RMA
by Christopher S. Case
11/03/05

Chief Engineer Sonja Leist wanted to throw her wrench in frustration. She didn't, for the sole reason that it would have given the Chief of Security more enjoyment than she thought he deserved. Bret was standing behind her, staring daggers into the back of her skull. Leist refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her frustrated.

“Fixed the damn ship yet?”

“Oh, yes. I also converted to Orthodox Roman Catholic, and I've decided to give up my sinful nature for a Christ-filled, inspiring lifestyle. Oh, and I'm going to wear a dress to dinner.” Leist turned her head towards him just enough to give him a dirty look. “Now, will you shut the hell up and leave?”

“Hmm, Chief in a dress. That's something I'd love to see.” He paused as if to think, and then gave her a cold glare. “I'd rather see the ship fixed. What the hell is taking you so long? Busy daydreaming about the new guy? Or is that furry one more your style?”

Leist didn't respond immediately. Instead, she clenched her fists, and then rapidly tapped several commands into a maintenance console. With practiced easy, she ducked into a maintenance alcove, avoiding the momentary blast from the fire suppression system. The Security Chief wasn't so lucky. He was covered from head to toe in a greasy-looking foam that was quickly starting to harden.

“Damn you engineers! Why some deranged, perverted delinquent like you was ever given free reign of that rabble, I'll never understand! Just fix the damn ship.” The Security Chief stormed off.

“Serves you right. Prick.” After he was out of sight, Leist started laughing. He wasn't going to be able to clean that mess off for at least an hour, when his shift was up.

He was right, you know. You were daydreaming about the new guy. She shook her head. She always hated it when her inner self refused to let her get away with anything. She had been thinking about him, but that wasn't the reason she ship was still dead in the water. The reason was, well, she didn't know what it was. Nothing she did seemed to do anything. The affected systems seemed to work fine, and if she sent them commands directly, they worked. The computer core was sending the messages, near as she could tell. Somewhere along the line the messages were getting lost. She had no idea how that was even possible. No matter what she did, they still had no control over weapons, or propulsion.

In the three years she'd been the Chief Engineer of the Spectral Howl, she'd never experienced something like this. She prided herself on how quickly she was able to fix anything that went wrong. Damage, malfunction, design flaw, it didn't matter. She could walk through the innards of the ship in her mind, recalling every detail, and had memorized the serial numbers of every structural support and most of the major systems. Not only could she quote the operating specs of every piece of equipment on the ship, but she could tell you how close to theoretical optimal she had gotten it. She kept the Howl running at its peak, and everyone on board knew it.

Leist wasn't the most sociable person in the world, and that was putting it mildly. She avoided most people on the crew, and had only made one or two friends in the three years she's been on board. Most people didn't even know her name, so they took to calling her 'Chief'. Somehow, the nickname had stuck. Right now, however, she was worse than ever. She pushed past several members of the crew, and headed straight to the computer core. A nagging voice in her head told her the problem was there. They had just installed a new computer core, and she wasn't sure she trusted the source. Even though the ship was technically a League vessel, parts were hard to come by, and requisitioning a new computer core could take up to three months. That was why they traded services for parts, mostly. However, if someone had wanted to sabotage them, this would be the perfect way to do it.

“Chief, we need you in the briefing room in 5 minutes.” Leist glared at her wrist-com. She didn't even bother to respond, she simply started heading for the command center.

As Leist walked into the briefing room two minutes late, she notice Bret had removed most of the fire suppressant from his hair. He glared at her, and she simply ignored him. Sitting down quickly, she realized that the Captain wasn't his normal stoic self. Instead, he was scowling. Hovering over the briefing table was a holographic representation of the Dwarf Star Fiasco, the largest ship in their small fleet. It had originally been a pirate vessel, but was currently flying under League colors, thanks to a treaty Leist had helped to create. Running her eyes over the hologram sent a chill down her spine. She quickly repressed a shudder, and took a deep breath. It was suffering from the same fate as the Howl.

“Now that Chief deigned to join us, I'll start. As you all know, we're practically disabled. Chief's been having no luck in figuring out the cause. Unfortunately, I think we now know.” Captain Reid motioned toward the hologram, and Leist noted that according to the sensor readings, they weren't sending much power to their engines. Just like us. No matter how much we try to send, we can't make them use any more than that small amount. “The Dwarf Star is experiencing a similar failure. The only connection we have found is the fact that we both recently installed new central computers. The timing of both failures seems consistent with the time since activation of the new computers.

“Now for the bad news. We've detected a Terran fleet in subspace, headed straight for us. Since they aren't trying to conceal themselves, I can only assume they're the hosts of this party.”

“Well, since I know where to look, it will give us a better chance of undoing the damage before they get here.” Leist shifted in her chair. She really didn't want to sit in this meeting; not when the ship was broken, and Terrans were bearing down on them.

“I would certainly hope so. They're being arrogant, and I think we need to teach them who they're dealing with. However, not all of the affected ships are blessed with your expertise, Chief. I need you to come up with a relatively simple fix for all the soon to be afflicted ships so we can be ready before they get here.”

Leist sighed. “It all depends on how complicated the problem is. I'll give it a shot. Don't blame me if the others can't understand my instructions.”

“Good. Bret, try to figure out how this happened. Everyone else, do your jobs. Oh, Louis, why don't you help Chief? I'm sure your expertise will come in handy.” As everyone got up to leave, Leist silently cursed the captain.

*   *   *   *   *

Twenty minutes later, Leist was wishing the captain had left the new guy doing whatever he came here to do. His name is Louis, not “the new guy.” She really hated the little voice in her head. Looking at the computer core in front of her, she started wondering if she'd ever been this distracted before.

“So, why do they call you 'Chief'?”

Leist glared at him. “Isn't it a bit obvious?”

“Not really. Sure, you're the chief engineer, but why doesn't anyone use your name?”

“Look, new guy, I asked them not to. It reminds me of things I'd rather not think about. Now, if you don't mind, can we get to work?”

“Sure. I've been working while I was talking. Weren't you?”

Leist wasn't sure if she hated him or loved him. The answer didn't really matter; she wanted to hurt him anyways. Part of her believed that was what he was going for. Taking a deep breath, she focused on finding why the ship wasn't working.

On a hunch, Leist examined the signals coming out of the central computer. Everything seemed fine at first glance. However, when she decrypted the messages and ran them in a simulator, nothing happened. Looking deeper, she found out that each message was being sent slightly out of sync so that the signals canceled each other out.

Thinking for a second, she realized that there was a simple solution to the problem. She checked the communication from the computer to the console in the room, and everything seemed fine. She then tried sending it the messages for the weapons and engines, and they seemed to work. Calling Louis over to help, Leist unhooked the weapon and engine data network connections from the central computer and hooked them up to some extra ports on the console. Writing a simple program to send the signals on to the appropriate systems, Leist was happy to see everything start working again.

“Congratulations, Chief.” Louis smiled at her, and she blushed slightly.

“Eh, just made sense. Nothing special.”

“I know, but you should still be proud. From what I can see...” Leist became worried as his voice trailed off.

“What?”

“Uh, that's not good. There's a bomb in that thing.”

Leist instantly went to where she had unhooked the data cables. The way she saw it, whatever was screwing with the messages was most likely the bomb Louis had seen. However, it was also very likely to be external to the core. Sure enough, there it was. She hadn't questioned the protrusion on the side of the core, since it was a newer model core than the one they had replaced, and they may well have changed the connectors they used, necessitating an adapter. Doing a brief scan, she realized that there was a good chance that this was no adapter. The heavy shielding and rechargeable power source clenched it for her.

“I'm pretty sure I found it. Funny, it doesn't look all that big.”

“Well, give me a sec.”  He typed away franticly at the panel. “Wow, looks can sure be deceiving. This thing's a graviton bomb.”

Leist knew that graviton bombs were some of the most destructive things ever dreamed of. It basically created a black hole and a supernova in one. So far, they'd never been made, except in large-scale military tests. Somehow, the Terrans had managed to advance their graviton technology well beyond the League.

*   *   *   *   *

“Captain, this is Leist. As you may have noticed, I got everything working again. The bad news is that the Terrans included a present; one of the graviton bomb sort.”

“That's wonderful. I don't know how it could be a graviton bomb, but I won't risk it either. What's your plan?”

“We think we can remove them, if we do it right. However, they're on a timer, and we can't disable them. We're going to have to get them off the ship.”

“I think I know the perfect way.”

*   *   *   *   *

Leist sat at her station watching as a group of Terran ships approached. Captain Reid was sitting confidently in his command chair. She was sure that he was going to enjoy the next few minutes. She certainly was. Watching, Leist saw Reid give the order to hail the Terrans.

“This is Commander Chan of the Terran --”

Ried cut him off. “I don't care. Look, we both know who you are. You're the one who sabotaged our ships.”

“Most assuredly. I hope you're enjoying our presents.”

“Yeah, yeah. Cut the crap, Chan. We're disabled, you're superior, and all that.”

“Trying to cheat me of my chance to gloat? I'm sorry, but I refuse to let that happen. My government has invested too much time and energy into this little endeavor. You and your little 'wolf pack' have caused us enough of a headache, providing a nice haven for those pirate whores you sleep with.” Leist bristled.

“I'd be careful, Chan. My chief engineer's family are pirates. She might not take those words too kindly.”

“You tell her that I will be the one to destroy you, her, and her filthy family.”

“Leist smiled as Reid turned to look at her. “Would you like to say anything to that, Chief?”

“Yeah, I would. First, Chan, you insulted by disabling this ship. For that alone, I'd kill you. However, you've now brought my family into it. So, just for that, I'm going to welcome you  to the little hell I've created just for you.” Leist pressed a few buttons on her console. The weapon systems came on line, as did the systems on the other ships in the fleet.

“How is that possible?”

“Well, you see, I'm one helluva engineer. I undid your little damage. Every ship in our fleet is now completely operational. Oh, and before you start thinking about those nice bombs you included,  there's something you should know. They were programmed to detonate at the slightest hint of tampering. That includes the force of impact between a missile and another ship.”

Leist pressed a button on her console. “That's for my brother, and the rest of my family, which was killed by you Terran bastards.” Within seconds, explosions began blooming all through the Terran fleet. “Now, most of your fleet is gone. You and the remains of your fleet are now going to experience the wrath of this fleet and the League's best hacker.” Leist glanced over at the new guy sitting at the Ops station. He nodded back.

“This is for me.”

Clearly heard on the Terran bridge was one of the worst sounds any space ship crew could ever hear. It was the sound of decompression. Smiling, Leist closed the connection.

Captain Reid put his hand on her shoulder. “Good job, Chief. Remind me to never get you angry.”

Leist looked up at the older man. “Don't worry, you'll remember. If not, I'll kill you.” With that, she walked away toward the engineering section.