, "and is that the order of how you view us...what is that...'highest' to 'lowest?'
Leni glanced over to me with a slight smile.
"Both of you know what I mean. Where our station is in life defines who we are," she said matter-of-factly.
"C'mon, Leni, that's crap," Sara finally said, "we're not like that. Our family doesn't look down on people like that."
"It's not a matter of looking down. It's a matter of principles...of facts. Some people," she moved from looking at Sara to looking at me, "try to climb to a different station," and back to Sara again, "and other people..." Leni turned to look at Amanda.
"Other people..?" Amanda asked, now clearly angry and sitting more forward on the couch.
"Never mind," Leni said, getting up and grabbing her coat, "I need to leave. I just wanted to stop by for a quick drink. I am meeting people."
"Yeah, they're aren't any people here," I said sarcastically.
Leni smiled back at me with a snoot on her mouth. Amanda was still curious...staring right at Leni and not looking away...clearly furious. Furious and curious.
"Other people, fooking what...Leni!?"
She sounded like Liam Gallagher. I got half hard.
"Other people," Leni sighed, "lose their station when they move to a different station," she looked over at me again, "when they are dishonest."
Amanda stood up.
"Piss off, you fucking bitch! You have no idea what my life is like."
"Leni, what is the matter with you?" Sara asked, "this isn't like you at all."
"Actually, it is like her. I've been saying it all along," I said not so slightly under my breath. Sara kicked my leg as I was now sitting closer to her on the couch since Amanda got up to move towards Leni.
"Yeah, Leni...what the fuck?" Mel asked looking way over tired and in a state of disbelief.
Leni finished putting on her coat and hat. Amanda was breathing hard from anger.
"I don't make the rules. People that lie move down to a lower station." Leni said as she moved towards the door.
"Ahhh! I can't hear that word anymore!" Sara cried throwing up her arms in exasperation.
Amanda started to move after Leni in what looked to be the beginning of an ass kicking...Brit style.
"Don't, hon," I said quietly, "she obviously is really just....well... she wouldn't say shit like that if she was comfortable with herself."
"Oh, I'm comfortable with my station-"
"-Jesus-," Sara muttered.
"-and it's going to be a hard row to hoe for you when Amanda does....what she always does," Leni stated cooly, looking right at me, as she opened the door and left the house.
"What the-??!!" Amanda yelled as she walked over to the door and opened it, yelling out, "I'm going to punch you in the dick the next time I see you!!"
She slammed the door, walked back over to the couch and sat down. She took a big gulp of Mich Golden as Sara watched her. It was quiet for a few moments. Amanda broke the silence.
"What a fucking bitch. I really wanted to kick her in the vagina."
"I guess I don't blame you," Sara said, sort of giving in.
I was still stunned.
"Hard row to hoe? When did Leni become a farmer?" Mel quipped which made us all chuckle. God, I loved her slant on life sometimes.
"That crack about Field of Dreams...I almost just hit your sister," I said blankly looking right at Sara.
"At some point in your life, you should punch a woman...punch her in the face..just to see what it feels like. It's kinda hot on a guy," Sara said stone faced.
"You!" Amanda laughed and then we all sort of cracked up.
"Are you joking?" I asked Sara.
"Yeah...kinda..."
I took another drink of wine.
"...but not really!" she finished.
We all broke up. Leni was gone and the tension...most of it anyway....went away. There was still that lingering thing with me, Amanda and Sara but it was much less than before. As the laughter died down, we heard the neighbors again.
"Jesus," Mel said somewhat astonished, "is that what I think it is?"
"Yep. Railed. That chick is getting railed," Sara chimed in on cue.
"There really is no other word for it," Amanda agreed, "bless them for having another go."
"I need to get railed," Mel said wistfully.
I looked over at her and smiled.
"Not by you," Mel said quickly.
"Dude, there's nothing left in these balls. She fully drained me," I asserted pointing at Amanda.
"Hmm...I still can't believe he fucked around with Wendy," Mel lamented changing the subject quickly back to what was clearly weighing heavily on her mind, "that town Mound whore."

We all cracked up.

"When did you come up with that one?" I asked still snickering.

"She's from Mound and she's a whore. What more do you need for inspiration?" Mel replied. Mound is a suburb of Minneapolis. In some ways, it isn't really a suburb and is more of a small town on the outskirts of Minnetonka which is a suburb of Minneapolis. While it is on Lake Minnetonka (the lake which purified Prince and many women), it has a real trailer trashy feel to it hence Mel's derisive comment. Knowing Mound as we all did made her comment extra hilarious. 

"What I want to know is did he use Mark's excuse?" Sara giggled.

"No, he didn't. He just told me outright...and I found out from other people," Mel answered.

"Mark's excuse?" Amanda inquired.

"Oh, yeah...it's a good one. Tell her!" Sara said getting all excited and kicking me. I was happy to oblige. Sara had had a few drinks at that point and seemed much more relaxed.

"So...OK...this was a long time ago but I used to...if I had a girlfriend and I cheated on her...which I have done in the past a few times...when they asked me what happened....like why and/or how I ended up fucking extracurricularlly-"

"-nice-" Amanda added

"-I would just say that I tripped."

"Tripped?" she half laughed and put her hand over mouth.

"Yeah...classic," Mel commented.

"Sure...like 'dear, I don't know what happened...I couldn't help it....it was an accident...I tripped and...suddenly my fingers were inside of her, my tongue was on her clit and I was chowing her box like a mofo...it all happened so fast!'" I said, finishing the explanation.

The girls were all laughing.
"See? And then they would laugh because it was so stupid and, most times they would forget about it," I continued.
"I doubt they forgot that you 'accidentally' ate a chick's pussy," Mel said with a grin.

"Will hates that word...pussy....doesn't he?" Sara asked.

"Yep, he does."

"We should call him and ask him why. Call him," Sara requested being very insistent. Whenever Sara got buzzed, she always wanted to call people. Even if she had a group of friends around her...it was like they weren't quite enough. She needed more. It always ticked me off but at the same time I thought it was hot. Because I felt the same way..and did the same thing.

I got out my phone and dialed Will's cel.

"Put it on speaker," Sara demanded. I hit the button for speaker phone. After about three rings, Will picked up.

"Hello?'

"Hey, dude. You're on speaker with Mel, Sara, Amanda, and me."

"Great. What are you guys up to?" He sounded miffed.

"Will, it's Sara...are you over at Betsy Blow J's house?" she asked in a mock stern tone. Amanda and Mel cracked up.

"Um..."

"You are...you totally are...ooo! Did we catch you in the middle of one?" she asked.

"Well, we were just about to-"

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