Monte Vista High School
Writing Program
English
Haas
BASIC ESSAY FORMAT
First Paragraph -- Introduction
· 40 - 50 Words
· Normally 3 sentences in length
· Must include General Statement and Major Thesis
Second and Third Paragraphs -- Body Paragraphs
· 150-200 words per paragraph (8 or 11 Sentence Format)
Sentence 1: Body Thesis
Sentence 2: Concrete Detail #1
Sentence 3: Commentary about Sentence 2
Sentence 4: More commentary about Sentences 2 and 3; should relate to the position presented in the body thesis
Sentence 5: Concrete Detail #2
Sentence 6: Commentary about Sentence 5
Sentence 7: More commentary about Sentences 5 and 6; should relate to the position presented in the body thesis
*Sentence 8: Concrete Detail #3
Sentence 9: Commentary about Sentence 8
Sentence 10: More commentary about Sentences 8 and 9; should relate to the position presented in the body thesis
*Sentence 11: Concluding Sentence (all commentary)
* In an 8 sentence body paragraph, Sentence 8 becomes the Concluding Sentence
Fourth Paragraph -- Conclusion
· 40 - 50 words
· Restate major thesis in different words
·Summarize and conclude without introducing any new ideas
Introduction to Writing
Basic Terms
Thesis:
A thesis is a sentence with a subject and opinion. This is a sentence that lets the reader know your feelings about a certain subject.
A body thesis is the first sentence of a body paragraph and tells the reader the subject of the paragraph and the point you are trying to prove about the subject.
*Example: Jack is a cruel young man who derives pleasure from hurting other people.
In this example Jack is the subject. The cruelty he acts with and pleasure he derives from hurting others is the opinion the writer will attempt to prove.
Concrete Detail:
A concrete detail is a specific fact that proves the point you are making in your paragraph. These can include things that a person or character does and says that demonstrate your point of view makes sense.
Concrete details can also be things that happen in the plot of the story that prove your thesis makes sense. Concrete details are events, actions, quotes, descriptions, and/or examples.
If you can videotape and watch what is happening in the sentence or tape record and listen to what is said, it is a concrete detail. Oftentimes this will be referred to as a CD.
*Example: For example, after ripping the head off of his sister’s favorite Barbie Doll, Jack giggled to himself and exclaimed, “I can’t wait to see her cry!”.
This is an effective concrete detail because it describes an event that helps to prove the thesis that Jack gains pleasure from the pain of others, in this case his sister.
Commentary:
Commentary is your comment about an event or your feelings about a character’s actions, quotes, etc. This IS NOT a concrete detail. In commentary, you will give your analysis, feelings, personal response, or reflection about a concrete detail (the event, action, quote, etc.)
A good way to think of commentary is to read your CD and ask, “So what? What does this CD mean, prove, or show the reader?”
*Example: Jack’s lack of remorse about destroying his sister’s prized toy shows how cruel and uncaring he can be. Instead of feeling guilt, his laugh and exclamation prove that he is actually pleased with himself and overjoyed by his heinous actions.
Note that this commentary doesn’t add in facts, but is instead the opinion’s of the writer.
Chunk:
A chunk is one sentence of concrete detail followed by two sentences of commentary. It is the smallest unified group of thoughts you can write. A paragraph will have at least 2 chunks that develop and support the thesis.
MORE WRITING UNIT TERMINOLOGY
1. Major Thesis: A sentence with a subject an opinion. In an essay, it is in your introduction paragraph.
2. Pre-writing: The process of getting your ideas and concrete details down on paper before you write your essay in paragraph form. Options for pre-writing are the following:
a) bubble clusters
b) spider diagrams
c) outlines
d) line clustering
e) columns
3. Concrete Detail: Facts; specific details that are most often what we see and hear. In literature-based essays, CDs are examples or quotes from a story.
4. Commentary: Your opinion; interpretation; analysis; insight; reflection.
5. Body Thesis: The first sentence of each body paragraph; this is always composed of a subject and an opinion; the body thesis is the main idea for the body paragraph.
6. Shaping the Essay: The writing that is done after pre-writing and before the first draft of an essay. Shaping usually includes the following:
a) major thesis
b) body thesis statements for each body paragraph
c) the first sentence of your concluding paragraph (the restatement of your body thesis in different words)
7. Conclusion: The last paragraph of an essay. It should not repeat words or phrases from your essay (especially not your major thesis or introductory paragraph). It should do the following:
a) sum up your ideas without repetition
b) reflect on what you discussed in your essay
c) give more commentary about your subject
d) give a finished feeling to your whole essay
8. Peer Response: Written response and reactions to a partner’s paper.
Introduction
1. General statement or quote on theme
* Theme is the central idea of the essay or piece of literature.
* Must be a statement that can be debated or questioned.
* Do not mention characters or piece of literature.
2. Additional sentence of commentary (CM)
On sentence #1
* Say something else or make a connection
Between sentence #1 and the literature.
3. Major Thesis (MT)
* A sentence that clearly states the point or position of the essay.
* Includes the author, title, subject and opinion.
Subject = what or who the writer is writing about
Opinion = what the writer will prove in the essay
Body Paragraphs
Body Thesis (BT) Subject and opinion (the point the writer will prove)
Concrete Detail (CD) Fact from book, play, or story that supports the BT
Commentary (CM) Significance of CD #1 (What does it show or prove?)
Commentary (CM) Importance of CD#1
Concrete Detail (CD) Another fact or quote that supports the BT
Commentary (CM) Significance of CD #2 (What does it show or prove?)
Commentary (CM) Importance of CD#2
Concrete Detail (CD) A third fact or quote that supports the BT
Commentary (CM) Significance of CD#3 (What does it show or prove?)
Commentary (CM) Importance of CD #3
Concluding Sentence (CS) More commentary to sum up what you have written
Transitions
For example Also Additionally Accordingly
In addition Moreover For instance A case in point
Furthermore Similarly Likewise Especially
Conclusion
1. Restated major thesis (MT)
* Change key words and sentence structure/order
2. More commentary (CM)
* What does the character(s) learn or what can the reader learn from the character(s)?
3. Comment on human nature/ Doogie Howser/Rev Run moment
* A sentence or thought that all human beings can identify with
* Avoid using personal pronouns (I, ,e, we, you, us, etc.)
* Give your reader something to think about after it has been read.
To improve commentary:
Key Concepts:
1. Present insight
2. Discuss the meaning
3. Comment on the significance
4. Draw a conclusion
5. Think of the importance (RISK?)
6. Notice a change
7. Extend the idea
8. Look for consequences
9. Consider the perspective of…
10. “react” to CD/ “relate” to BT
Key Phrases:
1. “This is interesting because…”
2. “This proves that…”
3. “This suggests that…”
4. “This is important because…”
5. “(Character) realizes/doesn’t realize…”
*These “starters” should be crossed out before you write the final draft*
The following questions may help you formulate ideas that will serve as commentary.
1. Why is this CD important?
2. What exactly does this CD signify?
3. What is the author’s point in this CD?
4. How does this CD make the reader feel?
5. How does this CD serve to explain or illustrate the body theses sentence claim?
6. What does this CD imply? What may we infer from this CD?
7. What does the tone, or mood, or diction of this CD tell us?
Using Quotes in Essays
Using quotes strengthens the concrete derail in your essay. It is only effective, however, if it is done properly. When you use quotes, you must follow the TLQ and MLA guidelines explained below or it will cost you points on your essay grade.
I. Transition, Lead-in, Quote (TLQ)
A. Transitions
1. Always begin your concrete detail sentences with a transition.
2. Here are three simple transitions:
a. For example,
b. In addition,
c. Furthermore,
B. Lead-ins
1. Lead-ins not only orient your reader but also help your sentence flow smoothly.
2. After your transition, you must mention the speaker and the situation.
3. Here are three examples of sentences with transitions and lead-ins:
a. For example, after Scout pummels Walter Cunningham in the schoolyard, she says, “…
b. In addition, while spending Christmas at Finch’s Landing, Francis tells Scout “…
c. Furthermore, when Scout and Jem are walking home from the pageant, “…
C. Quotes
1. A quote may be dialogue (when characters speak) or narration (when the author speaks).
2. Here are three examples of correct TLQ:
a. For example, after Scout pummels Walter in the schoolyard, she says, “He made me start off on the wrong foot“ (27).
b. In addition, while spending Christmas at Finch’s Landing, Francis tells Scout that Atticus is “ruinin’ the family (87).
c. Furthermore, when Scout and Jem are walking home from the pageant, they hear a man “running toward [them] with no child’s steps” (264).
II. Modern Language Association (MLA) in-text citations
A. In most cases, you can follow the standard format: double quotation mark/quoted material/double quotation mark/left parenthesis/page number/right parenthesis/period.
e.g., For example, when Jem and Scout are building their snowman, they “cannot wait for Atticus to come home for dinner” (71).
B. If your quote ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, put it inside the last quotation mark and put a period after the page citation.
e.g., For example, while discussing the group of men who want to hang Tom Robinson before the trial begins, Atticus says, “Every mob in every little Southern town is always made up of people you know--- doesn’t say much for them, does it?” (160).
C. Use brackets when you alter words in a quotation.
* The text Atticus “went to the court reporter and said something, nodded to Mr. Gilmer, and then went to Tom Robinson and whispered something to him.”
* Your quote: For example, before leaving the courtroom Atticus “(goes) to the court reporter and (says) something, and then (goes) to Tom Robinson and (whispers) something to him” (214).
D. Reminders regarding MLA citation
1. Never put periods or commas immediately before the closing quotation mark.
2. Never write pg./p./pp.,etc inside the parentheses. The only items that can appear inside the parentheses are Arabic numerals.
MONTE VISTA HIGH SCHOOL
ESSAY COVER SHEET
NAME:_______________________________________________
DATE: _________________ TEACHER:____________________
FORMAT (circle one): PROCESS PAPER TIMED WRITING
TOPIC: ______________________________________________________
CLASS/LEVEL: ______________
**IF YOU ARE NOT TURNING IN AN ESSAY, SIGN YOUR NAME BELOW.
_________ I CHOSE NOT TO WRITE/COMPLETE THIS ESSAY.
**SIGNED: __________________________________________________
A EXCELLENT
Follows format
Excellent CD’s, formatted correctly (ML
B GOOD
Follows format
Good CD’s, not as developed as ‘A’, MLA
Well developed CM, some connections
Strong vocab and sentence structure
Organization clear and logical
Some mechanical errors present
Above-average sentence variety
Correct use of transitions, lead-ins
Repeats little or not at all
D WEAK/PROBLEMATIC
Does not follow format (ratio, word counts)
Weak CD’s, factual errors, no MLA
Weak or irrelevant CM
Facts in CM
Awkward, unclear sentence structure/syntax
Too many mechanical errors
Does not address the prompt
No transitions, lead-ins
Repeats are a problem
Uses No-No words
Organization unclear/problematic
F FAILS TO MEET REQUIREMENTS
A)Insightful CM, finds connections
Powerful vocab and sentence structure
Organization skillful, paper flows smoothly
Very few, if any, mechanical errors
Excellent sentence variety
Skillful and varied use of transitions, lead-ins
Repeats little or not at all
C ADEQUATE
Follows format (ratio, word counts, layout)
Acceptable/limited CD’s, follows MLA
Obvious, simplistic, generic CM
Average or simple vocab and sentence structure
Several mechanical errors (spelling, run-ons, frags)
Limited sentence variety
Limited use of transitions, lead-ins
Repeats are a problem
Avoids No-No words
Organization not as clear
Essay Evaluation
Personal Checklist
Directions: After proofreading your essay, initial each item on the checklist. Your initials indicate that you have taken the time to make additions and improvements to your FINAL draft.
1. ______ I have written an original title for my essay. This title is centered at the top of the first page of my essay and is not underlined or in quotation marks.
INTRODUCTION
2. ______ My introductory paragraph’s first sentence has a general statement on a theme covered in the story and relates to the topic of my essay.
3. ______ My introductory paragraph has at least three sentences and at least 40 words.
4. ______ My major thesis is the last sentence of my introductory paragraph.
MAJOR THESIS
5. ______ My major thesis includes the title of the novel (underlined) or short story (quotes) and the author.
6. ______ My major thesis has a subject and a personal opinion about the topic/subject.
BODY PARAGRAPH #1
7. ______ My body thesis statement has a subject and an opinion (the point I am trying to make in this paragraph).
8. ______ My body paragraph follows the 11-sentence format and is at least 150 words.
9. ______ I have included transitional phrases for my concrete details (For example, In addition, and Furthermore--to name a few).
10. ______ I have included lead-ins for my quote/concrete details.
11. ______ I have included the page number for each quote.
BODY PARAGRAPH #2
12. ______ My body thesis statement has a subject and an opinion (the point I am trying to make in this paragraph).
13. ______ My body paragraph follows the 11-sentence format and is at least 150 words.
14. ______ I have included transitional phrases for my concrete details (For example, In addition, and Furthermore--to name a few).
15. ______ I have included lead-ins for my quote/concrete details.
16. ______ I have included the page number for each quote.
CONCLUSION
17. ______ I have restated my major thesis without using the same words as in my introduction.
18. ______ My conclusion has at least three sentences and 40 words.
19. ______ My final sentence is a comment on human nature that leaves the reader of my essay with something to think about.
FORMAT-TYPED
20. ______ My essay will be double-spaced, in an easy-to-read font that is no larger than 12 pt., and not an all capital letter font.
NO-NOs
21. ______ I have avoided using words that lead to speculation such as “would, should, could, might, may, if” (unless these words are found in a quote).
22. ______ I have avoided using the first and second person (I, me, we, us, our, you).
23. ______ I have avoided phrases such as “this shows that, this proves that, this is important because, and in conclusion.”
24. ______ I have avoided repeating words and phrases, abbreviations, contractions, slang phrases, and clichés.
25. ______ My paper is written in the literary present tense.
26. ______ I have told Mr. Haas that he is looking especially thin today.
27. I have had the following person read my entire essay to check for spelling errors:
__________________________________
(name of proofreader)
_________________________________ ____________________
(your signature) (date)